darul arqam - darul arqam - welcoming womanhood · 2020. 1. 31. · -she should not sleep with...

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http://www.livequraneverymoment.org

Welcoming Womanhood …a guide for mothers for their daughters' first period

Welcoming

Womanhood …a guide for mothers for their daughters' first period

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All praise be to Allah who completed the religion for us, perfected the blessing on us. May the blessings and peace be upon His Messenger, who called upon people to obey his Lord.

My dear Sisters,

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,

As my daughter was showing signs of puberty, I started researching on this topic to prepare myself for the big day without getting panicked.

Never had I explored this much for myself. But when it came to my daughter, things needed to be special.

I wanted to bring everything together in one place. Then thought of sharing it with others as it can be a source of guidance.

A big thanks to all who answered my surveys.

May this benefit you.

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Prepare her beforehand:

-This is not at all a matter of shame and embarrassment. It isn't a curse.

-Every woman who came in this world right from Hawwa (a.s) experienced this.

-It is the natural detoxification of the body. If this blood is not expelled from the body, it will create a lot of health problems.

-NEVER be of the view why men don't experience this and why do women only have to face this affliction. Allah's wisdom is the most superior. Our value is in our own God-given distinctiveness.

-Allah has chosen women for the most supreme task in the world -- to give birth to babies. Our body is just preparing itself for it.

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Talk to her about:

-Make her aware of basic Fiqh issues regarding this topic. Like, the prohibitions and allowances in Islamic Science, relating to menses; especially the matters concerning Salah and Fasting.

{Strongly suggested: Tahaarat aur Namaz ke ehkamat aur masayel on Darul Arqam}

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/7wwhy11dokm12s8/AACpRIqoMH3LmRjoI_heihwha?dl=0

-Importance of removing pubic hair and under arm hair regularly.

-Tell her not to discuss periods with boys, men and younger sisters.

-Never compare yourself with other girls. Each one has a different experience.



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-Encourage her to stay calm and practice self-control.

-It's very important to ward away the Shayateen with Azkaar and cleanliness as they like to be around girls in periods.

-Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) can cause moodiness, anxiety, headaches, backaches, pimples, nausea, cramping, food cravings and depression. Many women go through these.

-A big big NO to bikini wax by others. She should know that the area between navel and knees is not supposed to be shown to women as well.

-No justification to skip Salah and obligatory fast after the onset of periods. Prompt her to offer Salah on time.

-Your body is an Amaanah given to you by Allah. You have to take care of it.

-This blood is impure. You are not!

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-Never touch your private parts unnecessarily; like at the time of sleeping, while thinking about something.

-She should not sleep with anyone under one blanket now; not even with her sisters, not even with you.

-The more active you are, the less likely you are to have menstrual cramps. A few minutes of walking could suffice too. Exercise is your body’s natural pain killer and mood elevator.

-Advise her to stay indoors as much as possible, before Maghrib, as at that time Shayateen move around the most.

-Pads should be disposed off properly by wrapping them well. No one should ever see your blood stained pad.

-Do not take pills for postponing your menses, unless for a very strong reason. Never for the intention of worship like Fasting or attaining Qiyaam-ul-lail. This condition is

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from Allah. Your rewards of worship will not be lessened.

-There is no specific Dua to be read at the time of taking Ghusl.

-Make sure that every spot on your body gets wet while making Ghusl. Even the part underneath your ear studs and rings, your belly button and behind ears.

GHUSL:

1. Make the neeyah (intention) to perform Ghusl for purification (not in words).

2. Wash your private parts thoroughly with water.

3. Perform Wadhu (ablution).

4. Wash your head and then the body.

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QUICK INFO:

*Forbidden: Salah, Fasting, Tawaaf.

*To know if your menses has come to an end: White discharge or complete dryness of Vagina.

*Allowed during Periods: Bathing, trimming hair and nails, waxing, applying mehendi, shaving pubic hair, underarm wax, hair dyeing.

*Permissible: Make Dhikr, make Duas, listen to Quran, listen to Islamic lectures, give charity.

*For vaginal itching: Eat unsweetened and unflavored yogurt.

*Recommended series for her: Status of women in Islam.

*For Cramps: Orange -carrot juice, mint, dry dates, dark chocolate (over 70% cocoa).

*To reduce any swelling on the body: Zeera pani (Cumin water)

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Points to console her:

-The discomforts are hardly for around 3 days. Imagine the reward you would get for bearing all your pains, as Allah rewards patience and endurance immensely.

-Allah has not forbade Salah in any situation, not even in battle ground! But Allah knows what you are going through and prohibited you from the 2 main pillars of Islam; Salah and Fasting! Just imagine!

-Getting angry or frustrated over a natural phenomenon is of no use. Learn how to deal with it.

-You should be glad that your body's natural system is working properly.

-We always have good as well as bad days.

-Some people don't have access to disposable pads. Be thankful for the resources we are bestowed with.

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-Music is haraam. It won't leave a soothing effect on you. Rather, you are inviting the Shayateen.

-Frequent urination is highly uncomfortable. But just think that how blessed you are to have a bathroom within your home with full privacy. How blessed you are to be able to get up and walk yourself to the bathroom. There are people who are actually deprived of all these!

-At the times of cramps, persuade her to recite the pain relieving Dua while keeping her right hand over the painful area. After that, ask her to keep reciting Surah Fatiha over it. Can be repeated any number of times, preferably odd.

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Things you, as a mother can do for her:

-Be her friend. Understand her and her mood swings. Don't scold her for anything in these days.

-If she is conscious of her pimples, keep telling her that this is a passing phase and that she still looks beautiful in it.

-Give her privacy (from other siblings). Let her have her own free time and space.

-Answer all the questions popping in her head.

-Cuddle her during tough time. This does goes a long way!

-When she comes to you to say something, may be about the pain, stop what you are doing! Turn to her, look in her eyes and listen to what she says. Don’t treat it casually.

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-Give her a head massage, body massage, mani cure, pedicure. You doing this for her will make a difference!

-Surprise her.

-Be mindful of your behaviour with her, as now her self-esteem is going to get developed.

-Involve her in minimal decision making matters, asking her opinion.

-There are disposable panties available as well. Let her use them in case of travelling.

-Wash her clothes separately.

-List out her Mahrams to her. Yes, now!

-Describe to her the great women around Muhammad (S). They should after all be her role-models.

-Monitor stuffs she reads. Tell her to discuss with you whatever she talks with her friends regarding this.

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-Don't allow her to use internet when alone with her friends. The internet shouldn't be teaching them stuffs, we should be.

-Narrate your period experiences to her.

-When she exhibits patience and calmness during tough time, treat her with her favourite food or something small and nice.

-Keep in mind that they become ‘more’ sensitive due to hormonal fluctuations at this time.

-May be you cannot do much to reduce her discomforts, but you can take care of her appetite and her emotions!

-See to it that she stays hydrated. Loss of fluids should be recompensed with increased water intake. Buy her a fancy; girly water bottle. Fill it in the morning and tell her that she has to finish it by the end of the day.

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-Give her foods rich in iron, calcium, fiber and water. Avoid foods that would cause constipation, gas, bloating.

-Start giving an iron rich diet a few days before her date as it reduces the intensities of PMS.

-Surround her with positive quotes; like bookmarks, screensavers, wallpapers, posters - on fridge, walls, doors.

A few Examples:

"Sometimes you have to create your own sunshine."

"Be brave. Be strong".

"Learn to let the things you can't control, go".

"When you try to move on but it seems too hard, Allah knows".

"After every hardship comes ease". [Quran, 65:7]

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"The struggle you are in today, is developing the strength you need for tomorrow".

"And seek help through patience and prayer". [Quran, 2:45]

"When you feel down, go be a blessing to somebody else".

"To fall is inevitable. To rise is a choice".

"And give glad tidings to the patient ones". [Quran, 2:155]

"Bloom where you are planted".

"It's not the load that breaks you down. It's the way you carry it".

"Allah burdens not an individual more than his capacity". [Quran, 2:286]

"The one who masters patience, masters everything else".

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When the first period comes:

-Hug her as soon as she announces that to you.

-Treat her in a very special and unforgettable manner. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

-Do all sorts of stuffs to make this a remarkable episode for her. Make this a fun and happy ride for her, which will help her in later transitions of life.

-Do not force her to stop playing with kids just after she attains Puberty.

-The morning and evening Azkaar are an absolute MUST now. Sit in front of her and listen to when she recites. This will develop this habit in her. Regular recitation of Ayat-ul-Kursi is very important.

-The first thing I told her was "Your pen has now started!" She is now a 'baaligh' person and shall now be accountable for all her actions.

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-Tell her to resist the urge to scratch herself. The itching will be more intense in Summers. The marks will remain.

-Teach her to instantly wash herself the stained clothes and linens.

-If possible, avail her to a variety of brands and types of pads. Let her decide which ones are comfortable for her.

-Though not practiced by many people, we don't let our girls go out of their homes from the start till the end of their first period. But no restrictions on moving inside the house.

The food do's and dont's of first period varies in different places and cultures. I am listing out what I did.

-In my place, a girl is given only sweet things for 3 days. Salt and especially chilli is completely avoided for 3 days

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as this is supposed to cause body itching. Our elders actually advise to continue this for 11 days!

-Egg, chicken and fish are avoided in the first few days as they trigger itching. But in some places, egg is given; in fact raw egg!

-The seed of a date is removed. Edible Oudh is filled into it and the date is burnt on open fire. This is consumed first in the morning. This is believed to stop menstrual odours. {This is the same Oudh which is used to give fumes in milk drink, in Muharram, in the Asian subcontinents.}

-Coconut and Jaggery is to be consumed a lot, like really a lot. These give strength to lower back and help remove period smells. (I made a Coconut-Jaggery cake for her with Buttercream-Coconut frosting; which she said she would always cherish).

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-Dry fruit mix called 'Panjeri' is to be given which adds a lot of nutrition and strength. Gond (resin gum) is the most important element.

-'Hareera' (a soup made of ghee, dry fruits, flour/semolina and milk) is to be given a lot.

-Asli ghee, Coconut, Jaggery, Urad daal were recommended the most in my survey.

-When her periods end, and she is going to take final bath, apply a paste of 'aam-e-haldi, besan, multani mitti and milk' on her face and body. Keep it for around 15 minutes. Wash off. Readymade packs are also available. This removes tan marks and kills germs. BUT keep in mind that this should be done by herself or her mother. Other women coming and doing this as part of a ceremony is not correct.

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-After the bath, give her something warm to drink, especially in winters. Like; hareera, hot chocolate, turmeric milk, saffron milk, masala doodh.

-After the bath, I gave Oudh and Lobhan (Frankincense) fumes. This is said to eliminate foul smells, kill germs, shrink uterus swelling, tighten vaginal opening.

-After the end of her each period (and especially the first one), I advise her to recite complete Ruqyah on herself.

{Suggestion: Book 2; Page 17; Comprehensive Ruqyah}

https://www.livequraneverymoment.org/ruqyah-workshop.html



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-On this milestone, give her a gift, an exceptional one. I gave her a kit, in which were many things. As I needed time for assembling this, I presented it to her on her second cycle. Some ideas for the kit:

KIT:

Dark chocolate

Hot bag

Waste bag dispenser

Mug, hair brush, towel - Personalised

Pocket mirror

LOTS of nail polishes!

Handy nail polish remover pads

Stress relieving painting/colouring worksheets

Bubble wrap

Stain pen

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Face wash

Stress ball

Books (menses related; Islamic or Non-Islamic)

Pocket calendar

MP3 (with Quran, Ruqyah)

Azkaar / Ruqyah handy card

A different brand of soap (to be used by her only)

Trimmer

Hair Straightener/Curler

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Summarised Do's and Dont's

You can print this and keep it in a convenient place for you and her to remember at times of need. I wrote this on a bookmark and got it laminated.

DO's:

AZKAAR

Hygiene

Heat compress / Tub soak

Hot shower

Exercise/light walking

Deep breath exercises

Small meals

Massage

Acupressure (Know the points)

Pedicure

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Stress ball/Play dough

Stress relief worksheets/Painting

Proper sleep

DONT's:

Tight clothes

Scented Vaginal products

Excessive use of Gadgets

YES FOODS:

Dark Chocolate

Fish

FIBER

WATER

Yogurt

Green tea

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Honey and cinnamon tea

Nuts [Dates, Figs, Walnuts, Cashews, Peanuts]

Seeds [Flax seeds, Sunflower seeds]

Spices [Sesame, Saffron, Ginger]

Fruits [Apple, Pear, Berries, Banana, Papaya, Avocado, Pineapple, Olives]

Vegetables [Spinach, Carrot, Cucumber, Corn, Tomatoes, Sweet potato, Beetroot]

Bone broth

Liver

Iron fortified cereals

Urad dal

Oats

Vitamin C chewable/effervescent tablets

NO FOODS:

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Ice

Chilled foods

Dairy

Caffeine

Sugary foods

Fatty/Oily foods

Salty foods

Processed foods

Microwaved foods

Mug meals (microwaved)

Lemon

Red meat

Refined flour

Rice

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JUST FOR FUN

Like me, if you go into deep research while investigating any topic, you might want to read "First period

stories" or "First period cultures" or "Period

myths" on the internet for some interesting reads.

I have compiled some facts here, which would increase your and your daughter's knowledge on the topic.

PERIOD FACTS:

-A girl's first menstrual period is called a "menarche".

-Most girls get their first period between the ages of 9 and 16. The average age of girls getting their first period is around 12 years, but before that is also fine. It also depends on the climatic conditions of the region you reside in, family history, lifestyle, eating habits etc. In today's age, girls get their periods early because modern

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women are heavier than pre-modern women — fat produces more estrogen in the bloodstream. Scholars also suggest that hormones in modern food have led to earlier menstruation.

-Your first period is usually pretty light.

-Most periods last 3 to 8 days. The average duration is 6 days. Everyone is different.

-Cold weather can make your period last longer, heavier and more painful!

-You actually lose about a cup of blood per period. The rest of it is bits of your uterine lining and mucus.

-The sound of your voice changes during your period!

-Until the age of about 18, irregular periods are quite common because the body is still working on perfecting the system.

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-"Oligomenorrhea" is when a woman has her periods less frequently than normal. "Amenorrhea" is when she doesn’t get her period at all.

-Only the macaque monkey has anything close to a human menstrual cycle, at 29 days.

-The great apes and chimpanzees also menstruate, just not as obviously as human beings do.

-Aside from primates, only two other species that experience a menstrual cycle are bats and elephant shrew.

-Humans, humpback whales and elephants are the only animals that go through menopause.

-Menstrual blood is used as a medicine!

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-While menstruating, one may bleed from places other than their vagina! In a very rare medical condition known as “vicarious menstruation,” women on their period may also harmlessly bleed from their mouth, ears, lungs, nose, eyes, and skin! This condition is caused when endometrial tissue (which normally grows in your uterus and sheds during your period) is transmitted through the bloodstream.

-The average age a woman stops her period is 51, though symptoms of menopause can start as early as 32.

-Some cultures celebrate this event, while some avoid even informing others about it.

-Both Jews and Muslims require women to achieve ritual purity after menstruation.

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-In some cultures, menstrual huts exist, where the menstruating women are kept out of the house and have to live temporarily in this dwelling as they are considered impure.

-28 May is Menstrual hygiene day, an annual awareness day to highlight the importance of good menstrual hygiene management (MHM).

-There is a period themed shop in New York City.

-Disposable menstrual pads grew from a Ben Franklin invention created to help stop wounded soldiers from bleeding, but appear to have been first commercially available from around 1888.

-In 1929, a physician named Dr. Earle Haas invented the tampon.

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-Types of menstrual products:

*Pads [Panty liner, Ultra-thin, Regular, Maxi / Super, Overnight, Maternity]

*Tampons

*Reusable, washable, cloth pads

*Reusable Menstrual Cups

*Disposable Menstrual Cups

darul arqam - darul arqam - welcoming womanhood · 2020. 1. 31. · -she should not sleep with...

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