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Introducing EQ: Relationship Skills for Optional Performance

EQ Building Blocks

Author: Joshua FreedmanV7-08

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Emotional Intelligence

• Welcome• The Case for EQ• What is EQ?• Next Steps

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Welcome

“Emotional Intelligence helps gild adversity with optimism.”

– Anabel Jensen, Ph.D.

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Objectives

• Key reasons for EQ• Three practical EQ techniques• Know what you can do in six seconds• Motivation for more• One next step

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Learning Process

• Humor• Choice• Multisensory• Interactive

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History

• 1978, Self-Science published.• 1990, Salovey & Mayer article on

Emotional Intelligence• 1995, Daniel Goleman’s

Emotional Intelligence.• 1997, Six Seconds established.• 2007, 6th International NexusEQ

Conference• 2008, Search on “emotional

intelligence” finds over 2,500,000 hits

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“All learning has an emotional base.” - Plato

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More of What You Want

• Personal Success• Academic Success• Business Success

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Personal Results

• Success depends on "mature adaptations" including altruism, humor, self-management, and optimism/anticipation (George Vaillant, Adaptation to Life, 1995).

• People who learn optimism skills are more motivated, more successful, have higher levels of achievement, plus significantly better physical and mental health (Seligman, 1991).

• People who accurately perceive others’ emotions are better able to handle changes and build stronger social networks (Salovey, Bedell, Detweiler, & Mayer, 1999).

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Academic Results

• After EQ training, discipline referrals to the principals dropped by 95% (Johnson & Johnson, 1994).

• EQ training increases focus, learning, collaboration; decreases both negative "put downs" and violence (Anabel Jensen, Self-Science Pilot Study, 2001).

• Children with highly developed social skills perform better academically (Grossman, et al, 1997).

• Children who are able to delay gratification are more popular, earn better grades, and had an average of 210 more points on their SAT tests (Shoda, Mischel, and Peake, 1990).

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Business Results

• US Airforce spent $10,000, saved $2,760,000 in recruitment (Fastcompany June 2000).

• High EQ consulting partners earned 139% more (Boyatzis, 1999).

• 2% business increase for American Express Financial Advisors (Fastcompany "How Do You Feel," June 2000).

• EQ in plant cut accidents 50%, formal grievances 80%, raised topline $250,000 (Pesuric & Byham, 1996).

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- Salovey & Mayer, 1999

Scientific Definition

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions; to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought; to understand emotions and emotional knowledge; and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.”

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Daily-Life Definition

“Emotional intelligence is being smart with feelings so you can developoptimal relationships with yourself and others.”- Six Seconds

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The Six Seconds EQ Model

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EQ Behaviors

EQ is visible in behaviors:

High EQ

Bouncing back

Listening

Empathizing

Risking

Flexing

Including

Low EQ

Blaming

Resenting

Attacking

Stonewalling

Judging

Excluding

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We are most powerful when emotion and thought work together.

Thinking Feeling

Fusion!

EQ is FUSION

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“Know Yourself” Overview

• Enhance Emotional Literacy– Name and understand feelings

• Recognize Patterns– Recognize your typical reactions

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Limbic Brain

Responsible for • Emotion• Attention• Memory

80,000 x the speed of the cortex or “thinking brain.”

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Hijacking

Cortex“Translator” “emotional headquarters”

“Air traffic controller”

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Six Seconds Pause

• Remember six favorite places.• Think of the first line of six songs.• Ponder six favorite romantic moments.

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“Choose Yourself” Overview

• Apply Consequential Thinking– Pause, evaluate costs & benefits.

• Navigate Emotions– Transform feelings to be helpful.

• Engage Intrinsic Motivation– Build internal drivers

• Shift to Optimism– Create new possibilities

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Value Sort Cards

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PPP vs TIE

Optimisttemporary

isolatedeffort lacking

Pessimistpermanentpervasivepersonal

Failure / Adversity

Success / Fortune

Optimistpermanentpervasivepersonal

Pessimisttemporary

isolatedaccidental

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“Give Yourself” Overview

• Increase Empathy– Connect at an emotional level

• Pursue Noble Goals– Put vision into action

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Empathy

• Empathy means feeling in parallel to someone else’s feeling.

• What behaviors does empathy create?

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Noble Goals Support Values

Universal Values• honesty• respect• responsibility• fairness (justice)• compassion (love)Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org

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Power of Role Modeling

“People seem to do 30% of what we say and 70% of what we do.”

-- Anabel Jensen, Ph.D.

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What am I feeling?

What options

do I have?

What’s my empathic and principled choice?

EQ-In-Action

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Action Ideas

Practicing EQ in one area of your life will affect all the others.

• Self• Work• Romance• Family• Community

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Review: EQ Behaviors

What will create more of these? And less of these?

High EQ

Bouncing back

Listening

Empathizing

Risking

Flexing

Including

Low EQ

Blaming

Resenting

Attacking

Stonewalling

Judging

Excluding

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Postcard Commitment

Pick one SMART Objective

Jane Doe

123 Jane’s St

Jane’s Town

1234567

Dear Jane,

Congrats on reading an article on 6seconds.org and sharing the ideas with one person each week!

Love, Jane

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Thank You