speaking of love and affection

8/13/2019 Speaking of Love and Affection

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Speaking of Love andAffection

Most people associate love and affection with aman-woman relationship. This is not exactly correct.Love and affection also applies to relationships in

families, between friends, and among a nations fel-low citizens.

The world of love is broad and expansive. We donot only love our parents, friends, or countries; wemay also love many other things. Some people love

plants and flowers; others love their pets. Some other people love to collect mineral rocks, stamps, ormatchboxes, and they derive a lot of joy from theircollections. It is just as natural to love sentient beings


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with whom we can share our emotions as it is to loveinsentient things that do not understand our emotions.

Very often, we hear people raise this question:Where do we come from? The sutras tell us that wehuman beings arise out of love; in fact, it is said in thesutras, When ones love is not strong, one will not be

born into the saha world. In Buddhist literature,human beings are referred to as sentient beings. Loveis the source of life and our existence represents acontinuum of love and affection.

While some kinds of love are healthy, othersare unhealthy; some are giving, others are pos-sessive. What is love? Love has its pluses and mi-nuses. From the perspective of its pluses, love givesus the strength to make sacrifices, to give, to en-

courage, and to be compassionate. Love is like aroadmap; it gives life direction and a clear visibilityof lifes destination. Love is like a blanket; it pro-vides us with warmth and security. Love is like a boxof chocolates; it is sweet and full of surprises. Fromthe perspective of its minuses, love is like a piece ofrope; it can be binding and restrictive. Love is like alock; it can shackle us and make us restless. Love can

be blinding; it can keep us in the dark without our


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being aware of it. Love is like the honey on a sharp blade; it can entice us to lick the blade, even at therisk of cutting our tongues and risking our lives.Love can be like a sea of suffering; its turbulent tallwaves can trap us in its depths.

We all want to be loved by others. Some go a stepfurther and want to share their love with the manythat their lives touch. Regardless of whether we loveor are loved by others, we have to be watchful thatour love does not turn sour. Love and hate are in-separable, one shadowing the other. If we do not love

properly, if we do not expand our love to all, and if wedo not elevate our love for a few to compassion for all,love can turn into hate.

I. Everyday LoveEveryday love is the most basic and common.

This includes love between a man and a woman, between a parent and a child, among family members,and between friends. While love can be blissful,there are times when love can hurt. While most of usknow or long for the joys of love, we may not un-derstand why love can cause us so much pain. Whenlove is parochial, finite in capacity, and limited in


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scope, it often becomes possessive and clinging innature. There are three main situations where lovecauses us problems:

1. When the object of our love is inappro-priate

It is human nature to love someone with whomwe feel a special affinity, but when the object of ourlove is inappropriate, our love can bring us manyheadaches. When we love someone who is spokenfor or is married to another person, our love is des-tined for trouble. It takes two to love; when we lovesomeone who has no feeling for us, it is like bangingour head against the wall. Depending on the object ofour love, we should moderate our intensity accord-ingly. If not, problems will ensue.

2. When our perspective of love is inappro-priate

One of the most common, though faulty, per-spectives of love is to view it as some kind of trade.Some people believe that, because of their personalwealth, they can buy love. Others dare not love thosewho are more affluent than they are. Some peoplewould not consider falling in love with someonewithout first considering that persons looks, educa-


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tion, profession, or the wealth of his or her family. Inthese instances, love is looked at as a kind of trade;this is an erroneous perspective of love. True lovedoes not speak of requirements and prerequisites; truelove is about giving.

3. When the manner in which we love is in-appropriate

Some people only love themselves and have littleregard for how others feel. In their continual pursuitof personal enjoyment, some even engage in extra-marital affairs. Others let their own emotions cloudtheir judgment; they become partial to people theylove and overly critical of those that they dislike.Sometimes, love is like a pair of colored glasses,

preventing us from seeing the true face of those we

love. No wonder we say that love is blind. There is acommon Chinese saying that we can use as our guide,Know the evil of those we love and the goodness ofthose we hate. When we love properly, love bringsout the best in each one of us.

While the excessive love of a parent for a childcan spoil the child and ruin the childs life, the love ofa parent, in moderation, can give enormous supportfor the child and help the child grow up well. I still


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remember some twenty years ago, when VenerableTzu Chuang decided to renounce the household life to

become a monastic. Her parents came to witness theordination ceremony. With tears in their eyes, theygave her a warm smile. Why were they both happyand sad? Although it is quite common now for youngcollege graduates to enter the monastic life, it wasquite unusual at that time. On the one hand, her

parents wanted to spend the rest of their lives withtheir child; on the other hand, they recognized theirdaughters love and dedication to the Dharma. Theirtears, as well as their smiles, left a strong impressionin my memory.

At this point, you may think that there is no roomin Buddhism for the kind of love that exists between a

man and a woman, or between a husband and wife.This is not the case at all. Buddhism does not dis-approve of wholesome love between a man and awoman; Buddhism disapproves of love that is un-healthy and unsound. It is unfortunate when love

becomes the cause of problems and heartbreak. Whenone reads in the newspaper about the many alarmingstories of love-driven assaults or even homicides, one


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cannot help but lament how tragic it is not to love properly.

Love is about giving. Even if we cannot makehuge sacrifices for our loved ones, the least we can dois not to hurt them. In the Documentary of the War-ring Period , Yue Yi once said, When a gentleman

breaks off a friendship, he does not speak ill of theother party. When a patriotic official is asked to leavethe emperors court, he does not try to clear hisname. Similarly, while most people would like tosee their romance develop into marital bliss, it isimportant to know how to handle a relationship whenit fails. When friends part ways, they should do soamiably and not bear a grudge against the other party.How can one make an enemy out of someone whom

one has once loved? To defame or destroy another person just because of a failed relationship is so un-necessary.

Some people describe how people love this way:Young people love with their words, middle-aged

people love with their actions, and older people lovewith their hearts. This means how we love matureswith age. Likewise, our love also evolves as we growin spiritual maturity. From loving ourselves, our love


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grows to loving our families and to loving the entirehuman race.

II. Heroic Love

What kind of love is heroicremarkable and

extraordinary? How does it differ from the everydaylove we talked about in the previous section? Hereare a few examples to help answer these questions.

1. Selfless love for ones country

Da Yu was a well-known virtuous man of ancientChina. During his time, there was a major flood, andmany people lost their farms and homes. The em-

peror assigned Yu to the job of diverting the riverwater and lessening the floods. He was away from

home supervising the project for thirteen years. Hewas so dedicated to finishing the project and thusrelieving his fellow countrymen of further pain that,during these thirteen years, three times he passed hishouse and three times he did not stop to visit with hisfamily. In his love for his country and fellow coun-trymen, there was little time for himself and his fam-ily. Such selfless love for ones country is a verygood example for all of us to emulate.


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Qu Yuan was a government official during theWarring Period in ancient China. He was very patri-otic and was very trusted by then Emperor Chu HuaiWhen some of the corrupt officials began to see thatthey were losing ground to Qu Yuan, they began tospread rumors about him. Unfortunately, the emperor

believed the rumors and distanced himself from QuYuan, finally dispatching him to a faraway post.Even then, Qu Yuan loved his emperor and main-tained high hopes that his country would not fall intothe hands of these corrupt officials. He would rathergive his life in patriotism than to kowtow to the po-litical parasites. When he was ordered by the em-

peror to implement a policy put forward by corruptofficials or face death, he chose death. He jumped

into Miluo River and took his own life. Since thevillagers could not recover his body, they rowedabout the lake in boats and made loud noises withtheir drums so that the fishes would be scared awayand not feed on his body. In fact, this is the beginningof the Dragon Boat Festival. From many of the lettersleft behind by Qu Yuan, we can see his steadfast lovefor his country. He would rather give his own lifethan to watch helplessly while his country declined.


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This is another example of selfless patriotic love forones country.

During the later years of Song Dynasty, Chinawas divided into Northern Song and Southern Song.When the poet Lu Fangweng lay on his deathbed, hetold his sons, As I lay dying, I should know that all

phenomena are empty; however, I grieve because Idid not see the unification of the nine states. On theday General Huang reclaims the north, please do notforget to tell me the news when you make your an-cestral offerings. This kind of love for ones countryis another example of remarkable love.

2. Selfless love for others

One of the Buddhas cousins was a general by thename of Mahanaman. He was responsible forguarding the city of Kapilavastu. When the city wasattacked and was about to fall into the hands of theenemies, he pleaded with the other general, Pleasedo not kill my countrymen. But if you have to, canyou please wait until I resurface after jumping downto the bottom of the river. The other general wasnone other than the fierce King Virudhaka. Helooked at Mahanaman and answered, As it is, youand your countrymen have no escape and must die. I


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am going to grant you your last wish. Mahanamanthen jumped into the river and disappeared. A longtime passed and he still did not float back up.Virudhaka was getting impatient and sent his peopleto the bottom of the river to find out what happened.They found Mahanaman at the bottom of the riverwith his hair tied to a tree root. In giving his life, he

bought some time for his fellow countrymen to es-cape from the city. This kind of willingness to sacri-fice oneself for others is a form of fearless love. It is,indeed, extraordinary love.

3. Selfless love for the DharmaWithin Chinese Buddhism, we have all heard of

Master Xuanzang. He was also referred to as theConfucius of Chinese Buddhism. Master Xuan-

zang was remembered for his determination to go toIndia to learn about Buddhism and bring sutras backto China. To do this, he had to cross over eight hun-dred miles of desert. One day while in the desert, allof the water that he and his entourage were carryingsuddenly spilled out of its containers. The situationwas really grim because there was little chance theycould cross the desert without water. Under the fiercesun and with dying thirst, he made this very famous


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vow: I would rather die trying to take the last step tothe west than try to make it back to the east alive.This fervor for truth is also a form of remarkable love.

If you look at how the Japanese live, eat, anddress, you will see that there is a heavy Chinese in-fluence. Who was the first to introduce Chinese cul-ture to Japan? For this, we have to credit MasterJianzhen of the Tang dynasty. He was a forefather ofthe area of Yangzhou. In order to realize his dream ofgoing to Japan to spread the Dharma, he tried to crossthe sea to Japan on seven different occasions over atwelve-year period. Once he was stopped by gov-ernment officials; another time, he was robbed clean

by bandits. On another attempt he had to turn back because of bad weather and turbulent seas. There was

even one time when he was sold out by one of hisdisciples. After six difficult attempts, he finally ar-rived in Japan at the age of sixty, blind in both eyes.Even with all these hardships, his resolve of spread-ing the Dharma in Japan remained unshaken. He alsomade this moving remark about his experience:What is the risking of life in the face of great un-dertakings? He did not hesitate to give up his life forthe chance of spreading the Dharma. His compas-


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sionate desire to spread the truth to all showed a re-markable love for others.

4. To love ones parents to the best of onesabilities

The Buddhas disciple, Maudgalyayana, was a

filial son. After his mother passed away, he learnedwith his supernatural powers that his mother wassuffering in hell. His love for his mother was so greatthat he did not hesitate to go to hell to help consoleher. Maudgalyayanas dedication to his mother somoved the Buddha that the Buddha told him that onlythe united efforts of the whole Sangha could alleviatehis mothers suffering. This is the beginning of Ul-lambana. In this way, not only was he able to save hismother, many others are now able to help their de-

ceased relatives. This form of filial behavior is thedirect transformation of a remarkable love.

Chan Master Daoji of North Qi dynasty was an-other example of a filial son. When he traveled aboutspreading the Dharma, he carried his books andmother in baskets suspended from a bamboo pole setacross his shoulders. When others offered him a hand,he would politely decline and say, This is my motherwho gave me life and raised me. I should be the one


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to take care of her. Chen Zunsu of the Tang Dynastywas a very accomplished Chan master who was alsovery attentive to his mother. He earned his living bymending shoes; thus, he was also called Chen theShoe Repairman.

There are many other examples of selfless lovefor ones parents. Filial love is a true and pure formof emotions; it is also a manifestation of t extraordi-nary love.

5. To love ones students like oneself

The following examples serve to show how pastmasters loved their students and followers. To teachand train their students, they used various methodsand seized every opportunity possible to get theirmessages across. With love and dedication, the bond

between a teacher and his students was foreversealed.

It was recorded in the Confucian Analects howheartbroken Confucius was when he learned of thedeath of his student, Yen Hui. He wailed and criedrepeatedly, The heavens have let me down! Histears fully captured his feelings for his students. Hewas saddened by the premature death of his student;he grieved at the loss of someone with great potential.


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His love for his student was most compassionate andremarkable.

Milarepa 1 traveled far and wide looking for ateacher. After extensive searching and traveling,Milarepa finally found Marpa to be his Dharmateacher. His teacher asked him, You said you wantto call me your teacher. Let me ask you what youhave to offer me?

Milarepa prostrated respectfully and said, I amgoing to offer you all of my actions, speech, andthought.

With this, Marpa agreed to accept him as hisdisciple. One day, Marpa told Milarepa, You are astrong young man. I want you to build me a stonehouse so that I can store all my sutras. Once it is

completed, I will teach you the Dharma.Milarepa was most delighted. When he asked his

teacher for a sketch of what he wanted, his teachertold him, I want you to go to the tip of the east faceof the mountain and build me a circular house. Theroads are steep and treacherous, but your hard workcan help you burn off your bad karma.

1 Milaraspa (1025-1135) was a famous enlightened Tibetan; alsoreferred to as Milarepa.


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Milarepa worked day in and day out. When itwas about half finished, his teacher came up themountain. He took off his half-moon shaped topcoat,folded it a few times and left it on the floor. He thenturned toward Milarepa and said, This does not looklike a good spot. I want you to take the house apartand move it to the west face of the mountain. I wantyou to build me a house that looks like this garmenthere.

Frustrated and speechless, he complied. When hewas about halfway done, his teacher again came upthe mountain and said, The house still does not lookright. I want you to take this apart and move all thematerials to the north face of the mountain. There Iwant you to build me a triangular shaped house to

symbolize what a true cultivator I am.Milarepa again followed his teachers direction.

Rain or shine, he worked nonstop, hoping to finishthe house. It was about a third completed when histeacher came up the mountain and asked him, Whotold you to build this house?

Nervously, Milarepa replied, You personallyasked me to build this house for you.


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Why are you crying? When you first came andwanted to be my student, did you not say that youwanted to offer me all your actions, speech, andthought. I am just striking what is mine, and I amonly yelling at what is mine. What is there for you tocry about?

What Milarepa had to endure is beyond ourimagination; he tacitly accepted all kinds of hardships.After a few years, Milarepa attained enlightenmentand became an arhat. On the night that he attainedenlightenment, his teacher embraced him crying,When I first saw you, I realized you were one ofthose rare individuals with great potential. That iswhy I had to put you through the toughest tests so thatyou could soon attain enlightenment. When I repri-

manded you, hit you, and was just outright unrea-sonable toward you, my heart ached with pain. Butwhen I thought about the good it would do you in thefuture, I just had to hide my pain and continue tochallenge you. What looked unreasonable on thesurface was in fact a teachers love for his students. Itwas his way of grooming his student for greatness.

When I, as a young man, became a monk manyyears ago I was lucky enough to be educated in a


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similar fashion. On the day we entered the hall to beordained, all the precept masters were seated in a row.I remember the precept master asking us sternly,Today, you are here to be ordained. Are you cominghere today because you want to or because yourteacher wants you to?

Someone immediately answered, It is my desireto come here today to be ordained.

When the precept master heard his reply, he tookup his rattan stick 2 and began beating this student.Afterwards, he said, How dare you come herewithout being asked by your teacher!

It was another precept masters turn; he asked usthe same question, Are you here today because youwant to be here or because you were asked to be

here?The other students saw what happened earlier, so

one of them got smart. He stood up and said carefully,Please be patient with me, I am here today becausemy teacher asked me to come.

He thought he was very clever; instead his an-swer did not put him in any better light. The precept

2 In those days in China, corporal punishment was an acceptableteaching tool.


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master gave him a beating and said, If your teacherhad not asked you to come, does it mean that youwould not be here today?

Upon reflection, the precept master did have a point. Did we have to be asked to come to be or-dained? Did we not have the commitment to becomemonks on our own? Next, it was another preceptmasters turn. Like the two before him, he asked usthe same question. With both experiences behind us,we thought we knew better. One of us said, Myteacher did tell me to come to be ordained, but Imyself also want to come. He thought that such ananswer could not go wrong. He could never haveguessed that his answer would also bring him thesame punishment as the two other students before

him. After the punishment, the precept master said,You are too smooth.

Next, we were told to appear before another precept master. This time, the question was quitedifferent. The precept master asked, Have you everviolated the precept against killing? Now, killing isa very serious offense, so we all shook our heads andsaid, No, we have never violated the precept againstkilling.


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The precept master then said, Impossible! Areyou telling me that you have never swatted a fly orstepped on an ant before? It is obvious that all of youare lying. With this, the precept master gave eachone of us a few strokes. I guess he was right. Wewere not telling the whole truth, and we deserved to

be punished. Then, another precept master asked usif we had violated the precept against killing. Thistime we replied, Yes teacher, we have violated the

precept against killing.

This is violation of the precepts and calls for punishment. With these words, the precept mastergave each one of us a few strokes with a whip. As theday progressed, we did not want to answer any ques-tions put before us. Helplessly, we just said, Teacher,

if you want to punish us, please do so.On the surface, this teaching method looks ri-

diculous and unreasonable. As it turned out, what ourteachers wanted to do was use the unreasonable toteach us to let go of our reasoning intellect and toteach us how to deal with our emotions withoutfeeling. If we could surrender ourselves in the face ofthe unreasonable without feeling, then would we not

be more apt to accept the truth? Their demonstration


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of the unreasonable and being without feeling was, infact, a tool to teach us to let go of our stubborn delu-sions. It was out of compassion that our teacherswere so unfeeling. Looking back, I was indeed verylucky to have the opportunity to be trained the oldschool way. The training was tough and painful, butwithout pain, how could there be greatness? If we donot throw iron scraps into the smelter, how can we getsteel? The stringent test we had to go through was a

blessing. The youths of today do not have the opportunity to be so tested; the education of today doesnot instill in our youths the spirit of toughness andendurance. Discipline, when coupled with compas-sion and remarkable love, is a means for teachers totruly prepare their students for greatness in the future.

III. Enlightened Love

There are many levels of love. When we extendour love from our spouse to our siblings, to our rela-tives and friends, to our neighbors, our fellow coun-trymen, all animals, and to all sentient beings, ourlove also matures. In this way, basic love first trans-forms into heroic love, which further matures intoenlightened love.


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A lot of us have heard about Ksitigarbha Bodhi-sattva. Before he became a bodhisattva, he cultivatedat the hills of Jiuhua in Anhui. This was a region ofvery steep hills and few people. At that time, therewas a young boy living with him. One day, thisyoungster could no longer bear to live in such isola-tion, so he asked to leave the temple and go backdown to the village below. Ksitigarbha escorted theyoungster down the mountain and offered him a

poem as a parting gift. From the sentiments in the poem, we can see the transcendental love that bo-dhisattvas have for us. The poem was:

Within the quiet gates of this temple you long for your family;

As you descend the mountain, you say goodbye to

this temple in the clouds.

You love to ride bamboo horses within bamboo fences;

Rather than collect gold sand in this land of gold.

Do not try to pick up the moon in the water while filling the vase;

Or try to play with the flowers in the water whilewashing the basin in the pond.


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Go, and do not shed a tear for me;

This old man has the clouds in the sky to keep himcompany.

In the first stanza, Ksitigarbha captured the feel-ing of the youngster: how lonely he was within thegates of the quiet temple and why he wanted to returnto his home in the village. In the second stanza, Ksi-tigarbha described what he was giving up in leavingthe temple. He described the little boys desire to ride

bamboo horses and play games rather than cultivatewithin the walls of the temple. In the third stanza,Ksitigarbha left words of advice for the youngster tokeep in mind. He told the little boy that when he tooka vase to go to the river to fill it with water, he would

see the reflection of the moon in the water. Hewarned the boy not to try to pick up the moon in thewater for it was just a reflection. Life in the world isillusive, too. Ksitigarbha also told the boy that hewhen he washed the basin in the pond, he should becareful not to mistake the reflections of trees andflowers in the water as a flowery world in the pond.In the fourth stanza, Ksitigarbha comforted theyoungster so that he would not feel guilty about


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nating mind. If we do not have any dislikes in ourminds, how can aversions arise? When our mind is

pure, everything and everywhere is pure. If a monklike myself cannot even let go of this bit of delusionand let compassion arise in its place, I should beashamed of myself for not living in accordance withthe Dharma.

Such is the love of arhats and bodhisattvas. Theirlove is embracive, their compassion knows no dis-crimination, and their view of self and others is rootedin equality.

Mahakasyapa was one the Buddhas great disciples. He was also an arhat. Mahakasyapas parents,who were very affluent, wanted him to get married,which was really not in his plans, for he wanted to

dedicate his life to Buddhist cultivation. After beingrepeatedly pressured by his parents, he had no choice

but to appease them. In order to buy some time, heasked a goldsmith to sculpt a statue of a beautifulyoung maiden. He took the sculpture to his parentsand told them that he would marry only if he couldfind someone as elegant as the gold sculpture. Inorder to get his son to marry, his parents asked a fewservants to carry the sculpture around the country and


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look for someone that could match its beauty. Theservants first spread word that the golden statue wasreally an image of a deva and would bring good luckto all young maidens who would come to pay respectto her. This way, all the young maidens heard aboutthis wonderful statue, and they all came forward to

pay their respects. Among the many who came, therewas one who was so striking in her beauty that thegold statue paled in comparison. She was the beau-tiful maiden Subhadra. They finally asked for the

permission of her parents and brought her back toMahakasyapas parents.

Mahakasyapa had no choice but to keep his promise to his parents, and the two were married. Asit turned out, this young lady also wanted to dedicate

her life to cultivation, and she complained to Ma-hakasyapa, This is really my parents idea. Theywanted me to marry you because of your familyswealth. As for me personally, I would rather live alife of cultivation. When Mahakasyapa heard this,he told her, Good. I also want to live a life of culti-vation. Why dont we practice separately? Sheagreed and though they were husband and wife inname, they both continued their own course of cul-


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tivation. After twenty years when both sets of parentshad passed away, they finally got their wish to re-nounce the household life and live a monastic life.They became a bhiksu and a bhiksuni respectively.Although Subhadra became a bhiksuni, her beautystill attracted the attention of many men. When shewent out to beg for alms, men would follow her andtease her. She was so taken aback by all the unwantedattention that she dared not go out to beg for alms.When Mahakasyapa saw what was happening toSubhadra, whom he once called his wife, he feltcompassion for her and shared with her whateverfood he got from his alms round. Others misread hiscompassion and began to circulate rumors by saying,Look! They said they were only husband and wife in

name, but they are still such a loving couple eventhough they are now in the Sangha. Subhadra la-mented that her physical beauty was in fact a burden,so she disfigured herself in the hope that she could

become a bhiksuni who was ugly in appearance but beautiful in her cultivation. From this, we can seethat the enlightened love and affection of arhats isdifferent from the worldly way that we normally

perceive love.


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Most people think that arhats, who are no longer bound by worldly emotions, are without emotions.This is not true at all. Though arhats have severed theties of emotions, they are rich in emotions. They areenlightened individuals who are rich in personalityand true to their character. When we say arhats areempty of emotions, what we mean is that they havetranscended the limited scope of man-woman kind oflove, and that they have expanded their love for a fewto a limitless and selfless compassion for all. Fromloving ones spouse, children, and family, we extendour love to the Dharma and all sentient beings. Thus,true love does not speak of possessing others. Truelove is the touching of others lives and the giving ofourselves for all.

IV. The Buddhas Kind of Love

The Buddha is a fully enlightened individual;what is the Buddhas emotional life like?

The Buddhas mother died seven days after giv-ing birth to him. The Buddha, who had alwayswanted to teach the Dharma to his mother to thankher for delivering him into this world, finally fulfilledhis wish and went to Trayastrimsas Heaven to teach


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the Dharma to his mother. When King Suddhodana,the father of the Buddha, passed away, all the princesexpressed their desire to be pallbearers. Though theBuddha was the fully enlightened one and was mostrevered, he still insisted on being one of the pall-

bearers for his father. When everyone saw the Bud-dha carrying the coffin, all were very moved. TheBuddha was indeed a filial son and a greatlyenlightened individual. He gave us a very goodexample of how to love our parents.

The Buddha loved everyone, friends and foesalike, equally and without discrimination. Before theBuddha renounced his household life, he was marriedto Princess Yasodhara of Devadista. Many years afterthe Buddha attained enlightenment, the Buddha went

back to his hometown to see his family. PrincessYasodhara had not seen the Buddha for all these yearsand wondered how her husband had changed. Filledwith hope and uncertainty, she was anxious aboutwhat to say to the Buddha, who was once her husband.After the Buddha met with his father, the imperialcourt, and various royal cousins, he finally met withPrincess Yasodhara. She thought to herself, I reallyhave to tell him what I think and how I feel and ask


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him why he left me. When Princess Yasodhara sawthe majestic look of the Buddha, she could not helpherself but knelt down before him. The Buddhalooked at her and said to her in a calm and stately toneof voice, Yasodhara, I have to ask for your forgive-ness for what I did to you. Though my leaving hometo cultivate was not fair to you, I am most true to allsentient beings. Now, I ask you to rejoice for me forit had been my wish for many kalpas to become theBuddha. My wish is to teach the Dharma and help allsentient beings, including yourself, cross the sea ofsuffering. His voice was compassionate, his ap-

pearance was august, and his words transcended allworldly love. Everyone was moved, and eventuallyYasodhara also renounced her household life. From

the way in which the Buddha handled his relationshipwith Yasodhara, we can see that to truly love a personis to help him or her grow and stay on the right path;to love a person does not necessarily mean a fairy talelife of living together happily ever after.

The Buddha did not just love his family; he alsoloved those who were hostile toward him. Thoughhis cousin, Devadatta, treated the Buddha like anenemy, the Buddha did not bear any grudges against


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him. In fact, the Buddha used to tell everyone thatDevadatta was his good teacher and instrumental inhelping him with his cultivation. Without darkness,how do we appreciate the light? Without evil, how dowe appreciate the goodness of truth? WithoutDevadatta, how do we see the greatness of the Bud-dha?

The Buddha did not just extend his compassion tothe rich and the mighty; he was equally compassion-ate to all sentient beings without discrimination.When his students were sick, the Buddha would

prepare medication or deliver water to them. Whenolder bhiksus failed in their eyesight and could notmend their clothes, the Buddha would personally helpthem thread needles or mend their clothes for them.

The Buddha loved his disciples like a loving mothercares for her children. To his disciples, the Buddhawas a source of light and strength. The Buddha ismost compassionate and gives us limitless hope!

The Buddha was also a very patient teacher andadapted his teachings to the student and the occasion.When Nidhi, who made his living disposing of nightsoil for others, felt inadequate and tried to avoid theBuddha, the Buddha purposely went out of his way to


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meet with him. With Ksudrapanthaka, who was veryslow and had trouble even memorizing a simple gatha,the Buddha spent extra time to teach the Dharma tohim. When his disciple, Katyayana, who was teach-ing the Dharma in another area, sent one of his youngstudents to pay respect to the Buddha, the Buddhamade sure that this young student was well cared for.The Buddha told his disciples, Now that the youngstudent of Katyayana has arrived, please set up a cotnext to my bed for him to rest for the night. Thegreat Buddha found time for everyone, even for ayoung student. In showing his concern for theyoungster, the Buddha was also showing his love forhis disciple who was away teaching the Dharma. TheBuddha often thought about Aniruddha, who lost his

sight because of long hours of cultivation and notgetting enough rest. Only after Aniruddha attainedsupernatural vision did the Buddha stop worryingabout him. The Buddha also worried about his cousinAnanda, who was very handsome and often attractedthe unwanted attention of women. Only after Ananda

became successful in his cultivation did the Buddhafeel a sigh of relief for his cousin.


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Thus, when we speak of love and affection, thereare actually many levels of love and affection. Lovestarts at home. We love our spouses, our children, andour siblings. From there, we extend our love to lov-ing our relatives and friends. Further, our love en-compasses all human beings and then all beings. A

possessive kind of love matures into a giving kind oflove, and finally into the enlightened love that bo-dhisattvas have for us. This kind of love is the greatcompassion that is described by the saying, I longfor all sentient beings to be free of suffering, but Iwould not seek pleasure just for myself.

Love is like water. On the one hand, it can nur-ture our lives; on the other hand, it can drown us.Thus, if we do not know how to love properly, love

can bring us many problems and ruin our lives. Howdo we love properly? Consider the following fourguidelines:

a. Love wiselyWe should use our wisdom to purify our love.

b. Love compassionatelyWe should use ourcompassion to manifest our love.

c. Love in accordance with the DharmaWeshould use the Dharma to guide our love.


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d. Love morallyWe should use morals andethics to direct our love.

Love is such an important subject in our lives.How do we love selflessly and offer our love to all?How do we transform a possessive love into a givinglove, to a love for the Dharma? How do we purify ourlove from one of discrimination to one of greatcompassion? How do we love in the spirit of thiscommon saying: Cultivate our kindness withoutconditions, and ground our compassion in oneness?These are very important questions for us to ponder.When we offer our love and affection to serve thecommunity, then our lives will be that much fullerand that much more everlasting!


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Venerable Master Hsing Yun

Founder of the Fo Guang Shan (Buddhas LightMountain) Buddhist Order and the Buddhas LightInternational Association, Venerable Master HsingYun has dedicated his life to teaching HumanisticBuddhism, which seeks to realize spiritual cultivationin everyday living.

Master Hsing Yun is the 48th Patriarch of theLinji Chan School. Born in Jiangsu Province, Chinain 1927, he was tonsured under Venerable MasterZhikai at the age of twelve and became a novicemonk at Qixia Vinaya College. He was fully or-

dained in 1941 following years of strict monastictraining. When he left Jiaoshan Buddhist College atthe age of twenty, he had studied for almost ten yearsin a monastery.

Due to the civil war in China, Master Hsing Yunmoved to Taiwan in 1949 where he undertook therevitalization of Chinese Mahayana Buddhism. He

began fulfilling his vow to promote the Dharma bystarting chanting groups, student and youth groups,and other civic-minded organizations with Leiyin


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Temple in Ilan as his base. Since the founding of FoGuang Shan monastery in Kaohsiung in 1967, morethan two hundred temples have been establishedworldwide. Hsi Lai Temple, the symbolic torch ofthe Dharma spreading to the West, was built in 1988near Los Angeles.

Master Hsing Yun has been guiding Buddhism ona course of modernization by integrating Buddhistvalues into education, cultural activities, charity, andreligious practices. To achieve these ends, he travelsall over the world, giving lectures and actively en-gaging in religious dialogue. The Fo Guang Shanorganization also oversees sixteen Buddhist collegesand four universities, one of which is the Universityof the West in Rosemead, California.

Over the past fifty years, Master Hsing Yun haswritten many books teaching Humanistic Buddhismand defining its practice. Whether providing insightinto Buddhist sutras, human nature, or inter-religiousexchange, he stresses the need for respect, compas-sion, and tolerance among all beings in order to alle-viate suffering in this world. His works have beentranslated into English, French, German, Indonesian,Japanese, Korean, Portuguese, Russian, Sinhalese,Spanish, Swedish, Thai, and Vietnamese.


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Buddhas Light PublishingF.G.S. Intl Translation Center

For as long as Venerable Master Hsing Yun has been a Buddhist monk, he has had a firm belief that books and other means of transmitting the Buddhasteachings can unite us spiritually, help us practiceBuddhism at a higher altitude, and continuouslychallenge our views on how we define and live ourlives.

In 1996, the Fo Guang Shan InternationalTranslation Center was established with this goal in

mind. This marked the beginning of a series of pub-lications translated into various languages from theMasters original writings in Chinese. Presently,several translation centers have been set up world-wide. Centers that coordinate translation or publica-tion projects are located in Los Angeles, USA;Montreal, Canada; Sydney, Australia; Berlin, Ger-many; France; Sweden; Argentina; Brazil; SouthAfrica; Japan; Korea; and Thailand.


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In 2001, Buddhas Light Publishing was estab-lished to publish Buddhist books translated by FoGuang Shan International Translation Center as wellas other important Buddhist works. Buddhas LightPublishing is committed to building bridges betweenEast and West, Buddhist communities, and cultures.All proceeds from our book sales support Buddhist

propagation efforts.

The staff of the Fo Guang Shan InternationalTranslation Center (ITC) hopes you have benefitedfrom reading our English booklets. We would like to

serve you even better in the future.Since the gift of the Dharma is the best kind of

giving, we need your support to help make futureEnglish booklets available to more people.

Please send donations to ITC, and make thecheck payable to BLIA . Thank you very much.


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Donations

The staff of the Fo Guang Shan InternationalTranslation Center hopes you have benefited fromreading our English booklets. We would like to serveyou even better in the future.

Since the gift of the Dharma is the best kind ofgiving, we need your support to help make futureEnglish booklets available to more people. Pleasemake your donations out to Fo Guang Shan Interna-tional Translation Center. Thank you very much.

Name: _____________________________________ Address:

_____________________________________ Tel:

_____________________________________ Amount of Donation:

_____________________________________ Please send donations with this page to BLP/ITC,

and make the check payable to BLIA . Thank youvery much.


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A Look at Modern Social Issues Buddhism and Our Changing Society 1

Written by: Venerable Master Hsing YunPublisher: Buddha's Light Publishing180 pages, 5.5 x 8.5, paperback

ISBN: 1-932293-22-1, US $15.00

This volume gives a partial record of an ex-traordinary series of lectures given by VenerableMaster Hsing Yun in different places around the

world. The topics that arecovered in these teachingsrange from the ethical con-cerns in biological sciencessuch as euthanasia to per-sonal challenges associatedwith suicide and depression.

Family management incontemporary life has beenaddressed, especially in re-gard to dealing with prob-lems of aging and hospicecare. We have entered into a

new era of cloning, virtual reality, internet commerce,and global life. In A Look at Modern Social Issues ,Master calmly addresses these potentially troublingissues.

speaking of love and affection

Documents