parade 1 24 16

PAGE: 01 CODE: 11A1 BOOK: 16 ISSUE: 01-24-16

First Lady ofaughterSheʼs made us smile for six decades and

now inspires a new generation of comedians

Plus The Truth About

The X-FilesNational Treasure:

Route 66

Carol Burnett L

S U N DAY, JA N UA RY 2 4 , 2 0 1 6 | PA RA D E .CO M

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01062016100754 Approved with warnings

© PARADE Publications 2016. All rights reserved.


Seeing SpotsWhen Disney’s 101 Dalmatians was released in 1961, it became the highest-grossing movie of the year—and, at that time, the highest-grossing animated fi lm of all time. In honor of its pup-tastic 55th anniversary, here are fi ve more fun facts you might not know.

1. There is a hidden Mickey Mouse “spot” (shaped like Mickey’s head) on almost all of the Dalmatians.

2. Cruella De Vil’s personality and mannerisms were inspired by actress Tallulah Bankhead.

3. Someone did a frame-by-frame count of all the spots in the movie. The total: 6,469,952.

4. The spots on Lucky’s back are arranged in a horseshoe shape.

5. Dodie Smith, the author of the novel on which the movie was based, got the idea when her Dalmatian gave birth to 15 puppies.

GILLIAN ANDERSONAfter a 14-year hiatus, The X-Files is back on TV! Tonight Anderson, 47, reunites with David Duchovny in her Emmy-winning role as Dana Scully when the new series premieres on Fox. In the meantime, she’s kept her investigative chops sharp as Stella Gibson on the BBC Two TV series The Fall, and kept her hand in the paranormal as an author.

I know Chris Pine’s new movie, The Finest Hours, is based on a true story. Did he get a chance to meet any of the men who were involved in the real-life rescue that the movie is about?

—Steve S., Newton, Mass.A: Two of the Coast Guardsmen who lived the story depicted in the movie, Andy Fitzgerald and Mel Gouthro, came

by the set of the fi lm, which is “a great, true story about the most

successful, small-boat rescue in Coast Guard history,” says Pine, 35, who stars as Boat-swain’s Mate First Class Bernard Webber. The fi lm, based on a 1952 rescue that

took place when an oil tanker was ripped open by a storm, opens Jan. 29.

WALTER SCOTT ASKS ...

What causes are close to Anderson’s heart? Go to Parade.com/gillian to fi nd out.

How has Scully changed since she’s been away from The X-Files? “Time has passed. She and Mulder [Duchovny] are not together and she’s not an FBI agent. She is working as an assistant surgeon in a hospital and she’s living alone.”How does Scully let Mulder seduce her back into The X-Files? “She doesn’t want to be dragged back in until she becomes personally involved, until she sees that she—and potentially their child—has been

affected by the events that Mulder has brought under her nose again.” You are also starring in A+E Networks’ War and Peace, airing Monday nights, in which you play Anna. What interested you? “The thought that somebody would have the gumption to actually attempt War and Peace again! But I’ve worked with Andrew Davies before, who did the adaptation, and entirely

trust his ability. And Anna’s a very beguiling, infl uential character in the story.”Your second paranormal novel, A Dream of Ice, was just released. What do you get from writing that acting doesn’t pro-vide? “I feel like it uses a completely different part of my brain. So much of what an actor does is interpret something that preexists. Writing is much more expansive.”

Now that Natalie Portman lives in Paris, will she be making any more American fi lms?

—Rainer T., Chicago, Ill. A: Since moving to France, Portman, 34, has ven-tured into French fi lmmaking. But she also has two

projects coming up that couldn’t be more American. The fi rst is the Western Jane Got a Gun, opening

Jan. 29, in which she stars as a woman trying to save her

outlaw husband from a gang that wants to kill him. And she’s fi lm-ing Jackie, starring as Jacqueline Ken-nedy, about the fi rst lady’s life after John F.

Kennedy’s assassina-tion in 1963.

WALTER SCOTT’S

Email your questions for Walter Scott to [email protected]

Want to get fi t in the new year? Take our weight-loss survey at Parade.com/pounds, and visit Parade.com/winbig to enter

The Biggest Loser contest.

2 | JANUARY 24, 2016

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Send questions to marilyn @ parade.com

Numbrix®

Complete 1 to 81 so the numbers follow a horizontal or

vertical path—no diagonals.

JANUARY 24, 2016 | 3

Ask MarilynBy Marilyn vos Savant

79

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59

31

53

51

49

37

33

73

71

21

19

9

Can you get a cold if you're not around other people or anything a sick person may have touched? My friends say you can. Are they correct?

—G. Avila, Seattle, Wash.

Nope. Although cold viruses can survive for a while after a sneeze or a cough, they do not live independently in the air, either indoors or outdoors. So you can take a long, solitary hike in a freez-ing rain, then return home to alternately heat and chill yourself by jumping in and out of your backyard hot tub while the rain turns to snow, and you can still be sure that you will not catch a cold.

0124_AskMarilyn.indd 3 1/6/16 9:56 AM

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ASSIGNING EDITOR ___________ | MANAGING EDITOR __________ | COPY EDITOR __________ | PHOTO EDITOR __________ | EDIT. DIRECTOR __________ | EIC __________


ASSIGNING EDITOR ___________ | MANAGING EDITOR __________ | COPY EDITOR __________ | PHOTO EDITOR __________ | EDIT. DIRECTOR __________ | EIC __________

Edited by Alison Abbey / L I K E U S AT FACEBOOK .COM/PARADEMAG

Parade

4 | JANUARY 24, 2016

More than a decade a� er the sci-� hit le� the small screen, The X-Files returns to

Fox with a six-episode run starting tonight at 10 p.m. ET. Celebrate the return of the FBI’s top paranormal investigators, Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson, interview on page 2) and Fox Mulder (David Duchovny), with these cold hard facts (and � gurines). The truth is in here.

NEW SCIENCE FICTION READS Dive deeper into the realm of sci-fi with these otherworldly books.

The Bands of Mourning (Tor Books)Brandon Sanderson delivers the long-awaited follow-up to Shadows of Self. Available Jan. 26. $28, amazon.com

All the Birds in the Sky (Tor Books) No less than the planet’s catastrophic breakdown is at stake in Charlie Jane Anders’ latest tome. Available Jan. 26. $26, amazon.com

Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot: To Preserve (Roc) Author Mickey Zucker Reichert was inspired by science fi ction grand master Isaac Asimov’s stories. Available Feb. 2. $27, amazon.com

THE X FILES DECLASSIFIED

IN THE MOODWhile there’s been talk of an X-Files return for years, now was the perfect time to make it a reality, says show creator Chris Carter. “It happens to be a great time to tell X-Files stories, as the mood in America is one of distrust of our government,” he says. “It would have been easy to come back and do sequels to a few of our most popular episodes, but the writers—all from the original series—wanted to do new stories. [Plus] the actors were on board, and that’s all it took for me.”

Visit Parade.com/chriscarter to see his full interview.

A PEEK BEHIND THE SCENESBefore production began, the writers met several times in executive producer Glen Morgan’s backyard to pitch and break stories.

Guest star Annet Mahendru(series regular on The Ameri-cans) plays Sveta Zatylny, whose last name was inspired by show creator Chris Carter’s Van-couver assistant, Christena Zatylny.

In the premiere, the words “DON’T GIVE UP” are scrawled in the dust on Scully’s back windshield. The phrase was written on the window by Chris Carter himself.

Gillian Anderson wore two different wigs during pro-

duction (she’s blond in real life): The fi rst one hurt her head and it wasn’t quite the right shade of red.

MINI G-MENBring home Scully, Mulder and all the

shady characters from The X-Files with these POP! TV fi gurines. $9, Barnes & Noble and

barnesandnoble.com

TAKE AN ALIEN EXCURSIONVisit these spooky destinations and conduct your own paranor-mal investigations.

Roswell, N.M., has long been a hub of alien (tourist) activity thanks to an infamous alleged 1947 UFO crash. The Internation-al UFO Museum and Research Center includes a diorama of extraterrestrials and a fi lm of the “offi cial” autopsy of the aliens from the crash.

Area 51—the famed U.S. Air Force Base believed to be fi lled with experimental aircraft and possible alien secrets—is the most famous “secret” facility in the country. While you can’t visit the base, you can travel to its site in the Nevada desert via the Nevada Extraterrestrial Highway. And stop at the Little A’Le’Inn in Rachel for some spacey shoptalk with its owners.

Visit Parade.com/alienexcursions for a gallery of more out-of-this-

world destinations.

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ASSIGNING EDITOR ___________ | MANAGING EDITOR __________ | COPY EDITOR __________ | PHOTO EDITOR __________ | EDIT. DIRECTOR __________ | EIC __________ ASSIGNING EDITOR ___________ | MANAGING EDITOR __________ | COPY EDITOR __________ | PHOTO EDITOR __________ | EDIT. DIRECTOR __________ | EIC __________


JANUARY 24, 2016 | 5

NEW SCIENCE FICTION READS Dive deeper into the realm of sci-fi with these otherworldly books.

The Bands of Mourning (Tor Books)Brandon Sanderson delivers the long-awaited follow-up to Shadows of Self. Available Jan. 26. $28, amazon.com

All the Birds in the Sky (Tor Books) No less than the planet’s catastrophic breakdown is at stake in Charlie Jane Anders’ latest tome. Available Jan. 26. $26, amazon.com

Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot: To Preserve (Roc) Author Mickey Zucker Reichert was inspired by science fiction grand master Isaac Asimov’s stories. Available Feb. 2. $27, amazon.com

A PEEK BEHIND THE SCENESBefore production began, the writers met several times in executive producer Glen Morgan’s backyard to pitch and break stories.

Guest star Annet Mahendru (series regular on The Ameri-cans) plays Sveta Zatylny, whose last name was inspired by show creator Chris Carter’s Van-couver assistant, Christena Zatylny.

In the premiere, the words “DON’T GIVE UP” are scrawled in the dust on Scully’s back windshield. The phrase was written on the window by Chris Carter himself.

Gillian Anderson wore two different wigs during pro-

duction (she’s blond in real life): The first one hurt her head and it wasn’t quite the right shade of red.

TAKE AN ALIEN EXCURSION Visit these spooky destinations and conduct your own paranor-mal investigations.

Roswell, N.M., has long been a hub of alien (tourist) activity thanks to an infamous alleged 1947 UFO crash. The Internation-al UFO Museum and Research Center includes a diorama of extraterrestrials and a film of the “official” autopsy of the aliens from the crash.

Area 51—the famed U.S. Air Force Base believed to be filled with experimental aircraft and possible alien secrets—is the most famous “secret” facility in the country. While you can’t visit the base, you can travel to its site in the Nevada desert via the Nevada Extraterrestrial Highway. And stop at the Little A’Le’Inn in Rachel for some spacey shoptalk with its owners.

Visit Parade.com/alienexcursions for a gallery of more out-of-this-

world destinations.

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Stretching 2,448 miles from Chicago to Los Angeles across eight states and three time zones, Route 66, also known as the Main Street of America or the Will Rogers Highway, has inspired and intrigued through the years. John Steinbeck

devoted a chapter of his 1939 novel � e Grapes of Wrath to “the Mother Road,” a nickname that stuck. In the postwar 1940s, Bobby Troup penned the hit song “(Get Your Kicks on) Route 66,” then in the 1960s, the groundbreaking TV show Route 66 hit the airwaves. More recently, a new generation discovered Route 66 with Disney/Pixar’s Cars movies.

“Route 66 represents America before we became generic,” says Michael Wallis, who voices the role of Sheriff in the Cars fi lms and is author of Route 66: � e Mother Road and co-founder of the Route 66 Alliance (route66alliance.org). � e road was decommissioned in 1985 after interstates took over. Since then, Wallis’ group and other nonprofi ts, such as the National Historic Route 66 Federation (national66.org) created by David and Mary Lou Knudson, have joined forces to preserve this slice of “the real America.”

Today, the Mother Road isn’t on many maps, but the star of books, fi lms and TV still draws visitors—many of them interna-tional tourists—who appreciate the route’s original (and sometimes restored) neon signs, motels, gas stations and roadside attractions. (Visit Parade.com/route66 for 10 don’t-miss stops.) “It’s the classic American road trip, but it’s not predictable,” says Wallis. “� ere’s the possibility of adventure around every bend.”—Written by Diana Reese; nominated by Ellen Loeffl er, Chicago, Ill.

Go to Parade.com/nationaltreasure for more people, places and things that make America unique. Share yours!P

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JANUARY 24, 2016 | 7

ROUTE 66A road less traveled but still full of kicks

0124_NatTreasure.indd 7 1/7/16 9:39 AM


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FROM TOP LEFT: CBS ARCHIVES/GETTY IMAGES (2); MARGARET NORTON/NBC/GETTY IMAGES; TRAE PATTON/CBSSTYLING BY MICHAEL NASH; HAIR BY SACHI WORRALL; MAKEUP BY MARJA WEBSTER

Groundbreaking funny woman Carol Burnett on six decades of show business, what makes her laugh—and why she’s nervous about picking up her lifetime

achievement award in front of Meryl Streep.

By Amy Spencer • Cover and feature photography by Ari Michelson

8 | JANUARY 24, 2016

I t’s been 37 years since TV’s � e Carol Burnett Showwent off the air, and yet Carol Burnett is still asked by fans to perform some of her greatest hits, like

tugging her left ear (a “hello” to her grandmother) and her Tarzan yell.

So she must be tired of doing them all by now, right? “No,” she says without a beat. “You have to keep

in mind that for that audience—this is the fi rst time they’re seeing it.” Which probably explains why, at her Los Angeles Parade photo shoot, she generously suggests she lead a group of aspiring young comedians in the Tarzan yell. As Burnett throws her head back and howls, the familiar funny sound sends the whole room decades back in time.

For Burnett, 82, who was born in San Antonio, Texas, it all started with the divorce of her parents, both alcoholics, and her move-in with her grand-mother “Nanny” in Hollywood, when she was 7, in 1940. Fourteen years later, after discovering a love for theater at the University of California, Los Angeles, she moved to New York City.

Within fi ve years, she’d earned both a Tony Award nomination (for her role in Once Upon a Mattress) and a regular co-hosting spot on TV (on � e Garry Moore Show). Eight years later, in 1967, she made history: � e debut of � e Carol Burnett Show made her the fi rst woman ever to host a variety sketch show. With co-stars Tim Conway, Vicki Lawrence, Lyle Waggoner and Harvey Korman, the show collected 25 Emmy Awards during its 11-year run before wrapping in 1978.

First Lady Laughterof

Burnett went on to appear in movies (including playing Miss Hannigan in the 1982 screen adapation of Broadway’s Annie) and in dramatic TV roles, and has written three memoirs, all of them New York Times best-sellers.

She now lives in Santa Barbara, Calif., with her husband, Brian, a music contractor for the Hollywood Bowl and the Nederlander theaters. She has two grown daughters, Jody and Erin. (Her daughter Carrie Hamilton died of cancer in 2002.)

Burnett will perform some of her live Q&A “Laughter and Refl ection” shows beginning in the spring and will release her fourth book (about her years on � e Carol Burnett Show) in the fall. And this month, she’ll accept the Screen Actors Guild’s 52nd Life Achievement Award to honor her career and humanitarian accomplish-ments (airing Jan. 30 on TNT and TBS at 8 p.m. ET).

She’s also fi ercely committed to doing what she can for comedy’s next generations: Not only has Burnett established scholarships around the country (including one at her alma mater), but if a young fan writes her for acting advice—often after fi nding her classic show clips on DVDs and YouTube—“if it’s a well-written letter and they’re young enough and they leave their phone number,” she says, “I’ll call them.”

0124_Feature2.indd 8 1/6/16 9:59 AM




JANUARY 24, 2016 | 9 FROM TOP LEFT: CBS ARCHIVES/GETTY IMAGES (2); MARGARET NORTON/NBC/GETTY IMAGES; TRAE PATTON/CBSSTYLING BY MICHAEL NASH; HAIR BY SACHI WORRALL; MAKEUP BY MARJA WEBSTER

Groundbreaking funny woman Carol Burnett on six decades of show business, what makes her laugh—and why she’s nervous about picking up her lifetime

achievement award in front of Meryl Streep.

By Amy Spencer • Cover and feature photography by Ari Michelson

First Lady LaughterBurnett went on to appear in movies (including playing Miss Hannigan

in the 1982 screen adapation of Broadway’s Annie) and in dramatic TV roles, and has written three memoirs, all of them New York Times best-sellers.

She now lives in Santa Barbara, Calif., with her husband, Brian, a music contractor for the Hollywood Bowl and the Nederlander theaters. She has two grown daughters, Jody and Erin. (Her daughter Carrie Hamilton died of cancer in 2002.)

How different would your life have been if you hadn’t moved in with your grandmother when you were 7 years old? Whoa [laughs]. I have no idea. Had my mother and my father stayed married, had they not turned to drink . . . They were good people, they just had the disease. But Nanny doted on me. So I felt special even though we were poor. We’d save our pen-nies, and we went to the movies. Growing up in the ’40s and seeing those movies—they weren’t cynical. I grew up thinking, Everything is going to be peachy keen. The good guys won; the bad guys didn’t.

Did that influence the type of comedy you ended up doing? It influenced my thinking when I went into show business: I was never afraid. I knew in my heart I would make a living so that I could put food on the table, clothes on my back and pay the rent.

What memorable career advice did you get starting out? I was trying out for something in New York on television.

The star of the show was an emcee kind of guy. He said, “Honey, you’ll never make it in television. You’re too loud.” So I didn’t get the job, needless to say. I guess that was advice—but I didn’t take it!

What do you think of comedy today? A lot of it I’m not thrilled with. Some of the comedy I’ve watched on television seems to have been written by teenage boys in the locker room. And now I’m sounding like an old fogey, but look back at some of the sitcoms that were brilliant—All in the Family, Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart. Those hold up today, and there’s not one cheap laugh in them. Otherwise, I don’t watch that much comedy. I’m into House of Cards. Breaking Bad—my God, did I binge on that!

Is there any other comedy you’re watch-ing that you think works? I’ve been watching The Grinder. I think Rob Lowe and Fred Savage are just divine. I love everybody in it. That’s clever writing with-out being scatological or getting dirty.

Burnett will perform some of her live Q&A “Laughter and Reflection” shows beginning in the spring and will release her fourth book (about her years on The Carol Burnett Show) in the fall. And this month, she’ll accept the Screen Actors Guild’s 52nd Life Achievement Award to honor her career and humanitarian accomplish-ments (airing Jan. 30 on TNT and TBS at 8 p.m. ET).

She’s also fiercely committed to doing what she can for comedy’s next generations: Not only has Burnett established scholarships around the country (including one at her alma mater), but if a young fan writes her for acting advice—often after finding her classic show clips on DVDs and YouTube—“if it’s a well-written letter and they’re young enough and they leave their phone number,” she says, “I’ll call them.”

0124_Feature2.indd 9 1/6/16 9:59 AM

01062016100708



10 | JANUARY 24, 2016

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What do you think shapes and forms a person’s sense of humor? I think you’re born with it. You can maybe develop one, but I don’t know that it’s environmental. My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of hu-mor. My grandmother too. But I don’t think you can teach timing. I don’t think you can teach a sense of humor.

You’ve played so many goofy, nutty charac-ters. Do you ever pull that out at home with your husband or your friends? [Laughs] No! I’m not that funny. If I go to a party, I’m not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. Whenever we go out to dinner with Tim [Conway] and Harvey [Korman] and their wives, you’d have to know the Heimlich maneuver, because they make me laugh so hard I could choke! Lucy [Lucille Ball] loved to laugh and was a great audi-ence, but she never cut up when she wasn’t on camera.

Yet in the Q&A ses-sions during The Carol Burnett Show, you were hilarious. That’s different. It’s the per-forming version [of me]. I go around the country and do Q&As. I fly without a net. I don’t know what they’re going to ask, so it’s really fun, but [points to her head] it also keeps the old gray matter ticking.

The Q&A on The Carol Burnett Show really helped make the show. How did that come about? I didn’t want to do it at first. It was a suggestion from our executive producer, Bob Banner. He said, “Carol, you’re going to be in all kinds of getups: fat suits, teeth blacked out, fright wigs . . . People should get to know you first. Why don’t you be the warm-up, and we’ll tape it?” I said, [scared gasp] “I can’t do that.” And he said, “Just try it, and if

you don’t like it we’ll deep-six it.” I was terri-fied I wouldn’t have a snappy answer. But after we did it three or four weeks, the audience started coming prepared and I started to loos-en up and have fun with it.

What is something that will always be fun-ny to you? I love good physical comedy—to see somebody who can do things with their body like Dick Van Dyke could do, with crazy

falls. Steve Martin in All of Me, when he did

that whole thing where he was pos-sessed by the spirit in his body? It was

brilliant.Is there anyone

working today who you see a little bit of yourself in? Not really. I see them as themselves. You know, somebody said, “Isn’t it nice that you inspire Tina Fey and Amy Poehler?” They were very kind in saying that they watched my show growing up. But if I had never been born, they’d be doing what they’re doing. I think they would be doing it anyway. I just hope they keep it up.

Who do you respect in comedy today? Well, Tina and Amy. I mean, they ran their shows beautifully. And also what’s impor-tant—I know I’m going to sound like a goody two-shoes—but they’re kind. They’re good people. I just think it’s so important to be kind. You can still be strong, but you don’t have to be nasty about it. If you’re kind, you’re going to get the best out of everybody.

Your guest appearances seem particularly chosen. What does a show have to be for you to want to be in it? Well, it varies. I’m a fan of Hawaii Five-0, so I’ve been on that three times. I did Hot in Cleveland because I’m very close with Betty White. I love Betty, and Betty was on our show. I would

Visit Parade.com/laughs for more “My Favorite Jokes”

from our archives and a gallery of our funniest cover stars. continued on page 12

Carol Burnett has worked with the greats, including Lucille Ball (inset left) and Tim Conway, Vicki Lawrence and Harvey Korman.

FLASHBACK

“Irate husband to his wife who takes a notoriously long time to dress: ‘How soon will you be ready, darling?…Be specific…give me a date.’”

—Red Skelton, Sept. 11, 1960

“Benjamin Franklin may have dis-covered electricity, but the man who invented the meter made all the money.”

—Johnny Carson, April 26, 1964

“I never got any respect from my old man. I said, ‘Nobody likes me.’ He said, ‘Don’t feel that way. Everybody hasn’t met you yet.’”

—Rodney Dangerfield, July 4, 1976

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Lots of Laughs Parade has celebrated comedy for 75 years. Greats including Harpo Marx, Bob Hope, Phyllis Diller, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Chris Rock, Ellen DeGeneres, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams and Amy Poehler have graced our covers, and many others have contributed jokes to our “My Favorite Jokes” section. Here’s a sampling from some of the most beloved funny folks of all time. —M.B. Roberts

0124_Feature2.indd 10 1/6/16 9:59 AM


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Who’s Included? The Settlement includes all persons in the United States who received one or more text messages sent by or on behalf of Abercrombie & Fitch Stores, Inc., Hollister Co., Abercrombie & Fitch Co., Gilly Hicks and/or abercrombie kids, between August 25, 2010 and December 18, 2015.

What Are the Settlement Terms? The Defendants have agreed to pay $10 million to create a Settlement Fund that will be used to pay cash payments to individuals who submit a valid claim, attorney fees, service awards, costs, expenses and settlement administration. The cash payments will be distributed on a pro rata basis depending on the number of valid claims filed. Only one claim is allowed per Class Member. The Defendants will also implement training concerning TCPA compliance.

How can I get a Payment? You can quickly file a claim online at www.AFTCPAsettlement.com. You may also download a Claim Form and submit your claim via email (at [email protected]) or regular U.S. mail. The deadline to file a claim online or via email is 11:59 p.m. PST on May 16, 2016. If you send in a Claim Form by regular mail, it must be postmarked on or before May 16, 2016.

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you don’t like it we’ll deep-six it.” I was terri-fied I wouldn’t have a snappy answer. But after we did it three or four weeks, the audience started coming prepared and I started to loos-en up and have fun with it.

What is something that will always be fun-ny to you? I love good physical comedy—to see somebody who can do things with their body like Dick Van Dyke could do, with crazy

falls. Steve Martin in All of Me, when he did

that whole thing where he was pos-sessed by the spirit in his body? It was

brilliant.Is there anyone

working today who you see a little bit of yourself in? Not really. I see them as themselves. You know, somebody said, “Isn’t it nice that you inspire Tina Fey and Amy Poehler?” They were very kind in saying that they watched my show growing up. But if I had never been born, they’d be doing what they’re doing. I think they would be doing it anyway. I just hope they keep it up.

Who do you respect in comedy today? Well, Tina and Amy. I mean, they ran their shows beautifully. And also what’s impor-tant—I know I’m going to sound like a goody two-shoes—but they’re kind. They’re good people. I just think it’s so important to be kind. You can still be strong, but you don’t have to be nasty about it. If you’re kind, you’re going to get the best out of everybody.

Your guest appearances seem particularly chosen. What does a show have to be for you to want to be in it? Well, it varies. I’m a fan of Hawaii Five-0, so I’ve been on that three times. I did Hot in Cleveland because I’m very close with Betty White. I love Betty, and Betty was on our show. I would

JANUARY 24, 2016 | 11

Visit Parade.com/laughs for more “My Favorite Jokes”

from our archives and a gallery of our funniest cover stars. continued on page 12

FLASHBACK

“Irate husband to his wife who takes a notoriously long time to dress: ‘How soon will you be ready, darling?…Be specific…give me a date.’”

—Red Skelton, Sept. 11, 1960

“Benjamin Franklin may have dis-covered electricity, but the man who invented the meter made all the money.”

—Johnny Carson, April 26, 1964

“I never got any respect from my old man. I said, ‘Nobody likes me.’ He said, ‘Don’t feel that way. Everybody hasn’t met you yet.’”

—Rodney Dangerfield, July 4, 1976

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Lots of Laughs Parade has celebrated comedy for 75 years. Greats including Harpo Marx, Bob Hope, Phyllis Diller, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Chris Rock, Ellen DeGeneres, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams and Amy Poehler have graced our covers, and many others have contributed jokes to our “My Favorite Jokes” section. Here’s a sampling from some of the most beloved funny folks of all time. —M.B. Roberts

0124_Feature2.indd 11 1/6/16 10:00 AM


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do The Grinder because I am a fan of the show. I would do a part in House of Cards if they ask—a straight role.

What is a day in your life like? My husband and I, in the morn-ing, our routine is I’ll have coffee. We do the New York Times and the L.A. Times crossword puz-zles—we tag team—and then he works. When he’s there, we’ll watch old movies or we’ll play Scrabble. Or we go out to dinner a lot. We have a lot of friends, so it’s a nice social life.

You’ll be accepting SAG’s Life Achievement Award. What do you appreciate about this award in particular? Because it’s from your peers. And it also encompasses television and mov-ies, so it’s the whole shebang. I’m just sorry I have to make a speech. I get nervous about that. Kennedy Center Honors, all you have to do is show up and wave.

Really? What is it that you’re most nervous about? Am I go-ing to say the right thing? Am I going to be succinct and get my point across? It’s all of that. And I’m a little nervous about seeing all of the big movie stars. I think, Oh my God! There’s Meryl Streep! Oh geez!

How do you want to be re-membered? That I made some-body laugh when they needed it. That at one point, when they needed it, that I made them forget—even if it is just for 10 seconds—that they were hurting.

from page 10

Who are today’s top comedy stars? Go to Parade.com/newcomedy

to find out.

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The very same pan you use for your favorite cupcakes can be one of the most versatile tools in your kitchen. The twist: Use it to make perfectly portioned, simply delicious snacks,

dinners and breakfasts—from savory spaghe� i and meatball nests to crunchy, fruity grab-n-go granola cups.

In a large bowl, combine 1¼ cups quick-cooking rolled oats, ½ cup chopped almonds, ½ cup dried cranberries, ½ cup chopped dried apricots, ½ cup wheat germ, ¼ cup sunfl ower seeds, 1 tsp grated lemon zest, ¾ tsp ground cinnamon, ½ tsp salt and ¼ tsp allspice. In a second bowl, lightly beat 1 large egg; stir in ½ cup honey and ¼ cup canola oil. Stir into dry ingredients. Divide among 12 generouslygreased muffi n cups, pressing mixture up sides with wet fi ngers to form cups. Bake 20 minutes at 350°F or until edges brown and cups are set. Cool several minutes before unmolding. Combine 1 cup plain yogurt and 2 tsp vanilla extract. Divide evenly among cooled granola cups. Top each with 1 fresh raspberry, if desired. Makes 12.

Muffi n Tin

Spaghetti & Meatball Nests

Whisk 3 large egg whites in a medium bowl. Add 8 oz cooked spaghetti, 1½ cups marinara sauce and ¾ cup shredded mozzarella; mix well. Divide evenly among 12 (½ cup) generously greased muffi n cups, pressing mixture up sides to form nests. Bake 12 minutes at 400°F or until bubbly. Place 1 packaged precooked meatball in each nest; top with more sauce and shred-ded mozzarella. Bake 3–5 minutes or until cheese is melted. Transfer nests to plates. Sprinkle evenly with 1 Tbsp chopped fresh basil. Makes 12.

Quinoa Shrimp Salad

Cut 2 soft (10-inch) spinach tortillas into quarters. Press each piece into 1 muffi n cup. Brush cups with olive oil. Bake 5 minutes at 350°F or until crisp. Cool on rack 3 minutes. Com-bine 2 cups cooked quinoa; 1 cup canned black beans (rinsed and drained); 1 cup cooked small shrimp; ¾ cup cherry tomatoes, halved; and ¼ cup chopped cilantro. Gently stir in 1 peeled, chopped avocado. Whisk together 3 Tbsp orange juice, 2 Tbsp olive oil, ½ tsp cayenne and ½ tsp salt. Transfer tortilla cups to plates; divide salad evenly among cups. Drizzle dressing over salad. Makes 8.

4MUFFIN TINTricks

Poach a dozen eggs at once. Fill each muffin cup with 1 Tbsp water and crack in one egg. Bake at 350°F for 13–15 minutes or until set.Freeze stock. Fill each cup with stock, soup or sauce, and freeze. Transfer “pucks” into heavy-duty plastic zip-top bags to store.Make cookie bowls. Mold refriger-ated cookie dough over the underside of muffi n cups and bake at 375°F for 10–12 minutes for cookie bowls to hold ice cream or yogurt. Mise en place. That just means hav-ing all your ingredients set up before you start cooking. Fill each cup with measured-out chopped garlic, herbs and other ingredients.

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0124_ATT.indd 15 1/6/16 9:57 AM


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