A Special Section Focusing On Mind and Spirit

New Brighton woman’s bookdescribes her journey with God

BY EMILY HEDGESCONTRIBUTING WRITER

Shirley Shumaker’s (85) life can bedivided into two phases: before Aug. 22,1964 and everything after. On that Fridayafternoon, her husband came home andtold her he was leaving. He said if thingsdidn’t work out, he’d be back. Then hekissed her on the cheek and walked outthe door.

The agnostic, stay-at-home, mother ofthree simply got up, walked into her bed-room, and shut the door. What happenednext would define the rest of her life andstart her down the path of writing.

In the book she would publish 24 yearslater, Overtaken By Love: Growing inSpiritual Intimacy, Shumaker describesthat fateful day:

“I walked into the bedroom and lookedat the eastern sky. Suddenly I feltimmersed in love, and somehow I knew itwas God. Then I felt a deep sense thateverything was going to be alright.”

Although raised a Catholic, Shumakersays she thought of God as more the “oldman in the sky” than a real presence. Butafter that defining moment of feelingGod’s closeness, she led a different sort oflife, although she admits it didn’t keepher from worrying about the future with-out her husband.

“I became a Christian, but I was also asingle mother with no job and three chil-dren,” she said. “But the words, the Lordwould open the door, brought me com-fort.”

Over the next phase of her life,

Shumaker found the right job and theright home just when she needed it. Atthe same time, her search for spiritualunderstanding led her into what shewould later characterize in her book as“occult.” It was during this time, shebegan to write, producing her first man-uscript.

She writes in Overtaken By Love, “Itwas returned to me by the publisher andthat rejection was used of God to moti-vate me to destroy my stack of occult

writing … I tore everything into shredsand stuffed the mound of torn paper intothe same trash bag in which I’d tossedthe occult books.”

Shumaker didn’t give up on her writ-ing. Over the years, she produced a grow-ing pile of personal journals and essaysthat later formed the basis of OvertakenBy Love. She started working on herbook in earnest after retiring in her late60s, completing it in her 70s.

“I started writing when I found some-

thing in the scriptures that spoke to me,”she said. She shared her writing withfriends and family. Their positiveresponse encouraged her to continue.Union Life magazine published two ofher articles in 1987 and 1991.

“It was a holy spirit-led operation. I’dsit and write, and if the Holy Spirit was-n’t speaking to me in my heart, I’d quitfor a few days. A book gradually devel-oped.”

By 2008 she had a complete, 24-chaptermanuscript published by Zulon press, aself-publisher for Christian authors.

“I bought copies and distributed themto friends and family,” she said. “I’m alsoin the process of trying to get Barnes &Noble to carry it.”

For Shumaker, it’s all about sharingthe message of God’s love with those whohunger for a closer relationship withHim. She writes in the synopsis found onthe back of the book: “We are living cellsin the body of Christ; living stones in Histemple; lights in the world and livingepistles for all to read. May the HolySpirit sprinkle the diamond dust of reve-lation throughout; heavenly fragmentsthat will cling to the fingers which turnthe pages while He quickens the heartand confirms His unconditional, unwa-vering love toward every son and daugh-ter.”

Shumaker currently lives in NewBrighton near her three children Lori,Greg and Steve, and two grandchildrenConnor and Fallon. Overtaken By Love:Growing in Spiritual Intimacy may bepurchased at Amazon.com.

2 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Long-term care insuranceWith 70 million baby boomers hitting

retirement age, there has been a surge insales of long-term care insurance. Long-term care insurance pays for your care inmany settings, such as at home, a nursinghome, assisted living facility, or adult daycare should you suffer from an illness orinjury.

Sounds like something only older peopleneed to worry about, right?

Wrong. According to insurance industry

sources, about 40 percent of long-term carerecipients are between the ages of 18 and64. So if you’ve heard about long-term careinsurance and thought, “I don’t need thatbecause I’m still young,” there are otherconsiderations.

A debilitating injury could affect you atany age, say the experts at the MinnesotaSociety of CPAs. With health care costspredicted to continue to increase rapidly inthe foreseeable future, you may want toinvestigate long-term care insurance toprotect your assets and help pay for your

care without depleting your – or your lovedones’ – life savings.

What is long-term care insurance?Long-term care insurance covers care

that isn’t typically covered by your tradi-tional health insurance, Medicare orMedicaid. Long-term care insurance kicksin when you are beyond being “sick” in thetraditional sense and can no longer per-form at least two of the six “activities ofdaily living” (ADLs): bathing, dressing,eating, transferring, toileting and conti-nence.

It may sound like long-term care insur-ance is the same as Medicaid, but the twoare very different. Long-term care insur-ance is a policy you purchase to be surethat your needs are met in the way youwould like them to be while Medicaid pro-vides medically necessary services for peo-ple with limited resources. Medicaid typi-cally doesn’t cover long-term care in yourhome or a private room in a facility. It’simportant for you to consider how youwould like to have your needs addressed

should you need long-term care.What should you purchase?

Policies, benefits and premiums vary.Determine your wants and needs first andthen look for a policy that fits your situa-tion. Purchasing sooner rather than laterwill likely be less expensive. Currently, themost popular type of long-term care insur-ance is a tax qualified policy, whichrequires that a person 1) be expected torequire care for at least 90 days, and beunable to perform two or more ADLs; or 2)for at least 90 days, need substantial assis-tance due to a severe cognitive impair-ment. Benefits from a tax qualified policyare non-taxable.

Non-tax qualified plans used to be thetraditional long-term care insurance. Itoften includes a “trigger” called a “medicalnecessity” trigger. This means that thepatient’s own doctor, or that doctor in con-junction with someone from the insurancecompany, can state that the patient needscare for any medical reason and the policywill pay. The Treasury Department has not

clarified the status of benefits receivedunder a non-qualified long-term careinsurance plan. This means that it is possi-ble that individuals who receive benefitsunder a non-qualified long-term careinsurance policy risk facing a large tax billfor these benefits.

Long-term care insurance rates aredetermined by six main factors: the per-son’s age, the daily (or monthly) benefit,how long the benefits pay, the eliminationperiod, inflation protection, and the healthrating (preferred, standard, sub-standard).

The National Association of InsuranceCommissioners advises against purchas-ing long-term care insurance if you cur-rently receive or may soon receiveMedicaid benefits.

Long-term care insurance can be expen-sive. Shop around, find a policy that suitsyour needs, check the company’s reputa-tion, and don’t be rushed into purchasingsomething that isn’t right for you.

To find a CPA, consult mncpa.org/refer-ral to locate one in your area.

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In the Community, With the Community, For the Community www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 3

BY EMILY HEDGESCONTRIBUTING WRITER

How do you mourn someone whois physically here, but psychological-ly absent? How do you accept thatyou can no longer do all the normalactivities that you’re used to? How doyou find companionship when youare all alone? These are some of thequestions that Minnetonka therapistDr. Jody Grande of Hope Allianzfaces daily with her aging clients.

The New Hope resident began herpractice in Minnetonka in 2003 witha focus on family care giving, some-thing she became interested in whilein graduate school. After writing herdissertation on families living withmental illness, she realized howmuch need there was, and how much“ambiguous loss” played into lifeexperiences.

While in school, Grande was heav-ily influenced by the work of PaulineBoss, professor of family and socialscience at the University ofMinnesota, who is known for herground-breaking research on the the-ory of ambiguous loss. In her bookAmbiguous Loss: Learning to Livewith Unresolved Grief, she explainsthat ambiguous loss is associatedwith a lack of closure, such as a fam-ily member with Alzheimer’s dis-ease.

Dr. Grande sees ambiguous lossfrequently when working with herolder clients, who make up approxi-mately one-quarter of her practice.

“I see ambiguous loss as the lossof ability to do what we once did,”said Dr. Grande. “With ambiguousloss, there are no rituals to follow.With death, for example, we have rit-uals.”

Dr. Grande knows about this fromexperience. Married to a man 22 yearsolder than her, the 60-year-old findsherself mourning the aspects of lifethey can no longer share.

“My relationship with my husbandis still there, but we don’t take walks

or travel due to limiting health issuesand limited energy,” she said. “I seethe transitions going on with my hus-band – driving, connecting with peo-ple, cognitivity, memory loss – Ilearned to step back and be patient

with the process.” Part of being patient is the under-

standing of how we all change in sim-ilar ways with each passing decade,according to Grande.

“We tend to ask ourselves similar

questions, ‘what have I done andwhere am I going?’ And as we getolder, “where have we been and howdo we want to end this life?’ come tothe forefront.”

When you add loneliness to it, sheunderstands that life can be extreme-ly difficult for her older clients.

That’s why Dr. Grande says she isopen to spending a little extra timewith her older clients.

“They are lonely, and I am here. Isee how important that is to myclients. I do see more of that need theolder the client is.”

She sees many reasons for loneli-ness. Sometimes families don’t liveclose by, or they don’t want to botherthem.

“They need to wake up and notfeel depressed. They need youngerfriends, and they need exercise,” shesaid. “Basically they need someoneto talk to.”

She recalls visiting an assistedliving center with her mother andmeeting an elderly woman whoseemed to embody the lonelinessthat she frequently sees in her prac-tice.

“One dear lady introduced her-self. She was so excited she couldhardly contain herself. She said,“Your mother could live across thehall from me. We could be bestfriends.’”

Dr. Grande hopes to expand herpractice to include life skills trainingwhich would focus on building theskills necessary to flourish at thistime of life.

“Our population is aging and weneed to step back and manage howwe think about it,” she said. “Indoing research on what’s out there, Ihave realized that opportunities arelimited.”

For more information on HopeAllianz, go to www.hopeallianz.com.For more information on localresources for seniors and caregivers,go to www.seniorcommunityser-vices.org.

‘Ambiguous loss’ can weigh heavilyon older individuals

Dr. Jody Grande

4 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Crystal woman finds joy in her artBY EMILY HEDGES

CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Fabric painter Judi Jacobson’smedium changed the day a car ran ared light and slammed into her dri-ver’s side door almost killing her.

It would take time to return toher craft, but when she did, shefound her canvas had narrowed. Herbroad strokes of color had becomefine lines of detail. Her art hadmoved from a focus on aestheticimpact, to a celebration of life’streasured moments.

Before the accident, Judi and afriend began a business custompainting large area rugs.

“My girlfriend and I were lookingfor something to do with our time.We had been stay-at-home moms,but the kids were older. We decidedto give it a shot,” said the 58-year-oldCrystal resident.

In the first year, a builder com-missioned them to create an entryrug for a $300,000 house to be fea-tured in the Parade of Homes.

“Being a new business, wethought, ‘Wow, someone likes whatwe’re doing.’ It was a feather in ourcap.”

Unfortunately, Judi’s accident inAugust of 1996 cut their successshort.

“That was a very trying time forall of us. I felt horrible for the peo-ple who had to watch me go throughit,” she said. “I have no pain now. Ijust have recovered better than Iever expected, or anyone expected.I’m just happy about living.”

Although Judi healed quickly, herdesire to paint took longer to return.

“My partner went on to do otherthings because I was not up to paint-ing,” she said. “It took a whilebefore I felt like picking up a brushagain.”

One of the first pieces she wasinspired to do was a wall hanging

for the physical therapy departmentthat she credits with getting herback on her feet. From there, she

found she no longer had the desireto paint large, abstract rugs.Instead, she narrowed her work to

small objects like pillows, apronsand wall hangings. Rather than cre-ating her own designs, she foundthat she most enjoyed recreatingartwork from special event invita-tions.

“I copy like nobody’s business,”she said. “Tracing was my favoritething to do as a kid. I loved coloringin the lines.”

After almost 15 years, her custompieces are in demand when clientsneed a memorable gift, most oftenfor weddings, bar mitzvahs, andhousewarmings.

“I can duplicate the font from awedding invitation, or even recreatea picture of a house for a house-warming gift,” she said. “I reallyenjoy fine, detailed fabric painting.”

When Judi has time to createpieces for herself, she says she’sdrawn to the color red.

“I love bright colors, although Idon’t always get to pick the color formy custom work,” she said. “In myhouse I do a lot with reds, and someblack and white.”

Two years ago, one of her pieces,a zebra face on black suede, wasaccepted in a juried competitionheld at the Plymouth CommunityCenter. Although she didn’t win, shefelt honored to have been included.In fact, these days, Judi just feelshonored to be doing any of thethings she once took for granted.

“I shouldn’t have lived throughthe accident. Sixteen years later, Iwake up every day, happy to be upwith my feet on the floor, happy towalk, happy for what I can do at endof the day. I’m just happy.”

She feels this gratitude thestrongest when she finds herself ather own special occasions.

“Dancing at my kids’ weddings.Playing with my sweetest littlegrandson. I cherish every day I have.It’s truly given me a new perspectiveon life.”

Serious auto accident fosters a great appreciation for everyday living

Judi Jacobson

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 5

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6 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Age, health, family can hinderpersonal relationships

BY EMILY HEDGESCONTRIBUTING WRITER

When Boyd Phelps, 88, of Eden Prairie mar-ried his wife, Shirley, on Sept. 11, 1948, he knewhe had found the love of his life. For almost 60years the couple lived together, raised two chil-dren, and faced whatever challenges cametheir way. But after Shirley passed away, for thefirst time since HarryTruman was in office,Phelps experienced whatit was to be alone.

“I was just watchingTV, nothing but watch-ing TV. I could tell youevery program on everynight of the week,” hesaid. “I started thinkingthere’s got to be more tolife than this.”

Phelps decided tostart getting out. Hebegan by contacting oldfriends. One of the firstpeople he called wasCarol, a friend he hadknown for more than 40years.

“She used to call upevery few months to seehow I was getting along.We started going outtogether. It was fun tomeet once a week. Thenit became twice a week,”he said.

Boyd’s wife Shirleyhad gone to high schoolwith Carol. He playedgolf with Carol’s hus-band for decades. Thetwo couples were even ina dance club for almost 20 years.

“We always saw each other socially. We wentto dinner at each other’s houses as couples,” heremembered.

Now Boyd and Carol take vacations togeth-er. They particularly love cruises. As of lastmonth, Carol is living in the same independentliving center.

“Under the same roof but not in the sameapartment,” Boyd was quick to add.

Relationships like the one Boyd and Carol

share are important to many seniors accordingto Sandra Grace of Healing Works in Chaska.But sometimes they can be tricky.

“As they age, people want someone to bethere,” said Grace. “They wonder if they willfind compassion and patience from someone.They worry how health issues will limitthem,” she said.

She also points out that for many surviving

spouses, guilt can hinder their ability to moveon.

“If you had a loving relationship with adeep connection, it can be really hard to moveon and let go of that,” said Grace. “There’sguilt about how the children are going to per-ceive it. Will they think they’re not honoringthe spirit of their mother or father?”

One of the first things Boyd did was talk tohis daughter.

“At first she thought I wanted to talk to her

to tell her I had cancer,” remembered Boyd. “Ittook her a few days to get used to the idea, butshe responded in the affirmative to the rela-tionship.”

Grace says that what grown children thinkabout their parents entering a new relation-ship can be one of the biggest obstacles.

“Kids can be very threatened, especially ifthere is any kind of wealth,” said Grace. “They

suspect their motiva-tions.”

But Grace encouragesthe children to see theirparent’s new relation-ships as a blessing.

“Many times theirkids are busy. If they areable to find someone,their kids should bethankful.”

So part of her job is tohelp older clients movepast those feelings ofguilt and other barriersthat can stand in the wayof a successful andhealthy new relationship.

“Sometimes as peoplebecome older, they getrigid in their beliefs, rou-tines, family rituals, intheir physical surround-ings,” she said.

The challenge comesin figuring out how tocompromise.

Another concern isattractiveness. Gracefinds many clients worryabout whether or notthey will be attractive toanyone, especially ifthere are health issues.

“Hopefully we are more spiritually attrac-tive, instead of all the materialist trappings,”said Grace.

It’s this focus on the opportunities ratherthan the limitations of dating later in life thatGrace stresses to her clients.

“If we age gracefully, we have more compas-sion, wisdom. We feel lighter,” said Grace.“There is no biological clock ticking or careerbuilding. During this time, it’s not aboutbecoming; it’s about being.”

Boyd and Carol

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 7

Today’s families are more geographical-ly diverse than ever before. Whereas it wasonce common for families to remain inthe same city or state for generations,nowadays families routinely spread outacross the country if not the world.Thanks to technological advancementsthat make it easier than ever before tostay in touch, families today can stillthrive and stay close even if they livehundreds, if not thousands, of milesaway from one another.

One issue facing many families thathave chosen to spread out is how to helpMom and Dad when they reach the agewhere they need their adult childrens’help. While this wasn’t a problem for thefamilies of yesteryear, it is a genuineconcern for adults who live far awayfrom their parents. Fortunately there areways to be there for your elderly parentseven when you can’t physically be therefor them.

* Speak to your parents about what theyneed. While some parents might not beable to realistically assess their needs,children should speak to their parentswhen making decisions about their care.Adults who live far away from their par-ents might not know exactly what Momand Dad need, so discuss the problemsthey might be having on a day-to-basis todetermine the level of care or assistancethey will need.

* Examine finances. Managing money isoften difficult for seniors who have had anaccident or are dealing with a serious med-ical condition. Seniors might forget to paybills or be struggling to manage moneywith the escalating costs of prescription

medications and health care in general.To help avoid missed bills, adult chil-

dren can utilize online bill paying offeredby many banks, wherein bills are automat-ically paid each month on their due dateby simply being deducted from a givenaccount. Adult children can also consult afinancial advisor to develop a plan thatallows seniors access to their money whileensuring it will still be there when theyneed it.

* Research community resources. Manycommunities provide adequate resourcesfor the elderly who might be incapacitatedor otherwise need assistance. Programssuch as Meals on Wheels can be a greatassistance to long-distance caregivers con-cerned about their elderly parents.Residents of the United States can consultwith the Department of Health andHuman Services or visitwww.Eldercare.gov and use their elder-care locator to find local agencies designedto help older persons and their familiesaccess community-based services includ-ing transportation, meal delivery andhomecare.

* Stay in touch with seniors’ physicians.One way to monitor elderly parents fromfar away is to keep in frequent contactwith their physicians. Discuss the situa-tion with your parents’ physicians in per-son, and ask to be kept abreast of anychanges in their health that might requirealtering their daily routines or homecareschedules.

For additional tips or information onhelping elderly parents from afar, visit theU.S. Administration on Aging Web site atwww.aoa.gov.

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8 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

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