friendships worksheet

8/4/2019 Friendships Worksheet

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Friendships worksheetThe following questions are designed to help you take a look at your friendships and how they work. If you need more space for any

answers, just continue on the back of this sheet.

1. List below one or more friends.

a.

b.

c.

d.

e.

2. How often do you see each other or talk on the phone?

a.

b.

c.

d.e.

3. How do you make arrangements to get together? That is, who initiates your making arrangements?

a.

b.c.

d.

e.

4. What kinds of activities do you do together? Include any of the following: confiding, giving each other practical help, shared activities

and/or interests.

a.

b.

c.d.

e.

5. Have you had problems or arguments? If so, how have you worked them out? Examples might include talking things over, verbal

arguments, physical fights, ending the friendship, avoiding the issue.

a.

b.

c.

d.

e.

6. Have you and your friend(s) ever been separated, or were there changes in one of your lives that meant you didnt see each other as

frequently? Examples might include one person getting married or moving away or being hospitalized. If so, did you continue to stay intouch, or did the friendship end? If you kept it going, did one person do most of the work to stay in touch?

a.

b.

c.

d.

e.

Now that you have answered these questions, do you see any particular patterns in your friendships? What do you especially value about

them? Is there anything that you would like to change?

Romantic relationships Work Sheet

The following questions are designed to help you think about your romantic relationships. If you have not been in a relationship in a

while, you might want to focus most on the second question. If you are not currently in a relationship, answer the questions on the basis

of how things were in your most significant relationship in the past.

1. List below one or more romantic relationships you have had over your lifetime. You might want to consider the most important or themost current one.

2. If you havent had a relationship in a long time, what do you think has gotten in the way? Do you want to meet someone? Do you

avoid chances to meet someone? If you do meet someone you are interested in (or who is interested in you), what gets in the way of

establishing a relationship?

3. Looking back at your important relationships, how did they develop? Did you fall madly in love immediately? Did the relationshipbecome intense quickly and then fizzle out? Or did things start slowly? Did the relationship never really seem to develop after a good

start? Did you just sort of drift into relationships with no clear beginning?


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4. Once the relationship was established, did the two of you recognize it as such, for example, by calling each other your partner oryour boyfriend or girlfriend? Did you live together, and how did that come about? Did you get married and how did that come about?

Were there problems that you noticed early on but tried to ignore as the relationship progressed?

5. Do you have a sexual relationship? How do you feel about it? Does your partner appreciate you sexually? Do you appreciate him or

her? Do you express affection for each other during sex, or outside of sex? Are you considerate of each other sexually? For example:

Who initiates sex and in what way? Does either of you do things that the other objects to? How is the responsibility for birth control

managed? Are you faithful to one another? Do you discuss fidelity? If one of you were unfaithful, would you talk about it, ignore it, or

break up?

6. How do you make decisions? How is the work of the household divided up? Who takes care of the finances, the yard, the shopping,

and the laundry?

7. When you have disputes or differences of opinion, how do you manage them? When you change your mind about something in the

relationship or you become aware of something that bothers you, what do you do? Examples might include: talking things over, verbal

arguments, bickering and sarcasm, physical fights, ending the relationship, avoiding the issue, pretending nothing really happened.

8. Do you confide in each other? Can you trust him/her to keep your confidences? What kind of information do you share? What dontyou share? Why not?

9. How do you show support for your partner? How does your partner show support for you? Do you agree about what kind of behavior

is supportive and what is not supportive?

10. Now that you have answered these questions, do you see any particular patterns in your romantic relationship(s)? What do youespecially value about it/them? Is there anything that you would like to change?

Family relationships work sheet

The following questions are designed to help you think about your relationships with family members, including your family of origin

(parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.) and your family of marriage (in-laws, children). Just answer whatever section(s) apply to your

family relationships.

Parents and step-parents

1a. How often do you see or communicate with your parent(s)? Do you have regular contact? By what means do you communicate (visit,

write, call, email, etc.)?

2a. How do you get along with your parent(s)?

3a. If there is a dispute between you and your parents, how is it handled? Do you talk about it? Do you cut off from one another? Do youargue, threaten, or get into physical fights? Do you fight and make up, or do they fight and never speak again?

4a. How have your relationships with your parent(s) changed since your adolescence or early adulthood?

Children living at home

1b. When do you spend time with your children? How do you communicate with your children? Can you describe your style of relating to

them?

2b. What kinds of things do you do with your children? Who decides what you do with them? What kinds of routines do you have (such

as mealtimes, bedtimes)? If they have homework to do, how are you involved?

3b. What kinds of limits do you set with your children? Do they respect the limits? Do you discipline them? In what way?

4b. How do you celebrate holidays, vacations, or special occasions together? How are these events planned? What usually happens (e.g.

fun, avoidance, arguments, disappointment)?

5b. If you have a dispute or disagreement with your children, how is it handled? Do you talk about it? Do you cut off from one another?

Do you argue, threaten, or get into physical fights? Do you fight and make up or fight and not speak again? Do you avoid talking in order

to protect someones feelings? Do you blame each other?

6b. How do you feel about how your children are doing?

Children Living on their Own

1c. How often do you see or communicate with your children? By what means do you communicate (visit, write, call, email, etc.)? Canyou describe your style of relating to them?

2c. Do you celebrate holidays or special occasions together?How are these events planned? What usually happens (e.g. fun, avoidance,

arguments, disappointment)?

3c. How do you feel about your children and how they are leading their lives?

4c. How have your relationships with your children changed since their adolescence?


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Other ramily-of-origin members and family as a whole1d. How often do you see or communicate with your siblings? Do you have regular contact with other family members, such as

grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and/or grandparents? By what means do you communicate (visit, write, call, email, etc.)? Do

you think that your family has a typical style of relating to one another and can you define that?

2d. Did you attend the last major family event (e.g. vacation, holiday celebration, wedding, funeral, bar mitzvah, etc.)? If not, why? If

yes, why did you go (e.g., for pleasure; to see family members; out of a sense of duty)? How was the event planned? How did family

members get along? How did you feel at the event?

3d. If there is a dispute in the family, how is it handled? Do people talk about it? Do they cut off from one another? Do they argue,

threaten, or get into physical fights? Do they fight and make up, or do they fight and never speak again?

In-laws

1e. How often do you see or communicate with your parents-in-law? Do you have regular contact with your partners siblings or

grandparents? By what means do you communicate (visit, write, call, email, etc.)? Do you think that your partners family has a typical

style of relating to one another and can you define that?

2e. Did you attend the last major family event (e.g. vacation, holiday celebration, wedding, funeral, bar mitzvah, etc.)? If not, why? Ifyes, why did you go (e.g., for pleasure; to see in-laws; out of a sense of duty)? How was the event planned? How did family members

get along? How did you feel at the event?

3e. If there is a dispute in your partners family, how is it handled? Do people talk about it? Do they cut off from one another? Do they

argue, threaten, or get into physical fights? Do they fight and make up or fight and never speak again?

4e. Are there aspects of your relationships with your in-laws that you especially like? Dislike? How would you compare your in-law

relationships with your relationships with your family of origin? Do they treat you very differently than your own family treats you?

5e. Now that you have completed this worksheet, do you notice patterns in how your family relates to one another? Do you think your

family has a relationship style? Which relationships are you happy with? Are there some relationships you might like to change?

Social contacts work sheet

The following questions are designed to help you take a look at relationships with people you meet casually.

1. Do you have the opportunity to meet people on a casual basis, and how do you use or avoid these opportunities? Examples could

include going to parties, talking to your neighbors, attending church or synagogue, working out at the Y or a health club, attending

classes or attending meetings at your childs school or at an organization.

2. How do you respond when others approach you? Are you comfortable and approachable? Or are you especially shy, uncomfortable,unapproachable, stand-offish, or hostile?

3. What kinds of things do you talk about with casual acquaintances? What is small talk in your opinion? Is this something you are able

to do?

4. Do you ever get in fights with people that you know casually for example, at bars or parties, or at meetings? How do the fights start

and how do they end? How do you feel when this happens?

5. Do you see any pattern in the way you relate to non-specific social contacts? If you would like to handle these contacts differently,

there anything you can do to change the pattern?

Alcohol and substances worksheet

The following questions are designed to help you examine your relationships with alcohol and substances.

1. List below the most important substance(s) to which you have felt attached.

a.

b.

c.

d.e.

f.

2. How much time have you spent in relationship with these substances? How many months or years? What proportion of the day or

week?

3. Do these substances produce a feeling of comfort or security?

4. Does using these substances promote attachments with other persons?

5. Do these substances substitute for attachments with other persons?

6. Do these substances undermine or interfere with your attachments to other persons?


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7. Have you attempted to divorce yourself from substances, only to become re-attached?

Work/school worksheetThe following questions are designed to help you think about your relationships at work or at school and patterns within those

relationships. There are three sections: teachers and supervisors; classmates and co-workers, and customers, clients, or supervisees.

Teachers and supervisors

1. List below two teachers or supervisors who were particularly important to you, in either a positive or negative way.

a.

b.

2. Do you think that these teachers/supervisors appreciated you and recognized your abilities? What sort of performance

evaluations/grades did you get from each?

3. Did you put in extra time or effort, or take work home for them? Did you do that because they expected or demanded it? Did you do it

because you wanted to help them? Were you rewarded?

4. If something was bothering you that your supervisor or teacher did or failed to do, how did you handle it? Did you talk about it? With

him or her or with others? Did you avoid talking about it, quit the job or drop the course, or take time off or not do the job as well as

you could have? Did you confront him or her or get into a fight about it?

5. Did you ever get fired/suspended/expelled? How did this come about?

6. Did your teacher or supervisor counsel you, confide in you, or treat you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable? Did you confide

about personal issues? Do you think you expected things of your supervisor that would fit better in a friendship or in a familyrelationship? Did you ever get sexually involved with a supervisor or a teacher?

7. Now that you have answered these questions, do you see any particular patterns in your relationships with supervisors/teachers?

What do you especially value about them? Is there anything that you would like to change?

Classmates and co-workers

1. List below one or two important classmates, co-workers, or colleagues.

a.

b.

2. Did you feel that they did their fair share of work?

3. Was competition an issue?

4. If something was bothering you that your classmate or co-worker did or failed to do, how did you handle it? Did you talk about it

whim or her or with others? Did you avoid talking about it? Did you confront him or her? Did you ever get into a fight about ,it or did you

drop the course or quit the job? Or avoid them by not coming into school or work or finding ways to not be around them? Did you get

your feelings hurt easily?

5. Did you talk about things other than work or school with your classmates or co-workers? Could/did you talk about personal issues and

concerns with them? Were you able to trust them? Did this cause any problems?

6. Now that you have answered these questions, do you see any particular patterns in your relationships with classmates or co-workers?What do you especially value about them? Is there anything that you would like to change?

Customers, clients and supervisees1. List below some particularly significant customers, clients, or supervisees whom you deal (or dealt) with in your work.

2. Did you feel appreciated by them?

3. If something was bothering you that your customer, client, or supervisee did or failed to do, how did you handle it? Did you talk about

it? With him or her or with others? Did you avoid talking about it? Did you avoid him or her? Did you confront him or her or ever get into

a fight about it?

4. Did your customer, client, or supervisee counsel you? Confide in you? Did you talk about personal issues and concerns with them? Did

they treat you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable? Do you think you expected things of your customer, client, or supervisee that

would fit better in a friendship or in a family relationship? Did you ever get sexually involved with a customer, client, or supervisee?

5. Now that you have answered these questions, do you see any particular patterns in your relationships with customers, clients, or

supervisees? What do you especially value about them? Is there anything that you would like to change?

Coping work sheet

The following questions are designed to help you think about how you cope with the demands of daily life. If you live alone, your


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answers to these questions may be quite different than if you share the household with a partner, roommate(s), children, or others.However, you might also want to consider how things worked when you lived with someone in the past.

1. Who is responsible in your household for buying food, cooking, cleaning, fixing things if they break, buying clothes, or buying items

for the house or apartment? Do you divide responsibility according to a plan? Does it ever happen that there are no clean clothes or no

food to eat? How often? How messy or dirty does your place of living get?

2. If you have children, who prepares their food? Do your children have regular mealtimes? How do they get to school and come home?

Is someone there when they get home? Who takes care of them if you have to go out at night or on the weekend? Who buys their

clothes and toys, stays with them if they get sick, takes them to the doctor. or goes to school to talk to their teachers? Do you monitor

how much and what kind of TV they watch?

3. If you live with someone else, how do you divide up the tasks just described? If you or the other person doesn't do a fair share of the

work, what happens? Do you talk about it? How? Avoid it? Get angry? Get even?

4. How do you manage money? Do you have a budget, and how is it created? Who decides how money can be spent? Who pays the

bills? Do you or your partner spend impulsively? What happens then? Do you consult each other about making major purchases or just

go ahead and do it? If you have a partner, are both of you aware of the finances?

5. Do you ever get into debt or behind in making payments for something? How much money was involved? For how long? How haveyou handled this? Do you ever avoid making payments? Have you ever gotten into trouble for not making payments or for being in debt?

APPENDIX B

Roles and Relationships: Feedback Form

Helen Stein, Jon G. Allen, Jonathan Hill, and Peter Graham

The Menninger Clinic

Please complete this form before you are discharged. We greatly appreciate your taking the time to provide feedback, because it will

help us improve the group.

1. How many sessions of the Roles and Relationships Group did you attend?

2. How helpful was this group to your treatment? Please circle your answer.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Not at all Somewhat Very helpful

3. Group meetings covered the following domains, romantic relationships, friends, social contacts, work, pets, alcohol and drugs,

negotiations, coping with day-to-day needs, professional relationships, and family relationships.

Which domain seemed most relevant to your treatment? __________________.

Which seemed least relevant?_____________________

4. Did you use the worksheets? ____Yes ____No ______Sometimes

5. If you did use the worksheets, how helpful were the questions?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Not at all Somewhat Very helpful

6. How would you improve the group?

7. How would you improve the worksheets?

friendships worksheet

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