copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 pearson education, inc. all rights reserved. the stages of...
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Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships
Copyright ©2011, 2008,
2005 Pearson
Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
Contact
Exchange basic information
Initiate interaction Engage in invitational
communication First four minutes
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2005 Pearson
Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
Involvement
Develop sense of mutuality, of being connected
Testing Evaluate your initial
judgment Asking questions
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2005 Pearson
Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
Intimacy
Further commitment to the other person
Establish a relationship in which this individual becomes your best or closest friend, lover, or companion
Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
Deterioration
Withdrawal Decline in self-disclosure Deception Negative versus positive messages
Copyright ©2011, 2008,
2005 Pearson
Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
Repair Analyze what went
wrong and consider ways of solving your relational difficulties
Cutting the bonds that tie you together
Dissolution
Attraction
We “should” judge people on how they act, but appearance is important in early stages!
Do you agree with the authors’ statement, “We view the familiar as beautiful”?
We are drawn to people who represent the most average qualities of ourselves and those people we know.
Ordinary-looking people with pleasing personalities are likely to be judged as attractive.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Similarity
Similarity thesis: Similar likes, economic class, educational standing, values.
Similarities are validating.
Enable fairly accurate predictions.
We assume similar people will like us.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Complimentarity
Differences strengthen a relationship when each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s needs.
Research: Couples studied over a
20-year period: Partners find radical differences intriguing, but then cause relational breakups.
Successful couples find ways to balance similarities and differences over the years.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Competency
We hope others’ skills and abilities will rub off on us.
We don’t like people who are too competent.
We like people somewhat flawed because we are reminded of ourselves!
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Proximity
We develop relationships with people with whom we interact frequently—even in cyberspace.
Proximity enables more information about others and benefit from relationships with them.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Disclosure
Telling important information about ourselves breeds liking based on respect and trust.
Reciprocity is key: We like to get back an amount and kind of information equivalent to that which we reveal.
Timing is important: Information should be appropriate to the stage of the relationship and the setting.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Intimacy
Closeness makes us healthier and happier.
Type of intimacy: Emotional Physical Intellectual Shared activities
Not all relationships have all four qualities.
Not all relationships operate at the highest level of intimacy.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Computer-Mediated Communication and Intimacy
Why can relational intimacy develop more quickly through CMC than in FtF interactions?
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
The Limits of Intimacy
Research: Most people want four
to six close, important relationships in their lives at any given time.
Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships.
There are benefits to polite, “superficial” communication.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Commitment
Relational commitment involves a promise, implied or explicit, to remain in a relationship and make that relationship successful.
Commitment: Formed and reinforced
through communication.
Behaviors are important, but without language, commitment may not be clear.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Limits of Developmental Models
Communication ebbs and flows in relationships.
Progression does not always flow in a predictable manner.
Knapp’s model: A relationship exhibits only the most dominant traits of just one of the 10 stages at any given time, but elements of other stages are usually present. Relationships can “come together” and “come
apart” at the same time. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Consider this…
“Communication involved in maintaining relationships may not always be exciting, but handling it effectively accounts for as much as 80% of the difference between satisfying and unsatisfying relationships.”
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Content and Relational Messages
Every message, verbal and nonverbal, has a second relational dimension which makes statements about how communicators feel toward one another.
We are unaware of the relational messages that bombard us every day.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Expression of Relational Messages
How could you act while saying, “Can you help me for a minute?” while communicating the following relationships:
Superiority Helplessness Friendliness
Sexual desire Irritation Aloofness
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Relational Maintenance Strategies
Stafford and Canary: Five strategies for maintaining romantic relationships:1. Positivity2. Openness3. Assurances4. Sharing tasks5. Social networks
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Repairing Damaged Relationships
The strongest relationships hit a bumpy patch.
Relational transgressions: When one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Strategies for Relational Repair
Talk about the violation.
Send clear, assertive “I-messages”
Ask questions and listen nondefensively to the answers
Apologize in three parts: Acknowledge that the
transgression was wrong Sincerely apologize Discuss compensation,
“I’ll never do that again.” Nonverbal behavior
must match words.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Forgiving Transgressions
Research: Transgressors who
are forgiven are less likely to repeat their offenses.
Recall times that you have needed others’ forgiveness.
Try nonverbal behaviors, as well as discussion.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.