kane & k endall counties free · 2020. 12. 2. · kane county coins buying &selling plenty of...

If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette

December 2, 2020 Readers are Leaders. . . Volume 15, Issue 6

““ TThhee HHaappppiieesstt LL ii tt tt llee PPaappeerr IInn TToowwnn””

Email: [email protected] or mail to PO Box 703, DeKalb, IL 60115Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

KANE & KENDALL COUNTIESOORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE

antiques • Furniture • ToolsBuy & Sell • almost anything of Value

Schomer’S Trading PoST

630-859-1177 • 169 S. Lake St (rt 31) • aurora

Vintage, unique, or just different. You never know what treasure you may find...

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Federally Licensed Firearm Dealer •$25 FFL Transfers

COINS • CURRENCY GOLD • SILVER

STERLING FLATWAREFIREARMS • JEWELRY

630-365-9700630-365-9700Kane County Coins

BUYING & SELLING

Plenty ofUnique Gift

IdeasStop in Today ~

111 N Main Street (Rt 47)• Elburn www.kanecountycoins.com

Free Appraisals

Cash for the Holidays

· Kitchenette with full-size refrigerator, Microwave and coffee machine in each room!

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Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286

Now that I'm "Older" Here's what I've discovered

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

3. My wild oats have turned into All Bran. 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . 5. If all is not lost, where is it? 6. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is

when you're in the bathroom. 8. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about thehereafter.. I go somewhere to get something and thenwonder what I'm hereafter.

FREETAKE ONE

TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2

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Letter from GrandmaLast year, I replaced several windows in my house.

They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows.

This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year,and I had failed to pay for them. Boy, oh boy, did wego round and round. I told him no one pulls a fast oneon this old lady. Even though I am a senior citizen anda previous blonde, that doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid! I proceeded to tell him just whathis salesman told me last year,

"In one year, they will pay for themselves!"

Tell me Something PositiveA Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The

wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking ahard look at herself.

"You know, love" she says, "I look in the mirror andI see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my chestis barely above my waist, and my bum is hanging out amile.

I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby" Sheturns to her husband and says... "Tell me somethingpositive to make me feel better about myself.

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a softvoice..."well...there's nothing wrong with your eye-sight."

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3

35 Unique ShopsUnder One RoofOPEN: WED - SAT 10-5

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HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472Marvelously Mature

You KNOW your getting 'Marvelously Maturewhen....................

You and your teeth don't sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and

discover you aren't wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle,

pop and you're not eating cereal. Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your

driver's license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

When happy hour is a nap. When you're on vacation and your energy

runs out before your money does.. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it. When all you want for your birthday is to

not be reminded of your age. When you step off a curb and look down one more time

to make sure the street is still there. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

Mothers Know BestA mother mouse and her baby were walking along,

when all of a sudden a cat tries to attack them. The mother mouse using her natural instinct, starts

barking like a dog! "WOOF WOOF" and the cat runsaway.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Nowyou see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4

THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

Call Today!815-751-1286

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Funny DefinitionsJustice - a decision in your favor.Paradox - two physicians.

Flattery - an insult in gift wrapping.Capitalism - the survival of the fattest.Consciousness - the time between naps

Impeccable - having immunity to woodpeckers

Break Up There was a pretty nurse named Carol who broke

her engagement to a doctor. She was explainingeverything to a friend.

"Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that thebum asked you to give back the ring AND all hispresents ?"

"Not only that," said Carol, "he sent me a bill for37 visits."

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 5


BATTERIES FoR:Cars • Trucks • Boats • MotorcyclesCommercial • Industrial • UPS

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Not My BootsThe nursery school teacher had spent half an hour

dressing her charges for outdoor playtime, pulling onboots, zipping and unbuttoning coats, matching mittensand gloves. As she finished struggling with Jennifer'sboots, she let out a sigh of relief. Then Jennifer tuggedon her arm. "These boots aren't mine, teacher."

With a groan the teacher knelt down and pulled offthe boots. "Do you know whose boots these are, Jen-nifer?"

"Sure. They're my sister's. Mom makes me wearthem anyway."

Pulled OverReturning from a trip to visit my grandmother in

California, I was stopped by a state trooper in Kansasfor exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him asmall bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.

Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What haveI done?" I asked.

"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard youwere passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."

The Senility Prayer "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never

liked. The good fortune to run into the ones I do, andthe eyesight to tell the difference."

Motherhood is an extreme sport.That’s why we have to wear workout clothes

everyday.

Brian’s Pro Shop & Hobby1211 S. 4th Street ▪ DeKalb, IL ▪ (815)758-4801

HoursMon - Fri

5:30pm to 8:30pm Sat 11am - 4pm

Open Sunday Dec 13 & 20

This Christmas...Shop where Santa shopsfor Model Car Kits, Diecast Cars,

Rockets, HO Scale Slot Cars and more.

www.BriansProShopAndHobby.com

OPEN CHRISTMAS EVE

11AM - 4PM


The Orange Peel Gazette is distributed throughout Kane & Kendall Counties including various...

All Answers Can Be Found Throughout The Ads

Appearing In This Issue of The ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

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Bankruptcy LawChapter 7 • Chapter 13 • Chapter 11

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTECall Today! (815)751-1286

Waitress Date A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress

for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When hewas able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurtedout his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all thistime? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wantedmore coffee."

You Were Warned Noticing one of her students was making faces at

the other children in the playground, Ms. Smithstopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said,"Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I madeugly faces, that it would freeze and stay that way."

Johnny looks up and replies, "Well, Ms Smith,you can't say you weren't warned."

What do you get when you cross a pit bull witha collie?

A dog that runs for help...after it bites your leg off.

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 8

Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?

The Motorcycle Quiz


10% OFFNew Customers

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$455,000 Question...The motorcycle was invented by Sylvester Howard Roper in this country?A) America B) EnglandC) Germany D) France $456,000 Question...The first motorcycle was powered by?A) oil B) coalC) gas D) electricity $457,000 Question...The first motorcycle was invented in?A) 1850 B) 1862C) 1867 D) 1870 $458,000 Question...German, Gottlieb Daimler invented the first gas-enginedmotorcycle in?A) 1885 B) 1890C) 1895 D) 1900$459,000 Question...In 1903, these two friends launched their own motor company?A) Ben & Jerry B) Harley & DavidsonC) Smith & Wesson D) Colgate & Crest $460,000 Question...Which of these was not a motorcyle company?A) Indian B) ThorC) Merkel D) Dynamo $461,000 Question...Gottlieb Daimler used a new engine invented by engineer,Nicolaus Otto. Otto invented the first "Four-Stroke Internal-Combustion Engine." What year did this takeplace?A) 1870 B) 1874C) 1876 D) 1879

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $455 - A $456 - B; $457 - C; $458 - A; $459 - B; $460 - D; $461 - C.

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Personal Calls One caller to our answering service gave me his

name, number and message and then said, "You knowmy name. What's yours?"

"4136," I replied, since we were allowed only togive our operator numbers.

Sounding disappointed, he said, "May I call you byyour first digit, or would that be too personal?"

Need a Raise! The basketball coach stormed into the university

president's office and demanded a raise right then andthere. "Please," protested the college president, "youalready make more than the entire History depart-ment."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have toput up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went outinto the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging downthe hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'mthere," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there,sir," he reported.

"See what I mean?" the coach said, scratching hishead. "He could have phoned!"


FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286

ANTIQUE - CLASSIC - SPECIAL INTEREST AUTOS

Old Coach Works Restoration

Whether it’s a reliable driver or a Concours Grand Champion

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With a minimumpurchase of $10

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OPEN FOR DINE-IN STARTINGJUNE 26

Family Restaurant LYMEDISEASE?GERMBUSTERS®

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Weights Dropped?

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Call Mark

WINDOWROPER Ropes Torn?Pul

ley’s

Stu

ck?

May’s Piano Tuning & RepairJim MayCertified Tuner & Technician

[email protected] • 217-369-7946

630-851-0375

Matt Gavin16119 Chicago Road Sandwich, IL 60548

Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296

Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing

Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting

Never Sick Grandma Jones had never experienced a sick day in

her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case ofthe "mulligrubs" sent her to the hospital for observa-tion.

By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandmatucked into bed, she had managed to complain abouteverything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpygown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mat-tress.

Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic itemwith a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" shedemanded.

"If you need anything in the middle of the night,Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that but-ton."

"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked. "No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on

duty," the intern replied. "A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look,

I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs alight on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on her-self."

Quarantine Life pro tip # 238 - -

If you wear your jeans 5 days in a row,

they become all baggy and it looks like you’re losing weight.


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality used

vehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a

carfax report and many arepriced in the

$3,000 - $10,000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is located

in downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission is

to give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and

remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friends

in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543630-554-9339

www.hettsautosales.com

CASH PAIDWWII, WWI

Military uniforms,photos, swords, medals,

patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, estate items,

older firearms, collector630-215-3664

_______________ Garage Doors by CurtSales and Service

We Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers(630)276-3453______________

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVE

GARAGE DOORS

EGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)

Licensed • 45 yrs ExpJust Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd

Aurora (630)907-0775

$150 Mixed Face Cord$175 Oak Face Cord

Free Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed

FIREWOOD

OPG - CLASSIFIED ADS & BUSINESS DIRECTORY$16.50 FOR 4 LINES (2 ISSUE MINIMUM) • CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 • PAGE 10

HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Maint

handyman-nails-it.com(630) 360-3039_______________

Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair

224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing

_____________

GLASS REPAIR

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

_______________

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

Stay Safe-Work Home.Get Paid While You LearnExplosive-Travel Agents

Ft/Pt 888 648 3030_________________

HELP WANTED

FOR SALE

HANDYMAN

FINANCEInvestment Property Loans:commercial, rental, rehab,

small business, Free consultLaura 630-674-LOANB2 Business Finance

[email protected]

Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues

45’s, 8-tracksSt. Charles 206-432-1682_______________

Blown in Attic Insulationand removal + other services

Insured; 25 years Exp.Floyd (331)228-0191________________

INSULATION

Residential/Business/RentalsThe Right Guy

Carpet Cleaning, IncCertified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs, and

Upholstery. 23+ Years Exp!For reviews/pics Google usG.page/TheRightGuyCarpetOffering Online Booking or630-264-4369 to schedule

_______________

CARPET & RUGCLEANING

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)

Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & F

Beautiful Lawn & Tree Care630-585-0221

_______________

LAWN CARE

FUN RUN humerous comic,cartoon book about jogging,running, racing and more.

Buy FUN RUN by DONALD FROELICH on AMAZON and most

book stores_______________

LOCAL AUTHOR

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, BlocksTuck Pointing847-833-3384

MASONRY

‘99 Toyota Camry 4dr, 4cyl,New Tires, exhaust, align,Great cond, 217-369-1956

630-554-5418 Phillip_______________

Mfg. Co. seeks full and parttime punch press operators.Flexible start time for part

time. Starting Wage $14/hrCall 630-466-1150for an interview._______________

MOVING

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium MovesClean Outs/Buy & Sell

Reasonable Rates - Elburn630-918-5554 Big KenCall anytime after 5

Superior Metal Productsseeks non-CDL driver. Mustbe 25 year or older w/cleandriving record. Hourly payw/benefits. Email resume [email protected]

or call for an interview.1993 Bucktail Lane,

Sugar Grove, IL 60554 630-466-1150.

________________

PAIN RELIEFHealth benefits

NuLeafnaturals.comCoupon code: relief2dsbcMake a great holiday gift!

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Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$75 First 2 hours. or $250 All day_______________

PAINTING

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - Exterior

Affordable & CleanOver 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907_______________


OPG - CLASSIFIED ADS & BUSINESS DIRECTORY$16.50 FOR 4 LINES (2 ISSUE MINIMUM) • CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 • PAGE 11

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable.Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories

and jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any

group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to be considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel

Gazette for products or services offered.

Next IssueNext Issue Ad Deadline

December 16 December 4

Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

WANTED

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286

www.orangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, Trumpets

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Gonna ask my mom if that offer to slapme into next year is still on the table.

I H[^ @ H_n Who Coul^ CountH_r Own Eggs.

Sh_ W[s @ m[th_m[]hi]k_n

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Call Today! 630-262-8484

630-262-848409/30/19

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Three Day Silence My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I

think it has something to do with what happened onSunday night when she thought she heard a noisedownstairs.

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- - - - -Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

kane & k endall counties free · 2020. 12. 2. · kane county coins buying &selling plenty of...

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