First Comes Love ..(Courtship)First Comes Love ..(Courtship)

The role of The role of love in courtship and love in courtship and marriage differs sharply from one marriage differs sharply from one society to anothersociety to another. .

http://qed.princeton.edu/images/e/e0/Kinship_Structures.jpg

India, arranged marriages are the normIndia, arranged marriages are the norm, , love follows marriage, rather than love follows marriage, rather than preceding it. preceding it.

United States, romantic loveUnited States, romantic love (feelings of (feelings of erotic attraction accompanied by an erotic attraction accompanied by an admiration of the other)admiration of the other) guides most in guides most in choice.choice.

Then Comes Marriage…..Then Comes Marriage…..

People’s People’s choice of mate in the United States follows highly choice of mate in the United States follows highly predictable social channels.predictable social channels.

Age Age Education Education Social classSocial classRace Race ReligionReligion

People tend to People tend to fall in love with and marry people who:fall in love with and marry people who:Live nearLive nearMeet in schoolMeet in schoolWork alongsideWork alongsideRegularly see in the community activitiesRegularly see in the community activities

Therefore, usually Therefore, usually marry people of similar racial-ethnic and social marry people of similar racial-ethnic and social backgrounds. backgrounds.

94%, of Americans marry someone of their same racial background.94%, of Americans marry someone of their same racial background. However, inter-racial marriage, the trend is changing….However, inter-racial marriage, the trend is changing….

Figure 16.2

The Racial Background of

Husbands and Wives in

Marriages Between Whites

and African Americans

Source: By the author. Based on Source: By the author. Based on Statistical Abstract Statistical Abstract 2002: Table 47.2002: Table 47.

Then Comes The Baby……Then Comes The Baby……Current research suggests that the Current research suggests that the arrival arrival

of a baby complicates marriages.of a baby complicates marriages. Martin Whyte, found that marital satisfaction Martin Whyte, found that marital satisfaction

usually decreases with the birth of a child.usually decreases with the birth of a child. Lillian Rubin, Compared 50 working-class Lillian Rubin, Compared 50 working-class

couples with 25 middle-class couples. couples with 25 middle-class couples. Results:Results:

social class significantly influences how couples social class significantly influences how couples adjust to childrenadjust to children..The avg. working-class couple, the first baby The avg. working-class couple, the first baby arrived just nine months after marriage, giving the arrived just nine months after marriage, giving the couple a short time to adjust to being husband couple a short time to adjust to being husband and wife.and wife.The avg. middle-class couple, the first baby The avg. middle-class couple, the first baby arrived three years later, allowing them more time arrived three years later, allowing them more time to adjust to each other. to adjust to each other.

....And the baby carriage! And the baby carriage! YIKES …who takes care of the baby?YIKES …who takes care of the baby?

3 out of 5 mothers in the U.S. work for wages3 out of 5 mothers in the U.S. work for wagesMarried and Single mothers are similar, 1 in 3 Married and Single mothers are similar, 1 in 3 preschoolers is cared for in the child’s home. preschoolers is cared for in the child’s home. About 1 in 6 preschool children or working About 1 in 6 preschool children or working mothers are in day care.mothers are in day care.Studies indicate that Studies indicate that only a minority of daycare only a minority of daycare centers in U.S. offer high-quality care centers in U.S. offer high-quality care as measured as measured by stimulating learning activities, safety, and by stimulating learning activities, safety, and emotional warmth.emotional warmth.NannieNannies have become a popular option for many s have become a popular option for many upper-middle-class parents. upper-middle-class parents. The The advantage is the one-on-one advantage is the one-on-one attention that the attention that the child receives as well as the fact the child is cared child receives as well as the fact the child is cared for in his or her own home.for in his or her own home.Disadvantage is that jealousy and tensions Disadvantage is that jealousy and tensions arise arise between the nanny and the parents. between the nanny and the parents.

The struggle of marriage and children, The struggle of marriage and children, what do you to drive your parents what do you to drive your parents crazy????crazy????

If you have siblings how do you?If you have siblings how do you?

Do you believe this has anything to do with Do you believe this has anything to do with your birth order?your birth order?

Family Placement Family Placement ActivityActivity

Students who are:Students who are: The oldest child go to the NE corner of room.The oldest child go to the NE corner of room. The youngest child go to the SE corner.The youngest child go to the SE corner. The middle child go to the SW corner.The middle child go to the SW corner. The only child go to the NW corner.The only child go to the NW corner.

Each group is to list the advantages and Each group is to list the advantages and disadvantages of their birth order on paper. disadvantages of their birth order on paper. Each group will present their findings.Each group will present their findings.

Birth OrderBirth Order

The order in which children are born into a The order in which children are born into a family influences the development of the family influences the development of the children.children.

Oldest children bear the burden of the parents’ Oldest children bear the burden of the parents’ heaviest expectations and also of the parents’ heaviest expectations and also of the parents’ inexperience in raising children.inexperience in raising children.

Second or third children are generally treated in Second or third children are generally treated in a more relaxed way by the parents.a more relaxed way by the parents.

Youngest children often have a more difficult Youngest children often have a more difficult time in making the transition to adulthood.time in making the transition to adulthood.

Oldest ChildOldest ChildUsually set up as an example to the other Usually set up as an example to the other children.children.Treated more like an adult by his/her parents.Treated more like an adult by his/her parents.A high achiever.A high achiever.Given and accepts more responsibility than Given and accepts more responsibility than the other children.the other children.Usually college-bound.Usually college-bound.Independent.Independent.Affectionate.Affectionate.

Middle ChildMiddle Child

May work extra-hard May work extra-hard to get recognition.to get recognition.

Is usually a Is usually a peacemaker.peacemaker.

Is somewhat average Is somewhat average in schoolwork, but is in schoolwork, but is an all-around good an all-around good student.student.

Is usually a calm, Is usually a calm, even-tempered adult.even-tempered adult.

Youngest ChildYoungest ChildGets a lot of attention, Gets a lot of attention, along with a lot of bossing.along with a lot of bossing.

May be spoiled.May be spoiled.

Usually matures quickly.Usually matures quickly.

May be undisciplined and May be undisciplined and irresponsible.irresponsible.

Is easy-going about Is easy-going about school.school.

Likes to associate with Likes to associate with someone who takes someone who takes charge of situations.charge of situations.

Only ChildOnly ChildTend to have a lot of the same Tend to have a lot of the same characteristics as first-born children. characteristics as first-born children. As a result of gaining undivided attention, As a result of gaining undivided attention, they are often considered to be self-they are often considered to be self-centered. centered. Because they never had to learn to share or Because they never had to learn to share or

overcome conflicts with brothers or sisters.overcome conflicts with brothers or sisters.

Only children tend to... Only children tend to... Be well-organized Be well-organized Not take criticism well Not take criticism well Be comfortable with being the center of Be comfortable with being the center of

attention attention Be responsible Be responsible

Sibling Sibling RivalryRivalry

Competition among children of the same Competition among children of the same family for their parents’ affections or for family for their parents’ affections or for dominance.dominance.

It can occur at any age, even into adult life.It can occur at any age, even into adult life.

Next to the parent-child relationship, the Next to the parent-child relationship, the sibling relationship is probably the strongest.sibling relationship is probably the strongest.