effectiveness of courtship

The Effectiveness of Courtship and Dating in Youths

The Right Way to Start:


Cathleen Ordono

English 10

Sir Jeremy De Chavez

University of the Philippines-Diliman

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Introduction

While many Filipinos believe that courtship is an effective way to know if a suitor is serious about the

woman, I think that it is nothing but an excuse for the woman to be spoilt, and an excuse for the man to lie

about how much he can offer just to achieve his goal. Courtship creates an illusion of how perfect a relationship

can be. It is a period where in both the woman and the man act very differently from how they normally do,

because they get the idea that they should be doing their best to make a good impression instead of showing

their true selves to the other person.

Dating is a social engagement of a man and a woman that involves no matrimonial commitment, and is

done for the enjoyment of each other’s company (Burges and Wallin). Dating enables adolescents to have

intimate and unsupervised contact with members of the opposite sex, which seemingly adds maturity to

selecting a mate.

Courtship, on the other hand, is a period during which the man treats the woman with utmost care and

be given with all kinds of presents (Molina, 1983). He serves and impresses the girls family in any way that he

can to show to them and to the girl of his sincere intentions and love for her.

But there are still a few similarities between the traditional and the modern-day courtship, and this is

that the woman is more valued than the man. I believe that, the exertion of effort into making the other person

commit to the relationship must come from both sides, so that both the man and the woman knows what it

will feel like if they would enter a relationship with the other, which is what dating provides. This study aims to

find out the effects of courtship and dating on a relationship, and to find out the more effective and easier way

of determining whether a relationship will work or not.

Review of Related Literature

Many believe that in order to show a man’s love for a woman, he must first prove it by showing her how

much effort he would exert. This does not necessarily mean that courtship makes a relationship work. To see if

a relationship will work, both the man and the woman should be involved in activities in which both parties will

participate and benefit from. (Monty, 2011)

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and human ecology at the University of Texas at Austin,

has collected data on 168 marriages since 1979. Huston found that men who feel uncertain about the

relationship when they are "part of a couple, but not committed to marriage," are destined for a rocky

courtship and marriage. But when women have the same feeling of uncertainty, there is a "sleeper" effect:

Problems usually rise after the honeymoon to wreak havoc on the blossoming relationship.

Also, in Huston's study, happily married couples dated for an average of 25 months. In unions that did

not last, there were interesting correlations between the length of the courtship and the length of the

marriage. Couples who divorced after two to seven years of marriage, whom Huston terms "early exiters,"

tended to hold off on exclusively dating one another, and married around the three-year mark. They also

brought a low maintenance approach to the relationship: in fact for many, the biggest attempt to rekindle an

unpredictable romance was the marriage itself.

Highly romantic courtships don't guarantee living happily ever after, but they are most likely able to

hold off the divorce longer. Many marriages in which the partners committed quickly and felt strongly in love

with one another survived to the seven-year mark.

Method

Material

For this research, my means of collecting data is through the interview method. The interview is

conducted online, wherein the respondents are asked to fill out a survey form, containing 9 questions, three of

which are questions regarding basic information about the person such as name, age and gender. So that the

respondents may have a uniform understanding of the questions being asked, I provided the definition of the

following terms:

Courtship - a period during which the man treats the woman with utmost care and be given with all kinds of

presents (Molina, 1983). He serves and impresses the girl’s family in any way that he can to show to

them and to the girl of his sincere intentions and love for her.

Dating - a social engagement of a man and a woman that is done for the enjoyment of each other’s

company (Burges and Wallin), with both parties learning about the other, and equally benefiting from

the time spent together, and from the effort exerted by one another.

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Interview form link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1xce8cpfuAg9tS30HZ1ccFTIWur6_hOcidK8-guJ9bWA/viewform

Aside from asking basic information such as name, gender and age, the interview contains the following questions:

1. How long have you been in the relationship?

2. Based on the given definitions, what occurred before the relationship started?

3. How long did the courtship period take place?

4. Did the courting period help you get to know more about the other person?

5. Did his or her behavior change after the courting period, when you are already in a relationship? How so?

6. Do you think dating would have made it easier for you to know if the relationship will work or not?

Respondents

I have chosen people who had been in previous relationships as my respondents. I chose as such

because a person will only be capable of evaluating the relationship after it has ended, since he or she has

already experienced everything that the relationship can provide to come up with a conclusion. I interviewed 8

boys and 8 girls, ranging from 16 to 18 years old.

Results

This part of the research paper deals with the presentation and analysis of data acquired from the

interviews in relation to the statement being put to the test. Again, this study aims to find out the effects of

courtship and dating on a relationship, and to find out the more effective and easier way of determining

whether a relationship will work or not.

Ordono, Cathleen H.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1xce8cpfuAg9tS30HZ1ccFTIWur6_hOcidK8-guJ9bWA/viewform


16 years old; 4

17 years old; 8

18 years old; 4

Chart 1

Age of the Respondents

Chart one displays the ages of the respondents. I have gathered a total of sixteen interviewees, 8 boys

and 8 girls. Four (25%) of them are sixteen years old, 8 (50%) are 17 years old, and another 4 (25%) are 18 years

old.

Courtship Dating

5

3

6

1

Based on the given definitions, what occurred before the relationship

started?Male Female

Chart 2

Period that Occurred Before the Relationship

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Chart two displays their responses to question number two in relation to their genders. 11 or 68.75% of

the respondents answered Courtship, while 31.25% said that Dating occurred before the relationship.

The answers of the respondents are displayed in the tables below. Table one displays the answers of

those whose relationship started with courtship, while table two displays the answers of those whose

relationship started with dating. Their names are removed to provide confidentiality.

Gender Age

How long have you been in the relationship?

Based on the given

definitions, what occurred before the relationship

started?

How long did the

courtship period take

place?

Did the courting

period help you get to know more about the

other person?

Did his or her behavior change after the courting period, when

you are already in a relationship? How so?

Do you think dating would have made it

easier for you to know if the

relationship will work or not?

Male 17 9 months Courtship 10 months Yes. No, nothing changed. Yes

Female 17 9 months Courtship 1 year Yes.Yes. There were times when we do not communicate anymore. Yes

Female 17 9 months Courtship 3-4 months Yes. More open/comfortable Yes

Male 16 9 months Courtship1 year and a half (?) No. No Yes

Male 17 1 year Courtship 2 months

Yes, but not everything is true.

Medyo masungit nung courting hehe tapos medyo nagbago nung relationship huehue Yes

Female 18 5 years Courtship 1 year


Yes, I'm being treated unfairly and he's been too much protective that I cannot even talk to my friends anymore. Yes

Female 181 year and 2 months Courtship 2 months Yes.

Nope he did not change his behavior during the relationship because he is still patient and funny and he's still the same guy I knew even before the relationship started. Yes

Female 18 10 months Courtshipalmost a year i guess Yes. No. Yes

Male 17 11 months Courtship 6-7 months Yes.

Yes. People change, naturally, and even if we weren't in a relationship together it would still be given that this person will display different behavioral patterns and actions at times. But this is mostly due to temporary stress inducers and other outside factors Yes

Male 16 3 years Courtship 1 1/2 years


No, her behavior changed when distance and other guys became a factor in our relationship. No

Female 16 4 months Courtship 1 month


Yes. After making me feel loved and wanted, he suddenly left with no valid reason at all. Yes

Table 1

Respondents who experienced courtship before starting the relationship

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Gender Age

How long have you been in the relationship?

Based on the given definitions, what occurred before the relationship started?

How long did the (casual) dating take place?

Did the dating period help you get to know more about the other person?

Did his/her behavior change after the dating period, when you are already in a relationship? How so?

Do you think courtship would have made it easier for you to know if the relationship will work or not?

Male 18 10 months Dating 2 months Yes.

Not much. She just started being more honest and was more herself around me. No

Female 171 year and 7 months Dating 6 months Yes.

No. He was the same. He became better :) No

Male 16 7 months Dating 3 months


Yes. Demands too much and ang arte sobra Yes

Male 17 3-4years Dating 1 year


Yes, we became more close to each other and more open. No

Female17 y/o 11 months Dating 5 months Yes.

Yes. Since he already knows what my likes and dislikes are, he had a chance to decide if he will continue to court me or not hahahahah =)) Yes

Table 2

Respondents who experienced dating before starting the relationship

Courtship Dating

8

33

2

How long have you been in the relationship?1 year or less more than one year

Chart 3

Span of the Relationship

Ordono, Cathleen H.


As seen in chart three, 8 (72.73%) of those who underwent courtship, said the relationship lasted for a

year or less, while the other 3 (27.27%) lasted for more than a year. Among those who underwent dating, 3

(60%) lasted for less than a year, while the other 2 (40%) lasted for more than a year.

Courtship Dating

4

3

5

22

0

How long did the courtship/dating period take place?

Less than 6 months 6 months to 1 year More than 1 year

Chart 4

Span of Courtship or Dating

Chart four contains the length of courtship and the length of dating experienced by the individuals. The

answers are split into three: less than six months, six months to one year, more than one year.

Out of the eleven who experienced courtship, 4 (36.36%) claimed that the courtship went on for less

than six months, 5 (45.45%) said it went on for six months to a year, and 2 (18.18%) said it went on for more

than a year.

Out of the five who experienced dating, 3 (60%) said it went on for less than six months, while the 2

(40%) said it went on for six months to a year.

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Courtship Dating

6

3

4

2

1

Did the courting/dating period help you get to know more about the other person?

Yes Yes, but not everything is true No

Chart 5

Effectiveness of Communication in Courtship and Dating

Chart five displays the respondents’ answers to the question, “Did the courting period help you get to

know more about the other person?” 6 (54.55%) of those who went through courtship answered “yes”, 4

(36.36%) answered “yes, but not everything is true”, and 1 (9.09%) answered “no”.

Meanwhile, those who answered “dating” in question two were asked with the question, “Did the

dating period help you get to know more about the other person?” 3 or 60% answered “yes”, while 2 or 40%

answered “yes, but not everything is true.”

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Courtship Dating

5

0

2

3

4

2

Did his or her behavior change after the courting/dating period, when you are

already in a relationship? How so?No He/She changed for the better He/She changed for the worse

Chart 6

Change in Behavior after the Courtship/Dating Period

After analyzing the answers of the respondents, I was able to categorize them into 3 general answers:

“no,” “he/she changed for the better,” “he/she changed for the worse.” According to chart 6, 5 (45.45%) of

those who experienced courtship said that his/her partner had not changed after the courtship period. 2

(18.18%) said his/her partner changed for the better, while 4 (36.36%) said his/her partner changed for the

worse.

On the other hand, 3 (60%) of those who underwent dating said his/her partner changed for the better,

while 2 (40%) claimed that his/her partner changed for the worse.

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Courtship

10

1

Do you think dating would have made it eas-

ier for you to know if the relationship will

work or not?Yes No

Chart 7

On the Idea of Dating (those who experienced Courtship)

As seen in chart seven, 10 out of 11 (90.90%) respondents who underwent courtship said that dating is

an easier way of determining whether the relationship will work or not, while 1 out of 11 (9.10%) said that

dating is not an easier way of determining whether the relationship will work or not.

Dating

2

3

Do you think courtship would have made it

easier for you to know if the relationship will

work or not?Yes No

Chart 8

On the Idea of Courtship (those who experienced Dating)

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Meanwhile, 2 out of 5 (40%) respondents who underwent dating said that courtship is an easier

way of determining whether the relationship will work or not, while 3 out of 5 (60%) said that courtship is not

an easier way of determining whether the relationship will work or not.

Discussion

After gathering, presenting and analyzing the data, I came up with interpretations that may prove or

disprove my hypothesis.

If we analyze the correlation between the length of the relationship and the length of the courtship or

dating, we will come up with interesting results. Only 27.27% of those who underwent courtship had

relationships that lasted for more than a year, even though 63.64% of them had courted or been courted for six

months or more. Meaning, most of the relationships that started from courting did not even reach the one year

mark that most considered to be the time in which a relationship becomes long-term. Meanwhile, among those

who experienced dating, 40% had relationships that lasted for more than a year, even though only 40% went

dating for six to a year, and none went dating for more than that. This shows that those who went dating had

longer relationships than those who underwent courting, and if we consider the length of the relationship as

the success of it, then we may claim that relationships that started with dating are more successful than those

that started with courting.

Courtship and dating had almost similar results when it came to communication. Both had almost 60%

of respondents that said he/she learned about his or her partner during courting/dating period, and both also

had almost 40% respondents that said not all of what he or she learned was true about his or her partner. The

only difference is that 9% of those who underwent courting said he/she was not able to learn about his or her

partner during the courtship period. But, when it came to behavior, it is quite interesting that after the

courtship period, 18.18% said their partners changed for the better, but 36.36% said their partners changed for

the worse. Meanwhile, 60% of those who dated said their partner changed for the better, while 40% changed

for the worse. We can see here that, even though both courtship and dating have almost the results when it

came to partners that changed for the worse, we can see that the percentage of the respondents that dated

Ordono, Cathleen H.


outnumbered the respondents that courted or have been courted when it came to partners that improved

throughout the relationship.

When I asked the respondents who underwent courting if they think dating is an easier way of

determining the success of the relationship, an astonishing 91% said that dating may be an easier method. And

when I asked those who went dating if courting is an easier way of determining the success of the relationship,

only 40% said that courtship may be a better way of starting a relationship. And since these people have

already evaluated the relationship, we can trust that they have already thought about how they would have

improved the relationship. If we compare the answers of the majority of both people who courted and dated,

we will come up with the idea that more people think that dating before starting a relationship is better than

courting before starting a relationship.

Since the discussion made points out to the idea that dating is better than courtship in given ways, then I may

conclude this by saying that my aim, which is to find out the effects of courtship and dating on a relationship,

and to find out the more effective and easier way of determining whether a relationship will work or not, has

been achieved.

Ordono, Cathleen H.


References

Borja-Slark, Aileen. "Filipino Courtship: Traditional vs. Modern". Retrieved 21 January 2014.

Courtship in the Philippines Today, SarahGats's Blog, sarahgats.wordpress.com, March 29, 2009. Retrieved 21

January 2014

A Criticism of Courtship. Earth to Monty, www.earthtomonty.com. Published on 2 January 2011. Retrieved 21

January 2014

Analyzing the Failure of Courtship, Inside Out, www.inside-outmagazine.com. March 1, 2013. Retrieved 21

January 2014

Rodney M. Cate, Ted L. Huston, and John R. Nesselroade (1986). Premarital Relationships: Toward the

Identification of Alternative Pathways to Marriage. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology: Vol. 4,

No. 1, pp. 3-22.

Sylvia Niehuis, Linda Skogrand, Ted L. Huston (2006). When Marriages Die: premarital and Early Marriage

Precursors to Divorce. North Carolina State University.

Steinburg, Laurence.Adolescence; Alfred A Knopf Inc., New York, 1995. p.337

Duvall, Evelyn Millis, PhD. The Art of Dating; Association press, New York, 1967. p.10

Merrill, Francis. Courtship and Marriage; Holt, Rinehart and Winston Inc., New York, 1959. p.79-86,

p.108-121

Ordono, Cathleen H.

http://www.inside-outmagazine.com/


Annotated Bibliography

Borja-Slark, Aileen. “Filipino Courtship: Traditional vs. Modern”. Retrieved 21 January 2014.

This article discusses the importance of courtship and how it is traditionally done in the past

generations by Filipinos. It explains how the traditional way of courting differs from the modern

courtship, but in the same way, it also explains that the general idea was to please the girl and the

family to let them see that he is worthy of her love.

This article is relevant to my research because it covers the basic information about courtship. It

also shows the evolution of courtship from the past to the present, which may help in explaining the

origins of modern-day courtship.

Courtship in the Philippines Today, SarahGat’s Blog, sarahgats.wordpress.com, March 29, 2009. Retrieved 21

January 2014

This article tells about the definition of Courtship for Filipinos. This discusses not only the

different traditional ways of courting, but also the modern courting practices in the Philippines. It also

gives the advantages and disadvantages of both types of courting.

This article is helpful in a way that it also helps me conceptualize the idea of modern-day

courting and how it is done. It also supplies information on the advantages and disadvantages of

modern-day courting, which may help me in identifying the faults of the said type of courtship.

A Criticism of Courtship. Earth to Monty, www.earthtomonty.com. Published on 2 January 2011. Retrieved 21

January 2014

This articles discusses the disadvantages of courtship when it comes to starting relationships.

This explains that courtship does not help in getting to know about the other person, it instead hides

the reality of who the person is. It also discusses that courtship is formal in a way that it focuses on

something more committed like marriage, while casual dating focuses on getting to know the other

person and finding out if they are capable of creating a deeper relationship.

This article is relevant in a way that it supplies points that contradicts our belief in the purpose

of courtship, yet still generates agreeable ideas. It provides ideas open for debate yet can still be

proven through further studies.

Ordono, Cathleen H.


Analyzing the Failure of Courtship, Inside Out, www.inside-outmagazine.com March 1, 2013. Retrieved 21

January 2014

This article discusses the different fallacies brought about by courtship. It provides reasons for

contradicting these “myths” and also the facts that oppose these beliefs. It explains that courtships

have provided misleading ideas that forces us to believe that it is the best way to start relationships.

This article is relevant because it provides facts that help build the main idea of my research. It

presents points that support my stand on the topic.

Sylvia Niehuis, Linda Skogrand, Ted L. Huston (2006). When Marriages Die: premarital and Early Marriage

Precursors to Divorce. North Carolina State University.

This study suggests that the length of the courtship and the health of the marriage of a couple is

related in a way that the longer the courtship, the more unsure the couple is about the relationship,

thus bring problems to the marriage. It also points out that the couples that got married earlier in the

relationship has a healthier marriage than the former.

This is relevant in a way that marriage can also mean to describe premarital relationships. It

shows that a long courting period does not necessarily mean a successful relationship, which proves a

point in my research.

Ordono, Cathleen H.

http://www.inside-outmagazine.com/


Appendix A

Interview Questionnaire

Effectiveness of Courtship and Dating in Youths

Good day!

I am Cathleen Ordono, a freshman student currently conducting an online survey for my English 10 research paper about "The Effectiveness of Courtship and Dating in Youths." For this research, I have selected a few people who had been previously involved in relationships as my respondents. Rest assured that all your answers will be kept confidential, and will be used strictly for research purposes only.I highly encourage you to answer the questions substantially and honestly, in accordance to your personal experience. Please base your answers on the longest relationship you have been in (excluding current relationship).You are free to elaborate your answers.Thank you for your cooperation!

Definition of terms: Courtship - a period during which the man treats the woman with utmost care and be given with all kinds of presents (Molina, 1983). He serves and impresses the girls family in any way that he can to show to them and to the girl of his sincere intentions and love for her.Dating - a social engagement of a man and a woman that is done for the enjoyment of each other’s company (Burges and Wallin), with both parties learning about the other, and equally benefiting from the time spent together, and from the effort exerted by one another.

* RequiredPlease enter your full name.

Gender *

Male

Female

Age *

How long have you been in the relationship? *

Based on the given definitions, what occurred before the relationship started? *

Courtship

Dating

Ordono, Cathleen H.



* Required

CourtshipHow long did the courtship period take place? *

Did the courting period help you get to know more about the other person? *

Yes.


No.Did his or her behavior change after the courting period, when you are already in a relationship? How so? *

Do you think dating would have made it easier for you to know if the relationship will work or not? *

Yes

No


Ordono, Cathleen H.


* Required

DatingHow long did the (casual) dating take place? *

Did the dating period help you get to know more about the other person? *

Yes.


No.Did his/her behavior change after the dating period, when you are already in a relationship? How so? *

Do you think courtship would have made it easier for you to know if the relationship will work or not? *

Yes

No

Ordono, Cathleen H.

effectiveness of courtship

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