Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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Were you able to…

•  Map Your Weekly Schedule as a Family? – Fixed Time Events, Consistent Routines, *Special Events*

•  Make Time to Take Time? – Daily Five: 5 min of parent + child time, use a timer

– Weekly HAT Meeting: 30 min of child-free conversation

Review

Not-A-Test

•  Krista believes that the best way to parent is described in the book: •  The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori

•  Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay

•  The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha Sears

•  French Kids Eat Everything by Karen LeBillion

• On Behavior by BF Skinner

• None of the above

Review

Not-A-Test

•  Krista believes that the best way to parent is described in the book: •  •  •  •  •  • None of the above

Parenting is personal! The plan you make at your HAT is the best way for YOU to parent. Harnessing the science of learning can make parenting easier.

Review

Not-A-Test

•  Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum. Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

Review

Not-A-Test

•  Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum. Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

•  Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not objective descriptions of behavior

Review

Not-A-Test

•  An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as: •  what happens after a behavior occurs

•  what happens before a behavior occurs

•  what causes a behavior to occur

•  how a child feels before she engages in a behavior

Review

Not-A-Test

•  An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as: •  •  what happens before a behavior occurs

•  • 

Answer: An antecedent comes before a behavior but does not cause operant behavior contrary to popular opinion

Review

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. •  politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit

her brother

•  passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

•  talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

•  giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

•  giving your child a big hug after she falls down

Review

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. •  politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit her brother

•  passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

•  talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

•  giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

•  giving your child a big hug after she falls down

ALL ARE CONSEQUENCES. A consequence is simply what happens as a result of a behavior, it could be reinforcing or

punishing or have no effect.

Review

Not-A-Test

•  All behavior serves a __________________.

Please write in your single word answer. If you don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers will earn partial credit ☺

Review

Not-A-Test

•  All behavior serves a __________________.

Please write in your single word answer. If you don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers will earn partial credit ☺

FUNCTION!

Answer: And the key to changing a behavior is to understand its function.

Review

Not-A-Test

•  Reinforcement has occurred in which of the following examples: a)  Your child completes a chore & receives a sticker on

her daily chore chart

b)  Your child is being too loud at a restaurant so you say, “If you don’t quiet down, I will take away your ipad” and he quiets down

c)  Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please” so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as a result.

Review

Not-A-Test

•  Reinforcement has occurred in which of the following examples: (c) Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please”

so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as a result

This is the only example in which we know that the probability of behavior increased in the future as a

result of the consequence!

Review

Week 4. Quest for Good Demands

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Week Four

Community Micro Choices

Content What Goes Up… Can Come Down!

Collaboration Negotiables

Extension Bye Junk Demands,

Hello Good Demands

Week Four

Community Micro Choices

Content What Goes Up… Can Come Down!

Collaboration Negotiables

Extension Bye Junk Demands,

Hello Good Demands

Invest with “Yes” - Choices

“Providing choice opportunities resulted in clinically significant reductions in the number of occurrences

of problem behavior.” •  The Effect of Choice-Making as an Intervention for Problem Behavior: a Meta-Analysis

(Shogren et al., Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 2004).

Community

Ways to Offer Choices Community

Open Ended Questions

Structured Choices

Micro Choices

You or Me Choices

So Close

•  Okay, bananas are a healthy option but you need to have apples or pears next time.

•  OK

•  You need to sit down, so you can eat them, OK?

•  [still walking around]

•  Please sit down. It isn’t safe to eat while you are walking around.

•  [still walking around]

•  Do you want to sit down in two minutes or in three minutes?

•  Five minutes!

•  Wish you had made it open-ended? Make a note for next time but commit & stick this time!

•  A sneaky “okay?” turned it into a (question) demand

•  Gave demand from a distance without follow through

•  Choice offered AFTER the demand

Parent: Do you want to have apples or pears with dinner? Child: Bananas.

Community

Just Right

•  Okay, we’ll have apples. Do you want cinnamon on them or no cinnamon?

•  Bananas!

•  Okay, cinnamon apples it is!

•  I don’t like cinnamon!

•  Do you want to shake the cinnamon on or do you want me to?

•  I want to.

•  Okay! You’ve got it! Are you going to shake a lot or a little?

•  A lot

•  Sure, lots of cinnamon! First, sit down. Then, you can shake lots of cinnamon on your apples!

•  Made a decision for the child & moved on without dwelling

•  Didn’t take the bait!

•  Advertised the joy of shaking

•  Kept positive choices coming

•  Used a Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

Community

Parent: Do you want to have apples or pears with dinner? Child: Bananas.

Small Changes, Big Difference Community

You offer milk with breakfast. Child stomps feet and yells, “Almond milk.”

BEFORE: You say, “Please use your calm words. Do you want milk or almond milk?”

What’s the problem? Choices BEFORE, Consistency DURING, Changes LATER

AFTER: “I don’t understand. I will know you are ready to talk when your voice sounds like mine.” [screaming, yelling, throwing milk…]

If you must say something, every two minutes or so just repeat EXACTLY what you already said. [10 minutes later… “I would like almond milk.”]

Oh, I understand you now! You just said you would like almond milk at breakfast. Thank you for telling me with a voice I can understand. You can write a note to

remind yourself to ask nicely for almond milk tomorrow morning BEFORE breakfast.

Mini Intro to Behavior Chains Content

Errors get stuck

Vocal prompts get stuck

Both tantrums & using words are reinforced

Community Group Reflection

• Were you using a technique similar to this before the workshop?

– If yes, in what ways is this a little different?

– If no, did it feel natural to use it?

• What obstacles did you face?

• When did you find success using it?

Community

Week Four

Community Micro Choices

Content What Goes Up… Can Come Down!

Collaboration Negotiables

Extension Bye Junk Demands,

Hello Good Demands

Nuts & Bolts of Behavior

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

Content

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Behavior

Consequence

Content

What Goes Up…

•  In other words, if a behavior continues to occur it is because it continues to work (or has worked for a long time)

• When the probability of behavior increases as a result of a consequence we say that behavior has been reinforced

“In an American school if you ask for the salt in good French, you get an A. In France, you get the salt” (Skinner, 1968).

Content

Positive Reinforcement

A: Sees friend

B: Waves “Hello”

C: Friend says, “Hi!”

Content

We say the behavior (waving hello) was reinforced by the consequence (friend saying “hi”)

if the future probability of the behavior increases

Negative Reinforcement

A: Math test in class

B: Yells at teacher

C: Sent to principal’s

office

Content

We say the behavior (yelling at teacher) was reinforced by the consequence (sent to principal’s office)

if the future probability of the behavior increases

…Can Go Down

• When the probability of behavior decreases as a result of its consequence we say that behavior has been punished  

Content

Positive Punishment Content

•  Positive = Something is added

•  Punishment = Behavior Decreases in Future

Something is ADDED

Something is SUBTRACTED

Probability of Behavior

INCREASES

Positive Reinforcement

Negative Reinforcement

Probability of Behavior

DECREASES

Positive Punishment

Positive Punishment

A: Asks for video

B: Sends late video

C: Given role play

job

Content

We say the behavior (sends late video) was punished by the consequence (given role play job)

if the future probability of the behavior decreases

Negative Punishment Content

•  Negative = Something is subtracted

•  Punishment = Behavior Decreases in Future

Something is ADDED

Something is SUBTRACTED

Probability of Behavior

INCREASES

Positive Reinforcement

Negative Reinforcement

Probability of Behavior

DECREASES

Positive Punishment

Negative Punishment

Negative Punishment

A: Says, “Stay in room

or else”

B: Runs out of bedroom

C: Bedtime bear taken

away

Content

We say the behavior (running out of room) was punished by the consequence (bear taken away)

if the future probability of the behavior decreases

Severe Punishment “Works” but…

Severe punishment unquestionably has an immediate effect in reducing a tendency to act in a given way. This result is no doubt responsible

for its widespread use. We 'instinctively' attack anyone whose behavior displeases us - perhaps not in physical assault, but with criticism, disapproval, blame, or ridicule. Whether or not there is an

inherited tendency to do this, the immediate effect of the practice is reinforcing enough to explain its currency. In the long run, however, punishment does not actually eliminate behavior from a repertoire, and its temporary achievement is obtained at tremendous cost in

reducing the over-all efficiency and happiness of the group. (Skinner, Science & Human Behavior, p. 190)

Content

Not-A-Test

•  Behavior of both children and adults _________ be reinforced or punished. •  probably should

•  probably should not

•  will

•  will never

Content

Not-A-Test

•  Behavior of both children and adults WILL be reinforced or punished.

No matter our preferences or actions, the natural world and our social communities WILL dole out consequences serve to

reinforce and punish our behavior. It serves us best to understand how they work so that they can be employed to help strengthen “good” behavior, and transparently so that

“good” is democratically defined.

Content

Week Four

Community Micro Choices

Content What Goes Up… Can Come Down!

Collaboration Negotiables

Extension Bye Junk Demands,

Hello Good Demands

Your Negotiables…

No

NEGOTIABLE

Invest with YES! (Freedom within limits)

Collaboration

Negotiation www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFYsJYPye94

Collaboration

That is Negotiable! Collaboration

•  CHOICES BEFORE, CONSISTENCY DURING, CHANGES LATER (key!) – If it is a choice (where shall we go to dinner?)

or a possibility (you might be allowed to have a friend over) – offer it as one proactively • Make sure child doesn’t “earn” choices through

challenging behavior • Only choice that may be appropriate in context of

challenging behavior is a “you or me” choice

Your Turn: Negotiable Collaboration

•  Make a list of what you currently negotiate with your child about.

•  Review the list by asking the following questions: – Does this belong on our Yes or No lists instead? •  If you are okay with it remaining negotiable, then ask...

– How can we begin this negotiation proactively?

– What would make it okay today but not tomorrow?

»  If it is a conditional Yes or No, is there a way to write down the conditions so that they can be communicated consistently?

For Example… Dessert Night Collaboration

•  What are you negotiating about?

–  We often end up negotiating about dessert after dinner.

•  Does this belong on our Yes or No lists instead?

–  Sometimes we have dessert & sometimes we don’t. It is negotiable!

•  What would make it okay today but not tomorrow?

–  We want to be able to have dessert a few nights a week but we don’t want our child to expect it every night.

•  If it is a conditional Yes or No, is there a way to write down the conditions so that they can be communicated consistently?

–  What if we made a calendar at the start of each week & let our child put a “Dessert Night” post-it on three nights?

•  How can we begin this negotiation proactively?

–  What if we did the scheduling every Sunday night & then checked the calendar BEFORE dinner each night?

Week Four

Community Micro Choices

Content What Goes Up… Can Come Down!

Collaboration Negotiables

Extension Bye Junk Demands,

Hello Good Demands

Goodbye Junk Demands!

•  STOP: Wasting your hard earned money on junk demands

•  START: Playing the Micro Demands Game to increase tolerance for Good Demands!

Extension

What are Junk Demands?

• Question Demands • Are you ready for bedtime?

• Can you please get ready for school?

•  It ’s time for dinner, OK?

• Do you need to use the bathroom?

Photo via awordywoman.com

Extension

What are Junk Demands?

•  Unnecessary Demands • No running (when it is actually safe)

• Sit still

• Do X this way

Photo via amazon.com

Extension

What are Junk Demands?

•  Vague Demands • Be careful

• Show respect

• Be nice to your brother

• Gentle!

Photo via mysafetysign.com

Extension

What are Junk Demands?

•  Unenforceable Demands • Come here (from across the room)

• Please turn off the tv (from across the room)

• Be quiet

• Put on your boots while I get your sister ready for school

Photo via telegraph.co.uk

Extension

Junk Demands Summary

• Question Demands – Are you ready for bedtime?

•  Unnecessary Demands – No running (when it is actually safe)

•  Vague Demands – Be careful

•  Unenforceable Demands – Come here (from across the room)

Photos via awordywoman.com, amazon.com, mysafetysign.com, & telegraph.co.uk

Extension

A Quest for Good Demands

•  Assertive – Polite but firm tone says, “This is not a question. When I make a

demand, you can trust that I will always follow through calmly.”

– Explanations belong outside the context of the demand. Either before you give it or after its been obeyed.

•  Necessary – Spend your “investment” only on important demands

•  Instructive – Tell child exactly what to do instead, not what to stop doing

•  Enforceable – Ask for something you can follow through on

Extension

Desensitization: Micro Demands Game

• Old message. If I resist hard enough or ignore long enough, demands go away

•  New message. My parents only make assertive, necessary, instructive & enforceable demands

• Old message. Demands are things to be resisted or ignored

•  New message. All demands aren’t bad

Extension

At-Home Extension: Micro Demands

•  By Sunday night, please email me a 30-sec clip of you telling your child to do something TINY that is also funny or silly (think Simon Says)

•  Remember that it still has to be: – Assertive

– Instructive

– Enforceable

– (though probably not necessary in this case!)

Extension

Questions, Comments?

•  No Workshop Next Week

•  Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

•  Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com

Extension