portland september song tcf chapter meetings september - october tcf newsletter.pdf · page 2 the...

Copyright © 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. All Rights Reserved

“A Nonpro f i t Se l f -He lp Organ iza t ion fo r Fami l ies Who Have Expe r ienced the Dea th o f a Ch i l d ”

SEPTEMBER—OCTOBER 2018

P o r t l a n d , O r e g o n

P.O Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-3065 Ph. 503-248-0102 www.portlandtcf.org

Tuesday 7 pm

Montavilla Baptist Church 9204 SE Hawthorne St.

Portland, OR 97216

SEPTEMBER 18th OCTOBER 16th

NOVEMBER 20th

Saturday 10:30 am

(First Saturday every month)

First United Methodist Church 1838 SW Jefferson, Rm. 130

Portland, OR 97205 (Corner of SW 18th/Jefferson St.)

SEPTEMBER 1st OCTOBER 6th

NOVEMBER 3rd

Wednesday 7 pm

(Second Wednesday every month) Loss Of Child Due To

Substance-Related Causes

Moreland Presbyterian Church 1814 SE Bybee Blvd., Rm. 104

Portland, OR 97202

SEPTEMBER 12th OCTOBER 10th

NOVEMBER 14th

Worldwide Candle Lighting 2nd Sunday in December

Flower Float, 3rd Tuesday in July

Portland

TCF Chapter

meetings

Tues. Chapter Leader Carolyn Harrington Ph. 503-307-8450 [email protected]

Tues. Meeting Co-Leader Bev Waterworth Ph. 503-665-9576 [email protected]

Sat. Subgroup Leaders Jeff Littman & Peggy Smith 503-284-2725 [email protected]

Wed. Subgroup Leaders Debbie Sack (503) 997-9829 [email protected]

Connie Miller (503) 801-4743 [email protected]

Treasurer Connie Miller (503) 736-9863 [email protected]

FOR MORE INFORMATION: (503) 248-0102

Regional Coordinator

Georgia Cockerham Chapter Leader, TCF

Northwest Coast PO Box 1595

Brookings, OR 97415 541-469-5814

georgiacockerham @msn.com

Newsletter Editor Debra Moon 503-849-1179 [email protected]

Member Database Jenna Pingeon 651-717-5066 [email protected]

Website Diane Barta 503-810-7072 [email protected]

Please Support Portland TCF . . . Just by shopping at Fred Meyer with your Rewards Card!! Through their Community Rewards Program they donate to local community organiza-tions/nonprofits of your choice. You just link your Rewards Card and scan it every time you shop at Freddy’s. *Whenever you use your Rewards Card you will be help-ing Portland TCF earn a dona-tion from Fred Meyer. *You will still earn your Rewards Points, Fuel Points and Rebates, just as you do today. *Please see page 10 for more information.

September Song

The school bells ring, young voices sing and small ones shout with glee. The autumn air beckons school to start and left alone is me.

What makes me feel so down and blue and boggled down with thoughts of you?

I see the school bus passing by and find myself with a tear in my eye. Is it the clothes we can’t buy, while others grab the jeans to try?

Or is it autumn in the air that pulls at heartstrings—already bare?

Maybe it’s the falling leaves and dying grass, bringing reflections like a looking glass?

Whatever the reason that stirs my heart, every year when school must start, reminds me how much I miss you.

Forever loved—Forever remembered

~ Barbara Williams, TCF, Fort Worth, IN

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS

To our newest members—we offer our warmest welcome! If you have walked through the door to a TCF meeting, we understand how traumatic and difficult that is to do...we have all taken that step and reach out to you in friendship and support.

As our TCF Credo says, “We come from different walks of life…”, but the common bond we now share is the death of a beloved child, grandchild, or sibling. Others cannot understand the terrifying and debilitating emotional issues that occur in our daily lives once this event happens; a TCF member can and does!

We hope you will find our meetings and newsletters to be a source of comfort, a place where tears are allowed, no judgments are made and the hope that through this trauma, we can once again find hope and meaning in our lives.

A Warm Welcome to New Members….We’re Glad You Found Us!

www.portlandtcf.org

Portland Chapter TCF has it’s own website! Check it out for additional information & resources.

Click on the link from TCF’s national website or you can log onto Facebook and search for The Compassionate Friends/USA. You will find information about upcoming events such as conferences, the Walk to Remember, and the Worldwide Candle Lighting.

TCF’s Facebook page is a proven support area for bereaved family members to talk about their grief.

Please join our TCF/USA Facebook family. Tell us about your child, sibling, grandchild, or other loved one and find support in the words and concern of others. Check out the Discus-sion Boards! Every day we provide thought provoking questions, grief quotes, & links to grief stories, as well as TCF news.

Closed TCF Facebook Groups:

The Compassionate Friends offers a variety of closed Facebook groups. These pages are moderated by be-

reaved parents, siblings, or grandparents, and may not be accessed unless a request to join is approved by a

moderator. A private message will be sent prior to ap-proval, please be sure to check your mailbox marked

"Other" if you do not receive one in your main mailbox. These pages were established to encourage connection and sharing among parents, grandparents, and siblings

grieving the death of a child, grandchild or sibling.

Loss of a Child

Loss of a Stepchild

Loss of a Grandchild

TCF Sounds of the Siblings (for bereaved siblings)

Men in Grief

Loss to Substance-Related Causes

Loss to Suicide

Loss to Homicide

Multiple Losses

Sudden Death

Loss of child 4—12 years old

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Bereaved Parents w/Grandchild Visitation Issues

Loss to a Drunk-Impaired Driver

Loss to Cancer

Loss of a Child with Special Needs

Loss to Long-Term Illness

Infant and Toddler Loss

Loss of an Only Child/All Your Children

Loss to Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Loss to Mental Illness

Crafty Corner

TCF Chapter Leadership (for anyone currently serving on a Chapter steering committee)

Portland TCF Advisory Board

Michael Ashe General Manager, Wilhelm’s Portland Memorial

Michael Lawrence Senior Pastor, Hinson Church

Chloe Elizabeth Lee-Zorn Psychologist, Western Psychological & Counseling Svcs. (Cedar Hills)

Joan Schweizer Hoff Coordinator of Programs, The Dougy Center

Sara Taub, M.D., M.B.E. Pediatric Medicine Specialist, OHSU

June Vining Executive Director, Trauma Intervention Program (TIP)

of Portland/Vancouver


The Compassionate Friends is a non-profit, self-help organization composed of bereaved parents/siblings. We offer friendship and understanding. Anyone who has experienced the death of a child

of any age, from any cause, is welcome. Our meetings give parents an opportunity to talk about their child/sibling and about the feelings they experience through the grieving process.

There is no religious affiliation. There are no membership dues. The purpose of this support group is not to focus on the cause of death or the age of the child/sibling, as it is to focus on being a bereaved parent, along with the feelings and issues that evolve around the death experi-ence of a child.

The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped.

WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE. WE ARE THE

COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS?

Email your address/email change to Jenna Pingeon, Member

Database at [email protected]

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS:

Providing Grief Support After the Death of a Child

"The Compassionate Friends is about transform-ing the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief natural-ly. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again."

~Simon Stephens, founder of The Compassionate Friends

~ THANK YOU ~ THANK YOU ~ THANK YOU ~

Thank you to Portland Adventist Medical Center, Debbie Esmond, Graphics Dept. &

I waited for that moment and it arrived one special day.

My first glimpse of you nearly took my breath away.

I was apprehensive about being called a grandma

it’s true, until the first time I was called grandma by you.

Being a mother was a wondrous joy for me,

I gave it all I had with great responsibility.

Then I watched my child become a father of his own,

Now I could be a grandma and explore the great unknown.

You brought so much joy when you entered this world;

You were grandma’s pretty angel and daddy’s little girl.

I loved to take you shopping, I loved to brush your hair,

In fact I loved taking you with me almost anywhere.

All those years of joy were filled with promise of much more,

How we could have known

that sadness soon would be in store.

The ringing of the telephone, a knocking at the door,

In an instant all that mattered most

didn’t matter anymore.

The hurt was great for me

and for my child so wracked with pain,

Without my pretty angel life would never be the same.

We gave each other comfort and we held each other tight,

Somehow we have weathered the darkest of the night.

Today we still cry and we always ache for you,

But we also take some time remembering that you lived too.

Your smile forever sparkles and your laugh will always be,

because my precious grandchild you are still a part of me.

~ Connie Sheets, We Need Not Walk Alone, Winter 2014

Sunday, September 9, 2018


Our children lovingly remembered...

As long as I can, I will look at the world for both of us. As long as I can, I will laugh with the birds.

I will sing with the flowers, I will play to the stars for both of us. As long as I can I will remember

How many things on this earth were your joy. I will live as well as you would want me to live, as long as I can.

~ Sasha Wagner


Our children lovingly remembered...


A Love Gift is a special note to your child that is

printed in the newsletter. It is a wonderful way to

remember and honor their memory! Families often submit these

either on the birthday or anniversary date of their child, but it can

be done at any time! There is no charge for printing a Love Gift, but

many families choose to donate a tax deductible contribution to help support TCF expenses

such as newsletter expenses (ie: postage), brochures, outreach, special events, etc. Please complete

the form on the back page with your love note and submit with your favorite photo.

To include a picture with your Love Gift, please email your special photo to [email protected] or

mail to TCF, P.O. Box 3065, Portland, OR 97208. Your photo will be returned with current address.

D E A D L I N E

For Nov.—Dec.

Love Notes:

October 10th

Correction:

In Loving Memory of CARY E.

Cary, we all miss you and love you, you’re forever

in our hearts. I will see you again soon. With all my love, Mom

Darlene

In Loving Memory of JACOB LEE

Jacob Lee … the day you were born we knew you were special. We miss you with every breath we take. You left us so soon,

you shined so bright. You are missed by all your family, friends and especially your brother, Josh. We love you with

all our hearts. Love, Mom & Dad

Jeff & Lisa

In Loving Memory of DAVID RAY

To my dear David, I miss you every day. I’ve loved you all of your life.

My heart aches for the day I see you again. Love you always and into eternity.

Love, Mom

Kathleen

You crossed my mind today Lightly treading

On a leaf strewn path Of memories

Playfully turning each one Smiling, laughing

I watch as they change From green, fresh and new

To the glorious Warm, comfortable

Memories of autumn.

And then as the harsh winds Of winter arrive

The memories crumble And are blown away

Buried under a blanket of silence You crossed my mind today

I heard a robin sing I saw a hawk take flight I saw the flowers bloom

The leaves turn green again You crossed my mind today

Tomorrow and always

~ Rosemarie Mohr


SPIRIT GIFTS

Grief is such an individual journey. We are cast on its path without our consent, envel-oped by a depth of pain we never dreamed existed. We’ll have times when despair and loneliness threaten to engulf us. But we do have one companion on this lonely, unsought road: our child who died. I think there is never a moment in the day when a part of me is not connected to my child, to our years together and to our present relationship. Our journey through grief is a good-bye to the physical presence of our children, but it is never good-bye to their spirits and to the essence of their beings. My child lives inside. When the days get unbearably hard, when I think of all this wonderful young person missed by not getting to live out his life, I try to remember to focus on the present child, the one who lives inside me. I try to integrate his gifts into my life, sometimes seeing through his eyes, thinking from his heart and mind. Often, he reminds me to pay atten-tion and not miss the beauty of nature that surrounds me. (He noticed the details in na-ture and loved the outdoors so much more than I.) No matter how old your child who died, the essence of this unique being remains with you forever. It is through us and others who knew them that our children continue to live and affect our present world. Though not in the way we hoped and expected, our

In Loving Memory of DAMON

Damen, your mother misses you and will always.

Love, Mom

Barbara

In Loving Memory of CHARLES “RICHIE”

Happy birthday, Richie. You would be 28 years old this year.

We miss you so much and love you always. Love, Mom & Dad

Linda


If it’s your child’s birthday month, we invite you to come to our monthly meeting and share their story! (Even

if you don’t come to meetings regularly, we would love to meet you and honor your child.)

Birthdays hold treasured memories and are especially difficult for surviving parents and siblings; TCF offers a wonderful

venue to honor and celebrate the precious life-story of your loved one. Taking a few minutes to share a picture, memento,

award or even their favorite toy is a gentle reminder to all that love continues and grows with each passing year.

A special Birthday Table is available to display your pictures and special keepsakes. If you wish, you may also bring in

your child’s favorite snack to share...or even a birthday cake!

OCTOBER’S HERE

October’s here, the air is bright,

The leaves decked out in fancy dress,

The clouds in shapes of animals

Hang in the sky so blue.

This was our time of year, Your favorite.

How many times did you come in,

Cheeks glowing, eyes sparkling,

Smelling of the leaves you jumped through

As a child and even after you grew up.

How many times did you say

“Just smell, just feel the air, I love it,

Crisp, with a hint of winter coming.”

Our time, but now only my time.

Time to dream dreams that won’t be.

Time to wish wishes that can’t come true.

Time to remember and treasure each day

We had together.

Time for October’s memories.

I miss your smile, your voice, Your sense of humor, your hugs, Your way of making everything

better… Mostly, I miss you.

~ Michelle Russell

Once we can learn to let go of the moment of death and

embrace the LIFE we did share, we can begin to know peace

and a return of inner joy.

~ Darcie Sims, “Footsteps”

September 23rd first day of autumn


SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT www.sbsnw.org

NE Portland... 3rd Mon @ 7-9 pm Georgina Eggleston, (503) 309-3966 Peace House, 2116 NE 18th Street Portland OR 97212

SW Portland... 1st & 3rd Thu @ 6-8 pm Leslie Storm, Facilitator 503-915-8998, [email protected] West Hills Friends Church—7425 SW 52nd , Portland 97219

Gresham...1st Thu @ 7-9 pm Jaime Torres, Facilitator 503-303-7289 St. Henry’s Church School Building (west side of parking lot) 346 NW First St., Gresham OR 97030

Hillsboro… 2nd Thursday, 6:30—8 pm. Dougy Center/Linkletter Commons 230 NE 2nd, Ste. E, Hillsboro, OR 97124 Nickole Skovly, Facilitator, 503-453-7372

Milwaukie… 2nd & 4th Sun 2-4 pm Clackamas County NAMI Office 10202 SE 32nd Ave Ste 501, Milwaukie, OR 97222 Andrea Campbell, Facilitator 503-774-4612

Bend… Call Debbie Taylor (541) 390-4992

Redmond… Call Herb Baker 503-708-3047

St. Helens… Call Ann McKinney 503-369-1549

Salem… Call Bruce Carson (503) 851-0861

BRIEF ENCOUNTERS Ph. 503-699-8006

Spanish (503) 972-3376 Peace House, 2116 NE 18th St.

Portland ...2nd Mon 7 pm Beaverton ...4th Thu 7 pm Vancouver ...2nd Thu 7 pm

www.briefencounters.org

Support groups for parents who have experienced infant or pregnancy loss or who are considering or experiencing

a subsequent pregnancy/adoption.

PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN Ph. 503-761-1304 or 503-656-8039 Peace House, 2116 NE 18th Ave

Portland… 1st Mon @ 7 pm www.pomc.com/portland

SIDS Resources of Oregon 4035 NE Sandy Blvd Suite 209

Portland Ph. 503-287-8265, www.teleport.com

Me, Too & Company Children, parents, whole families

Ph. 503-228-2104 www.oregonhospice.org

Supports children and families who have experienced the death of a family member or friend.

The Dougy Center Ph. 503-775-5683, www.dougy.org

3909 SE 52nd Ave., Portland, OR 97206 Provides safe place for children, teens, young adults

& their families who are grieving a death.

Stepping Stones Ph. 360-696-5120

SW Washington Medical Center, Vancouver, WA Support groups specialize in helping children with their grief.

OTHER SUPPORT GROUPS:

A big THANK YOU to all who volunteered their time and energy to make our 4th annual Flower Float a great success! Once again, we had a beautiful evening in the park! Outstand-ing musical selections were performed by “Apology”, an

acapella group. After a short program we proceeded to the riverbank to watch our flowers float down the river. A social time rounded out the evening. Again … ~ ~ THANK YOU! ~ ~

The artwork is called Melancholy by Albert Gyorgy and is on display in Geneva, Switzerland

“We may look as if we carry on with our lives as be-fore. We may even have times of joy and happiness. Everything may seem “normal”. But THIS, “Emptiness” is how we all feel…all the time.”

~ Quote from John Maddox, lovingly lifted from the Facebook page of “Totally Buffalo” 7-8-18

You’ll always be with me, like a handprint on my heart …

~ author unknown


Go to www.fredmeyer.com/communityrewards

Sign up online (even if you already have a card, you must create an online account)

You will immediately receive an email to confirm your account (check your Spam or Junk Mail!)

Sign up using your email address and password

From the top menu select: Reward ——> Community Rewards

Click “LINK YOUR CARD HERE”

Enter #80708

Be sure to click the bubble! The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3065 Portland 80708

TCF Portland earned $45.14 during the 2nd quarter, 2018!

2018 = $86.51~~~2017 YTD = $206.29~~~ 2016 = $364.46 ~~~ 2015 = $469.46

~ Thank you for participating & enjoy shopping! ~

Great Way for Families &

Friends to Support

TCF Clackamas County Chapter Ph. 503-655-6846 (Barb) Providence Willamette Falls Hospital 1500 Division St. (Conf. Room 6) Oregon City, OR 97045 4th Tuesday @ 7:00 pm

TCF McMinnville Chapter [email protected] Comfort Inn Conference Rm. 2520 SE Stratus Ave. McMinnville, OR 97128-8871

1st Thursday @ 7:00 pm

TCF Washington County Chapter Ph. 503-324-2504 (Phyllis) Elsie Stuhr Center 5550 SW Hall Blvd. (Oak Room) Beaverton, OR 97005

2nd Tuesday @ 6:30 pm

TCF Salem Chapter Ph. 503-743-3930

Salem Hospital, Bldg. D 939 Oak St. SE (1st floor meeting rm.) Salem, OR 97301-3901 salemtcf.org 3rd Tuesday @ 6:30 pm

AREA TCF CHAPTERS

The Dougy Center has a new resource for grieving families! A podcast, Dear Dougy, has over 30 episodes covering a range of topics related to grief and loss.

Produced by the staff of The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, the Dear Dougy podcast is a mostly ‘question & answer’ conversation, and occa-sionally includes other visitors in the field of dying, death, and bereavement.

Tune in to hear ideas for supporting children, teens and yourself. Each 20-minute Dear Dougy episode offers tips from The Dougy Center staff members along with insights from people like you who are grieving the loss of parents, siblings, partners and children.

Listen in at dougy.org OR iTunes OR your favorite mobile podcast app!

PHOTOGRAPHS

We collect photos of our angels to frame and display on a photo

board at our meetings. If you would like your child’s photo to

be posted, please bring a picture to the next

meeting, email or mail your photo.

Fred Meyer Rewards

Program requires us to register our Rewards Card every year to continue donating through your purchases.

PLEASE . ———> Take the time to register your Rewards Card to con-tinue donating to our local TCF.

Thank you—you are a very important reason this fundraising is so success-ful for TCF-Portland!


IN SEARCH OF

LOST JOY

Just as it happened in your life, a single mo-

ment changed everything and so here I am

with you tonight. My son’s death took with

him all our hopes and dreams. All of us here

know that loss, the emptiness that brings us

here in search of something to stop the pain,

something to stop the tears, something to

dream about again. We came tonight as a

family to share with each other, loving each

other, protecting each other during the

storm. I can’t think of anything else I’d ra-

ther be doing right now than living.

That wasn’t always true. After my son’s

death there were days when all I could do

was think about dying, to join my son, or

just to relieve my pain. Now there is a fresh-

ness about each day that I never understood

before. I got to where I am today because of

time and a commitment to rediscovering the

joy of living.

Time does help fade the fabric of our grief.

As time stretches us away from the moment

of our child’s death, we may begin to grow

away from our child. And so we cling to that

which we know, even though it tears our

heart again and again. Is it not possible that

one day sometime in the future, we will

begin to understand that joy can return as

we remember our child’s life, not his death?

We once feared we would never be happy

again, that only helplessness and darkness

would prevail in our lives, but now ten years

later, I can share with you the wonderful

discovery that we an do more than survive.

Survival is not enough: I want to live. We

cannot find words to sooth the hurt; there

simply aren’t any.

We can, however, build supports and safety

nets. Recovery from the death of a child is a

matter of choice. Time does help heal over

open wounds. Scars form and serve as

reminders. Gradually, however, we must

learn to live with those scars and, slowly, let

them sink in place… recovery begins to

occur when we can learn to reinvest our

energies, emotions and love rather than seek

to replace it. When we completely under-

stand we did not lose our child, recovery is

possible. Our child died, but the love we

shared between us can never be destroyed.

I cannot reach out alone. I need the love and

strength of my new-found family to be a

cheering section and a safety network of

caring individuals who will support me if I

fail, and who believe strongly enough in me

to put me back on track to go on again.

The human spirit has an infinite capacity to

survive, endure and grow. It requires both

laughter and tears to thrive and flourish. It

requires love and faith, strength and support

as well. Hurt and pain have their lessons too,

and we cannot rob ourselves of the richness

of the tapestry that hurt and love weave to-

gether. To eliminate one from the loom is to

break the thread and steal away the fabric.

For those of you who are hurting too deeply,

whose pain is too fresh, whose child’s death

is still too close to hear me, I want to give

you the message: ‘HOLD ON, HOLD ON

TIGHT”. Right now for you, there seems to

be little sunshine, little hope and no energy

to choose life. So hang on tight.

And if you know parents who are struggling

just to hang on, reach out to them right

now. Loan them some of your strength,

knowing they will loan you some of theirs

when you need it. That’s what TCF is all

about: helping each other through the valley

of the shadow, helping each other through

the hurt, helping each other through the

anger, the pain, the emptiness, the silence,

helping each other rediscover life.

~ Darcie D. Sims, PhD, CGC, CHT

NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION US POSTAGE

PAID PERMIT 1234

PORTLAND OR

RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED

The Compassionate Friends Portland Chapter P.O. Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-3065


If you wish to make a tax-deductible LOVE GIFT donation, fill in the information below, send with a check for any amount to Portland TCF , PO Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-0102

OR, you may submit your love gift and photo online at http://www.portlandtcf.org

Month you would like it printed in newsletter: Donation Amount: Anonymous?

Child’s Name:

Date of Birth: ____/____/_____ Date of Death: ____/____/____

Your name: Telephone:

Address: City: State:

Email: Zip: Please make your check payable to TCF Portland or charge: VISA _____ Master Card _____ AMEX _____

Name as it appears on the card: _______________________________________ CVC# (on back of card) _____

Card # __ __ __ __ - __ __ __ __ - __ __ __ __ - __ __ __ __ Phone # __________________ Zip code __ __ __ __ __

Special Message (please include how you would like your message to be signed: _____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for your continued support and commitment to our Portland TCF!

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