love and courtship on gender and development course

LOVE AND COURTSHIP <3

Relationship Development

Characteristics Desired in a Mate

women seeking men are providing information

about their physical attractiveness and seeking men with education and a good work ethic.

men seeking women are interested in

finding an attractive mate and providing information about their financial status and work ethic.

Relationship Development theories

Evolutionary theory, which states that women

and men behave in ways that will maximize the survival of their genes.Men value physical attractiveness and youth in their mates because these are indicators of fertility


Men value physical attractiveness

and youth in their mates because these are indicators of fertility. The fact that people are better able

to recall attractive than unattractive female faces has been considered evidence that physical attractiveness has evolved as a cue to fertility in women.


Women prefer mates who have a high

occupational status because financial resources will help ensure the survival of their offspring.

These ideas are based on the parental investment model, which states that women will invest more in their offspring than will men because they have less opportunity than men to reproduce.

Because women’s reproductive resources diminish with age, and men’s financial resources generally increase with age, evolutionary theory also would predict that younger women would be paired with older men.

social role theory

Eagly and Wood (1999) provides a better explanation

than evolutionary theory for sex differences in mate selection.

They suggest that a society’s emphasis on a distinct division of labor between the sexes will bedirectly linked to sex differences in mate selection.

social role theory

females will value a mate with high earning capacity and males will value a mate with domestic skills in societies where

men’s role is to work outside the home and women’s role is to work inside the home.

Social role theory would predict that sex differences in mate preferences ought to decrease as women’s and men’s roles become more similar.

social construction theory,

which argues that social norms dictate what is desirable in a mate.

Relationship Development In general, men and women have

similar reasons for entering romantic relationships.

Support and companionship are the primary motivating factors.

Women and men desire partners who are honest, warm, affectionate, kind, and share their interests.

Relationship Development More attractive faces were

associated with the activation of areas in the brain associated with reward for both men and women. However, one of these areas in particular—the orbitofrontal cortex—was particularly active in response to attractive faces for men.


The authors concluded that physical attractiveness has more reward value for men than women.

Relationship Development Among Same-sex


One of the primary objections people raise with respect to gay and lesbian relationship is thatit will have an adverse effect on “family values.”


•Acceptance of homosexual relationships also has gathered increasing support.• In 2001, 40% of Americans approved of homosexual relations; by 2010, the rate had increased to 52% •Likewise, support for same-sex marriage is gradually increasing—especially among younger people. •Although the majority of Americans oppose same-sex marriage, the opposition number has decreased from 68% in 1996 to 53% in 2010 Jones, 2010).


•People who are opposed to same-sex marriage tend to be •Republican, •evangelical, and • less educated (Fleischmann & Moyer, 2009).

Relationship Development gay men and lesbians look for

the same characteristics in a mate as do heterosexuals—affection, shared interests, similarity, and dependability (Peplau & Fingerhut, 2007).


Unlike heterosexual women, there is no evidence that lesbians value a mate’s resources.

status is less important to relationships among sexual minorities.

Like heterosexual men, homosexual men seem to value a mate’s physical attractiveness, whereas lesbians do not

Relationship Development One study showed that romantic

love and commitment were valued more by women than men among heterosexuals, but there were no sex differences when gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals were compared to each other (Meier et al., 2009)

Relationship Initiation

Relationship Initiation Traditionally, the male has

taken the initiative in romantic relationships.

Today, it is more acceptable for women to invite men on a date, and there are more forums set up for female initiation; there are dances in high school and parties in college where females are intended to initiate.

Relationship initiation

The initiation of a relationship may be more awkward for homosexuals than heterosexuals.

One way that a homosexual relationship may develop is out of friendship.

Lesbian relationships, in particular, are likely to develop out of friendship

Relationship Initiation

the early stages of romantic relationships may be one arena in which men are less confident and influential than women.

Several differences in the way heterosexual men and women behave also appear in the way gay men and lesbians behave. For example, gay men place a

greater emphasis on the physical aspects of intimacy (sex) and

lesbians place a greater emphasis on the emotional aspects of intimacy, suggesting that the sex differences observed among heterosexuals is related to being male versus female rather than status

both homosexual and heterosexual men are more proactive than their female counterparts.

Romantic relationships are expected to provide closeness or intimacy, love, and sexual exclusivity.

THE NATURE OF ROMANTIC

RELATIONSHIPS

Intimacy

One feature of intimacy that seems to be central to women’s and men’s definitions is self-disclosure.

Women Intimacy is by talking or self-

disclosure Men

intimacy more as a feeling of comfort in the other’s presence and physical proximity.

The role of self-disclosure in intimacy is evolving as our access to one another has exponentially increased due to online communications and technologies.

Even among teens, males are more likely than females to incorporate sex into their notions of an intimate relationship (Cavanagh, 2007).

If men are more likely than women to define intimacy through sexuality, we would expect the most sexual behavior to occur among two gay men and the least to occur among two lesbians.

it seems likely that a romantic relationship between two women will be closer or more intimate than a romantic relationship that involves at least one man.

lesbians and gay men reported greater intimacy than heterosexual married people. Despite the higher intimacy, lesbians and gay men also reported a greater sense of autonomy than heterosexual married couples

Love When it comes to

matters of the heart, who is more romantic: men or women?

men view love as more central to marriage than women do. In this sense, men could be considered the more romantic sex.

One reason men were more romantic than women had to do with the historical relationship between the sexes.

Women were marrying not just a man, but a way of life; thus women were taught to be practical in mate selection.

Men fall in love more quickly compared to women

Women are more likely to have a practical view of relationships, believing that it is possible to love more than one person and that economic security is more important than passion to a relationship.

According to Lee’s (1973) theory of loves(3 Primary Love Styles):

eros, or romantic love; storge, or friendship love ludus, or game-playing love.

There are also three blends of these love styles:

mania, or manic love, is a blend of eros and ludus;

pragma, or practical love, is a blend of storge and

ludus; agape, or

pure love, is a blend of eros and storge. The

Women typically score higher than men on pragma and storge, women are more practical than

men when it comes to love.

men score higher than women on ludus. men are less willing than

women to commit to a relationship

Ludus is associated with lower relationship satisfaction, and storge and pragma are unrelated to relationship satisfaction.

sexuality

Men seem to be more satisfied with their sexual relationships than women.

one arena where men seem to communicate more effectively than women.

Attitudes Toward Sex

Sexual attitudes and behaviors have become more permissive over the years.

women have more negative attitudes toward sex compared to men.

men have more permissive standards compared to women, meaning men find sex to be more acceptable in general

Although attitudes toward sex in general and sex before marriage have become more liberal over the past few decades, attitudes toward extramarital affairs have not changed and remain negative.

Motives for Sex

women have a relational orientation toward sex in which sex is integrated into the relationship as a way to convey intimacy.

men have a recreational orientation toward sex in which physical gratification is the goal and a relationship is not required,

Motives for Sex

Girls’ and boys’ reasons for having sex are similar: love for their partner, curiosity, and sexual desire.

Boys and girls also agreed that having sex increases a boy’s—but not a girl’s—popularity.

Heterosexual and homosexual women were more interested than men in having sex to express emotional closeness.

Maintaining Relationships

Maintenance Strategies One way that couples maintain

relationships is via a series of cognitive mechanisms that reflect both accuracy and bias.

In terms of bias, couples who view each other more positively than they really are (positivity bias)

and couples who perceive each other as more similar than they really are (similarity bias) are happier.

Although women show more biases than men, the biases are equally associated with marital satisfaction for both women and men

Gender Role Attitude

through accommodation. wives maintain relationships

by taking on more than their share wives maintain relationships by taking on more than their share.

wives sacrifice personal leisure time

Emotional Skills

refer to the management of one’s own and one’s partner’s emotions during interactions. Softening the delivery of a

negative message, being open and receptive to others’ communication, anger directed at the behavior rather than the person are examples of emotion skills.

sexual activity

be construed as a maintenance behavior.

Sexual activity is both a source of marriage vitality and a source of marriage conflict.

love and courtship on gender and development course

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