REF: - APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

The Managing Director

Foods and Beverages Ltd.,

 

Dear Sir,

REF: - APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

 

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and

wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager. Each time I apply

for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have

caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial

proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can

remember you said on the funeral that he will be very difficult to replace,

meaning there is no one at the moment. Well, it's your lucky day,

Sir! You already have found the best man for the job so look no more.

It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least

now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me.

For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death.

He too always spoke of early retirement and I

guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits

all should be the substance of a fine businessman.

Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair.Just imagine,

the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds.

The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation

allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to

simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I

also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers' license as I am

sure the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don't even

try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on

that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a

determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities

that speak for themselves. I am sure that after reading this, there

won't be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the

challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst

attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and

can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager

was my referee so we can safely skip that part. I only hope there will

be no corruption as we are all still mourning! Thanks for advertising at

the funeral because I could not have known.

 

Yours Ever,

BANKYEASE KURASENII.(JOE)

Are Computers Male or Female?

A foreign language teacher was explaining to her class that, unlike their English counterparts, French nouns are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Confused, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The French teacher wasn't sure which gender it was, so she divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Game Of Intelligenceby Kwame Ansong on Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 8:09am ·

A black beauty found herself sitting next to a lawyer on a bus from Kumasi to Accra. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the lady wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the lady could not answer one of his questions she owed him GHc5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her GHc50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the lady reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the lady handed him GHc5.

The lady then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the lady GHc50.00

The lady put the GHc50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the lady handed him GHc5.

British Ingenuityby Kwame Ansong on Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 7:32am ·

During WW II a British fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad, so the German doctor amputated his left arm. He requested that they drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.

The next week they amputated his other arm and he asked the same thing. The Germans complied.

The next week they amputated one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England. The German doctor replied, "Sorry, we do dis no more!"

The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, "we think you trying to escape!"

I embarrassed you.by Kwame Ansong on Monday, July 19, 2010 at 10:59pm ·

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind

if I chatted with you for a while?"She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"