Opening: Spokesperson: “Hello Notre Dame students, I’m here today at your world renowned academic in-stitution to talk to you about a serious problem. It has been occupying the minds and influencing the actions of students for years now. It’s a hot button topic and it affects all students, some dif-ferently than others. But it is about time that we talk about it. I’m alluding to Feve.”

(FEVE appears largely on the screen)

First cuts to girls at LaFun:Girl 1: “Meagan, do you know what day it is”Girl 2: “Thursday?”Girl 1: “No silly! It is Thirsty Thursday, otherwise known as Feveday!” Girl 2: “Oh well . . . I have a paper, so I probably won’t go to Feve.”Girl 1: “Feve only comes once a week. You are going to have so many papers to write in col-lege.”Girl 2: “You know what, you are so right. I am going to go to Feve, be hungover, wake up the next morning, skip my classes, write that paper right before the deadline, and still get a below av-erage grade.”

Cut to workout room: Guy having a conversation with himself in the mirror“Going to Feve tonight?”“Nahhh bro im trynna get deez gainz.”“What you can’t just work out at Feve?”“Nah dawg, my body’s a temple.”

Cut to girl online shopping for halloween costume:Girl shopping: “You know I am just looking for a costume for Feveween.”Guy in hotdog costume: “She looks really naughty.”Guy in Scooby Doo costume: “But she still looks nice.”Guy in hotdog costume: “She does look nice! Great point.”Girl shopping: “I have to find a costume, then I can start my homework. All about priorities.”Guy in hotdog costume: “Absolutely. Got to have a nice costume for Feve.”

Cut to students playing soccer Student: “Ahhh . . . my liver. I need that if I am going to drink alcohol at Feve.”

Cut to fake professor:Professor: “Well. I was going to have homework assigned tonight, but all the students will be go-ing to Feve anyway, so I decided to cancel it.”

AACCCAA spokesperson:Spokesperson: “Thirsty Thursday is a threat to you and to your peers. Guided by the principles of DuLac, the wise words of Erin Hoffman Harding, and those captivating Building Community videos, we must hold ourselves to a higher standard.”

Counterargument:

Guy: “But Corey, Feve is an important part to everyone’s college experience. Making mistakes is what makes us adults. How can we do that if we don’t have some fun.”

Scene with AACCCAA spokesperson addressing counterargument:“But if you really valued growing and developing as a young, mature adult, would you have not have learned from the consequences of your actions the first time.”

Ending includes picture of all of usCaption: SAY NO TO FEVE