Well its that time of the year again, time for my annual mammogram, but for some reason this year

I was scared to go to my appointment, and I don’t like this when I feel this way because I trust my

feelings, but regardless I schedule it, My first appointment was in May, but a week before the

appointment they called and said that the mammogram machine is broke down, Ok, well they get

me rescheduled for June. Same thing happens again a week before my appointment they call to

reschedule, the machine is still broke down.. I'm thinking, (“oh my gosh, how many women are

being rescheduled?, or how many wont reschedule?) and I'm getting so frustrated.

So my 3rd appointment is later that month, this time nobody called, ;-) My husband Steve drops

me off at the door of the Clinic, cause I'm gonna be here for a little while, I told him I would call

when I'm almost done. I check in at the front desk by telling the gentleman there my name ..He

looks at me, then looks at his computer, types my name in and His reply is “utt oh” and I’m like,

what do you mean? utt oh? Is there a problem? He proceeds to speak to one of the other women

there in Spanish … now I feel anxiety building, cause I cant understand a word they are saying.. I

butt in and say “do I need to call my husband to come and pick me back up, before he gets all the

way back (to the other side of town).. No Miss Kay, he says go to room 1200……. I start to make

my way to room 1200 relieved that all's going as scheduled, I check in once again, this time the

young girl behind the counter says I am sorry Miss Kay, you are scheduled at a different clinic, a

different clinic? I say, I always come here, Well she says we don’t have time for you here today, you

will have to reschedule.. I'm very upset at this point, and I just feel like screaming! but out of the

corner of my eye, I see on the counter, a little flip pad with the scripture of the day on it..

Proverbs 20:22 Do not say, “I’ll pay you back this wrong! “Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver

you.

Is there a problem ?

I read it, took a deep breath and said “would you excuse me for one second while I call

my husband to come get me?” She just smiled, She admitted it was her fault, she was

new and had scheduled me at the wrong clinic, but it was a mistake, I couldn't’t take it

out on her. So I rescheduled my appointment (again) for August 20th at 1:00pm.

Here we go again, on our way to My 3rd scheduled Mammogram appointment, when

we arrived I just told Steve to wait in the parking lot until I text him the ALL CLEAR,

LOL.. well I get back to the room where a very nice radiology nurse takes the

necessary slides, like all the other times she says I will take a look and see if we need

any additional slides and be right back. When she returned, she says the very

expected “The Dr will view the slides, and you will get the a letter with your results. But

I could tell by the way she addressed me that she had seen something on the images, I

just knew it inside I could feel it, but I rebuked the thought and the urge to ask “DID

YOU SEE SOMETHING?! I just felt different this time, and didn’t know why, I called

Steve to come pick me up.

Well we had a small tour scheduled in Wisconsin, so we were caught up in preparing

and packing to go home and visit family and friends and have a good time doing what I

LOVe to do, sing and dance! Now after we got to Wisconsin I started thinking, humm ?

I haven't received the results from my mammogram yet…

so I called my Daughter who was staying with us in Nashville, to see if anything had

come in the mail from Matthew Walker Clinic while we were gone, she said, yeah

there is something here for you, I knew before she opened the letter that it was not

going to be like all the rest, and then she read it,

Based on the images obtained, there is an area on your mammogram for which I recommend

further testing. Please call #615-555-2555 as soon as possible to schedule your appointment…

All I heard was… “YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER!

I tried to contain myself until I got off the phone, I didn't’t want her to hear the

fear in my voice, after we hung up I felt myself just start shaking, fear just

started to fill up inside me, tears started flooding down my face, I was a

wreck! This cant be happening to me! I get checked every year! My

Grandmothers! My Mother!

I'm a Spokeswomen for Breast Cancer… OH MY GOSH … NO !!!

At this very moment My life changed with

one phone call …

one letter …

one small spot ...

I want to do more !My father was 8 years old when he lost his mother

to breast cancer and colon cancer in 1946, she

was 49 years old, her name was:

Ella May Ashley.

My mothers mother passed away from double

breast cancer and colon cancer in her late 40’s,

Her name was:

Margaret Sullivan

My Father lost his mother, my mother lost her mother, and I just lost my mother to CANCER! I don’t want my

daughter to loose her mother! I want to do MORE to bring awareness! I'm going to do MORE!

It had already spread through her whole body !

It was too late to tell what type of cancer killed her without doing a test that could have made her last days worse or even shorter. We were all surprised, shocked, scared and mad at the news! The Doctors said we would be lucky if she lived through the summer,

she didn’t.

Mom made this birdhouse and she was so excited to give it to me! She was, and still is my best friend.

I cant begin to tell you how much I miss her, Nobody loved me as much as she did. She was not herself in the last days, it was extremely sad to see someone you love dying, you sometimes don’t know what to say, you don’t know how much time you have left,

so you want to say so much, ask so many questions, and

NO I DON’T want to know what your leaving me, just don’t leave me!I'm feeling Desperate.

This is my Mom, Judith Ann Relken, I lost her

to Cancer August 10th 2012. By the time the

Doctors found out she had cancer it had spread

through her entire body!

When my father and mother married, they agreed

that there first daughter would be named after his

mother Ella May and that’s “me”! How lucky am I to

have the privilege and honor to carry on her name

and memory.

I just started prayingAll I know is, I have a show this afternoon, and I just couldn't’ get it together, I was

sitting in the back of my bus and I'm a mess .. I just started praying, I had to give it to

God, I just couldn't’t handle it on my own.. And I started to get dressed for my show,

thinking I just want to talk to Mama, she would tell me if I was gonna be okay or not,

But I Cant talk to her because This HORRIBLE C WoRD has taken her from me! My

tummy is in knots and I struggle to get ready. I think to myself, God gave me this gift

to sing and be happy, so Im gonna use it and Love every minute of it because I don’t

know how many more times I will be able to? I hit the stage and I never looked back, I

put myself in my music, in the moment..

I love being in my element and there it was!

I enjoyed a happy afternoon with Family, friends

And fans, I could feel the blessing.

After hugs and goodbyes, pictures and autographs, I was emotionally exhausted..

Ugh!! I made it to my bus and poured me a glass of my favorite pinot, put my feet up,

took a deep breath and thought “I'm not through yet.

I got a war to fight!The bus pulled out of Wisconsin heading back to Nashville, we stopped

at a fast food joint, the whole band was hungry, not even sure I wanted

to eat, I scan the menu thinking to myself (just eat whatever you want,

(it don’t matter anymore, apple pies, double cheeseburgers, fry's oh

yeah and a chocolate shake) then I heard my inner voice say….

“oh no you don't, IF!, IF! This is going to be cancer, I'm going to

continue to eat healthy, because now more than ever I need to take

care of myself, I got a war to fight”

I went back to the bus and made myself a 1/2 of a turkey and cheese

sandwich, and a couple skittles for good measure. What a long day its

been and I'm tired, so I headed for my bunk and fell right to sleep, I

woke up the next morning and it was Tuesday morning, as soon as I

was able to, I called the Clinic and set up my appointment ASAP, they

gave me an appointment for Thursday, ok 2 days, I can do this….

I Felt a Small Mass on my left breast

Im totally depending on God to get me through this…

Later that Tuesday I was unpacking my suitcase and the house was so quiet, I had no TV on or radio… all I could hear was myself shuffling around the room.. And I heard it, a voice inside me saying “you are suppose to experience this so that you will know what other women go through” (and yes it was God talking to me) and I thought, this makes perfect since, I'm the Spokesperson for Pink Fishing & Breast Cancer.

That night I laid in bed, just restless all night… about 3:30 in the morning for some reason I decided to do a self breast exam, I very carefully checked both breasts, never before had I done such a serious exam, and there it was, I felt a small mass on my left breast, and I just knew that this is what they saw, and soon after I fell to sleep. The next morning I called the radiology Department to talk about the findings, and she confirmed what I had already known from listening quietly to my inner voice and God speaking, yes the mass was on the left side and we just need to do a couple compression films, and an ultrasound. We will see you tomorrow Ms. Kay.

I felt stronger and strongerGood morning Thursday … ahh, as I stretch I push all thoughts of cancer out of my

mind (even though they keep trying to come in) because deep inside I just felt I

didn't’t have breast cancer… but I wanted that confirmation. I never told anyone

about my letter except my husband.. I didn't’t want anyone to have to worry about

something we had no answer for yet, especially my Dad who had just lost his wife

and my mother, or my kids who just begin to draw conclusions.. I just thought it was

better to wait.

My husband came with me to my appointment today, all the while I'm reading my

scripture for the day over and over to keep myself focused on God the whole time, I

felt stronger and stronger and I was ready for whatever he had planned for me, I'm

okay, but I just want to know – have to know! but I feel calm. Here's what my Dailey

scripture said on September 5 2013,

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be

terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you

go.

As we arrived and walked down the long hall to that room with the cold machine, as

if its my enemy, but knowing its my friend.. I'm thankful in one sense and dislike it for

quite another.

She returns, and I know Steve is worried

The nurse that I had today was so bubbly and sweet, she reminded me of a friend of

mine from Wisconsin Vikki Vanlinder, (God sent me an angel , someone that looks

familiar to comfort me ;-} and I liked her immediately) She showed my husband and I

the slides, and showed us the area in which they needed to take a better look at from

the previous mammogram.. It was as if I was looking at an invader, something that was

not given permission to be in my body ! (I think my husband was worried at this point) I

showed no fear, thinking of my scripture all along, The nurse proceeded with the

compression slides, the area was just under the nipple, any women knows this is not a

very unconfortable thing and this particular area was sensitive, okay no pain no results,

grin and pray!

“ok she says, I got what I need” in her cheerful voice, “I will show these to the Doctor

and see if he wants to do an ultra sound or not, I’ll be right back” She returns and I

know Steve is worried when the nurse tells us that the DR wants an Ultrasound, I said

“well lets go” My nurse (angel) keeps me smiling and explains every move she makes,

explaining the different breast tissues during the ultra sound of my left breast. “okay I'm

done” she says “I'm going to go get the Dr and he will come and discuss the findings

with you, and she looks up at me, smiles and says “sometimes its just nothing”

I almost kissed himI'm praying in faith that this is one of those Sometimes! The Dr came in and shook both our hands, and just blurts out “Would you like to know what we found?” I'm a little shocked at his bedside manner, and said “well yes I want to know” he says NOTHING, its nothing, its changing breast tissue, which happens as we get older, I just yelled out “THANK YOU JESUS” My husband Steve said, I almost kissed him! Bless his heart, he was so worried, well so was I but was very present in every moment of this process.. This experience was a blessing and a lesson, a small look at what women feel during this whole initial process, or the beginning of it. I believe that going through something is how we know what its actually like, it gives you more power, more passion, more determination to do something.

After several months of deep thought, I have decided that I must move forward with my pursuit in bringing awareness to men and women about breast cancer and early detection. Me being in the music industry has given me a whole other angle in which to reach people, and I plan on bringing awareness and healing through my music, and what ever new road I might travel the best that I can..

We must be advocates in our own health care… and knowledge is in indeed POWER…

PINK OUT THE C WORD !!!