super mario bros guilded age
TRANSCRIPT
8/3/2019 Super Mario Bros Guilded Age
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By Someone: Mario & all related characters copyright by Nintendo. Or however this copyright stuff goes. White Housebelongs to president. Please dont hunt me down and kill me if you get offended. It wasnt intended like that. If the W-1
boss is someone famous, I swear I didnt know.
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One dark night at the White House, a shadowy
figure is seen prowling outside. The
mysterious figure enters the White House.
Who was that person? Suddenly, a scream isheard from inside! What happened?
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The First Lady Peach has been
kidnapped! As President Grant
mourns his loss, a journalist, Thomas
Nast, enters the Oval Office.
Sir, says the Nast, I know who
kidnapped the First Lady. It is none
other than the Corruption King, Boss
Tweed. And Mr. President, I also
know who will be able to get her
back.
Just who is that? asked Grant.
His name is Mario.
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World 1 Ellis Island
Ellis Island is the gateway to
America for immigrants like
Mario who just crossed the
Atlantic Ocean. Many of the
immigrants who arrived duringthe Gilded Age were the same
immigrants as before: English,
German, and Irish. However, the
Gilded Age also saw the arrival of
many new ethnicities of
immigrants, such as Italians,Slavs, Jews, and Greeks. All
immigrants are easily defeated,
and only require a good stomping
to defeat.
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World 1 Boss
See this guy right here? Hes the
W-1 boss. Name: Customs Officer
Not only does this guy want to
stop Mario from entering New
York, he also wants toAmericanize his name to
something like Mathew or Mark
like hes already done to
hundreds of other immigrants.
This cant happen. Stomp on his
head three times to kill him. Also,watch out for his pen throw
attacks.
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World 2 The Slums
This unhappy place is where most
of the new immigrants live. While
the slums are fairly divided into
different ethnic groups, they are
all under the control of BossTweed, so no matter where you
are, youll need to watch out for
the new enemies, Corruption
Cronies and Paracorruption
Cronies. Also, beware of filth;
immigrants have spread wasteand refuse all over the place and
it seems the sewer is backing up.
A true job for a plumber who isnt
as busy as you.
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World 2 Boss
W-2 Boss: Scarlet Fever
All sorts of nasty diseases plague
the slums. Theres the whooping
cough, measles, cholera, scarlet
fever, and many more. Thistenement house Marios stumbled
on seems to have a rather nasty
case of scarlet fever. If youve
picked up a fire flower, use that to
quickly bring down most of the
globs. However, if you areunfortunate enough to have
entered the fight without a fire
flower, youll just have to jump on
all 50 globs the old fashioned way.
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World 3 - Vaudeville
Vaudeville. A place forrelaxation. Or it would be if you werent being chased byBoss Tweeds CorruptionCronies. So instead of enjoying
the performances andlistening to the newest music,you must defeat all the croniesthat have been chasing yousince Mario set foot in NewYork. But afterwards, it would
be nice to be like all the otherimmigrants and relax at thevaudeville and laugh at thecomedic performancessatirizing middle class life.
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World 3 Boss
W-3 Boss: Scott Joplin
Well arent you in luck. Scott Joplin,the King of Rag, just happens to bein the vaudeville today, and he isperforming his famous piano piece,
The Entertainer . However, itappears that Joplin has decided toside with Boss Tweed for thepurposes of this video game, and isattacking you. Dodge through hismusic notes of death and smash his
piano with a hammer to trigger thesecond phase of the bossencounter. After that, its just amatter of stomping him on thehead three times.
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World 4 Central Park
You have escaped from thevaudeville and yourpursuers into New YorksCentral Park. Beware of thewandering Cronies as wellas the occasional immigrantwho wants to mug you.Also, beware of thedangerous foliage foundaround Central Park. It
might just try to take a biteout of you. And that wouldnot be good. It wouldprobably be rather painful.
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World 4 Boss
W-4 Boss: Petey Piranha
You are almost out of Central Park
when you are attacked by a
vicious, plumber-eating, walking
plant. Dodge the fireballs as yourun away from it. Jump onto tree
branches so that Petey runs into
them and falls over. Then jump
onto his exposed belly to
vanquish this fearsome foe.
Central Park is a little safer,
thanks to you.
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World 5 The Skyscrapers
These marvels of engineeringhave recently begun dotting theNew York skyline. Crossing overthese imposing structures of glassand steel is paramount toreaching Boss Tweedsheadquarters and rescuing FirstLady Peach. Beware of drunkenimmigrants prowling about, andalso make sure to avoidCorruption Cronies andParacorruption Cronies. Also note
that football is now becoming apopular sport in America, andadrenaline-charged youths arerunning on top of the buildings,tackling everything that moves.Football was such a dangeroussport then.
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World 5 Boss
W-5 Boss: Frank Lloyd Wright
Mr. Wright is a genius architectand has been designing manynew buildings, supports, andarchitectural styles. However, heis famous for his prairie housedesigns and has not been in theforefront of skyscraper design, soit is odd to find him here. Helaughs sinisterly and takes out aslide rule and meter stick, which
he begins to swing violently atMario. Dodge his swings and jump on his head 5 times to sendthe old man toppling to his death.
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World 6 Tammany Hall
This is it. Boss Tweedsheadquarters. The head of thepolitical machine. The sourceof all of New Yorks corruption.Controlled by New Yorks
Democrats, this building is thehead of Boss Tweedsembezzlement and the reasonfor New Yorks shocking $70million debt. Here is whereBoss Tweed buys the working
classs votes. It is here wheregraft, bribes, and inflatedcontracts are the norm. Theplace is sprawling with deadlytraps and Corruption Cronies.Only the most skilled willsurvive. Can you?
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World 6 Boss
W-6 Boss: Boss Tweed
For all the suspense, this is arather simple fight. Simply jumpover Boss Tweed and grabThomas Nasts copy of the
newspaperHarpers Weekly . Thebridge Boss Tweed is standing onwill fall, and the big, bad boss willfall into the lava. Game clear! Youenter the adjacent room to findthe poor First Lady Peach. Then,
its time to meet up with youremployer, Thomas Nast, andreturn the First Lady to PresidentGrant!
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World 7 Atlantic Ocean
All would be well if it werent for
the disturbing news Mario
overheard as he was thanked by
President Grant: Boss Tweed had
been fished out of the lava andsent to jail, but he had escaped!
Mario decides to finish the job
and sets out on an arduous
journey across the Atlantic to
bring the criminal to justice! But
sadly, he missed the boat and isforced to swim! Watch out for
bloopers.
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World 7 Boss
W-7 Boss: Gooper Blooper
To defeat this boss, perform a
ground-pound on each of his
tentacles. Then, when he falls
forward, perform a ground-poundon his face. Repeat this 6 times to
defeat the boss. Make sure you
avoid his ink sprays. The more
damage Gooper Blooper takes,
the faster his attacks will come in.
Also, try to enter the fight with a
fire flower to kill the occasional
blooper that passes through.
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World 8 - Spain
This is where Boss Tweed fled to.
The landscape is dotted with
volcanoes, lava flows freely, and
deadly gasses are in the air. This
certainly is the place where avillainous type like Tweed would
flee. Boss Tweed has sent his #1
Corruption and Paracorruption
Cronies out to defeat you, so be
on your guard. Also, keep an eye
out for the various traps thathave been laid out. Good luck.
Youll need it.
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World 8 Boss
Finally. The final boss. Giga-Tweed. After escaping, BossTweed used his fortunes tocreate a power-enhancingelixir, which he then drank. His
size and strength wereincreased by 20-fold. To defeathim, you must stomp on hishead 10 times, then grab himby the tail, a throw him backacross the Atlantic into the jail
cell with his name on it. Only atrue gamer can defeat Giga-Tweed. Can you? Best of luck,and may the mushrooms bewith you.
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The End
After a vicious battle, Marioreturns to America admist thecheering crowds. He heartilyshakes hands with PresidentGrant, and receives a kiss on
the cheek from First LadyPeach. But, as Mario is anItalian immigrant, he decidesthat, after making his fortune,it is best that he return to Italy.After shaking hands once
again with Grant, Nast, andPeach, Mario sets sail back toItaly. But in America, he willalways be a hero.
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Hey! Oi! Arent we forgettin sometin here? Like
me?! Lowly Irish immigrant OadFlannery!? Thats
right, Im still here! Ive been in every single level of
the blasted game, yet you havent mentioned meonce! What about how I say, O, sorry there Mario,
but your First Lady is in another castle? No you
never mention that! Not once! So Im takin over
this page of the slide show! Howd you like that, Mr.Big Pompous Writer Guy? Say, Im thirsty and
depressed now. I think Ill have another drink
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The End(For Real This Time)