parade 09-16

FALL TV PREVIEW

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2012SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2012

CONNIE BRITTON AND HAYDEN PANETTIERE PLAY

DUELING COUNTRY DIVAS ON ABC’S MOST BUZZED-ABOUT DRAMA

GREETINGS FROM

THE SCOOP on 14 hot new showsstarring Matthew Perry, Vanessa Williams,Lucy Liu, and more

© PARADE Publications 2012. All rights reserved.

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2 • September 16, 2012

PARADE

Q: Where does Judah

Friedlander get the caps

he wears on 30 Rock?

—Ali Rodger, San Diego

A: The 43-year-old actor, who plays trucker-hat-wearing Frank Rossitano on the NBC comedy (starting its fi nal season Oct. 4), makes them himself, creating slogans for each episode. “I have hundreds now,” he says. Enter for the chance to win a cap signed by Friedlander at Parade

.com/hat.

P Judah Friedlander

Q: The season fi nale of

Revenge revealed that

Emily Thorne’s mother

is actually alive. Who

got the part? —N. Bowen,

Nalcrest, Fla.

A: Jennifer Jason Leigh, 50, who starred in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, will play the unstable mother of Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) on

Q: Jim Parsons plays genius Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory (CBS, Sept. 27). What are his real-life academic credits? —Jeff Lesemann, Lafayette, La.

A: The Texas native, 39, has an under-graduate degree from the University of Houston and a master’s in classical theater from the University of San Diego, where he studied at the Old Globe theater. Parsons also boasts two Emmys and a Golden Globe award.

Q: I love Kerry Wash-ing ton on the drama Scandal (ABC, Sept. 27). Does she have a real interest in politics? —Viola M. Troup, Tex.

A: Yes; in addition to being an offi cial surrogate for the Obama campaign , Washington, 35, was appointed to the President’s Committee on the Arts and the Humanities in 2009. “I participate not as a celebrity but as an American,” she says.

the Hamptons-set drama (ABC, Sept. 30). Spoiler alert! Forget Daniel—meet Emily’s new love interest and learn about their romantic future at wetpaint.com/revenge.

WALTER SCOTT ASKS …

Zooey DeschanelShe stars as the quirky Jess Day on Fox’s New

Girl (premiering Sept. 25), a role that earned the 32-year-old actress her � rst Emmy nomination.

New Girl was last year’s surprise comedy hit. Did you expect such success after only one season? No! I just loved the character so much and hoped other people would, too. She’s really optimistic and responds differently to the world.You sing the show’s theme song. Did you help write it? I wrote the melody. I wanted the show to have a catchy theme song, so I took a crack at it. I love old theme songs. Mary Tyler Moore and Welcome Back,Kotter are my favorites. Bangs have become your signature look. Would you ever consider a new hairdo? I’m pretty much all bangs and eyes! I grew my bangs out before, but I don’t feel like myself if I don’t have them.

Send your questions to Walter Sco� at [email protected] or P.O. Box 5001, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10163-5001.

P Jim Parsons

P Kerry Washington

Celebs share (and sing!)

their favorite TV theme songs

at Parade.com/tv

P Jennifer Jason Leigh and Emily VanCamp

The Results Are In!After more than 50,000 votes, here are just

a few of the winners in the

SADDEST SERIES

CANCELLATION

CSI: MIAMI

FAVORITE TV

ANTIHERO

DEXTER MORGAN

MOST ANTICIPATED

RETURNING SHOW

THE BIG BANG THEORY

See more results at Parade.com/poll

Walter Scott’s

IT’S AMAZING

THAT I’M

STILL ALIVE!”

—Kiefer Sutherland, who survived his share of crazy

explosions on 24, is more than an action hero on the supernatural

series Touch (Fox, Oct. 26)

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Parade

1 Sweet ToothIan McEwan’s sly novel about

spies, swinging ’70s London, and changing sexual mores refl ects the Atonement author’s characteristic fascination with moral ambiguity. (Due Nov. 13)

2 The Round HouseLikely to be dubbed the Native

American To Kill a Mockingbird, Louise Erdrich’s moving, complex, and surprisingly uplifting latest tells of a boy’s coming of age in the wake of a brutal, racist attack on his mother. (Due Oct. 2)

3 SuttonWhen Willie Sutton left Attica

in 1969, the Brooklyn-born bank robber reemerged as a folk hero for an American public fed up with the fi nancial system. In his fi rst novel, J. R. Moehringer (The Tender Bar) presents an epic tale that rivals The Shawshank Redemption. (Due Sept. 25)

4 PhantomRestored to health but no less

troubled, ex-cop Harry Hole is back in Oslo, prowling the dark corners where junkies and crooked politicians cavort. A huge hit in Norway, the latest install-ment in Jo Nesbø’s wholly original series may be his best yet. (Due Oct. 2)

5 The TwelveIn Justin Cronin’s follow-up to

The Passage, a disastrous govern-ment experiment transforms most of humanity into hordes of vampiric monsters, and survivors struggle to fi nd the source of the virus. A feast for fans of apocalyptic fi ction and horror alike. (Due Oct. 16)

6MortalityThis collection of essays by

writer-critic Christopher Hitchens, who died in December after a battle with esophageal cancer, is a sort of anti–Last Lecture—a smart, irreverent, and moving analysis of his end-of-life journey through “Tumorville.” Brave and powerful stuff. (Available now)

7 Back to Blood Tom Wolfe offers up a

wonderful setting and a diverse cast of characters in this funny, thought-provoking, high-energy novel, which does for Miami what his 1987 best-selling The Bonfire

of the Vanities did for New York. (Due Oct. 23)

8 Joseph Anton: A MemoirIn February 1989, the Ayatollah

Khomeini issued a fatwa against novelist Salman Rushdie, sentencing him to death for writing The Satanic

Verses. Joseph Anton (Rushdie’s code name) is the story of how the author, who was forced underground, managed to live and fi ght, not just survive. (Due Sept. 18)

9 500 Days: Secrets and Lies in the Terror Wars

Illuminating and entertaining throughout, Kurt Eichenwald’s 500

Days draws readers into the inner sanctums of world leaders as they desperately scramble to deal with the aftermath of 9/11, making decisions that will impact international events—and ordinary citizens—for decades to come. (Available now)

10 The DivinersNovelist Libba Bray mixes

the glamour of Prohibition-era New York with supernatural thrills worthy of an early Stephen King story. In this young adult adventure with plenty of crossover appeal, protago-nist Evie O’Neill’s arrival in the city coincides with a spate of occult-based murders that unlock dark secrets in her own life. (Due Sept. 18)

FALL’SBEST BOOKSWE ASKED THE BOOK

EDITORS AT AMAZON.COM

TO PICK THE SEASON’S TOP

FICTION AND NONFICTION.

HERE’S THEIR AUTUMN

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5 The TweIn Justin C

The Passage, ament experimehumanity into hmonsters, andfi nd the sourcefor fans of apochorror alike. (D

6MortaliThis colle

writer-critic Chwho died in Decwith esophageaof anti–Last Lec

irreverent, and mhis end-of-life j “Tumorville.” Bstuff. (Available

7 Back toTom Wolfe

wonderful setticast of charactethought-provok novel, which dohis 1987 best-sof the Vanities d (Due Oct. 23)

8 JosephIn Februa

Khomeini issuenovelist Salmanhim to death foVerses. Joseph A

name) is the stowho was forced managed to livesurvive. (Due Se

9 500 DayLies in t

Illuminating anthroughout, KuDays draws reasanctums of wodesperately scraftermath of 9/that will impactevents—and ordecades to com

10The DNovel

the glamour ofNew York with sworthy of an eaIn this young adplenty of crossonist Evie O’Neilcoincides with abased murders secrets in her o

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KennectionsBy Ken Jennings

HOW TO PLAY

All � ve correct answers have something in common.

Can you � gure out what it is?

Chat With Ken Jennings!

He’ll answer questions,

give trivia advice, and

talk Jeopardy! at Facebook.com/parademag on Monday,

Sept. 17, at 2 p.m. ET.

ANSWERS: 1. JULIA ROBERTS;

2. GEORGE W. BUSH; 3. NEIL

PATRICK HARRIS; 4. JENNIFER

LOPEZ; 5. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

ALL PARENTS OF TWINS

WHAT’S THE “KENNECTION” BETWEEN ALL FIVE ANSWERS?

1. What movie star tried out an uncertain Irish accent twice in 1996, when she starred in Michael Collins and Mary Reilly?

2. Who was the only si� ing U.S. president to hold an M.B.A.?

3. What actor’s TV catch-phrases on his current sitcom include “Suit up!” and “Legen—wait for it—dary”?

4. Which former realityshow judge was the � rst woman to simultaneously have the No. 1 album and the top-grossing movie in the country, back in 2001?

5. What writer’s shortest play is The Comedy of Errors, clocking in at a mere 1,787 lines?

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FALL TV PrEVIEWReady for cooler

temps and ho� er shows? Here are the

season’s brightest stars and series.


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I love that dress on you,” Hayden Panettiere tells Connie Britton. “You look beautiful,” Britton replies, smoothing a lock of Panettiere’s hair. From the mutual admiration on

display at PARADE’s photo shoot, you’d never know these two play bitter rivals on the ABC series Nashville (Oct. 10, 10 p.m. ET), set in the world of country music. In this Star Is Born–esque saga, Britton plays Rayna Jaymes, whose Queen of Nashville crown is being knocked sideways by slumping music sales and the rise of a pop country upstart named Juliette Barnes—who’s popular even with Rayna’s own kids. Panettiere plays Barnes, who is as talented as she is ambitious but who’s trying to keep a lid on her deeply troubled family life.

“The music industry looks at them in very different ways,” says Britton, 45, who’s thankful she hasn’t had Rayna’s career arc. (Her Emmy nominations in the past three years, for Friday Night Lights and American Horror Story, prove just the opposite.) “I want to make sure we don’t imply that the minute a

Let the singing and scheming begin! Connie Bri� on and Hayden Pane� iere shine as country music stars

in one of fall’s most highly anticipated series.

Nashville

B Y M A RY M A R G A R E T

C O V E R A N D O P E N I N G P H O T O G R A P H S

B Y R O B E R T A S C R O F T

V U

OUR FAVORITE NEW SHOW

woman turns 40 the business leaves her behind, because that’s certainly not my experience. But there is a difference in perspective on the kind of stars these two women are, and that’s really authentic.”

For her part, Panettiere, 23, says that playing a “snotty, disrespectful” starlet is both a stretch (“It would be mortifying if anyone thought that was me in any way”) and a blessing. “I’m not going to lie—after Heroes, it was an uphill battle to be seen as anything besides the sweet, all-American cheerleader,” she says. “A project like this that allows me to both sing and act is a dream come true.”

The two stars, who perform songs written by Lee Brice, Elvis Costello, and others, were put through the kind of musical paces normally reserved for American Idol contestants. Britton worked fi rst with a vocal coach, then with renowned record producer T-Bone Burnett (husband of Nashville creator

Callie Khouri) for four hours daily. “I’ve said ‘What did I sign myself up for?’ just about every day,” she says with a laugh. “The first time people had to hear me sing, I was absolutely about to vomit.” Panettiere flirted with a pop career in her teens but admits she’s “always had very bad stage fright”; she studied entertainers like Carrie Under-wood and relied on a choreographer to get her moves Grand Ole Opry–ready.

Depicting Music City accurately was a major focus for Khouri (an Oscar winner for her Thelma & Louise screenplay). “I don’t know if the world understands how much of a [convergence] point Nashville is,” she says. “There are so many different types of music and people there. It’s a magical place.” The city, where the show is being fi lmed, is looking forward to its network close-up. “It’s injected millions into the economy,” says Mayor Karl Dean. “There is also an excitement and energy from having the actors here.”

Britton relocated with her two dogs and 19-month-old adopted son, Eyob, a move she describes as “chal-lenging. But I felt we had no choice but to shoot in Nashville.” Those who know the city

well may glimpse some locals in the bands, as well as musicians like J. D. Souther, who plays a country legend named Watty White.

While the series’ setup pits veteran against ingenue, the drama soon expands beyond that: Love triangles brew, a sinister father machinates, a marriage is tested, sympathies realign. “We’ve seen a lot of female relationships done wrong,” says Britton. “Our goal is to do it right.”

T H E Y WA L K T H E L I N E

“It’s probably the most intense prep I’ve done for any role,” says

Bri� on (le� , with Pane� iere).

For behind-the-scenes video

of the stars at our cover shoot, go to Parade.com

/nashville

THE TV PREVIEW

CONTINUES ON PAGE 8


FALL TV PrEVIEW

“It’s no secret I’ve spent a lot of time in the

last 15 years talking about my problems in

[therapy] circles.”

MATTHEW

PERRY

As Ryan King, a sports talk radio host forced into a support group following the death of his wife, Matthew

Perry is surrounded by hilarious misfi ts on Go On (NBC, Tuesdays, 9 p.m. ET). “These are quirky people who normally wouldn’t mix, but they need each other,” he says. “I wasn’t looking to do a comedy, but this gave me one of the most dramatic scenes I’ve ever had to play, and when you read some-thing good, all other designs go out the window.”

Elementary CBS, Sept. 27, 10 p.m. ET This modern take on Sherlock Holmes pairs a New York–based version of the cerebral sleuth (Jonny Lee Miller) with a female Watson (Lucy Liu), his sober companion. Don’t expect sparks to fl y, though—at least not right away. “A romance in a crime series can limit where you’re going,” says Liu. “But I don’t think [the producers] said never.”

666 Park Avenue ABC, Sept. 30, 10 p.m. ET A young couple (Dave Annable and Rachael Taylor) agree to manage the Drake, a luxury building with a sinister history. Terry O’Quinn and Vanessa Williams (below) are its mysterious owners. “We play evil well,” Williams says with a laugh.

Made in Jersey CBS, Sept. 28, 9 p.m. ETLoved Working Girl? Janet Mont-gomery channels some of Melanie Griffi th’s streetwise sass as a Garden State local launching her career at a posh Manhattan law fi rm. “It’s about having the right mix of her being different but [not] a caricature,” Montgomery says of her character.

Guys With Kids NBC, Sept. 26, 8:30 p.m. ETFrom executive producer Jimmy Fallon comes a show about three 30-something pals (Anthony Anderson, Jesse Bradford, and Zach Cregger) dealing with fatherhood, despite having some growing up to do themselves. Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Tempestt Bledsoe play two of the guys’ long-suffering spouses.

Ben and Kate Fox, Sept. 25, 8:30 p.m. ETA well-meaning troublemaker (Nat Faxon) moves in with his type A sister (Dakota Johnson) to help

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GETTY IMAGES; COURTESY OF NBC; MATT DINERSTEIN/NBC; ROBERT TRACHTENBERG/NBC; JOHN JOHNSON/FOX; PATRICK HARBRON/ABC

BITES FROM

THE BIG APPLE

High-pro� le new series that are vying for a spot on your TiVo


The New Normal

NBC, Tuesdays, 9:30 p.m. ET

A gay couple (Andrew Rannells and Justin Bartha) enlist a single-mom surrogate (Georgia King) to bear their child; Ellen Barkin (below left with Rannells, King, Bebe Wood, and Bartha) costars. Though the story line has already generated contro-versy, “everybody has people in their family who are represented in these characters,” says cocreator Ryan Murphy (Glee).

raise her daughter, played by Maggie Elizabeth Jones (We Bought a Zoo). “You’re going to have to suc-cumb to the fact that we’re not as adorable [as she is]!” Faxon says of the 8-year-old Jones.

Vegas CBS, Sept. 25, 10 p.m. ET In this ’60s-set drama, starring Dennis Quaid as real-life sheriff Ralph Lamb and Michael Chiklis as his mobster adversary, the early days of Sin City are resurrected—including the famed Fremont Street. Today, it’s known as the Fremont Street Experi-ence and includes light shows, casinos, and hotels under one canopy. But in the series re-creation, “it has a cowboy fl avor and represents western themes and ideals,” says executive producer Cathy Konrad.

THEN

NOW

SIN CITY

FLASHBACK

Emily Owens, M.D.

The CW, Oct. 16, 9 p.m. ET

Mamie Gummer stars as a med school grad who fi nds that life at her new hospital brings out old insecuri-ties, especially when she’s faced with a former teen tormentor. Though she’s the daughter of Meryl Streep, Gummer can relate. “High school never seems that long ago,” she says.

The Mob Doctor Fox, Sept. 17, 9 p.m. ET

To pay off a family debt, a Chicago surgeon (Jordana Spiro, above right) moonlights as a physician for the South Side Mafi a. “This didn’t feel like a medical procedural to me,” Spiro says. “There’s something down and dirty about the mob world that I like.”

Chicago Fire

NBC, Oct. 10, 10 p.m. ET

A look at the dangerous lives of the paramedics, fi refi ghters, and rescue squad workers in a Windy City fi re-house. The red-hot cast—led by Jesse Spencer and Taylor Kinney—appreciated getting some on-the-job training. “When you walk into a smoke-fi lled room that’s over 200 degrees, it’s a shock to the senses,” Kinney says.

“My character’s impatient and has

weird prejudices. If I acted like her at work,

I’d be seen as tyrannical.”

MINDY

KALING

She created and stars in The Mindy Project (Fox, Sept. 25, 9:30 p.m. ET), but Mindy Kaling (The Office) didn’t sacrifi ce comedy for vanity. Right away, we see her character’s success as a doctor tempered by a drunken fall into a pool, an embarrassing toast, and an inappropriate fl ing with a coworker. “She has huge blind spots and fl aws,” says Kaling.

SPOTLIGHT ON ...

Revolution NBC, Sept. 17, 10 p.m. ETLife without electricity—no lights, cars, phones, or (horrors!) TV—is vividly depicted in this postapocalyp-tic drama produced by Lost creator J. J. Abrams. In one scene, a vine-engulfed Wrigley Field conveys the shocking result of 15 unplugged years.

“We wanted to embrace the look of being swallowed by nature,”

says director Jon Favreau.

GET LOST IN A

NEW MYSTERY

JUST WHAT

THE DOCTOR

ORDERED

For more

new shows,

go to Parade

.com/fall

USeptember 16, 2012 • 9


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10 • September 16, 2012

My mother is famous

for saying that no women

worked in the ’50s. Is that

actually so? —Connie Weber,

Marietta, Ga.

Nope. Women composed more than 10 percent of the workforce even back in 1900. By 1950, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, about 34 percent of women (and 86 percent of men) were employed.

Another interesting point: In 87 percent of families, both a husband and a wife were present; in those families, 20 percent of the wives were employed.

Ask your mom to remember all of those women she saw whenever she visited a school (teachers), a hospital (nurses), a shop (clerks), or a business (secretaries)!

Ask MarilynBy Marilyn vos Savant

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GLUTEN-FREE

products are pop-ping up all over—sales topped $2.5 billion in 2010 and should hit $5 billion by 2015. Proponents point to weight loss and better health. So should you give up gluten, too?

For people with celiac disease—a gastrointestinal disorder triggered by gluten (a protein found in wheat, rye, and barley)—it’s a must, says Alessio Fasano, M.D., director of the Center for Celiac Research at the Uni-versity of Maryland in Baltimore. The condi-tion remains fairly rare, affecting roughly 1 in 100 people, but it’s becoming more prevalent, he says. If you suspect you have celiac—symptoms include cramping and bloating—make sure you get tested before cutting out gluten, Fasano says: Once you stop consuming it, the blood test required to diagnose celiac will be inconclusive.

What’s more, people who regularly experi-ence GI problems—and discover they go away on a gluten-free diet—may simply be gluten sensitive.

Going Gluten-Free: Hype or Help?Millions of Americans are eliminating gluten from their diets. Find out if you should.

have no reaction; those with celiac are at the other end.” In the middle are the gluten-sensitive folks, roughly 7 percent of the population, though

there’s no consensus on diagnosis. “The symptoms are similar; but unlike

celiac, gluten sensitiv-ity doesn’t lead to long-term consequences,”

Fasano says.Once you’ve ruled out

celiac disease, you can still try giving up gluten for a week or two and see how you feel (be aware that gluten can lurk in everything from soy sauce to beer). “Even if your symptoms are eased, though, it could be that you’re sensitive to another ingredient you’ve eliminated,” says Fasano. If you decide to go gluten-free for good, consult a dietitian to ensure you’re getting the nutrients you need. —Madonna Behen

THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO DIE OF CARBON

MONOXIDE POISONING EVERY YEAR. ABOUT

TWO-THIRDS OF THE FATALITIES ARE ATTRIBUTED

TO THE USE OF PORTABLE GENERATORS.

Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

450BY THE NUMBERS

To learn more about

carbon mon-oxide safety,

go to cdc.gov/co

HealthyStay

“Intolerance to gluten can be thought of as a spectrum,” says Fasano. “At one end are people who can eat gluten and

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Most of us thought the era of the “Super-Powerful” diet pill ended a few years back when the FDA

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This two-pronged attack on fat is apparently what makes the compound so effective... and so popular.

While the pills do cause rapid weight loss (no doubt about that), these amphetamine-like compounds are fast becoming a favorite among bodybuilders, college students, and overstressed, exhausted homemakers for their energy and stamina-boosting properties (in other words as powerful “go-fast” pills). Because cult-like trends that begin with body-builders and college students quickly become mainstream, many BiphedAdrene (or BiPhed for short) critics are concerned about the overuse of these powerful compounds.

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While these “super pills” are finding their way into the general marketplace, they are definitely

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Let’s face it... even though this new generation of diet pills, such as BiphedAdrene, promise “easy” weight loss, increased energy, and improved mood, they are expensive ($135 for a 30-day supply) and need to be used very responsibly. See you in the supplement section!

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TableAround the

Lunchtime

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Roast Beef & Swiss 1 large fl our tortilla, spread with a mixture of 1 Tbsp mayonnaise, 1 tsp honey mustard, and a pinch of pepper2–3 slices deli roast beef2–3 slices Swiss cheeseThinly sliced gherkinsBaby spinach leavesSliced Roma tomatoesChopped fresh chives

Southwestern1 large fl our tortillaChili (homemade or canned), heatedChopped tomatoGuacamoleSour creamShredded lettuceGrated cheddar cheese

Tuna Club1 large fl our tortilla¼ cup tuna salad2–3 slices cooked bacon3 thin slices tomato2–3 iceberg or other lettuce leaves

Turkey & Gouda1 large fl our tortilla,

spread with 2 Tbsp mayonnaise

mixed with 2–3 tsp cranberry sauce3 slices deli turkey2–3 slices GoudaThin slices

cucumberCarrot shavings

Vegetarian1 large fl our tortilla, spread with 2 Tbsp hummus3–4 slices avocado2–3 Tbsp roasted red pepper, cut into strips2–3 Tbsp chopped black olivesChopped romaine lettuce

PACK AND GO

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Split DecisionThe Box Appetit divided lunch holder has a removable dish for heating up food while other items keep their cool. ($25; The Container Store)

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Sandwich?

SCAN HERE

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Eight easy-peasy lunch hour wraps

Chicken Chipotle1 large fl our tortilla, spread with a mixture of 1 Tbsp mayonnaise and a pinch of chipotle chili powder4 slices deli roast chicken2–3 thin slices cheddar cheeseRomaine lettuce leaves

Italian Sub1 large fl our tortilla, sprinkled with oil and white wine vinegarThinly sliced salamiThinly sliced provoloneThinly sliced deli hamRoasted red peppers, cut into stripsChopped romaine lettuce

Pizza1 large fl our tortilla, spread with 2 Tbsp pizza sauce3 thin slices mozzarella cheese3 slices salami2 slices pepperoni2 Tbsp green bell pepper strips2 Tbsp sliced mushrooms

HOW TO WRAP (1) Layer ingredients in center of wrap; (2) fold the right side over the � lling; (3) roll into a tight cylinder; (4) wrap in wax paper or foil; (5) chill or eat.


My husband is always on his cell phone.

I can’t get him off the couch. I constantly

call him in for lunch, but he never re-

sponds. Any ideas? You just need something

that’s really going to get his attention. Try

picking up some Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Tur-

key from the grocery store. Instead of calling

for him, use your phone to snap a picture of

the turkey and send it to him. He’ll be in the

kitchen faster than you can say, “Pickles?”

I’ve been bringing my lunch to work ev-

every day for �ve years. Lately, someone

has been stealing my sandwiches! I can’t

function properly without my 12:30 sam-

me!! I think I’m gonna lose it! Sorry, I’ve

never been good with confrontation or

exclamation marks!! What should I do?!

Take a deep breath and count to 5. Trust me,

I went to a yoga class once. I’m guessing you

recently switched over to Oscar Mayer Deli

Fresh Turkey? When you’ve got a pack that

clear, it’s tough to hide delicious taste. Plus,

vultures can sense a tasty sandwich from

cubicles away. You could always embrace it.

Bring in enough for everyone and you’ll be-

come instant management material. We’re

talking window of�ce and everything.

My wife and I never seem to agree on any-

thing these days. I want to watch baseball,

but her new favorite show is always on. I

wanted to name our kid Jack, but she in-

sisted on Leopold. I like ham sandwiches,

but she wants turkey. I can’t take it any

more. Help! I think you’re going to be okay

here. I read somewhere that opposites attract!

Anyway, here’s something I know you’ll both

enjoy. Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Classic Combos

in a clear pack. Now you’ve got turkey, you’ve

got ham, you’ve got sanity. Make sure you

buy enough for little Leopold!

What’s your stance on toasted sandwich-

es? We got a panini press as a wedding

gift, and I’m deciding whether or not I

should re-gift it… like the bread maker.

Thoughts? Don’t even think about it! You’ve

been given a kingly gift my friend. Cherish

it. This will quickly become your new best

friend. Heat can do some magical things to

sandwiches. Prepare for a whole new world of

possibility! Just make sure you stock up on a

wide variety of Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh �rst,

because you guys are never going to leave the

kitchen. Even to sleep.

What do you look for in a respectable

sandwich? The �rst thing I look for is atten-

tion to detail. I pour my heart and soul into

every sandwich I make. So naturally, I hold all

sandwiches to a very high standard. The sec-

ond thing I look for is the meat. It’s clearly my

favorite, and in my opinion the most impor-

tant part of a sandwich. You can’t go wrong

with anything in the Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh

clear pack. Finally, I look for the game changer.

It’s the one personal touch that makes your

sandwich truly unique. I’ll let you �gure that

one out for yourself. Remember, all is fair in

love and sandwiches.

Wheat or white? Pretzel roll. You’re welcome.

What would you say to someone who

claims a lunch date or “day date” doesn’t

really count? I’d say it’s all relative. Ask

yourself what you’re hoping to get out of it.

If you’re asking me, I’d say a delicious smoked

turkey sandwich. A free lunch is always a win

in my book.

Lately, I think I’ve fallen into a bit of a

lunch rut. I seem to have lost that spark.

I used to anticipate that clock striking

noon, but now it’s just another hour. Got

any tips for spicing up my lunch routine?

Please, I’ll do anything! Sounds like a clas-

sic case of “Sandwich Block.” My guess is that

you’ve been eating a ham and cheese sand-

wich for lunch every day since middle school.

Don’t worry, no one is questioning your love

for the h&c, but sometimes a little change is

good. Maybe you’re seeking variety, but are

having trouble creating something satisfying

enough. Lucky for you, it doesn’t take a Noon

Guru to make a delicious sandwich. I’d recom-

mend Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Classic Com-

bos. It’s got the ham you love and the turkey

you need to shake things up a bit. Fear not,

your secret’s safe with me.

Everyone talks about breakfast in bed,

but I want to do something unique for

my husband of six years. What’s your

opinion on lunch in bed? I think that’s the

best idea I’ve heard all day! What’s romantic

about waking up at the crack of dawn any-

way? I think you should sneak down to the

kitchen around noon, and make him the great-

est sandwich of his life. Make sure you have

plenty of meat and cheese, and all his other fa-

vorite �xings. No one knows what he likes bet-

ter than you. Feel free to throw some sides on

the tray too, but make sure the emphasis is on

the sandwich. When he wakes up to the sight

of that perfect, dream sammy, he’ll be thrilled

that he gets to spend the rest of his life with

you. I think my stomach just cried a little bit.

Desert Island. You can bring 5 things with

you. Go! Waterproof matches, blanket, Oscar

Mayer Deli Fresh turkey, utility knife and elec-

tronic Sudoku (in case I get bored). Question,

will there be fresh tomatoes?

THE NOON GURU

Clear advice with nothing to hide

Remember, all is fair in love and sandwiches.”

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been given a kingly gift my friend. Cherish

it. This will quickly become your new best

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© 2012 Kraft Foods


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