steve kayser - beerburgers in paradise redux the continuing quest for the holy business grail

8/14/2019 Steve Kayser - Beerburgers in Paradise Redux The Continuing Quest for the Holy Business Grail

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Beerburgers in Paradise Redux

TheContinuing Quest for the Holy Business Grail

by Steve Kayser with Dr. Elliot McGucken

In Search of the Next Big Thing

Every business, entrepreneur, idealist, or visionary, wants to be the one to find the Holy

Business Grail the next big technology or product that will change the world forever.

Ive found it. I have it.

The ultimate product. The benefits to humanity AA (astronomically astounding). Thats

right. The world youre living in is close to the long-predicted techno-Singularity.

Take a Deep Breath

Youll be overwhelmed. You may need help breathing. But youre going to have to wait

until the end of this article to find out what it is.

I know Ive said it before. Perhaps last when Id developed a device to RFID track, deliver,

and most importantly,perpetually produceearths greatest natural resourceat a

minuscule cost compared to current production methods.

This Time Im for Real

Had thoseprofessionals (ahem) at the Academy of Non-Sciences OK'd my meager

$150-million-dollar product-research grantrequest, the world would now be a much better

place.

But they didnt. Hence, all have suffered. But take heart.


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Its time, once again, to and to battle our way into future history books.

The term Shoot the Donkey" refers to a classic scene in the movie "Patton" (based upon

a true life event) where the Third Army gets critically held up in battle on a bridge, by a

cart-pulling donkey that had stopped and refused to budge, totally blocking the bridge. Lifeand death are at stake. An MP struggles with the donkey and the owner, trying to get them

out of the way. But with no success.

The entire Third Army halts for this recalcitrant donkey.

General George Pattonroars up, leaps out of his jeep, whips out his ivory-handled

pistol, shoots the donkey, and immediately has it hurled off the bridge, removing the

obstacle.

The Great Leadership Principle

That classic scene not only revealed Patton's character in a cinematic way,but also

embodies the great leadership principle of taking decisive action to remove all obstacles to

fulfill one's mission.

A Miserable Failure

However, I had used most of my Shoot the Donkeylessons and insights on my last business

venture/mission, and failed miserably.

Passion. Product. Positioning. Price, but No

I have the passion. Now I have the product. Its perfectly positioned and priced for instant

success. But I just lack the lastP (power).

Ive learned about the Complex Sale, Marketing and Advertising, PR, Overcoming

Adversity, and Strategic Leadership, but have still failed to raise the money to get my

world-shaking venture to market.

Smart Female Friends Unquestionable Testimonial

I was, as a very smart female friend of mine once told me;

Basement Balcony Beckons

At one point Id considered ending it all by throwing myself off the basement balcony. (Id

tried it before and wasnt too successful either.) Then I had the unbelievably repugnant

thought that it might be all about looks.


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Maybe I wasnt pretty enough?

No. That couldnt be it.

Killing Kilt

Maybe I needed to dress differently? Im quite the dapper, hillbilly-chic, power-kilt, business

dresser. But what if the kilt was killing my chances to raise money and get my idea and

product to market?

Time to Change?

I tried something different. Something not particularly flashy, but vibrant, with lots of living

colors

and well, it didnt work either.

Needs Professional


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I decided I needed a doctor. Not a normal doctor. A doctor that knew how to professionally

position my venture and business plan to make investors flock to my entrepreneurial vision.

I needed a doctor with entrepreneurial, yet artistic acumen. A creativegenius like me

one that could appreciate brilliance.

A person that would understand and enable me to

to help me overcome adversity, obstacles and inner demons that were preventing my

inevitable place in history. A person that could help paint my entrepreneurial masterpiece on

the business canvas of life.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Well, after a short random search (35 years, three days, and 17 hours), I found one.

Just one.


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Only one.

Someone that was aimed the same way I was.

Enter: Dr. Elliot McGucken, a.k.a. Doctor E.

Dr. E is the epitome of an artistic entrepreneur. He founded jollyroger.com in 1995, and now

runs over 30 sites. He presented Authena Open Source DRM/CMS at the Harvard Law

School OSCOM, and 22surfwas accepted to the Zurich OSCOM. Both Authena and 22surfare aimed at helping indie artists/creators. Dr. E received a B.A. in physics from Princeton

and a Ph.D. in physics from UNC Chapel Hill where his dissertation on an artificial retina

for the blind received several NSF grants and a Merrill Lynch Innovations Award. The

retina-chip research appeared in publications including "Popular Science" and "Business

Week," and the project continues to this day.

The New York Times deemed Dr. Es work as simply unprecedented."The Los Angeles

Times referred to the classical portal as "a lavish virtual community known as The Jolly

Roger." Dr. E has also published four books including two novels and a poetry collection.

Make Your Passion Your Profession

And Dr. E teaches a spectacular business course calledArtistic Entrepreneurship (basedupon his soon-to-be-released book with the same title) on how to make your passion your

profession.

Steve: I need help. I have this great business idea

Dr. E: I heard. And you need, let me guess, money?

Steve: Well, yes. A piddling amount

$250 million for initial research.


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Dr. E: Oh. is that all?

Steve: To start. I dont want to seem overly aggressive. I sent you some info

Dr. E: I started reading your business plan.

Steve: (BEAMS)

Dr. E: It sucks.

Steve: (Unbeams)

Dr. E: You dont even tell a good story to get an investor interested. I thought you were

supposed to be a storyteller.

Steve: I have won multiple awards for telling

Dr. E: Fables and fibs?

Steve: How did you know? Skip Press tells you? I did get the famous Fables, Fibs and

Fantastically Flubbed Faux Pauxaward.

Dr. E: Impressive. But your plan had no story. I quit reading after the first 20 words.

Business is nothing without story; brand is nothing without story. Venture capitalists are

nothing without story. Venture Capitalists are nothing without your story.

Can you tell me your story - this world-changing idea you have?

Beerburger in Paradise ReduxSteve: (hesitates) Im pretty sure no one will read or hear this, but you still have to keep it

on the down-low. I dont want anyfast-talking, slick-dressing, Wall Street banker

business type cribbing the idea from me. It happened once before when I was trying to

start aBeerburger in Paradise Restaurant. Totally cribbed the idea from me. Gave it to

some no-name relative of his.

The rest isnt history.

Dr. E: Right. Mum's the word.Go on already.

Steve: Its an astronomically astounding, revolutionary, cutting-edge, robust

platform-neutral, portable (almost probably), seamless (virtually, besides some minor

cracks), robuster-LMNOP, robustest, interoperable, supraluminal, hypothetical, translucent,

nanotech, scientific breakthrough.

Dr. E: (SILENCE) English please.

Steve: What?


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Dr. E: What is it?

Steve: I was telling you.

Dr. E: Ithmm ...

Steve: What?

Rarely Un-rare Disease

Dr. E: It sucks. Words with no meaning. I diagnose you with a rarely unrare corporate

business disease. Corporate gobbledygook. multiple platform BS (bureaucratic speech) with

a tinkled tinge of manic-megalomania. Youll need to take a dose of myArtistic

Entrepreneurremedy.

Steve: English please.

Dr. E: The Artistic Entrepreneurremedy is based on classical story elements as outlined in

Aristotle's Poetics. It helps you make your passion your profession.

Steve: Aristotle was a poet?I didn't know it.

Dr. E: Think of it as combining the arts, entrepreneurial ventures, and technology with

Joseph Campbell's Hero With a Thousand Faces structure. Itll help tell your

entrepreneurial story in a business plan with adventures akin to Campbell's "Hero's

Journey. Along the way youll encounter antagonists and pitfalls, but these shall be

overcome by the end and you will be off to pursue your artistic entrepreneurial ventures.

Steve: With money?

Dr. E: If you do it right.

Steve: Dont you want to know what it is first?

Dr. E: No. First you need a grounded foundation of the Artistic Entrepreneur mindset. The

vision. The journey. Whats the brand that has outlasted all others in history?

Insight 1

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly,

and I did ... I said I didn't know.

Mark Twain

Steve: Im not a historian. Im a visionary.

Dr. E: Homers brand has outlasted every other brand in history. Homer mustve known

something about business. Homer mustve spoken the truth. Since hes passed on, billions

of business plans and legal reports have come and gone. Billions of fashions and fads.

Billions of politicians and false prophets.

But we still read Homer. So be like Homer.

Steve: Be like Homer?


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Dr. E: Not that Homer! Tell your venture in story. Tell your story in truths. We live in an era

of stories without story, characters without character, business plans without business sense,

and art without art. We live in an era of poetry without rhyme and words without meaning.

The artist and the entrepreneur must merge in story. If you want to get it right, re-read The

Declaration of Independence and Constitution. They are the two most fundamental business

documents for artists and entrepreneurs.

Steve: (Re-read?) Let me get this straight. I have to study?

Dr. E: Yes. Classics from Aristotle's Poetics to the Bill of Rights. Every work of art tells a

story, and behind that work of art is a parallel story the business of its creation,

promotion, and distribution.

Insight 2

Every work of art tells a story,

behind that work of art is a parallel story;

the business of its creation, promotion, and

distribution.

- Dr. E

Steve: So business is behind art?

Dr. E: And art business. Artistic Entrepreneurship is a lot of work, but the kind of exalted

work that is rooted in a creative vision. As Edison said, genius is 1% inspiration and 99%

perspiration. If you study the careers of famous artists, entertainers, and entrepreneurs,

youll see how much work, how much relentless, unyielding effort was devoted en route to

achieving their dreams. A common theme will be just when it seems all is lost, a new day

dawns.

Insight 3

Relentless, unyielding effort yields

a new day dawning, a dream realized.

Dr. E

The harder one works, the more fun it will be.

Steve: Ive heard that one before. Give me an example.

Insight 4

Hard work never killed anybody;

but why take the chance?

- Edgar Bergen


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Dr. E: Steven Jobs never programmed, nor designed a microchip, and yet he's responsible

for Apple, Pixar, the Macintosh, and the iPod. He lead and still leads hundreds of the best

and brightest designers, programmers, and visionaries.

Insight 5

The harder one works, the more fun it will be.

Dr. E

Steve: Another example?

Dr. E: Richard Branson never played an instrument nor piloted an airplane, and yet he's

responsible for Virgin Airlines, Virgin Records, Virgin Mobile, and a ton of other companies.

He too leads hundreds of the best and brightest.

Steve: Ive heard of him he was great in Death Wish I, II, III, and IV. I had no idea hewas a leader too seemed like the lone wolf type to me. Always out at night stayed out

of light.

Dr E: Not Bronson, Branson!

Insight 6

When Alexander the Great visited Diogenes and

asked whether he could do anything for the famed

teacher, Diogenes replied:

Only stand out of my light.

Perhaps some day we shall know how to heighten

creativity. Until then, one of the best things we can

do for creative men and women is to stand out of

their light.

- John W. Gardner

Steve: Can I tell you my idea yet?

Dr. E: No.

Steve: But

Dr. E: All successful artistic ventures require a vision encompassing a wide array of talents,

disciplines, and vocations. These people brought a wide array of talented people together.

Modern artistic ventures require huge respect for all professions. You need to work in groups

combining writers, computer programmers, artists, marketers, business majors, and more.


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Insight 7

Communicate. Cooperate. Collaborate.

Building businesses is not about making money, but its about creating wealth. To the

degree you can serve people, to the degree you can enhance peoples lives, you will be

successful.

Insight 8

Create. Enhance. Serve.

But first, you must communicate your vision to serve and enhance peoples lives. And, if

you tell it in story a story that resonates with the inner stirrings of the human soul

archetypes youre on the artistic entrepreneurs Heroes Journeyto ultimate success.

Joseph Campbell laid this out in the first part of The Hero With a Thousand Faces,

The Adventure of the Hero. He believed everyone is born with the basic subconscious model

of what a "hero" is, or a "mentor" or a "quest." His thesis was that all myths follow this

structure to at least some extent.

A Three-Step Process

Departure deals with the hero venturing forth on his quest.1.

Initiation deals with the hero's various adventures along his or her way.2.

Return deals with the hero's return home with knowledge and powers that he or she has

acquired along the way.

3.

Steve: Hmm. Sounds suspiciously like a beginning, middle, and end.

The Call to Adventure

The quest begins with the hero in a state of neurotic anguish.


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Dr. E: You do that well. The quest is often announced to the hero by another character who

acts as a herald.

Dr. E: Interesting herald. Are you trying to tell me something?

Steve: Just trying to keep up Doc.

Dr. E: In Star Wars,Luke Skywalker, the hero, begins the story in frustration over

being unable to leave home. The heralds are the two droids who carry a message from

Princess Leia. In The Matrix, the call comes in the form ofMorpheus and his followers

who encourage the hero, Neo, to question reality.

Why Would Anyone Question Reality?


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In The Lord of the Rings,Gandalfacts as the herald who gives Frodo his mission to

destroy the One Ring. Aragorn, in a separate hero's journey, is told by Elrondof his true

name and lineage as the Heir ofIsildur and rightful heir to the throne ofGondor when he

is 20 years of age.

Steve: Too complicated. I just want to tell you my idea. Its going to change the world!

Dr. E: Then

Refusal of the Call

In many stories, the hero initially refuses the call to adventure.

When this happens, the hero suffers somehow, and eventually chooses the quest.

Steve: Now I get that. I have suffered. Oh how I have suffered. Sometimes its a real painin the

Dr. E: In Star Wars, Luke is initially uninterested in helping the Rebel Alliance,

preferring to stay on the farm; it is only when his foster parents are killed that he begins

the quest. In The Matrix, Neo refuses to take the window-washing equipment to escape and


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is captured by the agents.

Supernatural Aid

Along the way, the hero often encounters a helper, usually a wise old man, who gives the

hero both psychological and physical weapons.

Dr. E: Not quite what I was talking about.

In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam Gamgee receive help early in their journeyfrom several figures, notablyTom Bombadil, Bilbo, and Gandalf.Hannibal Lecter, in

The Silence of the Lambs gives Agent Starling many psychological weapons.

Steve: Hmm. You dont like my wise helper, but you like this guy?Maybe its not me that

needs a doctor.

Crossing of the First Threshold

The hero eventually must cross into a dark underworld, where he will face evil and darkness,

and thereby find true enlightenment. Before this can occur, however, the hero must cross

the threshold between his home world and the new world of adventure. Often this involves

facing off against and quelling a threshold guardian.

Steve: My idea involves crossing a threshold a real threshold!

Dr. E: Hold that thought. In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo finally accepts his mission in

Rivendell and crosses the threshold once he leaves there. Also in Rivendell, Aragorn meets

Boromir who tells of the plight that Gondor is now in while at the same time confronting


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those present for not aiding Gondor; Aragorn sees that he must now save Gondor and claim

the kingship. In The Odyssey, Odysseus must pass the island of the Sirens.

The Belly of the Whale

Dr. E: Having defeated the threshold guardian, the hero finds himself in a place of darkness

where he begins his true adventure, perhaps discovering his true purpose. This belly of the

whale may be an ambiguous place ofdream-like forms.

Steve: AHHHHH

Dr. E: The name for this stage of the monomyth is based upon the story of Jonah. In Star

Wars, it is the Death Star, in which Luke is engulfed and in which he learns how to be a

hero. In The Silence of the Lambs, Starling finds the serial killer Buffalo Bill's first

victim within the dark, womblike storage facility.

Initiation The Road of Trials

Dr. E: Once in the underworld, the hero is repeatedly challenged with mental and physical

obstacles that must be overcome.

Steve: Oh no. I know whats next ...

Dr. E: Now that donkey is scary. Often these take the form of a test, by which the heroimproves his skills and proves his worth.

Steve: Even while overloaded with all that other stuff?

Dr. E: Yes.

Steve: I knew it. Been there.


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Dr. E: In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke undergoes his training with Yoda. Aragorn,

after the loss of Gandalf in Moria, must now take the position of leader of the Fellowship,

and struggles to lead them as well as Gandalf wanted to.

Meeting With the Goddess

Dr. E: After overcoming the Road of Trials, the hero often encounters a goddess-like

woman: beautiful, queen-like, or motherly. This is a grand reward for the hero.Steve: Im all about grand rewards.


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Dr. E: In The Matrix Reloaded, Neo takes Trinity as a lover. In The Lord of the Rings,

Frodo meets Galadriel, who shows him the future. Aragorn also meets Galadriel, who

counsels him on his future actions. In The Silence of the Lambs, Buffalo Bill kidnaps a

senator's daughter and the female senator initially appears as a benevolent, matriarchal

force.

Temptation

However, the Goddess may also negate the hero's progress through lustor greed. This may

distract the hero from his ultimate goal and plunge him back into darkness.

Steve: Temptation you have to deal with that too?

Dr. E: Yes, just like in The Matrix Reloaded, Persephone attempts to seduce Neo. In

The Odyssey, the temptress is the nymph Calypso. In The Silence of the Lambs, the

offer of a reduced sentence for Hannibal Lecter, supposedly authorized by the senator, is

revealed as a trick. Now onto the

Apotheosis

Steve: Im not sick.

Dr. E: Not Apothecary. Apotheosis. The hero's ego is disintegrated in a breakthrough

expansion of consciousness. Quite frequently their idea of reality is changed. They may find

themselves able to do new things or able to see a larger point of view allowing them to

sacrifice themselves. In the Empire Strikes Back, Luke sacrifices himself rather than turn

to the dark side. In The Matrix Reloaded, Neo destroys several Sentinels in the real world

using only his mind. Aragorn gains command of the immortal Army of the Dead, making his

forces undefeatable.

Steve: About this sacrificing thing

Dr. E: Its necessary.

Steve: Then you do it. Ill make sure youreproperly memorialized.

The Ultimate Boon

Dr. E: Having achieved personal enlightenment, the hero's psychological forces are again

balanced.

Steve: That balancing thing can be a little dicey if you arent properly balanced

No telling what might pop out!

Dr. E: Point taken. But this new-found knowledge, or boon, also has potential to benefit

society.

Steve: Okay, my turn. The benefit to society thing. Im with you. Thats what my idea is all

about.

Dr. E: Hold on just a little bit longer, were not finished yet. In The Lord of the Rings, all


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of the hobbits gain wisdom and experience during their journey, which allows them to easily

set things right in the Shire on their return. By calling upon his heritage as the Heir of

Isildur to take command of the Army of the Dead, Aragorn is now more in tune with his true

nature and purpose as rightful heir to the throne of Gondor than ever before.

The Magic Flight

Dr. E: A mad dash is made by the hero to return with the prize.

Steve: Ive never been successful with mad dashes.

Insight 9

Not all mad dashes are created equal.

- Steve

In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam are rescued from the slopes of Mt. Doom by

Gandalf and the Eagles (which is also a "Rescue from Without"). Aragorn, after exiting the

Paths of the Dead with his new invincible Shadow Army, must now make a mad dash across

Gondor in a race against time to liberate the coast from an invasion of Corsairs, then lead

the Southern army of Gondor north to save Minas Tirith from destruction, all in only sixdays.

Steve: I understand.

The Crossing of the Return Threshold

Before the hero can return to the real world, he must confront another threshold guardian.

The first threshold was a symbolic death; this is now a symbolic rebirth.

Steve: My symbolism is through the roof.

Dr. E: That made absolutely no sense.

Steve: It will.

Dr. E: Okaaaaaay moving on. In Return of the Jedi, Luke again confronts Darth Vader.

In The Lord of the Rings, the final threshold for the hobbits re-entering the Shire is

guarded by Saruman and his Ruffians. For Aragorn, this means making a final confrontation

with Sauron's forces in a suicidal attack on his massive army at the Black Gate.

Steve: Call me crazy, but a suicidal attack on a massive army really doesnt fit into my

business plan.


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your passion your profession. Help you attract and retain a diverse group of the best, the

brightest, the hardest working, from writers to software coders, to bankers, to R & D geeks,

and most importantly, to buyers and customers.

Insight

10

Message - must move and motivate.

Dr. E: Well finally, go ahead, tell me your revolutionary idea. Well work together to align it

with the mythic symbolism that throbs inside us all seeking new vistas for humanity.

HERE WE GO HOLD ON

Steve: Okay, Ive discovered a nanotech material that is translucent, waterproof,

impenetrable and indestructible. It also incorporates nano-size semi-conducting pinheads

called quantum dots.

Dr. E: (Attention piqued) And?

Steve: Ive successfully tested it already. Heres the deal. You strip the roof of a house (or

any building). Spray on this translucent nano-material. It sets/gels in less than 30 seconds.

Dr. E: I get it! I get it!

Steve: Im not done yet.

Dr. E: Itll provide high thermal insulation, reduce energy costs, and create a quieter indoorenvironment?

Steve: Yes in any color imaginable. And the best is yet to come.

Dr. E: The market and benefits of an artistically designed, eye-catching architectural roof

masterpiece - unbelievable!

Steve: Doc, slow down. You need to be more like me a renaissance thinker.

Dr. E: What?

Steve: I had the material engineered so that when applied correctly, it turns into a

DONKEY MOOD ROOF!Think of it! The Homer Brandcombined with da Vinci beauty and

simplicity.

da Vinci Donkey Roofs?

(Do you dare click?)

Dr. E:(complete silence that is building toward a transformational moment)


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Insight

11

Can you imagine the possibilities?

Steve: The nanotech roof material resonates with the mood of the people in the house and

then displays it for all to see. Imagine the harmony thatll result when you drive home and

see a

Think of the social benefits!

Or, if someone is having a bad day,

How great will that be for conflict avoidance?

Dr. E:(transformational moment)

Steve: Dr. E? Dr. E? Got you speechless? Theres only one bad side effect I need to resolve.

For some goofy reason, this scientist I was working with (recently deceased he had a

heart attack when I told him of my plans for the Donkey Mood Roof) insisted on having the


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material retain and generate power. Darnedest thing. Turns the roof into a perpetual power

plant.

Dr. E: What?

Steve: Certainly are sparse with the words now Doc. Yes, turns the thing into a perpetualpower-producing plant. You can even unplug your house from the electric company. Therein

lies the problem.

Dr. E: What again?

Steve: To be successful, you have to focus. I cant be focusing on two things at once. And,

do you know how much trouble it would be to take down all of those wires?

Unplug from the electric company?

Insight

12

He was distinguished for ignorance;

for he had only one idea,

and that was wrong.

Disraeli


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Dr. E: (devious thought)

Maybe I can help you out with the pitiful power-producing problem. Ill see if I can get

anyone interested in that dreadful problem. You might have to pay me to take it off your

hands though. But, on the bright side (so to speak), it would allow you to focus.

Steve: OK. But what do you think about my Donkey Mood Rooftmi? Can you imaginehow cool the heroes journey will be while we weave our mystical mythical symbolism

throughout the story?

Dr. E: Yes. Im already working it through my mind

Insight

13

First they ignore you,

then they laugh at you,

then they attack you,

then you win.

Gandhi

About Dr. Elliot McGucken:

Dr. Elliot McGucken is an artistic entrepreneur. He founded jollyroger.com in 1995, and he

now runs over 30 sites ranging in content from the great books and classics to Digital Rights

Management (DRM) and open-source technologies. He presented Authena Open Source

DRM/CMS at the Harvard Law School OSCOM, and 22surf was accepted to the Zurich

OSCOM. Both Authena and 22surf are aimed at empowering indie artists/creators.

COMMERCIAL BREAK:

Cool car!

Steve: But Dr. E you named it Moby Dick?


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Dr. E: Thats right. What do you call your corvette?

Steve: A Jeep. Sometimes I call it my sweet little thang.

Dr. E: And I thought I had issues. Can you at least finish my bio before you go off?

Elliot received a B.A. in physics from Princeton and a Ph.D. in physics from UNC Chapel Hill

where his dissertation on an artificial retina for the blind received several NSF grants and a

Merrill Lynch Innovations Award. The retina-chip research appeared in publications includingPopular Science and Business Week, and the project continues to this day.

Known as Dr. E to his students, Elliot has won the Tanner Award for Excellence in

Undergraduate Teaching.

About Steve Kayser:

Do you really need to know more after that story?

Steve is currently Cincom's Expert Access Editor and PR Manager.

In his spare time, Steve models kilts for Un-Vanity, Non-GQ and The Manly Kilt Wearing

Man's monthly magazines. Steve also headlines fundraising events for his run at an Olympic

Gold Medal in the kilt-wearing mechanical bull riding competition to be held in Cincinnati,Ohio in 2050. For more info, you can contact Steve at [email protected].

In addition, Steve is retained by Cincom (on a very tenuous, minute-by-minute basis) to

inspire and motivate others by fulfilling a famous Mark Twain axiom,

"Let us be thankful for the fools;

but for them the rest of us could not succeed."

steve kayser - beerburgers in paradise redux the continuing quest for the holy business grail

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