stay friends: a play
TRANSCRIPT
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Stay Friends: A Play
by
Billy McBride
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Copyright 2013, by William McBride
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Setting: The outside of a first-floor apartment. There is a pile of things. Two kids are playing near the door.
ACT 1
SEBASTIAN
Look here comes your neighbor.
JACOB
Hi!
ARIELLE
(Aside) Billy you can make friends with them. Offer themsome gum and tell them that you can have whatever they
find in your trash pile.
BILLY
Hi! Would you like some gum?
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SEBASTIAN and JACOB
Okay!!
BILLY
You're welcome to whatever you can find here. (They alllook) (Billy goes inside, Jacob picks up a trophy) (Billycomes out with a bag of trash)
You can have that if you like.
JACOB
Thanks! (Billy takes out the bag and meets Sylvia, astrange neighbor on the way in)
ARIELLE
Ask her Billy if she wants to look through the pile for something.
BILLY
Hi, I am cleaning and I have some stuff that I am throwingout if you are interested. I'm Billy.
SYLVIA
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I'm Silvia.
BILLY
Nice to meet you!
SYLVIA
My husband and I live up there. Ok, I will take a look.(she comes with him back to his door) (He leaves her outwith the kids looking in the pile) (Sebastian turns over agallon of glue and they all leave Billy to clean it up)(Jacob leaves the trophy)
TOV TOV SHALOM
They knocked over the glue!
BILLY
I'll clean it up.
HOPE
Billy, that girl Sylvia is me!
TOV TOV SHALOM
She is the Earth Hope, the prostitute a few floors up.
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BILLY
(Shocked) It's nice to meet you Hope here on Earth. (The
apartment manager comes by)
MARIA
What's this?!?
BILLY
It's just some glue and trash I'm throwing out. I'll clean itup.
MARIA
Ok. (Billy runs inside and pulls off the wall a cover concealing an elaborate matrix of construction-paper artdesigns) (He cleans up the mess returning outside with thecover and throws the remaining pile away)
TOV TOV SHALOM
Billy, it's time to clean your dishes in the bathtub.
BILLY
Ok. (Goes in)
STEVE
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(Knocks on the door) Hi, Billy!
BILLY
Hi, Steve. I finished your painting, but you can pay melater. (He gives Steve a painting of a huge world-likesphere)
STEVE
So it's sixty dollars?
BILLY
Yes.
STEVE
Thanks, I'll be in touch. (He leaves)
BILLY
Bye.
TONY
Hey Man.
BILLY
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Hi.
TONY
So this is your art. (He looks at it suspiciously) Billy, youneed to make that wall less busy. You can't attract womenthat way.
BILLY
Maybe so. (Tony sees a car)
TONY
Well, gotta go. The wife's just brought home some pizza.
BILLY
Bye.
TOV TOV SHALOM
Tony is her pimp! And, all those cars coming are her johns. And, she needs to separate from him.
BILLY
I want to help.
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TOV TOV SHALOM
You must wait now.
BILLY
Lately I have found that the way those constructionworkers are banging on the walls, its as if they are sendingeach other signals in a secret communication between all of them. It's bad.
TOV TOV SHALOM
That's just what they are doing. They are all collaboratorsin this prostitution of Sylvia and some other women. Theyare doing what is called "banging on the pipes of theUniverse." Just for now go play your piano.
BILLY
Ok. (Billy plays a good song on his piano) (All of theAngels cheer)
TOV TOV SHALOM
Awesome!
HOPE
That's really good music.
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BILLY
Thank you. Thank you Ha-Shem for helping me play onthe piano well. Ahovah. Amen. (There is a knock on thedoor)
HOPE
Answer it. It's okay Billy.
REUBEN
Hi, can I borrow an egg?
BILLY
I am sorry but I don't have any.
TOV TOV SHALOM
He likes your playing, trust me on that.
BILLY
I can't believe I met Sylvia! I will sing a song about her.
End of Act 1
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ACT 2
(Billy sings in his bedroom the song Who is Sylvia? byShakespeare) (The Angels all clap)
TOV TOV SHALOM
The neighbors upstairs heard you and they don't like you.(Sylvia and Tony are heard but not seen)
SYLVIA
Nice singing Billy.
TONY
You sound pretty good.
BILLY
Who is that?
TOV TOV SHALOM
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Billy, you can now hear the Angels of Sylvia and Tony,they are here.
TONY
Yes, we are here and we are going to help you.
SYLVIA
That was my Earth self you met, Billy. Things are bad for me down here, but up here in Heaven I am great.
BILLY
That's good to know.
TOV TOV SHALOM
Billy, Sylvia and Tony are now your students. That's prettyneat, right?
BILLY
Uh huh. They know about our book we are writing?
TOV TOV SHALOM
Yes, they know all about it and about your method in whichwe write.
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They like our art too. You have been teaching them aboutopposites. Our art is all about placing what looks hot withwhat looks cold to create a balance visually. They love
watching you do it.
BILLY
Like this? (Billy makes an arrangement on the table)
TOV TOV SHALOM
Yes, just like that. That is also how you write as you know, by blending opposites.
SYLVIA
We want to see more Billy M..
TONY
What about that pile?
BILLY
Ok. (He arranges it in a hot/cold style perfectly)
SYLVIA
That's just right!
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HOPE
It is also connected to history Billy. As you know, we are
proponents for Barack Obama's Universal Health Care. Wewant it to pass very badly in Congress. It is just about todo so and it will mean big changes for everybody inAmerica. Many people are getting edgy about it as youknow: some like the idea and some don't. It will bring, likeour M.O.A.T. plan, so much hope for the poor.
BILLY
Yes, I know.
TOV TOV SHALOM
We have to clean our apartment Billy even more sinceinspection is coming soon. Samuel Johnson and WilliamHazlitt are here Billy. I want you to pay attention.
End of Act 2
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ACT 3 (in that night)
HOPE
A very bad man was finally caught tonight, he was keepingwomen trapped in his home.
BILLY
How awful.
JILL
I have an idea.
BILLY
What is it dear?
JILL
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Let's read a little bit from Stories and Poems for ExtremelyIntelligent Children by Harold Bloom.
BILLY
That sounds good. (He reads a little with them)
TOB SHBEEB
Now, let's work on you presentation in your portfoliowhich your Mom gave to you. We want you to put
photographs of those paintings and models you made in it.
BILLY
Ok.
JILL
You are wrestling now Billy with the poets and artists youlearn about. We are going to choose a new name for you.You have earned it. We will call you "B'nayvoovah." Thismeans that you will become a scholar, it is Hebrew for "little doll scholar" and as a writer you will show peoplehow you are not a reprobancer but a Bunny Boo Boo.
Jennifer's new nickname is Gooeycoocoon.
BILLY
Ha! I like that name, thank you Ahovat.
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JILL
Write it down in Hebrew so that you remember it. (Hedoes)
HOPE
We want to work in an unusual manner on something Billy.Do you see that Ein Soph diagram that we call the BananaTree.
BILLY
Yes.
HOPE
Trust me on this, now cut it up using your special scissors.
BILLY
Ok. (He cuts it up)
HOPE
Now that one too...and that one...(He cuts the other EinSophs up)
TOB SHBEEB
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Thank you Billy, now tape them back together and putthem in the portfolio with that bookmark of Shakespeare's
character Antonio who is ripping up the debt letter of Shylock.
BILLY
I will do just that. (His radio buzzes a little)
JILL
Don't worry Billy, that's Honey Bee, she knows what weare all doing.
BILLY
Honey Bee!
JILL
Now it's time to clean the apartment for inspection.
End of Act 3
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challenges, so good that they are bad: bad because youneed to struggle with them to find a space of your wn to beunique. You must overcome them.
JILL
A gnostic teaching and knowing is happening to you.
HOPE
What is it Billy?
BILLY
(As Billy starts to clean a bit he stops in front of a cuttingknife)Is this a dagger I see before me?
HOPE
Yes, Billy by quoting Macbeth and more you will find away around your apartment as we guide you to be better atwhat you do with us Angels.
TOV TOV SHALOM
Let's play hydromancy while we clean!
JENNIFER
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makes coffee and tea bringing the pot with him whiledancing, stirring the pot with the knife)
JENNIFER
That coffee and tea is medicine. Those abstract paintingsyou painted are X-rays on the wall. Billy, look around.
BILLY
I know, I'm gonna help people out.
JENNIFER
Your Mousie stuffed animal is sick. Put that medicine byhim; now put the circular clock on the wall. (he does) (hedoes every move without stopping, very deliberately andgracefully as if the dance has a purpose in everymovement)
HOPE
You are now a Stay Friends Afterlife Doctor helping thoseon Earth pass Universal Health Care.
BILLY
I know it's awesome!
HOPE
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Billy! You are the Archangel Gabriel! Hundreds of peopleare watching you clean, everybody you know, family and
friends. This is important Billy!
JILL
Now spray there for bugs! (he does and some fall out of acrack dead)
HOPE
Billy, get a little dirty. (he does as he dances around andcleans grimy messes)
JILL
Fill up those trash bags, Billy/Gabriel.
BILLY
I will put the painting of Nurse Elaine by my War andPeace painting. She will look after the sick onesrepresented in those abstract X-rays.
JILL
Good job.
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End of Act 4
ACT 5
JILL
Billy, you are struggling with mighty poets for space.There is a central poem which you are in, which containsyou now. See that model you made of that skyscraper?
BILLY
Yes.
JILL
I know you like that model but it has to be thrown out. It's bad, you will see.
BILLY
Ok. (He goes over and squashes it with his feet)
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JILL
It is as if you are Jacob wrestling the anonymous Angel. It
is because you are trying to get others off dope andteaching them to read.
BILLY
They all can hear you and I.
JILL
I know, by cleaning for inspection, you are performingmiracles. You know how to move, what to do, where to putthings so that they have special meanings because you arethe Archangel Gabriel.
BILLY
I know.
JILL
Our M.O.A.T. project is similar. You must work like youdid tonight on it in the future for us all.
BILLY
I want to, especially now that things like Facebook havestarted this year.
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JILL
Doing your moneymaking moves will help us to findsponsors for M.O.A.T., it will help with its fundraising.
BILLY
I know. (He sits down in much pain) (It is almostmorning)
HOPE
Billy, that trash is you pain!
JILL
We want you to take out all of the trash before you go back to sleep.
KELLY
Yes, Billy, I was playing the real Ha-Shem some of thenight as you were moving around. We want the trash out,go for it. (Billy gets up, marches outside in about ten trips
with Tob Shbeeb and Jill cheering him)
JILL
Billy, why wait to find the cures?!! You are Gabriel!
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sculpture, like a Tabernacle Ark. "William Shakespeare" isyour name here.
(Billy exhausted falls quietly asleep)
FINIS