LOOKING THROUGH A GENDERED LENS

The family is the first, and most influential social structure through which individuals form gendered

identities. It is through the family that each member of society learns to conform to societal gender expectations and to communicate their

gender. Families are organized by distinctly gendered roles. In the same way that individuals create their own

identity through the performance of identity, so too does a society's communication of and about family create acceptable cultural ideas

regarding the structure of family. It is the collection of individual family units that make up the fabric of a society. In

this way, it can be said that "the state of the family is an indicator of the state of society. "(DeFrancisco and Palczewski p. 153)

The Family as a Social Institution

WHAT DO YOU IMAGINE WHEN

YOU THINK OF THE WORD

FAMILY?

A family is a group of people who live together as parents and children. There is one thing in common among then and that is they are members who share common goals. It is the basic unit in a society which together natures the future interests of the group.

Merriam-Webster contributed definition from Vincentt Makokha · Chaplain at Administration Police

fam·i·ly  (fm-l, fml)

n. pl. fam·i·lies

1.a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

2. All the members of a household under one roof.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/family

Definitions of FAMILY

Merriam-Webster:

The basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family <a single-parent family>

Medical Definition

HOW DO YOU DEFINE FAMILY?

FAMILY

The concept of the nuclear family emerged during the Industrial Revolution in the 1800's along with

traditional stereotypical ideas of masculinity and femininity. Although the nuclear family and its associated roles for males and females has never actually

been the predominant family structure for Americans, it has come to be perceived as the ideal; one for which all

should strive. In this model, the mother stays in the home and nurtures the family. The father is the head of the

household and the breadwinner. In reality, this idealized concept of the nuclear family has been attainable only for a small segment of the population.

Historically, very few family units have had the resources to allow a single wage earner to provide all of the

earnings while another adult stays home and assumes a caretaker's role. At the same time, developing

technology has added both money and time demands on families. Still, the concept of the nuclear family has become the assumed standard for all

American families. Anything outside of this structure is seen as an exception to the rule.

Honey, I'm home!

RECIPE FOR A NUCLEAR FAMILY

COMBINE TOGETHER:

TWO PARENTS - ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE

CHILDREN - BIOLOGICAL, IDEALLY AT LEAST ONE MALE

ADD FOR GOOD MEASURE:

ONE DOG, ONE CAT, A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS, AND A PICKET FENCE

WARNING: DON'T MIX TOO VIGOROUSLY. FOLD TOGETHER GENTLY TO KEEP FEMALES AND MALES IN THEIR PROPER ORDER!

A QUESTION POSED ON "YAHOO ANSWERS": DOES THIS DESCRIBE THE "IDEALIZED" VERSION OF A NUCLEAR FAMILY?

WHAT IS THE PICTURE PERFECT FAMILY?

BEST ANSWER - CHOSEN BY VOTERS

THE PICTURE PERFECT FAMILY IS THE ONE THAT PRETENDS TO BE PERFECT AND PRESENTS A SHALLOW IMAGE OF THEMSELVES AS BEING HAPPY AND SMILING WHEN IN REALITY THEY FIGHT CONSTANTLY AND AREN'T HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER. THE PICTURE PERFECT FAMILY IS ONE THAT IS PRESENTED FOR OTHERS TO SEE PUBLICLY, BUT PRIVATELY IT'S FAR FROM THE TRUTH.

THE NUCLEAR FAMILY

PERCEPTION VS. REALITY

C AN A NON-TRADITIONAL FAMILY BE A HAPPY FAMILY?

THE PERPETUATION OF THE IDEAL NUCLEAR MYTH LEADS TO A CULTURAL CONFLICT. EVEN THOUGH SUCH A FAMILY IS NOT

ATTAINABLE TO MOST MEMBERS OF SOCIETY, BEING PART OF ONE IS THOUGHT TO BE THE ONLY PATH TOWARD HAPPINESS.

Early TV families helped to define the traditional definition for an ideal nuclear family

TV FAMIL IES

LEAVE IT TO BEAVER 1957-1963

THE FLINTSTONES 1960-1966

TV FAMILIES INSTITUTIONALIZE IDEA OF NUCLEAR FAMILY AS BEING IDEAL......

HAPPY DAYS1974-1984

MODERN FAMILY2009-PRESENT

During the economic boom of the

1950's widespread availability of

television helped to institutionalize

the idea of the nuclear family.

Early television shows portrayed

ideal families in ideal

environments. The commercial

advertisements accompanying

those shows, further influenced

Americans to strive for this ideal.

Throughout the years there have

been many traditional families

portrayed on television. Modern

Family is one such show. It

features a traditional family with

Phil (working father), Claire (stay

at home mother), and three

children all living in a beautiful

suburban home. But Modern

Family is a truly modern television

show. Featured alongside Phil and

Claire's family are two other family

units: one with two gay fathers,

and another with a mixed race

couple. Hopefully, Modern Family

will help modern audiences

become more accepting of all

types of family structures.

TV FAMIL IES BROADEN OUR VIEW

EVEN THOUGH ELLEN WAS A WELL LOVED STAR, AMERICAN AUDIENCES IN 1997 COULD NOT SUPPORT THE IDEA OF A GAY LEADING LADY IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. HER SHOW WAS CANCELLED IN THE SEASON AFTER SHE CAME OUT. HOWEVER, ELLEN PAVED THE WAY FOR OTHER OPENLY GAY CHARACTERS. SHOWS SUCH AS WILL AND GRACE AND FRASIER (FEATURING GAY BROTHER, NILES) SERVED AS STEPPING STONES FOR BROADER LEVELS OF ACCEPTANCE. CURRENTLY, THE SHOW MODERN FAMILY, FEATURING A GAY COUPLE AND THEIR CHILDREN IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR SITCOMS ON TV. IT RECEIVED AN EMMY AWARD IN 2012 FOR BEST TELEVISION SERIES, AND ERIC STONESTREET, WHO PLAYS CAM, A MELODRAMATIC GAY FATHER, HAS RECEIVED NOMINATIONS FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, THREE SEASONS IN A ROW.

ONE DAY AT A TIME 1975-1984

MODERN FAMILY2009-PRESENT

ELLEN1994-1997

NEW IDEAS...In the same way that original TV families served to institutionalize the notion of the ideal nuclear

family, modern TV families have helped (albeit slowly) to broaden our definitions of acceptable family units. The

Brady Bunch featured a blended family. One Day at a Time showed viewers a strong-

minded, divorced, single mother, head of household. The Cosby show highlighted a prominent

African American family with two highly educated wage earners.

COSBY1984-1992

THE BRADY BUNCH 1969-1974

Interlocking Social Institutions

The family unit is an integral part of other larger social institutions within the grater society. These relationships with other

institutions can perpetuate traditional definitions of family and gendered role expectations thus creating gendered scripts. These scripts lead to gendered

personality and behavioral expectations.

A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE KITCHEN!

REAL MEN DON'T EAT QUICHE

Modern ideas of gender roles and expectations do not always fit with traditional structures:Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. , renowned relationship expert and author of The

Mother Dance, writes that in order for parents to achieve true equality in both parenting and career roles, they should

share equally in parenting. She suggests that both parents take equal time off for child rearing and spend equal amounts of

time building their careers. While this concept sounds ideal, our social work structures don't support a system of two

parents being part time wage earners, as Ms. Lerner suggests. Part time work for either individual doesn't allow access to the health care benefits or wage increases

that all young families need. Current social institutions leave American families struggling to juggle work and child care. If

a family has the means to survive on a single income, one partner (often the woman) inevitably sacrifices career growth

and wage earning opportunities while the other (often the male) increases career opportunities and sacrifices parenting relationships. This imbalanced structure

perpetuates traditional gendered roles.

WHO WEARS THE PANTS?

AS WE GROW AND ADVANCE AS A CULTURE, WE CHALLENGE TRADITIONAL IDEAS OF GENDERED SCRIPTS. THIS CAN CREATE A BACKLASH THROUGH WHICH NEGATIVE GENDERED TERMS ARE CREATED. THE 1970'S BROUGHT: CRAZY WOMAN DRIVER AND MALE CHAUVINIST PIG

NEW YORK TIMES 1960

LOIS RABINOWITZ, A 28-YEAR-OLD SECRETARY APPEARS IN TRAFFIC COURT WEARING SLACKS. THE JUDGE SCOLDS HER, SAYING, "YOU'RE TOO ATTRACTIVE TO DRESS LIKE A MAN." MRS. RABINOWITZ, SAYS SHE FEELS FLATTERED AND ADMITS THAT THE JUDGE IS RIGHT.

HUFFINGTON POST

JULY 13 , 2013

IOWA CITY, IOWA -- THE IOWA SUPREME COURT ON FRIDAY STOOD BY ITS RULING THAT A DENTIST ACTED LEGALLY WHEN HE FIRED AN ASSISTANT BECAUSE HE FOUND HER TOO ATTRACTIVE AND WORRIED HE WOULD TRY TO START AN AFFAIR.

CURRENT INSTITUTIONAL SHIFT

Traditionally, hospitals restricted visitation rights "to a narrow interpretation of family that excludes

those not legally or biologically related to the patient. "(http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/sample-visitation-policies ) This definition does not fit all

family units and has resulted in painful experiences for those people who have been separated from their loved ones at

a time of great need. Public outcry has resulted in new interpretations of who an individual can regard as "family" while

undergoing medical care. The term Family Centered Care was developed to

allow patents more freedom of choice in designating family. At the Conley Clinic at The University of Maine, all

speech therapy is family centered. At this clinic, family is defined as "anyone who is important to the client. " At the Conley Clinic, the therapists know that

the communication impairments of an individual affect all members of a family. In order to provide effective therapy, it

needs to be inclusive. Hospitals too, are beginning to find that inclusive definitions of family result in better

healing for patients.

Concept of Family Centered Care helps to redefine the term "family"

FAMILY - A NEW DEFINITION

“Family” means any person(s) who plays a significant role in an individual’s life. This may include a person(s) not legally related to the individual. Members of “family” include spouses, domestic partners, and both different-sex and same-sex significant others. (http://en.wikipedia.org/Family_centered_care)

The Function of the Family:The family serves to teach and maintain cultural norms - including gender norms and rules. Parents teach their children,

through modeling, interacting, and the placement of expectations.

CHILDREN ACQUIRE A GENDER IDENTITY BETWEEN AGES 2 AND 3 (DEFRANCISCO AND PALCZEWSKI P. 164)

Modern Gender Conundrum:Since the 1970's with the onset of the Women's movement, expectations,

responsibilities, and opportunities have been expanding for women. Women are now more educated (making up more

than 50% of most college campuses) and their career opportunities are limitless. Women continue, though, to be

responsible for more household labor and childcare responsibilities than men. This leads women to feel as though they must "do it all."

Traditional ideas of masculinity, though, have limited opportunities for men to expand their roles. Women have "crossed

over" into realms traditionally reserved for men, but it has been less acceptable for men to enter traditional "boxes"

reserved for women, This may be because the idea of moving into a feminine role construes ideas of both giving up masculinity and giving up power. As a

result, men tend to be stuck in traditional roles and women feel burdened with the need to be "super woman."

Think About It:More and more names once reserved for boys are becoming female names. As soon as a name is construed as "feminine," it is

less acceptable as a boy's name: Kelly, Ashley, Brook, Courtney, Tracy, Jordan...

THE SUNSHINE FAMILY

FAMILIES TEACH GENDER AND ROLE EXPECTATIONS THROUGH THE TOYS THEY PROVIDE FOR THEIR CHILDREN. THE SUNSHINE FAMILY WAS MY FAVORITE TOY IN THE 1970'S. WHILE THE DOLLS DO NOT SEXUALIZE INDIVIDUALS, AS DO BARBIE DOLLS, THEY EXEMPLIFY THE TRADITIONAL FAMILY.

PERFUME AD 1980

CHRISTINA: I CAN PUT THE WASH ON THE LINE, FEED THE KIDS, GET DRESSED, PASS OUT THE KISSES AND GET TO WORK BY 5 TO 9.

'CAUSE I'M A WOMAN, ENJOLI!

(ANNOUNCER): CHARLES OF THE RITZ CREATES ENJOLI. THE NEW 8 HOUR PERFUME FOR THE 24 HOUR WOMAN.

CHRISTINA: I CAN BRING HOME THE BACON!

CHORUS: ENJOLI.

CHRISTINA: FRY IT UP IN A PAN!

CHORUS: ENJOLI.

CHRISTINA: AND NEVER, NEVER, NEVER LET YOU FORGET YOU'RE A MAN!

'CAUSE I'M A WOMAN!

CHORUS: ENJOLI!

HTTP://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/

IS ANDROGYNY INCLUDED IN THE DEFINITION OF FAMILY ?

Heteronormativity refers to the assumption that everyone is heterosexual and wants to be married.

In the US, heternormativity remains the predominant cultural expectation. Our language and society require that anything outside of a heterosexual

relationship must be explained. We do not have neutral words to explain a different type of relationship. Children

are socialized from the very beginning to want to date and be married. Despite social crises with mounting

levels of debt, the traditional white wedding, costing many thousands of dollars, is considered to be a peak experience in an individual's life.

Modern couples include engagement photos in their "wedding dossiers" that are more romanticized than at any

other time in history. Modern ad campaigns dictate acceptable dating partners and acceptable grooming

behaviors. The heterosexual romantic bond is maintained as the only way that men and women can connect (DeFrancisco and Palczewski p. 165). In

our culture, platonic adult same sex friendships are given less value than heterosexual romantic relationships.

Media representations of dating couples tend to be romanticized, often portraying what would be considered

stalking in real life (DeFrancisco and Palczewski p. 166). Couples are still looking for the fairy tale "happy ending." The only problem with this is

that the so, called happy ending means "getting the girl" and far too often that means "possessing" her.

The Formation of Family: Friendships and Dating Relationships

IDEALS:

ENGAGEMENT PHOTO

FAIRY TALE WEDDINGS

KRAFT ZESTY MAN

SCHICK QUATTRO AD FOR FEMALE GROOMING

SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE DATING PARTNERS?

One of the most fiercely fought cultural battles in recent times has been the political wars waged in every state regarding marriage rights for same sex couples. Each state

has had to make a decision about whether the word marriage pertains to a man and a woman, thus legitimizing only those types of unions, or if same sex couples can also claim

ownership of legal marriage, thus legally legitimizing other types of marriages and their resulting families. In

November, Maine became the 13th state to legally allow same-sex marriage. In June, the Supreme Court made two important decisions regarding the institution of marriage

when it declared the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional and also granted federal benefits to same sex couples whose states allow same sex marriage. These legal actions will allow us as a culture to rapidly expand our

ideas about marriage.

A POLITICAL YEAR FOR MARRIAGE

THE AD ON THE LEFT, FOR A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE, USES A TRADITIONAL FAMILY IMAGE TO PERPETUATE THE IDEA THAT THE NUCLEAR FAMILY IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE A FAMILY.

SKIING IN WHISTLER ELSIE’S BIRTHDAY CAMPING IN OREGON

WHAT IS A PROPER MARRIAGE?

WHO BENEFITS FROM MARRIAGE?

DURING THE TIME THAT THE IDEA OF THE NUCLEAR FAMILY BECAME INSTITUTIONALIZED, THERE WAS A POTENTIAL BENEFIT FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN IN SUCH FAMILY STRUCTURES. WOMEN NEEDED MEN TO BE WAGE EARNERS. MEN NEEDED WOMEN TO BE THE NURTURERS AND TO TAKE CARE OF THE FAMILY HOME. NOW THAT WOMEN HAVE MORE EQUAL ACCESS TO EDUCATION AND EARNING POTENTIAL, THERE MAY BE AN IMBALANCE OF BENEFIT IN THE TRADITIONAL NUCLEAR FAMILY STRUCTURE; WOMEN DON'T

NEED TO BE MARRIED IN ORDER TO CHOOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN OR TO BE FINANCIALLY STABLE. THE DECISION TO MARRY IS BASED LESS ON NEED AND MORE ON FEELINGS OF LOVE. PERHAPS THIS CHANGE IN RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC WILL IMPACT THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IN THE UNITED STATES?

ADVICE FOR A MODERN MAN?

Example of modern gender scripted advice found on the internet:

Whipped to a pulp:from: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/36_dating_advice.html

"Some men will do anything for their

women. Unfortunately, women will see this as a sign of weakness. And then before a man knows it, his woman will be wearing

the pants in the relationship.

Jimmy is an example (albeit an extreme example) of what can happen to most men who let their women make the rules.

Unfortunately for Jimmy, there is not much he can do -- he's whipped. Yes, we've all heard it. The dreaded seven letter word

whipped . And believe it or not, if you're not careful with how you behave with your love, you too might be the next man

who's cat-whipped to a pulp.

When it comes to relationships, the ideal situation involves communication and equal partaking in both the decision-

making and responsibilities. But this is not the case with most couples. In general, it is usually one spouse who ultimately takes

control.

This is why I highly recommend that you wear the pants before your wife does.

Otherwise, before you know it, you'll be wearing a skirt around the house while dusting the furniture.

I believe that it is the man's fine duty to

control the decision-making process of all family related decisions -- or at least pretend he does. Why? Because like it or

not, it is probably the only thing left in life that we men can still lay claim to. Once you lose it, you no longer have anything to

look forward to."

GENDER SCRIPTS

WOMEN TAKE PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY FOR RELATIONSHIP MAINTENANCE

WOMEN SHOW AFFECTION BY TALKING. MEN SHOW AFFECTION BY DOING

SOME (POTENTIALLY GENDER BIASED) RESEARCH CLAIMS THAT MEN ARE NOT GOOD LISTENERS AND CANNOT DO OR VALUE TALK AS MUCH AS WOMEN DO ( TEXT P. 167)

THE SURRENDERED WIFE

"THIS CONTROVERSIAL APPROACH TO MARRIAGE HAS TRANSFORMED THOUSANDS OF RELATIONSHIPS, BRINGING WOMEN ROMANCE, HARMONY, AND THE INTIMACY THEY CRAVE.

LIKE MILLIONS OF WOMEN, LAURA DOYLE WANTED HER MARRIAGE TO BE BETTER. BUT WHEN SHE TRIED TO GET HER HUSBAND TO BE MORE ROMANTIC, HELPFUL, AND AMBITIOUS, HE WITHDREW -- AND SHE WAS LONELY AND EXHAUSTED FROM CONTROLLING EVERYTHING. DESPERATE TO BE IN LOVE WITH HER MAN AGAIN, SHE DECIDED TO STOP TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DO IT.

WHEN DOYLE SURRENDERED CONTROL, SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED. THE UNION SHE HAD ALWAYS DREAMED OF APPEARED. THE MAN WHO HAD WOOED HER WAS BACK.

COMPASSIONATE AND PRACTICAL, THE SURRENDERED WIFE IS A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE THAT TEACHES WOMEN HOW TO:

• GIVE UP UNNECESSARY CONTROL AND RESPONSIBILITY

• RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO CRITICIZE, BELITTLE, OR DISMISS THEIR HUSBANDS

• TRUST THEIR HUSBANDS IN EVERY ASPECT OF MARRIAGE -- FROM SEXUAL TO FINANCIAL" WWW.AMAZON.COM

GENDER SCRIPTED MARITAL

COMMUNIC ATION

Traditional Power Structures Can Lead to Domestic Violence

In traditional views of male and female relationships, the power is given to the male. Males are biologically stronger than females and traditionally use their strength to exert their power while women use communication. The institutionalized model of the nuclear family gives the power in a relationship to the male. In some cases, a power imbalance can lead to physical violence.

"Those with power never willingly concede their control."

-- Elizabeth LesserBroken Open

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project

TOYS FOR BOYS

The Toy Industry Targets Stereotypes of Male Strength and Female Weakness

Words taken from television toy advertisements marketing to boys aged six to eight show that toy makers capitalize on stereotypical boy behaviors and interests. Boy toys tend to feature action or aggression.

Word collage created by:http://www.achilleseffect.com/2011/03/word-cloud-how-toy-ad-vocabulary-reinforces-gender-stereotypes/

In her book, The Achilles Effect, Crystal Smith discusses the affect of gender stereotyping on boys. Her project using words taken from toy advertisements marketing to boys and girls paints a striking picture. In this project, the font size of each word reflects the number of times the word was used in television advertisements. For boys, the most used word was BATTLE. For girls, the most highly used word was LOVE.

"The Achilles Effect explores gender bias in the entertainment aimed at primary school boys, focusing on the dominant themes in children’s TV shows, toy advertising, movies, and books: gender stereotypes of both sexes, male dominance, negative portrayals of fathers, breaking of the mother/son bond, and the devaluing of femininity. It examines the gender messages sent by pop culture, provides strategies for countering these messages, and encourages discussion of a vitally important issue that is rarely talked about—the impact of gender stereotypes on boys."

http://www.achilleseffect.com

Domestic Violence in the Media Escalates over the Decades:

THEN: SUNDAY MORNING FUNNIES DEPICT PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IN 1957

NOW: POPULAR MUSIC IN 2013 DEPICTS PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE

Song discovered on my 15 year-old nephew's iPhone.

Want to make it your ringtone?

IS THE NUCLEAR FAMILY SUCH AN IDEAL IDEA?

THIS EXAMINATION OF THE GENDERED IDENTITIES WITHIN THE IDEALIZED VERSION OF THE SOCIAL INSTITUTION OF THE NUCLEAR FAMILY BEGS US TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS:

Is this structure... ideal? normal? secure? romantic? safe? equitable?

IN THE IDEAL GAME OF LIFE, YOU GET TO CHOOSE.

FOR MANY YEARS, AMERICAN CULTURE HAS BEEN STUCK IN A FOCUS ON THE IDEALIZED VERSION OF THE NUCLEAR FAMILY. THIS SOCIAL INSTITUTION HAS GENDER-DESIGNATED ROLES FOR EACH FAMILY MEMBER. MEDIA AND INTERLOCKING SOCIAL INSTITUTIONS HAVE SERVED TO MAINTAIN THIS TRADITIONAL VIEW OF THE FAMILY. WHILE THIS FAMILY STRUCTURE MAY HAVE BEEN IDEALIZED IT MAY NOT BE IDEAL. IT IS NOT ACHIEVABLE FOR MOST AMERICAN FAMILIES, AND WORSE, THE TRADITIONAL STRUCTURE PERPETUATES "SEXED IDENTITIES OF DIFFERENCE AND INEQUALITY" (DEFRANCISCO AND PALCZEWSK P. 174) THAT MAY EVEN CONTRIBUTE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

FROM MY VANTAGE POINT, HOWEVER, MUCH IS CHANGING. THERE IS GREATER AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE OF MANY MORE TYPES OF DATING RELATIONSHIPS AND FAMILY UNIONS. RECENTLY I PLAYED THE GAME OF LIFE WITH MY TWO NIECES, AGES SIX AND EIGHT. AINE, THE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD WAS IN CHARGE OF PASSING OUT CARS AND PEOPLE. EVERY TIME A PLAYER GOT MARRIED, SHE WOULD ASK, "DO YOU WANT TO MARRY A BOY OR A GIRL?" AINE HERSELF HAD TWO CARS, ONE WITH A "GIRL AND A BOY" AND ONE WITH "TWO GIRLS." MAEVE CHOSE A CAR WITH TWO BOYS AND A GIRL-BOY CAR.

THESE TWO YOUNG GIRLS ALREADY KNOW THAT THEY HAVE A CHOICE. ISN'T THAT THE WAY LIFE SHOULD REALLY BE?!