ToPina,

my devoted and arrogant catwho died this year

after 18 years of honorable existence.

Once upon a time And that time is upon us today There turned a sister world Not all that different, some might say, From the one you see And live in every day: Things shrank and grew And swam and flew But in an oddly, inverted sort of way…

Magic for example Involved a rabbit and a hat, A magician and a wand as well. The only slight distinction (As you can probably tell) Was that the rabbit cast the spell. Hanging by the rabbit’s paw Upside down for all to see, The magician had been turned Into a frightened mockery.

In summer too the weather Would get hotter. And when people were a nuisance Flies got out their swatter, Turning even those with The greatest gall Into nothing more than a dead Guy on the wall

And plentiful in these parts They were everywhere to be seen Were well-mannered and noble Connoisseurs of fine cuisine. ‘What comes highly recommended’, Headwaiters were known to say, ‘Is the chef’s very own creation With a glass of Chardonnay’.

And when times were tough The popularity of such things as betting grew Although why betting on juvenile fisticuffs Was most popular, no one knew. Some said it was a quick way To earn some winnings, large or small. Others believed in the beauty of bruises And said it wasn’t about the money at all.

Circus lovers weren’t hard to find: A good spectacle was high up on anyone’s list. Why, there was Long John Silver, Swallowing long silver swords, And Grendel, the giant contortionist. But the act that dropped most jaws, And which to see one would give most anything Was when little Tubby Thomas Would jump the fiery ring.

And on weekends and evenings It was common indeed To nurture the mind And have a good read. Others would claim it was Food for the soul— Sitting with an old book As their pets swam in a bowl.

A delicatessen, some argued with great fervour, Was a vital and indispensable thing— The icing on the cake of life, some said, Gloating over the pleasures it would bring. For these were rare and precious foods Never lacking gastronomic zing And to breed and prepare these One had to take them under one’s wing.

All sorts of things were thought up To test ones mettle, ones valour and ones pride. And to stun and woo the crowds Little remained untried But oddly nothing was thought of quite so highly As to fend off a weakened man’s weary attack Then confuse him with a dishcloth …And stab him in the back!.

Keeping your teeth shiny and white Was considered healthy as well— The prerequisite for a strong bite, Good looks and breath of freshly smell. What may seem uncommon to you And what many children weren’t told Is that healthy teeth were thought a precious thing That wealthy elephants bought and sold.

And if to keep warm in winter you would Start a fire that might be crafty, sure, But wouldn’t it also sort of suggest That you were just downright poor? There were much smarter ways to stop The cold from getting in: Some were so nifty in fact That their cunning went right under ones skin.

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Hunting was popular and similarly Not for the faint of heart. And each year plenty of kills were made Whenever hunting season would start. There was once even a time when Hunting decided who did and didn’t get fed. But to hunt for fun? Nobody was too sure how that Got into anyone’s head.

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And so this is how things went From day to day. Surely strange, but somehow familiar Wouldn’t you say?

So to stay in your world What would you give? Or would you come along if I told you This is where you could live?

…you can’t practice the piano with one arm caught in a mousetrap.