Faith, Hope and Charity:Three elements from

positive psychology that can enhance client

happiness and satisfaction

Bill O’Hanlonwww.billohanlon.com

2

GET A FREE COPY OF THE SLIDES

For a free copy of these PowerPoint slides, visit:http://www.billohanlon.com

Click on FREE STUFF, then click on SLIDES

Wait about a week for the slides to show up; meanwhile there are others up there you can have while you are waiting.

What is Positive Psychology?

Research evidence about what works in human life; what makes people happier; what gives their lives a sense of satisfaction and meaning; what helps them function better;

Also called “Subjective Well-Being”

Happiness defined

Pleasure/positive emotions

+engagement

+meaning

=Happiness

Psychological studies are biased toward the negative

Psychological publications and studies dealing with negative states outnumbered those examining positive states by a ratio of 17 to 1 in a survey done in 1995.

Myers, D. and Deiner, E. (1995) “Who is Happy?,” Psychological Science, 6:10-19.

This comes in part from the Freudian legacy

Freud thought the best we could hope for was “ordinary misery.”

He questioned the quest for happiness and indeed, all our motives, and ascribed dark impulses and infantile wishes to them.

There is a different way

Find, validate and nurture strengths and existing solutions

Help people thrive and move towards positive futures

Increase happiness and well-being rather than correct deficits and pathology

A different approach

Relevant research: The broaden and build hypothesis of positive emotions

People who are in a more positive mood are better liked by others and more open to new ideas and experiences.

Fredrickson, Barbara. (1998). “What good are positive emotions?” Review of General Psychology, 2:300-319.

The benefits of being in a better mood

Negative talk shown to increase stress hormones

A recent study shows that extensive discussions of problems and encouragement of ‘‘problem talk,’’ rehashing the details of problems, speculating about problems, and dwelling on negative affect in particular, leads to a significant increase in the stress hormone cortisol, which predicts increased depression and anxiety over time.

Byrd-Craven, J., Geary, D. C., Rose, A. J., & Ponzi, D. (2008). “Co-ruminating increase stress hormone levels in women,” Hormones and Behavior, 53, 489–492.

Seligman’s List of Virtues/Signature Strengths:Six areas [The Reverse-DSM]

Wisdom and KnowledgeCourageLove and HumanityJusticeTemperanceSpirituality and Transcendence

Find this list and some self-tests at:www.viacharacter.org

But all is not lost; one can increase happiness (but not directly)

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.  –Aldous Huxley

Estimates of contributors to happiness and where we can influence happiness levels

Three Key Findings

Faith

Hope

Charity

Faith

Faith

Indiana Jones, Kierkegaard and The Fool on the Hill

Positive thinking

vs.

Possibilities

Faith

The Stockdale ParadoxJim Collins: Who didn't make it out (of the P.O.W. camp)?

Stockdale: Oh, that's easy. The optimists.

Collins: The optimists? I don't understand.

Stockdale: The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're

going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come and

they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would

come and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it

would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.

This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the need for discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

Faith

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

–Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Parting the Re(e)d Sea

The Israelites had to prove their loyalty and faith by plunging into the water! The first to obey was Nachshon the son of Aminadav (later the leader of the tribe of Judah). Nachshon walked forward and kept walking until the water came up to his nose. Then the sea split! Nachshon demonstrated the act of faith with his willingness to keep going even when the water came up to his neck. - from the Stone Edition of the Five Books of Moses, published by Mesorah Publications

Faith

When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.

Faith vs. Belief“Belief is the insistence that the truth is what one

would ‘lief’ or wish it to be . . .

Faith . . . is an unreserved opening of the mind to the truth, whatever it may turn out to be. Faith has no preconceptions; it is a plunge into the unknown.

Belief clings, but faith lets go . . . faith is the essential virtue of science, and likewise of any religion that is not self-deception.”

–Alan Watts

Faith “Faith is the ability to look at the world we have

created and see possibility, even as we acknowledge our capacity for destruction. It is the glue that holds our fractured pieces together and allows us to continue beyond all reason. The faith we seek is not the comfort of having all the answers. Rather, it is the will to keep asking the questions. Faith is the voice in the night that says we will go on.”

—Catherine Whitney, USA Today

Faith (David Whyte)Due to copyright restrictions, I cannot distribute copyrighted

materials for which I don’t own the copyright. Please support the artists by purchasing their materials.

Hope

Optimism and Positive Psychology

What we can learn from some psychotically optimistic dogs

Pessimistic vs. Optimistic Styles

Bad stuff is:Permanent and will persist;Pervasive;Out of my control

Reflects:My resourcelessness;Bad qualities (“I’m such a loser”)

Pessimistic explanatory style

Pessimistic vs. Optimistic Styles

Bad stuff is:Time and context limited (“I am just going through a rough patch”; or “This job sucks”);Under my influence

I possess good and resourceful qualities

Optimistic explanatory style

Good to knowOptimistic and pessimistic styles and tendencies are

relatively stable traits, but they can be affected by actions and changed focus of attention

One study found that even naturally pessimistic people who spent one week doing exercises in which they:

Identified and wrote down times in the past in which they were at their best

Wrote down their personal strengths

Expressed gratitude to someone they had never properly thanked

Wrote down three good things that happened that day

Were happier when their happiness levels were measured 6 months later

Seligman, M., Stern, T., Park, N & Peterson, C. (2005). “Positive Psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions,” American Psychologist, 60: 410-421.

Creating or restoring hope

Rehabilitating or inviting people into preferred, compelling positive futures

Elspeth McAdamElspeth McAdam. . . A young girl I was working with had

experienced abuse. She walked into my office as a very large girl with shaved hair, tattoos on her head, and I don't think she had showered in a week. I had been asked to see her because she was so angry. She clearly didn't want to come and see an expletive expletive shrink. She was very angry at being there. I just said to her, 'You've talked to everybody about your past. Let's talk about your dreams for the future.' And her whole face just lit up when she said her dream was to become a princess. In my mind I could not think of two more opposite visions–but I took her very seriously. I asked her about what the concept of princess meant for her.

. . . A young girl I was working with had experienced abuse. She walked into my office as a very large girl with shaved hair, tattoos on her head, and I don't think she had showered in a week. I had been asked to see her because she was so angry. She clearly didn't want to come and see an expletive expletive shrink. She was very angry at being there. I just said to her, 'You've talked to everybody about your past. Let's talk about your dreams for the future.' And her whole face just lit up when she said her dream was to become a princess. In my mind I could not think of two more opposite visions–but I took her very seriously. I asked her about what the concept of princess meant for her.

Elspeth McAdamElspeth McAdam

She started talking about being a people's princess who would do things for other people, who would be caring and generous and a beautiful ambassador. She described a princess who was slender and well dressed. Over the next few months, we started talking about what this princess would be doing. I discovered that, while this girl was 14 and hadn't been attending school for a long time, the princess was a social worker. I said, 'Okay it is now ten year's time and you have trained as a social worker. What university did you go to?' She mentioned one in the north of England. I asked, 'What did you read [study] there?' She said, 'I don't know, psychology and sociology and a few other things like that.' Then I said, 'Do you remember when you were 14? You'd been out of school for two or three years. Do you remember how you got back in school?'

She started talking about being a people's princess who would do things for other people, who would be caring and generous and a beautiful ambassador. She described a princess who was slender and well dressed. Over the next few months, we started talking about what this princess would be doing. I discovered that, while this girl was 14 and hadn't been attending school for a long time, the princess was a social worker. I said, 'Okay it is now ten year's time and you have trained as a social worker. What university did you go to?' She mentioned one in the north of England. I asked, 'What did you read [study] there?' She said, 'I don't know, psychology and sociology and a few other things like that.' Then I said, 'Do you remember when you were 14? You'd been out of school for two or three years. Do you remember how you got back in school?'

Elspeth McAdamElspeth McAdam

She said, 'I had this psychiatrist who helped me.' I said, 'How did she help you?' And she started talking about how we made a phone call to the school. I said, "Who spoke? Did you or her?' She replied, 'The psychiatrist spoke but she arranged a meeting for us to go to the school.' I said, 'Do you remember how you shook hands with the head teacher when you went in? And how you looked and what you wore?' We went into these minute details about what that particular meeting was like–looking from the future back. And she was able to describe the conversations we had had, how confident she had been, how well she had spoken, and the subjects she had talked about. I didn't say any more about it.

She said, 'I had this psychiatrist who helped me.' I said, 'How did she help you?' And she started talking about how we made a phone call to the school. I said, "Who spoke? Did you or her?' She replied, 'The psychiatrist spoke but she arranged a meeting for us to go to the school.' I said, 'Do you remember how you shook hands with the head teacher when you went in? And how you looked and what you wore?' We went into these minute details about what that particular meeting was like–looking from the future back. And she was able to describe the conversations we had had, how confident she had been, how well she had spoken, and the subjects she had talked about. I didn't say any more about it.

Elspeth McAdamElspeth McAdam

About a month after this conversation she said to me, 'I think it's about time we went to the school, don't you? Can you ring and make an appointment?' I asked if she needed to talk about it anymore and she said no, that she knew how to behave. When we went into the school she was just brilliant. I first met that girl ten years ago. Now she is a qualified social worker. She fulfilled her dream–although she didn't go to the university she mentioned.

About a month after this conversation she said to me, 'I think it's about time we went to the school, don't you? Can you ring and make an appointment?' I asked if she needed to talk about it anymore and she said no, that she knew how to behave. When we went into the school she was just brilliant. I first met that girl ten years ago. Now she is a qualified social worker. She fulfilled her dream–although she didn't go to the university she mentioned.

Future-Orientation Research

Participants in a study were asked to write down their ideal

future, in which all had gone well and they had met their desired

hopes and goals, for a few minutes on 4 consecutive days

Control groups were asked to write about a traumatic event that

had happened to them for those minutes on 4 days; another was

asked to write about life goals as well as a trauma; another

control group was asked to write about their plans for the day on

those 4days

Results: The “future-oriented” group reported more subjective

well-being after the experiment than the controls; the trauma

and “future-oriented” groups both had less illness when

followed up 5 months later

King, L.A. (2001). “The health benefits of writing about life goals,” Personality and

Social Psychology Bulletin, 27:798-807.

Expectancy talk

When; will

How quickly?

Yet; so far

After; before

Letter From The Future Have the client write a letter from their future self to their

current self from a place they are happier and have resolved

the issues that are concerning them now

From [five years/two months/ten years/one year] from now; let your intuition and their response guide the time frame; adjust as necessary

Have them describe where they are, what they are doing,

what they have gone through to get there, and so on

Have them write about the crucial things they realized or did

to get there or write about some crucial turning points that

led to this future

Give themselves some sage and compassionate advice from

the future

Letter From The FutureUse these questions to guide their letter writing:

What have you learned and gained perspective on since back in [fill in the present date/year]?

What things were you worried or frightened about in those days that seem trivial or far away for you today?

What problems seemed overwhelming or insurmountable in those days that you did eventually resolve or overcome?

What sage advice would your future self give to that present self?

What comfort or reassurance would your future self give to your present self?

Who were you troubled by, frightened by or concerned with that now doesn’t matter as much?

Exercise: Future Self Letter

Try writing the future letter to yourself to find out what it feels like from the inside out

Try the method with one of your clients/patients within the next few weeks

Letter to Me (Brad Paisley)

Hope comes from believing your efforts can make a difference

Carol Dweck and colleagues gave children a fairly simple puzzle and told half the kids a comment that told them they were smart and the other half that they must have worked hard to solve the puzzles. Then they offered them a choice of simple or challenging puzzles. 90% of the kids who were praised for effort chose the difficult puzzles; a majority of the kids who were praised for intelligence chose the easier ones. Then all the kids were given some difficult puzzles. Then some that were about as easy as the initial ones. The “work hard” kids did 30% better than they had in the initial scores, while the “intelligence” kids scores declined by 20%.

A. Cimpian et. al (2007). “Subtle Linguistic Clues Affect Children’s motivations,” Psychological Science, 18:314-316.

Working backwards from the future When we are done with therapy and things are better, what

will be happening in your life?

What could you do, think or focus on during the next while that would help you move a little bit in that direction or would at least be compatible with it?

If your problem disappeared, what would be different?

• In your relationships?

• In your daily life?

• In your thinking or focus of attention?

• In your actions?

• In any other areas?

Is there any part of that you could start to implement in the near future?

Future Pull

“The best thing about the future is that comes only one day at a time.” –Abraham Lincoln

Charity

Helping Others as a Path to Happiness

Contribution/Service, Compassion and

Forgiveness

GivingBlessings: Being an angel or

mentor for someone

Andrew Clements Blessed example

Ricky Boone Blessed story

Exercise: Finding/identifying angels, mentors and models

• Who has taken a special interest in you and encouraged you?

• Who believes or believed in you?

• Who has been/is your mentor?

• Who have been your inspirational models?

• Who has blessed you?

• Who has been your angel?

Gratitude LettersIn research studies, both initiator and recipient

of a gratitude letter report positive outcomes.

Instructions: Write a gratitude letter to a person you choose, expressing your gratitude and for what and why, specifically, you are grateful.

If at all possible, deliver it personally and ask the person to read the letter in your presence.

If personal delivery is not possible, mail, fax, or email the letter and follow up with a phone call.

Source: Chris Peterson, A Primer in Positive Psychology

Contribution/Service

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. –John Ruskin

The Dead Sea (no outlet) vs. The Sea of Galilee (outlet)

Relevant research

Life satisfaction was shown to increase 24% with the level of altruistic activity in the person’s life.

Williams, A., Haber, D., Weaver, G. and Freeman, J. (1998). “Altruistic activity,” Activities, Adaptation, and Aging, 22:31.

Contribution and Compassion

It’s Not About You!

“We make a living by what we get.  But we make a life by what we give.”  –Winston

Churchill

Albert Schweitzer

You must give something to your fellow men. Even if it is a little thing, do something for those who have need of help, something for which you get no pay but the privilege of giving. . . The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?

Contribution U of Michigan study by Stephanie Brown

•423 older couples- 5 year study•Couples who reported (unpaid) helping someone else even as little as once a year were between 40 and 60% less likely to die than those who reported not helping anyone else during the previous year•Examples: volunteering, babysitting for grandchildren; assisting family members

Brown, Stephanie; Nesse, Randolph; Vinokur, Amiram; and Smith, Dylan. (2003). “Providing Social Support May Be More Beneficial Than Receiving It: Results From a Prospective Study of Mortality” Psychological Science, 14:320–27.

I, Me, Mine as a clue to suicide

About 300 poems from the early, middle and late periods of nine suicidal poets and nine non-suicidal poets — from the 1800s to the present — were compared using the computer text analysis program, Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count (LIWC)

Textual analysis of poets who committed suicide shows more use of the words “I,” “me,” and “mine,” when compared with poets who died of natural causes.

Shannon Wiltsey Stirman and James Pennebaker. (2001). “Word Use in the Poetry of Suicidal and Nonsuicidal Poets,” Psychosomatic Medicine, 63:517-522.

Laura King, U of Mo.

“People who want to live a more fulfilling life should quite reading self-help books and start helping others.”

(quoted in Biswas-Diener, R. and Dean, B. (2007). Positive Psychology Coaching, NY: Wiley.)

W.H. Auden

We are all here on earth to help others;

what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.

Developing Compassion

Compassion

Passion=Feeling

Com=with

Compassion Research Brain scans (fMRI) of long-time meditating Tibetan

Buddhist monks who practice compassionate meditations compared with controls noted: Decreased stress Increased activity in brain areas related to empathy Increased baseline activity in left pre-frontal cortex

(associated with happiness in other studies)

Lutz A, Brefczynski-Lewis J, Johnstone T, Davidson RJ. (2008). “Regulation of the Neural Circuitry of Emotion by Compassion Meditation: Effects of Meditative Expertise.” PLoS ONE 3(3): e1897. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0001897

Forgiveness

"Forgive," according to Webster's New World Dictionary, means: "to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; pardon; to overlook an offense; to cancel a debt.”

For more on this subject, visit:

http://www.loveandforgive.org/

http://www.forgiving.org/

Self-CompassionOne study found that people who are unable to

forgive themselves or others also have an increased incidence of depression and callousness toward others.

Pargament, K.L., et al. (1998). Journal of Scientific Study of Religion, 37:710-724.

ForgivenessRobert Enright, Ph.D., an educational psychologist at

the University of Wisconsin-Madison, stresses that true forgiveness is not:

･ Forgetting. If the hurt wounded you enough to require forgiveness, you may always have a memory of it.

･ Excusing or condoning. The wrong should not be denied, minimized, or justified.

･ Reconciling. You can forgive the offender and still choose not to reestablish the relationship.

･Weakness. You do not become a doormat or oblivious to cruelty.

Forgiveness research

The act of forgiveness can result in:Less anxietyLess depressionBetter health outcomesIncreased coping with stressIncreased feelings of closeness to God and

others

Worthington, E.L. (ed.) (1997). Dimensions of Forgiveness:  Psychological Research & Theological Perspectives. PA: Templeton Foundation Press.

Forgiveness steps/process

R.E.A.C.H.

Recall the hurt

Emotional shift

Altrusitic gift of forgiveness for the transgressor

Commitment to emotional shift

Hold onto the forgiveness

Worthington, E.L. (ed.) (1997). Dimensions of Forgiveness:  Psychological Research & Theological Perspectives. PA: Templeton Foundation Press.

Forgiveness research20 women who had been emotionally abused in

relationships were assigned to either forgiveness training or training in anger validation, assertiveness and interpersonal skill building.

Women in the forgiveness group showed significantly greater improvement in trait anxiety, PTSD, self-esteem, amount of forgiveness, environmental mastery and finding meaning in suffering.

Reed, G.L et.al (2006). Journal of Clinical Psychology, October, 920-929.

Forgiveness LetterThink of the people who have wronged you whom you

have never explicitly forgiven, although you would like to do so.

Write a letter, not necessarily to be sent, to one of these individuals describing in concrete terms why you forgive him or her.

Do not send this letter unless you really want to do so and are sincere in your forgiveness.

Derived from Chris Peterson’s A Primer in Positive Psychology. NY: Oxford University Press, 2006.

One way to think of forgiveness

“Turning the other cheek turns out to have selfish advantages. Someone who does you an injury hurts you twice: first by the injury itself, and second by taking up your time afterward thinking about it. If you learn to ignore injuries you can at least avoid the second half. I've found I can to some extent avoid thinking about nasty things people have done to me by telling myself: this doesn't deserve space in my head. I'm always delighted to find I've forgotten the details of disputes, because that means I hadn't been thinking about them. My wife thinks I'm more forgiving than she is, but my motives are purely selfish.” –Paul Graham

Fred Luskin’s idea on forgiveness

It moves the person from a victim story to a hero story

Some has been active rather than passive

They have chosen to forgive a wrong; that involves seizing their power back from the other person or the situation

Forgiveness

“Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.” –E.H. Chapin

Forgiveness

“Always forgive your enemies;

nothing annoys them so much.”

–Oscar Wilde

Compassion

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

–Dalai Lama

Egyptian Afterlife Entry Questions

Have you found joy in your life?

Has your life brought joy to others?

Source: The Bucket List, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson

Best Summary Books

Martin Seligman, Authentic Happiness

Chris Peterson, A Primer in Positive Psychology

Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness

Eric Weiner, The Geography of Bliss

Dan Gilbert, Stumbling On Happiness

Resources Journal of Happiness Studies

www.authentichappiness.org

www.pos-psych.com

www.ppc.sas.upenn.edu

www.bus.umich.edu/Positive

www.viastrengths.org

www.centreforconfidence.co.uk

www.psych.uiuc.edu/~ediener

people.virginia.edu/~jdh6n

www.faculty.ucr.edu/~sonja

89.234.4.50/cappeu/index.aspx

Bill O’Hanlon’s infoWebsites:http://www.BillOHanlon.comhttp://www.PublishingaBook.comhttp://www.PaidPublicSpeaker.com

Email:Bill@billohanlon.com