TableofContents

TitlePageIntroductionCHAPTERONE-SoManyChangesCHAPTERTWO-SoManyPartsCHAPTERTHREE-MenstruationCHAPTERFOUR-PadsorTampons?

SANITARYPADSorNAPKINSTAMPONSOTHERPRODUCTS

CHAPTERFIVE-IHaveaQuestionAboutThat

WHENCANIEXPECTTOGETMYPERIOD?HOWMUCHBLOODDOILOOSE?WHATDOIDOWHENIGETMYPERIODTHEFIRST

TIME?WHATISAREGULARCYCLE?WHATABOUTCRAMPS?WHATISPMS?WHATKINDOFEXERCISECANIDODURINGMY

PERIOD?ISN’TTHISASMELLYPROBLEM?WHATISADOUCHE?WHATABOUTREMOVINGSTAINSINMYCLOTHES?IDON’TLIKETALKINGABOUTTHISI’LLDIEIFANYONESEESMEBUYINGAPACKAGEOF

PADS

CHAPTERSIX-WhyDoIFeelThisWay?CHAPTERSEVEN-WhatisaPelvicExam?

YOURFIRSTVISITTHEEXAMINTERNALEXAMPAPSMEARYOURHEALTHPARTNERWRITEITDOWN

ConclusionIndexFORTHERECORDPERIOD.AParent’sGuideCopyrightPage

introductionThreewomen,JoAnnGardener-Loulan,BonnieLopez-Worthen,andMarciaQuackenbushwrotethisbookin1979forgirlswhoaregrowingup.Theythoughtitwouldbeimportanttohaveabookexplainingsomeofthechangesallgirlsgothrough.Theytalked about all kinds of things as they wrote this book andincludedmany of the experiences of their friends.What theysaidthen,isstilltruenow.Ourquestionsandourconcernsaremuchthesametoday.Thisisachanceforusalltolearnfromeachother.

CHAPTERONESoManyChanges

Magazines, billboards, television and movies show girls andwomenwhoaretallandslim,havefaceswithnopimples,neverwearglassesandseemtohavenobigproblemsatall.Nottoomany people really are that way, but when we see so manywomenlikethatitcanmakeusfeelthatsomehowourbodyorfaceorhairisjustnotright.We live in a crazy, mixed—up world because many girls andwomen think that everyone else has the longest hair orsmallest feet, nicest smile or prettiest eyes. We were nevercreatedtolookalikeortolooklikesomebodyelse.Whatmostpeople have in common is that we have bodies that can domanywonderfulanddifferentthings,nomatterwhatcolor,sizeorshapeweare.

Wecanwalkorreadorsingortakebubblebaths;wecantastewonderful foods or throw balls or listen to birds chirping ordanceorrunorthinkorlaugh.Sometimesbodiescanmakeusfeelsooooooo.....good!One reason we all have different bodies is because of ourmotherand father.Theyhavepassedsome thingsabout theirbodiesontous,likethecolorofoureyes,skinandhair,orhowtallweare.Youmighthaveyourmother’shaircolorandyourfather’seyes.Sometimeswe thinkwe really can’t be happy unlesswe looklike our favorite movie star or girlfriend or aunt. Beingcomfortablewithyourownbodyisimportant.Learningtoloveyourownspecialnessisabigpartofgrowingup.

Some of us have bodies that are disabled. This means thatsomepartofthebodycan’tbemoved(isparalyzed)ormovesuncontrollably (isspastic).Maybeweareblindordeaf,orwehaveonelegorarmthatdidn’tgrowaslongastheother.Orapart of our body had to be removed (amputated) becausesomethingwaswrongwith it.Lotsofpeoplehavethesekindsofbodiesandit’simportantthatwealllearntoappreciatethewonderfulthingsourbodiescandoforus.Disabledpeoplecandothingsthat“able-bodied”peoplecan’t.“Able-bodied”peoplecan do things disabled people can’t. This doesn’t mean onepersonisbetterthananother,itjustmeansthatwe’redifferent.

Since your birth, your body has been changing and growing.When you get to be ten or twelve or fourteen,more obviouschangesbegintohappen.Youmaybegingettingpimples,andthe hair under your arms and on your legsmay be easier tosee. Some people start to sweat (perspire), and perspirationmay smell different as you grow older. Your hips get bigger,your body actually begins to change shape and your breastsbegintogrow.Andbothbreastsdon’talwaysgrowatthesamerateinthebeginning.Thisisprettycommon.

Ayounggirl’sbody

Amaturingwoman’sbody

Theareaaroundyournipple,calledtheareola (ah-REE-oh-la),becomes a little raised and might change color. You mightbegin growing taller at this age. You will also probably startgrowinghairontheareabelowyourbellybutton,closetoyourlegs.Thisiscalledpubic(PEW-bik)hair.It seems that all of a sudden you are running aroundwith anewbody, and itmay take somegettingused to. Youmaybethe firstone inschool toshowbreastsor the lastonetogainsome weight and start looking older. Maybe your parents oroldersistersandbrotherswill teaseandembarrassyou.Boysor other girls may make fun of your new bra. You may notbelievethis,butfewofusarecomfortablewiththesechanges.

Canyouthinkofthreethingsyoureallylikeaboutyourbody?Doyoulikethecolororsoftnessofyourskin?Howaboutyourlegsorhands?Or smile?You reallyarea specialperson,andthe more you realize that, the better you will feel aboutyourself.

“IWasSureIWasDifferent.”

“IusedtodrivemyselfcrazywhenIwasgrowingupbecauseIhadnowaist.EveryoneIsawatschooloronthe street had tiny waists—everyone but me. So Iwoulddietandnotletmyselfeatthingsthateveryoneelse ate. Do you knowwhat happened? I lost weightandstillhadnowaist!Then I finallycaughton that Ihad a certain body type and nomatter what I ate, Iwouldjustgofrommyribcagetomyhipsinastraightline. I am feeling much better about myself justknowingeveryonehasadifferentbody.”“Iusedtohatethehaironmyupperlip.Myhair is

black, so it’s really noticeable. Then I met a girl atschool who was just like me and I would watch herwhen the kids teased her. It really surprised mebecause it didn’t bother her at all! That’s when Istoppedworrying.”“When I was growing pubic hair, I thought

somethingwaswrongwithmesoIbeganpullingitoutwith tweezers. I realized it was normal when I justcouldn’tpull itout fastenough.But itsurewasscaryatfirst!”

CHAPTERTWOSoManyParts

Someofthechangesyourbodygoesthroughasyougrowolderare easy to see, but others go on inside of your body. Eventhough you don’t usually see these changes, they affect yourlifeandthewayyoufeel.Thereareseveraldiagramsinthisbookwhichwillhelpexplainthings,butrememberthateverywomanisdifferentandnoneof thediagramswill reallybeexactly likeyouoranyoneelse.Theycangiveyouanideaofshapesandwherethingsare.Therearequitea feworgans insideofus.Onewayto lookatthemisbya“crosssection”diagram.Thisisacrosssectionofanapple.Youseethelinesandshapesandseedsoftheinsideoftheapple.

Theinternalorganswearetalkingaboutareorgansthatonlygirlsandwomenhave.The body of a girl is different from that of awoman, but it’shard to say exactlywhen a girl becomes awoman. From thetime we’re born, our bodies start the kinds of changes thisbookisabout.Inayounggirl,internalorgans(organsthatareinsideofus)looksomethinglikethisdiagram.Thisshowsthesizeofatwelve-year-oldgirl’suterus.

Theuterus is an interesting organ. It seems like it should bevery largesinceababymighthavetofit insideof itsomeday.Butitreallyisn’tbigatall.It’saboutthesizeofyourfist.Whenawomanbecomespregnant,theuterusgrowsinsizewiththebaby, and after the baby is born, the uterus becomes smallagain.Thisdiagramisofatwenty-fiveyear-oldwoman.

The vagina is another organ which seems like it should belargerbecauseababyhas to travel through the vaginawhenit’sbeingborn.Butduringbirth, thevaginastretches, then itshrinksbacktonormaljustastheuterusdoes.Thesidesofthevagina, called the vaginal walls, usually lie close together,touching,likeaballoonwithnoairinit.Hereisalistofsomeoftheseorgans,whattheyarecalledandwhywehavethem:

The uterus (YOU-ter-us) is where an egg grows into a babywhenawomanispregnant.The vagina (va-JI-nah) is a passageway that leads from theuterustotheoutsideofthebody.Thevaginalopening (VA-jin-al) is theopening leading intothevagina.Thehymen(HI-men)isathinpieceofskinthatsurroundstheopeningtothevagina.

Thecervix (SER-vix)protectsdelicate tissues in theuterus. Ithasanopeningwhichleadsfromtheuterustothevagina.Theopening of the cervix is only as big around as a piece ofspaghetti.Theovaries(OH-vah-reez)aretheorgansthatholdalltheova(OH-vahortheeggs.Oneeggiscalledanovum(OH-vum).Thecross section shows only one ovary, but in the front viewdiagram,youcanseeboth.Theyholdmanymoreeggsthanareeverneededorused.Whenababygirl isborn,all thoseeggsarealreadyinherlittleovaries.Ovariesaresortofspongyandtheeggsaretuckedawayinlittlepocketsandfolds.Oneeggisonlyasbigasthetipofaneedle.Everysooften,aneggtravelsfromoneovarytotheuterus.Itmovesalongoneofthefallopiantubes(fa-LOH-pee-an).(Thisisexplained more in the next chapter.) Each fallopian tube isabout four inches long and no bigger around than a piece ofthread.Thesetubesarelinedwithverytinylittlehairs.Ifyoulookedattheinsideofonethroughamicroscope,itwouldlooklikesoftvelvet.Theurethra (you-REE-thrah) is theopeningwhereurine(YUR-rin)passesfromthebody.The bladder (BLADder) is where your body holds urine untilyougotothebathroom.The anus (AY-nus) is the opening through which bowelmovementspass.The innerlips are foldsof skin that surround theurethraandvaginalopening.Theouterlipsarepadsofskinthatprotectthevery delicate tissues in this area. When you get older, hairgrows on your outer lips. This adds protection and is calledpubic(PEW-bik)hair.

The clitoris (CLIT-tor-iss) is a small bump of skin. It’s verysensitivebecauseitcontainsmanynerveendings.Becausetheclitoris is so sensitive, there is a cover to protect it. This iscalledtheclitoralhood.Genitals (JEN-a-tulls) refers to the entire area we’ve beentalking about. The inner and outer lips, clitoris, urethra,vaginalopeningandanusmakeupthegenitalarea.Eventhoughsomeofourgenitalsareoutsideofourbodies,wedon’t see them very often. Like most parts of our bodies,genitalschangeaswegetolder,too,butoftenwedon’tnotice.We rarely look at our genitals because they are tucked away.Whenyou’reyoung,itlooksasifyoudon’thaveanyinnerlipsat all. They’re very small.When you’re older, your inner lipsgrowlarger,butexactlyhowmuchtheygrowisdifferentforallofus.Just like one’s smile or the color of one’s hair, everyone’sgenitalsarea littledifferent.So,howeveryouare, is just thewayyouaresupposetobe.Itmighthelptothinkofflowersorseashells—notwoflowerswill ever be quite the same even if they’re the same kind offlower.

CHAPTERTHREEMenstruation

Oneofthethingsthathappenswhenagirlgrowsupisthatshewillbegintomenstruate (MEN-stroo-ate).Whatexactly isthismysteriousthingcalledmenstruation(MEN-stroo-AY-shun)?Atacertaintimeinyourlife,maybewhenyou’reten,ortwelve,or fifteen, the hormones (HORmones) in your body becomeveryactive.Hormonesarechemicalsyourbodymakes.Thesehormones,intheirownspecialway,begintellingyourbodytobealert, payattention, and startdoing things it’sneverdonebefore. There are hundreds andhundreds of thesemessages.In this chapter, only a few will be mentioned. It would beconfusingtotrytokeeptrackofallofthem.Oneofthefirstthingstohappenisthataneggworksitswayoutofoneofyourovaries.(Rememberthatthiseggwillbenolargerthanthepointofaneedle.)Thistinyeggfloatingaroundwants to get from the ovary to the uterus. That seems adifficultthingtodo,especiallysincetheeggdoesn’thaveanywingstoflywithorwheelstorollwith.Buteachfallopiantubehas these teeny tiny little hairs at the end of it, almost likefingers. They swooshback and forth likewaves in the ocean,tryingtohelptheegginsidethetube.Whenthishappens,theeggtravelsallthewaythroughthefallopiantubetotheuterus.

Atthesametimethishappens,youruterusbeginsbuildingupaliningofhealthyfreshtissueandblood.(Youcanpicturewhata“lining”isifyouthinkofwallpaperonthewallsinahouse.)Bythetimetheeggreachestheuterus,theliningoftheuterusis fullandrichandsoft. If theegg isgoingtostay forawhileandbecomeababy, this liningwillmake its stayhealthyandcomfortable.But,mostofthetime,theeggjustvisitsandthenpasses on through. If the egg isn’t staying in the uterus, theuterus doesn’t need all that lining, so the lining,made up ofbloodandtinypiecesoftissue,dribblesout.Itpassesthroughthesmallopening in thecervix,downthroughthevaginaandoutthevaginalopening.Aboutamonthaftertheeggpopsoutofoneoftheovaries,anothereggdoesthesameandthewholecyclestartsagain.Thisiswhatmenstruationisallabout.

It seems like all this shouldn’t take very long becauseeverything is so busy. Actually, though, the whole menstrualcycle takes about a month. The part where your uterus isdribblingbloodandliningmaylastanywherefromtwotoeightdays. It’s different for every girl and woman. Once you’vestarted your menstrual cycle, the monthly dribbling of bloodwill probably keep happening until you’re forty or fifty. Thenthosehormoneswillsenddifferentmessagesaroundandyourbody will stop menstruating. That time in a woman’s life iscalledmenopause(MEN-o-pause).Somethingelsethathappenstomanygirlsisthatanotherkindof fluid comes out of their vagina before they get their firstperiod. This is called a vaginal discharge. You will probablynoticethisonyourunderpants.Thereisusuallynotverymuchof it. Itmightbeclear, thinandwater like. Itmightbestickyandyellowormilky-white.Thisfluidormucous(MU-cuss)mayhaveafaintodor,ornoodoratall.Thisisnormalandhealthy.Youmightnoticethishappeningmorethanoncebeforeyougetyourperiodand itmayoccur justbeforeeachcycleafteryoubegingettingyourperiod.If thevaginaldischarge isadarkcolor (brownorgreen),and

thesmell isverystrong,oryouitchorburninyourvaginaoraroundyourouterlips,youshouldtalktoagrown-upandseeadoctor.Youmayjusthaveaslightinfection.

CHAPTERFOUR

PadsorTampons?

Untiltheearly1900’s,girlsandwomenplacedfoldedpiecesof

cloth inside their underpants to catch their menstrual blood.Todaywehavesomanymenstrualproductstochoosefromthatit’salmosthardtodecidewhichisbesttouse.Itwillbeeasiertochooseaproductwhenyouknowwhateachislikeandhowitisused.The general term for these products is feminine hygiene(HI-gene)or femininecareproducts.Therearetwomaintypesofproducts:sanitarypadsornapkinswhichcollectthemenstrualflowoutside your body, and tamponswhich absorbmenstrualflowinsideyourbody.

SANITARYPADSorNAPKINS

Thesanitarypad,firstdevelopedinthe1920’s,comesinmanydifferent sizes and shapes. Pads are made of an absorbentmaterial with a bottom, wet-proof shield to keep yourmenstrualflowfromstainingyourpantsandclothes.Itusedtobethatpadswereheldinplacewithasmallelasticbeltcalledasanitarybelt.Thebeltlookedlikethis:

Thepadwasfastenedtoitlikehis:

It is possible that your mother used a sanitary belt. It iscertainlytruethatyourgrandmotherdid.Askthem.Today pads aremade to be worn without belts. They have astickystripthatkeepstheminplaceonyourunderpants.Oneside of a pad faces toward your body and one toward yourunderpants. You remove a strip of paper that exposes theadhesiveandyoustickthattoyourunderwear.Whenit’stimetoreplaceit,thepadpullsoffeasily.

Pads come inmany thicknesses and styles so you can choosestylesortypesthatarecomfortableforyouandyourmenstrualflow. Thicker andmore absorbent ones (the names vary frommaxi tosuperabsorbent)areoftenused fordayone, twoandthreeofyourperiod.Switchingtoathinnerstyle(pantyshieldsor liners) on the last days as your flow is ending is common.Somestylescomewith“wingsideflaps”topreventleakageontoyourclothes.Thenext time you are in a grocery store or drug store, startcheckingoutatthevariouspackages.Youwillbegintogetanideaofwhatyoumightliketouse.Pickupadifferentpackageeachtimeyouarethereandreadwhatisonthepackage.Evenifyoudon’thaveyourperiodyet,butsomeofyourfriendsdo,youwillunderstandwhattheyaretalkingabout.It’struethatformostgirls,apadfeelsfunnyatfirst.Butpadsfitclosetoyourbodyandreallydon’tshow.Ifalargepadisn’tcomfortable,tryasmallersize.(Positioningthepadinthebestspotforyouwilltakeabitofexperimentingbutyou’llgetthehangofitwithpractice.)

“ThefirsttimeIworeapad,itfeltsohugeandbulky.Iwassure everyone could tell I was having my period. I wassurprised when I looked in the mirror and saw that the paddidn’tshowatall.”Padsshouldbechangedatleasttwiceaday,moreoftenwhenyourmenstrualflowisheavy.NOPADSAREFLUSHABLEbuttheyneedtobedisposedofinawaythatiscomfortableforyouanddoesn’tgrossoutanyoneelse.Themostcommonwaytodothis is to fold it inhalfandwrap it with extra toilet paper and then put it in a wastebasket. In public bathrooms you will always see a small,coveredwastecontainerineachbathroomstallforthatreason.

You might want to try on a pad before you ever start yourperiod.Thisway,youcanfindouthowtoputoneonandwhatit’sliketowearone.Itmightbeuncomfortableorawkwardatfirst, butplanningaheadmay clearup confusionsnow ratherthanonthefirstdayofyourperiod.Experiment. If you wear a pad that feels very bulky anduncomfortable, try a mini-pad. They’re smaller and might bebetterforyou.Youdecidewhat’sbestforyourbody.

TAMPONS

Tampons are another product used to catch menstrual bloodbeforeitleavesyourbody.Theydon’tstopthemenstrualflow.Theyabsorbit.Theyaremadeofsoftmaterialpressedtogetherintothiskindofshape:

Thereisastringattheendofthetampon.Tamponsfit insidethe vagina and the string hangs down through the vaginalopening.Whenyouwant toremovea tampon,youpullgentlyonthestringanditcomesrightout.Tampons, like pads, come in different sizes. There are junior(small), regular (medium), super (large) and extra large(superplus) sizes. The first time you try a tampon, a smallersize(slenderorjunior)willprobablybetheeasiest.Atamponwitharoundedapplicatortipisagoodonetouseatfirst.Sometamponscomewithanapplicatorwhichhelpsguidethe

tamponintothevagina.It’sthrownawaywhenthetampon’sinplace.Therearecardboard,plasticandstickapplicators.Some tampons don’t have any applicator. You just use yourfinger to guide the tampon into your vagina. A good habit togetintoistowashyourhandsbeforeinsertinganewtampon.Ofcourse,youwillwashyourhandsafterwardswhetherusingatamponorapad.And,yes,virginsorgirlswhohaven’thadsexcanusetampons.Ifatamponisputintherightway,youprobablywon’tbeabletofeelitatall,butthefirsttimemaybeconfusing.

Everyone feels awkward learning to use a tampon. There aredirectionsincludedineveryboxoftampons.Besureyoureadthem carefully if you’re not sure how. You can also talkwithyour mother or with a friend who has used tampons before.(The main trick is to aim toward the bottom of your spine

ratherthanuptowardsyourbellybutton.)Ifyoudousetampons,itisimportanttochangethematleastfour times aday (every four to six hours). Youmightwant tousetamponsduringthedayandapadwhileyousleep.Someprefertodojusttheopposite.Some girls are afraid they might lose a tampon inside theirvagina. A tampon really can’t get lost inside of you—there’snowhereforittogo.Theopeningtotheuterusistoosmallforatampontogetthroughandthemusclesofthevaginakeepitfromfallingout.Butonoccasion,somehaveforgottentotakeoutthelasttampon.Besureyouremembertoremoveyourlastoneattheendofyourperiod.

Mostgirlsusepadswhenthey firstbegintheirperiods.Lateryoumightwanttotrytampons.Themostimportantthingisforyoutobecomfortablewithyourchoice.Eachgirlwillfindtheproductthatsuitsherbest.Most tampons and their applicators can be flushed down thetoilet. If the applicator is not biodegradable (plastic, forinstance) or if you know that the toilet you are using has“flushing”problems,thenyouneedtotaketheuseditem,wrapitupintoiletpaperortissuesandthrowitaway.Everytampon

packagewilltellyouiftheapplicatorisflushableornot.Tampons do not have to be changed every time you use thetoiletbutsomewomendoitmoreoftenthannot.ThereisararediseasecalledToxicShockSyndrome(TSS).Notverymanypeoplehaveevergottenthisdisease.Thesymptomslook like a very bad flu and it comes on very fast. But mostwomenandgirlswhohavehadTSSgotitbecausetheydidnotchange their tampons often enough. To make sure you stayhealthy, change your tampons every four to six hours. If youhavetogotoadoctorwithaverybadfluwhenyouhaveyourperiod and you are using tampons, let your doctor know youareusingonesoyoucanbecheckedforTSS.Girlsandwomenusingmenstrualpadsduring theirperiods insteadof tamponsdonotneedtoworryaboutthisdisease.

OTHERPRODUCTS

Thereareotherproductsthatsomewomenusebesidespadsor tampons that they feel are better for the environment orbetter fortheirbodies.Theseare items likewashablepadsorprotection/collection cups. After your period has becomeregular and you are comfortable using pads or tampons, youmaywish to learn about and try one of thesemethods.Mostpeople are happy using pads and tampons and, because theyare available everywhere, you should know how to use themfirst.If you are ever caught without pads or tampons when yourperiodbegins,rememberthatyoucanrolltoiletpaperaroundfingers 2-5 several times andmake your own temporary pad.Evenfoldedpapertowelsorastackofpapernapkinswrappedintoiletpapercanworkinanemergency.Ifyouareinschoolandyouhavenothingwithyou,justgovisit

theschoolnurse.Theywillhavesuppliesavailableforyou.“OnceIstartedmyperiodverylateSundaynightandIdidn’t

haveanypadsortampons.Igotacleanwashclothandfoldeditso it would comfortably fit me, and used it like a pad. I justrinsed it out in cold water the next morning. It worked verywell.”

CHAPTERFIVE

IHaveaQuestionAboutThat

Menstruation isabigevent inour lives.Howwefeelabout itdepends on what our mothers, friends, older sisters,grandmothers or aunts have said. If no one talks aboutmenstruation,itcanbeverypuzzling.Bodiesgothroughmanychanges,especiallyduringtheteens,and it can help to know what to expect. It’s normal to havequestionsaboutmenstruation.Manygirlswonderhowoldtheywill bewhen they begin their periods or how theywill knowtheyhavestartedmenstruating.Beginning tomenstruate is a unique experience. No one cansayexactlywhatit’sgoingtobelikeforyou,butthemoreyouknowaboutmenstruation,theeasieritwillbe.Menstruationisasnormalandnaturalforgirlsandwomenaseating or sleeping. It’s a sign that we’re changing and ithappens at different times for all of us. Some girls begin tomenstruate when they are quite young—maybe nine or tenyears old. Others don’t begin until they are sixteen orseventeen.

WHENCANIEXPECTTOGETMYPERIOD?

Because everyone’s body is different, menstruation starts atdifferent times. Most girls begin menstruating by twelve orthirteenbutyoumaystartasearlyasnineortenoraslateasfifteenorsixteen.It’snotbettertobeginmenstruatingatone

age or another. It doesn’tmean you’remoregrownup if youstart your periods at age ten, or immature if you start ateighteen.Usuallyyourbodyknowsjusttheperfecttimeforyoutobeginmenstruating.

HOWMUCHBLOODDOILOOSE?

Theamountofbloodvariesfromgirl togirl,especiallyduringthefirstcoupleyearsofmenstruation.Agirlmayloseaslittleas one tablespoon of blood or up to six tablespoons in eachcycle.Yourblooddoesn’tcomeoutallatonce.Itdribblesanddrips out, andamenstrual periodmay last from two to eightdays.Eventhoughyoudon’t loosea lotofblood, itmayseemthatwaytoyou.Thebloodmayberedoritmaylookbrownish.Some girls lose more blood on the first day and less on the

following days. Some bleed more on the second day. Someblood may come out in small clumps too. That is nothing toworryabout.Thewayeachgirlmenstruatesisdifferent.

WHATDOIDOWHENIGETMYPERIODTHEFIRSTTIME?

Youwillprobablydiscover thiswhenyougo to thebathroom.Or youmay feelwet between your legs in a different kindofway.If you discover this while you are at school, here are somesuggestions:Thefirstthingyou’llwanttodoisexcuseyourself fromclass.Letyourteacherknowitisimportantthatyouleavetheroom.If you carry a purse and happen to have a pad with you,everything should be fine. You have probably practicedbeforehandandwillalreadyknowhowtouseit.

If you don’t have a pad with you, your school might have amachineinthegirl’sbathroomthatsellsthem.Checkonwhattheycostsothatyoualwayshavethatamountofchangewithyou. But,what if your school doesn’t have amachine, or themachineisempty?Usually,thenurse’sofficewillhavesanitarypads available for situations like this, so try there next. Orcheckwithagirlfriendwhomighthaveanextra.Youcanalsokeepsomeinyourlocker.If only a little blood has gotten on your underpants, you canprobablywaituntilyougethometowashthemout.Rolltoilet

paper around your fingers to “create” a temporarypador dothe samewith some paper towels. Tying a sweater or jacketaroundyourwaistcanhideanyotherstains.If you get your first period at home, it will still be a bigsurprise. You might wake up in the morning with it or justdiscover it in a routine trip to the bathroom. Do you knowwhere yourmother’s or sister’s supplies are? Are there padsavailableaswellastampons?Itisperfectlyfinetocalloutandaskforhelp.Yourfirstperiodwillprobablybeshortandnottooheavy.Once you have started menstruating, you will have a betteridea of when your periodwill begin eachmonth. You can beprepared by carrying a padwith you, but if your period eversurprisesyou,thefewstepsjustmentionedshouldhelpout.Youwillalsodiscovergoodways tobeprivateaboutcarryingaroundapador tamponwhenyouareexpectingyourperiod.Pockets in sweaters or pants become important. Smallcontainerslikeaneyeglasscaseorasmalldrawstringbagmayworkbestforyou.

WHATISAREGULARCYCLE?

Your body goes throughmany changes, especially during theteenswhenyoubegintomenstruate.Youwillfinditmaytakeseveralyearsforyourcycletobalanceoutandgetusedtothisnewprocessgoingoninsideofyou.Thismeansyoumightmissaperiodforonemonthorevenforsixmonthsinthebeginning.Youmayhaveheavybleedingonemonthandthenhardlyanyatallthenext.Inafewyearsyourbodywillgetintoarhythmandyour period should come somewhere between every 26 to 32days, or approximately once a month. Many books say thatwomen’smenstrualcyclescomeevery28days,butthisisjust

anaverageandnotthe“right”lengthoftime.

Agoodwaytokeeptrackofyourperiodisbymarkingthedaysyoumenstruateonacalendar.(Seepage74-75.)Youwillgetanidea of how long you menstruate as well as how many daysthere are between periods. Menstrual cycles are measuredfrom the day one period begins to the day the next periodbegins.Onceyou’vestartedmenstruating,ifitseemsthatyourcycle isn’t regular after two years, you may want to tellsomebody (yourmotheror someoneelseyou feel comfortablewith),andseeadoctor.Even when your cycle becomes regular, most women noticeovertheyearsthathowtheirperiodfeelstothemchangesasdoesthenatureoftheirmenstrualflowaswellashowtheyfeelaboutgettingtheirperiodchanges,too.

WHATABOUTCRAMPS?

Girlsandwomenmaygetcrampsor stomachpainwhen theymenstruate. Cramps can hurt. Some have uncomfortablecrampswhileothershardlyfeelanydifferenceatallwhentheymenstruate. Cramps happen when your uterus, which is amuscle,contracts,similartothewaythemuscles inyourarmwilltightenup(orcontract)whenyoumakeafist.Ifyoudogetcramps,thereareseveralthingsyoucandothatmighthelp.

•Warmthcausesmusclestorelaxandcanhelpease

cramps.Ahotwaterbottleorheatingpadonyourstomachmayhelp.(Butremember,hotwaterbottlesandheatingpadscancauseburnsifthey’reusedfortoolongorthey’retoohot.Checkitwithsomeoneelsebeforeusingonetomakesureyouknowhowtouseitcorrectly.)Awarmbathmayhelptoo.

•Non-prescriptionpainkillers(suchasaspirinanditsotherforms)canbehelpful.Checkwithanadultfirstanddiscusswhatdosagetotake.Ifyoufindthattheseover-the-counterproductsworkforyou,youmayevenwanttostarttakingthembeforeyoustartgettingcrampsandcontinuewiththemedicationeverysixtoeighthoursforatleasttwodays.PainstudiesshowthatstartingpainreliefBEFOREthediscomfortbeginscanbemoreeffectivethanwaitinguntilyou“need”it.

•Sometimesjustrubbingormassagingyourstomachcanmakeyoufeelbetter.Youmighttrylyingonyourbackwithyourkneesup.Moveyourkneesinasmallcircle.Thisisakindofmassage,too.

•Exercisethatyougenerallydocankeepbloodflowingandmaysooneaseanydiscomfort.

•Takingaslowwalkmayhelpyourcrampsgoaway.

•Orjusttrycrouchingdowninthisposition.Itfeelsgoodbecauseyouruterusishangingdown,whichhelpsitrelax.

•Drinkingsomethinghotliketeaorhotchocolatemaymakeyoufeelbetter.

•Eatinglightlybeforeyourperiodmayhelp.Thisisbecauseyourintestinesarepackedintoyourbodyveryclosetoyouruterus.If

you’veeatenafood,yourlargeintestinesgetfilledupandtakemoreroom.Youruterusgetsswollenduringthefirstdayortwoorthreeofyourperiod,soittakesupmoreroominthebody.Byeatinglightly,youmakemoreroomforyouruterusanditislesslikelytocramp.Tryitoutsometimeifyouarehavingalotofcramping.

•Whiningtoothersmaymakeyoufeelbetter—butprobablynot.

WHATISPMS?

PMS stands for pre-menstrual syndrome. As you hormonesprepare your uterus to shed its lining, those same hormonescanaffectyouremotionallife,makingyoufeelmoresensitive,maybesador justgrumpy.SomewomenaremoreaffectedbyPMSthanothers.

WHATKINDOFEXERCISECANIDODURINGMYPERIOD?

Whenyoumenstruate,youshoulddowhatfeelsrightforyou.Someofuscandoanythingwewantwhenwe’remenstruating.Someofuscan’t.Sincewe’reallsodifferent,wehavetodecidewhat’s best for our own bodies. After all, no one knows yourbodybetterthanyoudo.Somepeoplesaythatitisn’tagoodideatogoswimmingwhenyou are menstruating. Swimming isn’t harmful at all. Coolwatermaymake you stop bleeding for awhile and hot water(like a hot bath) may make you bleed a little more heavily.Swimmingisokayifyoufeellikeit.Wearing a tampon is the only choice if swimming. It is notappropriatetogointhewaterunlessyouarewearingatamponforsanitaryreasons.

Remember,whatever you do during your period,whether it’splayingbasketball,readingabookorswimming,reallydependsonhowyou feel.There’snorightorwrongas longasyoudowhat’scomfortableforyourbody.

ISN’TTHISASMELLYPROBLEM?

Youmayhaveheardthatwhenyouhaveyourperiod,youhavean odor about you that other people can smell. Because heatand air and odors float upwards,we’re usually the only oneswhocansmellourownmenstrualblood(ifwesmell itatall).

Actually yourmenstrual flow has no odor until it comes intocontactwithair.You may think you’re smelly and bothering everyone whocomes within two feet of you, but that’s because you’re soawareofyourself—notbecauseyousmell.Aslongasyouwashyourgenitalareawithsoapandwaterasusual (ormoreoften if youwant to), andchangeyourpadortamponwhennecessary,youprobablywon’thaveanyproblemswithodor. (Whendryingoffwitha towel,youmightprefer todry the area between your legswith toilet paper rather thanyourtowel.)

WHATISADOUCHE?

You may see ads in magazines about vaginal sprays anddouches (DOOSH -es). Adouche (DOOSH) is a liquid used towashthevagina.Vaginalspraysaresupposedtohelpkeepyou“clean and fresh” but it’s been found that, formany women,spraysactuallycause infectionsor rashes.Yourvaginacleansitself naturally (like your eyes). The only reason for using adoucheisifyouhaveamedicalproblemandadoctorornursepractitionersuggestsyoudouche.

WHATABOUTREMOVINGSTAINSINMYCLOTHES?

During your period, you might get some blood on yourunderpants.This is very common.Withblood stains,usecoldwatertorinseclothesfirst.Itworksreallywell.Thenplainoldsoapandwatershouldgetthemclean.Anotherexcellentliquidforreleasingbloodstainsishydrogenperoxide poured on the stain area. Then rinse and wash asusual.Youcouldusebleachasalastresort,especiallywitholdstains.If you know you tend to leak on heavy days, that’s a goodreasontowearjeansordarkcoloredskirtsonthosedays.

IDON’TLIKETALKINGABOUTTHIS

Sometimes getting our period makes us proud, sometimesembarrassed. Girls who get it before their other friends areembarrassed. Girls who are last to get their period areembarrassed.Youarenotthefirstonetofeellikethis.Actually,wehaveallfeltlikethis.Thisisnormal.

Itmightbe interesting foryou to findoutsimilarexperiencesyour mother or friends had when they began menstruating.Sometimesit’scomfortingtotalktosomeonewhensomethingnewishappeningtoyouandyoufeellikeyou’retheonlyoneinthe whole world who is different. The same goes formenstruation—themore we talk to people, themore we findoutthatourexperiences,feelingsandthoughtscanbesimilar.

I’LLDIEIFANYONESEESMEBUYINGAPACKAGEOFPADS

Inthebeginninggoing intoastoretobuypadsortampons isawkward or embarrassing. It feels like everyone is watchingyou, especially the boys. But, like anything we do again andagain, it’s not such a big deal after awhile. It is a sign toanyoneofyourgrowingupandthat isnothingtobeashamedof.

HOWOTHERSHAVEFELT

“Igrewupinasmalltown,soIkneweveryonewho

workedatthedrugstore.Itwasawfulformetohavetobuy pads from people I knew so I al ways askedmymothertobuythemforme.”“When I began menstruating, my mother told my

older brothers, my father, and even the neighbors!Even now I feel sort of embarrassed when Imenstruate.”“When Ihadcrampsoneday, several ofmy friends

thought IwasactingsillybecauseIdidn’twant togo

get some ice cream with them. They made me feelembarrassedonlybecauseIwastryingtotakecareofmyself.Nowthat I thinkabout it, Iwassilly,butonlyforlettingthemmakemefeelembarrassed.”“Forme,havingmyperiodwasneveranybigdeal.

I’ve never had bad cramps andmenstruation doesn’tslow me down a bit. I still run and work and doeverything I always do. If anything, I guess I have alittle more energy during my period than at othertimes.”“I used to hate itwhen I gotmyperiod.But now I

think of menstruation as my body telling me thateverything inside of me is working and that I’mhealthy.”

CHAPTERSIXWhyDoIFeelThisWay?

As we grow older, we are able to see many changes in ourbodiesandsometimesourfeelingsandemotionsarechanging,too. It’s natural to have new ideas and feelings at differenttimes in our lives, but because you can’t see or touch them,emotionscanbeconfusing.You may find when you start menstruating that your periodaffects theway you feel. Therearedifferent kindsof feelingsgirlsandwomenmayhaveand, likesomanyotherthings,notwopeoplefeelexactlythesame.We talked to a lot of women and girls who menstruate andasked them how they feel just before, during or after theirperiods,andhere’swhatsomeofthemsaid:

“I always love to take walks in thewoods or along thebeach, especiallywhenI’monmyperiod.”

—Jennifer

“Usually, I don’t mind spending aneveningalone, but around the time Imenstruate, I feel very lonely ifpeoplearen’talwaysaroundme.”

—Lyn

“I like to take care of myself a lotwhen I’m having my period. I dressuporbuyanewscarforsomething.”

—Amy

“Oh,Ialwaysfeelsouglyatthattimeofthemonth.MyfaceusuallybreaksoutandIdon’tlikethatatall.”

—Lisa

“I seem to have so little energy thefirstdayofmyperiod.”

—Emily

“IhavemoreenergythaneveraboutthetimeIstartmyperiod.”

—Dolores

“I can get somad sometimes aboutsuch little things. Right around thetimeImenstruate,mytemperisveryshort.”

—Yvette

“Sometimes I feel like no oneunderstands anything I’m trying tosay.”

—Gloria

“If Ihavetime,Ialways lovetobakebreadwhenI’mhavingmyperiod.”

—Esther

“I write better poems when I’mmenstruating.”

—Roxanne

“Seems like I spend a lot of timethinking about serious things,especiallywhenI’mmenstruating.”

—Toni

“When I’m having my period, I feellike I’m just one part of this bigexciting world. My menstrual cyclemakesmefeellikepartoftheworld’scycles—seasons, day and night. It’snice.”

—Carol

“Igethungry forcertain foodsadayortwobeforemyperiod.I’llgetarealcraving for scrambled eggs orstrawberries and I’ll raid therefrigeratorlateatnight.”

—Laura

There’s no oneway youhave to feel or are supposed to feelwhen you’re menstruating. Your period might not make youfeel any different at all. Once again, part of what’s sowonderfulaboutus is thatweareall sodifferentaboutmanythings.

CHAPTERSEVEN

WhatisaPelvicExam?

A pelvic (PELL-vick) exam is an exam where a doctor oranothermedical worker checks the female organs inside andoutsideourbodies. It issometimescalledan internalexam.Anursepractitioner,yourregulardoctororagynecologistcandothis exam. A gynecologist (GUY-nuh-KOL-oh-jist) is a doctorspeciallytrainedtotakecareofthesefemaleparts.Itisagoodideatohaveapelvicexamwhenyouturn18orifyouhavebecomesexuallyactive,whichevercomes first. Justlike regularvisits to thedentist,havingapelvicexam is veryimportant. By the time you are an adult woman, you shouldhaveapelvicexameveryyear.Itisalwaysbetterforyourbodyto be checked regularly instead of waiting until you’re sick.Regularcheck-upscanpreventsickness,andthat’simportant!Now you may only be seeing your regular doctor or nursepractitioner every other year. Let him or her know that youhavestartedyourperiod.ThiswillNOTbeareasontohaveapelvicexam,however.If you are havingmenstrual problems, then your doctor maywantyou tohaveapelvicexamtobesure there isnoreasonfor concern.Whatare consideredmenstrualproblems? If anyof these are common for you after a year or two ofmenstruating,tellyourdoctor:

•Youstopgettingyourperiod,oritonlyhappensnowandthen.

•You’rehavingincredibly,difficultcramps.•Youaremenstruatingeveryweekortwoandyourflowis

veryheavy.Heavymeanssoakingaregularormaxipadinanhourortwo.

YOURFIRSTVISIT

Your first pelvic examdoesn’t have to be a scary experience,especiallyifyouknowwhatisgoingonbeforeithappens.Whenyoucallforanappointment,itisokaytoaskforawomandoctororhealthprofessional, if that is important to you.Andletthemknowthatthisisyourfirstpelvicexam.At the doctor’s office or clinic, youwill be asked to fill out amedicalhistory.Forinstance,adoctorwillwanttoknowwhatdiseases you or your family have had, the length of yourmenstrual period and the date of your last period. Youmightwanttoremindthenurseordoctoragainthatthiswillbeyourfirstpelvicexam.If yourmotheroragirlfriendcangowithyou, itmightmake

youfeelbetter.Ifyou’dliketohavehergointotheexamroomwithyou,callaheadtomakesureit’sokaywithyourdoctor.Attheveryleastyoucanasktohaveahealthprofessionalwomanintheexamroomwithyou.Thedoctorwillprobablysayit’sallright,butifnot,andifit’simportanttoyou,youmightwanttofindanotherdoctor.

Youwillbeaskedtocomeintoanexamroom.Makesureyougotothebathroombeforeyourexam.Thiswillmaketheexammorecomfortable foryou.Once in the room,anursewillaskyoutoundressandgiveyouapaperdresstoputon.Youwillbe

givenapapersheetalsoforextracoverage.The nurse can explain to you how to put the dress on.Remember that no one looks good in these. They are usedbecausetheyaredisposable—notfashionable.

THEEXAM

After the doctor comes in the room and talks with you(everythingdiscussedbetweenthetwoofyouisalwaysprivateinformationthatwillnotbesharedunlessitislifethreatening),youwillprobablybeaskedtositorliedownontheexaminingtable.Thedoctorwill firstexamineyourbreasts.This isdoneby gently pressing all around your breasts. You are beingchecked for any abnormal lumps or breast tissues thatmightbesignsofdisease.Youmaybeshownhowtodoabreastexamyourself.Ifnot,askhowtodoit.You’llneedtobeabletocheckyourbreastseachmonthonyourown.

Afteryourbreasts,yourstomacharea(yourabdomen)will bechecked.

INTERNALEXAM

Next, your genitals and internal organs will be checked. Youwillbeaskedtoliedownandputyourfeetonsomethingcalled“stirrups.”Onekindismadesoyourfeetrestonthem.Anotherkind of stirrups is made so the backs of your knees rest onthem.Yourkneesand legswill be spreadopen so thegenitalareaiseasiertosee.Formanygirlsandwomen,thisisthemostembarrassingpartoftheexam.We’rejustnotusedtoshowingaverydelicateandprivatepart of ourselves, especially to strangers.Thispart of

theexammightbeeasierforyouifyougotoawomandoctororanursepractitioner.Butdon’tforget,whetherit’sawomanoraman,yourdoctorhasdonethisthousandsoftimes.Itmaybenewtoyou,butheorsheisusedtoitandisonlyconcernedwithyourhealth.

PAPSMEAR

The doctorwill first look at your outside genitals to see thateverything is healthy. Then your internal organs will bechecked.Todothis,adoctorwilluseaspeculum(SPECK-you-lum).Aspeculumiseithermetalorplastic.It isgently inserted intoyourvaginatoholdthevaginalwallsapartsothedoctorcanseeinside.Youwillfeelthepressure.Itmaybeabituncomfortablebutitshouldnotbepainful.Taking

aslow,deep,in-and-outbreathatthispointcanhelpyourelaxwhich,inturn,willhelpyourvaginalmusclesrelax,makingthewholeprocesseasier.ThensomethingcalledaPapsmearistaken.Acottonswabisgentlytouchedinyourcervicalopeningthroughthespeculumtocollectsomeofyourcervicaltissuecells.Youprobablywon’tfeelthisatall.Thesecellsareputonaglassslideandsenttoalaboratory.ThePapsmearisachecktomakesurethecellsinyour cervix are growing normally. Then the speculumwill beremoved.Next,thedoctor,wearingapairofthinrubbergloves,appliesaspecial slippery gel to his or her fingers. One finger will beinserted intoyourvaginaand theotherhandwillpressdownon your stomach. This is the best way to see if your uterus,cervix,ovariesandfallopiantubesfeelnormalandhealthy.Thiswholeexamwillnottakemorethanfiveminutes.

YOURHEALTHPARTNER

Themostimportantthingtorememberaboutgynecologyistohave anything that seems unusual checked out. If you havebeen feeling anything different around your genitals, like

burning or itching or seeing a new kind of discharge (fluidwhichcomesfromyourvagina),tellyourgynecologist.If yourbreastshurtoryouhaveany lumps in them,askyourdoctoraboutit.Oftenwhenagirl’sbreastsaregrowing,thereis some tenderness, but a doctor will be able to make sureeverythingisallright.Themore you tell your doctor, the better andmore completeexamheorshewillbeabletogiveyou.Thebetteryourexamis, the healthier youwill be and, after all, that’swhatwe allwantfromourpelvicexams.

WRITEITDOWN

If you have any questions, ask them during your exam. Youmightevenwanttomakealisttotakeintotheroomwithyouso you don’t forget anything. Doctors sometimes don’t givemuch information unless you ask. They’ve done this somanytimes before and don’t realize that you might not know all

about it yourself.But remember, it’s yourbody, and youhaveeveryrighttolearnasmuchasyouwantaboutit.If you are not comfortable asking questions or you don’t feelyourdoctorisreallylisteningtoyou,youmaywanttochangedoctorsforyournextexam.

Conclusion

Well,hereweareattheendofthisbook.Wehopeyouenjoyedlooking at the pictures and that it answered many of yourquestions. There are two important things we’d like you toremember.Oneisthatnotwopeopleareeverquitethesame.Theotheristhatwewantyoutoaskquestionsandgetanswerstothethingsaboutyourlifethatyoudon’tunderstand.After reading this book, you know more about menstruationthanweknewwhenwewerenineortenyearsold.Welearneda lot aboutmenstruation justwriting the book, andwhenwetalked with some of our friends (both young girls and olderwomen)we found that often they didn’t know about some ofthese things, either. We hope that knowing how your bodyworksmakesgrowingupandgoingthroughallthesechangeseasier.

Goodluck!

AboutThisBook

ThefirsteditionofPeriod.waswrittenmanyyearsagoandwasthe first book available in bookstores on this topic for younggirls.Ithassoldhundredsofthousandsofcopiesandnowhasbeen updated and revised for the next generation of youngwomenwho still havemany of the same questions that theirmothershadwhentheyreadthisbook.

AbouttheOriginalAuthors

JoAnn (Gardner-)Loulan has been in private practice as apsychotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is amother,authorandlecturer.Sheauthoredbooks,chaptersforanthologiesandarticlesontopicsofsexualityandself-esteem.HerlecturinghastakenherallovertheU.S.,CanadaandpartsofEurope.Hermotheringhastakenhereverywhere.Bonnie (Lopez)Worthen previously worked as a facilitator inwomen’s sexuality groups. Now she and her husband spendmostoftheirtimelivingandtravelinginEuropeandAsiawhileworkingonseveralnewwritingprojects.Sheisthemotheroftwoadultchildren,asonandadaughter.Marcia Quackenbush, a licensed Marriage, Family & ChildCounselor,hasbeenactive inHIVandAIDSworksince1984.She continues writing on health issues of importance tofamilies.

Index

A

able-bodiedadhesiveanusapplicator

B

bathroomsbeginmenstruatingbladderbleachbuypads

C

calendarcervixchangesclitoriscrampscrosssectioncycle

D

disableddouche

E

egg(s)embarassedexamroomexerciseeyeglasscase

F

fallopiantubesfemininehygiene

G

genitalsgynecologistgynecology

H

heatingpadhormoneshydrogenperoxidehygienehymen

I

internalexaminternalorgan

M

medicalhistorymenopausemenstrualproblemsmenstruationmucous

N

napkins

O

odorovariesovum

P

padstylespadspainreliefPapsmearpaperdresspelvicexamPMSpocketsproductsprotection/collectioncupspubichair

Q

questions

S

sanitarybeltschoolsexuallyactivesizeorshapesspeculumstainsstirrupsswimming

T

tamponstoiletpaperToxicShockSyndrome(TSS)

U

urethrauterus

V

vaginavaginaldischargevaginalopening

W

washablepadswomandoctor

Thisisyourpage.Useitasyourrecordkeeper.Leaveitinthebookortearitout.

FORTHERECORD

If you use this calendar (or a photocopy of it) for severalmonths,you’llseehowyourcycleisworkingforyou.Justmark

a‘P’onyourperioddays.

Onceyou’vetrackedyourperiodsforawhile,youcanmovetojust marking ‘P’ on your daily school or family calendar soyou’llknowwhenyourlastperiodstarted.

PERIOD.

TalkingWithYourChildren

TALKINGABOUTMENSTRUATIONWITHYOURCHILDREN

Topics concerning our bodies and their development,pregnancyandconception,menstruationandgrowingupareaconstantsourceofinterestandlearningforourchildren.Theywant to know about the nitty-gritty aspects of bodilydevelopment:smells,fluids,“badwords,”whatatamponfeelslikeinyourvagina,whethermenstruationhurts.Theygiggleormakefaces—“Oh,yuck!”—buttheylovetoknowtheanswers.Childrenalsolearnthingsinstages,sometimesinverysmall

steps. They remember information they use regularly andforgetthingsthatdon’tseemasimportant.Thisiswhysomanyparentswhofeeltheyhavealreadythoroughlycoveredcertaintopics find basic questions coming up over and over again.Talking with our children about “growing up” is somethingparentscandofortheirchildrenthroughouttheirlives.Itwillneverbecoveredinoneortwowell-timeddiscussions.Thisisamatterwecanbringintoourchildren’slivesonaregularbasis.

WHOBEGINS?

Childrenbenefit fromhearingaboutgrowingup frommanydifferent adults. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts anduncles, good family friends—all may have something tocontribute to a child’s understanding. Each family will bedifferentinhowtheygoaboutsharingthisinformation.

WHAT’STHERIGHTAGETOSHAREINFORMATION?

The best time is obviously BEFORE menses starts. Thesurprisearrivalofvaginalbleedingisscaryfortheunprepared.Studiesalsoshowthatpubertyisbeginningearlierandearliereachdecade.Today,girlsusuallygothroughpubertybetweentheagesofnineandsixteen;boysbetweentenandseventeen.African-American girls are known to start a year earlier, onaverage.Byeightornineyearsofage,girlsareusuallycuriousandprobablystartingtotalkamongstthemselves.Whenever your child bringsup the subject is also the right

time.Every child matures on a different schedule. Watch your

child’sothersignsofmaturationasaguidetobringingupthetopic, signs such as breast development, pubic hair, vaginaldischarge.What can be too early for one can be too late foranother.If you’re divorced, it is helpful if your let the other parent

knowifthetopichascomeupandhowyou’vehandledit.Mom,if a 10-14 year old daughter will be spending time with dadeither onweekends or for the summer, let dad know hemaywant to have some supplies on hand. Or encourage yourdaughtertokeepsomeitemsthere.Theywillcomeinhandy...eventually.

WHATABOUTTHEBOYS?

Period.waswrittenspecificallyforpremenstrualgirls,butweknowparentswhohaveboughtthebookfortheiryoungsons.Often menstruation gets left out of their education andbecomesamysteriousevent. If youhave sons,be sure to tellthemabouthowtheywillchangeastheygrowup,andtalktothemalsoaboutthechangesgirlsgothrough.InthebeginningofPeriod.wetalkabouthowmagazinesand

movies make everyone look beautiful and perfect, as if they

havenoproblemsatall.Parentguidessometimesdothesamething, and aparent can easily feel like something iswrong ifhisorherchildrenwon’ttalkaboutgrowingup,evenwhenthesuggestions in the books andmagazine articles are followed.Weknowhowhardthesethingscanbe,andwe’vemadelotsofmistakes with our own children. But one of the things we’vealsofoundis ifyoukeeptryingandyoudon’thaveunrealisticexpectations of yourself or your children, you can have somerewardingexperiencestogether.

THEVOICEOFTHEPARENT

“IgaveacopyofPeriod.tomyniece,Amy,whenshewassix.

Shewassoexcitedaboutit,shesatdownrightthenandthereto read the book. This was during a big family gathering—Amy’s older sisters Lisa and Laura (seven and eight) wherethere. So were her young cousins Jenny and Adam (five andthree).Add inAmy’sparents,hergrandparents, anotherauntanduncle,andyoucanseewehadquiteagroup.Well,allofussataroundthelivingroomwhileAmyreadthe

book out loud. When she came to a word that was hard topronounce, or a concept that she couldn’t understand, shewouldasksomeoneelseintheroom.Wehadthreegenerationsof the family there,all talkingopenlyaboutmenstruationandcramps,vaginasandtampons—itwasgreat!Thiswasn’t somethingwehaddonebefore. It’s not likewe

were the original liberal family and we always talked aboutthesethings.IamsureAmy’sgrandparentsandparentswereuncomfortable and a little embarrassed to be talking aboutmatters that felt so private to them. But the childrenapproacheditopenlywithrealexcitementandthatexcitementwas infectious. We all helped Amy learn about menstruationandgrowingup,andshehelpedallofuslearnanewwaytobetogether.“—Joan“MywifeandIdivorcedwhenourchildrenwereyoungand

nowwesharecustody.Generally, Iseemykidsoneeveningaweekandonalternateweekends.And,honestly,I’mawarethatIgettobethe”funparent,“whilemyex-wifehastodealwithmoreof theday-to-day issuesaboutchoresanddisciplineandhomework.Oneof themenIworkwithmentionedsomethingtheother

day about his eleven-year-old beginning to menstruate and Irealized that my daughter Christie is nine now. I’ve sort ofassumedallalong thathermomwoulddiscuss thesegrowingupissueswithherandprobablyshehas.ButIdon’tknowforsure,andevenifhermomhas,Idon’treallyknowwhatshehassaidtoChristie.Likealotofotherdivorcedcouples,wetrytostay on top of things but our communication is not alwaysgreat.Well, I thought, why should I deprive my daughter of my

feelingsaboutgrowingup? I’d likeher tohearaboutsomeofmyexperiences,andIreallywanttohearabouthers.Italkedthisoverwithhermomand letherknowIwasgoingtohavesome talksofmyownwithChristie.Then IboughtChristieacopyofPeriod.andwestartedtaskingaboutit.It’shardformesometimes, but it’s really worth it because I have this wholenewopportunitytogettoknowmydaughterbetter.“—Michael“I rememberusingbooksandexplaining tomysonatsome

pointbetweeneightandtenhowbodieswork(includinggirls’menstruating)sohe’dhavetherightinformation,notjustwhathepickedup fromotherkids.His sister, threeyearsyounger,was given the same story at the equivalent age. Her olderbrother walked in while we were going through a book withdrawings. I gulped foramomentbut continued.He satdownwith us and the discussion continued. Afterwards I realizedwhat a gift he had given me—and hopefully, her too. Sexeducationnowwassomethingtheywouldexpectboysandgirlstodiscuss in thesameroom.Theywouldsee this informationas just matter-of-fact—something boys and girls discusswithoutgiggleorembarrassment.”—VickiOf course, stories like this tend tomake it all sound pretty

easy. You always hear about everyone’s successes.When youthink about bringing up these issueswith your own children,the situation may seem very different from the experienceshere.“My daughter Tiffany is eleven—my age when I started to

menstruate. I know she’s had some education in school so itwon’tcomeasatotalsurprisetoherbutIwanttotalktoheraboutmyownexperiencestoo.No one even talked aboutmenstruationwithme and Iwas

terrified when I started my periods. Knowing my family, I’msureitwasthesameformymotherandmygrandmother.I’ve read the suggestions inmagazinearticlesabouthaving

books around and how to just start talking to your child andadmittoyourowndiscomfortorembarrassment.WhenItriedthis,Tiffany tried to leave the room. ‘Comebachhere, younglady,’Iscolded,knowingthiswasn’tthewayitwassupposedtobegoing.‘Ijustwonderifyouhaveanyquestionsaboutthesething—menstruation,yourbody’schanges—youknow?’‘Mom!Please!’shewailedandwouldn’tsayanotherword.I

hadtolethergoandshewentandwatchedTVfortherestofthenight.Ijustdon’tseehowIcandothiswithmykid.“

—Raelyn

SOWHATCANYOUEXPECT?

Mostchildrenarefairlyselectiveaboutwhattheysaytotheirparents. Some topics are easier to discuss than others.Manychildren who are eight or ten or twelve hardly talk to theirparentsaboutanythingatall.Childrentheseagesdospendalotoftimetalkingtotheirpeers.Andteenandpreteenchildrenare always embarrassed about everything.Don’t let that stopyou.Ifanything,that’sagoodreasontostartthesediscussionsearlierratherthanlater.Don’texpecttofiteverythingintoonediscussion.We may assume because they don’t talk back to us, they

aren’tlisteningtowhatwehavetosay.Thisisnotnecessarilytrue.Mostchildrenaregoodlisteners,andsometimestheyareeven“sly” listeners—overhearingthingswewouldrathertheynot hear at all! But they also tend to have a short attentionspan,andtheymaybeuncomfortableabouthowtorespondtothethingsyousay.And what can you expect from yourself? Expect to feel

awkward, expect to make mistakes, and expect to feelfrustrated. When your “growing-up talk” with your childdoesn’tflowtheniceeasywayitdidonatelevisionsitcomlastweek,don’tblameyourself.Andmost importantly,expectthatthiswillgeteasierandbetterwithpractice.

HOWTOBEGIN

Youcanchoosemomentstotalktoyourchildwhenyouareinyourcaroronaplane,whileyou’repreparingdinnertogether,orduringaTVcommercial.Youmightjustsaysomethingaboutgrowingup.Startwithapersonalcomment.“You’retenyearsold now. You know, when I was ten I startedmenstruating. Idon’tthinkwe’veevereventalkedtogetheraboutgettingyourperiod.”Don’texpectaconversation,anddon’tputyourchildonthe

spotwithquestions.Makeafewcomments,andthenmoveonto another topic if your child seems unprepared to have thisdiscussion.Andonceyou’vedone that,whatnext?Youmaywant some

fresh material for a next short discussion. If you haven’talready, read thisbook.Don’t just set it in frontofyourchildwithout knowingwhat it has to say. Youmight have differentfeelings and experiences other than in the book. Yourexperiences are unique. Share them with your children. Andleaving this book in their room (versus the kitchen table) isanother sensitive tact to take. There are lots of otherpossibilities:

• If you’re a woman, talk about your own experiences

beginning tomenstruate—whenyou started,how it felt,howyourfamilyresponded,andthesortsofthingsyourfriendssaid.Talkaboutthethingsyourparentssaid—ordidn’t say. Bring up other memories of your childhoodandadolescencehavingtodowithgrowingupgenerally.

•Ifyou’reaman,talkaboutwhenyoufirstlearnedaboutmenstruation and what you and other boys your agethoughtandfeltaboutit.

• Talk about advertisements about tampons, menstrualpads,femininehygienesprays,douches,etc.thatyouseeinmagazinesoronTV.

•Describethemoviesaboutmenstruationyousawinyourschool. Ask aboutwhat they’ve been shown or lecturedabout.

•Talkaboutthemythsyouheardaboutmenstruationwhileyou were growing up. Ask your child if she has everheardsuchthings,andthencorrectthem:“Youcan’ttakebathsduringyourperiod;”“Youcan’tgetpregnantwhileyou’re menstruating;” “You shouldn’t go Swimmingduring your period;” “Don’t do any vigorous exercise;”“Crampsareimaginary;”or“Womenarealwaysirritableornervousduringtheirperiods.”

Thesetalkscanbeafineopportunitytosharesomeofyourown vulnerabilities with your child. You can talk about thedifficultiesyoufacedasayoungperson,abouttimesyouwereafraidoforconfusedbyyourbody’schanges.Youcanletyourchild see that the two of you have had some similarexperiences. By letting our children see that we have gonethroughthesekindsofevents,thatwehavesurvivedandevenlearned from them, we are helping them learn that this is anormalprocessandthattheywillsurviveittoo.Overtime,yourchildmayfeelmorecomfortableaskingyou

questions and really discussing these things. But don’tworrytoo much if she doesn’t. She is listening to you, and yourcontinuedeffortsdemonstratetoherthattheseare importantissuestoyouandthatyoucareabouther.

CREATEYOUROWNRITE-OF-PASSAGE

Ritualsaresorelymissinginourculture.Whilenoteverygirlwillbeopentomakingthisoccasionacelebration, it isworthmarkingthemoment.Hereisawonderfulopportunitytocreateaspecialmemoryforyourdaughter.Beforeyourdaughtergetsherperiod:•Askhertothinkaboutaspecialcelebrationwithyouthatyou’llcarryoutwhenshegetsherfirstperiod.Wouldshelikeafamilydinner,aslumberpartywithhergirlfriends,adinneratnicerestaurantwithyou,ticketstoaplay?

•Usehertenthbirthday(adoubledigitcoming-ofage)fora special outing. It could be amom-daughter dinner orlunchout,perhapsasmallcorsageandcopyofPeriod.toheraldherapproachingwomanhood.

• Take a trip to a local hospital and look at the newbornbabiestogether,maybeeventhehospitalwhereshewasborn.Forgirlswhohavenotbeenaroundtinybabies,thiscanbeveryexciting.Itgivesyouanotheropportunitytotalkaboutwhatshewaslikewhenshewasaninfant,theways she has changed since then, and how she willcontinue to change as she matures and how, withoutgetting a period, none of this would have happened.(Wonderfulforbuildingself-esteem.)

Whenagirldoesgetherperiod:• Carry out that special celebration you planned. Maybegettingherearspiercedhasbeentheagreed-uponevent.It’savisible,yetsecretcode,tomarktheoccasion.

•Bringherabouquetofflowers.•Writeyourdaughteraletterincludingsomeofyourownmemoriesofgrowingupandyourfeelingsabouthowsheisgrowingup.Thisbecomesakeepsake—somethingshecan read in private, look over again in the future, savewithherspecialthings—ifshewants.

•Writeherapoemtomarktheevent.•Giveherabookcelebratingwomanhood.

•Haveateapartyforherwiththeotherimportantwomeninherlife.

•RemindhershecanfillinFORTHERECORDonpage73.

OTHERRESOURCES

This book, or any others on the topic from your library orbookstore, are always helpful. For starters, you can use theprintedinsertsineverypackageoftampons.Theyhavealotofinformation.Let your daughter know there are product samples (some

free, some not) she can send for, call for, or request fromcompanys’internetsites.Ordoittogether.ForafreesampleofTampax®Satins,call1-800-888-3115,or

make your request, if you are over 13, at their website:www.tampax.com/suite.For$7.99, youcanorderAlways’ JustUs Girls Kit containing booklets and a sampling of pads,pantilinersandtampons,ifyoucall1-800-462-7500,orsendacheckormoneyorderforthatamountto:Always’JustUsGirlsKit, attn:DanLee,POBox141142,Cincinnati,OH45250.Oryoucanorderiton-linewithacreditcard,ifyou’reover13,at:www.pubertykit.com.ForafreesampleofPlaytex@tampons,visittheirwebsiteat

www.playtextampons.com.PlaytexalsoofferstheStraightTalk.Period.VideoKit,a20-minuteinformationvideoformotheranddaughter accompanied by an informational booklet and asampleofSlimfit@tampons.Thisvideokitcosts$7.95andcanbe ordered by visiting theirwebsite, calling toll-free 1-877-4-PLAYTEX,orsendingacheckto:Playtex,StraightTalk.Period.,POBox1084,GrandRapids,MN55745-1084.Internetsitesofferawealthofadditionalinformation.Teens

will enjoy visiting www.troom.com, while you might findwww.bodymatters.comorwww.always.comofinteresttoyou.

APELVICEXAMFORYOURDAUGHTER

Itiscertainlynotnecessaryforagirltohaveanpelvicexamupon getting her period, however, excessive cramping,bleedingorsporadicperiodsmaybereasons. Itcanalsobeagift to take her to a trusted doctor during her teen years,beforesheissexuallyactiveorgoestoworkorofftocollege,sosheknowshowtodoitonherownandgetsinthehabitofregularexamsforherownhealthandwelfare.Ifyourdaughterdoes pass sixteen without beginning menstruation, it isappropriatetoconsultwithadoctor.

IT’SAGOODTHING

Whenyoutalkwithyourchildren,sharewiththemyourown

sense ofwonder at theways they’ve grown and changed. Sitdownwiththemandlookovertheirbabypictures.Letthembeinspiredbyyourownprideinthem,sotheycanfeelgoodaboutthemselvesandthewaystheyaregrowing.As you continue to talk about these things, you will find it

easier to do. When you feel unsure, or frustrated, orintimidated,thinkabouthowyouwouldactifyouknewexactlywhatyouweredoingand felt totallyconfident.Thenactas ifthiswereactuallythecase.Acting“asif”isagreattechniquetogetuspastourstumblingblocks,anditreallyworks.Learn what your child’s health curriculum is—and when it

covers what—in their school. Take advantage of communityorganizationsandschoolprogramsaboutgrowingup.Youcancheck with your church, a school nurse, local PlannedParenthood chapters, or community groups such as theGirls’Club,GirlScouts,YWCA,etc.aboutwhattheyoffer.Putting effort into open communication with our children

alwayspaysoff.Sometimeswearen’tsurewhattosayordo.Ittakesworkonourpart togiveour childrena legacyofprideand wonder in the workings of their bodies. What a trulyprecious gift we offer them when they can understand theirchangingbodiesanddelightinwhatistocome!

- - -

LET’STALKABOUTS-E-X

AGuideforKids9-12andtheirParentsbyPlannedParenthood/MarMonte

First created by Planned Parenthood/MarMonte in the ‘80s,this excellent, updated guide insures that children are givenaccurateage-appropriateinformation.Discussesfeelings,bodychanges, making sense of love and sex, STDs and more.Includes a Parent’s Guide. The ideal starting point forintroducingthediscussionofsex“therightway”

100PAGES7”X7”availableinEnglishandSpanish

BookPeddlerEdition/copyight©2001JoAnnLoulanandBonnieWothenVolcanoPressEdition/copyright©1979,1981,1991

byJoAnnGardner-Loulan,BonnieLopezandMarciaQuackenbush.

eISBN:978-1-93186356-8

1.Menstuation--Juvenileliterature.I.Lopez,Bonnie.II.Dryud,ChisWold.III.Quackenbush,Marcia.IV.Title.

QP263.L.6’62QBI00-461

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybecopiedorreproducedbyanymeanswithoutpriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher.

Youcanalsoorderdirectlyfromthepublisher:

BOOKPEDDLERS,15245MinnetonkaBlvd,Minnetonka,MN55345(800)255-3379•(952)912-0036•fax(952)912-0105

www.bookpeddlers.comSchools,Agencies,organizations:Contactusdirectlyforquantitydiscountrates.

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