couple relationship is key
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The Marital Relationship: Its Impact on Children
Saadia Z. Yunus, MA, MFTwww.facebook.com/TheMuslimMFT
The strongest chains are not always visible…
Marriage in IslamThe Qur'an says: "Your spouses are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them" (2:187)
"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with him/her in love...."(7:189)
So the male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person, one spirit.
A Strong FoundationThe marital
relationship is the foundation of the building called family
Order of ImportanceGod, Spouse,
ChildrenThe BEST thing
you can do for your kids is LOVE your spouse
A Good Divorce VS. Bad MarriageEmpirical evidence suggests that children are
harmed less by the elements of a divorce than the discord between dysfunctional parents
A low-conflict environment is crucial to the healthy growth of a child
Child’s Mental/Physical HealthMental and physical
health:Child perceptions of
parent marital quality directly predict mental health indicators—anxiety, depression,
and internalizing behaviors
Parent marital conflict is related to overall child health, digestive problems, fatigue, and chronic illness
Adolescents Substance use, sexual activity, religious activity, and education outcomes
Marital ConflictThe slightest hint of aggression or hostility sparks a
sharp increase in cortisol levels and cardiac stress in children
Children exhibit same stress reaction when parents:yell at each other are contemptuous with each other call each other names roll eyesgive out an exasperated sighavoid their partneruse intimidation (e.g. point a finger at their partner or glare
at them, etc.)
Teaching By ExampleChildren witnessing unhealthy communication
patterns between their parents grow up with a misunderstanding of what a healthy relationship looks like
Witnessing marital conflict that is resolved with respect, warmth and empathy has shown to have a very positive effect on children learning how to manage stress in a healthy way and teaching them how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner
Healthy FamilyIndividuals exist within relationshipsFamily roles: Husband, wife, mother, father,
daughter, son, sister, brotherHierarchy: Husband and wife Boundaries: Rigid Vs. Diffuse: How close are you?Triangles, CoalitionsCoparenting is essential!
Head coaches of the same team Discipline within the arena
Healthy CouplesSuccessful marriages have a higher ratio of
positivity vs. negativityThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
(Dr. Gottman, based on decades of research)1. Enhance your love maps2. Nurture fondness and admiration 3. Turn toward each other instead of away4. Let your partner influence you5. Solve your solvable problems6. Overcome gridlock7. Create shared meaning
Get help before it is too late…It is better for you. It’s better for your
children. Gottman-The average couple waits six years
before seeking help for marital problems Half of all marriages that end do so in the
first seven yearsThis means that the average couple lives with
unhappiness for far too long.
The Prophet (S), the TherapistIslam encourages therapyHe did not have one answer
for every questionPaid attention to people,
considered their psychology, articulated his counseling in a way that would help them specifically
Ability to empathize with people; Non-judgmental
Get rid of the stigma! It is good to go to therapy
Action Plan!
What’s yours?
The End: ResourcesResources:
Books: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families --Stephen R.
Covey The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work --Dr. John
Gottman and Nan Silver
THERAPISTS: [email protected]
Find me on Facebook and Twitter www.therapistlocator.net Online Islamic University counseling
References: The University ofNotre Dame, 2002, ASPE, 2009, Wendi Hill, 2012,