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07Cultivating Confidence

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07JULY

Cultivating Confidencew o r k s h e e t

Virginia Woolf said, “Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle.”

No matter what you desire, you’ll need self-confidence to create it.

Most people want to be “good” at something first and then feel confident. But, the doubt and fear often produces little action.

However, when you cultivate a feeling of confidence, it will drive actions that will expand upon the confidence.

Let’s think of a baby:

They don’t know how to walk but they desire to walk like all the other “big” people they see.

I don’t know what goes on in a baby’s head, but I would imagine that they are thinking:

I can do this.I want to walk.If I fall, I’ll get back up.

We watch this process over and over.

They get up on their wobbly legs and fall over and over.They keep getting back up.They fall again.They get back up.Eventually, they walk more steps.They fall again.They get back up.

Over time, they begin walking.

Why as adults do we expect ourselves to be GREAT at something and fear failing when that’s part of the plan?

So, let’s take a look at self-confidence and how it’s created.

Self-confidence is defined as, “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”

What creates our feelings?

Our thoughts. Our thoughts drive our actions.

And, our actions reaffirm our thoughts.

In order to create self-confidence, you must do 3 things:

1. Practice thinking “trusting” or “confident” thoughts about your abilities, qualities and judgements.

2. Show up for what you say you are going to do (thereby, reinforcing your self-trust).

3. Be willing to fail (and feel the emotions that come with it).

Let’s look at each of these individually:

trusting thoughts

Think about someone you trust.

What do you think about them?

Perhaps you think:

They always show up.They are always there for me.They are honest and trustworthy.They never let me down.

Now, imagine if you practiced thinking those same thoughts about yourself.

Unfortunately, many people look to the negative experiences from the past for evidence of their future.

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For example,

I never follow through.I don’t have what it takes.It’s never worked before. I always disappoint myself.

These thoughts create a feeling of distrust.

In order to cultivate self-confidence, you must create a favor-able opinion of yourself that creates a feeling of confidence.

These thoughts will conjure up a confident feeling that will inspire you to show up and follow through on your dreams.

showing up

Imagine if a girlfriend promises you that she’ll meet you for lunch and she doesn’t show.

She promises you again next week and again is a no-show.

Week after week of promising you that she’ll show up and then not following through would cause you to not trust her, right?

In order to build a trusting relationship with yourself, you must prove to yourself that you are a woman who can be trusted.

If you say that you’re going to go for a walk today, show up.

If you say that you’re going to write a blog post, write it.

Do what you say you’re going to do to create evidence that you are a woman who can trust herself.

be willing to fail

Many women don’t create the life of their dreams because they are afraid of failing.

So, they fail backwards by not even trying.

But, let’s think about the baby learning to walk analogy.

It was through falling (and failing) that the baby learned to walk.

Our failures are the teaching ground on which greatness is built.

In fact, failure isn’t the opposite of success; it is the path to success.

Self-confidence is created when you fail forwards by trying new things and taking risks knowing that the worst thing that can ever happen is an emotion.

Self-confident people know that they can fail and feel the emotions that come with it and still be okay.

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More Tips on Cultivating Confidence:

• Be decisive

• Honor your decisions

• Don’t compare yourself; celebrate yourself.

• Take risks

• Dress confidently

• Find your confidence stance (stand tall and open your chest)

• Talk about your goals and dreams

• Speak up

• Enjoy your life!

summary

Self-confidence is created by your thoughts.

When you think confident thoughts, it drives confident action.

Confident action creates more evidence for your self-confi-dence.

Self-confidence isn’t about doing something well; it’s about knowing that you can handle whatever emotion arises. It’s about believing in your ability to be okay no matter what.

A feeling of self-confidence will inspire you to take risks and fail forward instead of backwards.

Failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s the path to success.

When you’re self-confident, you understand that the worst thing that can ever happen is a vibration in your body and you’re willing to feel it.

Self-confidence is not about being perfect; it’s about hav-ing your own back and being proud of all your failures and attempts to create your dreams.

Imagine all that you would do if you were willing to feel re-jection, failure, frustration, embarrassment and all the other emotions that we tend to avoid.

This is your month to practice cultivating unstoppable self-confidence.

You’ve got this!

With Excitement,

Tonya

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01Exercise #1: Conjuring Up Confidence

What you focus on expands, so make a list of every single accomplishment you’ve ever had.

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02Exercise #2: Getting Honest with Your Fear

We don’t go after our dreams because we are afraid.

We don’t trust our ability to handle an emotion.

It’s time to get honest with what you’re afraid of.

What is the worst thing that could happen?

Remember: the worst thing that can ever happen is a vibration in your body.

Public SpeakingInvesting in advertisement

Cutting out sugarLeaving my marriage

d e s i r e d a c t i o n t h e w o r s t c a s e s c e n a r i o

People will judge meIt won’t workDeprivation

Financial insecurity

The entire audience laughsI lose moneyI feel terrible

I end up homeless and alone.

d e s i r e d a c t i o n m y f e a r t h e w o r s t c a s e s c e n a r i o

m y f e a r

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03Exercise #3: Create Your Confident Alter Ego

In 2008, Beyonce announced her alter ego, Sasha Fierce.” It gave her the courage and confidence to get on stage as the sexy, provocative and fierce character that has shaped her brand for over a decade.

Creating an alter ego can do the same for you.

I don’t see an alter ego as a separate identity; it’s an extension of who you already are. You could see your alter ego as your future self or just the self that you call upon when you’re afraid.

IMAGINE YOUR MOST BOLD, COURAGEOUS AND CONFIDENT SELF AND ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

What is her self-opinion?

How does she handle fear?

How does she show up?

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give her a name

What does she think of other people’s opinions?

How does she handle rejection?

What does she do that you’re currently not doing?