vveenntt9th Februaury 2005 Issue: 122

Will you be my Valentine?

EE

Plus:Valentines Day Special

Kneehigh Interviewed

Anatomy Dissected

Love Songs Explored

the

Vs.

The New East

The Old West

Nominated for Best Student Magazine 2003/04 at theGuardian Student Media Awards. Jude would be proud!

IS:concrete.editor@uea.ac.uk

Philip Sainty

concrete.event@uea.ac.ukTim Barker

concrete.eventeditorial@uea.ac.ukSarah Edwardes

Proof Reader: Hoffman Wolf

concrete.arts@uea.ac.ukEditor: Luke Roberts

Assistant Editors: Niki Brown, RoannaBond

Writers: Gabrielle Barnes, SimonJackson, Simon Griffiths, Daisy Bowie-Sell

concrete.film@uea.ac.ukEditor: Dean Bowman

Writers: Mark Simpson, Dan Peters, PriyaShah, Stan Goodspeed, Toby Sleigh-

Johnson, Claudia Webb, StephenSharrock

concrete.music@uea.ac.ukEditors: James Banks & Ben Patashnik

Writers: Charles Rumsey, Matt Elliott, JoeEspiner, Catherine Lansdown,VictoriaHolland, Nick Brookes, James Banks,

Suzanne Rickenback, Hayley Chappel,Ben Patashnik, Chris Hyde, Simon

Griffiths, Sophie Driscoll

concrete.tv/digital@uea.ac.ukEditor: Kate Bryant

Writers: Martha Hammond, Kim Howe,Stephen Sharrock

Creative WritingEditor: Merinne Whitton

Writers: Zoe Neville-Smith,Wendy Cope,Luke Owen, Andrea Tllarita, James

Conway, Dan Magee, Sir Walter Raleigh,Ruth Gordon, Naked Matt, Patrick

O’Read, Ben Patashnik, Luke Roberts,Dean Bowmen, Peter Osthead

Design ConsultantNathan ‘design consultant’ Hamilton

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: Post: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB

Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822

E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by:Archant

03Contents

09.02.05

Contents

Competitions! Competitions! Competitions! Competitions!

Week Five, half-way through thisterm and it already feels liketime is slipping away from us

here at The Event. No matter how muchcaffeine we pump into our slowly decay-ing bodies we can’t seem to keep thehands of time from rushing past us in ablur of missed deadlines and drunkennights.

But at least you lot have The Event toanchor you temperally to the term everytwo weeks, with bucket loads of non-sense accompanied by mountains ofwitty interesting commment on the worldof entertainment.

This issue is packed to the guns withstuff and we hope that you find it in yourhearts to forgive us the few type-o’s,blood stains and coffee cup marks thatsometimes spill into The Event. We hopeyou enjoy it and don’t read it all tooquickly or it’ll go straight to your head.Yours, The Editors.

Editorial

Cube Zero Competition

Dellacasa Competition

Hard Boiled Competition

Reviews11112222 Music - Albums

11113333 Music - Singles

11114444 Film - Cinema

11115555 Film - DVDs

11116666 Arts

11117777 TV/Digital

11118888 Creative Writing

11119999 Listings

Features4444 Love Songs

5555 The Western

6666 Kneehigh Interview

7777 Eastern Cinema + Cinefile

8888 Arts

9999 Anatomy for Beginners

11110000 ---- 11111111 Valentines Special

Thanks to the people at MosaicEntertainment we have three finishedcopies of the DVD Cube Zero, which isavailable to rent/buy from 14thFebruary.For the chance to win one of theseanswer this tricky question:What wasthe original film in this series called?

a) Cubeb) Spherec) Quadrahedron

Apologies

The Event apologises for a mistake inthe last issue. The competition forNathalie was credited to Optimumrather than Mosaic, and we apologisefor this mistake. Sorry!

Dellacasa have given us another mealcompetition this issue. If you can’t waitfor this however see their add on pg. 8for their number. If anyone wants afree meal just answer this question:Who framed Roger Rabbit?a) Judge Doomb) Judge Judyc) Judge Dredd

We have three DVD’s of Hard Boiled togive away, which is available for thegreat price of £5.99 from 7th february,thanks to Prism Leisure. Just answerthis question if you want it for free:Roughly how long does it take to hardboil an egg?a) 1 minb) 8-15minsc) 1 hour

Pleas send entries to:concrete.event@uea.ac.uk

Feature

According to WilliamS h a k e s p e a r e ,“music is the foodof love”, the deli-cious prerequisiteof happiness. Musicand love are inex-tricably linked, at

once both yin and yang, dark and light,but why? What is it about a configurationof tones that can make people cry out inthe shrill ecstasy of a stolen moment, orsink ‘neath the choppy waves of self-effacing misery?

Popular music was invented in 1765when George III outlawed silence.Groups of troubadours toured the coun-try in horse and cart, playing for theirsupper and a roof over their heads.Obviously, the live music scene left a lotto be desired for both performer andpunter alike, since with the introductionand subsequent proliferation of povertyno one could really afford to sustainsuch an existence. So the few perform-ers that did choose to eke out a livingvia music decided that they had to maketheir songs inspiring enough to be trulyindispensable for anyone who encoun-tered them. After the governmentaledict of 1779 outlawing all mention ofhope and aspiration for a better socialclimate, peasant musicians realised thatthey had to look internally for theirinspiration – thus giving birth to the bal-lad of love.

Songs about fair maidens and duskywenches became the main source ofescape for England’s troubled lowerclasses. Tony Blackburn becameBlackpool’s first compère in 1801 dur-ing a one-day festival that was only rel-atively recently upstaged by the inaugu-ral Isle Of Wight Festival for the largest -ever gathering of unkempt teenagers.By far the largest cheer of the day wasfor The Wandering Lutes, a group basedaround Hull, with their original songLove Is A Warm Pikestaff. The authoritiesallowed this new trend to flourishbecause of the alarming rise in peasanthappiness – if music was the food oflove, it also acted as the lubricant of lust.

What had become obvious was thatmusic was a medium which allowed

scrawny youths with too much time ontheir hands to pour out their feelings tothe subject of their affection, both avoid-ing embarrassment and calling atten-tion to their ramblings. A brief babyboom followed as artists like CharlesRice, Rupert Smith and Hubert Carrabasowed their newly-coveted oats shame-lessly. This provided the first knownexamples ofIronic Groupies– artists thatexploit theirsupposed sensi-tivity and under-stated feelingsin order to prey on impressionableyoung ladies, the sort of behaviourspecifically contradicted in songs likeTake My Love Away and For You I PloughAlone.

Victorian ideals provided the back-drop for much of the music of the early19th century, with any mentions of loveor lust having to be toned down so thatthey may be acceptable for all.The mostnotorious example of such censorshipcame when Molly Smythe had to per-form her hit Place Your Hand ‘pon MyRump without any apparently “offen-sive” content.The audience was prepar-ing for an onslaught of sexual verbs andnouns, but Smythe was forced to per-form the edited version, which lastedonly 13 seconds. A riot began when sheflashed her calves at the baying hordes.This marked a dry patch in the history ofthe love song, since any sentiment wassqueezed out of the music in favour ofprudish moralising. Historians havelong considered this period as the themost barren, and the love song almostdied out. In fact, Simon Schamadescribed it as being “effervescent withshitness”.

With the advent of the 20th century,the love song was able to flourish andreach unsurpassed levels of blanketcoverage. Just as cocaine signalled theadvent of sleaze rock’s dominance in thelatter part of the century, alcohol (andmore specifically beer) was the precur-sor to the same phenomenon in terms ofsensitive, personal music being suc-cessful. With the illicit pleasures con-

04

09.02.05

tained by Speakeasies duringProhibition in the U.S., domestic audi-ences caught onto the blues and rockscenes in time to consign skiffle to his-tory’s bargain bin of shame. As themusic industry snowballed into the cap-italistic behemoth machine we all knowand deplore, executives realised that bythe homogenisation of love, they couldmake a lot of money. And so, what is nowknown as pop music started to trans-form art into commerce.

Rock ‘n’ roll’s emergence asthe biggest threat to thenation’s youth since cholerasparked a new burst of vitali-ty for this form of music.

Squalling guitars and screamed lyricssubstituted for poetry for a disaffectedgeneration, and the only way todescribe the psychedelia of the ‘60swas the musical manifestation of feel-ings that had hitherto been unsaid.Swirling soundscapes collided withbuzzsaw guitars in a million teenagebedrooms and encouraged a form of

expression that is still being realised.Love became both a language and amessage that, despite Pete Waterman’sbest efforts, remains elusive enough tostill drive a multi-million pound indus-try.

What has seemingly prevailed sincethe invention of love in the 14th century,through the discovery of the amplifier in1782, love being banned as a feeling inthe Thatcher years, to its use as a globalmarketing tool, is that people want tofeel like they are in love, and the mosteffective way of doing that is to marketlove as much as possible. At once bothpublic and private, the love song hasflourished in the MTV age as legions oflovestruck teenagers plaster their wallswith pictures of their idols, continuallyready to fall in love again. But, for TheEvent as for millions of others, the wordsof Sting provide a constant comfort:“Whoa baby, yeah baby yeah. Whoa,yeah, baby whoa.”

“If music was the foodof love, it also acted asthe lubricant of lust.”

they come? Ben Patashnik spent a few days in the library tracking down the roots of this cultural phenomenon.

La gamme d’amour, (The LoveSong) by Jean-Antoine Watteau,1717.“I seem seem to have droppedmy plectrum down your top.”

The love song has long been a staple of any self-respecting lothario’s repertoire of seduction, but from whence did

That Old Black Magic

ting it in a decent mode of trans-port.

Things are more civilisedthese days. Well, slightly "We'vegot a driver and soundman whoworks at the Waterfront and hesorts us out, basically!" Why?Because they're very nice boys."We're just trying to make friendswith everybody," Greg confirms"fans, promoters… rather than justemailing a load of people we don'tknow. It's even harder work tryingto get gigs that way. What we do ismore DIY, which is the work ethicat the heart of this band."

That and friendship,apparently. For ourinterview today Greg isjoined by Kneehighbassist Tim Swaby - the

band's line-up is completed byabsent second guitarist andMatthew Selfe and drummer StuartAddison - who does less of thetalking but is more prone to high-light specifics about Kneehighevolving from four skater kidswriting makeshift pop-punk in hisgarage to the hard-touring locallive scene darlings, well-regardedfor their incredibly tight live showand proficient output since theirOpen Arms debut was followed upby last year's aptly-titled Dignity OfLabour EP and another new EP, setto be made available at theirepochal Waterfront gig later thismonth.

"From the summer of, er, '99,"he casts back, bravely resistingthe temptation to lapse into aBryan Adams a cappella, "whereGreg's English was so bad thathe'd literally make up words sothat the lyrics rhymed, to now, it'sbecome more career-driven forus, definitely, but it's still based onfriendship. It sounds like a cliché,but really we are four best mateswho love hanging out together."

"I've been through some shit inthe past couple of years," admitsGreg, when prodded on whatspecifically has maturedKneehigh's chief songwriter. "Weall have, though. When you writeabout that the songs get better, asthey're more tied in with real life."Before he can disappear off too fardown a cul-de-sac of emotional

mopery, though, he's keen to pointout that growing up does have itsbenefits. "I love Stevie Wondernow!" he grins, detailing how hisand the band's musical tastes havediversified recently. "We don'tconsider ourselves to be punk oremo…" "But it's impossible not tobe labelled as that, though, really"Tim cuts across him, keen to avoidpiledriving into the first stockanswer listed in the Musicians' BigBook Of Interview Clichés, aka the"we don't sound like anyone else"quote. "We don't try and steeraway from anything, either" Gregsurmises. "We just write."

It seems that, after choosingwhich label to shack up with fortheir next-but-one release (they'rebeing courted by a number ofnames they refuse to drop),Kneehigh's next goal will be howto learn to harness the power ofthe soundbite. C'mon guys,enough of how you're all greatmates on an earnest mission tomake the best music you can -where are the fights, the weirdosand the stalkers?

"Oh, you don't like to say…"demurs Tim. "A drunk old man inStoke told me 'I could get you inthe charts'" offers Greg, morehelpfully. "He said he needed to'mellow us out' first, though."Probably best not to drink toomuch of those pints he bought you,then. "He was, like, 'Let my peoplebecome your people…'" adds Tim."He wouldn't tell us who his peoplewere, though. It's always nice toget feedback, though, I sup-pose…". How about obsessivefans? Seen any Kneehigh tattoosyet? This question provokes somehastily suppressed smirks. "Notyet," says Greg, "but a girl didstalk us for about three shows - shetravelled 70 miles to do it - andthen went and got a Shuriken tat-too, who were the headline bandwe were touring with. So shemight get us done next." Phew,finally, a nutter to write about. "Ohno," objects Tim "her and her matewere really nice."

"Yeah," concurs Greg, "reallynice girls."

Kneehigh headline theWaterfront on 17th February

Your first impressionmight be to gaugethe “biggestunsigned band inNorwich” mantle upalongside “bestUkrainian center for-ward”. Andriy

Shevchenko's never going to the WorldCup, despite banging them in for ACMilan week in, week out. So, thatKneehigh habitually pack out the city'scult (read: shoebox-sized) undergroundmusic venue, The Ferryboat, for theirown gigs and were last seen stealing thecrowd from under past-it pop-punkersSugarcult at the Waterfront at the tail endof last year, it certainly does not entailthat The Big Time is just around the cor-ner.

Only this time, it just might be.Having adopted a policy of selling theirlast 2 EPs for a paltry one pound ster-ling, the Thorpe (a suburb "about a mileout of town", according to frontman GregHackett) based quartet have ensuredthat they've been shifting the kind ofunits that rock A&Rs wish upon theirfledgling acts, Kneehigh seem to havesucceeded thus far by displaying a self-awareness and a shrewd precocious inmanaging themselves that instantly seesthem stand apart from the rest of thelocal scene's endless procession ofgeneric emo/screamo/side-swept hair-cut-core acts.

Their origins are much more pre-dictable. "We formed four years ago,just as four friends from high school,"recalls Greg. "We started off playingBlink 182 songs, the usual covers and

then gradually started writing our ownstuff. We got our first break by playing[now-defunct Norwich rock club] FatPauly's, supporting people like Reel BigFish and Hundred Reasons. We werecalled No Comply back then," he chuck-les, well-aware of the south coast ska-punk sextet currently taking the toiletcircuit by storm with their kinetic liveshow "so one of the first things we didwas change our name."

From then on in it was a question ofthe then-15 years olds piling into a vanand playing wherever to whoever, whichformed the start of their now-impressiveword of mouth network, which predatesthe economical boom provided by theinternet and its mp3s, band websitesand Myspace profile pages. The inglori-ous nature of it all is still fresh in Greg'smemory. "We played places like

Manchester and Sheffield relativelyearly on, but we were paying to playsometimes," he explains. "We'd pay ourown petrol costs to play to nobody, onoccasion. In contrast to those big citygigs there were also gigs like the timewe played Banbury, where we didn'tactually play because our van brokedown by the side of the road on the waythere." Turns out paying for your ownpetrol only gets you places if you're put-

06 Feature

09.02.05

KneehighandRisingKneehigh, the biggest unsigned band in

Norwich, explain to Alistair Laurence why you

"We don't consider ourselves to be punkor emo…we don't try and steer awayfrom anything, either" Greg surmises."We just write."

should support their bid for greatness.

“Is that a long lens orare you just pleasedto see us?”

Greg got lost onthe way to theoffice.

Tartan has always had avery respected Asianlabel, but it seems thatthey are finally gettingsome competition withTai SengEntertainment, theUSA’s largest distribu-

tor of far Eastern cinema, set to open itsUK distribution arm and Momentumentering the market with their newMomentum Asia offshoot. The latter hasacquired much of the legendary ShawBrothers back catalogue and will bereleasing thirty of their classic martialarts films over the coming months. Itseems the time is ripe for a reminder ofwhy Hong Kong cinema is worth inves-tigating.

Hong Kong is known as DongfangHaolaiwu, “The Hollywood of the East“and in his book Hong Kong BabylonFredric Dannen calls it “the movie fac-tory for all of Asia.” Before reunificationwith China it was producing over 200films a year and was second only to theUSA for exports, despite being only thesize of Rhode Island.Yet Hong Kong hasa population of 6.8 million, making itone of the most densely populatedplaces on Earth.

Given the limitations on space, itseems incredible that in 1957 the ShawBrothers, Runme and Run-Run Shaw,were able to build their ‘Movie Town’,which rivalled MGM studios in scale.Built on 46 acres in northern Kowloon, itconsisted of 12 enormous sound stagesand an array of permanent sets includ-ing a whole Qing Dynasty town. KingHu, most famous for his 1971 Cannes-winning Wire-fu masterpiece A Touch ofZen, which inspired such recent hits asCrouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon andThe House of Flying Daggers, started hiscareer here by directing Come Drinkwith Me, as did John Woo. The Shawbrothers practically invented theMartial Arts genre, thus establishing

Hong Kong’s national style, with filmssuch as The Heroic Ones and TwoChampions of Shaolin, making animpressive 760 films in their thirty-yearexistence. Quentin Tarantino recentlypaid homage to the Shaw Brothers byusing the ‘Shaw Scope’ logo at thebeginning of Kill Bill.

In 1970, the ambitious producerRaymond Chow broke away from theShaw Brothers and set up his own com-pany, Golden Harvest, which quicklysigned the new talent Bruce Lee, whoremains the most famous of HongKong’s exports. His career, however,was tragically short and in 1973, afterstarring in the Warner Brothers/GoldenHarvest co-production Enter theDragon, he died of a brain edema.

Golden Harvest also discoveredJackie Chan, who inherited Bruce Lee’sfame and directed and acted in manyfilms. Chan became such a star in HongKong, (and eventually in America) thathe once said “in Asia I am Jurassic Park.I am E.T.” His persona of charismaticcomic and skilful fighter was massivelyendearing, especially to female fans,many of who were so obsessive thatthey regularly stalked him and oneeven attempted suicide outside hishome after hearing a rumour that heplanned to marry. Jackie Chan, like hiskey influence Buster Keaton, isrenowned for performing all of his owninsanely dangerous stunts and hasinjured himself more times than anyonecan count, yet when it comes to hisadmirers he is not so fearless:“Some ofthese girls, they scare the shit out ofyou!”

The turnover of films in the HongKong film industry is incredibly quick,with one feature, Sexy and Dangerous,famously taken from conception tocompletion in just 20 days. Production,as a result, is often patchy. FredricDannen comments that “refinement isnot a characteristic of the Cantonese

movie. Perhaps the best way todescribe the Hong Kong genre is tospeak of its comic book aesthetic: it is acinema of incessant action, eye-pop-ping effects, and cartoon-like vio-lence.” The contrast with mainlandChina’s highly wrought films of the FifthGeneration filmmakers, such as ChenKaige’s Farewell my Concubine, is par-ticularly striking.

Within this chaotic cul-ture of filmmaking,two directors standout as obsessive styl-ists and creators of

high-quality works, John Woo and WongKar-Wai. John Woo found his artisticvoice with Hong Kong’s highest evergrossing film A Better Tomorrow, thefilm that made Chow Yun-Fat famousand established Woo as the undisputedmaster of the ‘Heroic Bloodshed’ genre.His follow-up, The Killer, is one of themost famous Hong Kong films in thewest and firmly established Woo’s keythemes of chivalry and brotherhood.Chow Yun-fat plays an ethical hit manwho accidentally blinds a nightclubsinger, falls in love with her andresolves to undertake one last job inorder to pay for her cornea transplant.Throughout the film he is tracked by afeckless cop (Danny Lee) who eventual-ly befriends him, and together theyface the Triad army. The final battle, setin an abandoned church, during whichreligious iconography is juxtaposedwith extreme violence, is probably thegreatest action sequence ever filmed.

John Woo followed up this hit withthe astonishing Hard Boiled, whicharguably has the highest body count inany film outside the war genre. The cli-mactic scene is the assault on a hospitalwhich the Triads are using as a head-quarters, by Chow Yun-fat and TonyLeung (the most charismatic actor sinceBogart). In one particularly daringthree-minute long unedited shot,packed with shooting and specialeffects, Woo demonstrates his incredi-ble ability at directing action, which hasled many to dub him ‘the poet of vio-lence’. His kinetic editing and gracefulcamera movements give the bloodyimages a disturbing ballet-like beauty.In 1997, amidst the backdrop of theuncertain reunification of Hong Kongwith China, John Woo joined the large-scale migration of actors and directorsto Hollywood, where his output hasbeen consistently disappointing. Hehas said that “in Hong Kong, I feel Iwork like a painter; in Hollywood I alsowork like a painter, but somehow myhand is [sic] tied by rope.”

Even if John Woo’s material is of ahigher quality than most products fromthe Hong Kong film industry, it is stillvery generic. If there is one directorwho has broken out of the standard aes-thetic and who can be considered anauteur and a one-off genius, it is WongKar-Wai. As a result of his visionaryoriginality, he is ultimately more popu-lar with international audiences thanthe domestic public. His film Chunking

07

09.02.05

Made inHong Kong

Dean Bowman pays homage to the high-octane

Express, for instance, was the first filmfrom Hong Kong to win at Cannes since ATouch of Zen.

On the strength of his first moremainstream film, As Tears Go By, Wongwas given free reign to direct Days ofBeing Wild, which established his pen-chant for jumbled impressionistic narra-tives. After seeing the finished product,his producers were said to have fainted inshock; the film was a flop at the box officebut remains one of the most criticallyacclaimed of Hong Kong films. Wongbounced back with Ashes of Time, hismost indulgent and enigmatic film, whichdemonstrates best his lengthy improvisa-tional shooting style. As Fredric Dannennotes, “Wong took his all-star cast to theYuri desert of China, shot hundreds ofthousands of feet of film, and changed thescript at liberty from day to day. After twoyears, the movie had run several milliondollars over budget, and was still unfin-ished.”

How Wong Kar-Wai gets away withthis in such an extreme film industry isincredible, but he now has sufficientinternational influence to have his ownway. During the production of 2046, therecently released sequel to his master-piece In the Mood for Love, his regularactor Tony Leung commented that he hadbeen working on the film for four yearsand “still didn’t know what it was about.”For his film Happy Together, in which thelate Leslie Cheung and Tony Leung playgay lovers, the plot (or what passes forone in a Wong Kar-Wai film; it may be bet-ter to say the order of the images) wasapparently made up by Wong in the edit-ing room. Wong Kar-Wai always workswith Christopher Doyle, who, despitelacking formal training and coming orig-inally from Australia, is considered thebest cinematographer in the industry andwhose deep, rich images are vital toWong’s abstract aesthetic. Doyle says thathe doesn’t bother with Wong’s script any-more: “I assume the film is going to beabout time and space and identity andisolation. And probably it’s going to be inthe spaces he says it’ll be in – probably.”

The first in a series of Shaw Brothersfilms, The Heroic Ones,Spiritual Boxer andHeroes 2 (reviews appear on the ConcreteWebsite) will be released by MomentumAsia on the 21st February. Tai Seng kicksoff its UK distribution arm with therelease of Cop on a Mission also on 21stFebruary. Hard Boiled is being re-released by Prism Leisure on 7thFebruary for a bargain price of £5.99.Finally, Wong Kar-Wai’s latest master-piece 2046 is currently showing in cine-mas and is unmissable.

“Perhaps the best way todescribe the Hong Kong genre isto speak of its comic book aes-thetic: it is a cinema of incessantaction, eye popping effects, andcartoon like violence.”

Feature

world of Hong Kong’s hard-boiled Hollywood. Pensive: Tony Leung inWong Kar-Wai’s 2046

Vengeful: Chow Yun-fatin John Woo’s The Killer

beautiful and meaningful moments inlife which could easily have passedthem by.

Although the dense references with-in the poetry may not spring to mindimmediately, they are written in such away as to enable the reader to relax inthe knowledge that essentially it doesn’tmatter. Not only that, but the referencesare made in such a way that if you don’trealise them at the time of reading, youfeel there is life just around the cornerwhich will open doors into the layers ofStone’s poetry.

The language, structure and ironybehind the poems enrich their reading.The collection starts with the poemBalcony, and the images within it createa feeling of an encounter fuelled withquiet lust, invoking a self-recognition; aconscious bearing of Stone’s attitude tohimself as a poet. This is self-revealingand reflects the rest of the collection’sintimate nature. The poems re-createtravelling, romantic escapades andmoments of beauty which are everyday.Yet Stone decides to give them theirtrue worth. His use of language is full ofvitality and voluptuousness, creating afeast for the eyes and senses.

I’ll Show You Tyrants could be recom-mended to anyone who is contemplat-ing trying to be published, purelybecause Stone’s use of his immediatesurroundings reassures any writer thatthe benign can be made intense. As afirst collection it is a worthwhile read, inorder to witness new poems without thepotential qualms of first-time publish-ing. As a book of poetry without context,it is worthwhile for the pure enjoyment.

It is clear that Stone derives greatpleasure from his writing, that the dayjob is simply a way of earning money,while his poetry is what he “goes hometo”. The poems he writes are infusedwith a sense of dislocation and loss,inspired by the fact that he feels he“doesn’t really come from anywhere in

England.” He has moved around a fairbit in the course of his early life.You cansense a kind of uncertainty about him,in the way he glances away at frequentintervals. This makes him extremelyendearing to talk to somehow, and isperhaps part of the mystery of whatmakes his poetry so invigorating toread.

When asked where he sees himselfin a few years time, Stone’s answerappears at first surprisingly bleak. Heexplains that he’s “not really a fan ofgoals, as you’re not satisfied until youget to it and then not satisfied whenyou’re past it because then it’s over and

done with.” Instead he prefers the ideaof “the uncertainty the future offers.”Despite these reservations, Stone hasnow taken the first steps towardsbecoming an established writer.

Few aspiring writershave been publishedby the age of twenty-one, but The Event ishere to meet one ofthem. Jon Stone isdressed in a brownfloor length trench coat,

leather gloves and black hat, whichmakes a dramatic first impression.Concerns about not being able torecognise him when he enters the pub,in which The Event awaits an interview,disappear immediately.Yet once he sitsdown, he is a very softly-spoken, thor-oughly intelligent and thought-provok-ing man. Having studied for a degree inEnglish and Creative Writing here atUEA, where he was president of the cre-ative writing society, he is now workingas a temp in Norwich to earn enough tocombat his student debts. He hasrecently gained a place on next year’sprestigious creative writing MA, so hewill soon be studying at the universityagain. Having just published his firstbook of poetry, I’ll Show You Tyrants, heis here to discuss it in a little moredetail.

The most pressing question TheEvent wishes to ask him is why on theback of his book he claims to have diedin a car crash, when he is quite clearlyalive, well and sitting here drinking abeer? It turns out Stone feels that poetswho have passed away are “presentedbetter, as you are introduced to the poetbefore the poetry collection and itmakes the poems far more interesting toread.” His influences are as diverse asTed Hughes, Rambo and Catullus, whois, The Event discovers, a Roman Poet.He is currently working on a novel,Manley and I, and has plans to releaseanother collection of poetry soon. He

has been writing “sincethe very beginning

of mem-

ory” and likens his work to that of“Albert Camus, Errol Flynn and Tintin.”

Getting your first piece of writingpublished is never a simple task, butStone seems to have managed this withsurprising ease. He was initially writingfor a publishing website called UKA,who then decided to set up a small pub-lishing firm. By this time Stone had afairly extensive backlog of poetry andUKA’s transition to publishing companyprovided a timely opening for I’ll ShowYou Tyrants. It appears that the harderpart came later, when trying to get thebook adequately distributed and adver-tised. Amazon and Bertram Books have

copies ready for order, and he is cur-rently attempting to convinceWaterstones and Ottakers to stock thebook as well.

The collection is separated intoseven sections. The poems are a feast oflinguistic exploration and excitement.Stone brings moments to the mind withsuch voracity and individualism thatthey transport the reader into poignant,dark and mysterious worlds. Most ofthese worlds seem to be from within thepoets mind whilst some simply seem tobe observations of his surroundings. Asalways with poetry, catching the explic-it intent, effect and beauty can be diffi-cult at first and Stone’s poetry is noexception. Poetry is inherently person-al, both for the writer and for the reader.No surprise then that at first glance con-fusion is lurking behind each page.However, reading Stone’s poems at aleisurely rate, taking time to enjoy theambiguities within each poem lets thereader come away feeling like they

have experi-e n c e d

08 Feature

09.02.05

Set in StoneRoanna Bond and Daisy Bowie-Sell ask ‘deceased’ UEA grad-

uate Jon Stone about getting his first collection of poetry I’ll

“Getting your first piece ofwriting published is never asimple task, but Stone seems tohave managed this with sur-prising ease.”

Stone by MooreShow You Tyrants published...

Jon Stone takes a well-earned coffee break

09Feature

09.02.05

for Beginners directly with the contents ofthe freaks’ tent at a particularly gruesomeVictorian circus, but there is definitelysomething macabre about the cold, clini-cal set all the action takes place on. Theinformative but overly-jolly voice of Prof.Lee, Dr Jekyll to Prof. Von Hagens’ MrHyde, only serves to truly disquiet thecasual viewer who momentarily flicks

over from the News. The educationaleffects are undeniable, but hardly essen-tial and arguably not the best reason tohave tuned in. There is very little that canbe done to dress up the idea of looking atdead bodies as useful, but its curiosity-quenching qualities shonethrough andhad us all tuning in.

The biggest drawback to all the tut-tutting that has greeted the Anatomy forBeginners series (and Prof. Von Hagens’work in general) is that it will eventuallyhave to die down. Not even the most primamongst us will be able to keep up suchlevels of disapproval, and eventually thewhole attraction of watching ground-breaking and controversial television willfade away and we’ll all be used to seeingthe contents of random people experi-encing a rather odd fifteen minutes offame. It might be exciting to marvel atthe dead bodies Prof.Von Hagens and hisbuddies roll out, and pretend not to beeyeing up the live models as Prof. Leedoodles all over them, but once we’re allused to it, they might as well just be thefake bodies ER uses – at least they’ve gotgood storylines going on too. Sadly,exciting as this series of Anatomy forBeginners has been, the shine will soonhave worn off and there will be little butshock value grabbing viewers. Perhapsthe next series could pep things up with acelebrity episode. No?

Lights, Cadaver...Action!Kate Bryant takes a look at the weird and

wonderful Anatomy for Beginners series...

We all,s q u e a -mishnessa s i d e ,tuned int oChannel 4to watch

Prof. Gunther Von Hagens don hisFedora and chop up a few of his nearestand dearest in Anatomy for Beginners.If the name does not spark a knowingand wary ‘mmm’ from your lips, castyour mind back to 2002 and the furorover Prof. Von Hagens’ Body Worldsexhibition. Corpses preserved by aplastination process, skinned andsometimes dissected but always strik-ing, were all over the place as back-packed tourists wandered around gaw-ping at the splayed out red and whitematter. The Autopsy followed, asautopsies often do, and there couldhave been little more public disap-proval of his actions if Prof.Von Hagenshad come onstage laughing manicallywith a huge drill in one hand and a halfdrunk bottle of whiskey in the other andproceeded to splatter his subject up thewalls. Now with an entire series at hisdisposa, Prof. Von Hagens has enlistedthe help of Prof. John Lee, as officialexplainer of what on earth is going on,and is delving into torsos like nobody’sbusiness. Like a jazzed up version of a4Learning programme for sofa-boundmedical students, Anatomy forBeginners is the newest way to get yourmortality-based kicks on the box.

However, the intrigue of the serieslies not in the OU style illuminations ofthe miracles of the human body, but inthe palpable ‘realness’ the shows have.To say something is ‘real’, especially inthe context of television, is problematicto say the least. For decades we’vehankered after the constructed realismof quality fiction, the twists and turns of

narratives acted out on glossy film.The further shows would go to per-suade us they were ‘real’ with intricateplots, shaky cameras and regionalaccents, the more divorced from theinexplicable and rather tedious aspectsof reality they became, and we loved it.We didn’t need reality when the pre-tend version was quite entertainingenough, thank you. There is anunquestionable sense of comfort thatcomes from the idea that for every deadbody the cops come across on the filthycity streets, there is an explanation.We have all grown to accept that everynow and again the good doctors andnurses on Casualty or similar will lose apatient, but that’s ok when we knowexactly what has gone on. No matter ifit’s poorly done or incomplete, we arealways given some story we can pinonto each fatality that makes it all a biteasier to digest.

Needle-eyed with more than a pass-ing resemblance to a mad scientist,Prof. Von Hagens confronts us with theend, giving none of the lead-up that wehave all grown so used to and reliantupon. There is no comforting explana-tion of the sallow, nude body residingon the steel slab. We’re not evenafforded a face to put the innards to, asthere is a rather ominous white plastermask shielding each body’s face.There is nothing to Anatomy forBeginners but the rather visceralamusement of being able to marvel atthe inner workings of a human body.There is a bizarre moment of recogni-tion that comes over anyone watchingthe programme as they realise that thejelly-like bits wobbling away insideeach of Prof.Von Hagens’ volunteers arealso wobbling away inside of them.The body on the telly that is beingpeeled back in layers reveals things weall know should be there, brain, heart,liver is also making us all a little too

aware of them pumping away insideourselves. The body on the telly isn’tsomebody, it is a body, and it is reducedto the features we all hold in common.For all the thought-provoking, dramaticmoments held over operating tables inER, there only needs to be a glimpse ofa real pair of lungs inflating to have animpact on audiences. No debatesabout whether or not it looks fake, or ifthat’s what they would do ‘in real life’,we have no choice but to let Prof. Leeexplain the intricacies of the respirato-ry system as we lift our jaws off the car-pet.

Leaving for a moment theshows’ place and function inthe evolution of television, itshould be duly noted that theyproved compelling viewing.

Ultimately it was a show that wasintended to be viewer-friendly (henceProf. Lee’s words of wisdom) and thisshouldn’t be forgotten. It may be a lit-tle too dismissive to compare Anatomy

Anatomy for Beginners isthe newest way to get yourmortality based kicks onthe box

Gunther does a meanimpression of the Grinch

“My first crush was the

blond one from Let

Loose, though to this

day I have no idea

why.” Sarah (LIT 1)

With his flowing blond locks, cheeky smile, and wayof holding a guitar in a manner that suggested he’dnever even seen the instrument before, who could failto love our Chesney? A consummate performer, healso starred in the film Buddy’s Song, for which hesang the theme-tune.

Most Memorable Moment: Mostly memorablebecause we hear it every week at the LCR, it has tobe hip-shaking crowd-pleasing self-aggrandising

single The One and Only.

10

26.01.05

“I was always quite

partial to Sonia...”Steve (HIS 2)

“I hav

e to con

fess I

fancied

both B

illy an

d

Mal (from

Neighbou

rs).

What a sl

ag!”

Kate (FTV 3)

“Who was myfirst crush? My PEteacher” Luke (LIT 3)

26.01.05

Feature 11Feature

Nick, Kevin andthe other three were the boy-band allboy-bands envied. Backstreet Boyshad everything: synchronised dancemoves, matching outfits and pop cho-ruses big enough to reverberatethrough sports centres and youthclubs across the land. But no matterhow good they were, it was neverenough to forgive them the singingcareer of Nick Carter’s pre-pubescentbrother Aaron.

Most memorable moment:Backstreet’s Back, alright!

It all started withChildren’s Ward, a kind ofgore-free Casualty for kids.Who would have guessedthat little Paul Nichollswould grow up to be trou-bled Joe Wicks inEastenders?

Most Memorable Moment:Playing brooding Tim instage-school drama The Biz.

To Do List:

1) Write letter

to Kylie

2) Win Blue P

eter Badge

3) Snog Jane f

rom double

maths

Love in the Time of Sonia

Ah, Kylie. What more is there to besaid? Sultry of voice and pert of bot-tom, even in the dark, dungareeddays of Neighbours we all knew therewas more to the diminuitive Aussiethan the soap let us see.

Most memorable moment:Who could forget the day Charlene andScott finally said their wedding vows?

“Sean Maguire.Remember him?” Tracy (LAW 1)

Petite popstar andlad-mag favourite,there is space forLouise Nurding on any-one’s wall.

Most MemorableMoment:Long split from herEternal bandmates, Louiseattempts to revive hersinging career with a coverof Stuck in the Middle With You. Anation of Reservoir Dogs fansweeps.

“It has tp be Jet

from Gladiators.”

Jim (BIO 2)

As far as excuses to watch semi-naked sports-people writhing on bouncy castles go, Gladiators

was one of the best. Remarkably, this show wasregarded as innocent family friendly entertainment.

Most Memorable Moment:The Duel: two people batter each other with giantfoam sticks. Phallic symbolism unintentional.

What better way to celebrate St Valentine’s daythan with a nostalgic ogle at the celebs we used to

fancy? Here, for your viewing pleasure, TheEvent

presents the great and good of yeste-day’s

pin-ups. Read on for a cavalcade of forgotten faces and terrible, terrible h hair, as the students of UEA

reveal who used to adorn their bedroom walls.

Michael J. Fox epitomises1980s cinema like no-oneelse. As well as the one filmwe all remember (Back tothe Future), the fresh-facedyoung star also made aname for himself in suchluminous movies as TeenWolf and Doc Hollywood.

Most memorablemoment:It might be a long timeago now, but to us Michael willalways be Marty McFly.

Backstreet Boys r

the best

Dieter Brummer, best(or perhaps only)known as Shane in

Home and Away, was thesoap pin-up of 1994. He was a lone

figure of cool in the eternal melodramathat was life in Summer Bay.

Most memorable moment:The sun, the sea, the sand, the wetsuit...

“I don’t

thiknk I

had

hormones

that lon

g ago.

Sorry.”

Anon (LIT 3)

Mostly remembered for keeping her coolwhilst being defecated upon by various mem-bers of the animal kingdom, The Really WildShow’s Michaela Strachan was the top pin-up ofkids’ TV.

Most Memorable Moment:Hosting The Wide Awake Club with perennialstudent favourite, Timmy Mallett.

Whatever you were doing on the 14th of January 2005, youprobably felt it. Hanging out the washing you would haveheard the muffled cries of despair in the wind; surfing the ‘net,you would have had that distressing pop-up: "Need to talkabout it? Click here." Some were even reported to have felt itin their sleep, waking up shaking and in a cold sweat. Thatempty space in the pit of your stomach was caused by theshockwaves originating in a little Surrey town.

We can't say it wasn't on the cards. Busted were only popbecause they so wanted to be rock, they were only main-stream because they yearned for the underground. Criticsonly saw them as uncool because they were so, so cool andthere really was no way out from this. Charlie left because hehated the way Busted's fan-base of screaming teenage girlstied down his dreams. It was this curse that held them backfrom being respected by other musicians in the real world -all a rock band wants is respect. Maybe it's also a curse that hisnew band Fightstar will have to overcome too. It has to bequestioned what will become of Fightstar, when the bottom ofevery article proclaiming the Busted split adds that "Charlie isset to take his new band on the road this Friday. The bandreleases their debut EP, 'They Liked You Better When You WereDead, on February 28". It seems like the same hurl into thelimelight that brought Busted so much discontent. But thenagain, isn't this the same fate that Boyzone had, being forced topass on their knowledge to young guns Westlife? Indeed,McFly are already taking the pop-rock/rock-pop/pop-punkthing a step further by appearing in a biographical movie.Hang on a minute… does this remind anyone of S Club 7?

There is no doubt, however, that Busted did start some-thing special. Those fresh faced youths perving on schoolteachers, air hostesses and brides-to-be could not have beenmore innocent, but at the same time they seemed so mature.Playing their own instruments, not even miming live - theywere doing their best to shake off the boy band allegations,maybe preferring the rumours of drug abuse and debauch-ery. OK, so maybe they could have done with a proper drum-mer, and maybe it would have helped if they did actually writetheir own songs (we all believed they did, but apparently not).Then again, they did equal the all-time record by selling outWembley 11 times, and got four number one singles. Theyalso won the 2004 Brit Awards Best Breakthrough Act, and ofcourse that that old chestnut Best Pop Act. Even their mostunexceptional song of all, Thunderbirds Are Go, was votedbest single of 2004. 80,000 screaming teenagers can't bewrong, or so they say.

But 80,000 screaming 12 year olds don't study at UEA, soinstead The Event will predict that in their sorry death Bustedwill perhaps become as big as maybe Vincent Van Gogh, in aless dramatic sense. Maybe they will even release as manyposthumous albums as 2 Pac. Everyone will look back in themin that "retro cool" light that somehow makes the Clangers thecoolest thing this side of the moon.

They might have been a terrible rock group, but there isno denying them the award of rock's best ever boy band.James Bourne, Charlie Simpson and Matt Willis will never liveBusted down, but maybe they won't need to.

Charles Rumsey

Busted Buster12 Music

09.02.05

Curtains is the sixth and final release in a six-month musicmarathon from Red Hot Chilli Peppers guitarist John Fruscaiante.Like most of his solo work, it's terse, lo-fi and melancholy withoccasional moments of studio trickery, such as the backwards gui-tars on Time Tonight that belie his love of New Order andRadiohead. Luckily enough, he does not forget his day job as helets loose with a flashing, Hendrix-style solo on Anne that is equalto any of his best guitar work. However, none of this distracts fromthe core elements of his sketchy acoustic guitar and quaveringvoice, which is pitched somewhere between the nasal bite of BobDylan and West Coast flow of Roger McGuinn, and it's also tempt-ing to find shades of his RHCP associate, Anthony Kiedis, in thedelivery. Much of Fruscaiante's previous solo work has been anattempt to deal with the well documented heroin addiction heonce suffered from, and Curtains is no exception, often describingthe issue as though it were a love affair gone awry. So it's a realtreat to hear this work, which displays a real sense of integrity andhis deep obsession with music.

Nick Brookes

John FruscianteCurtains

Albums

Joe RansomFabric Live 20

Following on from last month'sexcellent Freestylers compila-tion, the latest instalment fromFabricLive is an equally enter-taining effort. Joe Ransom, oneof the nightclub's most popu-lar resident DJs, effortlesslymixes UK hip hop, electro, anddub to create a unique andcatchy sound. The album fea-tures tunes by British rap stal-warts Rodney P, Ty, Seanie T,and The Nextmen, and evenhas room to include DizzeeRascal's Stand Up Tall, plussome Drum 'n' Bass courtesyof Zinc. By having such a high-calibre roster, Ransom hasensured that his first Fabricalbum is as assured as the pre-vious mixes made by JohnPeel and Hype for theFabricLive project. Put simply,this is a strong mix album,which is equally suitable asbackground music as it is forpartying hard.

Joe Espiner

ClayhillMoon I Hide

Anyone who recognises thename Ali Friend, doublebassist from the fantastic butsadly defunct Red Snapper,might be in for a surprise.Clayhill are the antithesis ofRed Snapper’s jazz/drum’n’bass fusion, and have asound reminiscent of the des-perately unsuccessfulHobotalk. Moon I Hide is avery chilled acoustic, folksy-bluesy affair, destined to fail.

But never mind, you get thefeeling Clayhill are definitelynot a band desperate for ram-pant commercial success. Thisrecord is all about artisticintegrity by creating beautifulmusic for its own sake. If onlymore bands could lay claim tothat…

Matt Elliot

AngraTemple of Shadows

Who dares inhabit the fantasyworld of melodic conceptmetal? Meet Angra: EduFalaschi, Kiko Loureiro, RafaelBittencourt, Felipe Andreoliand Aqualis Priester. Look atthe names, look at the hair.Yes, you have joined a cult.However, their album is fun ina deviant society sort of wayand they have a lot of talent(and speed, oh yes, can yousay “frenetic”?). Amidst theconsistent epic guitar, Templeof Shadows has some interest-ing moments - the peacefulmomentary release thatbegins No Pain For The Dead,the string interlude in Templeof Hate, the occasional operasinger... The boldly titledSprouts of Time is an interest-ing song - a change of tone,where the vocalist (can yousay “Bruce Dickenson”?) sud-denly takes on the voice of theDivine Comedy's Neil Hannonand the band turns into a sortof Spanish Yes. In general, it ischronically obscure, but exe-cuted with commendablevigour.

Catherine Lansdown

Whole Sky MonitorJust Let Me Talk To Her

Following on from the well-received We Grow Up EP, theLeeds four-piece Whole SkyMonitor have released theirdebut album, consisting of 11melancholy tracks with lyricscovering politics, death, reli-gion and confusion. Althoughat times the sprawling guitarscan sound a touch depressingand downbeat, the music andlyrics blend very well, creat-ing real emotion. The BasicRock Song is more experimen-tal and has a deliberate unpro-duced feel to it, whereas TheChosen is musically reminis-cent of Bends-era Radiohead,and contains references to theconflict in the Middle East.Another standout track isHorizon with its playful chorus.Some people may find thisalbum a bit bland, but the har-monies have the power toinstill a sense of calmness andtranquillity in the listener.

Victoria Holland

Electric SixSenor Smoke

Electric Six started their musi-cal life in impressive fashion,with the fun dancefloor fillerDanger High Voltage, whichincluded shrieking backingvocals from (arguably, pleasedon't sue) Jack White. But sincethen they seem to havedescended into self parodyand farce quicker than anepisode of the ChuckleBrothers. Senor Smoke is full ofthe same rehashed IronMaiden riffs and hyper camphumour, pretty much all of

which they've done before. Itshould send the serious musiclover running a mile from thisalbum before they've evenrisked pressing play.Undoubtedly this is probablyElectric Six's intention, but inmy mind attempting to becrass, stupid, simple andrepetitive is not ironic, justtiresome. If you want uncom-plicated punk rock, with lash-ings of humour and qualityhooks, listen to The Ramones,not this.

Nick Brookes

ErasureNightbird

As a follow up to their last, direcovers album, Erasure fanswill be relieved to find on thisrecord that the band hasreturned to their classic for-mat: catchy chill-out synth-pop harking back to the ‘80sgolden age. Which means, toanyone else, that the albumsounds like the music fromDisney's Aladdin with a KylieMinogue backing track, butfans will find it a treat. As aValentine’s release it is emo-tional, with every song a time-less combination of love,lament and electronica. Onfirst listen the tracks seemfairly similar, but in fact(annoying as it is), it's difficultnot to find yourself hummingalong very quickly. This initself is a sign of a good popalbum.With The Killers havingbrought the ‘80s back intofashion, who knows, it mightfind a whole new audience -but Nightbird remains Erasureand it certainly won't be toeveryone's taste.

Catherine Lansdown

Sunny Fair StormyRatings:

away those tears as The Event

Busted are no more. But wipe

looks back on the revolution.

Cute, weren’t they?

Another year, another load of bands that are currently theNME’s darlings. I must admit that the only band that I wasfamiliar with, and indeed wished to see, were The Killers. Theother bands I had to suffer through in order to get the gold ofThe Killers were The Kaiser Chiefs, Bloc Party and TheFutureheads. Neither of the previous bands lived up to thehype - the same formula prevailed throughout all of the sup-port bands. There were people in the audience who lovedthem, but I have to admit that they were not really my cup oftea. In fact one of the few good things the Kaiser Chiefs hadgoing for them was the cool light display.

Once the roadies unveiled The Killers’ lit-up back display- their name in lights - I knew that I was in for a treat. It wasunfortunate that Brendon Flowers seemed to think that theLCR was not good enough for his band, saying "I was in a badmood before I came out here. I guess bigger isn't always bet-ter". If that is good news for the Norwich fan base or the factthat at night the LCR looks better than Wembley, we don’t real-ly know. The Killers started off with the fantastic Jenny Was aFriend of Mine which went down a storm. Right to the lastchords of All These Things That I’ve Done The Killers playedsuperbly. Even though The Killers are now a stadium band inthe same light as their idols U2, they were able to make surethat the LCR really did turn into a stadium for a night.

James Banks

The crowd grows in number and in excitement for TheOthers and at 10 pm they come on… and stand there. Folkbands with an average age of 60 are more energetic, andwe’re left with a band totally devoid of stage presence. Apartfrom the bassist who looks amusingly like Robert Smith, thesinger is the only one who moves while performing, albeit likea doped up monkey complete with a blank stare. Drunk onNME fuelled hype and drugged up on their label's money, thisis a band that does not live up to it’s reputation. They aredevoid of passion and have a singer with a voice that soundslike a pissed uncle singing Parklife into a microphone. Thereare no memorable songs as they jar into one another and rideon the same tune.They show no excitement or gratitude at fill-ing the Arts Centre. I left early.

Suzanne Rickenback

The man is a legend. In two and a half hours, the politicalareas we expect are covered, inlcuding Bush, Iraq and theWMD. All subjects are interchanged deftly, and approachedwith a passionate self-deprecating humour. As topics rangefrom sympathy fucks and new wave punks to BarbraStreisand, his intense approach to life becomes infectious andhis anger inspiring. Even more compelling is Rollins’ likenessto every loveable ass that you’ve ever known and the realiza-tion that he is still very down to earth. Damn interesting, he puton an eloquent show without any need for a break and left theaudience not wanting one.

Suzanne Rickenback

Singles

From the pounding drums of the intro, punctuated by a pulsatingcrash of guitars coupled with distorted piano riffs, it's clear thatDoves are back on form. Very few bands manage to successfullymarry rock with electronic experimentalism to such great effect,and this time Doves are promising to fulfil the potential that TheLast Broadcast suggested.Coming nearly six years after their debut album Lost Souls, Doves’new single Black and White Town is the first release from theirforthcoming third album, Some Cities, and features more of whatwe've come to expect. No surprises there really - Doves seems tofill a niche of exigent yet also super-chilled, dreamy, and ambient(almost to the point of easy-listening) music, which very few otherbands pull off successfully.The Mancunian trio are wearing their hearts on their sleeves, asBlack and White Town demands to be listened to. Fraught with rawemotion, honesty, and a sense of pain and regret, somehow Dovescontinue to deliver all this without sounding contrite or insincere.The Doves’ sound could face accusations of being so 1999, but onthis evidence there is definitely nothing wrong with that.

Matt Elliott

13Music

09.02.05

Doves

RammsteinKleine Lust

Quality is expected from theseminal German industrialistsand quality is what you get.Equally as shattering as theirother offerings and better thantheir (already respectable)previous single Amerika, thisone is fast paced and impossi-ble to fight. Having continual-ly established themselves atthe forefront of modern indus-trial music, Rammstein havenot let their music slip and areas furious as ever. Givingmetal in 2005 a promisingstart, this is filled with uncom-promising guitars and vocals.If this doesn't turn either youor a packed dance floor into afrenzy, then there really is nojustice. Buy this now.

Suzanne Rickenback

New Found GloryI Don't Wanna Know

New Found Glory's latestrelease I Don't Wanna Knowdiminishes any promise thatprevious single All DownhillFrom Here had signalled fortheir forthcoming albumCatalyst. Presumably intendedfor NFG's female teenybopperfans to devour teary-eyed dur-ing this romantically festiveperiod, it ends up soundingmore like a baby's lullabystuck on repeat. Why theychose a playground-chantmelody is a mystery, and theincredibly inane lyrics thatcould be the work of a bud-ding eight-year-old poet topthe theme off nicely.Prediction: not even thirteen-year-old-girls wearing stud-ded belts will take to this one.

Sophie Driscoll

U2Sometimes You Can’tMake It On Your Own

The second release from U2'snumber-one album,Sometimes… is a beautifulmonologue written by Bono tohis father, who passed awayduring their last tour in 2001. Aworld away from Vertigo,Sometimes is a slower, moreatmospheric song, buildingfrom a modest and mellowopening to an emotional cli-max, similar to past classicslike With or Without You and AllI Want is You. Bono's passionatevocals shine in this very per-sonal song that'll have youaccepting that U2 still havesomething special, makingtheir current title "The BiggestBand in the World" a well-deserved one.

Nick Brookes

Ed HarcourtLoneliness

For a man whose name hasbeen synonymous withmelody and tender emotion,this new single stands assomething of a change of suitfor the ivory-tinkling song-smith. Harcourt is joined hereby a backing arrangementthat has depth and texture, butlacks emotion. More bluntly,the track has a streak of blandrunning through it; the unchar-acteristically simplistic verse-chorus progression, catchy asit may be, fails entirely toinvigorate. A pity, as EdHarcourt has proven himself asa gifted songwriter in the past,emulating the magic of thelikes of Nick Drake andLeonard Cohen. This, unfortu-nately, lets the side down.

Simon Griffiths

Ambulance LTDStay What You Are

Ambulance Ltd sound likenothing you've ever heard. Intheir own words, they mix"Motown, 60s psychedelicrock and blues, 70s rock, 80sBritpop/new wave and 90sshoegazing", and what a com-bination! The song begins witha moody instrumental thatclearly shows the shoegazinginfluence, after which the gui-tar and drum loops kick in.The vocals don't begin untilnearly one minute later, fol-lowed after another minute byfiercer drumming and exag-gerated guitars. This constant-ly unpredictable change in thesong's style makes it com-pletely fresh and incrediblyrewarding. Listen to this - youwon't be disappointed.

Chris Hyde

SteriogramGo

“New Zealand’s smartassretort to Sum 41”? IfSteriogram happened to behomegrown here in Britain,they would have alreadyachieved McFly status and Iwould be sitting here slatingthem for being pop in rock’sclothing. If they happened tobe West Coast frat boys, theywould already be in the longline waiting to be sliced upwith crackers. I’ve never actu-ally known why people use“radio friendly” as a criticism;Go is radio friendly, but it’s aflawless song. In fact, theVanilla Ice style vocals in theverse of a rock song are quiteclever, but an “instrumental”B-side for karaoke? Maybenot.

Charles Rumsey

IdlewildLove Steals Us FromLoneliness

Well, haven’t RoddyWoomble’s band of merrymen changed in the last fewyears? Gone is the apoplecticbite of When I Argue I SeeShapes or Little Discourage, infavour of a stadium-friendlysound that sounds like MichaelStipe on an off-day. REMalready exists (and have madea fairly successful career out ofbeing, well, REM), so there’s noneed for what used to be oneof Britain’s finest indie bandsto try and bring a little bit ofAthens to Arbroath. Love... is arelatively interesting tune that,to be honest, pales into mildinsignificance when placednext to Idlewild’s back cata-logue and as such is a bit of alet down.

Ben Patashnik

AkonLocked Up

The sleeve might suggestanother moody bad-boy, buton playing there appears apleasant surprise. Locked Up,taken from the album Trouble,details Akon’s feelings inprison. He moved to NewJersey from Senegal with hisfamily at seven, and - althoughdespising hip-hop - discov-ered the ability to communi-cate sensitive issues throughit. Refreshingly, he doesn’t usethe genre to hype up his owntrials. Instead, Akon tackles hissongs in a way that softlydraws the audience into themusic. Locked Up is a cleverlycrafted hip-hop track that willno doubt find its way into theHive on a Thursday night.

Hayley Chappel

Live Reviews

Black and White Town

“Bigger isn’t better”

NME Awards Tour 2005LCR31/01/05

The OthersNorwich Arts Centre22/01/05

Henry Rollins LCR21/01/05

The Event handpicks threelocal bands for your listeningpleasure, so go and find them!

14 Cinema

09.02.05

Over the past year we have seensequels such as Shrek 2, HarryPotter and The Prisoner of

Azkaban, Bridget Jones: The Edge ofReason and Spiderman 2 gracing ourscreens and achieving box office suc-cess. Meet the Fockers, the eagerlyawaited follow-up to Meet the Parents,is filled with sexual innuendo and toilethumour. This sequel follows Greg“Gaylord” Focker (Ben Stiller) and hisfiancée Pam (Tori Polo) finalisingarrangements for their upcoming mar-riage. However, both sides of the familyinevitably have to meet, and this iswhere problems and personality clash-es arise and escalate into an amusingcomedy.

However, it is Bernie Focker (DustinHoffman) who steals the show, with hiseccentric and laid-back portrayal offather Focker. He is in top form as hedelivers powerful lines with a fantasticcomic energy, infecting the entire cast.In her first acting film role in ten yearsBarbara Streisand plays Roz Focker,portraying a caring mother, withoutbeing too overbearing. Barbara seemsto enjoy this role, and her on-screenchemistry with Hoffman works well. Asex therapist to senior citizens, Gregstruggles to hide this from his in-lawswith much comic value.

After grudgingly being acceptedinto his future in-laws’ ‘circle of trust’,the audience observes Greg strugglingto keep himself there, and wishing hisparents would tone their New Age lib-eralism down. We witness the differ-ences between the two families, theconservative middle class Byrnes andthe happy-go-lucky, old fashionedJewish hippies, the Fockers. The reli-gious differences are discovered when

Greg’s foreskin flies into the fondue atdinner.

A surprisingly negative elementwas Robert De Niro in this sequel. Hisperformance as Jack Byrnes was underpar and even dreary in parts. In con-trast, his role in Meet the Parents wasentertaining and witty, as he constantlytreated Greg with sheer condescen-sion. In addition to that, Tori Polo has noscreen presence whatsoever, and isvery bland in her role.

A classic moment comes whenGreg manages to teach Jack Byrnes’treasured grandson his first word –“ass...hole”. This has the audiencerolling around uncontrollably in theirseats – a pure genius moment masterlyaccomplished – crude yet comical.However, the script is far from spectac-ular, with too much forced humourdependent on the family’s monikersounding like a certain naughty word.

Without the reinforcement of the pre-quel, some of the jokes and the constant‘Fockerization’ would not make so muchsense to a general audience.

Although there were a few laugh-able moments, it’s very difficult to claimthis sequel was a good idea. There waspotential for a good story here, and notthe preventable same old gags andmediocre humour. Ben Stiller doesthrow himself enthusiastically into hisrole; he has had six films out in 2004and could do with a sabbatical fromroles like this one. However, for cheaplaughs and a smile, its worth giving achance. It is by far the best antidote forbeating those winter blues.

Priya Shah

It’s that time of year again. For the lastfew weeks, and for a good few moreyet, Jonathan Ross is hindered fur-

ther in his pronunciation, as he simulta-neously froths at the mouth and talksabout nothing other than The Oscars.Then again, if you could choose any-

thing to be saturated with, glitz andglamour is not a bad option. In addition,the event serves the useful function ofhighlighting the must-see films of theyear. This is most valued in the BestForeign Language Film category, whereusually the hype that we often use toguide our choices at the cinema is miss-ing.

The favourite to win this award in2005 is the Spanish film The Sea Inside(Mar Adentro). Directed by AlejandroAmenábar (The Others) and starringJavier Bardem (The Dancer Upstairs),the film tells the real-life story of RamónSampedro.

Paralysed from the neck down-wards since an accident over 20 yearsago, Ramón has decided that he wouldprefer to die than be dependent on hisfamily and friends any longer. As aquadriplegic, however, he cannotrealise his wish on his own – someoneelse must break Spanish law so that hecan ‘die with dignity’.

The film superbly engages the keydebates and moral issues surroundingthe topical subject of euthanasia. Itmanages to tell an interesting and mov-ing story while also being as informa-tive as any documentary.

One naturally grows to sympathisewith the main character and the filmbecomes generally pro-euthanasia.However, differing views are expressedby other characters in the film (a visitorfrom the church gives the Christian per-spective, while Ramón’s older brother

is passionately against euthanasia).Many people will be put off by the

fact that The Sea Inside is a subtitledfilm. At the “surprise film” screeningthis reviewer went to see, many peopleimmediately walked out based on thisfact alone. However, if you are in themood to see a foreign language film,this one is as good as any. JavierBardem puts in a fantastic performanceand is ably supported by the rest of thecast.

The Sea Inside could easily be adepressing film that sketches over theissues and adds nothing extra to a doc-umentary on the topic. The audience,however, quickly grows to like thestraight-talking, witty Ramón.The scriptcontains some great lines, ranging fromthe humorous to the profound (PadreFrancisco:“Freedom without a life is notfreedom”. Ramón: “A life without free-dom is not a life”).

The topic of euthanasia is nothingbut controversial. Having beenlegalised in the Netherlands, somehave called for the same to happen inthis country. It is certainly not an issuethat will go away. The Sea Inside is auseful addition to the debate, not tomention a very good film. As Ramónsays in the film, only time will tell if hisrequest is reasonable. In the meantime,don’t believe the hype of the big block-busters and see this film instead!

Dan Peters

Many people would have been happy with asequel to Amelie. Even those who couldalmost feel their teeth being eaten away by

the overwhelming sweetness of Jean-Pierre Jeunet’stale of a lonely woman’s quest for love left the cinemacharmed and wanting more. With his follow-up film,Jeunet goes part way to fulfilling popular demand, butadds enough new, bitter ingredients to give A VeryLong Engagement a flavour all its own. (And with that,the metaphor collapses wheezing to its knees.)

Once again, Audrey Tautou is called upon to playa quirky, lonely woman, searching for a man to love.Indeed, perhaps to prevent confusion, Jeunet has seenit necessary to include a way to tell Amelie’s Amelieand Engagement’s Matilde apart, by giving the latter alimp. Where the two characters really differ is in cir-cumstance. While Amelie’s brush with tragedy waslearning of Diana’s death on the news, Matilde mustcontend with the Great War.

More specifically, Matilde’s fiancé is missing andpresumed dead. In a stunning opening sequence, weare told of five soldiers, forced out into no man’s landfor trying to escape the trenches with self-inflictedwounds. Among them is Manech, Matilde’s childhoodsweetheart, now shell-shocked and lacking two fin-gers. But no sooner have the five cleared the barbedwire than the French army is ordered to attack. In theconfusion, Manet is assumed to have perished;Matilde, however, has other ideas, and, once the war isover, sets out to discover the truth.

Engagement, then, is essentially a tale of detec-tion. Each new person Matilde meets contributesanother piece to the puzzle, with major revelationsplayed out in sepia-tinted flashbacks. As with all hisprevious work (even Alien Resurrection, a movie cry-

ing out for reappraisal), the sensation that Jeunet’scamera could go anywhere at any moment is centralto the film’s appeal. In the early stages, this lightnessof touch may feel a little inappropriate for the subjectmatter, but as the story progresses, the consequencesof war begin to weigh more heavily. By the conclu-sion, Matilde’s willfully whimsical approach to the hor-rors she discovers are entirely justified.

Though hardly the film’s fault, the initially hesitanttone is not helped by a certain series of beer com-mercials. With its muted colours, subtitles and weath-ered-looking cast, it’s a good half-hour before you feelabsolutely secure Engagement won’t suddenly try tosell you Stella Artois. This admittedly minor failing isindicative of a more major problem, that Jeunet occa-sionally appears willing to sacrifice narrative pro-gression to find new ways of presenting warfare. Ascene set in an exploding airship hanger is stunningbut utterly unnecessary, and too much time is spent ina beautifully rendered CGI Paris, circa 1919.

All in all, A Very Long Engagement never quiteconvinces as anything more than a series of astonish-ing moments. While cast and crew are uniformlyexcellent, delivering scenes that are alternately funny,touching and shocking, the numerous distractions onoffer (hey look – it’s Jodie Foster!) ultimately detractfrom the story at the film’s centre. Jeunet has shown hecan do light (Amelie) and dark (Delicatessen, The Cityof Lost Children); in trying to combine the two, he verynearly delivers the first disappointment of his career(ALIEN. RESURRECTION.WAS. GOOD. DAMN. IT.).

Stanley Goodspeed

Meet the Fockers

T h e M a i n f e a t u r eThe Other Screen

A Very LongEngagement

The Sea Inside

B - M o v i e

15DVD

09.02.05

Wicker Park is the story of soon-to-be-wed investment bankerMatthew, played by Josh

Hartnett (Pearl Harbour) who, on theeve of a business trip to China, believeshe has spotted a long lost love, Lisa(Diane Kruger,Troy), who walked out onhim two years previously and whom hehas not seen since. Instead of going onhis trip Matthew lies to his fiancée andbegins a relentless hunt for Lisa. Theplot thickens when Matthew’s trail endsmysteriously with a woman, alsoanswering to the name of Lisa, whoseems suspiciously like his lost girl-friend, and may just hold the key towhat he is searching for. To complicatethings further, Matthew’s friend Lukebegins dating this mysterious girl,unaware of the part she plays in his bestfriend’s life. A story of betrayal, love,obsession and thrills is what ensuesover the next couple of hours…or so

they lead you to believe.Wicker Park is based on the French

film L’Appartement, written by GillesMimouni and is directed by PaulMcGuigan’s (of Gangster No.1 and TheAcid House fame), and has beendescribed as having a Hitchcockianatmosphere. It is, in part, quite stylishwith its creative use of split screen andthe blending of shots as the differentcharacters lives cross, but that is wherethe creativity stops. The film consistsmainly of a number of crucial flash-backs to earlier events in the charac-ters’ history, but the way they are por-trayed is uninspired and rather con-trived. The characters spend a longtime standing, thinking, while the flash-backs take place only to be jolted backto reality by a knock at the door or theinfamous toot of New York taxi driver’shorn. The flashbacks are all that reallydrive the storyline, pushing the plot for-

ward methodically.The film does have its fair share of

twist and turns which keep you guess-ing, but the film lacks any real suspenseand sets up extra characters, such asthe ex-husband of Lisa, who later rathermysteriously disappears from the plotafter fulfilling his role as a red-herring.To care about these characters’mediocre plights would be as shallowand depthless as the characters them-selves, who appear to have no historyother than the predicament they arefacing at this moment in time. One mayfind themselves creating new plots forthe characters, most probably involvingsome sort of terrible accident or a timemachine that accidentally wipes themout of existence. The film seems moreinterested in creating a twisty-turnyplot line than character development,which is not necessarily a bad thingand would be in keeping with manyHitchcock storylines; however, the pho-tography and acting are not really up toa high enough standard to justify such aplot-driven piece.

Though I would not want to spoil theending for you, it is pretty clear fromthe start where this film is going, and ifyou happened to only catch the lastcouple of minutes you may be mistakenin thinking that you are, in fact, watch-ing Love Actually and its similarly sicklyairport finale. The film moves from apotentially thrilling mystery story witha Hitchcockian style and an off-beatsoundtrack to a painfully slow fall intothe realms of Hollywood pap, endingrather ominously with Coldplay’sScientist, whose lyrics sum up the art ofmaking a good remake and may at leastbe some consolation to the filmmakers:“Nobody said it was easy…”

Wicker Park is released byMomentum Pictures on 7th February.

Toby Sleigh-Johnson

Music From Another Room is aromantic comedy which fol-lows the story of Danny, played

by a young and weedy looking JudeLaw, a twenty-something who isobsessed with the idea of fate and thequest for true love.

The film begins by showing Dannyas a young boy, and tells the story ofhow he bizarrely ends up helping todeliver a family friend’s baby. On see-ing the baby girl, Anna, who he has justhelped to deliver, the young Danny pro-claims that he is going to marry herwhen she is older. The film then skipsforward twenty years and shows Danny,after growing up in England, returninghome to the American town where hewas born and where he helped deliverAnna. Danny then inevitably bumps intoan adult Anna, played by Gretchen Mol,and he realises that he is in love withher, yet she is engaged to be married tothe boring-but-rich Eric. Danny thenproceeds to become entwined in thedysfunctional lives of Anna’s family andthey all end up depending on him inone way or another, while he deter-minedly attempts to convince Anna thatthey are destined to be together.

As romantic comedies go, MusicFrom Another Room doesn’t offer anynovel ways of presenting the typicalboy-meets-girl-story, and in fact the

whole idea of Danny’s obsessive deter-mination to marry Anna is quite creepyand in some places a bit sinister. Thefilm attempts to come across as a heart-warming story of love which has beendestined from birth, but in fact there isnot enough chemistry between the twomain characters to keep the viewereven slightly invested in the outcome oftheir relationship.

Much more engaging are the rela-tionships between the supporting char-acters who all have more interestingproblems. Particularly compelling isthe story of how Nina, Anna’s blind sis-ter, manages to reclaim her life fromher overprotective family.

As for the casting of the film, JudeLaw definitely outshines his fellow castmembers. Although Danny is not one ofhis best-chosen roles, he adds someendearing naivety to the character;however, it isn’t surprising that this isnot one of the films he reels out whenencountered with the question: ‘whathave you been in?’ The film’s mainproblem is that it seems to be trying tobe something that it isn’t. By addingelements of problems within a familythe film attempts to cross the line ofstraightforward romantic comedy intopretentious social drama. In addition,the overuse of one particularly annoy-ing Savage Garden song makes you at

times wish the soundtrack music wasactually coming from another room.

Music From Another Room isreleased by Optimum on 7th February.

Claudia Webb

Why would anyone even dare to attempt aprequel? They’re often divisive, and arealways tricky to pull off, often ending up

more of a doorstopper than an Oscar winner.This, youwould think, would seem to apply especially whenyou are following the good low-budget original Cube(1997), and the not so-excellent, literally overhypedsequel, Cube 2: Hypercube (2002); in the minds ofmost aficionados, all of this climbing about in a Cubenonsense was a jinxed franchise, a lost opportunity, ifever there was one.

Fortunately, Ernie Barbarash, the director of theprequel Cube Zero, has chosen to disregard most ofthe above, and has come up with a thoroughly watch-able and enjoyable film. Gone is most of the preten-tious dialogue and plot of the sequel, and the domi-nating philosophy seminar style of the original; intro-duced instead is a more than welcome well-handledreturn to the basics; emphasising plot, action andeffects, as well as throwing in some amusing and well-motivated characters to care about.

The plot follows Wynn (Zachary Bennett), a techni-cian analysing the prisoners from the cube’s controlroom. He develops sympathy for one of the prisonerstrapped inside the cube, Rains (Stephanie Moore).He’s a questioning, conscientious type, and can’tsquare this growing sympathy and love with his job;eventually he courageously enters the cube to try andrescue her, and what follows is an elaborate game ofcat and mouse –his employers chase him, while hetries to find the exit and save the girl. Throughout thiswell-written adventure the inevitable deaths are dealtwith elaborate CGI abandon – we see prisonerssliced, burned, spiked, electrocuted and infected;importantly though, these special effects never threat-en to take over the story – are you listening, Lucas?!

There are other characters, apart from Wynn andRains, to care about too; a small team of prisoners inthe cube that slowly becomes smaller, a nerdy techni-cian who annoys Wynn, and some smartly-dressedAgent Smith type characters who try to kill Wynn. Thebest of these supporting characters is an eccentric,faux-English aristocratic character named Jax, who issent from ‘on high’ to the control room when Wynnenters the cube. He spends most of the film utteringwitticisms, or else shaking his walking stick and mon-ocle in rage at not being able to kill Wynn. In onescene, he even helpfully explains why the cube existsin the first place. All told, this strange mixture of char-acters actually fits well alongside each other, manag-ing to be original and eccentric without divertingfrom the story.

Overall, Cube Zero is surprisingly involving; tap-ping in to the ambiguous nihilism that made Cube sat-isfying, while adding an extra layer to the originalstory that sets up Cube well. It is a well constructedfilm, containing just the right balance between inter-esting effects and interesting characters. As a prequelit deserves to be seen, as it more than matches thefilms that followed it. As a film in itself it is entertain-ing, as well as being heartening evidence that there isstill room for great low-budget sci-fi films.

Cube Zero is released 14th february by MosaicEntertainment.

Stephen Sharrock

P l a y M o v i e

E x t r a f e a t u r e s

Director’s Commentary

Wicker Park Cube Zero

Music from Another Room

16 Arts

09.02.05

TheatrePreview

This solo performance of text-less theatre, combining ele-ments of mime, clowning, pup-petry, dance and music had itspremiere in Brighton last April

and has been touring around the countryever since. The show is written and per-formed by Nola Rae.

The play starts with an abandonedcampaign tent flapping in the wind. Anarmy cook advances towards the tentblowing his rusty bugle, alone in the worldexcept for a company of ghost comrades.

He doesn’t know why he is walkingthrough the tent, but something drawshim. He sees signs of recent occupation, atricorn hat, a French imperial flag, and apair of boots with vicious spurs. Thetheme of the play is dangerous charisma.This refers to various other dictators whoall start as outsiders, yet manage to gainpower and assert their flawed personali-ties onto those below them.

Simon Jackson

Exit Napoleon Pursued by Rabbits will beperformed at the Norwich Playhouse,Saturday, 12th February, 7.30 pm.Tickets £8 (£6.50 with student cards).

Book Reviews

Comedy Preview

UEA plays host to Jackson’sWay on Sunday 20th ofFebruary, an act precededby praise of the highestorder. As well as winning

the Perrier Comedy Award in 2004, theset has been described as “Simply thebest, funniest, cleverest miracle ofmake-believe” by The Scotsman,“Thrillingly, inventively, hilariouslyodd” by The Times and “A belly laughof a gig” by the Evening Standard. Butwho is this mysterious figure they callChris John Jackson, and what of thecomic mastermind behind the charac-ter?

Chris John Jackson is, foremost, a

loser. Furthermore, he is a loser withwhom many of us can empathise - Chrisis an over-zealous motivational speak-er. Some may have had the misfortuneto come into contact with such charac-ters themselves, but for nearly every-one else, the deluded character ofDavid Brent has become fondlyengrained upon the mind, and Chrisfollows satirical suit as a walking paro-dy, trapped in a world of corporate jar-gon and desperate futility.

What sets this work apart from thelikes of Ricky Gervais is an element offirst-hand sincerity, only truly attain-able through stand-up. The comedianresponsible is Will Adamsdale, gradu-

ate of the Oxford School of Drama andformer BBC actor. After several years ofexperience and numerous televisionroles, Adamsdale gave birth to ChrisJohn Jackson in a pub cabaret act in hisnative London.

Soon, his talents were noticed byKate McGrath, producer for theBattersea Arts Centre. Jackson’s Waytook up a residency at the BAC, appear-ing as part of the Scratch programme, aworkshop for upcoming performers.After a year or so of Scratch perform-ances, Adamsdale was invited to takeJackson’s Way to Edinburgh as part ofthe annual Fringe festival. This was thelaunch pad for Adamsdale and his

comic creation, and follow-ing press adulation andfavourable word-of-mouthpublicity, Jackson’s Way hitsthe road for a 25 date touraround the UK and Ireland.

When Chris John Jacksontakes the stage on Sunday,20th Feb in the LCR, com-plete with compassionatesmile and head-set micro-phone, I urge all UEA stu-dents to attend his infinitelyhelpful seminar.

Simon Griffiths

The firstinklings ofr o m a n c eare stirringin Neil

Flack. At thirteen,with the aid of hisplot-hatching friendBrendan, Neil feels itis time to leave the

world of ogling girls from behinduprooted trees. He has fallen for Adele,a serious, pretty girl from the popularcrowd at school. Brendan has his eyeson Adele’s friend Gillian.

Cupid’s window of opportunity ispresented by drama classes, where theboys try everything to get into the samegroup as their heartthrobs. Neil andBrendan set the cogs in motion, butrealise with horror that they will actual-ly have to start talking to girls andappear interesting.

Neil decides there is only one way

to win the heart of Adele: he must writeher a poetic Valentine card. The youngpoet’s early verse is stilted.

Strawberries are redViolets are blueYou’re tasty (yummy?) enoughTo put in a stew.

But with a little help from e.e. cum-mings, Charles Baudelaire and PabloNeruda, the young poet produces apotent Valentine which causes quite astir at Denesgrove Secondary. Neil mustovercome his growing reputation as apervert and fight off the attentions ofthe school she-bully. There is thechance that the Valentine’s card mightjust work some magic.

Neil’s home life is shaky. His mumhas left and his older brother Craiglounges around watching tv and com-paring his farts to gravy. Neil’s dadcopes with the marital breakdown by

using his army training to teach his sonsto break the bones of potential attack-ers. One slightly over-zealous demon-stration of commando techniquerearranges the bones in Neil’s leg. Thisinconveniences Neil’s spying habits, ashe can no longer withdraw himself fromoutside of keyholes quickly enough.

The action of the book takes placefrom the 8th- 25th February 1983. Neillooks back as an adult, twenty-years on,with a mixture of nostalgia and cringingembarrassment.

Saint Valentine is Nick Tomlinson’sdebut novel and is published byTransworld. It is a light, enjoyable readfor teenagers and older and is athoughtful portrayal of the tentative,and frequently confused manner inwhich adolescents begin expressinglove and desire.

Saint Valentine is available fromAmazon at £5.59

This startling debut novel byJon McGregor is the kindwhich inevitably provokesviolent reactions in its read-ers. It is, undeniably, of the

love-me-or-hate-me ilk. The introduc-tory pages are, for those who delight inthe poetic, utterly entrancing.McGregor’s intimate observations ofthe sounds made by a city resound witha sing-song quality that is hypnotic. It isfair to say that some readers might beput off by the richly layered imagery,but it is that same tight, evocative lan-guage which will snare other readers inhopeless absorption.

The rest of the novel proceeds toexplore two unfolding stories – one of asomewhat dilapidated street and itsresidents, and one following a residenta few years on; a young woman wholived on the street as a student. Bothstories contain, buried within them, adeeply unnerving sense of the lurking

unknown. This ominous undercurrentpulses beneath McGregor’s beautifuldepictions of everyday occurrences,

such as an old married couple walkingdown a street, or a child playing on thepavement, and generally unsettles the

idea of the ordinary.We are shown snatches of the pri-

vate lives unfolding in every householdon the street, yet most of the charactersremain unnamed by the conclusion ofthe book. They are distinguished sim-ply by the number of the house theylive in, their age and their gender.McGregor offers an incisive insight intotheir existences, and yet withholds thedefinitive identification brought by giv-ing them names.

The result is that these stories,these loves and deaths, families andfriendships, are immediately transfer-able to any place and to anyone. Youfind yourself casting a glance out of thewindow after you’ve finished the novel,with a strange heightened awareness ofall the tragedies and comedies that are playing out all around you, screenedbehind brick walls.

Gabrielle Barnes

Perrier awarded comedy Jackson’s Way comes to UEA on Sunday 20th Feb

Exit NapoleonPursued by Rabbitsat the PlayhouseSaturday 12th Feb

Favourite Book: If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things

Luke Roberts reads Nick Tomlinson’s Saint Valentine

Definately time to leave Napoloen

The Sonic Mega Collection Pluscontains everything the die-hard Sonic series fan needs.You’ll be able to relive all ofthose carefree days where

your only objective was to get from theleft-hand side of a linear course to theright hand side, and kudos to those whograbbed some shiny gold rings alongthe way. In fact, playing the Sonic MegaCollection Plus is a much neededreminder of just how important playa-bility is to a game, regardless of graph-ics or elaborate narratives. This isexactly the element lacking in the latterefforts to update the Sonic franchise,and why that mustachioed Mario is still

a star character for Nintendo.The Sonic Mega Collection Plus is a

spruced up version of the Sonic MegaCollection, but with a few added bonus-es thrown in for good measure. Themost notable of these features is theability to save your game at any point.Purists may turn their noses up at this,but it’s a pleasant option to have andmakes it a lot more enjoyable to spendtime exploring the levels of these clas-sics, which is one of the main appealsthe collection sports.

The attraction of the collection isgreatly diminished for those who didn’tcatch the Sonic trend at the right time.Failing to move with the times and

therefore falling out of favour withthe average gamer, the wordSonic is no longer the familiarmark of quality it once was, andalthough its influence can be felt evennow in new titles, the endearing faultsof those in the Sonic Mega CollectionPlus may not hold much sway withnewcomers. Being relegated to the‘best of’ range of produce showsthat the well known spiny critter isnot planning to have any new hits inthe near future. Nonetheless, the col-lection is a worthwhile and enjoyablebuy.

Kate Bryant

09.02.05

When you thought ‘car-toons’ and ‘tough satire’were only broughttogether by the likes ofThe Simpsons and South

Park, along comes this Rocky andBullwinkle DVD box-set to remind youthat isn’t so. The first season was shown in1959, during the height of the Cold War,and yet it still remains as funny and cut-ting today.

In these recently restored episodes,we follow the adventures of Rocket J.Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose, bothinhabitants of Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.

This fun, freewheeling pair get them-selves involved in sim-

ple enjoyable scrapes,and yet are neverfar from satire.

Throughout theseries, two bum-

bling ‘Pottsylvanian’( r e a d :‘Russian’)

spies chasethem across the globe. Perhaps funniestof all is a segment in which Walt Disneyand his over-aggressive marketing areparodied in a piece titled ‘Sleeping-Beauty Land’.

Besides Rocky and Bullwinkle, wealso have the fantastic ‘Mr Peabody’, aremake of Aesop’s fables (Aesop andSon), and a ‘Mr Know-it-All’. On top ofthis, we have a few added features,including a hilarious ‘Dear Bullwinkle’Agony-Aunt segment, some fun TV trail-ers, and a rare, government-sponsored‘saving stamps’ episode in which the for-eign spies tell American viewers to buy‘wasting stamps’ instead.

A firm favourite across the pond, thisbox set is well-timed to find new fans thisside of the Atlantic, easily tapping intothe tradition of clever, subversive, andpopular North American cartoons we allknow and love; just don’t pre-judge it bythe tame De Niro movie.

Stephen Sharrock

As the runt of the litter,Channel 5 can often be leftbehind its four compara-tively burly siblings interms of quality, innovative

programming. True to form, forValentine’s Day they’ve dug deep, givenit their best shot and have wound upwith Britain’s Favourite Love Songs.That’s right, a rundown of the nation’smost loved schmoozy ditties for happycouples to snuggle up in front of. Themost obvious problem with this reason-ing is that most happy couples will bebusy wining and dining one anotherand the singles amongst us will find lit-tle appeal in a syrupy sweet version ofTop of the Pops.

In favour of Channel 5’s valiantattempt at topical programming, theother channels seem to be doing little to

nothing to cater for the telly addict’scraving for seasonal romance, leavingBritain’s Favourite Love Songs as the toppiece of Valentine’s viewing so far.Unfortunately, it may be a rather nippyday in hell before any self-respectingindividual will accept their significantother planning their special evening ofromance around what’s on the telly.

The results Britain’s Favourite LoveSongs will chart have been voted for bythe British public, so we can expect allthe usual: Sonny and Cher,Whitney, andBryan Adams. The show also tells thestory behind some of the more intrigu-ing entries.While many of us have neverwondered where the inspiration forBritney’s Baby One More Time comesfrom, there’s no harm in learning.You’ve got to love them for trying,haven’t you? Kate Bryant

Poor old Toadie is in for arough ride over the next fewdays. Having managed to putSindi and Stewart’s betrayalbehind him, he is faced with a

whole new barrage of problems. Firstly,Stingray’s embarrassing mother Janellearrives on the street avec caravan anddemands that her nephew help her suefor compensation after a car accidenthas left her in a neck brace. Toadierefuses to represent her, causingStingray to go over the top defendinghis mother. As if a family debacle is notenough, his relationship with Sindi

becomes even more complicated whenStingray leads her to mistakenlybelieve that he is going to propose.While this is quite enough for any oneperson to stand, the powers that be insoapland are inevitably fond of kickinga man when he is down. Toadie findshimself trapped in a bank with Stewartand Sindi during a robbery. Maybe it isthe shock of his brush with armedcrime that leads the lawyer to advisehis best friend and housemate, Connor,to ‘snatch’ his daughter Maddy. The factthat kidnapping is illegal doesn’tappear to enter his mind – perhaps hemissed the lectures on that section ofthe law, let this be a lesson to us all.

Viewers should also spare a sympa-thetic thought for Max this fortnight ashis already ailing male ego takes anoth-er downturn. Not only does he have todeal with a rather painful wasp sting tohis nether regions but must contendwith Lynn’s ill disguised amusement.

We will leave you in breathless antici-pation as to how a wasp comes into oneto one contact with ‘little Max’ – surely itwill bring a tear to the eye.

In keeping with the romantic timeof year, Hollyoaks has come over allhearts and flowers. Bombhead gets hisfirst glimpse of true love but is sadly leftbroken hearted by the unfortunatelynamed Cherry. The long running andoften boring saga of Tony and Mandytakes a more interesting turn when thepo-faced blonde jumps on a plane toItaly to win back her man. In the mean-time, Tony has been getting cosy withbella donna Silvia and is checking outthe sights of Rome. Will Mandy be toolate in her quest to win back her truelove? Will Tony swap the delights ofRome for Hollyoaks village? Why is itthat women seem to fall at his feet? Oh,sweet mystery of life!

Martha Hammond and Kim Howe

TV DVD:Rockyand

Bullwinkle

Soap News: Hollyoaks and

Monday 14th Feb, 9pm, Channel 5

Toadie is having a tough time of it on Ramsay Street, while in

Rocky and BullwinkleDVD BoxsetReleased: 14th Feb

Neighbours

A speedy, spiky wander down memory lane for the gaming connoisseur...

TV Preview: Britain’s FavouriteLove Songs

Hollyoaks, Mandy jets off to Rome in search of Tony...

TV/Digital 17

Digital Stuff: Sonic Mega Collection Plus

18

09.02.05

In Association with d i t t o /

Advice For Valentines(a cautionary tale)

I oft do wonder how ye live thy daysWhen thou insists 'pon walking joined at lips‘Tis bad enough to know thy soul's ablazeWithout you groping, grabbing at her tits.She seems to like his, slurping at your earAnd marches on in amorous paradeAnd next her stoop to pat and pinch thy rearIs proof to all that ye are getting laid.They oft bemoan this partnership, do friends,As victims of your love feel grave neglect.I'd well advise you: seek to make amendsFor friends are allies, worthy of respectI pity much the insecure of heartFor whom the single life seems so unknownBut try and spend some time apart each dayAnd t'is more sure you'll not end up aloneSo wrong me not; I loathe scorn love in bloomBut heed my wisdom: get thyselves a room.

- Zoe Neville-Smith

Bloody Men(since we’re on a romantic theme...)

Bloody men are like bloody buses-

You wait for about a yearAnd as soon as one approaches your stopTwo or three others appear.You look at them flashing their indicators,Offering you a ride.You're trying to read the destinations,You haven't much time to decide.If you make a mistake, there is no turning back.Jump off, and you'll stand there and gazeWhile the cars and the taxis and lorries go byAnd the minutes, the hours, the days.

- Wendy Cope

3y - 19 = 7x + 7

"Does everybody get that?"Says Miss Chattam to us all.We stare in baffled silence at the whiteboard onthe wall,Where algebraic functions scrawled in blackand blue and redTwist and turn and solve themselves, and hurtmy little head.

3y - 19 = 7x + 7What must x be equal to if y = 11?

Of course, nobody "gets that",We're just to scared to sayThat since we started algebra (a week agotoday)It might as well be Arabic, or hieroglyphsinsteadThat twist and turn and solve themselves, and

hurt my aching head.

3y - 19 = 7x + 7What must x be equal to if y = 11?

The spindly Chattam "gets that"So she moves to question two.She's clearly unaware that no, we haven't got aclue,And most of us are bored to tears, not havingany funAnd of that group, I have to say that I, like x, amone.

- Luke Owen

The Tragic History Of Kenny -(the saga continueth...)

"There is in land of Autumn Queen,"Was the feathered thing's reply,"A valley called the Thunder's Dream.A cave inhabited is nigh

By an old being of the deep.A being ancient more than we,Shapèd as a speaking sheep,And that being must you see.

All the armour, swords and shields,The white horse and other needs,Trust in me, that creature yields,And must you take them for your deeds.

The creature's name is Mondolar,Go speak it now and live your fate."Thus the raven spread afarIts death-black wings, to elevate

Its night-like body into the sky,Like a tear wept by a cloud.At that young Kenny sent a cryOf joy so clear and loud,

And stamped on his crop-yielding toolsAnd scorned his shabby clothes."These are things for poor and fools;I'll soon be wearing mightier robes."

- Andrea “The Goose" Tallarita

The Sonnet of The Two Jaguars

Poor Prescott’s housing plans are wackAnd all his schemes are way off track,For quite despite the water lackAll brownfields are for chavs on crack.

His plans are not sustainable,And London’s not containable,His goals are unexplainable,And truly unnatainable.

That man whom all of us detestHas quite ignored the great North-West.Demand may not be at its best,But that is why he should invest!

The South’s alreday far too fat.But so is Prescott, come to that.

- James “call that a sustainable comunites planyou twat?” Conway

Where The Sun Shineth Not(ode to pubic hair...mm, romantic)

The hairs are curled like hooks, they catch andthey cloy,At one another locking locked bodies Thick with juices and sweat together, refusingto let go.They serve no function, harbingers of puberty,The unseen ornaments, misplaced manes ofgenitalia.They are shaved and waxed.Unsightly curved follicles begone,You repulse me!

Until that moment when we disconnect And as I roll over, off of your body,I feel our hair, wet, curled and soft intertwined and pulling apart like little fingers on little hands desperately grasping for each other.

- Dan “needs to get out more” Magee

Wishes Of An Elderly Man At A GardenParty

I wish I loved the Human Race;I wish I loved its silly face;I wish I liked the way it walks;I wish I liked the way it talks;And when I’m introduced to one,I wish i though What Jolly Fun!

- Sir Walter Raleigh

The Incredible Adventures of Humphrey-Nose

(A work of epic lunacy...)

Cumberbund Humphrey-nose Egbert the ThirdLived till sixteen without saying a word.Thinking him an incorrigible fool,The Prime Minister cried that, according torule,He must be prepared, be made a tin hat, andimmediately sent off to Mars with a cat.

Prince Jeffrey of Perth, as the feline was known,Had been crowned for his daring adventures inFrome.He kept a small frog in a velveteen caseAnd had sewed it a fine coat with ruffles of lace.He brought to the spaceship a flask of EarlGreyWith marmalade rolls arranged on a tray.

So, Humphrey-nose, Froggy, and Jeffrey theRoyal,Entered the rocket, a-wrapped in tin-foil.It sputtered and sparked and set off with asploosh,Trailing behind it a car and a bush.They set off towards the magnificent starsAnd before tea-time were arriving at Mars.

Mars seemed a planet of unusual sizeInhabited by sheep wearing wellies and ties.Humphrey-nose found with incredible gleeThat they were all rather fond of truffles andtea.They danced the bolero and tango till dawnAnd feasted on turnips, well roasted, with corn.

They stayed with the tribe for a year and a dayBefore plummeting home in hats made of hay.The world, so in awe of their wonderful feat,Pleaded for Humphrey to finally speak.So he rose up before the multitudinous throng,And all of a sudden he burst into song,He warbled all of Duke Ellington’s hits,Then promptly turned mauve and exploded inbits!

- Ruth Gordon

Creative Writing

haikus...

Mr T's gold chainsTeach us our brotherhood, andTo pity the fool

- Naked ‘Matt’

My tutor awaitsAn astute contribution - Alas, I have none.

- Merinne Whitton

Immigrant nurses:They sustain the NHS.Howard is a twat.

-Patrick O’Read

Syllabalistics,Words as trees, eat my comma.Literature sucks.

- Ben Patashnik

Drop everything Stop what you are doing andWrite more poetry.

- Anon Ymous

Music tripped off his tongue in ugly syllablesDisrupting my calm.

- Luke Roberts

Rain against windowBurnt pizza in oven.It’s Valentine’s day.

- Dean BowmanFootball-studded shoesAre an affront to nature.Please keep off the grass.

- Peter Osthead

Send contributions to:concrete.event@uea.ac.uk

and/orconcrete.turf@uea.ac.uk

Creative Writing

19

26.01.05

Listings

Union Films (LT1, 7.30pm)

Inside I’m DancingThursday 3rd February

i, robotFriday 4th February

AlfieThursday 10th February

Bad EducationFriday 11th February

Cinema City@The Playhouse

Mondovino Sunday 6th-Monday 7th February

Napoleon DynamiteSunday 6th-Monday 7th February

The Motorcycle DiariesSunday 6th-Monday 7th February

The CorporationSunday 13th-Monday 14th February

Garden StateSunday 13th-Monday 14th February

The IncrediblesSaturday 19th february 11am

A Very Long EngagementFriday 18th-Thursday 24th February

SidewaysFriday 18th-Thursday 24th February

UEA Arts 01.02East Anglian Film Archive presents:

BygonesWednesday 9th February, 1-2pm

Forthcoming Releases

Friday 11th FebruaryHide And SeekLaura’s StarSon of the MaskSponge Bob Square Pants:The MovieThe Sea Inside

Beats in Abundance

The HiveTuesday 15th February Hip-hop, funk, reggae, drum + bass

UEA LCR

Pharcyde and TySaturday 12th February

Biffy ClyroSaturday 19th February

Goldie Lookin Chain

Wednesday 23rd February

The Waterfront

RoosterTuesday 15th February

KneehighThursday 17th February

Film

Listings

Norwich Arts Centre

Preston ReedWednesday 9th February

Deadstring BrosThursday 10th February

AzizWednesday 16th February

Glenn TillbrookTuesday 22nd February

Drama Studio

A Call from BroadwayFriday 11th February

Theatre Royal

The Nutcracker & La BayadereMonday 7th-Saturday 12th February

Johann Strauss GalaSunday 13th February

Postman PatMonday 14th February-Wednesday 16thFebruary

All The World’s A CircusThursday 17th February

Harry Hill Friday 18th february

Errol BrownSaturday 19th February

Scooby-Doo in StagefrightMonday 21st-Saturday 26th February

Playhouse

Tony RobinsonWednesday 9th February

The Big Chris Barber BandThursday 10th February

Ed ByrneFriday 11th February

Think FloydThursday 17th February

Maddermarket

SleuthThursday 17th-Saturday 26th February

Music

Spongebob Squarepants released on Friday11th February.“A hero is rising”, apparently

Even The Incredibles were scared whenthe Jehova’s Witnesses knocked

Audrey Tautou in A Very Long Engagement

Goldie Lookin Chain,back again

Arts