Peer Relationships and Dating

Bell RingerList all of the qualities you can

think of that you would want in a friend. (5 min)

Go around and have everyone name one

List them on the boardTalk about “in order to have this

kind of a friend, you have to BE a friend like this”. (10) min

Friendship Common attribute s of friendships:

Similar values, interests, beliefs, and attitudes

Open and honest communication

Sharing of joys, disappointments, dreams, and concerns

Mutual respect, caring, and support

Concern about each other’s safety and well-being

“Researchers have found that people generally form close relationships with individuals who share similar goals, values, or interests. Other studies suggest that people get along better with individuals whose personalities compliment their own.”

Different Types of Friendships Casual Friendships

Share interests but not deep emotional bonds

Close Friendships

Strong emotional ties. Feel comfortable sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Platonic Friendships

A friendship with a member of the opposite gender in which there is affection but the two people are not considered a couple.

One-Sided Friendships

is a friendship in which one person does most of the giving and the other person does most of the receiving.

Building Strong Friendships

Good Friends:Reinforce your values

Motivate you

Show empathy

Treat you with fairness

Share your interests

Accept you for who you are

Support you

Loyalty

“A true friend is someone who is

willing to take you the way you are, but leaves you

better than they found you.”

Cliques A clique is a small circle of friends, usually with similar

backgrounds or tastes, who exclude people viewed as outsiders.

Mean Girls Clip (5 min)

Do you think YOU are a member of a clique? How can cliques be harmful?

3 Purposes of Dating

Mate Selection

Socialization Skills

Recreation

Dating Activity

20 minutes

Split up the boys and the girls

Give them each a paper with two columns

Dating “Do”’s and Dating “Don’t”’s

10 minutes to come up with lists

10 minutes to share

Fun Dating Ideas Bonfires

Bike-riding

Hike the Y

American Fork Canyon Hikes

Have a picnic

Mini golfing

Make dinner

Progressive Dinner

Dollar Movie

Weird utensil dinner

Scavenger hunts

Temple Square

Museum

Tour Christmas Lights around the city

Carve Pumpkins

Make and decorate sugar cookies

Outdoor Movie

Murder Mystery Dinner

Bookstore

Ice-blocking

Board Games

School plays/University Plays

Hide and go seek in Wal-Mart

Batting Cages

Color me Mine

Service Projects

Make a treat and doorbell ditch them

Finger-painting

Frisbee Golf

Play at a playground

Laser light show in Salf Lake

Dollar Store Date

Bowling

Fondue Party

Build a snowman

Water –balloon fight

Side-walk chalk

Personal Dating Stories

5-10 minutes

Mrs. Day’s First Date

Ms. Stephan’s First Prom

Mrs. Day’s Homecoming

Fun Things We’ve Done

Horseback riding

Alpine Slide at Park City

Laser Tag

Starburst Bowling

Make ugly Christmas sweaters

D.I. Date

Thanksgiving Point

Tumbling Gym

5 Love Languages

1. Words of Affirmation

• Giving compliments and encouragement

2. Quality Time

• Not only being with them but giving them all of your attention

3. Receiving Gifts

• Gifts can be visual symbols of love

4. Acts of Service

• Giving simple acts of service like giving them your coat or opening the car door

5. Physical Touch

Love, Lust, and Infatuation

Lust: physical attraction which is interpreted as love.

Infatuation: temporary strong feelings of passion and/or admiration.

So what is love???

“When you love someone, his or her happiness becomes as important, or even more important than your own.”

Love, Lust, and Infatuation

“Perhaps it is no coincidence that the

American divorce peak corresponds perfectly with the normal duration of

infatuation –2-3 years.”

- Helen Fisher, PhD

Setting Limits in Dating

Why is it important to set limits?

Avoid late hours Avoid bedrooms and closed doors Avoid being alone at home Don’t “park” Avoid sexually explicit material Don’t use drugs or alcohol Remember thoughts proceed actions Show true caring and respect for

each other

The Benefits of Abstinence More self respect and more respect for each other

Security that you are not being pursued for sexual reasons

Greater chance of faithfulness in marriage & trust in your partner’s ability to control him/herself with other people

Chance to develop more in-depth relationships

Freedom from pregnancy, consequences of making abortion/adoption decisions, and raising a child while you are still a child yourself.

Freedom from sexually transmitted diseases.

Freedom from emotional injury, uncertainty of your partner’s motive/commitment, feeling sexually used, and scars from past memories.

The consequences of your decisions impact the rest of your life. It allows or restricts future choices and freedoms.

*Why Wait to Date?

Age of First date % of People who had Pre-marital Sexual Relations

12 91%

13 56%

14 53%

15 40%

16 20%

Qualities of an Unhealthy Relationship

Controlling Manipulation Verbal insults Mean language Put downs Physical violence Isolation from family

and friends

-If you find yourself justifying them

Intimidation or threats

Dating Violence

1 in 11 teens report being a victim of physical dating abuse each year

1 in 4 teens report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year

1 in 5 teens report being a victim of emotional abuse

1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or otherwise physically hurt by his or her partner

Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their dating relationships continue to date their abuser

Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up

Almost 70% of young women who have been raped knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or causal acquaintance

Teen dating abuse most often takes place in the home of one of the partners

I have the right to: Be treated with respect always

My own body, thoughts, opinions, and property

Choose and keep my friends

Change my mind-at any time

Not be abused-physically, emotionally, or sexually

Leave a relationship

Say “NO”

Be treated as an equal

Disagree

Live without fear and confusion from my boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s anger

Video Clip Rhiana and Dating Violence (5-

10 min)

Getting HelpTell your parents, friends,

and trusted adults about whets going on

Have fun with good friendsIts okay to be sadNational Domestic Violence

Hotline 800-799-SAFE