the minds of boys and girls® helping boys thrive® …the minds of boys and girls® helping boys...

The Minds of Boys and Girls® Boys and Girls Learn Differently®Helping Boys Thrive®

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Understanding and Parenting the Minds of Boys and Girls!


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Nature, Nurture, and Culture• Sex/Gender, like personality, is based in nature, and expressed

through nurture, socialization, and culture.• Nature-Based Theory. Nurture the Nature. An Eco-Systems

Approach.


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Just out!A new book for men

on“how to understand

women!”

Question: How large and detailed is our theoretical, educational and counseling manual on how to

understand boys and men?


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Some Key Parenting Questions This Course Will Answer• What are strategies and best practices for raising my children in general and boys and

girls in particular?• Is there a male and female brain and/or is all gender fluid? Why is the answer to that

question important to child-raising?• How can I maximize my child’s relationships with mom, dad, and other mentors to

provide a safe and challenging maturation environment for my children? • What are the effects of negative stress/trauma and social pressure on my child’s brain?• What are the healthiest boundaries to set on digital life (screen time, social media, video

games, Smart Phones), and at what ages?• How do I help my children handle bullying and cyber-bullying?• What are the new innovations in parenting (e.g. gene testing, brain scans, the three-

family system, new diagnoses).• How do I protect my children who have anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, ASD, or other

brain issues?

GI utilizes a gender lens as well as holistic research in nature, nurture, and culture.


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Parenting Boys and Girls In Particular• What do my boys need to survive and thrive in a world that often tells them they are

inherently defective?• What does every parent and caregiver need to know about the male brain?• What does every parent and caregiver need to know about the female brain?• How do we improve girls’ technology and engineering (STEM) learning both in school

and at home?• What are good strategies for helping my children, especially my sons, with school work,

homework, organization, and empathy?• What are good strategies for helping my children, especially my daughters, navigate the

tween and teen dramas and emotional upheavals?• What are the real causes of violence among our youth? How do we protect our own

children?• Do our educational systems understand our boys’ minds and hearts the way we need

them to? If not, what can we as parents do?


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Immediate Strategies and Stories, From You!

• What are the new standards for mother/son and father/son sex talks in the context of #MeToo? (The Three Times Rule? What is ‘Consent’?)

• My daughter (son) is quite shy…How do I help with her/his social life? (Shy can be brilliant…focus on a few friends, not too many).

• Is ADD/ADHD over-diagnosed in schools, and what do we do? (Neuro-psych batteries and beware of food/beverage intake and exercise).

• Gross boy play… three five-year-old boys on a trampoline….• My three-year-old girl is controlling sleep time (for up to two hours!) How much sleep is necessary

for a child’s health? Are there male/female differences in sleep activity? (8 – 9 hours; yes, some differences, e.g. lack of sleep leads to more migraines in girls, more undermotivation in boys).

• My five-year-old boy (girl) still throws tantrums. Is this okay? What do I do? (Genes control some of this emotion-processing style, and safe tantrums in a private context can be healthy).

• My twelve and thirteen-year-old boys like to listen to loud music while studying and doing homework…is this good or distracting? (Citizen science is required here because some kids do better while listening to music, others do worse).

---Part of this course involves Q & A time together with me via group phone calls and other technologies, including https://www.patreon.com/user?u=7827875.


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Sex and Gender Both Matter!David C. Page, M.D., professor of biology at MIT:

“Our genomes are 99.9% identical from one person to the next as long as the two individuals being compared are two males or two females. But if we compare the two sexes, the genetic differences are 15 times greater than the genetic differences for two males or two females.”

Marianne J. Legato, M.D., in Eve’s Rib: The New Science of Gender-Specific Medicine:.

“Everywhere we look the two sexes are startlingly and unexpectedly different, not only in their internal function but in the ways that they experience illness. To care for them, we must see them as who they are: female and male.”

No longer He “or” She but He AND She.


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Four Aspects of He and She• Anatomical Sex (reproductive organs, genes-X/Y, cells, anatomy/body).• Sex in the Brain (differentiated in utero as male and female on a spectrum of

male/female, including transsexual/transgender brain and bridge brains).

• Sexual Orientation (differentiated in the brain, sexually dimorphic nucleus/anterior hypothalamus, genetics)

• Gender Fluidity (like Androgyny movement), creates healthy social pressure to expand gender spectrum and sex/gender roles.

--Delay and study child to see if child is trans, approx. .3% are.--Beware of gender dysphoria and gender identity disorder.--Beware Systemic Failure (Diversity requires boy/girl, too).


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Three Steps1. Chromosome markers2. In utero development3. Nurture/culture/socialization

*Trans-cultural analysis. No gender stereotypes!

*Brain is pre-set for sex/gender, including gender spectrum.

*AND: we do lifelong refinement of the brain

*Gender has low plasticity, nurture guides brain expression, but format and structure are pre-set.


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Testosterone – architect of the differentiated male--muscle mass, bone density, brain development


Do Different Nurturing Styles Begin Early?

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Citizen Science: Dolls and Trucks Experiment


Please Join UsLet us help you become a Citizen Scientist

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Join, Like, and Follow Us. Free Wednesday Newsletter, www.gurianinstitute.com.

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=7827875. Facebook, Gurian Institute or Michael Gurian; Twitter,

michaelgurian1. Write [email protected] to inquire about how to sign

up for our Monthly Group Meeting. Become a Gurian Trainer and/or Model School.

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=7827875

mailto:[email protected]


During the early years…

Genetics are already set…ponder this all their lives, e.g. DNA tests

One genetic result of thousands: Girls more interested in faces than things… 15


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Evolving Sex Differences in the Brain


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Areas of Sex Difference Throughout the Brain


Transcultural Brain Differences, 2017 Study

Daniel Amen, M.D. 46,000 scan study Side View of the Brain

• “Blood flow results from tens of thousands of study subjects show increased blood flow in women compared to men, highlighted in the red colored areas of the brain: the cingulate gyrus and precuneus. Men in this image have higher blood flow in blue colored areas – the cerebellum.”


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Features of the Female Brain♀ More brain activity (15-30% more glucose metabolism), even in a rest state

♀ More white matter, connecting more dots; better facial cues recognition ♀ More verbal centers in the female brain that cross communicate♀ Greater internal sensory and emotive experience processed♀ More corpus callosum activity, thus more cross talk between hemispheres


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Key Sex Differences…Males Tend Toward:

♂ More reliance on spatial-mechanicals; visual/graphic, for relationships; less verbal.

♂ Greater activity in the cerebellum (a “doing” center)♂ More gray matter activity, less inductive processing (less diverse data

processed--especially if it is sensory or emotive)♂ More motivation/habit (basal ganglia) risk; less cingulate gyrus activity♂ Larger amygdala--right side dominant.

Halpern, D. F., C. P. Benbow, D. C. Geary, R. C. Gur, J. S. Hyde, and M. A. Gernsbacher. “The Science of Sex Differences in Science and Mathematics.” Psychological Science in the Public Interest (August 2007), 8 (1).


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Female Emotional Intelligence, Tends to be more Verbal-Emotive

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In general, the language-related brain activity in girls was on both sides of the brain whereas the activity in boys was only evident on the left side. Reliance on different brain areas for accurate language performance suggests that boys and girls are processing language information differently.

Sources: D. Burman (2009. “Gender Differences in Language Abilities: Evidence from Brain Imaging”; D. Kimura (2000). “Sex and cognition”; P. Howell, S. Davis & R. Williams (2008).

Visual-Graphic, Spatial Mechanical for boys but vulnerability for girls: girls only day in the block corner; do task while talking then while not talking


Not a Stereotype:females and malesprocessemotions differently

The male brain (male emotional intelligence) does not tend to pick complex emotive processing as a dominant strategy.► Delays complex emotional reactions► Favors physical emotion over verbal► Males mask vulnerability► Often, where females want to express, males want to release, feelingsFor males: emotions are often design problems to be solved. Signaling often moves front to back on logic side of the brain.Often, women help children feel better and men try to help children feel stronger.

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Developing Spatial-Kinesthetic Intelligence, Too• Spatial also develops

--Social-Emotional brain--Motivational brain--Impulse control--Self-Regulation--Cognitive functioning--Concentration, focus--STEM, tech, etc.

It can be as good as “use yourwords” but we don’t respect itas much (recess, movement, squeeze balls).

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Boys Hunt Differently than Girls……a father of two daughters, keeping a sense of humor!

Humor is a Crucial Tool with Males.

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(Brain Scans Provided by Daniel Amen, M.D.)

Brain Scans: Brains at Rest

Female Male

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Brains at Rest, IICourtesy of Daniel Amen, M.D. , www.amenclinics.com

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a little humor!

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Female Bridge Male Male

Scans Provided by Daniel Amen, M.D.

www.amenclinics.com

Diversity: The “Bridge Brain”


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Girls have higher levels of oxytocin.

Boys have higher levels of testosterone.

Aggression Nurturance, Empathy Nurturance, Bi-Strategic and Multi-Strategic Approaches, Safe Emotional Container


Female: lower levels of testosterone, higher levels of oxytocin

Male: lower levels of oxytocin, higher levels of testosterone

Generates More

• More Verbal-Emotive Processing• More Relational Imperative•More Direct Empathy• Experiences Self Worth Through:

• More Multi-tasking and Rapport Building•Greater Variety of Interpersonal Goals• Face-to-face Conversations &

Bonding

• More Physical Activity, Territory• Performance Imperative, Risk• More Aggression Nurturance• Experiences Self Worth Through:

• Individual, Independent Performance

• More Interest in Rise in Status• More Shoulder-to-Shoulder Bonding

Generates More

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Strategy: Teach Girls About Emotional Memory, Rumination Loops, Drama

Research: Women tend to use both sides of the brain to respond to emotional experiences; men use only one.

Brain Scans: When viewing emotional images, nine areas light up for women; two areas light up for men.

So, while every human being ruminates, girls and boys tend to have different thresholds.


Strategy:

Aggression vs.

Violence

Support Healthy

Aggression

• Aggression is the human activity of challenging and manipulating others and the environment.

• Aggression is generally within the range of normal human behavior.

• Males tend more toward aggression-nurturance than females.

• Females tend more toward direct empathy nurturance.

• Violence is attempting to kill others or cause severe harm to another person’s body or core-self.

• Violence can be justified in wartime, but it’s still primarily abnormal human behavior.

• Violence causes trauma, aggression often causes resilience.


Questions So Far?1. Are you sensing some new ideas regarding discipline strategies?

2. New ideas regarding academics? Homework?

3. Any insights regarding tones of voice, relationships with your children?4. Environmental changes inside homes? Activity changes needed for boys and girls?

5. Are there first principles that need attention, modifying, might be faulty?

6. Do we misread male signals, e.g. defiance, because they don’t fit our first principles?

7. Insights in female brain that resonate for you?

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A question circling around in my mind

3 important points to remember

Something I learned that squares with my values


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Strategies for Raising Boys and Girls


Young Boys and Girls

Under Construction!


Strategy: Protect Child’s Nature from Neurotoxins Starting Very Young: Environment Harming the Natural Child. Neuro-toxins affect social-emotional development and learning. Testosterone depletion in our males—depression, rage. Sugar/junk food/female obesity and mood. Maladaptive Food Intake affects self esteem. Gene testing for medications/self. Watch for BPA (Bisphenol) in plastics, junk food, estrogen receptors, food allergies.

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Strategy: Decrease Screens, Phones, Beware of Cortical Hypo-frontality

Over-reliance on “Reward Pathway” habits results in atrophy of the prefrontal cortex. Passive brain function of screens can retard pathway development.


Strategy: Target Stress and Techno-Isolation

• “The number of teens who get together with their friends nearly every day dropped by more than 40 percent from 2000 to 2015 the decline has been especially steep recently. It’s not only a matter of fewer kids partying; fewer kids are spending time simply hanging out. That’s something most teens used to do: nerds and jocks, poor kids and rich kids, C students and A students. The roller rink, the basketball court, the town pool, the local necking spot—they’ve all been replaced by virtual spaces accessed through apps and the web.”

• --Atlantic Monthly

The Atlantic Magazine

September 2017

• 12th-graders in 2015 were going out less often than eighth-graders did as recently as 2009

• Today’s teens are also less likely to date

• So what are they doing with all that time? They are on their phone, in their room, alone and often distressed

• Teens’ feelings of loneliness spiked in 2013 and have remained high since

• Four times as many Americans take antidepressants now compared to 1990


Screens, Media, and Brain Development

These are often better for brain development than screen time because they more actively develop neural pathways.

• Chores and hobbies are sensorial/emotional• Physical, sensorial playtime• Walk, observe, report, discuss• Travel, be with friends, read!• Play card and board games• Exercise and athletics and exercise!• Family meals, family time, mentor time

These are ACTIVE brain development; they “sculpt” the brain better than screen time does.

• With Media and Technology-use questions study social-emotional development

• Nurture the Nature, i.e. Nurture the Natural Child.

• To judge how your child is doing in relation to screen/media use, look for any issues in three major markers: cognitive achievement, physical issues, social-emotional.


Media Use and the Brain. Media Can Invade Life and Learning: Good Digital Hygiene vs. Maladaptive Digital Use

• Be Developmental! Alter for age groups because brain development is staged. • No devices at the dinner table at home, or at a restaurant table.• No devices on driving trips under an hour if relating is better.• No devices for at least half of driving trips over an hour. • No devices in bedrooms until child is later adolescent• No devices for any child at 1 hour before bedtime.• Promulgate family digital rules, discuss them, display them, hold to them. • Use devices/technology as leverage for child discipline.• Meta-analyze and thoroughly research all blog opinions for scientific proof.• Emphasize nature, movement, non-technological relationship and activity.• De-emphasize technological relationship and social networking as needed.• Direct device use towards education and passion/interest rather than entertainment-

as-a-right-of-the-child.


• Big question: What role do videogames and electronics play in male social-emotional development?

• They can be linked to mental health issues for boys and girls!

• They can be linked to attention and achievement problems for boys.

• Use them as leverage especially if the boy is having any trouble with physical, cognitive, or social-emotional development.

Screens Also Structure Social Emotional

Development


► Younger Years Strategies

► Bi-Strategic Teaching, Parenting, Mentoring► Healthy Intervention and Non-Intervention► Reassess Assessment/Evaluation of Behavior► Allow Movement During Story Time► Allow Males Longer Transition Time Between Tasks--Use Multi-Sensory Approaches to Communication,

Especially with Boys--Allow Resilience-Building in Girls, without creating danger.--Re-educate parents on healthy resilience/maturation to help

decrease helicopter/worry among parents--Neuro-psych batteries for correct diagnoses

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Healthy Social Emotional Development

Insight and Strategies for Both Boys and Girls as They Grow Into Adolescence


Boys & Girls Learn Differently

Social Emotional Difference: Boys establish pecking orders which are very important to them. Who’s at the top and who’s at the bottom.When they are low in the pecking order, stress hormones go up and learning goes down


For girls, it’s often who’s in and who’s out. This is evolutionary; hurts a lot; creates boundaries/self, too.


What is “Social Emotional”?

• Self-Awareness

• Self-Management

• Social Awareness

• Relationship Skills

• Responsible Decision-Making

• Are there differences in how “social emotional skills” feel to girls and boys, women and men?

• The Insula and Mirror Neurons

Social-Emotional Strategies that Work

• Distinguish whining and core-self distress; distinguish crying-to-process from core-self distress.

• Both Intervention and Non-Intervention on case-by-case basis (intervention for danger and non-intervention for resilience building).

• Use “use your words” to increase self-regulation but, especially with boys, don’t over-use it as it can stop maturation and resilience-building.

• Allow and encourage physical/spatial social-emotional development not just or mainly word-focused SEL.

• Show as much as tell, e.g. “That hurt Joey” and show the mark it made.

• Correct for good character but don’t over-correct when the behavior is normal.

• Create safe emotional container in which the children also raise each other—most social-emotional learning happens among peers not necessarily child-to-adult.

• Japan Preschool Video

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Communication! When parents seem disengaged to kids, kids are more likely to experience mental health issues and social failures.

• Family dinners are crucial, as are “Sabbath” activities together (long bursts of contact).

• But, also, parent/mentor “engagement” often happens in short bursts, too.

• Engagement can equal attachment, even when communication is not perfect; the attachment is more important than a specific point of communication.

• Attachment/Engagement will involve listening, talking, doing things together, problem-solving, being silently present together, enjoying life, grieving together, admiring the child when appropriate.

• Attachment/Engagement also involves Separation; so, it is not about hovering, coddling, etc.

• If a child is involved in a “lying structure” around addiction, engagement/attachment can become skewed. Professional help is crucial.

Communication Strategies and Tips that are especially useful with kids from pre-puberty through adolescence.

• Kids are most likely to open to parents who are either validating or expressed disagreement; least likely when parents try to remain completely neutral.

• Arguments are often normal communication (they show engagement) but “I hate you” ought to be corrected—it is disrespectful, lazy emotion, and sets up potential negative social values.

• Kids are least likely to disclose emotions/experiences when parents are “preoccupied, distrusting, dismissive, or prone to emotional outbursts.”

• Kids are most likely to disclose emotions/experiences when parents are “accessible and calm, give good advice, offer reciprocal disclosures about their own lives.”

• Kids expect parents to be involved in safety, morality, and social rules—kids needs parents to help interpret these and solidify them in promulgated rules, discipline systems, communication.

• “Unconditional love” is crucial and so is “earning respect.” Love: “I understand, I hear you, I love you the way you are and always will.” Respect: I respect you for what you do and who you are and who you are becoming.” This must often be earned or, if a kid falters, earned back.

• (New England Study of Suburban Youth and Arizona State University Ashley Ebbert, Ph.D.)

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Anxiety, Trauma, Depression, ADHD

• 1 in 5 teens experiencing depression/anxiety/mental illness. Around 15% of children have Add/ADHD; 1 in 41 are on the ASD spectrum.

• Incidents of all brain disorders are up and will continue to go up because of environmental neurotoxins, increased stress from trauma, including under-attachment to moms or dads/male mentors, and digital stress on the brain.

• Girls tend more toward overt depression and anxiety disorders, boys more towards covert depression and violence; girls are often undiagnosed for ADD but boys experience more/severe ADD/ADHD (fewer brain fail-safes)

• Trauma-response often needs to happen a priori to learning—the traumatized brain may not be able to fully learn.

• Signs: Withdrawing/disengaging from friends/family; abrupt shift in friendship group; irregular sleep (up all night, sleep during day); too much screen time.

Strategies for Helping a Depressed/Anxious Child

• Help with self-awareness, “I am depressed” or “I have anxiety.” Tell personal story of self or other in family with depression/anxiety.

• Help her/him understand that depression/anxiety is “not your fault.” Explain the chemical imbalance, genetics, trauma-influence on the brain.

• Help guide child/family to depression/anxiety professionals who may well use medication/hormones. “Depression is like a broken leg—treatment is needed.”

• Be a trusted friend and help the child find trusted friends/family/peers: depression and anxiety need human contact; loneliness is dangerous; faith community can also help.

• Help guide child toward exercise/activity and aware from screens/social media—teach the brain-danger of too little exercise and too much screen time.

• Success comes as much from dis-ease as happiness: teach the child to mine the depression/anxiety for character development, heroism, life-purpose.

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The Brain and Trauma

12/17/2018 Daniel Amen, M.D. and www.amenclinics.com 51


A Case Study

12/17/2018 Daniel Amen, M.D. and www.amenclinics.com 52


More Effective Social Emotional Development StrategiesGirls (Note our tendency to treat girls as fragile)• Respond to repetitive signs of anxiety or

depression rather than first sign—crying is okay sometimes, a processing tool

• Allow girls time to express their thoughts and feelings, to tell their story

• Help girls journal, create stories with endings resolving stressful situations, poetry

• Pets, caring for others increases oxytocin• Sports and outdoor groups working toward a

common goal – hiking, planting flowers, games

• Harsh tone from guys can cause stress—beware, guys!

Boys (Note Differences in Sensitive Boys and Other Boys)• Pay attention to boys’ emotional world from his

outbursts of aggression and behavior• Help boys make a plan to achieve success and

develop areas of strength• Encourage role play for empathy building• Go outdoors – sports, hiking, raking leaves• Take things apart and put them back together for

core-self strength• Drawing, doodling, fidgeting, poetry• Caring for Pets

• What works for girls can work for boys, and vice versa


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Saving Our Sons: Protecting The Emotional and

Educational Lives of BoysParenting Boys in a New Millennium


Boys and Men in the News• What causes male violence? • Three causes—neurotoxins/genes, trauma,

under-attachment in three families--and one correlation--masculine social norms/gender stereotypes.

• The male depression spectrum, brain disorders.• Is masculinity the enemy? • Our culture must decide very soon

or we will keep creating systems that fail males.

• Abandonment of male development.

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What is Our Parental Purpose?Males and females truly do emote, think and develop differently, so they need us to interact with them in ways that honor their inherent

design.

Our Goal is maturation (impulse control, frontal/pre-frontal cortex pathway development) as much as emotional expression. Need to balance these (e.g. teach self-regulation of

interruptions).


Boys and girls process emotions differently.

For boys, quite often, emotions need to serve a purpose.

Boys tend to need to expel and express emotions physically more

than girls do.

Big question: What purpose does anger serve?


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Eight Ways Males Process Feelings

1. Action-Release (Experience, Express and Expel emotions)

2. Suppression-Delayed Reaction

3. Displacement-Objectification

4. Physical Expression

5. Into the Cave, Distancing

6. Feeling-Conversation

7. Problem Solving

8. Crying

9. ***No single approach is better, i.e. “Use Your Words” isn’t necessarily superior.

► Males often favors physical emotion over

verbal; Males mask vulnerability, emotions feels like weakness.

► Females may want to express; males may want to release, feelings.

***For males: emotions are often design problems to be solved.


Executive Control (Maturity) Can Be Negated by too much structured activity, Yuko Munakata, University of Colorado

Children who spent more time participating in unstructured activities scored higher on a verbal fluency task (a measure of executive

functioning) than those who spent more time on structured, externally directed activities.Strategy: Free Play


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• Strategy: Don’t Intervene too much

•Warlike and competitive games are OK, as long as boys don’t bully each other.

• Set rules that still allows their ability to play, thus create “safe container.”

• Monitor the situation, but don't intervene unless one boy is dominating othersin a hurtful way.

Japan experiment


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One in five boys would test as sensitive.

Most sensitive boys “always” or “usually” avoid fighting and “do not like watching violence on television or in movies.”Most sensitive boys indicate they “usually” or “always” think there is something wrong with them and feel they don’t fit in with other boys.


Strategies for Motivating Boys

• *Adjust nutrition/diet away from estrogen receptors (beware of low testosterone)

• *Always remember the brain’s reward system; Keep them moving and gaining achievement-oriented dopamine rewards

• *Seek Their Passion, use the arts, performance, sport. • *Find a mentor to motivate, including task-bonding.


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Strategies: Four boy-friendly communication techniques

• Focus on three motivation assessmentthemes--manhood, respect, character—in

conversation.• Increase use of tactical confrontation.• Use active, not passive, dialogue, including

“filling in the blanks” re feelings/emotions.• Interrupt as necessary—shows authority,

decreases repetition loops, keeps topic-focus, reduces boredom.


Strategy: Build a

Hero. Without heroes, we're all plain people and don't know how far we can go.

--Bernard Malamud

• Character, Purpose, and Self-Discipline• Integrate video games into heroism

• Rites of Passage experiences• www.timwrightministries.org


Character is gained experience by experience, decision by decision, lesson by lesson on the anvil of life. Character isn’t necessarily something that can only be talked out, memorized, and recited. Character has to be lived out courageously, thus experientially. Strategy: Don’t overreact; Use three times rule; discuss and provide a few concrete ways to teach impulse-control, e.g. “Pick up your own spoon.”

Strategy: Building character & self-discipline


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Strategy: Peripatetic Growth and Learning: How does movement help character development?

• Increases oxygen to brain (water helps, too)• Increases glucose utilization, cognition• Increases “feel good” neurotransmitters• Adrenaline increases, cortisol decreases• Attention and motivation increase• Neural system functions more efficiently• Promotes readiness for word use, focus• Improves behavior, helps organize brain functions• Keeps boredom and rest states at bay• Develops a bond of trust through sense of “fun”


Both boys and girls can have issues in school, but boys tend to predominate:

*Worse grades, test scores, and literacy

*Don’t hand in homework

*More easily distracted

*Less likely to see value in school work and homework

*More likely to fall behind in systems that have not accommodated their brains

*Parent-led teams can change systems!

School-Helpful Strategies

The Minds of Boys and Girls® Boys and Girls Learn Differently®Helping Boys Thrive®CURRENT TRENDS


Male vulnerability: Boys get bored (enter rest state) more easily than girls; this often requires more/varying

stimulation to keep them attentive. (Average Attention Span When Sitting = 5 - 10 minutes)

Girls are better at self-managing boredom and less likely to “give up” on the educational process or act out.

(Average Attention Span When Sitting = 15 – 20 minutes)

Strategy: Anti-Boredom!


Strategy: Graphic Organizers


Strategy: Wired to Move• Encourage boys (and

girls) to move• Schedule movement• Hand fidgets• Brain breaks• Get outside• Unstructured play• Discipline with

movement• Martial arts

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Strategy: Competitive Learning. It is a Form of Cooperative Learning• Competition motivates boys and under-

motivation is growing problem among boys.• Competition is a crucial way of preparing

females for workplace.• Competition unites with Purpose and

Relevance (it builds frontal lobe pathways)


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Strategies: Education Must Have Risk and Relevance.Boys: Dopamine helps set upper brain pathways

Girls: This is who you will compete with later in spatial professions.

**Beware of Too Much Homework!***Riding a bike often builds more frontal lobe pathways

than sitting still.


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*Train all faculty on how the male brain learns.*Squeeze balls, hands-on learning; teacher moves around, boys move around.*Mentoring of younger/older boys in classrooms.*Read/write what is relevant to a boy—gory!*Use more graphics, in teaching and in assignments.*Teach more through service work, nature learning.*Use more long-term project-driven learning.*Use more vocational ed.; use work as education.

Crucial: Male motivation develops in large partthrough mentors, teams, and competitive, relevant

projects.

Learning Strategies for Boys


Protecting the Emotional Lives of Girls, Girls and Their Relationships, Girls and Leadership

Raising Girls to Succeed in School, Work, and Life

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The “Uncomfortable” ChallengeTwo young women, me, and Davita

Question of adolescent girls’ clothing“We don’t argue, we discuss.”

“You make me uncomfortable.”The value of discomfort, wrong standard

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When we try to protect self-esteem above character building, self-discipline development, and developmental science, we end up robbing girls of the chance to make and learn from the kinds of mistakes and struggles that

ensure high self-esteem in the long run. AND: how does technology fit in?CASE STUDY: 11-year-old girl online pretending to be 18 with 15-year-old

boy. Parent: ““How could she do this? We raised her to be moral!”In this case, too little developmental protection: Issue is developmental not

moral. Should she have had a cell phone and/or online access at 11?


Honest Dialogue• Trudy’s story, Depression• Endocrinology, endocrine system

assessment• Begin with Pediatrician but move

toward specialist as needed.• Educate girl and family on effects

of brain biology on mood and behavior.

• Girls tend toward body and bonding disorders.

• Integrate bio-therapy into talk therapy

Progressive Biochemical Therapy

Beginning at eight or nine, look at biology clearly

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Girls Need Both Maternal and Paternal Nurturance: Aggression and Empathy Nurturance: Both are Vital

• Men: “Dude, you’re getting fat. Come play basketball.” – Systems orientation, including use of

aggression/status system. – Individual crisis is generally required to elicit direct

empathy.– Helps with emotion regulation and helps girls prepare

for marriage and workplace

• Women: “How’s your new diet going? How can I help?”– Direct empathy, individualized; system comes second.– Crisis not required to elicit empathy; oxytocin

stimulated– Helps with all future life as well as emotion regulation

now. DEEPEN DIALOGUE ON TWO KINDS OF NURTURE!


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Tips for (men) working with girls and women►Verbally appreciate & value her►Listen to her, paraphrase (make

sure you’ve understood her); interrupt less

►Avoid control; express protectiveness (e.g. in mentoring)

►Be aware of & nurture her gifts; do not see her fears/tears as weakness

►Realize the effects of your anger, even “intensity”


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Rites of Passage: The Wisdom Journey

►Many rites throughout life► The Wisdom Journey► Biology and spirituality together► Love, Challenge, Leadership

www.timwrightministries.org


More Strategies for Girls and Women• Listen for “gem,” “kernel,” in long speech, paraphrase it back.• Ask introverted girl to discuss and demonstrate specialized knowledge.• Ask her to discuss facial cues she picked up, and reality check those with her.• Set goals and objectives, be directive

when needed.• Reassure her that she is not alone.• Equal parts praise and critique.• Tell your own story as she struggles

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Creating space…

What Strategic Difference Do You See?


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Math/Science (STEM) Strategies for Girls

Five Main Areas of Focus:• Use spatial activities frequently!• Build on girls’ writing skills to

enhance math & science performance.

• Challenge girls with mental-math activities.

• Use literature to unlock math.• Utilize mentors/role models.


Give girls a spatial assignment, but without written instructions. Encourage them to use

reasoning/problem-solving skills to produce a product.

Encourage both verbal and silent spatial work.

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“From an early age, girls are often so concerned with ‘doing it right’ in math that they can’t think. They are so afraid of making a mistake and not following the rules that they can’t take that last leap – the ‘imagining.’”

~ Katrina Ferreyra

“Being Right”

“Being confused about a new concept (in math and other subjects) is part of the natural human learning process. In other words, you’re supposed to be confused when you’re first learning something – and you’re supposed to have questions. So when your teacher asks, ‘Any questions?’ don’t be shy. Be bold!”

~ Danica McKellar, Math Doesn’t Suck


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Relational Violence: Dangerous and Requires Immediate Adult Attention

• Bullying is destructive aggression, i.e. violence. It is typically repeated, targeting weakness or type. It requires intervention.

• Protect girls from social media access if needed. Every device is adult’s device.

• Tell your own painful stories of bullying, if you have them. Experiences speak louder than words.

• Fight it in parent/school/child teams. Isolation may turn to suicide.

• Contextualize this violence as a character issue if your girl is the perpetrator.

• Use bullying for maturation/resilience as soon as possible after victimization is understood.

!


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Relational Aggression: Often and Generally Normal, Though Painful

• Help girls learn from healthy failures so they don’t fear failure.

• Help girls enjoy imperfection. Critique them when necessary to fix things.

• Reality check with her (even regarding obesity, painful areas, i.e. targets of bullies)

• Contextualize “dark side of oxytocin.”

!


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Relational Aggression: Often and Generally Normal, Though Painful

• Help her tell you what’s bothering her with I language. Challenge her (even interrupt) when she’s tangential.

• Help her do a life-review and see how normal and useful a conflict might be in building a strong self.

• Stop her from blaming when she is to blame.

• Rilke: Jacob wrestling with angel: “This is how we learn, by being defeated, decisively, by constantly greater beings.”

!


Bullying and Violence: A Nature-Based Approach

• Bullying is wrong and won’t be countenanced. Bullying is violence, not aggression nurturance.• Fighting is normal, though, e.g. sibling rivalry. It is an aggression nurturance technique needed in socialization to mature others

and self. Moderate fighting is not dangerous nor does it lead to a violent society. This is also common sense (we all fought as kids and we are not violent adults).

• But: we confuse aggression and violence in our society; thus, we over-react to normal behavior, including fighting. We also have an unnatural over-reliance on “use your words” and verbal social-emotive development approaches, and condemn or neglect kinesthetic-emotional development.

• Specifically, we tell kids not to fight when we should tell them not to pick on someone. In fact, fighting back is often a more mature and helpful response than not fighting back. To mature both the perpetrator and victim, a fight may be needed.

• For the victim, if kids do not stand up for themselves, sometimes physically, they are more likely to be bullied now and in the future. For the bully, fighting back against him will often help him mature out of the bullying behavior.

• I am not condoning bullying at all nor do I train any child to go out and pick a fight. We can still hold good boundaries on fighting but I believe parents, educators,and mental health professionals must create a new community conversation about how we will fix our broken approach to the full maturation of kids.


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Burning Questions?

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