study guide growing friendships 1 · 2019-12-08 · growing friendships study guide by tracy klehn...

Growing Friendships Study Guide by Tracy Klehn www.tracyklehn.com

Growing Friendships Study Guide by Tracy Klehn

Welcome! I am delighted that you are joining me to delve deeper into the topic of “Growing Friendships.” I trust that as you invest the time and energy to connect more deeply with the people God has placed in your life that you will experience even more of what God has for you through the gift and lifeline of friendship.

First things first...at the end of each chapter in the book Growing Friendships you will find a few questions (In the “Ponder” section). I feel so strongly that these questions will help you “delve deeper,” that I have included them once more in this study guide (they are the questions in italics) along with bonus questions AND Scripture verses to meditate and learn from. So...what are we waiting for? Grab a few friends or a quiet corner and a cup of tea and let’s get started...


Introduction READ Joshua 1:1-9 carefully. Has there ever been a time in the past that you felt God calling you to “Cross Over” or move out in spite of your fear? What area in your life do you feel he is currently calling you to move out in?

Before you read any further, when it comes to friendships, can you think of an area that you have a tendency to get “stuck”?

Why do you think this is the case? When did you first notice this happening?

Are you ready to begin a “new chapter” in your friendships?

If you were to choose one word to describe your current prayer life what would it be?

Do you want “more” when it comes to your prayer life?

If prayer feels like an “obligation” or a “should” to you, you probably answered “No” to the preceding question. What if I rephrased the question and asked you “If prayer could be an exciting adventure and an ongoing two-way dialogue with the Living Lord...a conversation in which you can wait expectantly to hear from God on a regular basis, would you want more?”

Chapter 1

The Daisy Chain How has your life been made more beautiful through friendship?

Are you currently a part of a circle of friends or are you more aware of the bouquets and gardens of acquaintances?

As you look back over the course of your life, when did you feel most “connected?”

When did you feel the loneliest?

What were the circumstances surrounding each of these times?

What is your heart’s desire when it comes to friendship?

Did you find yourself “stuck” anywhere in this chapter? Did you find a place that needs the healing touch of God or the strength and courage to move forward?


Chapter 2

Going Out to Play Look up Ecclesiastes 4:10

Who helps you when you fall down?

How likely is it that you would receive a call should a friend in your life fall down?

Who would that be?

Did you ever “fall down” and receive help from an unlikely source? Who was it?

Have you ever considered that “help” as a way that God was providing for you?

Which of the “One Another’s” comes naturally to you and which of the “One Another’s” do you need “Holy Spirit” help with?

With the help of a concordance, see how many more “One Another’s” you can find and then write them down.

Write a prayer to the Lord asking Him to help you with the “One Another’s.”

Read 1 John 4:7-21 slowly and carefully OUT LOUD.

Now rewrite these verses in your own words.

Who are “The Greats” in my life . . . a person or a group (past or present) that was a great model of friendship?

Did my parents or significant adults in my life have close relationships? What did this communicate to me about friendship?

If I haven’t chosen to invest in friendships is there a reason why? Am I afraid of something specific?

Over the years I have heard women complain that they just don’t have any close friends. One of the things that I ask them is “When was the last time you initiated with a friend with a phone call or attended a ‘connecting event’ like a seminar, a retreat or a home party?” When they stop to think about it most of these women say that they were too busy with kids, housework or their careers to do these things.

I encourage you to take a few minutes right now and think through this. Do you value friendship? Do you value it enough to take the time to make the investment to phone a


girlfriend to “catch up?” Have you gone out to eat or to get coffee with a friend recently?

Chapter 3

Gathering the Bouquet Look up 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

In what areas of your life have you experienced the comfort and compassion of God?

How did this comfort manifest itself? (i.e. A hug, smile or word of encouragement, a Scripture read at a key time, a song heard right when you needed it...)

In what ways are you able to “comfort others with the comfort you’ve received from God”?

In what areas of your life do you currently need comfort and compassion?

Does it help to think of this season of suffering that you may currently be experiencing as a time the Lord desires to comfort you?

Look up James 5:16

Can you recall a time that you “confessed your sins” to someone and felt a little better or “lighter” after you had done so?

If you have never “confessed your sins” or shared the parts of yourself that are “broken” what is keeping you from doing so?

Looking at the list of “gardens” (from chapter 3), in which garden of my life do I see the most potential for friends?

Am I “Open to Initiation” or do I connect more with the neighbor that said “I have plenty of friends”?

Am I “real” and “authentic” in my friendships? Why or why not?

Do I have more than one friend?



Chapter 4

Connecting the Flowers Look up 1 John 3:18

Write down at least three occasions in your life that you recall being loved with action and/or truth.

Has there ever been a time you’ve felt “called” to love someone with action but chose not to do so?

How did you feel after you made that choice?

Has there been a time you did love someone with action and truth?

How was it received?

How did their reaction (whether they received your love or rejected your love) feel?

Look up Acts 1:14

Describe a time that a friend prayed for you.

Was that prayer particularly meaningful? Why or why not?

What are some ways that help you remember to keep your friends in your prayers?

Blessings Box

Soon after I became aware that the Lord was using people to reveal Himself to me I began a “Blessings Box.” It was a place that I saved all the little ways, all the many signs that my friends and family gave me that revealed to my heart the love of Christ. It was a way that I “took my friends in,” a way that I tangibly “received the blessings” and acknowledged that they were not only from my friends, but from the hand of the Giver. My Blessings Box started out as a hat box and in it I put card after card, letter after letter, memento after memento, until within about a year I needed to get another hat box and then another-so many were the tangible blessings that God poured into my life through people! One birthday my girlfriend Andrea brought me my biggest blessings box ever and it still sits at the end of my bed. (I believe that Andrea has the Spiritual gift of giving. She gets so much joy through the act of giving and God uses her in this way often in her life. He’s used her spiritual gift in mine on countless occasions and this was just one of them.) Andrea knew my blessings boxes were overstuffed and so she showed up at my house with a shabby chic white cedar-lined trunk; the perfect place to put cards and memories. The best part about it is that it is as beautiful as the friend that gave it to me. In preparation for this book I pulled out the “Blessings” from that box and was reminded


again that when we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and give a blessing (be it a kind word, a little note, a small present, a prayer, a hug . . . ), that gift reverberates in ways we could have never imagined. I don’t think that my friends and family knew that in sharing a blessing with me that they would be encouraging many others through the reading of this book. But that is indeed what has occurred. God’s love has the power to move in mighty ways through many people.

I encourage you to not only move out when you feel the Spirit nudging you to “give” love, I encourage you to slow down, pause and truly receive the love that is coming your way. Perhaps setting aside a little corner of your room for a “Blessings Box,” a place in which you can “gather” this love is an exercise that will help you do so.

If you had to choose, what are you more comfortable with, the act of giving or the act of receiving? Why is this?

Can you think of an occasion that a friend loved you with action? What were the circumstances surrounding this?

Which friendship are you currently a part of that you would consider “mutual”?

When was the last time that you found yourself withdrawing or isolating yourself?

How have you been wounded by gossip?

What do you do when you find yourself involved in gossip (passively by listening or actively by speaking it)?

Why do you think that gossip is such a temptation for women?


Chapter 5

Handling the Flowers “Let’s revisit some of the questions I asked at the beginning of Chapter 5...” Take a moment and WRITE down the answers to these questions. Be as honest as possible...

How are you doing in the “Grace” department? Do you know that you are a sinner saved by Grace alone? Does that translate to your relationships, specifically to your friendships? For example . . . how well do you do when it comes to forgiving a friend for hurting you, letting you down or not being everything that you need? How do you do when you are the one that does the hurting or the letting down? Do you have grace for


yourself? How do you do when you are trying to work out differences in your relationship?

After taking a quick glance at the overview of the personalities in Chapter 5, which personality type best describes you?

Now think about the friends in your life... can you see where they might fit in the spectrum of personalities? (Just a little f.y.i., people can be have a personality combination, for example I am a Sanguine/Choleric)

What personalities come more naturally for you to be friends with and what personalities do you have a more challenging time with (in other words, what friendships are you more aware of a need for God’s grace in order to love those friends well)?

Describe a time when someone “took responsibility” or acknowledged that they had hurt you (it could be as simple as someone apologizing for bumping in to you).

Describe a time when you were that someone (that “took responsibility” for doing something that hurt you).

Is taking responsibility a challenging thing for you to do?

Why do you think that is?

How aware do you think you are of the “attacks of the enemy”?

Describe a time when a friend helped make you aware of one of the enemy’s lies and, more importantly of the Truth of the Word of God.

When was the last time someone spoke the truth to you “in love”? Was it difficult to hear at the time? How did you react?

Has there been a time when you were wounded by someone that was trying to hurt you with the truth?

When was the last time you extended grace? Received grace?

Do you think you are more naturally a “grace” person or a “truth” person?



Chapter 6

Forming the Crown Could you connect with the “scarcity mentality” that I described in the “Hiding your Joy” section of this chapter?

Do you think part of you believes that there is only “so much to go around?” Why or why not?

Read Ephesians 3:14-20

Describe a time when God did “immeasurably more” then you ever expected. If you are having a difficult time with this particular exercise say a prayer right now and ask the Lord to open the eyes of your heart to reveal to you all that He has done for you.

What are some of your favorite things/activities that you do with your friends?

What was one of the most joyous times in your life?

What was one of the most difficult times in your life?

Did your friends know about these seasons?

How did they “Come Alongside” you during these seasons?

What did it mean to you to have them standing next to you while you went through this (joy or sorrow)?

Does “Coming Alongside” a friend come naturally or do you have to be more intentional about it? Why do you think this is?


Chapter 7

Wearing the Crown

Grab your Bible and a pen and paper. Now turn to Psalm 139 and slowly read it ALOUD.


Immediately place pen to paper and, for the next five minutes, “get down” that which is going through your mind as a result of reading Psalm 139.

What gifts and/or traits do you admire in your friends?

Is it difficult for you to celebrate their gifts? Why or why not?

What gifts and /or traits have your friends said they admire in you?

Was it hard to answer that question?


Chapter 8

Worshiping the Giver of the Crown Rewrite verses 1 John 4:10 and Hebrews 13:5 longhand and every time you see “we, us, our or you” replace it with your name.

Who do you call first in times of crisis?

In times of celebration?

In times of sorrow?

Of the four sections in this chapter,(Am I demanding that my friends meet my every need? Do I feel the pressure to meet all my friends needs? Are my friends getting my best? Am I more concerned with what my friends think than what God thinks?) which resonated with you the most? Do you think that is an area of vulnerability for you? Why?

Have you ever felt like God was calling you to do or say something that one of your friends might disapprove of? What did you do? How did you handle that situation?

Who gets “My best”? Who do I spend the most time and energy with?

If you were to die today do you know where you would spend eternity?

Is there a day that you can look back on and know that you received Christ as your personal Savior?

What is keeping you from receiving God’s gift of grace? Did you find yourself “stuck” anywhere in this chapter? Did you find a place that needs the healing touch of God or the strength and courage to move forward?


Chapter 9

Uprooted and Transplanted Which one of the verses in the “Clinging to God” section of this chapter resonated to you?

Why do you think that is?

Consider ways that you can meditate on the verse (that resonated with you) throughout the day...write it on a small piece of paper and keep it with you, paint it on a wall in your house, speak it out loud several times a day...

What is the first memory you have of moving or having a friend move away?

How do you think that experience shaped the way that you currently relate to friends?

How do you stay in touch with friends that no longer live close to you?


Chapter 10

Seasons of Friendship Take a minute and look up Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 but before you do, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you read it as if for the very first time. Sometimes verses become so familiar to us that we begin reading one and skim over it quickly because we feel that we already “know” it. Take the time to really hear what the Spirit is trying to speak to you through these verses TODAY.

Write down the verse or word from the above reading that really popped out at you.

Meditate on that verse/concept/Word today and ask the Holy Spirit to continue to “Guide you into all truth” and teach you what it is He wants you to really know from this Living Word.

Have you ever had a friendship take on a new shape? How did it change?

How challenging is it for you to remain “flexible” with your friendships?

What season of friendship are you currently in?


Describe a time in your life when you experienced a season of “Narrowing”?


Chapter 11

Losing Blossoms From Your Crown Let’s go back to the book of Ecclesiastes. Look up Ecclesiastes 3:11 read it carefully and then take a minute to rewrite it in your own words.

Is there a time that you can look back on when God made something beautiful out of something that was sad, painful or ugly?

Take a few minutes and pray and ask the Lord to remind you of a time that He redeemed (or made something beautiful come out of) a difficult situation. It may have even been a season of sin and rebellion in your life that He used to make something beautiful. Such was the case for me...

When I think of my most “depressing” season of life I see now that it was also my most rebellious. Right out of college, I deliberately made a choice to do what I knew was wrong and almost immediately began to experience the consequences...guilt, loneliness, shame and a deep desire to sleep away the days and months. (Take a minute to look up Psalm 32:1-5 to see the truth of what happens when we choose to sin) It is a time that I look back on now with sadness YET I also see that it was the time that God used to show me my deep need for a Savior. God used my Road of Rebellion to show me my desperate need for the Way of Grace (Jesus Christ). This season of rebellion and sin is now the basis for one of my talks (actually the talk that I’ve given most often). It is one of the ways that God is making Ecclesiastes 3:11 a reality in my life. One of the ways God is “making something beautiful” out of the ugliness of my sinful choices is to not only help other people see their need for a Savior, but to extend to them an invitation to receive Christ as Savior through prayer (which is what I do at the end of each of these talks).

How has God caused something beautiful to rise up from something really painful in your past?

Does this remind you that there is hope for your future?

Who are the blossoms that have fallen from your crown?

After reading this chapter which exercise (Praying Specifically, Remaining Flexible, Looking Ahead) do you feel will be most beneficial in helping you view your “fallen blossom” friends as “in your life” but perhaps in a different way than before?



Chapter 12

An Invitation into the Garden Look up Matthew 5:13-16 and take the time to read it deliberately and thoughtfully.

My little girl and I recently went on our first “Mother-Daughter” retreat. During one of the sessions, the speaker passed out little paper cups filled with pretzels. She had us each take a pretzel and eat it. The saltiness of the pretzel soon made each of us thirsty and she used this illustration to help the little girls (and the big girls--a.k.a. the moms) understand that when Jesus calls us the “Salt of the Earth” He reminds us to live in such a way that we make the people around us “Thirst” after the Living Water. I love this illustration because it reminds me that we are not in the business of “Saving” people...we don’t have that power. However we CAN live in such a way that people become thirsty for the One who has saved us... the Living Water. Each of us is “Salty” in unique ways because God created us with different personalities, different gifts, and different spheres of influence. I encourage you to “be yourself,” be in God’s Word and live life out in this World in a “Salty” way.

Who did God use to “Invite me into the Garden?”

What feelings come up for me when I think about reaching out to women in this way?


study guide growing friendships 1 · 2019-12-08 · growing friendships study guide by tracy klehn...

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