JOGThoughts

Distractions, Musingsand Encounters from an Un-Athletic Person

I hate jogging.

But somehow during the four years I have been living in Track Town USA a piece of itmanaged to rub off on me.

I still hate jogging though.

Sometimes when I’m out there, jogging, all I can think about is how much I hate it.

But then I let my mind wander and I

think of other things…

I used to hide my keys under my

doormat when I went for a jog. As I was away

I would daydream that of all the minutes in the day for someone to come and steal my car, they would choose the one time I was jogging to do it. And

of course my key hiding strategy would make it all the more easy for them.

But I live down a dead end, so I figured if someone did steal my car they would have to drive past me at some point. And that’s

when I would steal back my own car by

jumping in front of it.

Since this is the best plan I can think of, I hope I never have to use it.

I like dogs.

But some of them are just soo stupid.

I got run down by a dog while I was jogging through a park. It just plowed right into my legs, and I went down. Then as I sat there in shock for a second, it started licking the sweat off my face.

I’m such a germaphobe that having my face licked worried me more

than twisting my ankle.

No leashTrail of

slobber

Another time I wasjogging through the park

I saw a llama.

True story. These people weretaking it for a walk. It was on a leash and everything.

I had no idea anyone around me owned a llama. Are you supposed to take them on walks?

Whenever I get honked at as I’m jogging I always think it’s some high school boy letting me know he’s thinking inappropriately about me.

But it’s always just the neighbor I babysit for saying ‘Hello’.

I’m always slightly disappointed by this.

Honk

Honk

Wahoooga

One time, this car slowed down beside me and the guy inside rolled down his window, and started shouting at me. My first instinct was to ignore him and run away as fast as possible. But it turned out he was just asking me for directions.

I don’t like being lost either but I couldn’t

help him because I only knew the name of

the street that I live on.

Augusta

??

??

?

There’s this really sketchy red van that parks near the end of a trail I jog on. Some days the side door is left wide open even though there’s no one around. I have to jog by it, and when I do I always feel like I am about to be kidnapped by someone hiding in the bushes getting ready to push me in

their van.

Whenever I come across shoes hanging from a telephone line I always think there’s a gang of children waiting for me to run by so they can take my shoes and add them to the collection.

I hope I never have to walk home in my socks, or get confronted by a group of 8-year-olds.

You can always tell which house a dog lives atbecause the yard doesn’t smell so pleasant. This is especially true when your in the middle of breathing heavily.

But then I jog by the house that always

smells like smoked sausage and jerky.

And I like it.

Whenever I get close to someone as I pass by them I always hold my breath so that they don’t hear me breathing real hard and think I’m exhausted.

I don’t want strangers to think I’m

out of shape.

That, and I get a thrill out of sneaking up behind them and then breezing past them

all gazelle-like.

I still manage to feel really accomplished, but a tad guilty, when

I pass an old man who is also out on a jog.

He usually looks like he’s in more pain than I am, but I beat him nonetheless.

I’m afraid that when I go out for a jog I will forget to turn around

at some point and will be too worn out to

make it back home once I remember.

That, or, I’ll get lost and be too tired to

make it back.

BUS27

Sweatand a few tears

Jogging outdoors comes with hidden dangers.

I recall an unusual grinding noise closing in on my heels when I turned around to find a speeding hubcap.Lucky for me it veered into oncoming traffic instead of bouncing up on the

curb where I was.

I wasn’t as lucky with a falling acorn though.

Against my nature, I once interfered with a mother teaching her children about not crossing the street when the red hand flashes.

I felt in the zone and had no intention of slowing down my heart rate. The light wasn’t red yet so I figued I could beat the traffic.

For the mother’s sake I could have served as

a bad example, but that would have meant hospital bills for me.

Who thought you could be challenged to a duel while out jogging?

Hearing a voice ask if I wanted to race I turned and saw an old man riding a bicycle.

If I wasn’t at the the end of my route I may have taken him up on it.

And if I wasn’t so out of shape.

I often find things that amuse and worry me, but I still

go out jogging anyway.

Track Town USA might have bainwashed me into exercising now and then, but it will never make me like

jogging.