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IMPROVINGINTERPERSONALRELATIONSHIPS


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CommunicationClimate Theemotionalfeelingsthatarepresentwhen

peopleinteractwithoneanother

Communicationclimatesaremetaphors forthe feelings wehavewheninteracting withothers

Possiblerelationalclimates:

-stormy

-cold

-sunny

-warm


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How is communication climate

determined?

Byhow communicatorsspeak and act towardoneanother

Byhow much communicators feel that theyarevaluedby theother person

Theway another person treatsus isoften an

indicator forhow they feel towardus We interpretothersbehaviors inorder to

determinehow important weare to them


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Confirmingresponses

Messages that tell you thatyou are

valuedby theother personExamplesof confirmingmessages:

youmatter tome

you arespecial Confirmingmessagesmaybedisplayed

verballyornonverbally


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Three typesof confirming

messages

Recognition- showingrecognitionof

another persons presence Acknowledgment- torecognizeand

validateanothers ideas and feelings

Endorsement- recognizing anothersideas and feelings andshowingagreement for them.


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Disconfirmingresponses

Messages thatdeny thevaluesof

another person May take the formofdisagreeing withor ignoring another personsmessage


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How DoCommunication

ClimatesDevelop? Climatesbegin assoon as two peoplebegin

to communicate

The typeofmessagessent will determine iftheclimatewill begoodorbad

Verbal andnonverbal messages contributeto

the feel of theclimate Theydevelop according to communicators

responses tooneanother


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Self-perpetuating

Spirals

Aspiral takes placewhen communicatorsreciprocateandbuildupon themessages thataresent tooneanother

Each personsmessagereinforces theothersmessage

Communicatorsbuildononeanothersmessages

Therearepositiveandnegativespirals


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Two typesof conflictspirals

Escalatory conflictspirals- oneattack

leads to another attack, and continuestobuild

De-escalatory conflictspirals- whencommunicatorsdecreaseamountofinvolvement with communicationbycontinued withdraw


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TheGibbCategories forD

efensiveandSupportiveBehaviors

listofsix pairsof contrastingmessagesthatmayeither lead to confirmingordisconfirmingmessages

Using confirmingmessages andavoidingdisconfirmingmessagesencourages positiverelationships


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Gibbssix pairsofDefensive

andSupportivebehaviors:Defensive Supportive

Evaluation vs.D

escriptionControl vs. Problem Orientation

Strategy vs. Spontaneity

Neutrality vs. Empathy

Superiority vs. Equality

Certainty vs. Provisionalism


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Evaluationvs.D

escription


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EvaluativeCommunication

statements that comeacross as

judgmental Often involvean accusatory tone

youstatements

Put theother personon thedefense


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Descriptivecommunication

focuseson the thoughts and feelingsof

thespeaker insteadof judging thelistener

Describehow theother personsbehaviorhaseffectedhimorher, ratherthan just judging it

Often involveIstatements


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Control vs.Problem

Orientation

Control- whensender tries to imposea

solutionon thereceiver with littleregardofhow that person feels

Problemorientation- involvesbothcommunicatorsseeking a solution thatisequallysatisfying


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Strategyvs.

Spontaneity

Strategy- involves theuseof

manipulation inorder togetsomeonetobehavea certain way

Spontaneity- theuseofhonesty togetothers tobehave a certain way


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Neutralityvs.Empathy

Neutrality- a neutral attitudeshows a

lack of concern for theother Empathy- showing anunderstanding for

what theother person isgoing through


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Superiorityvs.Equality

Superiority- when peopleact as is they

arebetter thanothers Equality- when peoplebehave as

though they areequal toeveryoneelse


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Certaintyvs.Provisionalism

Certainty- messages that tell thereceiver that thesendersmind isalreadymadeup

-notopen tosuggestion

Provisionalism- willing to acknowledge

other pointsofview even if they feeltheyhavealreadymadeup theirmind

- involves keeping anopenmind


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ASSERTIVEBEHAVIOR

Enables an individual to act inhisorherbest interests withoutdenyingorinfringingupon therightsofothers

Allows people tospeak theirmindswithouthurtingor threateningothers

Allows people toexpress angerordisappointment without actingaggressively


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Four characteristicsof

assertivecommunicators1.They areopen about their feelings

2.They arenot anxious, theydeal withstressfulsituations calmly

3.They arecontentious, theystandup andargue for theirrights, even if thismightentail

a certaindisagreementor conflict4.They arenot intimidated and arenoteasily

persuadedbyothers


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PRINCIPLESFORINCREASING

ASSERTIVENESS

Analyze theassertivebehaviorofothers

Analyzeyourownbehaviors Recordyourbehaviors

Rehearseassertivebehaviors

Acton it, respond assertively whengiven thechance


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Fivecharacteristicsof an

assertivemessage

1. Behavioral description

2. Your interpretationof theothersbehavior

3.Adescriptionofyour feelings

4.Adescriptionof theconsequences5.Astatementofyour intentions


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CON

FLIC

T

Expressedstrugglebetween at least

two interdependent parties whoperceive incompatiblegoals, scarcerewards, and interference from theother parties in achieving theirgoals.


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Expressedstruggle

Showingunhappinessor

disappointment about a situationverballyornonverbally

Both partiesmustbeaware that aconflictexists inorder tobe in conflict


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Perceived incompatiblegoals

Conflictsusually appear tobewin-lose.

Those in conflictoften assume thatonlyoneperson can win ( soheorshefights tobe thewinner)

Although conflictsmay appear tobewin-lose there isoften a win-winsolution available


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Perceivedscarcerewards

Conflictsusually comeaboutbecause

partnersbelieve there isntenoughofsomething togo around. (i.e.money,food, love, jobs, time, etc.)


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Interdependence

Inonewayor another those in conflict

aredependentuponeachother forsomething

Ifboth partiesdidnotneedoneanotherthey wouldnotbemotivated to pursue

theconflict


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Three typesof conflict WIN-LOSE- oneperson wins thebattleandoneperson looses (oneparty leavessatisfied,

whiletheother leavesdissatisfied) LOSE-LOSE- both parties lose(both parties

leavewith a feelingofdissatisfaction)

Compromise- a typeof lose-loseconflict,

both partiesgive in and leavedissatisfied WIN-WIN-both parties win (both parties

leavewith a feelingofsatisfaction)


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STEPSINCREATEINGA

WIN-WIN CONFLICT1.Identifyyour problem andunmetneeds

2.Set a specific time todeal with conflict (one

that putsboth parties in a positiveclimate)3.Describeproblem andneeds

4.Check back withother, inorder toensureunderstanding

5.Ask other whathisorherneeds are

6.Paraphrasetomakesureyouunderstood

7.Negotiatea solution

8.Follow up onsolution that wasdecidedupon


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NEG

OTIATEAS

OLUTION1.Identify anddefineconflict

2.Generatea numberof possiblesolutions together

3.Evaluate thealternativesolutionstogether

4.Decideon thebestsolutions together


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INC

ONC

LUS

ION WECANALLBEBETTERATDEALING

WITHC

ONF

LIC

TWIT

HA

LITTL

EKNOWLEDGEANDALOTOFPRACTICE

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