SUDHAMURTY

THREETHOUSANDSTITCHES

OrdinaryPeople,ExtraordinaryLives

PENGUINBOOKS

Contents

Preface

1.ThreeThousandStitches2.HowtoBeattheBoys3.FoodforThought4.ThreeHandfulsofWater5.CattleClass6.ALifeUnwritten7.NoPlaceLikeHome8.APowerfulAmbassador9.RasleelaandtheSwimmingPool10.ADayinInfosysFoundation11.ICan’t,WeCan

FollowPenguinCopyright

PENGUINBOOKSTHREETHOUSANDSTITCHES

SudhaMurtywasbornin1950inShiggaon,northKarnataka.ShedidherMTechincomputerscience,andisnowthechairpersonoftheInfosysFoundation.AprolificwriterinEnglishandKannada,shehaswrittennovels,technicalbooks,travelogues,collectionsofshortstoriesandnon-fictionalpieces,andfourbooksforchildren.HerbookshavebeentranslatedintoallthemajorIndianlanguages.SudhaMurtywastherecipientoftheR.K.NarayanAwardforLiteratureandthePadmaShriin2006,andtheAttimabbeAwardfromthegovernmentofKarnatakaforexcellenceinKannadaliterature,in2011.

BytheSameAuthor

FICTIONDollarBahuMahashweta

GentlyFallstheBakulaHouseofCards

TheMotherINeverKnew

NON-FICTIONWiseandOtherwise

TheOldManandHisGodTheDayIStoppedDrinkingMilk

SomethingHappenedontheWaytoHeaven:TwentyInspiringReal-LifeStories(Ed.)CHILDREN’SFICTION

HowITaughtMyGrandmothertoReadandOtherStoriesTheMagicDrumandOtherFavouriteStories

TheBirdwithGoldenWings:StoriesofWitandMagicGrandma’sBagofStories

TheSerpent’sRevenge:UnusualTalesfromtheMahabharataTheMagicoftheLostTemple

ToT.J.S.George,whogavememyfirstbreaktowriteinEnglish

Preface

Ioftengetlettersfromstudentsandparentstellingmehowbeneficialmybookshavebeenforthemandtheirchildren.Iwanttothankthemandallthosewhohaveexposedmetodifferentfacetsoflife,fillingmypotoflearningwithknowledgeandexperience.Thisincludestheyoungmenandwomenwhohaveshownmehowtheyputasidetheirbitterexperiencestomoveforwardinlifewithjoyandhope.Therearesomewhofeelthatmostofmywritingisfiction,butmylifehas

unmistakablyproventobestrangerthanthat.Fifteenyearsago,renownedjournalistT.J.S.Georgeaskedmetowritea

weeklycolumnfortheNewIndianExpress.Iwashesitantatfirst—allbecauseIwaseducatedinaKannada-mediumschooltillthetenthgrade.ItwasonlynaturalthenthatIwasmorecomfortablewithKannadathanEnglish.Georgesaidtome,‘Alanguageisbutavehicle.It’sthepersoninsidewho’sweavingthestorythat’smoreimportant.Youareastoryteller.Sojustgetonwithyourstoryandthelanguagewillfallintoplace.’AndsobeganmyjourneyinEnglish.IamwhatIamtodayasanEnglish

authorbecauseofGeorge.Hegavemethetitleofmyfirstbook,WiseandOtherwise,andwrotetheforewordtoo.Hisforesightandencouragementcatapultedmefromahesitantwritertoawidelyreadauthor.IoftendreamabouttheworldbeingfilledwithmanyGeorgeswhowillcome

forwardtosupportsuchwritersandencouragethemtoexperimentandexploretheirpotential.Iwanttothankmyyoungandbrighteditor,ShrutkeertiKhurana,andalso

UdayanMitraandMeruGokhaleforbringingoutthisbook.

1ThreeThousandStitches

WesetuptheInfosysFoundationin1996.Unfortunately,Iknewpreciouslittleofhowthingsworkedinanon-profitorganization.Iknewmoreaboutsoftware,management,programmingandtacklingsoftwarebugs.Examinations,marksheetsanddeadlinesoccupiedmostofmydays.Theconceptbehindthefoundationwasthatitmustmakeadifferencetothecommonman—bahujanhitaya,bahujansukhaya—itmustprovidecompassionateaidregardlessofcaste,creed,languageorreligion.Asweponderedovertheissuesbeforeus—malnutrition,education,rural

development,self-sufficiency,accesstomedicine,culturalactivitiesandtherevivalofthearts,amongothers—therewasoneissuethatoccupiedmyuppermostthoughts—thedevadasitraditionthatwaspervasivethroughoutIndia.Theworddevadasimeans‘servantoftheLord’.Traditionally,devadasiswere

musiciansanddancerswhopractisedtheircraftintemplestopleasethegods.Theyhadahighstatusinsociety.WecanseetheevidenceofitinthecavesofBadami,aswellasinstorieslikethatofthedevadasiVinapodi,whowasverydeartotherulingkingoftheChalukyadynastybetweenthesixthandseventhcenturyinnorthernKarnataka.Thekingdonatedenormoussumsofmoneytotemples.However,astimewentby,thetemplesweredestroyedandthetraditionofthedevadasisfellintothewronghands.Younggirlswereinitiallydedicatedtotheworshipandserviceofadeityoratempleingoodfaith,buteventually,theworddevadasibecamesynonymouswithsexworker.Somewerebornintothelife,whileotherswere‘sacrificed’tothetemplesbytheirparentsduetovariousreasons,orsimplybecausetheycaughtahairinfectionlikethe

ringwormofthescalp,assumedtobeindicativethatthegirlwasdestinedtobeadevadasi.AsIthoughtabouttheirplight,IrecalledmyvisittotheYellammaGudda(or

Renukatemple)intheBelgaumdistrictofKarnatakayearsago.Irememberedtheirgreensarisandbangles,thesmearsofyellowbhandara(acoarseturmericpowder)andtheirthick,longhairastheyenteredthetemplewithgoddessmasks,coconuts,neemleavesandakalash(ametalpot).‘Whycan’tItacklethisproblem?’Iwondered.Ididn’trealizethenthatIwaschoosingoneofthemostdifficulttasksforourveryfirstproject.Withinnocenceandbubblingenthusiasm,Ichoseaplaceinnorthern

Karnatakawherethepracticewasrampantandprostitutionwascarriedoninthenameofreligion.Myplanwastotalktothedevadasisandwritedowntheirconcernstohelpmeunderstandtheirpredicament,followedbyorganizingafewdiscussionstargetedtowardssolvingtheirproblemswithinafewmonths.Onmyfirstdayinthedistrict,Iarmedmyselfwithanotebookandpenand

setout.Idressedsimply,withnojewelleryorbindi.Iworeapairofjeans,T-shirtandacap.Aftersometime,Ifoundagroupofdevadasissittingbelowatreenearatemple.Theywerechattingandremovinglicefromeachother’shair.Withoutthinking,Iwentuptothem,interruptingtheirconversation.

‘Namaskaram,Amma.I’vecomeheretohelpyou.TellmeyourproblemsandI’llwritethemdown.’Theymusthavebeendiscussingsomethingimportantbecausethewomen

gavemeadirtylook.Theylobbedquestionsatmewithincreasingferocity.‘Whoareyou?Didweinviteyouhere?’‘Haveyoucometowriteaboutus?Inthatcase,wedon’twanttotalktoyou.’‘Areyouanofficer?Oraminister?Ifwetellyouourproblems,howwillyou

solvethem?’‘Goaway.Gobacktowhereyoucamefrom.’Ididnotmove.Infact,Ipersisted.‘Iwanttohelpyou.Pleaselistentome.

AreyouawarethatthereisadangerousillnesscalledAIDSthatyoucouldbeexposedto?Thereisnocurefor...’‘Justgo,’oneofthemsnapped.Iglancedattheirfaces.Theywerefurious.ButIdidnotleave.‘Maybetheyneedalittleconvincing,’Ithought.Withoutwarning,oneofthemstoodup,tookoffherchappalandthrewitat

me.‘Can’tyouunderstandsimpleKannada?Justgetlost.’

me.‘Can’tyouunderstandsimpleKannada?Justgetlost.’Insultedandhumiliated,Ifeltmytearsthreateningtospillover.Iturnedback

andfled.Uponreturninghome,withtheinsultfreshonmymind,Itoldmyself,‘I

won’tgothereagain.’However,afewdayslater,itoccurredtomethatthewomenwereprobably

upsetaboutsomethingelseandthatmaybeIhadsimplychosenthewrongtimeanddatetovisitthem.Soafteranotherweek,Iwentthereagain.Thisvisittookplaceduringthe

tomatoharvest.Thedevadasiwomenwerehappilydistributingsmall,oval-shapedbrightredtomatoestoeachotherfromthebasketskeptnearthem.Iapproachedthemandsmiledpleasantly.‘Hello,I’vecometomeetyouagain!Pleasehearmeout.Ireally,reallywanttohelpyou.’Theylaughedatme.‘Wedon’tneedyourhelp.Butwouldyouliketobuy

sometomatoes?’‘No,Iamnotveryfondoftomatoes.’‘Whatkindofawomanareyou?Whodoesn’tliketomatoes?’Iattemptedtoengagethemoncemore,‘HaveyouheardofAIDS?Youmust

knowthatthegovernmentisspendingalotofmoneyonincreasingawarenessaboutit.’‘Areyouagovernmentagent?Ormaybeyoubelongtoapoliticalparty.How

muchcommissionareyougettingtodothis?Comeon,tellus!Wedon’tevenhaveaproperhospitalinthisareaandhereyouare,tryingtoeducateusaboutascarydisease.Wedon’tneedyourhelp.Ourgoddesswillhelpusindifficulttimes.’Istooddumbfounded,strugglingtofindwords.Oneofthewomensaiddecisively,‘Thisladymustbeajournalist.That’swhy

shehasapenandpaper.She’llwriteaboutusandmakemoneybyexploitingus.’Uponhearingthis,theothersstartedthrowingtomatoesatme.Thistime,myemotionsoverpoweredmeandIstartedtocry.Sobbing,Ifled

fromthereonceagain.Iwasindespair.‘WhyshouldIworkonthisproject?Whydotheykeep

insultingme?Whereelsedothebeneficiarieshumiliatethepersonworkingfortheirwell-being?Iamnotagoodfitforthisfield.Yes,Ishouldresignandgobacktomyacademiccareer.Thefoundationcanchooseadifferenttrustee.’WhenIreachedhome,Isatdowntocomposearesignationletter.

WhenIreachedhome,Isatdowntocomposearesignationletter.Myfathercamedownthestairsandseeingmebusywithmyheadbentclose

tothepaper,heasked,‘Whatareyouwritingsofrantically?’Inarratedtheentireepisodetohim.Tomyamazement,ratherthansympathizingwithme,myfatherchuckledand

said,‘Ididn’tknowthatyouweresoimpractical.’Istaredathiminanger.Hetookanicecreamfromthefridgeandforcedmetositdownandeatit.

‘It’llcoolyourhead,’hesaidandsmiled.Afterafewminutes,hesaid,‘Pleaseremember.Prostitutionhasexistedinsocietysinceancienttimesandhasbecomeanintegralpartoflife.Itisoneoftherootproblemsofallcivilizations.Manykingsandsaintshavetriedtoeliminateitbutnolaworpunishmenthasbeensuccessfulinbringingitdowntozero.Notonenationintheworldisfreeofthis.Thenhowcanyouchangetheentiresystembyyourself?You’rejustanordinarywoman!Whatyoushoulddoisreduceyourexpectationsandloweryourgoal.Forinstance,trytohelptendevadasisleavetheirprofession.Rehabilitatethemandshowthemwhatitmeanstoleadanormallife.Thiswillguaranteethattheirchildrenwillnotfollowintheirfootsteps.Makethatyouraim,andthedayyouaccomplishit,IwillfeelveryproudknowingthatIgavebirthtoadaughterwhohelpedtenhelplesswomenmakethemostdifficulttransitionfrombeingsexworkerstoindependentwomen.’‘Buttheythrewchappalsandtomatoesatme,Kaka,’Iwhinedpetulantly.I

alwayscalledmyfather‘Kaka’.‘Actually,yougotapromotiontoday—fromchappalstotomatoes.Ifyou

pursuethisandgothereathirdtime,maybeyou’llgetsomethingevenbetter!’Hisjokebroughtareluctantsmiletomyface.‘Theywon’teventalktome.ThenhowcanIworkforthem?’‘Lookatyourself,’myfathersaid,draggingmeinfrontofthenearestmirror.

‘YouarecasuallydressedinaT-shirt,apairofjeansandacap.Thismaybeyourstyle,butthecommonmanandaruralIndianwomanlikethedevadasiwillneverconnectoridentifywithyou.Ifyouwearasari,amangalsutra,putonabindiandtieyourhair,I’msurethattheywillreceiveyoumuchbetterthanbefore.I’llalsocomewithyou.Anoldmanlikemewillbeofgreathelptoyouinsuchanadventure.’Iprotested,‘Idon’twanttoaltermyappearancefortheirsake.Idon’tbelieve

Iprotested,‘Idon’twanttoaltermyappearancefortheirsake.Idon’tbelieveinsuchsuperficialchanges.’‘Well,ifyouwanttochangethem,thenyouhavetochangeyourselffirst.

Changeyourattitude.Ofcourse,it’syourdecisionintheend.’Heleftmeinfrontofthemirrorandwalkedaway.Myparentshadneverthrusttheirchoicesorbeliefsonmeoranyofmy

siblings,whetheritwasabouteducation,professionormarriage.Theyalwaysgavetheiradviceandhelpedusifwewanted,butImadeallthechoices.Forafewdays,Iwasconfused.Ithoughtabouttheskillsneededforsocial

work.TherewasnoglamourormoneyinthisprofessionandIcouldnotbehavelikeanexecutiveinacorporatehouse.Irequiredlanguageskills,ofwhichEnglishmaynotbeneededatall!Ishouldbeabletositdownonthefloorandeatthelocalfood,nomatterwhereItravelledforwork.Ihadtolistenpatiently,andmostofall,IshouldlovetheworkIdid.Whatwouldgivemehighersatisfaction—keepingmyexternalappearancethewayitwasortheworkthatIwoulddo?Aftersomeintrospection,Idecidedtochangemyappearanceandconcentrate

completelyonthework.Beforemynextvisit,Ipulledmyhairback,tieditandadorneditwith

flowers.Iworeatwo-hundred-rupeesari,abigbindi,amangalsutraandglassbangles.Itransformedmyselfintothe‘bharatiyanari’,thestereotypicaltraditionalIndianwoman,andtookmyfatheralongwithmetomeetthedevadasis.Thistime,whenwewentthere,uponseeingmyagedfather,theysaid,

‘Namaste.’Myfatherintroducedme.‘Thisismydaughterandsheisateacher.Shehas

comehereonaholiday.Itoldherhowdifficultyourlivesare.Yourchildrenarethereasonforyourexistenceandyouwanttoeducatethemirrespectiveofwhathappenstoyourhealth,amIright?’Theyrepliedinunison,‘Yes,sir!’‘Sincemydaughterisateacher,shecanguideyouwithyourchildren’s

educationandhelpthemfindbetterjobs.She’llgiveyouinformationaboutsomescholarshipswhichyoumaynotbeawareofandhelpyourkidswithitsothatyourfinancialburdenmaybereduced.Isthatokaywithyou?Ifnot,it’sallright.She’llgotosomeothervillageandtrytohelpthepeoplethere.Please

don’tfeelpressured.Thinkaboutitandgetbacktous.We’llbebackintenminutes.’Graspingmyhandtightly,hepulledmeashortdistanceaway.‘Whydidyousayallthat?’Iasked.‘Youshouldhavefirsttoldthemabout

thingslikethedangersofAIDS.’‘Don’tbefoolish.Wewilltellthemaboutitsomeothertime.Ifyoustartwith

somethingnegative,thennobodywilllikeit.Thefirstintroductionshouldalwaysbepositiveandbringrealhopetothebeneficiary.AndjustlikeI’vepromisedthem,youmusthelptheirchildrengetscholarshipsfirst.WorkonAIDSlater.’‘AndwhydidyoutellthemI’mateacher,Kaka?’Idemanded.‘Youcould

havesaidIwasasocialworker.’Myfatherofferedacalmrebuttal.‘Theyconsiderteachingtobeoneofthe

mostrespectablejobsandyouareaprofessor,aren’tyou?’Inoddedreluctantly,stillunsureofhisstrategy.Whenwewentback,thewomenwerereadytolisten.Theycalledmeakkaor

‘eldersister’inKannada.SoIstartedworkingwiththemtohelptheirchildrensecurethepromised

scholarships.Someofthesechildrenevenstartedgoingtocollegewithinayear.OnlyafterthishappeneddidIbringupthesubjectofAIDS,andthistime,theyheardmeout.Monthswentby.Ittookmealmostthreeyearstoestablisharelationshipwiththem.Iwastheirdarlingakkaandeventually,theytrustedmeenoughtosharetheirheart-touchingstoriesandthetrialstheyhadendured.Innocentgirlshadbeensoldintothetradebytheirhusbands,brothers,fathers,

boyfriends,unclesorotherrelatives.Someenteredthesextradeontheirownhopingtoearnsomemoneyfortheirfamiliesandhelpfuturegenerationsescapepoverty.Stillotherswereluredintoitwiththepromiseofarealjob,onlytofindthemselvestrickedtoworkassexworkers.Hearingtheirstories,thereweremomentswhenIcouldn’thidemytears,yettheyweretheoneswhoheldmyhandandconsoledme!Eachstorywasdifferentbuttheendwasthesame—theyallsufferedatthehandsofasocietythatexploitedthemandfilledthemwithguiltandshameasafinalinsult.Irealizedthatsimplydonatingmoneywouldnotbolstertheirconfidenceor

buildtheirself-esteem.ThebestsolutionIcouldthinkofwastounitethem

towardsacommongoalbyhelpingthembuildtheirownorganization.ThestategovernmentofKarnatakahadmanygoodpoliciesthatencouragedhousing,marriageschemesandscholarships,butifwestartedanassociationoraunionexclusivelyforthedevadasis,theycouldaddresseachother’sproblems.Intime,theywouldbecomeboldandindependent,learningtoorganizethemselvesintheprocess.Thus,anorganizationforthedevadasiswasformed.IbelievethatGodcannot

bepresenteverywhereatonceand,inreturn,hesendspeopletodohiswork.AbhayKumar,akind-heartedandidealisticyoungmanfromDelhi,joinedusunexpectedly.HewantedtoworkwithmeandsoIdecidedtogivehimthetoughestjobinordertotesthispassionforsocialwork.ItoldAbhay,‘Ifyouworkwiththedevadasisforeightmonthsandsurvive,I’llthinkaboutabsorbingyouintotheprojectfull-time.’Aspromised,hedidnotshowupforeightmonths,andthenoneday,he

confidentlystrolledintomyoffice,alittlethinner,butgrinningfromeartoear.Isaid,‘Abhay,nowyouknowhowhardsocialworkis.Ittakesextreme

commitmentandpersistencetokeepgoing.YoucangobacktoDelhiwiththesatisfactionofhavingmadeadifferencetosomanylives.YouareagoodhumanbeingandI’msurethatthislittleexperiencewillstaywithyouandhelpyoulater.’HesmiledandrepliedinimpeccableKannada,‘WhosaidthatIwantedtogo

backtoDelhi?I’vedecidedtostayinKarnatakaandcompletethisproject.’‘Abhay,thisisseriouswork.Youareyoungandthat’sagreatdisadvantagein

thislineofworkand...’Myvoicefadedaway.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetosay!‘Don’tworryaboutthat,ma’am!YougavemethebestjobIcouldpossibly

have.Ithoughtthatyoumightgivemeadeskjob.Ineverimaginedthatyou’dgivemefieldwork,thattoo,theprivilegeofworkingwiththedevadasis.Thispastyearhasmademerealizetheiragonyandunbearablehardships.Knowingthat,howcanIeverworkanywhereapartfromhere?’Iwasastonishedatsuchsincerityandcompassioninonesoyoung.Ioffered

himastipendtohelpwithhisexpensesbuthestoppedmewithashowofhishand,‘Idon’tneedthatmuch.Ialreadyhaveascooterandafewsetsofclothes.Ijustneedtwomealsaday,aroofovermyheadandalittlemoneyforpetrol.That’sit.’IgazedathimfondlyandknewthatIwasseeingamanwhohadfoundhis

IgazedathimfondlyandknewthatIwasseeingamanwhohadfoundhispurposeinlife.Hebidgoodbyeandleftmyofficewithdeterminedstrides.Obviously,Abhaybecametheprojectlead,andIsupportedhim

wholeheartedly,takingcaretoconversewithhimregularlyabouttheproject’sprogress.Oneday,Imetwiththedevadasisandinquiredaboutthewelfareoftheir

children.‘Ourgreatestdifficultyissupportingourchildren’seducation,’theysaid.

‘Mostofthetime,wecan’taffordtheirschoolfeesandthenwehavetogobacktowhatweknowtogetquickmoney.’‘Wewilltakecareofallyourchildren’seducationalexpensesirrespectiveof

whichclasstheyarein.Butthatmeansthatyoumustnotcontinuebeingadevadasi,nomatterwhat,’Irepliedfirmly.Thewomenagreedwithouthesitation.TheyhadcometotrustAbhayandme

andknewthatwewouldkeepourword.Hundredsofchildrenwereenrolledintheproject—somewentontodo

professionalcourseswhileotherswentontocompletetheirprimary,middleorhighschoolclasses.WeheldcampsonAIDSawarenessandpreventionandsponsoredstreetartandplaystoeducatethewomenandchildrenonvariousmedicalissues—includingthesimplefactthatinfectedhairisnotanindicationthatonemustbecomeadevadasi.Rather,itisasimplecurablediseasethatcausesthehairtosticktogetherandbecomemattedovertime.Thewomengotthemselvestreatedandsomeofthemevenhadtheirheadsshaved.Eventually,wewereabletogetthemloansbybecomingtheirguarantors.

Often,thewomenwouldtellme,‘Akka,pleasehelpusgetaloan.Ifwecan’trepayit,thenitisasgoodascheatingyouandyouknowthatwe’llneverdothat.’BythistimeIknewinmyheartthatarichmanmightcheatmebutourdevadasisneverwould.TheyhadgreatfaithinmeandIinthem.Ontheotherhand,lifebecamemoredangerousforAbhayandme.We

receiveddeaththreatsfrompimps,localgoonsandothersthroughphonecalls,lettersandmessages.IwasscaredmoreforAbhaythanmyself.ThoughIaskedforpoliceprotection,Abhayflatlyrefusedandsaid,‘Ourdevadasiswillprotectme.Don’tworryaboutme.’Afewweekslater,somepimpsthrewacidonthreedevadasiswhohadleft

theirprofessionforgood.Butweallstillrefusedtogiveup.Theplasticsurgery

thevictimsunderwenthelpedtobringbacktheirconfidence.Theywouldnotbeintimidated.Ourstrengthcamefromthesewomenwhowerecollectivelytryingtoleavethishatedprofession.Thoughthegovernmentsupplementedtheirincome,manyalsostartedrearinggoats,cowsandbuffaloes.Overtime,weestablishedsmallschoolsthatofferednightclasseswhichthe

devadasiscouldattend.Itwasanuphillbattlethattookyearsofeffortfromeverybodyinvolved.Aftertwelveyears,someofthewomenmetmetodiscussaparticularissue.‘Akka,wewanttostartabank,butweareafraidtodoitonourown.’‘Whatdoyouthinkhappensinabank?’Iasked.‘Well,youneedalotofmoneytostartabankorevenhaveanaccount.You

mustwearexpensiveclothes.We’veseenthatbankersusuallywearsuitsandtiesandsitinair-conditionedoffices,butwedon’thavemoneyforsuchthings,Akka.’Aftertheybroughtthisproblemtoourattention,AbhayandIsatdownwith

thewomenandexplainedthebasicsofbankingtothem.Afewprofessionalswereconsulted,andundertheirguidance,theystartedabankoftheirown,withtheexceptionofafewlegalandadministrativeservicesthatweprovided.However,weinsistedthatthebankemployeesandshareholdersshouldberestrictedonlytothedevadasicommunity.Sofinally,thewomenwereabletosavemoneythroughfixeddepositsandobtainlow-interestloans.Allprofitshadtobesharedwiththebankmembers.Eventually,thebankgrewandthewomenthemselvesbecameitsdirectorsandtookoveritsrunning.Lessthanthreeyearslater,thebankhadRs80lakhindepositsandprovided

employmenttoformerdevadasis,butitsmostimportantachievementwasthatalmost3000womenwereoutofthedevadasisystem.Ontheirthirdanniversary,Ireceivedaletterfromthebank.

Weareveryhappytosharethatthreeyearshavepassedsincethebankwasstarted.Now,thebankisofsoundfinancialhealthandnoneofuspractiseormakeanymoneythroughthedevadasitradition.Wehaveeachpaidahundredrupeesandhavethreelakhssavedforabigcelebration.Wehaverentedoutahallandarrangedlunchforeveryone.Pleasecomeandjoinusforourbigday.Akka,youareverydeartousandwewantyoutobeourchiefguestfortheoccasion.Youhavetravelledhundredsoftimesatyourowncostandspentendlessmoneyforoursakeeventhoughwearestrangers.Thistime,wewanttobookaround-tripair-conditionedVolvobusticket,agoodhotelandanall-expenses-paidtripforyou.Ourmoneyhasbeenearnedlegally,ethicallyandmorally.Wearesurethatyouwon’trefuseourhumbleandearnestrequest.

Tearswelledupinmyeyes.Seventeenyearsago,chappalsweremyreward,butnow,theywantedtopayformytraveltothebestoftheirability.Iknewhowmuchthecomfortofanair-conditionedVolvobusandahotelmeanttothem.Idecidedtoattendthefunctionatmyexpense.Onthedayofthefunction,Ifoundthattherewerenopoliticiansorgarlands

orlongspeechesaswastypical.Itwasasimpleevent.Atfirst,somewomensangasongofagonywrittenbythedevadasis.Thenanothergroupcameanddescribedtheirexperiencesontheirjourneytoindependence.Theirchildren,manyofwhomhadbecomedoctors,nurses,lawyers,clerks,governmentemployees,teachers,railwayemployeesandbankofficers,cameandthankedtheirmothersandtheorganizationforsupportingtheireducation.Andthenitwasmyturntospeak.Istoodthere,andmywordssuddenlyfailedme.Mymindwentblank,and

then,distantly,Irememberedmyfather’swords:‘IwillfeelveryproudknowingthatIgavebirthtoadaughterwhohelpedtenhelplesswomenmakethemostdifficulttransitionfrombeingsexworkerstoindependentwomen.’Iamusuallyaspontaneousspeakerbutonthatday,Iwastoochokedwith

emotion.Ididn’tknowwheretobegin.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,IfeltthatthedayImeetGod,Iwillbeabletostandupstraightandsayconfidently,‘You’vegivenmealotinthislifetime,andIhopethatIhavereturnedatleastsomething.I’veserved3000ofyourchildreninthebestwayIcould,relievingthemofthemeaninglessandcrueldevadasisystem.YourchildrenareyourflowersandIamreturningthemtoyou.’Thenmyeyesfellonthewomen.Theyweresoeagertolistentome.They

wantedtohearwhatIhadtosay.Abhaywastheretoo,lookingoverwhelmedbyeverythingtheyhaddoneforus.IquotedaSanskritshlokamygrandfatherhadtaughtmewhenIwassixyears

old:‘OGod,Idon’tneedakingdomnordoIdesiretobeanemperor.Idon’twantrebirthorthegoldenvesselsorheaven.Idon’tneedanythingfromyou.OLord,ifyouwanttogivemesomething,thengivemeasoftheartandhardhands,sothatIcanwipethetearsofothers.’Silently,Icamebacktomychair.Ididn’tknowwhatthewomenmustbe

thinkingorfeelingatthatmoment.

Anolddevadasiclimbedupontothestageandstoodthereproudly.Withafirmvoice,shesaid,‘Wewanttogiveourakkaaspecialgift.Itisanembroideredbedspreadandeachofushasstitchedsomeportionofit.Sotherearethreethousandstitches.Itmaynotlookbeautifulbutweallwantedtobepresentinthisbedspread.’Thenshelookedstraightatmeandcontinued,‘Thisisfromourheartstoyours.Thiswillkeepyoucoolinthesummerandwarminthewinter—justlikeouraffectiontowardsyou.Youwerebyoursideduringourdifficulttimes,andwewanttobewithyoutoo.’ItisthebestgiftIhaveeverreceived.

2HowtoBeattheBoys

Recently,whenIvisitedtheUS,Ihadtospeaktoacrowdofbothstudentsandhighlysuccessfulpeople.Ialwayspreferinteractingwiththeaudience,soIopenedthefloortoquestions.Afterseveralquestionswereasked,amiddle-agedmanstoodtospeak.

‘Ma’am,youareveryconfidentandclearincommunicatingyourthoughts.Youareabsolutelyateasewhiletalkingtous...’Iwasdirect.‘Pleasedon’tpraiseme.Askmeyourquestion.’‘IthinkyoumusthavestudiedabroadordoneyourMBAfromauniversityin

theWest.Isthatwhatgivesyousuchconfidence?’heasked.Withoutwastingasecond,Ireplied,‘ItcomesfrommyB.V.B.’Heseemedpuzzled.‘Whatdoyoumean—myB.V.B.?’Ismiled.‘I’mtalkingabouttheBasappaVeerappaBhoomaraddiCollegeof

EngineeringandTechnologyinHubli,amedium-sizedtowninthestateofKarnatakainIndia.IhaveneverstudiedoutsideofIndia.TheonlyreasonIstandherebeforeyouisbecauseofthatcollege.’Inalightervein,Icontinued,‘I’msurethattheyoungpeopleinthesoftware

industrywhoarepresentheretodaywillappreciatethecontributionofInfosystoIndiaandtotheUS.InfosyshasmadeBengaluru,KarnatakaandIndiaproud.HadInotbeeninB.V.B.,Iwouldnothavebecomeanengineer.IfIwasn’tanengineer,thenIwouldn’thavebeenabletosupportmyhusband.Andifmyhusbanddidn’thavehisfamily’sbacking,hemayormaynothavehadthechancetoestablishInfosysatall!Inthatcase,allofyouwouldn’thavegatheredheretodaytohearmespeak.’Everyoneclappedandlaughed,butIreallymeantwhatIsaid.Afterthe

Everyoneclappedandlaughed,butIreallymeantwhatIsaid.Afterthesessiongotoverandthecrowdleft,Ifelttiredandchosetositaloneonacouchnearby.Mymindwentbackto1968.Iwasaseventeen-year-oldgirlwithan

abundanceofcourage,confidenceandthedreamtobecomeanengineer.Icamefromaneducated,thoughmiddle-class,conservativeBrahminfamily.MyfatherwasaprofessorofobstetricsandgynaecologyinKarnatakaMedicalCollegeatHubli,whilemymotherwasaschoolteacherbeforeshegotmarried.Ifinishedmypre-universityexamswithexcellentmarksandtoldmyfamily

thatIwantedtopursueengineering.Ihadalwaysbeenfascinatedwithscience,evenmoresowithitsapplication.Engineeringwasoneofthosebranchesofsciencethatwouldallowmetoutilizemycreativity,especiallyindesign.ButitwasasifIhaddroppedabombinsideourhouse.Theimmediatereactionwasofshock.Engineeringwasclearlyanall-male

domainandhenceconsideredatabooforgirlsinthosedays.Therewasnoquestioningthestatusquo,whereingirlswereexpectedtobeinthecompanyofotherfemalestudentsinamedicalorsciencecollege.Theideaofawomanenteringtheengineeringfieldhadpossiblyneverpoppedupinanyone’smind.Itwasakintoexpectingpigstofly.Iwasmygrandmother’sfavouritegranddaughter,butevenshelookedatme

withdisdainandsaid,‘Ifyougoaheadanddothis,nomanfromnorthKarnatakawillmarryyou.Whowantstomarryawomanengineer?Iamsodisappointedinyou.’MygrandmotherneverthoughtthatIwoulddoanythingshedisapprovedof.However,shealsodidn’tknowthatinthecityofMysore,acrosstheriverofTungabhadra,livedamannamedNarayanaMurthywhowouldlaterwanttomarryme.Mygrandfather,ahistoryteacherandmyfirstgurutoteachmereadingand

writing,onlymildlyopposedit.‘Mychild,youarewonderfulathistory.Whycan’tyoudosomethinginthisfield?Youcouldbeagreatscholaroneday.Don’tchaseadrysubjectlikeengineering.’Mymother,whowasextremelyproficientinmathematics,said,‘Youare

goodinmaths.Whydon’tyoucompleteyourpost-graduationinmathematicsandgetajobasaprofessor?Youcaneasilyworkinacollegeafteryougetmarriedinsteadofbeingahard-coreengineerstrugglingtobalancefamilyandwork.’

Myfather,aliberalmanwhobelievedineducationforwomen,thoughtforamomentandsaid,‘Ithinkthatyoushouldpursuemedicine.Youareexcellentwithpeopleandlanguages.Totellyouthetruth,Idon’tknowmuchaboutengineering.Wedon’thaveasingleengineerinourfamily.Itisamale-dominatedindustryandyoumaynotfindanothergirlinyourclass.Whatifyouhavetospendfouryearswithoutarealfriendtotalkto?Thinkaboutit.However,thedecisionisyoursandIwillsupportyou.’ManyofmyauntsalsothoughtthatnoonewouldmarrymeifIchose

engineering.ThiswouldpossiblyentailthatImarrysomebodyfromanothercommunity,anabsolutelyunheardofthinginthosedays.However,Ididn’tcare.Asastudentofhistory,IhadreadHiuenTsang’sbook

Si-Yu-Ki.BeforeTsang’straveltoIndia,everybodydiscouragedhimfrommakingthejourneyonfoot,butherefusedtolistenanddecidedtogo.Intime,hebecamefamousforhisseventeen-year-longjourneytoIndia.TakingcouragefromTsang,Itoldmyfamily,‘Iwanttodoengineering.Comewhatmay,Iamreadyfortheconsequencesofmyactions.’IfilledouttheapplicationformforB.V.B.CollegeofEngineeringand

Technology,submitteditandsoonreceivedthenewsthatIhadbeenselectedtothecollegeonthebasisofmymarks.Iwasecstatic,butlittledidIknowthatthecollegestaffwasdiscomfitedbythisdevelopment.TheprincipalatthetimewasB.C.Khanapure,whohappenedtoknowmy

father.Theybothmetatabarbershoponedayandtheprincipalexpressedhisgenuineanguishatwhatheperceivedtobeanawkwardsituation.Hetoldmyfather,‘DoctorSahib,Iknowthatyourdaughterisveryintelligentandthatshehasbeengivenadmissiononlybecauseofmerit,butI’mafraidwehavesomeproblems.Shewillbetheonlygirlincollege.Itisgoingtobedifficultforher.First,wedon’thavealadies’toiletoncampus.Wedon’thavealadies’roomforhertorelaxeither.Second,ourboysareyoungwithraginghormonesandIamsurethattheywilltroubleher.Theymaynotdoanythinginfrontofthestaffbuttheywilldefinitelydosomethinglater.Theymaynotcooperatewithherorhelpherbecausetheyarenotusedtotalkingtogirls.Asafatheroffourdaughters,Iamconcernedaboutyourstoo.Canyoutellhertochangehermindforherownsake?’Myfatherreplied,‘Iagreewithyou,ProfessorSahib.Iknowyoumeanwell,

butmydaughterishell-bentonpursuingengineering.Frankly,she’snotdoing

butmydaughterishell-bentonpursuingengineering.Frankly,she’snotdoinganythingwrong.SoIhavedecidedtoletherpursueit.’‘Inthatcase,DoctorSahib,Ihaveasmallrequest.Pleaseaskhertoweara

saritocollegeasitisaman’sworldoutthereandthesariwillbeanappropriatedressfortheenvironmentshewillbein.Sheshouldnottalktotheboysunnecessarilybecausethatwillgiverisetorumoursandthat’snevergoodforagirlinoursociety.Also,tellhertoavoidgoingtothecollegecanteenandspendingtimetherewiththeboys.’Myfathercamebackandtoldmeaboutthisconversation.Ireadilyagreedto

alloftherequestssinceIhadnointentionofchangingmymind.Eventually,Iwouldbecomefriendlywithsomeoftheboys,butIalways

knewwheretodrawtheline.Thetruthisthatitwerethesesameboyswhowouldteachmesomeoflife’slessonslater,suchasthevalueofkeepingasenseofperspective,theimportanceoftakingiteasyeverynowandthenandbeingagoodsport.Manyoftheboys,whoarenowoldergentlemen,arelikemybrothersevenafterfiftyyears!Finally,itwasthelackofladies’toiletsoncampusthatmademeunderstandthedifficultyfacedbymanywomeninIndiaduetotheinsufficiencyorsheerabsenceoftoilets.Eventually,thiswouldleadmetobuildmorethan13,000toiletsinKarnatakaalone!Meanwhile,mymotherchoseanauspiciousdayformetopaythetuitionfee.

ItwasaThursdayandhappenedtobetheendofthemonth.MymothernaggedmetopaythefeeofRs400thatdayalthoughmyfatheronlyhadRs300left.Hetoldher,‘Waitforafewdays.IwillgetmysalaryandthenSudhacanpayherfees.’Mymotherrefusedtobudge.‘Ourdaughterisgoingtocollege.Itisabig

deal.Wemustpaythefeestoday—itwillbegoodforherstudies.’Whiletheywerestillgoingbackandforth,myfather’sassistant,DrS.S.

Hiremath,camealongwithhisfather-in-law,Patil,whowastheheadmanoftheBaadvillagenearShiggaon,thetownwhereIwasborn.Patilcuriouslyaskedwhatwasgoingonandmyfatherexplainedthesituationtohim.Hethentookouthiswalletandgavemyfatherahundredrupees.Hesaid,‘DoctorSahib,pleaseacceptthismoney.Iwanttogiftittothisgirlwhoisdoingsomethingpath-breaking.Ihaveseenparentstakeloansandselltheirhousesorfarmstopaytheirsons’feessothattheycanbecomeengineers.Infact,sometimes,they

don’tevenknowwhethertheirchildwillstudyproperlyornot.Lookatyourdaughter.ShedesperatelywantstodothisandIthinksheisright.’‘No,MrPatil,’myfatherrefused.‘Ican’ttakesuchanexpensivegift.Iwill

acceptthisasaloanandreturnittoyounextmonthafterIreceivemysalary.’Patilcontinuedasthoughhehadn’theardmyfather,‘Themostimportant

thingisforyourdaughtertodoherbestandcompletehercourseandbecomeamodelforothergirls.’Thenheturnedtomeandsaid,‘Sudha,promisemethatyouwillalwaysbeethical,impartialandhard-workingandthatyouwillbringagoodnametoyourfamilyandsociety.’Inoddedmeekly,suddenlyhumbled.Myfirstdayofcollegearrivedamonthlater.Iworeawhitesariforthefirst

time,touchedthefeetofalltheeldersathomeandprayedtoGoddessSaraswatiwhohadbeenverykindtome.Ithenmademywaytothecollege.AssoonasIreached,theprincipalcalledmeandgavemeakey.Hesaid,

‘Here,MsKulkarni,takethis.Thisisthekeyofatinyroominthecorneroftheelectricalengineeringdepartmentonthesecondfloor.Youcanusethisroomwheneveryouwant.’Ithankedhimprofusely,tookthekeyandimmediatelywenttoseetheroom.I

openedthedoorexcitedly,butalas!Theroomhadtwobrokendesksandtherewasnosignofatoilet.ItwassodustythatIcouldnotevenconsiderenteringit.Seeingmethere,acleanercamerunningwithabroominhishand.Withoutlookingatme,hesaid,‘I’msosorry.PrincipalSahibtoldmeyesterdaythatagirlstudentwasgoingtojointhecollegetoday,butIthoughtthathewasjoking.SoIdidn’tcleantheroom.Anyway,Iwilldoitrightnow.’Afterhehadfinishedcleaning,Istillfeltthattheroomwasdusty.Calmly,I

toldhim,‘Leavethebroomhereandgivemeawetcloth,please.Iwillcleantheroommyself.’Aftercleaningtheroomtomysatisfaction,Ibrushedoffthedustonmy

clothesandwenttoclass.WhenIenteredtheroomonthegroundfloor,therewere149pairsofeyes

staringatmeasthoughIweresomekindofanexoticanimal.Itwastruethough.Iwastheonehundredandfiftiethanimalinthiszoo!IknewthatsomeofthemwantedtowhistlebutIkeptastraightfaceandlookedaroundforaplacetosit.Thefirstbenchwasempty.AsIwasabouttositthere,Isawthatsomeonehad

spiltblueinkrightinthemiddleoftheseat.Thiswasobviouslymeantforme.Ifelttearsthreateningtospillover,butIblinkedthemaway.Makinguseofthenewspaperinmyhand,Iwipedtheseatcleanandsatonacornerofthebench.Icouldheartheboyswhisperingbehindme.Onegrumbled,‘Whythehelldid

youputinkontheseat?Nowshemaygoandcomplaintotheprincipal.’Anotherboyreplied,‘HowcansheprovethatIhavedoneit?Thereare149of

ushere.’Despitefeelinghurt,Ididnotgototheprincipaltocomplain.Hehadalready

warnedmyfatherthatifIcomplained,theseboysmightpersistintroublingmefurtherandImayeventuallyhavetoleavethecollege.So,Idecidedtokeepquietnomatterhowmuchtheseboystriedtoharassme.ThetruthwasthatIwasafraidofbeingsotroubledbytheboys’activitiesthat

Iwouldquitengineeringaltogether.Ithoughtofwaystostaystrong—physicallyandmentally.Itwouldbemytapas,orpenance.Inthatinstant,Iresolvedthatforthenextfouryears,Iwouldneithermissanyclassnoraskanyoneforhelpwithclassnotes.Inanefforttoteachmyselfself-restraintandself-control,IdecidedthatuntilIcompletedmyengineeringdegree,Iwouldwearonlywhitesaris,refrainfromsweets,sleeponamatandtakebathswithcoldwater.Iaimedtobecomeself-sufficient;Iwouldbemybestfriendandmyworstenemy.Ididn’tknowthenthatsuchaquotealreadyexistedintheBhagavadGitawhereKrishnasays,‘Atmaaivahiatmanobandhuaatmaaivaripuatmanah’.Wereallydon’tneedsuchpenancetodowellinourstudies,butIwasyoung

anddeterminedandwantedtodoallIcouldtosurviveengineering.Ihadgoodteacherswhowereconsiderateandsoughttolookoutformein

class.Theywouldoccasionallyask,‘MsKulkarni,iseverythingokaywithyou?’Evenourcollegeprincipal,ProfessorKhanapure,wentoutofhiswayto

inquireaboutmywelfareandifanyboysweretroublingme.However,Ican’tsaythesameaboutmyclassmates.Oneday,theybroughtasmallbunchofflowersandstuckitinmyplaitedhair

withoutmyknowledgewhentheteacherwasnotaround.Iheardsomeoneshoutfromtheback—‘MsFlowerpot!’Iquietlyranmyfingersthroughmyhair,foundtheflowersandthrewthemaway.Ididnotsayanything.Attimes,theywouldthrowpaperairplanesatmyback.Unfoldingthepapers,

Iwouldfindcommentssuchas,‘Awoman’splaceisinthekitchenorinmedical

scienceorasaprofessor,definitelynotinanengineeringcollege.’Otherswouldread,‘Wereallypityyou.Whyareyouperformingpenancelike

GoddessParvati?AtleastParvatihadareasonforit.ShewantedtomarryShiva.WhoisyourShiva?’Iwouldkeepthepaperplanesandrefrainfromreplying.Therewasafamousstudent-friendlyactivityinourcollegeknownas

‘fishpond’.Ratherthananactualfishpond,itwasafishbowlthatcarriedacollectionofanonymousnotes,orthe‘fish’.Anybodyfromthecollegecouldwriteacommentoranopinionthatwouldbereadoutlateronourannualcollegeday.Allthestudentswouldeagerlywaittohearwhatfunnyandwittyremarkshadbeenselectedthatyear.Thedesignatedhostwouldstandonthestageinthecollegequadrangleandreadthenotesoutloud.Everyyear,mostofthenoteswereaboutme.IwasoftenthetargetofKannadalimericks,oneofwhichIcanstillremembervividly:

Avvaavvagenasa,Kariseeriudisa,Gandanamanegekalisa.

Thisliterallytranslatesto:

MomMom,thereisasweetpotato,Pleasegivemeablacksariandsendmetomyhusband’shouse,ThisisbecauseI’malwayswearingawhitesari.

SomeoftheromanticnorthIndianboyswouldmodifythelyricsofsongsfrommovieslikeTeesriKasam:

SajanrejhootmathboloSudhakepassjaanahaiNahaathihainaghodahaiVahanpaidaljaanahai.

Thiscanbetranslatedas:

Dear,comeon,don’tlieIwanttogotoSudhaIneitherhaveanelephantnorahorseButIwillgowalking(toher).

Alltheboyswouldthensneakaglanceatmetoseemyreaction,butIwouldsimplyholdbackmytearsandtrymyhardesttosmile.Iknewthatmyclassmateswereactingoutforareason.Itwasnotthatthey

wantedtobullyorharassmewithdeliberateintentionasisthenormthesedays.Itwasjustthattheywereunprepared—bothmentallyandphysically—todealwithapersonoftheoppositesexstudyingwiththem.Ourconservativesocietydiscouragedtheminglingofboysandgirlsevenasfriends,andso,Iwasasinterestingasanalientothem.Mymindjustifiedthereasonfortheboys’behaviourandhelpedmecope.Andyet,theremarks,thepranksandthesarcasmcontinuedtohurt.Myonlyoutletincollegewasmyactualeducation.Ienjoyedtheengineering

subjectsanddidverywellinmyexams.IfoundthatIperformedbetterthantheboys,eveninhard-coreengineeringsubjectssuchassmithy,filing,carpentryandwelding.TheboysworeblueoverallsandIworeablueapronovermysari.IknewthatIlookedquitefunny,butitwasasmallpricetopayfortheeducationIwasgetting.Whentheexamresultswereannounced,everyoneelseknewmymarksbefore

Idid.Almosteverysemester,myclassmatesandseniorswouldmakeasingularefforttofindoutmymarksanddisplaythemonthenoticeboardforeveryonetosee.Ihadabsolutelynoprivacy.Overthecourseofmystudies,Irealizedthatthebelief‘engineeringisa

man’sdomain’isacompletemyth.NotonlywasIjustascapableasthem,Ialsoscoredhigherthanallmyclassmates.ThisgavemeadditionalconfidenceandIcontinuedtonotmissasingledayorasingleclass.Ipersistedinstudyinghard,determinedtotopthesubsequentexaminations.Intime,Ibecameunfazedthatmymarksweredisplayedonthenoticeboard.Onthecontrary,IwasproudthatIwasbeatingalltheboysattheirowngameasIkeptbaggingthefirstrankintheuniversity.Myabilitytobeself-sufficientmademestrongandtheboyseventuallystarted

torespectme,becamedependentonmeforsurveysanddrawingsandaskedmefortheanswersoftheassignments.Ibegantomakefriendsandeventoday,mygoodfriendsincludeRameshJangalfromthecivildepartment,mylabpartnerSunilKulkarni,andFakeerGowda,M.M.Kulkarni,HireGowda,AnandUthuri,GajananThakur,PrakashPadaki,H.P.SudarshanandRameshLodaya.

Iwillneverforgetmyteachers:L.J.Noronhafromtheelectricalengineeringdepartment,YogaNarasimha,agiftedteacherfromBengaluru,Prof.Mallapurfromthechemistrydepartment,Prof.Kulkarnifromhydraulicsandmanymore.Betweenmyclasses,Ialsospentmuchtimeinthelibraryandthelibrarianbecameveryfondofmeovertime,eventuallygivingmeextrabooks.Ialsospokefrequentlytothegardeneraboutthetreesthatshouldbeplanted

infrontofthecollege,andduringmyfouryearsthere,Ihadhimplantcoconuttrees.WheneverIgotoB.V.B.now,Ilookatthecoconuttreesandfondlyremembermygoldendaysonthecampus.ThefouryearspassedquicklyandthedaycamewhenIfinallyhadtoleave.I

feltsad.Ihadcomeasascaredteenagerandwasleavingasaconfidentandbrightyoungengineer!Collegehadtaughtmetheresiliencetofaceanysituation,theflexibilitytoadjustasneeded,theimportanceofbuildinggoodandhealthyrelationshipswithothers,sharingnoteswithclassmatesandcollaboratingwithothersinsteadofstayingbymyself.Thus,whenIspeakoffriends,Idon’tusuallythinkofwomenbutratherofmenbecauseIreallygrewupwiththem.WhenIlaterenteredthecorporateworld,itwasagaindominatedbymen.Itwasonlynaturalformycolleagueorfriendtobeamanandonlysometimeswouldtherebewomen,whomIhavegottoknowovermanyyears.Collegeisnotjustabuildingmadeupofwalls,benchesanddesks.Itismuch

moreintangiblethanthat.TherighteducationshouldmakeyouaconfidentpersonandthatiswhatB.V.B.didforme.Ilatercompletedmymaster’sprogrammefromtheIndianInstituteofScience,

Bengaluru.Yet,B.V.B.continuestohaveaspecialplaceinmyheart.Whenmyfatherpassedawayduetooldage,Idecidedtodosomethinginhis

memory.Hehadallowedmetogoaheadandbecomeanengineer,despitealltheoddsandthegrievanceshehadheardfromourfamilyandsociety.Thus,Ibuiltalecturehallinhismemoryinourcollegecampus.WheneverIgoabroadtodeliveraspeech,atleastfivepeopleofdifferentages

comeandtellmethattheyarefromB.V.B,too.Iconnectwiththemimmediatelyandcan’thelpbutsmileandask,‘Whichyeardidyougraduate?Whowereyourteachers?Howmanygirlsstudiedinyourclass?’Now,wheneverIgobacktothecollege,itislikeacelebration,likeadaughter

cominghome.Towardstheendofthevisit,Ialmostalwaysstandaloneinthe

innerquadrangleofthestage.MymemoriestakemebacktothenumerousoccasionswhenIreceivedawardsforacademicexcellence.Ithenspendafewminutesinfrontofthenoticeboardandwalkuptothesmallroomonthesecondflooroftheelectricalengineeringdepartmentthatwas‘Kulkarni’sRoom’,butnolongerdustynow.IrememberthebenchonwhichIsatandpreparedformyexams.MyheartfeelsafamiliarachewhenIrecallsomeofmyteachersandclassmateswhoarenolongerinthisworldtoday.Andthen,asIwalkdownthestairs,Icomeacrossgroupsofgirls—chatting

awayhappilyandwearingjeans,skirtsortraditionalsalwarkameezes.Therearealmostasmanygirlsasthereareboysinthecollege.Whentheyseeme,theylovinglysurroundmeforautographs.Inthemidstofthecrowdandthesignings,Ithinkofmyparentsandmyjourneyoffiftyyearsandmyeyesgetmisty.MayGodblessourcollege,B.V.B!

3FoodforThought

Rekhaisaverydearfriendandourfamilieshaveknowneachotherforgenerations.SinceIhadn’tseenherforalongtime,Idecidedtovisither.Ipickedupthephoneanddialledhernumber.Herfather,Rao,whoislikeafathertome,pickedupthephone.‘Hello?’WeexchangedgreetingsandIsaid,‘Uncle,Iamcomingtoyourhousefor

lunchtomorrow.’Herfather,abotanist,wasveryhappy.‘Pleasedo.TomorrowisaSundayand

wecanrelaxalittlebit.Don’trunoffquickly!’hereplied.InacitysuchasBengaluru,goingfromJayanagartoMalleswaramona

weekdayusuallytakesaminimumoftwohours.TravellingonaSundayismucheasierbecauseittakesonlyhalfthetime.WhenIreachedherhomethenextday,Icouldsmellthatlunchwasalmostready,andyetthearomaswaftinginfromthekitchenindicatedtomethattheday’smenuwouldsomehowbedifferent.NoneofthetypicalKarnatakadisheswerelaidoutonthetable,andthecuisinewas,infact,quiteblandformytaste.‘ImaywearasimplesaributIamafoodie,Rekha!Isthelunchspecially

arrangedsothatIdon’tcomeagain?’Ijoked,asonecanwithanoldfriendwhowillnotmisunderstandandtakeoffence.Rekha’sfatherlaughedheartily.‘Well,’hesighed.‘Todayismymother’s

shraddhaordeathanniversary.Onthisday,wealwaysprepareamealfromindigenousvegetables.’‘Whatdoyoumeanbyindigenous?’Iwasperplexed.‘Aren’tallthe

vegetablesavailableinourcountryindigenous,exceptperhapsoneslike

cauliflower,cabbageandpotato?’‘OhmyGod!Youhavejustbegunawrongtopiconawrongdaywiththe

wrongperson!’exclaimedRekhainmockdismay.‘Afterlunch,IthinkIshouldjustleaveyouwithmyfatherandjoinyoubothlaterintheevening.Thiswilltakeatleastfourhoursofyourtime.’IknewthatRekha’sfatherwasabotanist,butitwasthenthatIrealizedthat

hewaspassionateaboutthissubject.ThoughIhadknownhimforareallylongtime,Ihadneverseenthisfacetofhispersonalitybefore.Probably,hehadbeentoobusyduringhisworkingyearswhilewehadbeentoobusyplayingandfoolingaround.‘Isthisreallytrue,Uncle?’Iasked.Henodded.SinceIcomefromafarmer’sfamilyonmypaternalside,Ihavealwayshada

fascinationforvegetables.Iknewvaguelyaboutthethingswecouldgrow,theseasonstogrowtheminandtheonesthatwecouldnotgrow,includingthereasonswhy.However,wheneverIbroachedthesubjectwithfriendsinterestedinagricultureandfarming,Ineverreallyreceivedaproperanswer.Finally,herewasamanmorethanwillingtosharehisknowledgewithme!Icouldn’tresist.‘Youknow,Rekha,’Isaid,‘itisdifficulttogetknowledgeablepeopleto

spendtimeexplainingtheirsubjectmattertoothers.Today,Googleislikemygrandmother.IlogontothewebsiteanytimeIrequireanexplanationofsomethingIdon’tunderstandorwanttolearnabout.’‘Rightnow,youareloggingontoanencyclopaedia,’Rekhasmiledand

glancedatherfatheraffectionately.Theconversationdriftedtoothersubjectsasweatelunch.Themeal

constitutedofrice,sambarwithoutchillies,daalwithblackpepperandnotchillies,gorikayi(clusterbeans),methisaag,cucumberraitaandricepayasam.Itwasaccompaniedbyudinvadawithblackpepper.Therewaspickleandsomeplainyogurtonthesidetoo.Afterwehadeatenthislunchwell-suitedforsomeonerecoveringinahospital,Rekha’sfathersaid,‘Come,let’sgotothegarden.’Rekha’sfamilyownedanoldhouseinthecornerofastreet.Hergrandfather

hadbeenintheBritishrailwaysandwasluckyenoughtobuythecornerplotatalowpriceandhadbuiltasmallhomewithalargegardenthere.Inacitylike

Bengaluru,filledwithapartmentsandsmallspaces,thegardenwassomethingofaprivilegeandaluxury.UncleandIwalkedtothegardenwhileRekhatookanap.Hesettledhimself

onabench,whileIlookedaround.Itwasaminiatureforestwithalargekitchengardenofcarrots,okra,fenugreekandspinach—eachsegregatedneatlyintosections.Afewsugarcanesshonebrightlyinfrontofuswhileadwarfpapayatreeheavywithfruitstoodinacorner.Ontheotherendwasalineofmaizeaswellasfloweringtreessuchastheparijata(theIndiancoraltree),androsesofvaryingcolours.‘UncleandAuntymustbespendingalotoftimeheremakingthisplace

beautiful,’Ithought.‘Allthetreesandplantsseemhealthy—almostasiftheyarehappytobehere!’‘DoyouthinkthatallthevegetableswehavearoundusarefromIndia?Orare

theyfromothercountries?’heaskedoutoftheblue.IfeltasifIwasbackinschoolinfrontofmyteacher.ButIwasn’tscared.

EvenifIgavehimawronganswer,itwasn’tgoingtoaffectmyprogressreport.‘Ofcourse,Uncle!Indiahasthelargestpopulationofvegetarians.So,intime,wehavelearnttomakedifferentkindsofvegetariandishes.Evenpeoplewhoeatmeatavoiditduringtraditionaleventssuchasfestivals,weddings,deathanniversariesandthemonthofShravana.’‘Iagreewithyourassessmentofeverything,exceptthatmostvegetablesare

growninIndia.Thetruthisthatthemajorityofourvegetablesarenotoursatall.Theyhavecomefromdifferentcountries.’Istaredathimindisbelief.Hepointedtoatomatoplant—acreeperwithmultiplefruits,tiedtoafirm

bamboostick.‘Lookatthis!IsthisanIndianvegetable?’Ithoughtoftomatosoup,tomatorasam,tomatobhat(tomato-flavouredrice),

sandwichesandchutney.‘Ofcourseitis.Weuseiteverysingleday.ItisanintegralpartofIndiancuisine.’Unclesmiled.‘Well,thetomatodidnotoriginateinIndia,butinMexico.It

madeitswaytoEuropein1554.Sincenobodyatetomatoesoverthereatthetime,theybecameornamentalplantsbecauseofthebeautifuldeep-redcolour.Atsomepoint,therewasabeliefinEuropethatitwasgoodforcuringinfertility,whilesomethoughtthatitwaspoisonous.Thecontradictingperspectivesmade

itdifficultforthisfruittobeincorporatedintotheirdietforalongtime.ItslackofvaluemusthavebeenarealpushforinitiatingSpain’stomatofestival,wheremillionsoftomatoesareusedeveryyeartothisday.Astorygoesthatonebusiness-savvyEuropeansurroundedhistomatoplantswithasturdy,thickfencetoshowhisneighboursthatthefruitswerenotpoisonous,butrathervaluableandthusdesirable.Gradually,thefruitsreachedIndiaandbegantobeusedasacommercialcrop,thankstoitstemptingcolourandtaste.ItmusthavecometousduringthereignoftheBritish.Buttoday,wecannotthinkofcookingwithouttomatoes.’‘Wow!’Ithought.Outloud,Isaid,‘Uncle,tellmeaboutanessentialitemthat

isusedinourcookingbutisn’tours.’‘Comeon,tryandguess.Wesimplycannotcookwithoutthisparticular

vegetable.’Iclosedmyeyesandthoughtofsambar,thatessentialsouthIndiandishand

themutterpaneertypicalofthenorthIndiancuisine.Ittookmeawhiletothinkofacommoningredient—thechilli.Ibrushedmythoughtaway.‘No,there’snowaythatthechillicanbeanimportedvegetable.TherecanbenoIndianfoodwithoutit,’Ithought.Unclelookedatme.‘Youareright.Itisthechilli!’heexclaimedalmostasif

hehadreadmymind.‘Howdidyouknow?’‘Becausepeopleneverfailtobeshockedwhentheythinkofthepossibility

thatchillicouldbefromanothercountry.Icanseeitclearlyontheirfaceswhenthewheelsturninsidetheirhead.’Mydisbeliefwasobvious.Howcouldwecookwithoutchillies?Itisas

importantassaltinIndiancooking.‘Therearemanystoriesandmultipletheoriesaboutchillies,’Unclesaid.

‘WhenVascodaGamacametoIndia,hecamefromPortugalviaBrazilandbroughtmanyseedswithhim.Later,MarcoPoloandtheBritishcametoIndia.Thus,manymoreplantseedsarrived.Thetruthisthatwhatwecall“indigenous”isn’treallyours.Thinkofchillies,capsicum,corn,groundnut,cashews,beans,potato,papaya,pineapple,custardapple,guavaandsapodilla—theyareallfromSouthAmerica.Overtime,weindigenizedthemandlearnthowtocookthem.Somesaythatthechillicamefromthecountryofthesamename,whilesome

otherssayitcamefromMexico.Accordingtoatheory,blackpepperwastheingredienttraditionallyusedinIndiatomakeourfoodhotandspicy.SomescholarsbelievethatthesolegoaloftheEastIndiaCompanywastoacquireamonopolyoverIndia’speppertrade,whichlaterendedinIndia’scolonization.Butwhenwebeganusingchillies,wefoundthatittastedbetterthanblackpepper.Togiveyouanexample,werefertoblackpepperaskalumenasuinKannada.Wegaveasimilarnametothechilliandcalleditmenasinkai.InHindi,itisfrequentlyreferredtoasmirchi.Inthewarbetweenblackpepperandchilli,theformerlostandchilliestablisheditselfasthenewprinceandcontinuestoruletheIndianfoodindustryeventoday.northKarnatakaisfamousforitsredchilliesnow.’‘ThatmuchIdoknow,Uncle!’Iclosedmyeyesandhadavisionofmy

youngerdays.‘Irememberseeingacresandacresofredchilliplantsduringmychildhood.TheharvestusedtotakeplaceduringtheDiwaliseason.IrememberthattheBadgidistrictwasdedicatedtothesaleofchillies.IhadgonewithmyuncleonedayandwasamazedbythemountainsofredchilliesIsawthere.’‘Ohyes,youareright!Thoseredchilliesarebrightredincolourbutthey

aren’treallyhotorspicy.Onthecontrary,chilliesthatgrowinthestateofAndhraPradeshintheareaofGunturareextremelyspicy.Theyarealittleroundedinshape,notasdeepredincolourandarecalledGunturchillies.Agoodcookusesacombinationofdifferentkindsofchilliestomakethedishdeliciousandattractive.Nowthat’swhatIcallindigenous.’‘Therewerealsotwootherkindsofchilliesinourfarm—onewasachilli

calledGandharorRavanachillithatgrowsupsidedownandtheotherone,ofcourse,wascapsicum.’Unclenodded.‘CapsicuminIndiaisnothingbutgreenorredbellpeppersin

theWest.ButifyoueatonetinyRavanachilli,youwillhavetositinthebathroomwithyourbacksideinpainanddrinkmanybottlesofwaterforalong,longtime!Oryouwillhavetoeatfivehundredgramsofcandies,sweetsorchocolates.’Webothlaughed.Hearingthelaughter,Rekha’smothercameandjoinedus.‘Areyoufolks

jokingabouttoday’smenu?I’msorrythattherewasn’tmuchvariety.WhenIheardthatyouwerecomingforlunch,ItoldUncletoinformyouthattoday’s

foodwasgoingtobeblandandthatyoucouldcomeanotherSunday,buthesaidthatyouarelikefamilyandwouldn’tmindatall,’shesaidtome.Thatsparkedmyinterest.‘Tellmethereasonfortheblandfood,Aunty!’‘Wehaveamethodtothemadness,Iguess.Duringdeathanniversaries,wedo

notusevegetablesorspicesthathavecomefromothercountries.Hence,weuseingredientslikefenugreek,blackpepperandcucumber,amongothers.OurancestorswerescaredofusingnewvegetablesandnamedtheseimportsVishwamitrasrishti.’ThiswasthefirsttimethatIhadheardofsuchathing.‘Whatdoesthat

mean?’Auntysettledintoamakeshiftchairundertheguavatree.‘Thestorygoesthat

therewasakingcalledTrishankuwhowantedtogotoheavenalongwithhisphysicalbody.Withhisstrongpenanceandpowers,thesageVishwamitrawasabletosendhimtoheaven,butthegodspushedhimbackbecausetheywereworriedthatitwouldsetaprecedentforpeopletocomeinwiththeirphysicalbodies.Thatwasnottobeallowed.VishwamitratriedtopushTrishankuupwardsbutthegodspushedhimdown,likeagameoftugofwar.Intheend,VishwamitracreatedanewworldforTrishankuandcalleditTrishankuSwarga.Heevencreatedvegetablesthatbelongedneithertotheearthnorheaven.SovegetableslikeeggplantandcauliflowerarethecreationsofVishwamitra,whichmustnotbeusedatatimesuchasadearone’sdeathanniversary.’SilencefellbetweenusandIponderedoverAunty’sstory.Afterafew

minutes,IsawRekhacomingtowardsuswithsomebananasandorangesandaboxofwhatseemedtobedessert.‘Come,’shesaidtome,‘havesomething.Thebananaisfromourgardenand

thedessertismadefromhome-growningredientstoo!Youmustbe...’Uncleinterrupted,‘DoyouknowthatwemakesomanydessertsinIndiathat

aren’toriginaltoourcountry?’‘Appa,tellherthestoryoftheguavaandthebanana.Ireallylikethatone,’

Rekhasaid.Shesmiledasshehandedmeabanana.Unclegrinned,pleasedtoimpartsomemoreknowledge.‘Theseedsofguava

camefromGoa,’hesaid.‘Sosomepeoplesaythat’showitwasnamed.InKannada,wecallitperalahannubecausewebelievethatitoriginatedinPeru,SouthAmerica.Letmetellyouastory.‘Durvasawasafamedshort-temperedsageinourancientepics.Hecursed

‘Durvasawasafamedshort-temperedsageinourancientepics.Hecursedanyonewhodaredtorousehisanger.ThesagewasmarriedtoawomannamedKandali.Oneday,shesaidtohim,“Osage,peopleareterriblyafraidofyouwhileIhavelivedwithyouforsuchalongtime.Don’tyouthinkIdeserveagreatboonfromyou?”‘ThoughDurvasawasupsetatherwords,hedidnotcurseher.Hethought

seriouslyaboutwhatshehadsaidanddecidedthatshewasright.“Iwillgiveyouaboon.Butonlyone.Sothinkcarefully,”hesaid.‘Aftersomethought,shereplied,“Createafruitformethatisuniqueand

blessedwithbeautifulcolours.Thetreeshouldgrownotinheavenbutonearth.Itshouldhavetheabilitytogroweasilyeverywhereinourcountry.Itmustgivefruitsinbunchesandforthewholeyear.Thefruitmustnothaveanyseedsandmustnotcreateamesswhenweeatit.Whenitisnotripe,weshouldbeabletouseitasavegetableandonceitisripe,weshoulduseitwhileperformingpujas.Wemustbeabletouseallpartsofthetree.”‘Durvasawassurprisedandimpressedatthenumberofspecificationshiswife

wasgivinghim.Hewasusedtogivingcursesinangerandthenfiguringouttheirsolutionsoncehehadcalmeddown,butthisseeminglysimplerequestwasatestofhisintelligence.“Nowonderwomenarecleverer.Menlikemegetupsetquicklyandactbeforefullythinkingoftheconsequences,”hethought.‘ThesageprayedtoGoddessSaraswatitogivehimtheknowledgewithwhich

hecouldsatisfyhiswife’sdemand.Afterafewminutes,herealizedthathewouldbeabletofulfilhiswife’sdesire.Thushecreatedthebananatree,whichisfoundalloverIndiatoday.Everypartofthetree—theleaf,thebark,thestem,theflowersanditsfruitsareuseddaily.Rawbananacanbecookedwhiletheripebananacanbeeateneasilybypeelingoffitsskin.Itisalsoanessentialpartofworshiptothegods.Thefruitisseedlessandpresentsitselfasabunch.Amaturetreelivesforayearandsmallersaplingsarefoundaroundit.‘Kandaliwasecstaticandnamedtheplantkandari.Sheannounced,“Whoever

eatsthisfruitwillnotgetupset,despitethefactthatitwascreatedbymyshort-temperedhusband.”‘Overaperiodoftime,peoplestartedusingthebananaextensivelyandloved

it.SlowlythenamekandarichangedtokadaliandthebananacametobeknownaskadaliphalainSanskrit.’Uncletookadeepbreathattheendofhisstory.Ismiled,amusedatthestorythatseemedtoresultfromfertileimagination.I

hadastrongurgetogrababananaandtookonefromtheplateinfrontofme.

hadastrongurgetogrababananaandtookonefromtheplateinfrontofme.‘Youmayhavegivenmeblandfoodtoday,’Isaid,‘butIreallywantsomedessert.’Rekhaopenedthebox.Itwasfilledwithdifferentvarietiesofsweets.Isaw

gulabjamuns,jhangri(adeep-friedflour-baseddessert)andgulkhand(arosepetal-basedpreserve).Ican’tresistgulabjamuns,soIimmediatelypickedoneupandpoppeditintomydroolingmouth.Itwassoftandsweet.‘Whatadessert!’Iremarked,amazedathowdeliciousitwas!‘NobodycanbeatuswhenitcomestoIndiandesserts.Idon’tknowhowpeoplecanliveinothercountrieswithoutgulabjamuns.’‘Waitaminute,don’tmakesuchsweepingstatements,’saidRekha.‘Gulab

jamunisnotfromIndia.’‘Yeah,right,’Isaid,notconvincedatall.Beforeshecouldstopme,Igrabbed

anothergulabjamunandgulpeditdown.‘I’mserious.Alanguagescholaroncecametospeakinourcollege.Hetoldus

thatapartfromEnglish,weusemultiplePersian,ArabicandPortuguesewordsthatwearen’tevenawareof.GulabjamunisaPersianwordandisadishpreparedinIran.ItbecamepopularinIndiaduringtheMughalreignbecausethecourtlanguagewasPersian.Thesameistrueforjhangri,whichisakindofornamentwornonthewristandthejhangridesignresemblesit.’‘Youwillnowtellmethatevengulkhandisfromsomewhereelse!’I

complainedloudly.Shegrinned,‘Youaren’twrong!GulkhandisaPersianwordtoo—gulis

nothingbutroseandkhandmeanssweet.Gul,infact,originatesfromthewordgulab(rose).’Mybrainwasthoroughlyexhaustedwithallthisinformation.WhenIsawthe

oranges,Isaidwithpride,‘Iwillnotcallthisanorangenow,butitsKannadanamenarangi.’Uncleclearedhisthroat.‘NarangiisanIndianwordbutitdoesnotoriginate

inKarnataka.Itismadeupoftwowords—naar(orangeorcolourofthesun)andrangi(colour).’Theconversationwasleavingmefeelingtrulylost.‘Whenpeoplestayinoneplaceforsometime,’hecontinued,‘theywill

unknowinglyabsorbtheculturearoundthem,includingtheirfoodandlanguage.

Attimes,weadoptthechangesintoourlocalcuisineandmakeitourown.That’sexactlywhathappenedwiththefoodswehavediscussed.’Iglancedatmywatch.Itwastimeformetoleave.Ithankedthemprofusely,

especiallyUncle,forenlighteningmeinawaythatevenGooglecouldnot.TherewasahugetrafficjamdespiteitbeingaSundayeveningasIsetoutfor

home,butIwasn’tboredontheway.Infact,IwashappytorecollectUncle’swordsandperhaps,asaresult,suddenlyrememberedanincident.Mymotherhadtwosisters.Thoughallthreesistersweremarriedtomenfrom

thesamestate,theirhusbands’jobswereindifferentareas—onelivedinsouthKarnatakaintheoldMysorestate,myparentslivedinMaharashtraandthethirdstayedintheflatlandsinaremotecornerofKarnataka.Aftertheirhusbandsretired,thethreesisterslivedinHubliinthesamearea.It

wasfuntomeetmycousinseverydayandeatmealstogether.Wecelebratedfestivalsasafamilyandthefoodwascookedinonehouse,thougheverybodybroughthome-cookeddessertsfromtheirownhouses.DuringoneparticularDiwali,wehadahostofdelicacies.Mymothermade

puriandshrikhand(apopulardishinMaharashtramadefromstrainedyogurtandsugar).MyauntfromMysoremadekishmishkheerandarice-basedmaincoursecalledbisibeleanna,whiletheotherauntmadegroundnut-basedsweetssuchasjaggery-basedstickychikkiandball-shapedladdus.Aschildren,mycousinsandIhadplentyoffuneatingthembutinthecar,I

realizedforthefirsttimethatallthesistershadabsorbedsomethingfromtheareathattheyhadlivedin.Despitetheirphysicalproximity,thefoodineachhouseholdwassodiverse.Icouldn’thelpbutwonderhowexcitingthefoodreallymustbeinthedifferentregionsofIndia.Ithoughtofpaneerpizzas,cheesedosasandtheIndian‘Chinese’food.They

musthaveoriginatedthesameway.WhoreallysaidthatIndiaisacountry?Itisacontinent—culturallyvibrant,

diverseinfoodandyet,distinctlyIndianatheart.

4ThreeHandfulsofWater

WhenIwasyoung,IlivedwithmygrandparentsinatinyvillageinKarnataka.Mygrandmother,Krishnakka,wasagood-lookinglady.ButIrarelysawher

dresswell,unlesstherewasafestivaloranimportantevent.WhenIcamebackfromschooloneday,Ifoundherjustabouttoopenabig

woodenboxcontaininghersilksarisandafewdearpossessions.Sincesherarelyopenedthisparticularbox,italwayscarriedanairoffascinationforme.I’dalwaysdropwhateverIwasdoingtojoinher.Thistimewasnodifferent.Idroppedmybagandrantoher.Ipeepedinsideandsawasilverkumkumbharani(aboxusedtokeeptheredpowderusedforsocialorreligiouspurposes),asmallmirrorwithasilverhandle,abroken,yetusefulivorycombandafewsilvervessels.‘Myfathergavethesetomeonmywedding,’saidmygrandmotherwithpride

inhervoice.Herfatherhadbeengonealongtime.Itookthekumkumboxinmyhandandstaredatit.Itwasaround-shapedbox

thatlookedlikeaminiaturepagoda.Iremovedthecoverandopeneditwithoutasecondthought.Therewerethreepartstoit—thefirstonecontainedhoneybeewax,thesecondwasasmallroundmirrorandatthebottomwasaspacetokeepthekumkum.Iwasfascinated.‘Avva,’Ibegan,alittlehesitant.‘Outofallyourgifts,Ilovethekumkumbharanithemost.WillyoupleasegivethistomewhenIgrowup?’‘Ihavethirteengrandchildren.Eachofthemmustgetsomething.ButIwill

keepthisforyou,’shesmiledassherepliedcandidly.

Later,shesatunhurriedlyinfrontofafull-lengthmirror,brushedherhair,woreanoseringandanine-yardgreenBanarasisariwithayellowblouse.Sheputonabigbindiandprettypearlearrings,anddecoratedherhandswithgreenglassbanglesandtwogoldones.Thenshecircledherbunwithflowers.SheperfectlyfittheimageofanelderlywomanfromnorthKarnataka.‘Avva,thereisnofestivaltoday.Whyareyoudresseduplikethis?Areyou

goingsomewhere?’Iasked.‘Iamgoingoutforlunchandyouaregoingtocomewithme.Getready

quickly.’WhenIpausedforafewmoments,sheadded,‘Don’tworryaboutyour

afternoonclass.Yourteacherisalsocomingthere.’Inthevillageschool,thiskindofadjustmentwasnotunusual.Sometimes,we

gotadayoffinthemiddleoftheweekanditwascompensatedforonaSunday.Thingsweremorefluidandlifewassimple,andIwasbutabudfloweringinthisforestofmyown.Ididn’tneedtobetoldasecondtime.Iwashappyatthethoughtofattending

alunchpartyandrantochangemyclothes.Eveninthosedays,Inevertookmorethanafewminutestogetready.Avvawasn’tusuallyatalkativeperson,butshewasinagoodmoodthatday.

Asmygrandfatherwasn’tinclinedtoaccompanyherforsuchfunctions,shetoldherhusband,‘IamgoingoutforlunchtoIndira’shousetoday.Ihavekeptyourmealcoveredwithaplantainleaf.Pleasehaveitassoonaspossible.’Mygrandfather,whomIaffectionatelycalledShiggaonKaka,noddedand

continuedreadingthenewspaper.Withinminutes,westeppedoutandstartedwalkingtowardsIndiraAjji’s

house.‘What’stheoccasion?’Iasked.‘MyfriendIndirahascomebackfromVaranasiandhasinvitedallofusfor

lunch.ItisawonderfulcelebrationcalledKashiSamaradhane.’‘Whatisthat?IfIndiraAjjihasreturnedfromavisit,thenwhydowehaveto

celebrateit?Isn’titlikegoingtoHubliorGadagandcomingback?Wedon’thaveanypartyorcelebrationthen!’Avvasighed.‘ThereisalotofdifferencebetweengoingtoKashiandgoingto

Hubli.Kashiisoneofthemostsacredplacesonearth.TheriverGangaflows

there.ItisbelievedthatLordVishwanath,theLordoftheuniverse,residesthereandgivesboonstoeveryone.Itishisfavouriteplaceontheplanet.Thereareeightyghatstobatheinthere.ThousandsofSanskritscholarsliveinthecity.ThesarithatIamwearingtodayisknownasaBanarasisari.Ifyougetsuchasariasaweddinggift,itisconsideredtobeveryluckyasitisfromtheholylandofKashi.’Iwasn’tfullyconvinced.‘Still,whyissuchalunchorganized?’Ipersisted,

despitemydesperatedesiretoeatthegoodiesatthecelebrationanyway.‘ItisnoteasytogotoKashi,nomatterhowrichordevotedyouare.Going

thereandcomingbackisanarduousjourney.Youhavetoswitchmanytrainsandbuses.First,peopletherespeakadifferentlanguagecalledHindi.Second,wedon’thaveanyrelativestoleanonordirectus.Third,itissocoldduringwinterthatyoucan’tevensubmergeyourfeetinthefreezingriver.Fourth,inthesummer,theheatmakesthegroundsoflaminghotthatyoucan’twalkbarefootforthepujas.Fifth,ifthelocalstherefindoutthatweareoutsiders,thenmoreoftenthannot,theytrytocheatus.TherearestoriesofpeoplegoingtoKashiwithoutevercomingback.Sowhensomeonereturns,weconsiderthemblessed.That’swhytheygiveusafeastandweexchangegifts.’‘Whatareyougoingtogive,Avva?’Iwascurious.Avvaopenedthebagthatshewascarrying.Therewasanicecottonsari

inside,alongwithplentyoffruitsandflowers.‘Andwhatwillshegiveus?’‘WewillgetaKashithreadandsomewaterfromtheGanga,bothofwhich

areprecious.WearthethreadonyourwristoryourneckeverydayandGodwillprotectyoufromdifficulties.’Thatwasgoodnewsindeed.IneededalltheprotectionIcouldgetformy

upcomingexaminations.‘Youareluckytogetitatsuchayoungage,’Avvasaid,assheincorrectly

interpretedthereasonformysmile.‘WhatdoestheKashithreadlooklike?’‘Well,itisasimpleknottedblackthread.KashiisprotectedbyBhairavnath,

whoisagreatandloyalservantofLordShiva.IfyougotoKashianddon’tseetheKaalBhairavtemple,youryatraorjourneyisconsideredincomplete.YouwillgetaKashithreadfromthere,whichyouhavetowearforBhairavnathto

protectyou.SincetheKashitripisdifficult,hewillaccompanyyouinhisinvisibleformuntilyoureachhomesafely.Thenherunsbacktoassistthenextdevotee,’finishedmygrandmother.‘Hmm,’Ithought.‘Whatifhehastohelpmorethanonepersonhome?’BeforeIcouldask,Avvaanswered,‘Iknowwhatyouaregoingtoaskme

now.Bhairavnathcanmultiplyhimselfasmanytimesashewantsto.’Soinstead,Iasked,‘WhatistheuseofthewaterfromtheGanga?’‘Sillygirl,howcanIeverdescribetheuseoftheholywater?’Shepattedmy

headaffectionately.‘TheGangaisthelifeofourcountry.Everybodywantstodrinktheholywater,butitisn’tpossibleforpeoplelikeuswholiveinsouthIndia.SowekeepafewspoonsofGangajal,theholywaterfromtheGanga,forwhoeverisinthelastdaysoftheirlifesothattheycangotoheaven.’‘Avva,’Iasked,‘ifKashiissoimportantandyoubelieveinitsomuch,then

Kakaandyoumustgothere.Iwillalsocomewithyou.’Avvaturnedthoughtful.‘IhaveneverventuredoutofKarnataka,’shesaid.

‘YouknowthatKakaandIavoideatinganythingwhenwetravel.IttakesatleasttendaystogotoKashi.Andit’sbettertotravelinagroupbecausewedon’tknowthelocallanguage.Itisdifficulttoformsuchagrouphere,andwearealsogettingold.Wedon’twanttofallsickonthewayandburdenthegroup.SogoingtoKashiwillmostlikelyremainadreamforme.ButIamhappythatIndirahasgonetherewithhercousins.AtleastIcanvisitherandlistentoherstories.’Atthetime,Ididn’tunderstandwhymygrandmotherhadsuchdevotionfor

thisholyland.Soon,wereachedIndiraAjji’shouse.Thewholeatmospherewasfestive.

Stumpsofbananatreesandmangoleavesweretiedtothesidesofthegate.Therewereplentyofflowerdecorationsallovertheplace.Anintricaterangolidesignwasdrawnonthefloorattheentrance.Iimmediatelyspottedmyclassmatesrunninghereandtherewithglee.Myteacherwasofferinghome-madedrinkstoallthechildren.OnonesidelayfiftypotscontainingGangajal.Allthepotshadblackthreadstiedaroundtheneck.Theywerepileduponatabledecoratedwithflowers.Asinglebananaleafwaslaidoutnearbywithallthedishes,thoughtherewasnoonesittingthere.Mymindracedtocountthenumberofdessertsontheleaf.

AvvaandIenteredthemainroom.Sincemygrandmotherwastheoldestpersonthereandquitepopulartoo,peopleseemedtobehappytoseeher.AvvaturnedtoIndira,‘YouaresoluckytohavevisitedKashi,bathedintheriverGangaandseenLordVishwanathinallhisglory.’IndiraAjjismiledgentlyandinvitedbothofustositdown.Peoplewere

gatheredaroundhertohearmoreabouthertrip.Somebodyasked,‘WhatdidyouthinkofthefamousAnnapoornatemple?’‘Itwasbeautiful,’shereplied.‘ItislocatedbeforeLordVishwanath’stemple

andistheonlytemplewhereShivaisbelievedtoaskforalmsandfoodfromhiswifewithhisbeggingbowl.Heissaidtoappearinthetempleonlyonafewspecialdays.’Aspeoplestartedaskingmorequestions,Ibecamebored.Slowly,Inudgedmygrandmother.Whensheturnedtolookatme,Ipointed

tothebananaleafandasked,‘Avva,whyisnobodysittingforlunchthere?Iamhungry.CanIgoeatthefood?’‘Don’teventhinkaboutit!ThatfoodisforBhairavnath.Hehasmuchworkto

doandhastomakethetripbacksoon.Butyoucanpraytohimifyouwant.’Ididn’tseeanyonesittingtherebutrememberedthathewassupposedtobe

invisible.SoIjoinedmyhandstogetherandprayedfacingtheleaf.Ashortwhilelater,weallhadadeliciouslunch.Onourwayback,mygrandmotherremarked,‘Isn’titwonderfultohearthat

IndiratookthreehandfulsofwaterfromtheriverGangaandsalutedtherisingsun?Itmustbesuchabeautifulsight.Sometimes,Ialsowishtodothesame.IhaveconvincedmyselfthattherivuletinourgardenisalsoanotherformoftheGangaandifIworshipher,itisasgoodasworshippingtheriverinKashi.’Itwaseveningbythetimewereachedhomeandfromadistance,Icouldsee

mygrandfathersittingintheverandah.KakawasmygoodfriendandIrantotellhimabouttheday.JustasIapproachedhim,hesmiledandasked,‘Didyourgrandmothertell

youaboutwhatyoumustleavebehindinKashi?’‘Whatareyoutalkingabout,Kaka?’‘Intheoldendays,thejourneytoKashitookmonthsandnotdays.Today,we

havetrainsandroadsbutthenpeoplehadtowalkandcrossforestsandfacedangersontheirway.Manydidnotmakeitbacktotheirhomes.EmperorAkbar

abolishedthejizyataxforentryintoVaranasiwhereasAurangzebreintroducedit.HencethejourneytoKashiwasexpensive.IfsomeonemadeittoKashisuccessfully,theywouldmakeanunusualvow—togiveupwhatevertheylovedthemostaftertakingthreehandfulsofwater,keepingLordSunasawitness.AwordgiventotheGangainsuchawayisconsideredunbreakableandoneisobligedtofulfilit.’IwasfascinatedandwaitedasKakatookadeepbreath.‘Therearecertainrulesthatyoumustfollow.’‘Whatrules?’‘Onecannotgiveupeatingrice,wheatflour,milk,lentils,gheeorjaggery.

Onecangiveupeatingonevegetableandonefruitthatfreelygrowsaroundtheirhometownorareaandadessertthattheylove.Soifyoulovejalebis,youcanvowtoabstainfromit,butyoucan’tgiveupsomethingthatyoudon’tlike,suchasbittergourd.Wheneveryouseewhatyouhavegivenup,itwillremindyouofKashi.’‘Thatisquitetough,Kaka!’Mygrandfathercontinuedasifhehadn’theardme,‘Ifahusbandandwifego

together,theycanchoosetogiveupthesamethings.Thatiseasyasitmeansthattheywon’thavetocookseparately.Butifahusbandandwifevisitindividuallyandchoosetoabstainfromdifferentthings,thenbothofthemmustleavewhatevertheotherhas,too.’Avva,meanwhile,reachedtheverandah.‘Thatsoundstoocomplicated!’Ithought.Outloud,Iasked,‘Isitveryhardto

leavewhatyoulike,Kaka?’‘Itdependsontheindividual.Ifyoudecidetofulfilyourvowwithyourheart

andsoul,thenthedesirefortheobjectgoesawaywithtimeandthatwayoflifesimplybecomesahabit.’‘WhatwillyouleaveifyougotoKashi?’Iaskedmischievously.‘IloveyourAvvaandthat’swhyIwillnevergotoKashi!’herepliedwitha

twinkleinhiseye.ThoughAvvawasold,shesuddenlybecameshyandquicklywalkedin.Inamoreserioustone,headded,‘Itisnotuptoustogothere.ItisLord

Vishwanath’swish.Hewillcalluswhenit’sourtime.’

Yearsflewbyandseasonswentpast.AvvadiedwithoutevergoingtoKashi.Shepassedawayonthedayshealwayswantedto—thedayofBhishmastamiorthedayBhishmadied.Itisbelievedthatthegatesofheavenareopenonthisday.IwasinPunethenandbythetimeIreachedHubli,Icouldonlyseeherashesandherpictureonthewall.MymemoryofAvvaremainedthatofanactive,cheerful,helpfulandaffectionatewoman.BasedonAvva’slastinstructions,myauntgavemethekumkumboxandI

preserveditlikeatreasureinanoldchest,butdidnotuseitasoftenasshedidbecausebythen,stickerbindishadinvadedtheIndianmarket.Astimewentby,Istartedreadingextensivelyandbecamecompletely

fascinatedwithBuddhism.Buddha’scompassionateheartmovedmeinwaysthatIcannotexpressandIunderstoodwhyhehadtakenthefamousmiddlepath.Buddhismisrepresentedbyawheelandtwodeer.Sarnath,theplacethathadplayedabigroleinBuddha’slifeandwastheplaceofhisfirstsermon,wasadeerparklocatedonlyafewkilometresawayfromVaranasi.IrealizedthenthatthecitygotitsnamefromtheriversVarunaandAssithatbothjointheriverGangaatthislocation.Itisbelievedtobeasacredlandsincetimeimmemorial.In629AD,whentheChinesetravellerHiuenTsangvisitedIndia,hedescribed

Varanasiingreatdetailalongwithadescriptionofitstemples,rivuletsandtherichnessofthesurroundings.IfeltanincreasingdesiretogotoKashiandyet,itsomehowbecamelowonmylistofprioritiesbecauseofworkandroutine.DuringthefestivalofDiwaliin1995,Ireceivedagiftintheformofabook

calledBanaras:CityofLightbyDianaL.Eck.Ikeptitaside,intendingtoreaditafterthewonderfulmadnessofthefestivalwasover.Thatyear,ourfamilydecidedtocelebratewithatraditionalaarti.Iwentto

mybedroomandopenedtheoldchest.Ibeganrummagingthroughittofindthesilverplateforthepuja.Suddenly,Isawthekumkumbox.ItwasastrongreminderofAvvaandIforgotabouttheplate.Gently,Itookouttheboxandrecalledthewaysheusedtowearherkumkum.IsawherdressingupforKashiSamaradhaneandrememberedhowwehadwalkedforthelunchtogether.Oh,howIusedtopesterhertogivemethetreasuredkumkumbharani!ShebelievedwholeheartedlyintheholinessofKashibutnevervisitedthecityorregrettedthemiss!Ithoughttomyself,‘GoingtoKashiisnottoughnow.Moreover,Ihave

Diana’sbookwithme.ItwillhelpmeunderstandthecitybetterbeforeIgo.MaybeIshoulddoitforthesakeofmygrandmother...’‘Areyoumeditatinginthere?’mymomcalledout,cuttingmythoughtsshort.

‘Everyoneiswaiting.’Ifoundthesilverplatequicklyandgaveittomymotheralongwiththe

kumkumbharani.‘Good,thisismymother’spreciouspossession.Itwillbeasifherspiritis

withusduringtheprayerstoday,’shesaid.Oncethefestiveseasonhadended,IbeganreadingDiana’sbook—a

masterpieceinitself.Itwas,infact,theauthor’sPhDthesisatHarvard.She,aforeigner,hadcometoIndiaandstayedhereforyearsstudyingaboutthereligiousplacesinourcountry.AndhereIwas,doingnothing!Ifeltashamedofmyself.ThebookinspiredmetogettoKashiassoonasIcould,ifonlytosatisfymychildhoodcuriosityandmygrandmother’sdesire.InFebruary1996,Imanagedtofindmywaythereallbymyself.Istayedina

hotelandhadthedarshanofLordVishwanath,whosetemplewasinacornerofthecity.Hewasworshippedusingthethree-leavedBilva(LordShiva’stree)patrasandconstantlybathedbyhisdevoteeswhogatheredthere.Thereweresecuritygunmen,abarbedwirefenceandtheGyanvapimosquenearthetemple.ThedifferentimageoftheplaceIhadinmyminddisappointedmealittle,butIwasamazedbythefaithofthepeopleofvariedageswhohadcomefromalloverthecountry.Oncethatwasdone,IwenttoseetheManikarnikaghat,wheredeadbodies

arecrematedeverydayandalmostendlessly.ThestrongbeliefthatdyinginKashiisagatewaytoheavenhasnotchangedevenwiththeincreaseinliteracyandthechangingculture.Ivisitedsomemoreghatsandwastakenabackbytheamountofdirtinthisholycity.IalsovisitedtheBanarasHinduUniversitythatwasestablishedsingle-handedlybyMadanMohanMalaviya,andbeautifulmuseumsdepictingHindustaniragasthroughenchantingpaintings.Iwalkedtonumeroustemples,smallandbig,includingthetemplesof

AnnapoornaDevi,BhairavnathandthefamousHanumantemplenamedSankatMochan,wherethemonkeysoutnumberedthedevotees.Thoughplentyofblackthreadswerebeingsoldaroundme,Ididn’tbuyanybecauseIhadgrownoutof

thebelief.TheholyGangawaterwasabundantandupforsaleindifferentvolumes,shapesandsizes.Eventoday,thewaterisconsideredholy.InthesmalllanesofKashi,Iwanderedaround,aimlessandhappyinthe

moment.Thebeautifulviewsandtheprettysariscaughtmyeye.Whatagorgeousinventionthesariis—ararecombinationofthecloth-tyingmethodoftheGreeks,theRomansandourown.WheneverItravelabroad,Icomeacrosspeoplewhoarefascinatedwiththeborder,therichness,thezariandthepallu,whichautomaticallybestowsaroyalappearancetowhoeverwearsit.KashiboastsofuniqueBanarasisariswhichhavechangedovertheyearsbut

stillremainattractive.Iplannedtobuyafewsarisformyself—apastel-colouredone,abrightonesuitableforeveningwearandadarkgreensariliketheoneAvvahad.Thesellerscalledouttomeandtheotherpassers-by.Iabsolutelylovedshoppingforsaris.ButthenIchangedmymind.‘Whatwasthehurry?IwillshoptomorrowafterIhaveseenmore,’Ithought.SoIwentaboutdoingsomewindowshopping.ThenIwentbacktotheghatsandfinallyreachedthebusyDashashwamedh

ghat.Thecrowdwaspreparingfortheeveningaarti.Iglancedatthetourists—theyseemedtocomenotjustfromdifferentstatesbutalsofromdifferentcountries.Theyweresmilingandtakingpicturesoftheirsurroundings.Thedirt,thesmalllanesandtheclaustrophobicclosenessofitalldidnotseemtobotherthem.Thesadhuswereinhalf-meditationandmostofthedevoteeswerepreparingfortheirdipinthewater.Iwastempted.‘Whycan’tIbatheintheGangatoo?MaybeIcanalsoofferthreehandfulsofwatertotheGangaandcompletemyKashiexperience.’Ilookedaroundandthedirtsuddenlygavemesecondthoughts.Ididn’twant

totakeadipthere.Asifitwasmeanttobe,IrememberedanoldfriendAjaywholivedneartheGaighat.MaybeIcouldaskhimiftherewasacleanerandlesscrowdedspotmoresuitableforme.SoIlocatedalandlinenearbyandphonedhim.ItwasobviousthatAjaywas

upsetbecauseIhadn’tinformedhimofmyvisit.HegavemestrictinstructionstoremainwhereIwasandwithinafewminutes,hearrivedonhisscooter.‘Whyareyoustayinginahotelwhenyouhaveafriendinthesamecity?You

mustmovetomyhomeimmediately,’heinsisted.Iagreed.Ihadnoreasontorefusehiswarmhospitality.

Ishiftedtohishaveli.Threefamilieslivedinthemansion.Eachfamilyhadaseparatekitchenandlivedintheirownsectionsofthehugehome.Ajay’ssideofthehomehadaviewoftheGangawiththeeveninglightsshiningbrightlyasfarasIcouldsee.Hiswife,Nishi,entertainedmewithdeliciousKashisweets,sumptuousfood

andpaan.Later,hetookmetoaHindustanimusicconcertandspokeaboutthegreatmusiciansofKashisuchasBismillahKhanandRaviShankarandhowthecitywasalsoaplaceformusiclovers.Thecity,thoughdirty,wasthrivingwithlifeandculture.Atdawn,IfoundmyselfattheGaighatreadyforthedip.Isataloneonthe

stepsandthenimmersedmyselfinthewatertillmyshoulderblades.Thecoldnesstookmebysurpriseandittookafewminutesformybodytoadjusttothisnewtemperature.ItooksomewaterinmypalmsandmymindinstantlywentbacktoAvva.

Thereshewas—wearingthegreensariandtheyellowblouse,lookingatmewithloveandtellingmeaboutthethreehandfulsofwaterfromtheGanga.IsawKakasittingontheverandahduringsunset,tellingmehowitwasLordVishwanathwhodecidedwhenanindividualvisitedKashi.HowmyoldgrandparentshadlovedthecityandtheriverGanga!Tearssprangtomyeyes.Iwasblessedtohavegrandparentswhowerecontentandhadsuchstrongbeliefs.‘ItissoeasytovisitKashinow,’Ithought.‘ItookaflightfromBengaluruto

DelhiandthentoVaranasiandreachedinamerefivehours.’Now,therewasnoKashiSamaradhaneorthecustomarydistributionoftheholywaterortheblackthread.Nobodyhadthetimeortheinclination.Ilookedattherisingsunandwasbroughtbacktothepresentmoment.Itook

thefirsthandfulofwaterandsaidtomyself,‘OGanga,withthesunasthewitness,Igivethiswateronbehalfofmygrandparents.Maytheirsoulsrestinpeaceandbehappywherevertheyarerightnow.’IfeltrelievedandknewthatIhadfulfilledmygrandparents’desireeven

thoughtheyhadnevertoldmetodoso.ThenIcuppedsomemorewaterandsaidoutloud,‘OGanga,withthesunas

thewitness,youarethelifelineofourcountry.Youhaveseentheriseandfallofmanykingdomsonyourbanks.Iamgratefulandproudtobelongtothisland.

Mayyoucontinuetoflourish.ThereisnothingthatIcangiveyoubutthishandfulofwater.’Withthethirdhandful,Irememberedmygrandfather’swords,‘Giveupwhat

youlovethemost.’‘WhatshouldIdetachmyselffrom?’Iwondered.Ilovedlife,colours,shapes,

nature,music,artforms,readingandshopping,especiallyforsaris.MyselectionofearthycolourswaspopularandIlovedobservingthechangesinsaridesignsovertheyears.‘Well,ifthecityofKashidemandswhatIlovethemost,thenwiththesunasthewitness,Igiveupallkindsofshoppingfromthisdayon,exceptforessentialslikefood,medicine,travel,booksandmusic.IwilldosountilthedayIamnolongerinthisworld,’Isaidandcompletedtheritual.Slowly,IreleasedthewaterfrommypalmsbacktotheGanga.Somewhereoutthere,itfeltlikemygrandfatherhadjustsmiled.Afew

minuteslater,Iwadedoutofthewaterandsatonthestepswithatowelwrappedaroundme.Sotherewouldbenomoreappreciationofmysarichoicesandnoneofmy

friendswouldcallmeforweddingshopping.IwasworriedifIwouldbeabletosticktomyvowsinceIhadplannedtobuysaristhatdayinKashi.IwonderedifIhadchosentogiveupshoppingonthespurofthemomentorifitwaspre-plannedsomehow.Tothisday,Idon’tknow.Igotup,changedmyclothes,tookoutthekumkumpowderfromAvva’s

bharaniandputabitonmyforehead.Thatwastwentyyearsago.Thetruthisthatthevowturnedouttobeagatewaytofreedom.Thedesireto

acquirehasvanishedovertime.Onceayear,afewknownfriendsandsistersgavemesarisoftheirchoiceandIcontinuedtowearthemhappilyforalongtimebutastheyearsflewby,Ilostinterestinthattoo,andrequestedthemnottogiftmeanything.Thatlasthandfulofwaterhadchangedmylifeforever.

5CattleClass

Lastyear,IwasattheHeathrowInternationalAirportinLondonabouttoboardaflight.Usually,IwearasarievenwhenIamabroad,butIpreferwearingasalwarkameezwhiletravelling.SothereIwas—aseniorcitizendressedintypicalIndianapparelattheterminalgate.Sincetheboardinghadn’tstarted,Isatdownandbegantoobservemy

surroundings.TheflightwasboundforBengaluruandsoIcouldhearpeoplearoundmechattinginKannada.Isawmanyoldmarriedcouplesofmyage—theyweremostlikelycomingbackfromtheUSorUKafterhelpingtheirchildreneitherthroughchildbirthoranewhome.IsawsomeBritishbusinessexecutivestalkingtoeachotheraboutIndia’sprogress.Someteenagerswerebusywiththegadgetsintheirhandswhiletheyoungerchildrenwerecryingorrunningaboutthegate.Afterafewminutes,theboardingannouncementwasmadeandIjoinedthe

queue.Thewomaninfrontofmewasawell-groomedladyinanIndo-Westernsilkoutfit,aGuccihandbagandhighheels.Everysinglestrandofherhairwasinplaceandafriendstoodnexttoherinanexpensivesilksari,pearlnecklace,matchingearringsanddelicatediamondbangles.IlookedatthevendingmachinenearbyandwonderedifIshouldleavethe

queuetogetsomewater.Suddenly,thewomaninfrontofmeturnedsidewaysandlookedatmewith

whatseemedlikepityinhereyes.Extendingherhand,sheasked,‘MayIseeyourboardingpass,please?’Iwasabouttohandovermypasstoher,butsinceshedidn’tseemlikean

airlineemployee,Iasked,‘Why?’

airlineemployee,Iasked,‘Why?’‘Well,thislineismeantforbusinessclasstravellersonly,’shesaid

confidentlyandpointedherfingertowardstheeconomyclassqueue.‘Youshouldgoandstandthere,’shesaid.IwasabouttotellherthatIhadabusinessclassticketbutonsecondthoughts,

heldback.IwantedtoknowwhyshehadthoughtthatIwasn’tworthyofbeinginthebusinessclass.SoIrepeated,‘WhyshouldIstandthere?’Shesighed.‘Letmeexplain.Thereisabigdifferenceinthepriceofan

economyandabusinessclassticket.Thelattercostsalmosttwoandahalftimesmorethan...’‘Ithinkitisthreetimesmore,’herfriendinterrupted.‘Exactly,’saidthewoman.‘Sotherearecertainprivilegesthatareassociated

withabusinessclassticket.’‘Really?’Idecidedtobemischievousandpretendednottoknow.‘Whatkind

ofprivilegesareyoutalkingabout?’Sheseemedannoyed.‘Weareallowedtobringtwobagsbutyoucanonly

takeone.Wecanboardtheflightfromanother,less-crowdedqueue.Wearegivenbettermealsandseats.Wecanextendtheseatsandliedownflatonthem.Wealwayshavetelevisionscreensandtherearefourwashroomsforasmallnumberofpassengers.’Herfriendadded,‘Aprioritycheck-infacilityisavailableforourbags,which

meanstheywillcomefirstuponarrivalandwegetmorefrequentflyermilesforthesameflight.’‘Nowthatyouknowthedifference,youcangototheeconomyline,’insisted

thewoman.‘ButIdon’twanttogothere.’Iwasfirm.Theladyturnedtoherfriend.‘Itishardtoarguewiththesecattle-class

people.Letthestaffcomeandinstructherwheretogo.Sheisn’tgoingtolistentous.’Ididn’tgetangry.Theword‘cattleclass’waslikeablastfromthepastand

remindedmeofanotherincident.Oneday,IhadgonetoanupscaledinnerpartyinmyhomecityofBengaluru.

Plentyoflocalcelebritiesandsocialiteswereinattendance.IwasspeakingtosomeguestsinKannada,whenamancametomeandsaidveryslowlyandclearlyinEnglish,‘MayIintroducemyself?Iam...’ItwasobviousthathethoughtthatImighthaveaproblemunderstandingthe

ItwasobviousthathethoughtthatImighthaveaproblemunderstandingthelanguage.Ismiled.‘YoucanspeaktomeinEnglish.’‘Oh,’hesaid,slightlyflabbergasted.‘I’msorry.Ithoughtyouweren’t

comfortablewithEnglishbecauseIheardyouspeakinginKannada.’‘There’snothingshamefulinknowingone’snativelanguage.Itis,infact,my

rightandmyprivilege.IonlyspeakinEnglishwhensomebodycan’tunderstandKannada.’ThelineinfrontofmeattheairportbeganmovingforwardandIcameoutof

myreverie.Thetwowomenaheadwerewhisperingamongthemselves,‘Nowshewillbesenttotheotherline.Itissolongnow!Wetriedtotellherbutsherefusedtolistentous.’Whenitwasmyturntoshowmyboardingpasstotheattendant,Isawthem

stopandwaitashortdistanceaway,waitingtoseewhatwouldhappen.Theattendanttookmyboardingpassandsaidbrightly,‘Welcomeback!Wemetlastweek,didn’twe?’‘Yes,’Ireplied.Shesmiledandmovedontothenexttraveller.Iwalkedafewstepsaheadofthewomenintendingtoletthisgo,butthenI

changedmymindandcameback.‘Pleasetellme—whatmadeyouthinkthatIcouldn’taffordabusinessclassticket?EvenifIdidn’thaveone,wasitreallyyourprerogativetotellmewhereIshouldstand?DidIaskyouforhelp?’Thewomenstaredatmeinsilence.‘Yourefertotheterm“cattleclass”.Classdoesnotmeanpossessionofahuge

amountofmoney,’Icontinued,unabletostopmyselffromgivingthemapieceofmymind.‘Thereareplentyofwrongwaystoearnmoneyinthisworld.Youmayberichenoughtobuycomfortandluxuries,butthesamemoneydoesn’tdefineclassorgiveyoutheabilitytopurchaseit.MotherTeresawasaclassywoman.SoisManjulBhargava,agreatmathematicianofIndianorigin.Theconceptthatyouautomaticallygainclassbyacquiringmoneyisanoutdatedthoughtprocess.’Ileftwithoutwaitingforareply.Approximatelyeighthourslater,Ireachedmydestination.Itwasaweekday

andIrushedtoofficeassoonasIcouldonlytolearnthatmydaywasgoingto

bespentinmultiplemeetings.Afewhourslater,IrequestedmyprogramdirectortohandlethelastmeetingofthedaybyherselfasIwasalreadystartingtofeeltiredandjetlagged.‘Iamreallysorry,butyourpresenceisessentialforthatdiscussion,’she

replied.‘Ourmeetingiswiththeorganization’sCEOandsheiskeentomeetyouinperson.ShehasbeenfollowingupwithmeforafewmonthsnowandthoughIhavecommunicatedourdecision,shefeelsthatadiscussionwithyouwillchangetheoutcome.Ihavealreadyinformedherthatthedecisionwillnotbereversedirrespectiveofwhomshemeets,butsherefusestotakemeatmyword.Iurgeyoutomeetherandclosethischapter.’Iwasn’tnewtothissituationandreluctantlyagreed.Timewentbyquicklyandsoon,Ihadtogoinforthelastmeetingoftheday.

Justthen,Ireceivedanemergencycall.‘Goaheadwiththemeeting,’Isaidtotheprogramdirector.‘Iwilljoinyou

later.’WhenIenteredtheconferenceroomafterfifteenminutes,Isawthesame

womenfromtheairportinthemiddleofapresentation.Tomysurprise,theyweresimplydressed—onewaswearingasimplekhadisariwhiletheotherworeanunglamoroussalwarkameez.Theclotheswereareminderofthestereotypethatisstillrampanttoday.Justlikeoneisexpectedtowearthefinestofsilksforawedding,socialworkersmustpresentthemselvesinaplainanduninterestingmanner.Whentheysawme,therewasanawkwardpausethatlastedforonlyafewsecondsbeforeoneofthemacknowledgedmypresenceandcontinuedthepresentationasifnothinghadhappened.‘Mycoffeeestateisinthisvillage.Alltheestateworkers’childrengotoa

governmentschoolnearby.Manyaresharpandintelligentbuttheschoolhasnofacilities.Thebuildingdoesn’tevenhavearooforcleandrinkingwater.Therearenobenches,toiletsorlibrary.Youcanseechildrenintheschool...’‘Butnoteachers,’Icompletedthesentence.Shenoddedandsmiled.‘Werequestthefoundationtobegenerousand

providetheschoolwithproperfacilities,includinganauditorium,sothatthepoorkidscanenjoytheessentialsofabigschool.’Myprogramdirectoropenedhermouthtosaysomething,butIsignalledher

tostop.‘Howmanychildrenarethereintheschool?’Iasked.

‘Howmanychildrenarethereintheschool?’Iasked.‘Around250.’‘Howmanyofthemarethechildrenoftheestateworkers?’‘Allofthem.MyfathergottheschoolsanctionedwhenhewastheMLA,’she

saidproudly.‘Ourfoundationhelpsthosewhodon’thaveanygodfathersorgodmothers.

Thinkofthehomelessmanontheroadorthedaily-wageworker.Mostofthemhavenoonetheycanruntointimesofcrisis.Wehelpthechildrenofsuchpeople.Theestateworkershelpyourbusinessprosperandinreturn,youcanaffordtohelpthem.Infact,itisyourdutytodoso.Helpingthemalsohelpsyouinthelongrun,butitisthefoundation’sinternalpolicytoworkforthedisadvantagedinprojectswhereallthebenefitsgodirectlyandsolelytotheunderprivilegedalone.Maybethisconceptisbeyondtheunderstandingofthecattleclass.’Boththewomenlookedateachother,unsureofhowtorespond.Ilookedatmyprogramdirectorandsaid,‘Hey,Iwanttotellyouastory.’Icouldseefromherfacethatshewasfeelingawkward.Astoryinthemiddle

ofaseriousmeeting?Ibegan,‘GeorgeBernardShawwasagreatthinkerofhistimes.Oneday,a

dinnerwasarrangedataBritishclubinhishonour.Therulesoftheclubmandatedthatthemenwearasuitandatie.Itwasprobablythedefinitionofclassinthosedays.‘BernardShaw,beingwhohewas,walkedintotheclubinhisusualcasual

attire.Thedoormanlookedathimandsaidverypolitely,“Sorry,sir,Icannotallowyoutoenterthepremises.”‘“Whynot?”‘“Youaren’tfollowingthedresscodeoftheclub,sir.”‘“Well,today’sdinnerisinmyhonour,soitismywordsthatmatter,notwhat

Iwear,”repliedBernard,perfectlyreasonableinhisexplanation.‘“Sir,whateveritmaybe,Ican’tallowyouinsideintheseclothes.”‘Shawtriedtoconvincethedoormanbuthewouldn’tbudgefromhisstance.

Sohewalkedallthewaybacktohishouse,changedintoappropriateclothesandenteredtheclub.‘Ashortwhilelater,theroomwasfull,withpeoplesittinginanticipationof

hisspeech.Hestooduptoaddresstheaudience,butfirstremovedhiscoatand

tieandplaceditonachair.“Iamnotgoingtotalktoday,”heannounced.‘Thereweresurprisedmurmursintheaudience.Thosewhoknewhim

personallyaskedhimaboutthereasonforhisout-of-characterbehaviour.‘Shawnarratedtheincidentthathappenedawhileagoandsaid,“WhenIwore

acoatandtie,Iwasallowedtocomeinside.MymindisinnowayaffectedbytheclothesIwear.Thismeansthattoallofyouwhopatronizetheclub,theclothesaremoreimportantthanmybrain.Soletthecoatandthetietakemyplaceinstead.”‘Sayingthus,hewalkedoutoftheroom.’Istoodup.‘Themeetingisover,’Isaid.Weexchangedcursorygoodbyesand

Iwalkedbacktomyroom.Myprogramdirectorfollowedme,‘Yourdecisionregardingtheschoolwas

right.Butwhatwasthatotherstoryallabout?Andwhynow?Whatisthiscattle-classbusiness?Ididn’tunderstandathing!’Ismiledatherobviousconfusion.‘Onlythecattle-classfolkswillunderstand

whathappenedbackthere.Youdon’tworryaboutit.’

6ALifeUnwritten

Itwastheyear1943.MyfatherwasayoungmedicaldoctorpostedinasmalldispensaryinavillageknownasChandagad,locatedontheborderofthetwostatesofMaharashtraandKarnataka.Itrainedcontinuouslyforeightmonthsthereandtheonlyactivityduringtheremainingfourmonthswastreecutting.Itwasalesser-knownandthinlypopulatedvillagesurroundedbyathickandenormousforest.SinceBritishofficerscametohuntinthejungle,asmallclinicwassetuptherefortheirconvenience.Noneofthevillagerswenttherebecausetheypreferredusingthelocalmedicinesandplants.Sotherewasnobodyintheclinicexceptmyfather.Withinaweekofhistransferthere,myfatherstartedgettingbored.Hewas

uprootedfromthelivelycityofPunetothisslowandsilentvillagewherethereseemedtobenopeopleatall!Hehadnocontactwiththeoutsideworld—hisonlycompanionwasthecalendaronthewall.Sometimes,hewouldgoforawalkoutsidebutwhenheheardtheroarofthetigersinthejunglenearby,hewouldgetscaredandwalkbacktotheclinicasfastashecould.Itwasnowonderthenthathewastooafraidtostepoutatnightbecauseofthesnakesthatwereoftenseenslitheringontheground.Onewintermorning,heheardheavybreathingoutsidehismaindoorand

bravelydecidedtopeepthroughthewindow.Hesawatigressstretchingandyawningintheverandahwithhercubsbyherside.Paralysedwithfear,myfatherdidnotopenthedoortheentireday.Onanotherday,heopenedthewindowonlytofindsnakeshangingfromtheroofinfrontofhishouse—almostlikeropes.Myfatherwonderedifhewastransferredtothevillageasaformof

Myfatherwonderedifhewastransferredtothevillageasaformofpunishmentforsomethinghemayhavedone.Buttherewasnothingthathecoulddotochangethesituation.Onenight,hefinishedanearlydinnerandbeganreadingabookinthelightof

akerosenelamp.Itwasrainingheavilyoutside.Suddenly,heheardaknockonthedoor.‘Whocoulditbe?’hewondered.Whenheopenedit,hesawfourmenwrappedinwoollenrugswithsticksin

theirhands.TheysaidtohiminMarathi,‘DoctorSahib,takeyourbagandcomewithusimmediately.’MyfatherbarelyunderstoodtheirrusticMarathi.Heprotested.‘Buttheclinic

isclosedandlookatthetime!’Themenwereinnomoodtolisten—theypushedhimandloudlydemanded

thatheaccompanythem.Quietly,myfatherpickeduphisbagandfollowedthemlikealambtothebullockcartwaitingforthem.Thepouringrainandthemoonlessnightdisorientedhimandwhilehedidn’tknowwheretheyweretakinghim,hesensedthatthedrivemighttakesometime.Usingallthecouragehehadleft,heasked,‘Whereareyoutakingme?’Therewasnoreply.Itwasafewhoursbeforetheyreachedtheirdestinationandthebullockcart

cametoacompletehalt.Inthelightofakerosenelamp,somebodyescortedthem.Myfathernoticedthepaddyfieldsaroundhimandinthemiddleofitall,hesawahouse.Theminutehesetfootinthehouse,afemalevoicesaid,‘Come,come.Thepatientishereinthisroom.’Forthefirsttimesincehehadcometothevillage,myfatherfeltthathecould

finallyputhismedicalexpertisetogooduse.Thepatientwasayounggirl,approximatelysixteenyearsold.Anoldladywasstandingnearthegirlwhowasobviouslyinlabour.Myfatherturnedpale.Hewentbacktotheotherroomandtoldherfamily,‘Look,Ihaven’tbeentrainedindeliveringababyandIamamaledoctor.Youmustcallsomeoneelse.’Butthefamilyrefusedtolisten.‘That’snotanoption.Youmustdowhat

needstobedoneandwewillpayyouhandsomely,’theyinsisted.‘Thebabymaybedeliveredaliveordeadbutthegirlmustbesaved.’Myfatherpleadedwiththem.‘Please,Iamnotinterestedinthemoney.Let

megonow.’

Themencameclose,shovedhiminsidethepatient’sroomandlockedthedoorfromoutside.Myfatherbecameafraid.Heknewhehadnochoice.Hehadobservedandassistedinafewdeliveriesundertheguidanceofhismedicalcollegeprofessors,butnothingmore.Nervously,hestartedrecallinghislimitedpastexperienceandtheoreticalknowledgeashismedicalinstinctskickedin.Therewasnotableintheroom.Sohesignalledtheoldlady,whoappearedto

bedeafanddumb,tohelphimsetupamakeshifttablewiththesacksofpaddygrainsaroundthem.Thenmyfatherextractedarubbersheetfromhisbagandlaiditoutneatlyontopofthesacks.Heaskedthegirltoliedownonitandinstructedtheoldladytoboilwaterand

sterilizehisinstruments.Bythen,thecontractionhadpassed.Thegirlwassweatingprofuselyandthedoctorevenmore.Shelookedathimwithbiginnocent,tearyeyesandslowlybegan,‘Don’tsaveme.Idon’twanttomakeitthroughthenight.’‘Whoareyou?’‘Iamthedaughterofabigzamindarhere,’shesaidinasoftvoice.Therain

outsidemadeithardforhimtohearher.‘Sincetherewasnohighschoolinourvillage,myparentsletmestudyinadistanttown.There,Ifellinlovewithoneofmyclassmates.Atfirst,Ididn’tknowthatIwaspregnant,butonceIfoundout,Itoldthebaby’sfatherwhoimmediatelyranaway.Bythetimemyparentslearntofwhathadhappened,itwastoolatetodoanything.That’swhytheysentmeheretothisgodforsakenplacewherenobodywouldfindout.’Shestoppedasastrongcontractionhither.Afterafewminutes,shesaid,‘Doctor,Iamsurethatoncethebabyisborn,

myfamilywillkillthechildandbeatmeviolently.’Thenshegrabbedmyfather’sarmsasmoretearsgatheredinhereyes,‘Pleasedon’ttrytosavethebabyorme.Justleavemealonehereandletmedie.That’sallIwant.’Atfirst,myfatherdidn’tknowhowtorespond.Thenhesaidtoherasgently

ashecould,‘IamadoctorandIcan’tletapatientdiewhenIknowthatIcandosomethingtosavehimorher.Youmustn’tdiscouragemefromdoingmyduty.’Thegirlfellsilent.Thelabourwashard,scaryandlongandfinally,myfathermanagedtodeliver

thebabysuccessfullywiththeassistanceoftheoldlady.Theyounggirlwas

exhaustedandsweatyattheendoftheordeal.Sheclosedhereyesindespairanddidn’tevenasktoseethebaby.Hesitantly,sheasked,‘Isitaboyoragirl?’‘It’sagirl,’repliedmyfather,whiletryingtocheckthebaby’svitals.‘OhmyGod!It’sagirl!’shecried.‘Herlifewillbejustlikemine—underthe

cruelpressureofthemeninthefamily.Andshedoesn’tevenhaveafather!’Shebegansobbingloudly.Butmyfatherwasbusywiththebabyandbarelyheardher.Suddenly,thegirlrealizedthatsomethingwaswrong,‘Doctor,whyisn’tthe

babycrying?’Whenshedidn’tgetareply,shecontinued,‘Iwillbehappyifshedoesn’tsurvive.Shewillbesparedfromacursedlife.’Myfatherheldthebabyupsidedown,gentlyslappedherandinstantly,the

baby’sstrongcriesfilledtheroom.Whenthemenoutsideheardthebabycry,theyopenedthedoorandinstructedhim,‘Doctor,getreadytoleave.Wewilldropyouback.’Myfathercleaneduphispatient,gatheredhisinstrumentsandpackedhisbag.

Theoldladybegancleaningtheroom.Helookedatthetroubledyounggirlandsaid,‘Takethebabyandrunawayfromthisplaceifyoucanfinditinyourhearttodoso.GotoPuneandlookforPuneNursingSchool.FindaclerktherecalledGokhaleandtellhimthatRHhassentyou.Hewillhelpyougetadmissioninanursingcourse.Intime,youwillbecomeanurseandleadanindependentlife,withtheabilitytotakecareofyourownneeds.Raiseyourdaughterwithpride.Don’tyoudareleaveherbehindorelseshewillendupsufferinglikeyou.That’smymostsincereadviceforyou.’‘But,doctor,howwillIgotoPune?Idon’tevenknowwhereitis!’‘GotothenearestcityofBelgaumandthenfromthere,youcantakeabusto

Pune.’Myfathersaidgoodbyetoherandcameoutoftheroom.Anoldmanhandedhimonehundredrupees.‘Doctor,theseareyourfeesfor

helpingthegirlwiththedelivery.Iwarnyou—don’tsayawordaboutwhathappenedheretoday.Ifyoudo,Iwilllearnofitandyourheadwillnolongerbeattachedtotherestofyourbody.’Myfathernodded,suddenlyovertakenbyasenseofcalm.‘I’msorry,’he

said.‘IthinkIforgotmyscissorsintheroom.Iwillneedittomorrowattheclinic.’

Heturnedaroundandwentbackinsideandsawtheyounggirlgazingatthesleepingnewbornwithtearsinhereyes.Whentheoldlady’sbackwasturnedtowardshim,myfatherhandedoverthemoneytothegirl.‘ThisisallIhavewithmerightnow,’hesaid.‘UseitanddowhatIhavetoldyou.’‘Doctor,whatisyourname?’sheasked.‘MynameisDrR.H.Kulkarni,butalmosteveryonecallsmeRH.Bebrave,

child.Goodbyeandgoodluck.’Myfatherlefttheroomandthehouse.Thereturnjourneywasequallyrough

andhefinallyreachedhomeatdawn.Hewasdeadtiredandsoon,sleeptookover.Thenextmorning,hismindwanderedbacktohisfirstpatientinthevillageandhisfirstearning.Hebecameawareofhisshortcomingsandwishedhewasbetterqualifiedingynaecology.However,hiscurrentshortageoffundsmadehimpostponethedreamforanotherday.Afewmonthslater,hegotmarriedandsharedhisdreamofbecominga

gynaecologistwithhiswife.Timepassedquickly.HewastransferredtodifferentplacesinMaharashtra

andKarnatakaandhadfourchildrenalongtheway.Bythetimeheturnedforty-two,thecouplehadcarefullysavedenoughmoneyforfurthereducationandmyfatherdecidedtopursuehisdesire.SohelefthisfamilyinHubliandjoinedEgmoreMedicalCollegeinChennai,andfulfilledhisdreamofbecomingagynaecologistsurgeon.Hewasoneofthefewraremalegynaecologistsatthetime.HewentbacktoHubliandstartedworkinginKarnatakaMedicalCollegeasa

professor.Hissympatheticmannertowardstheunderprivilegedandhisgenuineconcernforthewomenandgirlshetreatedmadehimquitepopular—bothasadoctorandasateacher.Thesameconcernreflectedinhisliberalattitudetowardshisdaughtersandheallowedthemtopursuetheirchosenfieldsofeducation,whichwasunheardofinthosedays.Myfatherwasanatheist.‘Goddoesn’tresideinachurch,mosqueortemple,’

hewouldoftensay.‘Iseehiminallmypatients.Ifawomandiesduringchildbirth,thenitisthelossofonepatientforadoctorbutforthatchild,itisthelifelonglossofamother.Andtellme,whocanreplaceamother?’Despitehisretirement,myfather’sloveforlearningdidnotdiminishandhe

remainedactive.

Oneday,hewentforamedicalconferencetoanothercity.There,hemetayoungwomaninherthirties.Shewaspresentingcasesfromherexperienceintheruralareas.Myfatherfoundherworkinterestingandwenttotellhersoafterthepresentation.‘Doctor,yourresearchisexcellent.Iamquiteimpressedbyyourwork,’hesaid.‘Thankyou,’shesaid.Justthen,someonecalledouttomyfather,‘RH,wearewaitingforyouto

grabsomelunch.Willyoutakelong?’Theyoungwomanasked,‘Whatisyourname,doctor?’‘DrR.H.Kulkarni,orRH.’Afteramomentofsilence,sheasked,‘WereyouinChandagadin1943?’‘Yes.’‘Doctor,Iliveinavillagearoundfortykilometresawayfromhere.MayI

requestyoutocomehomerightnowforabriefvisit?’Myfatherwasunpreparedforsuchaninvitation.Whywasshecallinghimto

herhouse?‘Maybesomeothertime,doctor,’hereplied,hopingtoendthematter.Butthewomanwaspersistent,‘Youmustcome.Please.Thinkofthisasa

requestfromsomeonewhohasbeenwaitingforyouforyearsnow.’Myfatherwaspuzzledbyherenigmaticanswerandstillrefused,butshe

pleadedwithhim.Therewassomethinginhereyes—somethingsodesperate—thatintheend,hegaveinandaccompaniedhertothevillage.Onthewaytothevillage,bothofthemexchangedideasandshespoke

animatedlyaboutherworkandherfindings.Asthetwoofthemapproachedherresidence,myfatherrealizedthatthehousewasalsoanursinghome.Hewalkedinthroughthefrontdoorandsawaladyinherfiftiesstandinginthelivingroom.Theyoungwomannexttohimsaid,‘Ma,thisisDrRH.Ishetheoneyou

havebeenwaitingforalltheseyears?’Thewomancameforward,bentdownandtouchedherforeheadtomyfather’s

feet.Hefelthisfeetgettingwetfromhertears.Itwasstrange.Whowerethesewomen?Myfatherdidn’tknowwhattodo.Hequicklybentforward,placedhishandsontheolderwoman’sshouldersandpulledherup.‘Doctor,youmaynotremembermebutIcanneverforgetyou.Minemust

havebeenyourfirstdelivery.’

havebeenyourfirstdelivery.’Still,myfathercouldn’trecognizeher.‘Alongtimeago,youlivedinavillageontheborderofMaharashtraand

Karnataka.Onenight,therewasaheavydownpourandyouhelpedme—ayoung,unmarriedgirlthen—throughchildbirth.Therewasnodeliverytableintheroom,soyouconvertedstacksofpaddysacksintoamakeshifttable.Manyhourslater,Igavebirthtoadaughter.’Inaflash,thememoriescamefloodingbackandmyfatherrecollectedthat

night.‘OfcourseIrememberyou!’hesaid.‘ItwasthemiddleofthenightandIurgedyoutogotoPunewithyournewborn.IthinkIwasasscaredasyou!’‘Yougavemeahundredrupees,whichiswhatmyfamilypaidyouforthe

delivery.Itwasabigamountinthosedaysandstill,youhandeditallovertome.’‘Yes,mymonthlysalarywasseventy-fiverupeesthen!’addedmyfatherwith

asmile.‘YoutoldmeyourlastnamebutIcouldn’thearitbecauseofthedeafening

soundoftherain.Itookyouradvice,wenttoPune,foundyourfriendGokhaleandbecameanurse.Itwasvery,veryhard,butIwasabletoraisemydaughteronmyown.Aftersuchaterribleexperience,Iwantedmydaughtertobecomeagynaecologist.Luckily,shesharedmydreamtoo.Today,sheisadoctorandisalsomarriedtooneandtheypractisehere.Atonepoint,Ispentmonthssearchingforyoubutwithnoluck.ThenweheardthatyouhadmovedtoKarnatakaafterthereorganizationofthestatedepartmentsin1956.Meanwhile,GokhalealsopassedawayandIlostallhopeofeverfindingyou.IprayedtoGodtogivemeachancetomeetyouandthankyouforshowingmetherightpathattherighttime.’MyfatherfeltlikehewasinaBollywoodmovieandwasenchantedbythe

unexplainedmysteryoflife.Afewkindwordsandencouragementhadchangedayounggirl’slife.Sheclaspedherhandstogether,‘Wearesogratefultoyou,doctor.My

daughterwantedtocallyoufortheinaugurationofthenursinghomehereandwewereverydisappointedatnotbeingabletoreachyouthen.Timehaspassedandnowthenursinghomeisdoingverywell.’Myfatherwipedhismoisteyesandlookedaroundtoseethenameofthe

nursinghome.Helookedtotherightandfoundhimselfstaringatit—R.H.

Diagnostic.

7NoPlaceLikeHome

InfosysFoundationisinvolvedinvarioustypesofconstructionprojectslikebuildingdharamshalasforpoorpatientsandtheircaretakers,schoolsforchildreninremoteareas,housesforthethousandswhosufferincalamitiessuchascyclonesandfloods,andtoiletsforbothschoolsandpublicuseinanefforttoencouragecleanlinessinourcountry.Fromitsinception,Iwantedthefoundationtobeindependentandhaveits

ownoffice,butduringtheinitialperiod,wedidn’thavemorethanRs5000leftinthebankattheendofeveryfinancialyear,despitetheannualfunding.Somehow,thewilltohelpothersmadehavingourownpremisesanextremelylowpriority.Still,thefoundationkeptshort-termfixeddepositsandwecarefullymanagedourcashflowstoensureinterest,andovertheyears,wemanagedtoaccumulateasizeableamount.Oneday,Ilearntofabeautifulplotoflandwithanoldbuildingavailablefor

saleinthepopularsuburbofJayanagarinBengaluru.Theinterestwehadsavedwasjustenoughtopurchasetheland.Sincethebuildingwasnotsuitedfortheneedsofanoffice,itwasobviousthatatsomepoint,wewouldhavetodemolishitandbuildourown.Sowedecidedtoleavethelandasisuntilwehadsavedsomemore.Thenextfinancialyeartoo,wehadlessthanRs5000inourbankaccount.

Eventhoughwehadsavedalittleinterestovertheyears,theconstructioncostwashigherthanthemoneywehadandbuildingourofficeremainedadream.Yearspassedbyandfinally,in2002,thefoundationwasabletoaccumulate

enoughinteresttobeginconstruction.Iwashappy.Mydreamwasabouttocometrue.Igottheballrolling,contactedanarchitectandinstructedhimto

cometrue.Igottheballrolling,contactedanarchitectandinstructedhimtocreateasimpleplanforus.Afewdayslater,IreceivedaninvitationfromaMiddleEasterncountryto

speakataladies’associationthere.IdecidedtoacceptitbecauseIhadsometalksscheduledinDubaiandKuwaitsoonafter.Iwantedtocompleteallmyassignmentsthereduringonetripandthussavemoneyonthecostofairtickets.Soon,Iwasonmyway.Likealltrips,thisone,too,hadmanymeetingsand

talkslinedup.Therewerealsoeventswhereinthewho’swhooftheIndiancommunityintheregionwasexpectedtoparticipate.IttookcourageformostofthepeopleImettoleavetheirhomesbehindinIndia,settleinaforeigncountryandstillholdontothecultureandfaith,againstmanyodds.Peoplealsospokeabouttheworkwedid,orthoughtwedid––sometimesitwasfactualandsometimesalittleexaggerated.Finally,thedaycameformylastspeakingengagement.Itwasagoodevent

withlivelyquestionsanddiscussions.Whenthefunctiondrewtoaclose,Ipreparedtoleaveformyhotel.Afewwomenmetmeontheirwayout.‘Ma’am,wouldyouliketobuy

anythinghere?’theyinquiredpolitely.‘Theshoppingexperiencehereisquitewonderful.Maybeyou’dlikesomepearlsorgold?’‘No,’Ireplied.‘ButisthereanythinginterestingthatIcansee?’Thewomenponderedforamoment,shooktheirheadsandsaidtheir

goodbyes.Justthen,Inoticedtwowomenapproachingme.Oneofthemsaidinalow

voice,‘Ma’am,wewouldliketoinviteyoutooursmallshelter.Willyoupleaseconsiderit?’‘What’sthereinyourshelter?’Iasked.‘Wewantyoutoseeitforyourself.Wecantellyouabouttheworkwedoin

variousways,butIdon’tknowwhichaspectofourworkwillstrikeachordwithyou.’Myantennawentup.Therewassomethingaboutthemandtheirhumble

mannerthatmademecurious.Inodded.‘Pleasegivemeafewminutes.Iwillcomewithyourightnow,’Isaid.Ithankedmyhostsquicklyandleftthevenuewiththewomenintow.Ashort

whilelater,wereachedasmallhouseinaresidentialarea.Atfirstglance,itseemedmoreofanouthousetome.Whenweentered,Isawfivewomenthere––

allintheirnightwear.Someofthemhadswolleneyesandredmarksontheircheeks.Itwasobviousthattheywerenotinthebestofhealthorhappyinanyway.Withinafewminutes,wewereallseated.‘WhatlanguageshouldIspeakin?’Iaskedthewomenwhohadbroughtme

there.‘Hindiisokay.AlittleEnglishisalsofine.’Thewomenbegantellingmetheirnamesandthestatestheywerefrom––one

wasfromTamilNadu,twofromAndhraPradeshandonefromKerala.Iexchangedafewpleasantrieswiththemandsoonenough,Nazneem,the

womanfromAndhraPradesh,startednarratingherstory,‘Madam,IwasamaidinthedistrictofKarimnagaryearsagoandhadthreedaughtersoldenoughtogetmarried.AnagenttoldmethatIwouldearnmuchmoreintheMiddleEastforthesameworkIdidinIndia.HetoldmethatIwouldevengetafifteen-dayvacationonceayearwithfreeairtraveltoseemyfamily.IrealizedthatifIworkedhereforthreeyears,Iwouldsaveenoughtobeartheweddingexpensesofallmydaughters.ItwaseverythingIcouldaskfor.Ourfinancialtroubleswouldgoaway!Myhusband,whoisavegetablevendor,keptreassuringmethathewouldlookafterthegirlsduringmyabsence.HeencouragedmetogoaslongasIkeptintouchregularly.SowithmylimitedsavingsandbysellingallthegoldthatIhad,Ipaidformypassport,visa,travelfareandtheagent’scommission.’Hereyescloudedoverasthememoriescamefloodingback.‘Whenthetime

cametosaygoodbye,myheartleftheavyandIwasafraid.IhadnevereventravelledfromKarimnagartothebigcityofHyderabad.ThenhowwouldItravelabroadandmanagethingsallaloneinacountrycompletelyforeigntome?HowwouldIbeabletoliveawayfrommyfamily?‘Theagentassuredme,“Thefamilyyouaregoingtoworkforarekind.They

arealsoofthesamereligionasyou.Youwon’ttaketoomuchtimetoadjust.Ihavealreadyspokentothem.Theywilltreatyouasafamilymember.Ifyouareunhappy,youcancomebackafterayearandnotreturn.”‘Ifeltsomewhatrelievedandforthefirsttimeinmylife,Itravelledto

Hyderabadonmyownandthentookaflightfromthecitytocomehere.’Iinterruptedher,‘Wereyouscaredduringtheflight?’

Nazneemthoughtforamoment.‘Notreally,’shereplied.‘Intheairplane,Imetmanywomenjustlikeme,bothyoungandold,andIfeltbetterknowingthatIwasn’talone.Outsidethedestinationairport,wewerehandedaburkaeachandweredirectedtoabus.Theheatwasunbearable,anditfeltlikeIwasalmostonfire.KarimnagarisahotplaceinIndiabutthelevelofheatinthiscountrycannotbedescribed.Despitethescorchingheat,thebuswasnotair-conditioned.Wewereallexpectingaluxuriousbus,liketheonetheagenthadpromised.Wedismisseditasanerrororaproblemwithbusavailability.Infact,mostofusbelievedthatitmightrainsoon––likeithappensinsomepartsofsouthIndia.‘Anhour-longridelater,thebusdroppedusatalocationfromwherewewere

takentodifferenthousesforournewjobs.‘ThehouseIwastakentowashuge,beautifulandair-conditioned.Iwas

givenatinyroomnearthekitchen.First,ImetthehousemanagerwhotookmypassportandhandedmesomecleaningsuppliesandtoldmesomethinginalanguageIdidn’tunderstand.Thankfully,therewasanotherwomanhousekeeperfromIndianamedSantoshwhotranslatedeverythingforme:“Yourworkbeginsrightnow.Startcleaningthewholehouseandmakeitspotless.Madamhasnotolerancefordust.Yourmealtimingsare––breakfastat9a.m.,lunchat3p.m.anddinnerat10p.m.Also,youmustwearaburkawheneveryougooutsidethehouse.”‘Itooksometimetounpackmybagsandusethebathroom.ThenIwentback

tosearchforSantosh.ThesuppliesweregoodandSantoshtaughtmehowtousethemandintroducedmetosomeoftheelectroniccleaningequipmenttoo.‘Overthenextfewdays,Ihardlysawtheownerofthehouse––shewaseither

outofthecountryorlivingonadifferentfloor.Ialwaysreportedtothehousemanager.‘SantoshandIbegantogettoknowoneanother.Oneafternoon,whenwehad

afewminutesalone,sheaskedme,“Whydidyoucomehere?Thisisn’tsuchagoodworkenvironment.Weworklikedonkeysfrommorningtonightwithminimalrestandsometimes,wehavetoendurethewrathofthehousemanagerfornofaultofours.Thoughwehavecomeforhouseholdchores,wealwaysgetburdenedwithextrawork.Lookatme––Ihelpinthekitchen,bathealltheyoungchildren,ironalltheclothesandwashallthedishes.Now,theyhavebroughtyouheretocleanthehouse,butthat’snottheonlyworkyouwillbeassigned.

Youmayhavetodothecook’sjobwhenhedoesn’tshowuporrunerrandsasandwhenneeded.”‘“Itdoesn’tmatteraslongasIgetagoodsalary,”Irepliedhonestly.‘“That’swhatIusedtothinktoo,”saidSantosh.Therewassadnessinher

eyes.“Wedon’tgetarupeeinourhands.Sometimes,theownersaysthatthemoneyhasbeendepositedinabankaccountorthatithasbeensenttoourfamily.It’sbeenayearsinceIcameherebutIhaven’treceivedanypaymentdirectly.”‘“Butouragentsaid...”‘“Itdoesn’tmatterwhatyouragentsaidorwhoheis––theyareallthesame.

Theyhaveliedtousandluredusintothiscountryandjob.Wearepoorandwefellforthehopetheygaveus.Theyknowthatoncewegethere,itisdifficulttoreturn.Theagentsknowthatweareallalonehere.Inthiscountry,wecan’tevengooutwithoutamanaccompanyingus.Theownersalsokeepourpassportswiththem,makingitimpossibletoleavethisplace.”‘Forthefirsttimesincelandingthere,Ibecameafraid.Ididn’tknowwhatto

do.“Santosh,youhavebeenhereforayear.Whenareyougoingback?Areyougoingtoquitworkorchangejobs?”‘“Wecan’tquitorchangejobswithouttheowner’sconsent.Mostofthe

bossesdon’tallowit.SoIamtryingmybesttoreturn,butIneedmoneyforaone-wayticketandmypassport.”‘“Doyoutalktoyourfamilybackhome?”‘“Yes,Iwritelettersandhandthemovertomyagent,butIdon’tknow

whetheritreachesthem.Ihaven’treceivedevenonereplyyet.Ionlygettohearwhattheagenttellsmeaboutmyfamily.Iknowthattheyhavetriedtocallmehereonthephone,buttherearestrictinstructionsagainstthataccordingtotherulesofthishouse.Madamdoesn’twantherstafftotakepersonalcallsonherlandlines.Moreover,Iknowthatitisn’teasyforthemtocallmehere,andIdon’twanttosharemydifficultieswiththem.Ihearthatalumpsumamountissenttothemeverysixmonths.ButonceIgetmyticket,Iwillgobackandnevercomebackhere.”‘Iwasslightlyrelievedtohearthatherfamilywasgettingsomemoney.

“Aren’ttheysupposedtosendthemoneyeverymonth?”Iasked.

‘“Theagentsaremuchsmarterthanus.Theykeepasalarybacklogofatleastsixmonths.IfIgobacktomycountryanddon’treturn,thentheywillkeepthatmoney.Somanypeoplecomebackfortheirmoneyandthecyclecontinues.Tosomeoneinourfinancialposition,asix-monthsalaryisabigamounttowalkawayfrom.”‘“Whenareyouplanningtogohome?”‘“Itdependsontheowners.Sometimes,theysendtheworkershomeafter

fifteenmonthsorsometimesaftertwoyears.Idon’tknowwhentheywilldecidetosendmeback.Icanunderstandtheirlanguagenowbutstillpretendnotto.IhavelearntthatMadamisgoingtoIndiatoenjoythemonsooninKerala.SinceIamfromthestateandknowthelocallanguage,shewantsmetogowithherandlookafterthechildren.Iwillaskherthentoallowmetovisitmyfamilyforafewdaysandifshedoes,Iwon’tcomeback.IhavereachedapointwhereIdon’tevencareaboutthemoney,”saidSantoshfirmly.‘Icouldnotsleepthatnight.HadIbeendupedbytheagent?Howmuch

moneywillmyfamilyreallyget?Withnotmanyoptionsatmydisposal,Idecidedthatthebestwayforwardwastokeepalowprofileandcontinueworking.‘Forthefirstfewweeks,thingsseemedokay.Thestaffwasusuallygiven

leftoverfood,whichwasgoodandIdidn’thaveanycomplaintsrelatedtowork.Aftersometimehadpassed,Istartedgettingextrachores,especiallyaroundthetimeMadamwasleavingforavacationtoIndia.SantoshwasgoingtogowiththemtooandIknewthatshewouldn’tcomeback.SoIwroteletterstomyfamilyandrequestedhertomailthemfromIndia.‘OnceSantoshandthefamilyleftthecountry,thehousemanagerinstructed

metotakeonallofSantosh’sworkaswell.Sincetheowneralwaysentertainedguestsinhisbigmansion,therewasalotofcookingandcleaningtobedone.Therewereatotaloffourteenchildreninthehouseandeachchildwouldalsofrequentlybringhisorherfriendsover.Ifelttrapped––likeabirdinacage.Sincetheworkmorethandoubled,myefficiencyreducedandthehousemanagerbecameupsetandrefusedtolistentomyconcerns.Shewouldshowmeastickandsay,“Don’tcomplainaboutyourwork.Youarebeingpaidforit.Idon’twanttohearanotherword.”

‘Whentheunendingworkloadbecameunbearableduringtheday,Iwouldsitdownandrestforafewminutes.Ifthehousemanagerfoundmeresting,shewouldbeatmewiththatsamestick.That’swhenIrecalledthemarksonSantosh’shandandrealizedhowshehadgotthem.Nobodyeverbeatmeinmyhome.Thoughwewerepoor,welivedwithdignity.‘Thelonelinessandtheexcessworksoonbeganaffectingmyhealthandmy

abilitytowork.Ilongedformyfamily,mychildrenandmyfriends.Asthedayswentby,therewasnothingbutsadnessleftinmysoul.’Iinterjected,‘Withwhomdidyoushareyourtroubleswith,nowthatSantosh

wasgone?’‘Nobody,’saidNazneem.‘Therewasamalegardenerwhowouldvisitand

tendtothelawnandplantsoutsidethehouse,butIcouldnotspeaktohimaccordingtothecountry’srules.Icouldn’tgooutasIonlyhadthreenightdressesthatIworedayandnight.IwasnotallowedtoweartheclothesthatIhadbroughtwithme.Iwasonlyallowedtogoshoppingwiththefamily,andeventhen,Ihadtowearaburkaontopofmyclothes.SoIhadnofriendsoracquaintancestospeakto.‘Soon,MadamcamebackfromIndia,upsetandfurious.Shesaidtothehouse

manager,“StartkeepingacloseeyeontheseIndianwomen.Santoshnevercamebackaftershewenthome.Shecheatedme.Sofornow,don’tallowthiswomantogohomeanytimesoon.”‘ThesewordsdampenedmyspiritandIcriedintheshadows,wondering

whenIwouldseemyfamilyagain.‘Onemorning,IoverheardaconversationbetweenMadamandthehouse

manager.“Whateveryousay,Indianwomenarethebestforhouseholdwork,”shetoldthemanager.“Theydotheirjobsquietly,don’tanswerbackorcomplaintoomuch.”‘Thehousemanagersaidsomethingunintelligible.‘“Recruittwomore,”sheinstructed.‘WhileIhatedthethoughtofsomebodyelsegoingthroughwhatIhad

endured,Iwasattheendofmyropeandhopedthatthiswouldreducemyworkloadinthecourseoftime.‘Weekslater,Iwasdownwithhighfever.’‘Didyougothedoctor?’Icouldn’tcontainmyself.

‘No,thehousemanagergavemeCrocin.Wewerenevertakentothedoctorforanyreasonwhatsoever.Ihadtoworkdespitethefever.Adaylater,itwentupfurtherandIwasafraidthatmybodywouldgiveup.Desperate,Iapproachedthemanagerandaskedhertotakemetothenearestdoctororhospital.‘Shewasblunt,“WehavemultiplehousegueststodayandIreallydon’thave

thetime.”‘Ialmostbrokedown.“Ican’tworktoday,”Isaidtearfully.“Iaminpainand

there’saconstantthrobbinginmyhead.”‘Nonchalantly,sheheatedupaspoononthekitchenfire,caughtmyhandand

pressedthehotspoononmywrist.‘Iscreamedandsheshushedme.“Don’tscream.Nobodywillcometohelp

you.Youareaservantandmustbehavelikeone.Goandstartworkingnow,”shesaid,hervolumematchingmine.‘Mybodystartedtremblingwithfear.WasthisgoingtobemyfatetillIdie?‘Idon’trememberthedaysaheadwithclarity,butthefevercamedownand

mybody,atleast,feltalittlebetter.ButIwasdeadinside.Ihadnoincentivetowakeupinthemornings,butIhadnochoice.Ilivedlikearobot.WhenIhadtimetothink,Ionlythoughtaboutreturninghometomyfamily.‘Onerareday,whentherewasnobodyathomebutme,thegardener,Maruti,

requestedmeforacupoftea.Iworetheburkaandwenttothebackyardtogiveittohim.‘“Pleasehelpmegethome,”Itoldhimassoonashestartedsippingthetea.“I

don’tknowanyonehereandyouknowhowtheytreatthehelpsinthishouse.Myfamilywouldn’tevengettoknowifsomethinghappenedtomehere.Youarelikemybrother.Please,canyoulendmeahand?”‘“Don’teventhinkofrunningaway,”hesaid.Icouldseethathewasafraid.

“Iftheauthoritiestraceyouandbringyouback,youwillsufferunspeakablecruelty.Still,IwilltryandspeaktoafewpeopleIknow.Iwillgetbacktoyou.”‘Itouchedhisfeet.ItwasasifAllahhadcometohelpmethroughthiskind

man.‘AmonthpassedbeforeMarutiapproachedmeatatimewhenwewerealone

again.ItwasEid,areligiousholiday,andthefamilyhadgoneoutfortheevening.“ImettwokindwomenatanIndianfunction.Ithinktheymaybeabletohelpyou,”hesaid.‘“Iamsogratefultoyou.Howdidyoumeetthem?”

‘“Iamsogratefultoyou.Howdidyoumeetthem?”‘“Theowneronceaskedmetodeliversomeflowerstoagovernmentofficial

whowasattendinganIndianweddingceremony.Atthewedding,Iwastoldtowaitandthat’swhenIheardaboutthesetwowomenfromothers.Isomehowmanagedtoseethem.SinceIamamanandfreetomoveaboutinthiscountry,Iwasabletomeetthemafewmoretimes.Itoldthemaboutyourdifficultieshere.Theyhavetoldmetoinformyouthatitisriskytoleaveyourworkhere,butifyoudecidetodosoandgotothem,thentheywillalsosharetheriskwithyouandtrytheirbesttosendyoubackhome.Icantakeyoutothem.Butdoitwhenyougoshoppingasitwillbeeasiertoescapefromthere.”‘Inodded.Wedecidedtowaitfortherightmoment.‘Meanwhile,MarutigavemeamapandthedirectionstotheplaceIwould

havetolocatewhenthetimecame.ImemorizedeverythingwellsothatIcouldreachtherewithoutanyconfusion.MarutihadalreadydonemorethanIcouldhaveeverimaginedandIdecidednottoinvolvehimfurther.Thepunishmentforsuchactionsissevereinthiscountry.‘Weekslater,Madamaskedmetorunanerrand.Thiswasmychance.‘Iworeaburka,wenttothemarketplace,boughtgroceriesandhandedthem

tothedriver.ItoldhimthatIneededtogototherestroomandthatIwouldbebacksoon.ThemomentIwasoutofsightofthedriver,Iran!ThedriverwouldhavetakensometimetorealizethatIwasmissing.Asmanywomenworetheburka,Iknewthatitwouldbetoughforhimtofindme.Ikeptgoingwithmyheartbeatingfast––sometimesIranandsometimesIwalked.Withinhalfanhour,IreachedmydestinationwithnothingbuttheclothesIwaswearing.Finally,Iwashere.’Nazneem’sstoryendedandshecollapsedonthechair,tiredfromrelivingthe

darkpast.Thetwowomenturnedtome.‘Shecametwodaysago,’oneofthemsaid.Asilencefellintheroom.‘Nooneshouldhavetogothroughthis,’Ithought.Gracy,thewomanfromKerala,brokethestillnessintheroombysharingher

story.Shewasbeautifulandwell-spoken.Shehadalsobeendupedbyanagentwhohadpromisedherajobtotutorchildren.Andyet,herstorywasvastlydifferent.Gracywasanorphanwhogrewupinagovernmenthomeforsuchchildren.

Shebecameateacherinaconventschoolandthoughthesalarywasenoughto

getby,itwasnotenoughtoachieveherdreamofowningasmallhome.Intime,Gracyfoundaboyshelikedbuthedidnothaveasteadyjoborincome.Sincetheydidn’thaveanyassets,theymadeamutualdecision––Gracywouldgoabroadfortutoring.Thiswouldgivethecoupleachancetoearnenoughmoneytopurchaseahomelaterandsettledown.Whenshereachedthehomeshewasgoingtolivein,shewasquiteshockedto

findthatheremployerhadfourwivesandsixteenchildren––allofwhomlivedinthehugeresidence.However,onlytenoftheboysandgirlswereoldenoughtogotopre-school,primaryormiddleschool.GracytaughtthechildrensubjectssuchasEnglish,mathematics,history,artandcraftandmanners.Forafewyears,thingsseemedallrightandshewastreatedfairlywell.ShewaspaidonceinsixmonthsinbulkandheremployerevenallowedherapaidvacationtoIndiaonceayear.Thechildrenhadalsobecomeveryfondofher,andshewasnotmistreatedlikeNazneem.Astheyearspassedandtheboysreachedtheirmid-teens,theirclassmatesand

cousinsbeganfrequentingthehome.Soon,shebecamethetargetoftheirlecherousstaresandsherealizedforthefirsttimethatshewasaneasytargetshouldtheywishtoapproachher.Shebecameextremelyuncomfortablelivingthere.Whenshetriedtoshareherconcernswithoneoftheemployer’swives,shescoffedather,‘Yes,Gracy,youaresobeautifulthatmanymenwilldesireyou.Infact,Iwon’tbesurprisedifmyhusbanddoestoo!’Fromthatdayon,Gracybecameafraidforherself.Shebegantoavoid

teachingtheolderboysandeventoldtheemployerthattheydidnotneedherhelpanymore,butnobodylistened.‘Youarepaidtoteachthechildrenandyoumustfulfilyourresponsibility.

There’snothingmoretosay,’saidtheemployeranddismissedherwithawaveofhishand.Oneday,afriendoftheboyscametoherroomandtriedtoforcefullykissher.

Duetoherpresenceofmind,shemanagedtopushhimoutoftheroomwithallhermightanddidn’tmentionittoanyone.Thenextday,however,shefoundthatoneoftheboysnamedAbdulwasvery

upset.Uponfurtherinquiry,Abdulsaid,‘Myfriendisupsetforsomereason.WhenI

askedhimtocomehometoday,herefusedandsaidthatitwasbecauseofyou.

Tellme,whathaveyoudone?’Gracyfoundithardtosharehertroubleswithasixteen-year-old,butthought

itwisetotellthetruthtoherward.Toherastonishment,helaughed.‘Youareveryattractive,’saidAbdul.‘I

can’tblamemyfriendfornotbeingabletocontrolhimself.Ifyouwereuglylikethecook,Fatima,thennobodywouldwantyou.’‘Abdul,Iamyourteacher,’saidGracyveryfirmly,despitethetremorsshe

wasbeginningtofeelinherbody.‘Howdareyouspeaktomelikethis?’‘Iamnolongerachild.Iamamannowandlookatwomenfromadifferent

perspective,’herespondedandwalkedawaycasually.‘ItwasthenthatIrealizedthatthehomewasatickingtimebombforme.I

wasbetterofflivinginarentedhouseinmycountrythanstayingundersuchduressinthatresidence.Nobody––neithertheemployernorhiswives––wasgoingtoprotectmeifsomethingweretohappen.Iwasfortunateenoughthatmypassportwaswithme.Andyet,Ihadnomoney.ButIknewthesetwokindwomenherewhohelpedwomeninsuchdistress.’‘Howdidyougettoknowaboutthem?’Iasked.‘Itwasastrokeofluck.LastDecember,IhadattendedaChristmasparty.It

wastherethatImetthemandlearntabouttheirwork.Oncethetimewasright,Iwalkedtotheshelter,leavingallofmybelongingsatmyemployer’shome,’shesaid,staringatthefloor.Therewasnothingformetosay.Ifeltashamedanddisgustedattheworld

todaywherehalfofthepopulationdoesnotfeelsafe.Thetwootherwomen––RojafromTamilNaduandNeenafromAndhra

Pradesh––sharedtheirstorieswithboutsoftears.Theirexperienceswereworse.Eachhadtravelledadifferentpathbutbothhadbeenrapedbytheiremployers.Icouldn’tholdbackmytearsanylonger.Whatawretchedlifethesewomen

havehad!Howdoesoneevenbegintogetoversuchtrauma?Ittookmeafewminutestocomposemyself.Iglancedatthetwowomensittingnearme.Howdidtheysendthesewomen

back?Oneofthemsaid,‘Oncethesewomencometotheshelter,wegototheIndian

embassyandgetnewpassportsmadeforthem.Itisdifficultandattimes,werunintoproblemsthatcausedelays.Buttherealproblemistheirdeparturefrom

here.Legally,wecan’tkeepthemintheshelterbeyondacertainperiodoftimeandwehavetobuyaone-wayticketforthemassoonaswecan.Andifwehavetobookitatshortnotice,wehavetoalmostalwayspayahighpriceforit.’‘Whopaysforthetickets?’‘Weaskaroundandreachouttoeveryonewecan.Thefolksinsmall-paying

jobsarehighinnumberbuttheyusuallyhavetheirownfinancialproblemsandotherissues.Peoplewhodohavethemoneydon’treallywanttosupportusforalongtime.Somewouldratherbuygoldinthesoukorholdapartyfortheirfriendsandfamilies.Therichfolksconsiderthisaperennialproblem.Theyarewillingtohelpusforoneortwocasesbutoursheltergetsaroundfivewomeneverymonth.Soonerorlater,thedonorstopsfundingthetickets.Sometimes,storeownersanonymouslybuyflighttickets,buteverybodyisafraidofgettingcaughtsomeday.Othersshrugitoffandsaythatitisn’ttheirproblem.Theyaccusethewomenoffollowingthepathofmoney.Theyfeelitwastheirresponsibilitytoverifytheagencybeforecominghere.Whenwebegantheshelterafewyearsago,wepumpedinourpersonalfunds.Butwearen’tricheitherandIfearthatwewon’tbeabletokeepupforlong.’Itwasadepressingthought.Theshelterwasarayofhopeforthewomen

caughtindifficultcircumstances.Wherewouldtheygowithoutsuchaplacetorunto?Ilookedattheclock.Itwastimetoleaveformymeetingwithafriend.SoI

saidmygoodbyesandlefttheshelterwithaheavyheart.Wedrovepastbeautifulhomes,wideroadsandfancycars.Ifeltnothing.AllI

couldthinkofwerethefourwomenandtheirhauntingpasts.Suddenly,Ichangedmymind.‘TakeaU-turn,’Itoldthedriver.Iwentbacktotheshelterandmetthetwowomen.Isaid,‘InfosysFoundation

ishappytosponsorone-wayticketsforthewomeninneed––beittotheircity,villageortown.Wewilltakecareofthetravelcostaslongastheshelterhasverifiedthem.Butyoumusthelpthemobtainapassportintimeandensurethattheyareabletoboardtheflightwithoutanyhassles.’Thewomensmiledandagreed.Ismiledback.Finally,IfeltlikeIhadlessenedsomeofmyburden.

‘TellthesewomenthatIndiaischanging,’Itoldthem.‘Gonearethedayswhenpeopleworkedforaminusculesalary.Incities,whenboththehusbandandthewifehavetogotowork,theyneedareliableandgoodhousekeeperathome,withoutwhichmanywomenchoosetoquittheirjobs.HonestycarriesahighpriceinIndianowandmoreandmorepeoplearechoosingtostaybackinthecountryoftheirownvolitionduetothedemandinurbanareas.’‘Thewomenwillbeecstatictolearnofthisdevelopment,’saidoneofthem.

Shecouldn’tstopsmiling.‘MayGodblessthefoundationandyouforsuchaninvaluablegesture.’Thenextday,onmyflightback,Icouldn’thelpbutthinkhowfortunatewe

aretoliveinIndia.Wemaynotbetherichestorthebestcountryintheworld,butwehavesomuchfreedom.Wecanswitchjobseasilyorrelocatetoadifferenttownorcity.Ifnothingelse,mostofushaveafamilythatwillatleastgiveusaplacetostayintimesoftrouble.Wereallydon’tknowhowluckyweareuntilweareoutofthecountry.Outofhabit,Ibegancalculatingtheapproximatetravelexpensesforthe

women.Theyhadmentionedanaverageoftwentytotwenty-fivecasesperyear.‘Thisextraannualgrantwouldevaporatemysavingsfortheofficebuildinginfiveyears,’Ithought,ataddisappointed.Ihadtomakeachoice––buildtheofficeorgivesheltertothesewomen.I

knew,ofcourse,thattherereallywasnochoiceatall.Therewasnosecond-guessingmydecision.MyconscienceandIcouldstillliveinarentedthree-roomspaceforafewmoreyears.Thishappenedfifteenyearsago.Lastyear,wefinallymovedintoourownofficeandhomeaftertwentyyears.

Inamedthebuilding‘Neralu’––theshelter.

8APowerfulAmbassador

Iamastorytelleratheart,soitisn’tsurprisingthatIfellinlovewithmovies.Whenwewerechildren,Bollywoodwasverydifferentfromwhatitistoday.

Mostmovieswereinblackandwhite.Then,therewereEastmancolormoviesandblackandwhitemovieswithsomesongsincolour,untilfinally,themovewasmadetocolourfeaturefilms.MeenaKumari’stragediesoftenbroughttearstomyeyeswhileMadhubala

andAshaParekh’sbeautifulsongsequencesremainetchedinmymind.Ican’tletgoofSadhanaandWaheedaRahman’seffortlessbeauty,whileSanjeevKumar’spowerfulactingandRajeshKhanna’scharismawillremainwithmygenerationuntilwearegone.IhavefollowedtheevolutionofBollywoodthroughtheuseoftechnologyand

alsofromsimpleinnocentromancestotheaggressiveandboldportrayalofittodayandfromclassicaldancestothedrill-teamtypeofdancestobreakdanceandnow,twerking.Moviesweregenerallytaboointhosedaysandconsideredaluxuryina

villagesuchasmine.WelivedinShiggaonwithoutaccesstoamovietheatre.Besides,therewasnoelectricityinthosedays.Buttoourabsolutedelight,wedidgettouringtalkiesinthesummer,whichweretentssetupspecificallytoscreenmovies.ItwastheLord’sanswertoourdesperation!Ifwereallywantedtoseeafilm,wewereaccompaniedbyanadultandourchaperonewoulddecidewhichmoviewewouldwatch.WecouldonlyseereligiousandinspiringmoviessuchasSriKrishnaTulabharam,RamaVanavasaandGirijaKalyana.Occasionally,anexceptionwasmadeandwewereallowedtowatchachildren’s

movieunderadultsupervision.Wewouldthengoandtellourfriendsaboutit.Onthebigday,mycousinsandIwouldeatearlyandfillourstomachssothatwewouldn’thavetotakeabreakduringthemovie.Wewouldtalkaboutthefilmfordaysonendafterthescreening.However,themovie-watchingdayswererarethroughouttheyear.Butnothingstaysthesameforever.LifechangedandIcametothesmallcity

ofHubliformyeducationwheretherewereplentyofmovietheatres.Andyet,thetabooremained—ateenagegirlshouldn’tseeromanticscenes.SowhileIhappilysawthemwhenIwentwithmyfriends,IhadtolistentomyauntandclosemyeyeswhenIsawthesamesceneswithherorotherseniormembersofthefamily.Asthemonthswentpast,Ibecamebolder.Attheendofeveryexamseason,a

bunchofusgirlswouldgotogethertothemovies.WewouldlietoourfamiliesthatweweregoingforafilmlikeDashavathara(aboutthetenavatarsofLordVishnu)andgowatchafilmofthedreamyheroRajendraKumar.Allofushadsecretcrushesontheheroesbutwefeltawkwardsharingthiswitheachother.WhenImadeittocollege,Ibecamewhatmusthavebeenconsidered‘really

bold’.Itoldmyparents,‘Irefusetowatchreligiousfilms.Ihaveseenenoughofthemtolastmealifetime.Now,IwanttoseeRajeshKhanna’smovies.’Ilivedinajointfamilyanditwasclearthattheeldersinthefamilyfelt

astonishedandperhapsalittleembarrassedatmyintenselytransparentdesiretowatchasuperstar’smovies,especiallyaheroknownforhisridiculousgoodlooksandcharmandtheabilitytodriveawayallcommonsensefromagirl’smind.Fromthatdayon,myauntkeptaclosewatchonmygrades.Theslightesthint

ofafallwouldearnmethecomment,‘Itisnowonderthatyourmarksaregoingdown.Thecrappyromanticmovieshavedistractedyouandyouarenolongerabletofocusasmuchasyoushould.’PoorRajeshKhannawasoftenblamedformycousins’andmylowmarks.If

onlyhehadknown!Later,ImademywaytoBengaluruformypost-graduation.Itwasheaven!

TheareaknownasMajesticboastedofatleastthirtymovietheatressuchasSangam,Alankar,KempeGowdaandMajestic,oneithersideoftheroad.Ifrequentlymanagedtowatchtwomoviesinonetrip.

OnceIwaslefttomyowndevicesintheworkingladies’hostelinPune,therewasabsolutelynoonetostopmeandmyloveforfilmsgrewbyleapsandbounds.ItgrewtosuchanextentthatIcouldstudyonlywhenmoviesoundtrackswereplayinginthebackground.Manyofthestudentsmadefunofme.Oneday,afewgirlsgatheredatafriend’shome.Someonesaidtome,‘Moviesareawonderfulsourceofentertainment.Butit

islikeeatingdesserteveryday.Itisnotgoodforyourhealthandyouwillstartdislikingitatsomepoint.’‘Noway,’Iprotested.‘Youcaneatdifferentdessertsondifferentdaysand

you’llneverreachapointofdislikingit.It’sthesamethingwithmovies.’‘Easytosay.Notsoeasytoimplement.Areyouwillingtoseeamovieevery

day?’‘OfcourseIam.’IhadnodoubtthatIcould.Myfriendswerequitethrilled.‘Well,thenlet’sbetonit.Ifyousee365

moviesin365days,wewillgiveyouonehundredrupeesandhonouryouasMissCinema.’Inodded,quiteexcited.ThusIbeganmyfilmijourney.Punewasagreatcityforwatchingmovies.Inthosedays,NilayamTheatre

wouldscreenRajKapoormovies—adifferentoneeachday.There,Isawallhismovies—fromtheearliestonetothemostrecent.Oncethatwasdone,Iswitchedtothefamousdirector–actorGuruDuttandwatchedallhismoviesinLakshmiNarayanTheatre.Boredomwasnowhereinsight.Justwhenthatwasnearingitsend,PrabhatFilmCompany,apioneerinMarathimovies,beganshowingtheirfilmsinNatrajTheatre,whichwasastone’sthrowfrommyhostel.Someoftheseweremoviesfrombeforemytimeandwerethosemyfatherhadseenwhenhewasastudent.SoIwatchedthemtoo—Manoos,Kunku,ShejariandRamshastri,amongothers.Duringthedaysmovieswereinshortsupply,IstockeduponEnglishclassicsatRahul70mmTheatre—GonewiththeWind,ToSirwithLove,ComeSeptember,TheTenCommandments,filmsfeaturingCharlieChaplin,LaurelandHardy,andothersilentmovieswithsubtitles.Occasionally,DeccanTheatrescreenedKannadamoviestoo.Attheendoftheyear,Ihadsuccessfullywatched365moviesandbecame

suchanexpertthatIcouldrateanymoviethatmyfriendscouldthinkof.Ieven

understoodthefundamentalsforamovie’ssuccessfulrun.Necessaryprerequisitesconsistofatightstory,goodmusic,crispconversation,excellentscriptanddialogues,fineactingbytheleadroles,appropriatecostumes,outstandingdirectionandcarefulediting.Thentherewasthematterofluckwhichremainsundefinedtothisday.Ihaveencounteredfilmswithexcellentstorylinesthathaveturnedouttobebox-officeflops.Sowhilethereisnoexactformulaforsuccess,toomuchmelodramaandanon-realisticstorylinedoomsamoviefromthestart.Mydeepinterestinfilmstookmetothenextlevel—assessingtheacting

abilitiesoftheheroesandtheskillsofthedirector.ThusIgraduallyturnedintoamoviepundit.NowIamunabletowatchasmanymoviesasIwouldlikeduetomy

schedule,yet,Iprefergoingtoamovietheatre,ratherthanwatchingitathome.Ialsohaveaninterestinvisitingcountriesthataren’tconsideredpopular

touristdestinations.Afewyearsago,IaddedIran,Poland,Cuba,theBahamas,UzbekistanandIcelandtothelist.Theselessvisitedcountrieshavemanyadvantages.Theyarenotcrowdedandhavefewerhotelreservations.Theflightticketstotheseplacescanbeobtainedatashortnoticeandyouhavethefreedomtowalkaboutanywhereyouchoose.Outofthesefourcountries,theBahamaswasthemostexoticofthemall,evenasIwasintroducedtotheothercountriesandtheirspecialties—whetheritbetheirmarkets,vegetables,customs,cuisine,fashionandmuchmore.Ienjoygoingtofarmers’marketstosamplethelocalgoodiesandalwayspickupsomethingthatIcancarryaroundandeat.DuringmyvisittoIran,Iwasutterlyfascinatedtoseeyesteryear’sPersia,

especiallysinceIwasawarethatweusealmost5000PersianwordsinthelocallanguageofnorthKarnataka.ThehistoricalconnectiongoesbacktothedaysoftheAdilShahidynasty.TheofficiallanguageinthecourtandthemilitarywasPersian.Soitisn’tsurprisingthatmanywordsandnuancesofPersianarchitecturewereabsorbedbythelocalsintheirlanguageandcanstillbeviewedinBijapurandBidarinKarnataka.Intheoldendays,tradewasanimportantpartofadministrationandwas

responsibleforbringingrevenueintothekingdom.Manytradergroupswereinexistenceatthattime,whichenabledtheexchangeofgoodsfromChinatoIndia

andfromIndiatotheWesternworld.Thisalsoencouragedthesharingofculturethroughfood,dance,theatreandcloth.IdecidedtovisitthelocalmarketinShiraz,aprominentcity,inaneffortto

betterunderstandthecultureandthetypeofmerchandiseandfare.Atthemarket,Inoticedamanbusymakingnaansinasmallstallandafewpeoplewaitingaroundfortheirorder.Theprocesswasfascinatingandthenaanswerereadytobeservedinamatterofafewminutes.WhenguestscomehomeinIran,womendonotheadtothekitchenandmakerotislikewedoinIndia.Instead,themanofthehousegoestothenaanandroomaliroti(anothertypeofthinflatbread)shopandgetsthemfreshlymadeandinbigquantities.AllthecookingmademefeelhungryandIapproachedtheman.‘Iwantto

buytwoofthem,’IsaidinEnglish.Itwasclearthathewasn’ttoofamiliarwithEnglish,butheunderstoodmy

request.Soon,hehandedmetwowarmnaansonapaper.Inoticedhimobservingmysariandthebindionmyforehead.SinceIdidn’tknowthecost,Iofferedhimahigherdenominationcurrency

notesothathecouldchargemeappropriatelyandreturnthechange.‘AmitabhBachchan?’heasked.WhenIdidn’trespond,hepersisted,‘SalmanKhan?ShahRukhKhan?’AfterhearingthenamesofthefamousBollywoodheroes,Irealizedwhathe

wastryingtosay.‘Yes,’Ireplied.‘Iamfromthesamecountryasthem.’Hesmiled.‘Nomoney,’hesaid.EvenwhenIinsisted,herefused.Headded,‘India.Bollywood.Verynice.

Gooddance.Gooddress.Goodmusic.Iranianlike.’Iunderstood.IranianslikeBollywood.SinceIcomefromthesamelandas

someoftheheroestheylike,themandidn’twanttotakeanymoneyfromme.Hewantedtogivethemtomeasagift.Heprobablythoughtofitasawayofdoingsomethinginreturnfortheheroes’countrymen.‘Salaam!’Hiswordsbrokethroughmytrainofthoughtandhemovedonto

thenextclientbehindme.Iheldthosepreciousnaanscloselyandcamebacktomyroomandturnedthe

televisionon.Tomypleasantsurpriseandamusement,IsawAmitabhBachchanconversinginPersianwithJayaBhaduriinthemovieKabhiKhushiKabhieGham.Ihadnodoubt—Bollywoodmoviesweredefinitelyarageinthis

country.TheIraniansmaynotunderstandthemeaningofthesongs,buttheymustlikeourstorylines,thebeautifulandflowingsilklehengas,thefoot-tappingmusic,thegrandeurofthesetsandtheactingoftheleadcharacters.MynextvisitwastoHavana,thecapitalofCuba.Thecityiscutofffrom

Westerncivilizationandremainsisolatedfrommostoftheworld.ThelocallanguageisSpanishandIcouldn’tsayasinglewordexcept‘gracias’orthankyou.Tomysurprise,theredidn’tseemtobeanytouristsfromIndia.Theweatherwaswarmandtherewerebeautifulshelteredmarketsthathelpedusescapetheheat.Themarketshadalmosteverythingpossibleonsale,includinghandicrafts,fruitsandjuices.Sowithaglassofcoconutwaterinhand,Iwanderedthroughthemarketswith

mysister,whofoundabaginastorefilledwithwoodenandleathergoods.AsIhelpedherinspectthequalityofthebag,shebegantonegotiatetheprice—ahabitthatispartoftheIndianDNA,irrespectiveofone’sfinancialposition.Usingherhands,thesellerindicatedtheprice—fifteenpesos.Inoticedayoungmanstandingbywatchingtheinteractionwithobviousinterest.Meanwhile,mysisterinstantlyindicatedtenwithoutknowingthetruevalueoftheitemshewasbuying.Thesellercamedowntoelevenpesosbutmysisterproudlyrefusedtobudge.Thewomangrinned,agreedandsaidsomethinginSpanish.IheardthenamesMadhuriDixitandAamirKhanthrowninasthetransactionfinallytookplace.Justwhenwewereabouttowalkaway,theyoungmanonthesidefinally

spoke.‘Doyouknowwhythatladygaveyouthebagforonlytenpesos?’heaskedinbrokenEnglish.Ishookmyhead.‘ShesaysthatsheisabigfanofAamirKhanandMadhuriDixit.Shewants

youtotellthemthattheyhavefansinHavanaandtherestofCuba.’Iwassurprised.‘Canyouaskthesellerwheresheseestheirmovies?’Thesellersmiledwhensheheardthequestionandsaidsomethingtothe

youngman.‘ShegetstheDVDs,’heturnedtomeandsaid.‘Aretheypirated?’Iasked.‘Idon’tknow,’hesaid.‘Icanaskherifyouwant.’Idecidednottopursuetheconversationsincewecouldn’tcommunicate

effectively.WhileIdidn’tgetallmyanswers,itwasclearthatBollywood

effectively.WhileIdidn’tgetallmyanswers,itwasclearthatBollywoodenjoyedabigpresenceinternationally,andthatIhadgotafive-pesodiscountbecauseofit!IrecalledoneofmyvisitstoMumbaiwhereIhadmetanew-ageIndian

actor–directorandhadananimateddiscussionaboutmovies,ofcourse!‘Bollywoodisnotjustaboutcinema,’Isaid.‘Ifsomebodytalksaboutthe

importanceofgoodvalues,itmayimpactonepersoninthecrowd.Ifsomeonewritesaboutthem,thenitmaychangeafewmore.ButifitisshowninBollywoodthroughapowerfulstory,thentheimpactismuchmoredrastic.Asanactor,onemustowntheresponsibilitytospreadtherightmessages.’Heagreedwithme.TheinfluenceofBollywoodisphenomenalindeed.MytraveladventuresalsotookmetoBukhara,thefifthlargestcityof

Uzbekistan.AsIwentforaneveningstroll,thefainttunesofafamiliarsong‘TujhMeinRabDikhtaHai’waftedtowardsme.ItwasfromthemovieRabNeBanaDiJodi.Justlikethechildrenwhocouldn’tresistfollowingthePiedPiperofHamelin,mylegsdirectedmetowardsthesourceofthemusic.Withinminutes,Ifoundmyselfoutsidearestaurantbyapond—LyabiHouse.

AsIattemptedtoenter,thedoormanstoppedmegentlywithawaveofhishand.‘I’msorry,buttherestaurantisatfullcapacitytodayandallourtablesare

occupied,’hesaid.‘Butthatsongismine!’Isaid,feelingasexcitedandproudasasix-year-old

andpointinginside.‘Iamfromthecountryofthatmusic!’Thedoormansmiledandsteppedasidetoletmein.Hurriedly,Ienteredthemainroomandwalkedrightuptothesinger,focused

onhisperformance.Bynow,themusichadchangedandthistimeitwas‘TumHiHo’fromAashiqui2.‘IamfromIndiaandthissongisfrommycountry,’Isaidtohim,themomenthestoppedsinging.‘Hindustan?’heasked.Inodded.‘Namaste!’hegrinnedandnoddedhisheadvigorously,asiftoacknowledge

whatIhadjustsaid.Ilookedaround,andforthefirsttime,Ibecameawareofotherpeopleinthe

restaurant.Wetriedtocommunicatequickly—heinUzbekandIinHindiwitha

spatteringofasmanyPersianwordsthatIcouldremember.Wefailedquite

spatteringofasmanyPersianwordsthatIcouldremember.Wefailedquitemiserably.Thenhesmiledandhismelodiousvoicefilledtheair—‘MainShayarTo

Nahi’.Thesongmusthavebeenquitepopularamongthelocalsbecausesuddenlytherewasaroundofapplausefromthepeopleintheroom.Thiswasn’taboutabigachievementsuchasaspacemissionorasports

victory,butaboutrunningintocommonpeoplelisteningtoasliceofIndiainanunknowncorneroftheworld.Mywholebeingfeltarushofmixedemotions—aboveeverythingelse,asenseofpridethatIbelongedtoaspecialcountry.EvenpeopleinacountrylikeEnglandsharetheirloveforBollywooddance.

IndianrestaurantsarepopularandareoftenbasedonthethemeofBollywood.IcelandalsohasarestaurantnamedGandhiinReykjavik.ThereisastatueoflateYashChopra,arenownedIndianfilmmaker,inInterlaken,Switzerland,andaposterofShahRukhKhanandKajolattheentranceofMountTitlis,amountainoftheUriAlps.BollywoodhasalsocontributedtoHollywood’sfooddishes.Thereisadrink

calledPiggyChopsinMilkBar,WestHollywood,namedafteractressPriyankaChopra,whichconsistsofbananas,almonds,caramelsauce,vanillaicecreamandasplashofginseng.MallikaShake,ontheotherhand,isnamedafterMallikaSherawatandisadeliciousmixofblueberries,blackberries,raspberriesandstrawberries,toppedwithchocolatesauce.Younggirlsnowwanttodressliketheseheroines.Ihaveseenseveralgirlsin

myfriend’sboutiqueaskingfordressesliketheoneAnushkaSharmaworeinBandBaajaBaaraatorwhatMadhuriDixitworeinHumAapkeHainKaun.BeforemytriptoUzbekistan,IvisitedIceland.IwasasouthIndianwho

wasn’tusedtowearingasweateratanytimeoftheyear.ThenhowwouldIwearfivelayersofclothes?Imustbetheonlycrazyonewantingtovisitthecountry,orsoIthought.IwasprettysurethatIwouldn’trunintoanIndiantherebecauseofthefreezingtemperatures.WhenIfinallyreachedthecountryforaprearrangedtour,Imetanicelocal

guidewhogreetedmeinanaccentIcouldbarelyunderstand.‘Doyouwanttoseethelocalesofthe“Gerua”song?’heasked.Ididn’tunderstandawordandgazedathiminsilenceuntilhefeltvisibly

uncomfortable.SohedugaroundinhisbagandpulledoutaDVDofthemovie

DilwalestarringKajolandShahRukhKhan.‘Yes!’Iexclaimed,aslightdawnedonme.Ihadseenthemovieandhad

wonderedwhereoneofthesonganddancesequenceswasshot.OnthewaytoBlackSandbeach,heshowedusthevideoofthesong.The

blackpebblesandthefloatingicebergstookmybreathawayandweendedupspendingaconsiderableamountoftimethere.‘Wealllovethissong.IthasmadeIcelandverypopularwithyour

countrymenandenhancedourtourismprospects,’hesaid.Asweheadedbacktothehotel,aSpanishfellowtravellernexttomeadded,

‘Thatisverytrue.WehavebenefitedfromBollywood,too.The“Senorita”songfromthemovieZindagiNaMilegiDobarawhichwasshotinSpainhasmadeourcountrypopular.Themoviealsobroughtthetomatofestivaltothelimelight!’Inodded.‘ThemoviehasindeedmadeSpainafavouredholidaydestination

forIndians.WefancythecitiesofBarcelonaandMadridandtheLaTomatinofestival.Somebodyshouldconsidergivinganawardtothemovie’sdirectorZoyaAkhtarforenhancingthecountry’stourismincome.’IsatbackandmymindwanderedoverthejourneyofBollywoodfromblack

andwhitetocolourmovies,fromPrithvirajKapoortoRanbirKapoor,andfromthetouringtalkiesthatoperatedforonlythreemonthsayeartothemovie-on-demandaccessthatwehavetoday.Bollywoodhasgraduatedfrombeingapartofthemovieindustrytobecoming

avitalpartnerwhenitcomestobusinessgeneration.Allinall,itisagreatambassadorforouruniquecountry.

9RasleelaandtheSwimmingPool

HarikathaisatraditionalartformfromthestateofKarnatakawhereinanarratorordasa,alongwithasmalltroupe,goesfromvillagetovillageandsharesstoriesfromtheHinduscripturesandepics.Whentheyvisitedmyvillage,Shiggaon,theaudienceeagerlyassembledinthetempleforanall-nightperformance.Multiplestoriesweredepictedthroughdanceandtothetunesoftamburas.Theenactmentwasdependentsolelyontheexpertiseofthenarratorandthedance.Onesuchevening,IaccompaniedmycousinstotheHarikathaofGopika

VastraHarana.TheHarikathadasaofthistroupewasawell-knownpromoternamedGopinathwhowasknowntoportraystoriesfromtheBhagavataPuranaanddeeplyinvolvetheaudience.ThestorieswouldusuallycontaindescriptionsofKrishna’smischief,hismother’sloveandthecowherdgirls’(orgopikas’)adoration.Thatday,Gopinathbegan,‘Everybody,pleasecloseyoureyes.Todayisa

warmdayinthewondrouscityofVrindavan.Come,walkwithmetothebanksoftheriverYamuna.Thewateriscold,thelotusesarebloomingandtheriverflowslazily.Oncewearethere,justlookaroundyou.Youwillseebeautifulgopikassaunteringalong.Whatisthecolouroftheirclothes?’‘Redandgreen!’ayounggirlsaidoutloud.‘Yellowandorange,’saidanother.‘Nowlookatthatbigbeautifulgreentreeneartheriver,’saidGopinath.‘The

gopikashavechangedintotheirbathingrobesandlefttheirdryclothesonthebranchesofthesametree.Itistimefortheirbathandtheygetintothewaterand

beginsplashingeachother.Nowlet’ssearchforKrishna.Wheredoyouthinkheis?’‘He’sbehindthekadambatree,’someoneshoutedfromtheaudience.‘He’snexttoYashoda!’saidanothervoice.Gopinathcontinued,‘Let’sapproachKrishna.Thereheis—sittingonthehigh

branchofatreenearbyandwastinghistime.’‘Oh,heissuchaprankster,’saidayounggirlfromthetroupe—oneofthe

gopikas.‘ButIlikehim.Hebringsasmiletomylips.Mymother,however,getsupsetbecausehetakesawayallthebutterfromourhome.’ThenthetroupetookoverandtheHarikathacontinued.Awomanadded,‘Mymother-in-lawhasinstructedmenottospeakto

Krishnabecausehedrankallthemilkinourhouseafterenteringthroughthebackdoor.’Avoicecomplained,‘WheneverItakemypottofetchwater,hethrowsstones

atitandbreaksit.Myhusbandisquiteupset.’‘Wemustteachhimalesson,’insistedanotherfromthetroupe.‘Krishnaoverheardallofthis,’interjectedGopinath,‘andstealthilyhidtheir

clothes.Oncethegopikashadfinishedtheirbathintheriver,theywalkedovertothetreebutalas!Theirclotheswerenowheretobefound!Howwouldtheygobackhomeinminimalandwetclothing?Whohadstolentheirclothes?Justthen,theyheardmelodioustunesthatseemedtooriginatefromabovethem.Whentheylookedup,theysawKrishnaholdingtheirclothesinonehandandplayingtheflutewiththeother,withhiseyesclosed.Ofcourse!Hemusthaveheardthemcomplaininganddecidedtotakerevenge.Hewasn’tgoingtoreturntheclotheseasily.Sotheybegantopleadwithhim.Whatdidthewomensay?’Agirlfromtheaudienceyelled,‘OKrishna,pleasegivebackmysari.’‘Andminetoo!’shoutedanother.‘It’smyfavourite!’Thewomenbegangivingdescriptions,withtheireyesstillshut.‘Andthatblacksariwiththeredborderismine!’‘Oh,please,givemethatgreenandmango-colouredsari!’Gopinathwashappy.‘Ahyes,allofyouhaveseenKrishnanow,’hesaid.TheconversationsbetweenKrishnaandthegopikasandtheaudience

continueduntiltheyraisedtheirhandsandsurrendered,‘OKrishna!Youareakind-heartedboyandyouunderstandourhearts.Pleasegiveusthesaris.

Otherwiseweareleftwithnochoicebuttowalkhomeinourwetrobes.Wearecompletelydependentonyou.’‘Krishnasmiledandstartedthrowingdowntheclothes,’saidGopinath.‘The

gopikasworetheirsarisandaftertheywerewell-clothed,Krishnadescendedfromthetopandthedancingbegan.’Thesoundsofmusicanddancefilledtheairandthenightendedonajoyful

note.TheHarikathadasatoldustoopenoureyes.That’swhenwefoundoutthattwoandahalfhourshadpassed.Asayounggirl,Ihadavividimagination.Itwaseasytovisualizetheflowof

theriverYamuna,thepinklotuses,thebrightandcolourfulgopikas,LordKrishnaandhisnaughtybutcompassionateface,andthemusicfloatingfromhisflute.Iwasenchanted!Yearslater,IwenttoVrindavan.Tomyutterdisappointment,theYamuna

wasdirtyandmoreofarivuletthanafull-bodiedriver.Theplacewasnowcommercialized.AlmostallthepriestsIobservedweredirectingthedevoteestoatreewith

piecesofclothtiedtoit.‘LordKrishnasatonthistreeandthrewtheclothesdowntothegopikas,’theysaid.Devoteesbowedtothetreeandtiedasmallpieceofclothtoit.TheimagewasnotwhatIhadassociatedwiththestory.SoIclosedmyeyes

andturnedaway.‘Idon’twanttoseethisandruinmychildhoodimages,’Ithought.Ialsorealizedinmyadulthoodthatastorysuchasthismightbeconsidered

harassmentinthemodernworld.Butthetruthisthatsuchaconceptdidnotexistintheoldendays.Godisconsideredtobeanomnipotentfriend—someonewhoisapproachableandwhomwecanspeaktoatanytimeandanyhowwechoose.ThesetalesaremeanttobringoutthehumansideoftheLord,whileretainingthedevotiontowardshim.Soheisdepictedasanaughtyyounglad,nomorethaneightyearsold,whoenjoysspendingtimewithhisdevoteesandteasingthemwithloveandinnocence.ThisiswhythewomenalsoplayalonguntiltheycompletelysurrendertotheLord—agestureoffaithafterwhichhegivesthemwhatevertheyneed.Decadeslater,Ibecameagrandmothertotwolittlegirls—Krishnaand

Anoushka.Whentheygrewfromtoddlerstoyoungchildren,Idecidedtosharesomeofmychildhoodstorieswiththem.Ithoughtthattheywouldvisualizethe

someofmychildhoodstorieswiththem.IthoughtthattheywouldvisualizethescenesjustlikeIhad.Oneday,whenIwasplayingwiththemintheirresidenceinLondon,they

askedmeforastory.ItoldthemthesametaleofLordKrishnaandthegopikas.SinceIhadtheirattention,IaddedthestoryofAkshayaPatratoo.‘Draupadiwasveryhospitableandentertainedmanyguestswhenshewas

livinginIndraprastha.Unfortunately,duetoaturnofevents,shehadtoaccompanyherhusbandsonalongexileandfeltsadthatshecouldnolongertakecareoftheguestslikesheusedto.‘Herhusband,Yudhishthira,prayedtothesungod,Surya,andexplainedtheir

difficultyintakingcareoftheguests.SoSuryablessedthemandhandedthemavessel.“ThisisaspecialvesselknownasAkshayaPatra,”hesaid.“Youcanusethistofeedasmanypeopleasyouwant.Butononecondition...”‘“What’sthat?”askedYudhishthira.‘“Youcan’tcookanyfoodaftertheladyofthehousehaseaten.Thevessel

canbeusedagainonlyafterthenextsunrise.”‘Yudhishthiranodded.‘Happily,Draupadibeganfeedinghervisitorswithdifferentvarietiesoffood.‘Soon,thenewsofherpleasinghospitalityreachedDuryodhana’sears,who

feltjealousdespitethefactthathiscousinswereinexileandledamuchhumblerlifethantheywereusedto.Afewdayslater,theshort-temperedsageDurvasaarrivedatDuryodhana’spalaceandwastreatedasanesteemedguestandgivenallthatcouldbeoffered.‘Pleased,heblessedDuryodhana.“Iamhappywithyourhospitalitytowards

meandmydisciples.AskmewhateveryouwantandIwillfulfilyourwish.”‘Duryodhanaandhiseviluncle,Shakuni,hadalreadypre-decidedwhatthey

wouldaskfor,shouldDurvasagivethemsuchanopportunity.‘Hesmiled.“Mycousins,thePandavas,aredevoutandpious,”said

Duryodhana,pretendingtocareforthem.“Iwillbegratefulifyoucouldblessthemtoo.Ifyouleavenow,youwillreachtherelateintheevening.ThatisallIwant.”‘Durvasaagreedandsetoutwithhisgroup.‘Onthesurface,therequestwasasimpleoneandseemedtoshowthe

largenessofDuryodhana’sheart,butthetruthwasfarfromit.ShakuniandDuryodhanaknewthatbythetimeDurvasaandhisdisciplesreachedthe

Pandavas’home,DraupadiwouldhavefinishedhermealandthePandavaswouldn’tbeabletofeedallofthem.Thiswouldimmediatelyfuelthesage’swrath,whowasthenhighlylikelytocursethem.‘Afterajourneythattookmanyhours,DurvasareachedthePandavas’abode

andsaidtothem,“YourcousinDuryodhanaisanexcellenthost.Hehasrequestedmetoexperienceyourhospitalitytooandblessyou.MydisciplesandIwillfirstgoforabathintherivernearby.Pleasehaveourfoodreadyforusbythetimewereturn.”‘ThemomentDurvasaleft,Yudhishthirarushedintothekitchenandtohis

dismay,sawDraupadiwashingandcleaningtheAkshayaPatra.“Draupadi!Durvasawillsooncomeherewithhisstudentsforamealandyouhavealreadyeatenyours!Idon’twanttogetonhisbadside.Whatshouldwedo?”‘SunsetwasfastapproachingandDraupadiwasataloss.Unabletothinkofa

solution,herthoughtsturnedtoKrishna,whowasasgoodasabrothertoher.Justthen,sheheardthesoundofhorsesandachariotpullingupoutsidethehome.Shewalkedtowardstheentrancebutwithinseconds,Krishnawalkedinthroughtheopendoor.‘WhenhesawDraupadiandtherestofthePandavaswithlongfaces,he

asked,“Whyareyouallsosad?”‘Yudhishthiraexplainedthesituationtohim.“Bringthevesseltome,”said

Krishna.‘Withreluctance,DraupadifetchedtheAkshayaPatra,“There’snothingthere,

brother.Seeforyourself.”‘“Sister,youmaybeaqueenbutyouaredefinitelynotagoodcleaner.Look

atthis—youhaveleftagrainofrice.”‘Krishnapickedupthegrain,ateitandburpedratherloudly.“Iamhappyand

mystomachisfull.MayGodblessyou,”hesaidandimmediatelyleftbeforethePandavascouldstophim.‘Meanwhile,Durvasaandhisstudentswerefinishingtheirbathintheriver

whentheysuddenlyfeltasiftheyhadjusthadafullmeal.Theirstomachsfeltextremelyfullandsatisfied.‘Theylookedateachother.“Sir,”astudentgatheredhiscourageandspoketo

Durvasa.“Wearefeelingfullandcan’teatanymore.Let’sskipthevisittothePandavas’homebecausewewon’tbeabletoeatanythingandthatmightoffendthem.”

them.”‘Durvasasmiledandsaid,“Yes,mychildren,Iunderstandhowyoufeel.

Whilethereisnoendtogreedinlife,hungerisonethingthathasitslimitation.Onceyouarefull,nomatterwhatyousayordo,youjustcan’tforceyourselftoeat.IwillblessthePandavasfromhereandwecanleave.”’Oncethestoryhadended,bothKrishnaandAnoushkalookedatmyface.‘NowthatIhavetoldyoutwostoriestoday,youmustthinkaboutthemand

repeatthemtometomorrow!’Isaid.Thetwogirlswaltzedtheirwaytotheirroom,discussingthelaststorywith

eachother.IwashappythatIhadtaughtthemtwoimportantmythologicalstoriesina

verysimplemanner.Thenextmorningafterbreakfast,Krishnacameandsatnexttome.‘Ajji,’she

said.‘Ihavechangedalittlebitofyourstory.’‘Tellmethen.’AnoushkaalsojoinedusandKrishnabegan,‘Krishnawasacutelittleboy

whowasverynaughty.Hewouldfrequentlyvisithisfriends’homes,openthefridgewithoutpermissionandeatwhateverhewantedto.Thisupsetthemothersandyeteverybodywasfondofhim.’‘Hetookpizzas,pastas,sandwiches,cheese,butter,yogurt,fruitsand

everythingthatcaughthisfancy,’addedAnoushkaandgiggled.‘Bequiet!Iamtheonetellingthestory,’saidKrishna.‘ItwastheChristmas

seasonandallschoolswereclosed.Oneday,thegirlsandtheirmothersdecidedtomeetattheindoorswimmingpool.Oncetheywerethere,theychangedintotheirswimwear,kepttheclothesinthelockers,leftthekeysononeofthebenchesinthechangingroom,showeredandjumpedintothepool.‘Soontheywereintheheatedpoolsplashingaround,despitethefreezing

temperaturesoutside.‘Whattheydidn’tknowwasthatKrishnawasalsothere.Hesawthegirls

fromthefirstfloorandopenedthewindowoverlookingthepool.‘Thegirlsweretalkingabouthim.“Oh,Krishnaissoadorablebuthetroubles

me,”saidoneofthem.“TheotherdayheatemycookiesbutIdidn’tcomplaintoanyone.”‘“Oh,hestealsmypencilssooften!”‘“Yourpencils?Hetakesmytoys!”anothergirlwhined.‘“Wemustinformtheheadmistress.”

‘“Wemustinformtheheadmistress.”‘Krishnaheardthecomments,wenttothechangingroom,foundthelocker

keysandslippedaway.‘Aftertheswim,thegirlsandthemothersshoweredandwenttogathertheir

clothesfromthelockers.Butthekeysweremissing!‘“Whohastakenourkeys?”theyaskedthestaff.‘“Ma’am,onlygirlsareallowedhereatthistimeoftheday.Nobodyelsecan

enter.”‘“Butwearemiserable,coldandwet,”saidoneofthemothers.“Howwillwe

gohome?”‘“Mynewshoesarealsointhelocker!”agirlyelled.‘“Ihaveabirthdaypartytoattendafterthisandmydressisinsidethelocker!

WhatshouldIdonow?”‘Theattendantdidn’tknowwhattodo.“Givemeafewminutes.Letmespeak

tothemanager,”shesaid.‘Suddenly,thetunesfromaharmonicafloatedtowardsthem.Theylooked

towardsthesourceofthebeautifulmusicandsawKrishnaonthefirstfloorpatioalmostrightabovethem.Therewasabunchofkeysdanglingfromoneofhisfingers.‘Onceherealizedthattheyhadseenhim,hestoppedplayingtheharmonica.

“Girls,ifyoucomplainaboutmetotheheadmistress,noneofyouwillgetyourclothesback.”‘“Wewillsueyou!”saidagirl.‘“Youcansuemeallyouwant,butyoucan’tgoanywherewithoutyour

clothes.Afterall,itissnowingoutside!”‘“OKrishna,weareverysorry,”saidthegirlsinunison.‘“Ifwewantedtocomplain,wewouldhavealreadydoneso.Youaredearto

usandweloveyourpranks!Youknowthatit’sthetruth.Sostopthis.Wewillcatchacoldstandingherelikethis.Youdon’twantustofallsick,doyou?”saidoneofthemorelogicalgirls.‘Krishnasmiledandthrewthekeystothegirls.Thentheyallgotdressedand

wentwithKrishnatothenearestcaféforahotchocolate.’Mygranddaughterendedherstory.Anoushkaclappedloudlyandlaughed.Shehadenjoyedthestory!

Inoddedtoshowmyappreciation.ThetruthwasthatIwascompletelyunpreparedforthisnewvariationofthestorythatseemedtobesetinLondon.TheoldstorymademevisualizetheriverYamuna,itscoldwater,thefloatinglotusesandaflute-playingKrishnabutthisurbanversionoftheLordwastoohardformetorelateto!Hesitantly,IturnedtoAnoushka.WhatversionofthesecondstorywouldI

hearnext?Rightoncue,Anoushkastarted,‘Draupadiwasabeautifulandpowerful

queen.Oneday,sheleftthecityanddecidedtostayinavillagefaraway.Shedrankclearwaterfromthestream,pickedorganicfooddirectlyfromthetreesandplantsandcookedforalltheguestswhocamehome.However,thefoodwasinsufficientsometimes.Sheexplainedthisproblemtoherhusband,Yudhishthira,who,inturn,sharedtheissuewithafriend,Surya.‘Suryawasveryresourceful.HegiftedYudhishthiraandDraupadiaspecial

cookerandsomeadditives.Hesaid,“Wheneveryoumakericeinthis,addthesehealthyadditives.Twospoonsofthiscookedricewillbeenoughforoneperson.Youwon’thavetocooklargequantitiesorspendhoursinsearchoffood.ButDraupadi,onceyoueat,cleanthevesselanddon’tcookinitagainthatday.Thiswillkeepthebacteriaawayandensurethatthefoodremainshygienic.Sobecarefulaboutthewayyouuseit.”‘Draupadinodded.Fromthatdayon,shemadethespecialorganicriceforher

guests.‘Oneday,herunclecamewithoutinformingher,withmanypeopleintow.He

said,“Draupadi,Ihaveheardthatyoumaketastyrice.Iwanttotrythattoday.MygroupandIwillgoforaswimfirstandthencomebackforthedeliciousmeal.”‘Draupadiwasupset.First,herunclehadn’tinformedherinadvanceand

second,hesimplyshowedupontheirdoorstepwithsomanyotherstofeed!Besides,shehadalreadyeatenandcleanedthevessel.ShewasabouttogiveheruncleapieceofhermindbutYudhishthirastoppedher.“Unclehashelpedusmanytimes,dearwife.Pleasedon’tsayanythingtohim.Youknowhowshort-temperedheis!Let’snotdoanythingthatwewillregretlater.”‘Draupadiwasworried.Howwouldshefeedsomanypeoplenow?She

immediatelycalledherbrotherKrishnawhowaskind,helpfulandastrategic

thinker.Hecametoherassistanceandaskedhertoshowhimthevessel.Hetookthelastgrainofricestuckatthecornerofthevesselandateit.‘“Hmm,thericeisindeedverytastybutIamsurethatyouruncleandthe

otherguestswillnotcomebackforit.”‘“Why?”askedDraupadi.‘“Theyknowwhy,”hesaidwithamysterioussmileandleftforan

appointment.‘Meanwhile,attheswimmingpool,eachmemberofthegroupswalloweda

littlebitofthechlorinewater.Sincethechlorinelevelwashighthatday,allofthemsoonbeganfeelinguncomfortableandkeptrunningtothebathroom.Finally,Unclesaidtothegroup,“Ithinkwehaveallfallensickandarelowonenergyatthemoment.LetusnotgotoDraupadi’shomeforthebigmeal.Itisbesttogiveourstomachsalittlebreak.”‘Thegroupmurmuredinagreement.‘SoUnclecalledDraupadionhercellphoneandsaid,“Mydearchild,please

excuseus.Wewillnotbeabletoeatatyourhometoday.Ipromisewewillcomeanothertime.”‘Draupadismiled.Asalways,herbrotherhadcometoherrescue!“Youare

alwayswelcomehere,Uncle,butpleaseletmeknowinadvancenexttime,”shesaidandhungup.’Iwasstumped.Thestorieshadbeentransformed,andhow!Afterthat

reinvention,Ididn’thavethegutstosharethestoryofDraupadi’sdisrobingintheroyalcourt!

10ADayinInfosysFoundation

Shobaisoneofmyschoolfriends.InasmalltownlikeHubli,itiscommonforclosefriendstobecomeascomfortablewitheachotherassiblings.Aslifeusuallyturnsout,wewalkeddowndifferentpathsandShobasettleddowninHubli,whileImovedtoBengaluru.Herchildren,likemanyothersinKarnataka,becamesoftwareengineersandmovedtoBengaluru.SoShobafrequentedthecitytovisitherchildrenandoftencalledonmewheneverpossible.Oneday,shephonedmyoffice.SinceIwasinameeting,Ipassedona

messagetoherthatIwouldcallherbacklater.WhenIreachedouttoherintheevening,sheasked,‘Whydidyoutakesolongtoreturnmycall?’‘Shoba,Igottimetoreturnmypersonalcallsjustashortwhileago.’‘Iknowthatyouareverybusy,’shesaid,soundingalittleconcerned.‘Butit’s

sodifficulttoreachyouwhenIwantto—sometimesyouareatworkortravellingoroutforanappointmentevenduringthehourswhenIthinkyoumightbeathome.Ionlywantedtoinviteyouformygrandson’sfirstbirthday.ItisonMondayandyoumustcomeatwhatevertimeisconvenientforyou.’‘OhShoba!Itisalmostimpossibleformetovisityouonaworkingday,

especiallyMonday.’‘Can’tyouspareonehourforaclosefriend?’askedShoba,thewayonlyold

friendscando.‘Iknowthatyouarethechairpersonofafoundationandyoumustbehavingvisitorsallthetimeaskingyouforgrants,butyoucanalwaysrescheduleorrefusetomeetthem.Theywillcomeagain,I’msure!’‘Itisn’tthatsimple,’Ireplied.‘WiththetwohoursthattakesfromJayanagar

toyourhomeandback,halfmydaywillbegone.Adayatthefoundationis

filledwithmanyactivities,someofwhicharen’teasytoexplain.Forsomeonewhodoesn’tworkthere,itmayappeartobetheapparentsimpletaskofgivingmoneyorgrants.IfyoureallywanttoknowwhatIdo,thencomeandshadowmeforaday.Maybethenyouwillgetaglimpseintothecomplicatednatureofsocialwork.’Enthusiastically,Shobaagreedandafewweekslater,onaMonday,she

joinedmeforadayattheoffice.Iwashappythatshehadcome.Itoldher,‘Youwillonlyobserveandnot

commentorparticipateasIgoaboutmyday!Isthatokay?’Shesmiledandnodded.Meanwhile,Igavemyassistant,Asha,alistofpeoplewithwhomIneededto

speaktothatmorning.Soon,thephonerang.Ashasprangintoactionandansweredthecall.Avoicespoke,‘WearefromHubliandknowMrsSudhaMurtyverywell.I’d

liketospeakwithher.’‘Whatisyourname,madam?’‘Usha.UshaPatil.’Ashaturnedtome,‘UshaPatilisontheline.MayIconnecthertoyou?’UshaisacommonnameinHubliandsoisthelastnamePatil.Iknewatleast

tenUshaPatilsfromHubli—aneighbour,aclassmate,acousin,acousin’swife,awriter,anacquaintance,atemplepriest’sdaughterandafewmoreandIwonderedwhothispersonwas.Ashaseemedtobeataloss,justlikeme.ItookthephonefromAsha.‘SudhaMurtyhere,’Isaid.‘IamUshaPatilfromKundgol,avillagenearHubli.Mysonneedsajob...’‘DoIknowyou?’‘No,butyouarefromHubli.That’swhyIamsurethatyouwillhelpsomeone

fromthere.’‘Ushaji,whydidyousaythatyouknowme?’‘Idoknowyouthroughnewspapersandtelevision,’shejustified.‘ButIdidn’t

saythatyouknewme.Keepingthataside,mysoniskeenongettingemployedsoon.’Iwasfirm.‘IamnotresponsibleforrecruitingpeopleatInfosys.Pleaseemail

thehumanresourcesdepartmentforthisastheyhavetheirownprocedure.’‘Butifyouputinaword,theywon’trefuseyourrequest,’shepersisted.

‘Butifyouputinaword,theywon’trefuseyourrequest,’shepersisted.‘I’msorry,Ushaji,butthisisamatterofhiringprofessionalsandemployees

arehiredonlyafterinterviewsandtests.Irunthefoundationanddon’tinterferewiththeprocessofanotherdepartment.’Ushawasn’tconvinced.Shesoundedreluctant.‘Thenwillyougivemethe

detailsofanappropriatecontact?’‘Youcansendtheresumeviaemail,’Ireplied.‘PleaseholdonforamomentwhileIfindapenandtakedowntheemail

address.’Ididn’thavetimetowaitandgavethephonebacktoAsha,‘Giveherthe

recruitmentemailaddressandfromnowon,whensomeonesaysthattheyknowmewell,pleasealsoaskifIknowthem.’Iwentandsatdowntocheckmyemails.Leena,mysecretary,said,‘Madam,thereare410emailsforyoutoday.’Thenumberwasnotunusual.‘Let’sseparateitbasedonitscategoryandthen

startfromthebottom.’Oncethatwasdone,webegan.ThefirstwasanemaildescribingmeasifI

weresomekindofagoddess.‘Leena,justreadthelastline,’Isaid.‘Therequestisforagranttobuildatemple,’Leenaexplained.Thefoundationdoesnothelpwithanyreligiousconstructionsorrestorations

unlessitisofarchaeologicalimportance,asdeclaredbythestateorcentralgovernment.‘Pleasesendourregrets,’Isaid.BythetimeLeenaandImovedtothenextemail,mostofthecellphones

beganchimingintheofficeindicatingthatwehadreceivedseveralmessages.Theywereallinresponsetoonethatsaid,‘InfosysFoundationisgivingscholarshipstoallthosewhoapply.Contactthefoundationimmediately.’Thephonesalsobeganringing.Thenewswasabsolutelyuntrue.Severalyearsago,thefoundationhad

offeredlimitedscholarships,buttheprogrammehadbeenterminatedbasedontheexitpolicyattheendofthespecifiedterm.Despitethis,wewereawarethatsomepeoplewerefloatingthisinformationontheinstantmessagingapplicationWhatsApp.Asaresult,studentsandparentsofteninundateduswithemails,lettersandphonecalls.IaskedAshatoreplytoeachqueryinthesamemodethatitwasreceived.I

knewitwouldkeepAshabusyforafewhours.Oncethatwasdone,LeenaandIopenedthesecondemail.Auniversity

Oncethatwasdone,LeenaandIopenedthesecondemail.Auniversitywantedtoconferanhonorarydoctorateonme.LeenawasthrilledbutIwasn’t.Soonenough,wereadtherelevantline,‘Once

youreceivethedoctorate,youwillbecomeanalumnus,andwearesurethatyouwillhelptheuniversityinanywaythatyoucan.’Iscratchyourbackandyouscratchmine.‘Pleasedeclinethedoctorate

politely,’ItoldLeena.Thenextrequestwasaninvitationtobethechiefguestforacollege’sannual

dayinMumbai.WhileIusuallycan’tgotomostoftheeventsthatcomemyway,Imakeanefforttoattendatleastafew.LeenatoldmethattheeventwasonlyfortwohoursbutthetraveltimetoMumbaiandbackwouldtakeoneandahalfdays.Iconsidereddecliningit,butthenthoughtofthestudents,whoIalwaysholddear.‘IfIamgoingtoMumbaithatdayforwork,Iwillattendit,’Isaid.Shecheckedmydiary.‘YouaregoingtobeinMumbaiformeetingsinthe

afternoononthatdateandthereareafewavailablehoursinthemorning.Luckily,thevenueisclosetotheairportandyoucangothereafteryouland.WecanrescheduletheflightandyoucanleaveearlyinthemorningfromBengaluru.’‘TellthecollegemanagementthatIwillbethereslightlyearlyat9.30a.m.

andmustdepartby11a.m.’Theshrillringingofthephoneonmydeskinterruptedourconversationand

Ashaimmediatelytookthecall,‘Hello?’Afewsecondslater,shehandedmethephone,‘Kasabisontheline.’Iwasfrightened.Atthetime,KasabwasaPakistanimilitantconvictedforthe

Tajhotelbombingon26/11inMumbai.AsfarasIknew,hehadbeenexecuted.Butsometimesnothingisasitseems.‘Washereallycallingme?Andwhy?’ItoldAshatogivemeaminutetogathermythoughtsandtoinformKasab

thatIwouldspeakwithhim.Shespoketohimbrieflyandturnedtome.‘Kasabisveryangry.He’ssaying

thathe’sapatrioticcitizenandisaskingmewhyIamaddressinghiminthismanner.’Iwasconfused.‘Whatdidyousaytohim,Asha?’‘Icalledthenumberfromthelistyougavemeearlierinthemorningandtold

himtoholdwhileItransferredthecalltoyourphone.’

himtoholdwhileItransferredthecalltoyourphone.’‘InevergaveyouKasab’snumbernordidIaskyoutocallsomeonebythat

name.Kasabisdeadandgone.Doyouevenknowwhohewas?’‘Idon’tknow,’sherepliedcasually,leastbotheredabouttheaffairsofthe

state.‘Givemethephone.’Icouldhearamanfumingontheotherend.‘Hello?’Isaid.‘MygrandfatherwasafreedomfighterandIhaveservedthecountryasanex-

MLA.Iamproudofmyheritage.HowdareyoucallmeKasab?’Isighed.AshahadcalledKasabeandmispronouncedhisnametosoundlike

thatofthenotoriousterrorist.Itwasanabsolutedishonourandaninsulttoatruepatriot.‘Iamextremelysorryfortheconfusion,sir.’Iapologized.‘ThisisSudha

Murty.ItoldmystafftocallyousothatIcouldinformyouthatIwon’tbeabletocomefortheweddingasIhavetotravelonthesameday.ButIwillvisityourhomeonmywaytotheairport.’Hearingmyvoice,Kasabecalmeddown.AfterIdisconnectedthecall,I

turnedtomyassistant,‘WhydidyoucallhimKasab?’‘Madam,therewerethreephonesringingatthesametime.IthoughtIcalled

himKasabe,maybehemisheardit.WhywillIcallhimadifferentnameonpurpose?’Meanwhile,theofficemanager,Krishnamurthy,approachedmeandsaid,

‘Madam,thepaymentvouchersareready.’Ourofficeiscashlessandsoareitstransactions.Thispolicyturnedouttobea

boonduringthedemonetizationofcurrencyin2016aswewererelativelyunaffected.Prashant,theCSRmanager,interruptedus,‘Didyoupromiseamatching

granttoouremployees’non-profitarmduringyourrecentvisittoChandigarh?’‘Yes,Idid,’Ireplied.‘ItisagoodwaytoinvolvetheminsomeofourCSR

effortsandwillinspirethemtopoolinmoneyforsomeoftheactivities.Ihaveencouragedthisinotherdevelopmentcentrestoo,suchasHyderabad,Pune,Mangalore,Thiruvananthapuram,ChennaiandBhubaneswar.’Prashant’sforeheadcreasedwithobviousworry.‘Weareovershootingthe

allocatedfundsforthisyear.Itdoesn’tmatchwithourplanfortheyear.Pleasereviewourlatestbudget.’

reviewourlatestbudget.’Iunderstoodhisconcern.Prashantmonitoredthefinancesandkeptaclose

eyeonthebudget.‘Wewillmanageit.Itisbettertohavedeservingprojectsinthepipelinethan

toworryaboutthebudget.Wecanrequestformoremoneyifneeded.Thereareprojectsthatmaygetdelayedoraren’treadyyet,sothereisnoneedtoworry.’SinceIwasonceaprofessor,Ioftentalklikeateachertoeveryoneinmy

office.Mostofthetime,PrashantandShrutee,theprogramdirector,endupbeingthetargetofmywisdom-sharingtalksbecausetheyareresponsiblefortheannualbalancesheetsandreachingourCSRgoals.Despitemyregularinterventions,theywereoftenapprehensivewhenour

commitmentsexceededthefinancesinhand.ThenextphonecallwasfromthemanagementoftheBannerghattaNational

Parkforagrantupdate.Duringthepastsummer,wehadlearntthattheanimalstheresufferedfroman

acuteshortageofdrinkingwater.Theauthoritieshadconstructedatubforthetigerstositinbutthewaterhadtobechangedeveryfewdaystoavoidinfectionanddisease.Tigersweredifficulttotreatwhentheywereunwellandhence,thecaretakerswerealwayswaryaboutthewater.SoIcalledoneofourcontractorsandinstructedhimtodigborewellsinaccessibleareasandalsoconstructanoverheadwatertank.Manytriedtodissuadeusduetothelackofwaterintheareabutwewentaheadanyway.Wehadtotryforthesakeoftheanimals.Thecallwastoinformusthattherewasplentyofwaterintheborewells.The

animalswouldfinallygetenoughgoodqualitywaterandremainfreefromdiseasesasmuchaspossible.IthankedGodforthisgreatgesture.IglancedatLeena.Shewasstillbusysortingtheemailsintovarious

categoriessuchastravel,pending,appointments,regretsandnewinitiatives.Everyonewasimmersedintheirwork.Attimes,IfeellikeIdonothavemuch

todoasmostofitisappropriatelyhandled.Onlyafewnewproposals,exceptionsorescalationsusuallycomemyway.ItwastimeforShrutee’sappointmentwithavisitor.Shewentupstairstothe

conferenceroomforthemeetingwhileIbeganscanningthesnailmailkeptformeevenasthephoneskeptringing.Afterafewminutes,oneofourcontractorscalledforanurgentupdate.

‘Madam,’hesaid,‘someworkerswentonholidayaweekagoandhaven’t

returnedyet.Ifwehavetoworkwiththeexistingworkersalone,theprojectwillbedelayedbyonemonth.’‘Youcan’tdothis!’Iprotested.‘Ihavealreadyinvitedthechiefministerfor

theinaugurationandeverythinghasbeenplanned.Youmustfinishitsomehow.’‘Madam,please,thentellmewhattodo.’Ididn’tknowwhathecoulddo,butkeptinsistingthatheshouldcompletethe

workfaster.Afteralongdiscussion,heagreedtohastenhisworkanddelaybyonlyfifteendays.Itwouldberightontimefortheinauguration.Experiencehastaughtmethatdelayshappeninmostconstructionworks,nomatterhowgoodapersonisinprojectmanagement,andhenceIallowedsomeleeway.Justthen,Shruteerequestedmetojoinherforthemeeting.‘Ihave

communicatedourdecisionregardingtheproposal,’shesaid.‘Buttheteamwantstomeetyou.Therearethreeofthem.Ithinkit’sbettertomeetthemorelsetheywilldefinitelyvisitagain.’AtInfosysFoundation,wehaveourownstrategiesandpolicies.Forinstance,

wedon’tapprovegrantsforpoliticalpartiesandnoconsiderationisgiventocaste,creedorreligionduringproposalreviews.Thereisanexitpolicy,aninternalandexternalauditandathird-partyassessmentforeveryproject,andweareinclinedtowardsreleasingmoneyininstalments.Theprojectwasn’tagoodfitforusandhenceShruteehadchosentodecline

it.Hereatthefoundation,webelievethatifwearerefusingaproposal,thenwe

mustcommunicateitassoonaspossible.Adinishturaisbetterthanantyanishtura,whichmeansthataninitialdisappointmentisbetterthanadisagreementattheend.‘Okay,Iwillcome,’Isaidandaccompaniedherupstairs.Mostpeopleinsistonmeetingme.Afewthinkthatiftheyputpressureonme

directly,Imightgivein,buttheydon’tknowthetruth—ShruteeandIarealwaysonthesamepage.ButIdecidedtomeetthevisitorstohelpShrutee.JustasIexpected,they

elaboratedonthemeritsoftheirproposalforthenextthirtyminutes.Intheend,Isaid,‘Providinggrantsisnotakintoapprovingwhateverwefeellike.Pleaseunderstandthattherearecertainsystemsandprocessesinplacehere.Shrutee

hascommunicatedtherightdecisionandunfortunately,wewillnotbeabletobeapartofthis.’Theywereupset,butnothingfurthercouldbedoneatthispoint.Therearetimeswhenthecompanydirectorsforwarduslettersandrequests

thatcometothem.Weevaluatethemobjectivelyandrejectorapprovethem.Ithankthemanagementforneverpressuringusorinfluencingtheprocess.Itwastimeforlunch.Sincemyhousewasnearby,IsaidtoShoba,‘Let’sgo

eatandcomebacksoon.’Athome,asecurityguardinformedmethatmydaughter,Akshata,hadcalled.WhenIcalledherback,shethrewaflurryofquestionsatme.‘Wherewere

youyesterday?Areyouunwell?Orhassomethinghappenedtherethatyouaren’ttellingme?Ihavebeensoworried.’Iwassurprisedbyhertone.‘IamrighthereinBengaluru.Iwasattending

meetingsallday.Whyareyouworried?’‘WhenIspoketothesecuritystaffyesterdayinthemorning,theysaidthat

youwereinthetoilet.WhenIphonedintheafternoon,theyagainsaidthatyouwereinthetoilet.Itwasthesamestoryintheeveningandlateratnight,theysaidthatyouweresleeping.Thismorning,theysaidthatyouhadleftforoffice.Isentyouanemailbutdidn’thearback.Whywereyouintherestroomallday?’Shesoundedanxious.Calmly,Isaid,‘Breathe,Akshata!Dosomepranayamaeveryday.Ihadgone

forasitevisittocheckthestatusofourrecentlyinauguratedtoilets.Thiswasfollowedbyothermeetingsandapaneldiscussiononhowtoconstructthem.ItoldthesecuritystaffthatIwasgoingforthetoiletprojectworkandmaybehemisunderstooditandonlyrememberedthewordtoilet.Don’tbesoafraid!Asforyouremail,Ihaven’tseenityetasithasbeenabusyday!’Icouldhearanimmediatesighofrelief.Afterhangingup,Iwenttothemaingateandaskedthesecurityguardthere,

‘Didn’tIinformallofyouthatIwouldbebacklatebecauseofthetoiletproject?’‘Iwasn’tonduty,madam.Yesterday’sguardhasanearinfectionandhas

takenthedayoff.’Well,thatexplainedtheguard’sinabilitytohearthedaybefore.ButIsure

spentalotoftimeinthetoilet!Ismiledtomyselfandwentbackinside.

Duringlunch,mycookandIbeganmakingthegrocerylist.Hewantedtoknowthenumberofpeoplecominghomefordinnerandthemenuforthenight.Mymind,however,wasstillinofficemattersanditwasdifficulttomakethesuddenswitchtothedomesticconversation.Isaid,‘Let’stalkaboutitlaterintheevening.Tillthen,justmakewhatyoucanwithwhateverisavailable.’Afteraquicklunch,ShobaandIreturnedtotheoffice.Mynextappointmentwasonethathadbeenputoffalongtimeago.Atfirst,

allthethreemenwhocamespoketogetherandIcouldn’tunderstandanything.SoIaskedthemtospeakoneatatime.‘Ihavereceivedmanyawardsinthisareaofwork,’saidthefirst.Thesecondoneadded,‘AndIhavethepoliticalconnectionstomakethings

happen.’‘Letmefirsttellyouwhywehavecomehereandhowwewillhelptheurban

poorthroughthedrinkingwaterproject,’saidthethird.‘Pleaseallowmetoaskyouafewquestions,’Isaidgently.‘Haveyougoneto

theproposedareawhereyouintendtowork?Andifso,whatisthedistributionofthepopulationandtheratioofthenumberofmalestothenumberoffemales?’Thethreefellsilent.Ichangedthelineofquestioning.‘Wherewillyougetthesupplyofdrinking

waterfrom?’Noresponse.‘Isthereanexistingsysteminplacethatdoesn’twork?Andifso,whynot?’I

triedagain.Withnoanswersinsight,Igaveup.‘Pleaseprepareawell-researched

proposalandexecutionplanwithalltheseanswers.Afterthat,wewilldiscussitatthenextinternalreview.Ifyougivemethedetailsofthelocation,Iwillmakeapersonalvisitthere,’Isaid.‘Itreallydoesn’tmatterwhoisrulingtheareapoliticallyorwhowillbestowawardsuponus.Wespecificallytargettheunderprivilegedandhopetohelpthemthroughoureffortsandseethemsmile.’Thethreemenseemeddisappointed,mostlikelybecauseIhadn’tcommitted

anyfundsfortheirproject.WhileIwassayinggoodbye,therewasaknockonthedoorandLeenacame

in.‘Madam,youhavetoreconsideryourtravelplans.Inyourabsencelastweek,

Ireceivedmanyphonecallsfromalloverthecountryforprojectvisitsindifferentlocations.WehavetoallocatethesitevisitsbetweenPrashant,Shruteeandyou.Ineedsomeofyourtimetoblockthedatestoday.’Iglancedatthecalendarintheroom.‘FixmytoursfortheweekendssoIcan

continuewithmyroutineworkonweekdays.IfIhavetovisitDelhi,thenplanallmyprojectvisitsaroundtheregion,includingplaceslikeJammuandLucknow,atthesametime.Iwanttoavoidunnecessarytripsasmuchaspossible.’Leenanoddedandwentbackwithadeterminedglintinhereye.Shewould

figureoutthejigsawpuzzleofmytravelplansherself.Imademywaytomyroom.Alltheemailshadbeensortedanddirectedtothe

appropriatepeople.Iwentthroughtheonesleftformeandbeganrespondingtothem.Next,Iswitchedovertothephysicalmails.Oneofmygoalsistohavea

paperlessoffice,butIdon’tseeithappeninganytimesoon.Westillreceivehardcopiesofbrochures,requestlettersandinvitations.SinceIamanauthor,Ireceivemanycomplimentarybookstoo.Itisarunning

jokethatthenumberofauthorsexceedsthenumberofreadersthesedays.Someofthewritersrequestforaforeword,otherswantmetopromotetheirbooksbystockingtheminlibrariesandschools,andafewwanttoknowmyopinionontheirbooks.Someauthorssendustheiroriginalmanuscriptsandaskustosenditback,whichcausesunnecessaryhassles.Thebooksforlibrariesarehandedovertoaselectioncommittee,whiletheforewordandopinionrequestsaredeclinedmostofthetimeduetomytightschedule.Byevening,ourtrashbinsareusuallyfull.Thentherearelettersfrommyreaderstothefoundationoffice.Thesearea

mixedbag—somesharetheirexperiences,somecriticizecertainaspectsofmywritingwhileothersappreciateit.Itakethesehometoanswerduringmypersonalhours.Mytaskwasinterruptedbyacallfromanewschannel.Thejournalistasked

me,‘Whatisyouropiniononthecurrentgovernment?Whatareyourthoughtsaboutthedemonetizationofcurrencyanditsexecution?’Ideclinedtocomment.ImaybegoodatwhatIdobutIhadnoexpertisein

suchmatters.

Ibegansiftingthroughtheletters,someofwhichIroutedtoLeenaforasuitablereply.Therewasabunchoflettersfromthefamiliesofarmymartyrsthankingthefoundationforoursmallcontribution.Twootherscaughtmyattention—onewasfromthecentralgovernmentandanotherfromthestategovernment.Bothwerereachingouttothefoundationtoseekhelpforsomeprojects.Thesewereaddedtotheagendaforthenextweek’sinternalreview.Leenacameintogivemeanupdate.‘Madam,Ihaveworkedoutyourtravel

plans.Youwillbetravellingfifteendaysamonthforthenextthreemonths.Besideslosingmostoftheweekends,youwillalsomissyourdistantniece’sweddingandyourfather’sdeathanniversary.Isthatokay?’‘That’sfine,Leena.Thankyou.Myfatherhastaughtmethatworkisworship

andIknowthathewouldunderstandifhewashere.’LeenahandedovermytraveldetailstoKrishnamurthy,whoimmediately

startedarrangingmyticketsandaccommodationatthecompanyguesthouseswhereverpossible.Stayingattheguesthousesallowseasiercoordinationofmyplansandalsoallowsustosavemoneythatwewouldotherwisehavetospendonhotels.Minuteslater,Shruteecameby.‘Ihavesomegoodnews,’shesaid.‘Theboys

whomwesupportedintheMathematicsOlympiadhavegotadmissioninMITandCaltech.Intheirmediainterview,theythankedthefoundationprofuselyandsaidthatoursmallgiftoftenthousandrupeestowardstheireffortpushedthemtochoosescience.ThereisalsoanemailfromPavagada.Theselflessswamijiwhoworksforblindchildrenhaswrittenthatthemiddaymealprogrammehasbeensuccessfulinmakingthechildrenstayinschool.Thedonationfortheirmusicclasseshasalsomadethemhappy.Theyevenreceivedanawardrecently.Hehassentpicturesoftheirbrightlittlefacessmilingwithpride.’Oncesheleft,Isatinsilenceforafewminutes.Theloudringingofthephonejoltedmeoutofmythoughts.Outofinstinct,I

pickedupthephonebutLeenawasalreadyontheotherextensionwiththecaller.ThepersonwasscreamingatLeena,‘Ideservemoremoneyfromthefoundationthanwhattheyhavegivenme.Youareonlyasecretary.ConnectmetoyourbossandtellthemwhoIam.Ifyoudon’t,Iwillgotothemediaandtellthemaboutthefoundation.Sobecarefulbeforeyourespond.’IimmediatelywenttoLeenainthenextroomandtookthephonefromher.‘Sir,whatistheproblem?’Iasked.

‘Sir,whatistheproblem?’Iasked.‘Irequestedfortwocroresforaschoolbutyouhavegivenustwolakhs—itis

apittanceforthefoundation.Iwant...no,Idemandanexplanation.IamaninfluentialactivistandcantarnishthenameofthefoundationifIwantto.’‘Sure.Iwillgiveyouanexplanation.Wegetmorethanahundredgenuine

applicationsandaroundtwohundredcallseveryday.Wedon’tworkunderanysortofpressurenordowecaretogainanyadvantagefromourgrants.Thereisanestablishedprocessinplaceandwehavetodistributethegrantstothebestofourjudgement.Wedonotincreaseourgrantswithoutareviewoftheprogressmade.Experiencehastaughtusthattheworkspeaksforitself.Besides,therearetrusteeswhoarealsoinvolvedwiththedecision-making.Wemaynotbethereinthefoundationatafuturedate,buttheestablishedprocesseswillcontinue.Imustalsotellyouthatwearen’tafraidofthemediabecausewehaven’tdoneanythingwrongorunderwraps.’Themancalmeddownandclearedhisthroat.‘Well,ifwedowellandclear

thereview,thenwillyouhelpusnextyear?’‘Maybe.Wehelpmanyorganizationsandarenotafraidofapproachingthe

goodonesourselves.Itisthequalityofworkthatattractsusandwedonotworryaboutpotentialthreatsortheconnectionsofourbeneficiaries.’Icouldhearamurmurthatvaguelyseemedtosoundlikeanapology.Ihadhadaharddayandwasinnomoodtolethimoffthehook.‘Sir,wealso

havedifficultdaysatthefoundationbutwetrytoensurethatitdoesnotaffectourrelationshipswithothers,’Igaveadvicethatnobodyaskedmefor.Aglanceattheclockconfirmedthatitwasalmost5.30p.m.Iwasplanningto

staybackalittlelongerbutShobastoodupfromthechairnearby.‘IthinkIwillleave,’shesaid.Iwalkedwithhertillthemaingatetoseeheroff.Ontheway,shepassedthe

reception,wherewehaddisplayedsomeofourawards.‘Areyouproudofallthese?’sheaskedandpointedattheawards.‘Inmyyoungerdays,Iwas.Astheyearspassedandmyexperiencegrew,I

realizedthatmyjoywascomingfromtheworkandnotfromtheseoccasionalawards.Today,theydon’tmattermuchtomepersonallybuttheyareimportanttomyorganization.’‘Tellme,whydoyoucontinuetogiveyourremainingyearstothisthankless

job?’sheasked.‘Youcansitback,relax,spendtimewithyourgrandchildren,go

toweddingsandbirthdaysandreducealittlebitofstressfromyourlife.’‘ThetruthisthatIamtheluckiestofthemall.IlovewhatIdoandeveryday

isaholidayformebecauseofit.Whodoesn’tloveavacation?’Igrinned.Shobasmiledasshegotintothecarandnodded.Iwavedgoodbyeandwent

backtowork.

11ICan’t,WeCan

Recently,Iattendedanephew’swedding.ItwasawonderfuloccasiontomeetmycousinswhomIhadspentmychildhoodwithbuthadn’tmetinalongtime.TheweddingceremonybeganandafewcousinsandIsatleisurelyinacorner.Oneofmycousinssaid,‘Iamthepresidentofthelaughingclubinour

community.Comeforoneofoursessions.Wehardlymeetanymore.ThiswayIwillatleastgettoseeyouforsometime!’Itiscommonnowtoseeoldermenandwomengatherinparksinthemorning

andattempttolaugh—hahaha.Ihaveoftenwonderedhowpeoplecanmakethemselveslaughinthismanner!Ivisualizedmyselfattendingsuchanassembly.WhatwouldItalktothemabout?IwasabsolutelycluelessandsoIpolitelydeclined.Anothercousinsaid,‘Iamthesecretaryofthehousewives’associationinmy

apartmentcommunity.Ihavealreadysharedwiththemembersthatyouaremycousin.Youmustcomeandaddressthem.’‘Butwhatisthesubjectmatterthatyouareinterestedin?’‘Youareawiseinvestor.Sogivethewomentipsonhowtosaveandidentify

high-returninvestmentslikeyouhave.’‘I’mnotsureIunderstand.Canyouelaboratealittleonthat?’‘Well,everybodyknowshowyouinvestedtenthousandrupeesinInfosysand

mademillionsinreturn.’‘Ididn’tdothatforthesakeofinvestment,’Isaidinaserioustone.‘Igave

theseedmoneytofulfilmyhusband’sdream—adreamthatwasconsideredimpracticalinthosedays.Heissuccessfulnowandthat’swhyyouarereferring

tomeasawisemillionaire.Hadhenotbeenso,youwouldhavecalledthesamemoveafoolishone.Youhaveitallwrong—Iamnottherightpersontotalkaboutinvestment.Instead,youcanaskmeforadviceonhowtospendmoney.Thatwillbemoresuitedtomyskills!’Peoplearoundmelaughed.‘Ihaveaspecialrequest,’athirdcousinsaid.Shebegan,‘Myfriend’s

daughterisabrightstudentand...’‘IssheplanningtoapplyforajobatInfosys?’Iinterruptedher.‘BecauseI

reallycan’t...’‘Havesomepatience,’shestoppedme.‘Letmefinish.Ithoughtyouwould

havegarneredalotmorepatiencebynow,consideringyourlineofwork.Thegirlwantsyourguidance.ShealreadyhasajobofferaswellasanadmissionletterfromanAmericanuniversity,andneedstopickone.’‘There’snotmuchguidanceIcangive.Thedecisiondependsonthefamily’s

financialposition,thegirl’sambitionandhercareerplans,alongwithothersocialaspectsofthefamily.’‘Comeon!Meether.Shereallyneedsyourhelp.’Iwasreluctant.ButIsaid,‘Okay,askhertomeetmetomorrowat9a.m.She

cancometomyoffice.’Thenextmorning,ImettheyoungpetitegirlnamedJaya.Shewasshyand

quitenervous.Iwantedtomakehercomfortable,soItoldhertositdownandofferedhera

cupoftea.ThenIaskedforhermarksheet.Heracademicrecordwasoutstanding.‘Jaya,what’sonyourmind?’Ididnotbeataroundthebush.‘Wheredoyouseeyourselfintenyears?’Shewasquiet.Irephrasedmyquestion,‘Perhapsyouwanttobeacorporateprofessionalor

pursuetheacademicline?Ormaybesomethingelse?’Still,therewasnoreply.‘Areyouscaredofme?DoIlooklikeamonster?’Ipersistedandsmiled.Shesmiledbackandshookherhead.Thenshebeganspeakingverysoftly

aboutherfutureplans.Icouldseethatshedidn’thaveanyconfidence,despiteherachievements.

‘Jaya,academicexcellenceisnoteverything,’Isaid.‘Youmusthaveconfidenceinyourself.Oneoftheflawsofoureducationsystemisthatitdoesn’treallyteachusthatquality.Ourparents,societyandtherecruitmentprocessconcentratetoomuchonthemarksweget.Icangiveyoumanyexamplesofpeoplewhomaynothavestudiedmuchbuthavedonewellforthemselvesbecausetheybelievedtheycould.Confidencedoesn’tmeanthateverythingwillgoourway.Itsimplygivesustheabilitytoacceptfailuresthatwewillinevitablymeetonourpathandmoveforwardwithhope.’Withoutanywarning,Jayastartedsobbing.Likeatoddler.Itwas

heartbreaking.Atfirst,Iwasstartled.‘MaybeIhavegivenhertoostrongadosewithout

knowinghernature,’Ithought.InIndia,mostofusexcelatgivingadvicewithoutpeopleaskingforit,andIamnoexception.Iofferedheratissueandsaid,‘IamsorryifIhavehurtyou,Jaya.ButIdon’t

knowwhattotellyou.Youaren’tsharingmuchwithme.’Thegirlcalmeddownandwipedhertears.Hervoicewasshakingwhenshe

spoke,‘No,ma’am,youradvicedidn’tmakemecry.ThetruthisthatIfeelinferiorinfrontofmostpeople.’‘Why?Anyoneinyourshoeswouldbeproudofaccomplishingsomuchat

yourage.’Shepaused.Thenshesaid,‘Ma’am,myfatherwasanalcoholic.’Ipaused.Shespokealittlemorefluently,‘HeisnowinAAbutmyyoungeryearswere

different.Hewouldoftengetdrunkandabusemymother.Shewentthroughsomuch,andIhadnoideawhatIcoulddotohelpher.Igrewupscaredofmyfather’stemperandinanunhappyandtenseatmosphere.ThenIthoughtthattheonlywayIcouldmakeachangewastostudyhardandgetadecentjobsothatIcouldtakemymotherandleave.Ihaveasistertoo,butmymotherdoesn’twanttoleavethefamilyhome.Sheisworriedabout...’‘IthinkIcanunderstandyourmother’sconcerns.Manyinoursocietystill

judgewomenwhoareseparatedfromtheirhusbandsandshe’sprobablyconcernedabouthowthatmightimpactherdaughters’marriageprospects.’‘Youareright,ma’am.ShesaysthatIshouldgoabroadandnevercomeback

toIndia.Shewantsmetogetmarriedtoagoodmanirrespectiveofhiscasteand

creed.Heronlyconditionisthathemustn’tdrink.ButIdon’twanttorunawayandleavemymotherandsisterbehind.Iwanttobehereforthem.I’msoconfused,ma’am.That’sthereasonwhyIwantedyouradvice.’ThewordAAwasonmymind.‘WhatisAA?’Iasked.‘AlcoholicsAnonymous.Itisasupportgroupformenandwomenwhoare

addictedtoalcohol.Ithastakenmyfatherseveralyearstobecomesober,butthedarknesshecausedhasleftapermanentscaronmyheartandlife.Idon’tliketoshareanythingpersonalwithhimnordoIaskhimforadvice.Ihavenorespectforhimatall.’‘Jaya,Idon’tknowmuchaboutAA,butwedon’tknowthecircumstances

underwhichheturnedtothebottle.Hehaschangednowanditsoundslikeheistryinghardtobeabetterman.Thebestwayforwardisnottogetupsetorrunawayfromyourproblems,buttoopenachannelofconversationwithhim.Yourfathermustregrettheactionsofhispast.Ishenicetoyourmothernow?’‘Ofcourse,hehasbeenverygoodtohersincehebecamesober.’Isensedthatshewasfeelingbetter.‘Jaya,gotoacounsellorwithhimand

workthingsout.Havingathirdpartyhelpsinseeingthingsclearer.Youcandeferyouradmissionforayearandstartworkinghere.Afterthattimehaspassed,re-evaluateyourlifebyyourselforwiththehelpofacounsellorandyouwillmaketherightdecision.Inalifespanofmanyyears,youcantaketimeoffforayeartofigureoutwhat’sgoodforyou.Itisworthit.’Shesmiledandhereyesshonebrightly.Shethankedmeandleft.Thatday,mythoughtswerepreoccupiedwithAA.Atthefoundation,weare

alreadypredisposedtoreachingouttopeopleintoughsituations.Dharma,onitsown,alsomeansprotectingsomeonewhoneedsit,nomatterwhotheyareorwheretheycomefrom.It’spureandsimple,andmymindwouldn’tresteasy.Besides,wehadneverworkedonthisproblembeforeandIhadtounderstanditfirst.IgotsomeinformationonAAonlinebutitwasn’tsufficient.Multiplequestionsbouncedaroundinmymind.Whatwasitandhowdiditreallyplayaroleinanalcoholic’slife?Whatchallengesdoesheorsheface?Wasithereditary?Doesone’sfinancialstatusorfamilymakeadifference?Howdoescounsellinghelp?Whatisthesuccessrateofde-addictionandwheredoesapersongoonfromthere?

Itwasclear—Ineededfirst-handinformation.Iwantedtomeetsomeonetounderstandtheproblemalittlebetter.Vaguely,Irecalledafriendmentioninginpassingmanyyearsagothatherson-in-lawhadbeenavictimofthis.Ihadn’tbeengoodatkeepingintouchandwonderedifhewouldspeaktomeaboutit.Itookachance,pickedupthephoneandreachedouttomyfriend.Iwas

hesitant.Whenshecameontheline,wechattedforafewminutesandtriedtocatchuponthetimegoneby.Finally,Iaskedher,‘Severalyearsago,youhadtoldmeaboutyourson-in-law,Ramesh,andthathehadgonetoade-addictioncamp.Howishedoingnow?’‘WithGod’sgraceandwiththehelpofAA,heissobernowandlivesagood

life.’‘WouldhemindifIaskedhimafewquestionsaboutthegroup?Onlyifhe

wantsto,ofcourse.Icanassureyouthatitwillremainconfidential.’‘Sure,Iwilltalktohimaboutit.Iwillmessageyouhisnumberifheagrees,’

saidmyfriend.‘Thankyou!’Withintenminutes,Ireceivedhiscontactdetailsandimmediatelycalledhim.

Themanontheothersideofthephonesoundedlikehewasaroundfortyyearsold.‘Aunty!’saidRamesh,hisvoicefullofwarmth.‘Iamhappytoknowthatyou

wanttohearaboutAA.Iwillsharemyjourneywithyouandyoucanwriteaboutittoo,ifyoulike.It’llbeworthitevenifonepersonlearnsfrommymistakes.’‘Whydon’tyoucomeoverforameal?Wecanspeakleisurelythen,’I

suggested.Soon,wedecidedtomeetinmyhouseforlunch.Hewasontimeandconfidentinhisdemeanour.Wesatdownatthetable.

Therewasnoneedforpoliteconversationorformalities.‘TellmeaboutyourexperiencewithAA,’Ibroachedthesubjectwithout

beatingaroundthebush.‘I’vereadyourbooktitledTheDayIStoppedDrinkingMilk.ButifIhadto

writeone,itwouldbecalledTheDayIBeganDrinkingAlcohol.’Hesighed.‘Letmetellyouhowitallbegan.

‘Ibelongtoaconservativefamily.Aschildren,wewereexpectedtobehomebysunsetandwerenotallowedeventeaorcoffee!TheonlyliquidsIwasallowedweremilk,waterandteertha(holywater).Iwasanexcellentstudentandfinishedmytwelfthgradewithoutstandingmarks.‘Afewdayslater,someofmyclassmatesandIdecidedtocelebrate.Wewent

toarestaurantandorderedaroundofdrinks.Ihadnevertriedalcoholbeforeanditwasaclosefriend,acoffeeplanter’ssonfromCoorg,whoeggedmeon.“Comeon,haveadrink!Socialdrinkingisquiteacceptablenowanditdoesabsolutelynoharm.Oneortwodrinkswillmakeyouhappierthanthehighyoumusthavegotfromyourtopmarks!Takethis,”hesaidandhandedmeapegofwhiskywithicecubes.‘Mostofuswerefirst-timers.Thoughthetasteofthedrinkwasslightlybitter,

wealldrankandfeltgoodandrelaxed.Forsometime,IfeltthatIwasfloatingonair.ThemusicwasgoodandtheworldaroundmeseemedbeautifulandIhadanicebuzz.Ilikedit.‘Theeveningturnedintonightandweordereddinner.ThoughIwasafoodie

then,Ididn’tfeellikeeatinganything.Instead,Iquietlywenttothebarandtookasecondpeg.Everyoneatthetableclapped,“Youweresocautiousfirst,butlookatyounow!”‘Thenightendedonahighnoteandmyfrienddroppedmehomeinhiscar.

Sinceitwaslate,myparentswerealreadyasleep,soIusedmykeytoenterthehouseandcrashedonthebed.‘Thenextmorning,Ididn’tstiruntil7.30a.m.WhenIopenedmyeyes,the

sun’srayswereshiningbrightlythroughthewindow.‘Itwaslate.Iusuallywokeupat6a.m.‘Whenmymothersawme,sheasked,“Areyouunwell?”‘Ishookmyhead,butmyheadwasfeelingheavyandIhadaslightheadache.‘“Howwastheparty?”‘“Itwasfine.”‘Iheadedtothebathroomforashowerandfeltslightlybetter.Iwentabout

myroutineandattheendoftheday,Ithoughtaboutalcohol.Iwasfascinatedbythehighithadbroughtme.‘Afewdayslater,Iwantedtodrinkagainandcalledmyfriend.Helaughed

andsaid,“Noproblem,man.Let’shaveanotherparty.”

‘Thistime,itwasonlythetwoofus.Myfriendtaughtmeaboutthedifferentkindsofalcohol,thequalitiesandtheprices,asIeagerlyawaitedmypeg.Webeganmeetingregularlyandwithoutrealizingit,Igotaddictedtoalcoholandbeganyearningforiteveryday.‘Amonthlater,IgotadmissioninacollegeinMumbaiandlefthome.NowI

hadcompletefreedomandtherewasabsolutelynoonetocontrolme.Ibeganboozingwithdifferentclassmates.Somehow,Istillmanagedtogetdecentgrades,despitebunkingclasses—eitherduetohangoversorbecauseIhadsleptlatethepreviousnight.Ievengotagoodjobthatpaidmewell.Unfortunatelyforme,italsomeantthatIbegandrinkingmoresinceIcouldaffordmore.‘Afewyearslater,IwastransferredtoBengaluru.Bythen,myparentshad

builtanotherhouseonthefloorupstairsandItoldthemthatI’dliketostaythere.Ihadanarrangedmarriageandthegirlwasverynice.Butoncemywifebeganlivingwithme,shelearntofmyaddictionwithinafewdays.Livid,shefoughtwithmypoorparents,thinkingthattheywereawareofmyalcoholismandhadchosentohideitfromher.‘Mymotherwashorrified!Shehadhadnoknowledgeofmyaddiction.The

onlysymptomshewasawareofwasthatIhadbecomeshort-tempered,butshehadinnocentlyattributedittothestressatmyworkplace.Ihad,ofcourse,letherthinkthatway.Soalongwithmywife,Igotasermoneverydayanditgreatlyannoyedme.Shedraggedmetotemplesandgurus.Themoretheypushedme,themoreupsetIbecame.Throughitall,mywifecontinuedtobelieveinme.“Youareintelligent,”shewouldsay.“Youcanleavethishabit.Iknowyoucancontrolyoururges.”‘Sometimesherwordsgavemestrength,butIcouldn’tletgoofalcohol.’Iwasdumbfounded.Thiscouldhappentoanyone,especiallyinthisdayand

age.Istoppedhim.‘Tellme,howdidyoufindoutaboutAA?’‘Nowyoumustunderstandmyjourney,Aunty.Dayafterday,itbecame

worseandIkeptdrowningintheproblemthatIhadcreated.Oneday,IgotacallfrommyoldfriendfromCoorg.HewasvisitingBengaluruwithhiscousinandinvitedmetohishotel.Iwashappytohearfromhimandthoughtthatwecouldhaveamemorableeveningtogether.WhenIeventuallysawhim,Iwasconcerned.Theyoung,handsomeboylookedlikeanoldmanandaskeletonatthat!

‘“Shallweordersomethingtodrink?”Iasked,afewminutesintoourmeeting.‘“Don’tevenmentionthewordalcohol.Itiskillingme.Foralongtime,I

refusedtogetmarried.Myparentstriedtheirbesttorescuemefromthislife,butnowIhavebeendiagnosedwithlivercirrhosis.Ican’ttellyouhowmuchIregretthepast!IwasbornintoagoodfamilyandgrewupinawonderfulplacelikeCoorgwhereIcouldhavedonesomethingmeaningful.PeoplealwaysplanaholidaythereandIalreadylivedinheaven.Ishouldhavebecomehighonnature,butinsteadIbecamehighonalcohol.Idon’thavemuchtimeleft.Don’twasteyourlife,oldfriend!Learnfromme.Amannearhisdeathwillalwaystellyouthebaretruth.Thisdiseaseisworsethancancer.Peoplewillsympathizewithyouifyouhavecancerandtherearemedicinesandsurgeriesthatmightgiveyouachancetogetbacktoyouroldlife.ButhereIam.Thisiswhatrockbottomlookslike.Peoplelookdownonmeandjudgeme,evenmyparents.IthankGodthatIamnotmarriedorIwouldhaveruinedanotherperson’slifetoo.”‘Hiswordsthrewmeforaloop.Howcouldthishavehappenedtohim?This

isn’thowlifeissupposedtoturnoutforpeoplelikeus.‘Icamehomeandtossedandturnedallnight.Icouldn’tstopthinkingabout

himormyself.Mylifewasamess.Sometimes,IwouldskipworkbecauseIhaddrunktoomuchthepreviousday.PeoplewhowerelesssmartthanmeweregettingpromotedandIwasbeingpassedoveragainandagainbecauseIwasn’tconsideredreliableenough.Meanwhile,mywifeandmotherwereunderourrelatives’constantscrutinybecauseofmycondition.Itwasplainasday—Iwasn’tthatfarofffrombeinginthesameboatasmyfriend.Theveryideashookmetothecore.‘Thenextmorning,therewasacallfrommyfriend’shotel.Itwashiscousin.

“Yourfriendpassedawaylastnight,”hesaid.“Youwerehislastvisitor.”‘Ibegantremblingwithshockandfear.Itwasthelowestpointofmylife,and

Icouldn’tcontrolmybodyfromshivering.Whentheshiversstopped,Iwenttothesmallcupboardcontainingallthealcohol,tookthebottlesandthrewtheminthetrash.‘Withthehelpofmyfamily,IlearntaboutAAandcheckedintothealcohol

de-addictioncamp.IttookafewyearsformetobecomesoberandIhavebeen

thiswayeversince.Inowdedicatemylifetohelpingotherswhoareinabadplacebecauseofalcoholism.Iworkwiththemandshowthemthatthereishope.Theycangetbetter.’Hestoppedandopenedthebaghewascarrying.Herummagedinitforafew

secondsandtookabookout.Hehandedittome.‘ThisisabookonAAandtheirtwelvesteps.Theyincludeapologizingtothosewehavehurt,helpingothersandsurrenderingtoGod.’Itookthebookfromhim,eagertoreadit.‘Aunty,IamashamedofmypastbutIamalsoproudthatIcouldleaveit

behindme.Mywifeandmotherhaveplayedanimportantroleinbringingmeback.’Iwasamazedtolearnsomuch!Hehadopenedanewdoorforme.‘PleaseattendoneAAmeeting,Aunty!’hesaid.‘Therearetwotypesof

meetings—openandclosed.Anyonecangofortheopenoneswhiletheclosedgatheringsareonlyforthemembers.Tomorrow,thereisanopensessioninElectronicCitywhereIamthechairman.’‘Chairman?’Iaskedoutaloud.‘Yes,butnotintheregularsenseoftheword.Achairmanhereisamentor

whoshareshisexperience,thechallengesofhisjourneyandtheweakmomentstoo.Healsogivesinputtothemembersonhowtoconquerthedesireofafewminutessothatthepersoncansurvivetheurgetodrink.’Isaid,‘Iwouldliketojoinyoutomorrow.Youhavesharedyourstory

becauseyouknowme,butwhywillotherpeoplewanttosharetheirdarkestmomentswithme?’‘OnceIhavetheothermembers’permissiontoletyouinforanopensession,

thenitwillnotbeaproblem.Mostofthemarewillingtospeakaboutitbecausenowtheyrecognizetheproblemandgenuinelywanttobecomesober.Theydon’tknowhowtogoaboutitandthat’swhereAAcomesin,’heexplainedpatiently.‘Nowthatyouareamentoryourself,whataboutyou?Whomdoyouspeak

to?’Hesmiledandsaid,‘Icontinuetohaveamentorandvisithimweekly.Iam

human,afterall.’

Theconversationtookadifferentturnandwespokeaboutphilosophyforsometime.Whenthetimecameforhimtoleave,hesaid,‘Seeyoutomorrow.Iwilltextyouthelocationofthechurch.’‘Whyareyoumeetingthere?’Iwascurious.‘Aunty,whereelsecanwemeet?InaplacelikeBengaluru,thirtyofuscannot

fitintoanaverage-sizedlivingroom.Ifwelookforplacesonhire,thenthepaymentshavetobebudgeted.Whenweaskpeopletomakeanexceptionorallowustousetheirfacilitiesforminimalornocost,theyimmediatelyrefusewhentheylearnofthepurpose.Wewererunningoutofplacestomeetandsoweapproachedachurch.Themanagementwaskindenoughtoallowustouseaspaceintheirpremises.’Ithankedthechurchauthoritiesinmyheadforcomprehendinghumannature

andallowingsinstobeforgiven.Itistheessenceoflife.‘Theysaidwecoulddonatewhateverwecouldaffordbutinsistedthatwe

keeptheplaceclean.’‘Whydidtheysaythat?Dopeoplegettheirdrinksthere?’Iaskedinnocently.‘Aunty,comeon.AAisaboutnotdrinkingandthat’swhatthewholesession

isabout.Alotofpeoplewhodrinkalsosmoke.Ifweconsiderdrugaddictiontobeoneofthreebrothers,thenitistheworstofthemall.Alcoholcomesnext,whilesmokingistheyoungestofthethree.Theelderbrotherisusuallyaccompaniedbythetwoyoungerones,whilethemiddlebrotheralmostalwaysappearswiththeyoungest.Sowekeepashtraysonatableandcleanupbeforeweleave.’‘Whofundsthesemeetings?CanInfosysFoundationhelp?’‘Thanks,Aunty,butAAdoesn’ttakehelpfromanyoneonthatfront,’he

replied.Soon,Rameshleft.Thenextday,Ireachedthevenue,aChristianschool,attheassignedtime.

Therewasasmallcrowdofbothmenandwomenstandingoutside.Theeveningwasfadingawayandnightwasalmostuponus.Suddenly,Ifeltawkward.Attimes,beingawriterhasitsnegatives.Whatif

someonequestionedmypresence?‘Whydidshecome?’‘Isshegoingtowriteaboutus?’

Justthen,Rameshcalledmeinside.Hesaidthathewouldn’tbetakingthesessionthatday.Ienteredtheroomandsatinacorner.Itwasaregularclassroomwithtablesandbenches—therewerenoDVDs,overheadprojectororanyfancyequipment.Withinfiveminutes,theroomwasfull.Therewerepeopleofdifferentages

andgenders,thoughthenumberofgirlsandwomenwaslessthanthenumberofmen.Thereweresomeforeignerstoo.Agroupofstudentsenteredandannouncedtheirpresencebeforeretreatingtoanothercorneroftheroom.Noonepaidanyattentiontome,butIstillfeltoutofmydepth.Amiddle-agedpersonwalkedinfirmlyandgreetedeveryone.Thenhesat

downinthefront,facingus.HeopenedabookandreadoutthetwelvestepsthatIhadlearntaboutthedaybefore.Iobservedsomefaceslookingtenseandworried.Afterthatwasdone,thechairmansaid,‘Welcometoallfellowmembers,guestsandstudents.Thisisanopensession.Today,I’dliketosharesomethinggood.FellowBharat,whereareyou?’Amaninhisfortiesraisedhishand.‘Bharatiscompletinghisfirstbirthdayhere.Wewillcutthecakeattheendof

thesession.’Everyoneclapped.Ididn’tunderstandwhatwasgoingon.Whatdidthe

chairmanmeanbysayingitwashisfirstbirthday?‘Ourgueststodaymaybealittlesurprisedtoseethiscelebration,butthefirst

birthdayisaverybigdeal.ItmeansthatBharathasn’thadalcoholforayearnow.’‘Sothat’swhatitis,’Ithought.‘Asthechairman,Iwillsharemyexperiencefirst.Myinitiationanddrinking

beganincollegeunderpeerpressure.ItwascooltodrinkandIwasproudtobeinthepartycrowd.Overthenextfewyears,Ibecameanalcoholic.Still,Iwasabletolandajob,findagoodgirlandgainappreciationformywork.WhenIthoughtthetimewasright,Iaskedmygirlfriendtomarryme,butsherefused.ShesaidthatIwasdrunkwhenevershemetme,irrespectiveofthetimeoftheday.SoIturnedtothebottleevenmore,usingmyheartbreakasanexcuse.‘Oneday,myparentsfinallysaidtome,“Growup!Thegirlleftyouyearsago

andisnowthemotheroftwochildrenandyet,hereyouare—stilldrinkingyourlifeaway.Thishasnothingtodowithherandeverythingtodowithyou—youareanalcoholic.Wearereadytohelpyougetyourlifebackontrack,butyou

areanalcoholic.Wearereadytohelpyougetyourlifebackontrack,butyoumustrealizewhatyouhavebecome.”‘Iwaslivid.Howdaretheylabelmeanalcoholic?Icouldquitdrinking

wheneverIwantedto.Iwastheoneincontrol.SoIdidn’tdrinkforthenexttwodaysandthoughtthatIhadprovedmyself.Onthethirdday,myparentswantedtogotoatemplenearbyandIofferedtodrivethemthere.Ihadaquickshowerintheevening,shavedandappliedanaftershavelotion.Ilookedgood.‘Ashorttimelater,weleftforthetemple.Whiledriving,mytonguetouched

myskinbrieflyandittastedoftheaftershavelotion.Ikeptlickingitandbythetimewereachedthetemple,Iwascravingforadrink.Idroppedmyparents,wenttotheclosestbarandstayedthereforfourhours.Unawareofmyactions,mypoorparentsperformedapujaformeatthetemple,waitedforme,thentookanautorickshawandwentbackhome.‘Thatwasmyturningpoint.ItwasthedayIrealizedthatIcouldn’tlive

withoutbooze.SoIcametoAAandtheyhelpedmevocalizewhatIwas.ItwasherethatIfoundotherpeoplelikemeandIwasgladthatIwasn’taloneinthis.Oursloganis“Ican’t,wecan”.’Thechairmanlookedstraightatthecrowdinfrontofhim,‘Ifyouwouldlike

tostayandbewithus,pleasedoso.Youarealwayswelcomehere.Peoplewhothinkthatthisisn’ttheplaceforthem,letmetellyouthatthereisabarontheoppositesideofthestreet.Feelfreetoleave.’Hepaused,waitingforpeopletoexit.Onepersondid,butataturtle’space.Thenhesaid,‘Onlyanalcoholiccanunderstandanotherfellowalcoholic.

Nobodyisgoingtojudgeyouhere.Iinviteyoutoshareyourexperienceorthoughts.’Bythen,theenvironmentfeltveryinformalandIdidn’tfeelawkwardany

more.Ayoungladysittingononeofthebenchesintroducedherself.‘IamRaveena

Alcoholic,’shesaid.‘Hi,RaveenaAlcoholic,’respondedtheothermembers.‘Icomefromanaffluentfamilywheresocialdrinkingwasapartofour

culture.MyparentsstudiedinFranceandhencefrequentlydiscussedwineanditsvariouscharacteristics.Iwasintroducedtowineattheageofsixteenbutthequantitywasrestricted.Thenextyear,IwenttocollegeinDelhiandmyparentsheadedtotheMiddleEastforafinanciallyexcitingjobopportunity.Istayed

backinaresidentialhostelwhereImetgirlswhofrequentlydrankhardliquorsuchasvodkaandwhisky.Atfirst,theymadefunofmeandurgedmetotrywhattheywerehaving.SoIbeganexperimentingandcametoloveotherdrinkstoo.Myparentsusedtosendmeamonthlyallowancethen.Whenevertheyaskedmeaboutmyspending,Iwouldconcealmyexpensesonalcohol.LyingcamenaturallytomeonceIstarteditandIbarelyfeltguiltyaboutitovertime.’‘Therecomesthefourthbrother,’Ithought.‘Aroundthetimeofmygraduation,Iwenttoabarandmetaboy.Wegot

alonglikeahouseonfireandspentalotoftimelearningabouteachotherandourhabits.Wedisclosedourrelationshiptoourparentswhoapprovedofthematchandwehadalavishwedding.FollowingthenorthIndiantradition,therewasplentyofwineandliquoronthedayofthereception,andtheguestsdrankasmuchaspossiblesinceitwasfree.Afterthewedding,myhusbandandIshiftedtoBengaluru.Wewouldsitanddrinktogethereverydayafterhereturnedfromwork,buthenoticedthatIcoulddrinkmorethanhim.IneededmorethantwopegstogethighandIdidn’tpukeafterwardsorgetaheadacheimmediatelyeither.IthoughtitwasagreatqualityandthatImustpushmyselffurther.’Suddenly,Raveena’svoicesoftened.‘Weekslater,IlearntthatIwaspregnant

andwenttoagynaecologist.Ididn’ttellheraboutthealcohol.Duringthethirdmonthofpregnancy,Ifeltveryuneasyintheareaaroundmystomachandwenttoseeheragain.‘Asapartoftheroutinecheck-up,sheaskedme,“Areyoudrinkingalcohol?

Perhapswine?”‘“Wine,”Isaid,concealingthehardliquorIwasstilldowningeverynowand

then.‘“Stopit.”‘ItriedtobutIcouldn’tcontrolmyself.“Doctorsareextracarefulaboutthese

things,”Ithought.“Asiphereandthereisn’tgoingtoharmthebaby.”‘SoIpouredmyselfsomevodkaandorangejuicetheverynextday,and

continuedtodrinkwithmyhusband.‘Ninemonthslater,ababyboywasbornandourfamilieswereecstatic.

Everybodycelebratedwithwineandchampagneinourhousebutitwasn’tenoughforme.Ineededmore.Takingcareofanewbornwasmuchmore

exhaustingthanIhadthought.Whentheparentshadretiredforthenighttotheirbedrooms,Iwenttothemini-barinthediningroomanddrankvodka.‘Ayearpassedandmysongrewupquickly.Inoticedthathismilestoneswere

delayedandrantothedoctor.Withinamonth,itwasconfirmed—mysonwasaslowlearnerandwouldremainso.Thedoctorremarked,“Ihopeyouweren’tdrinkingduringthepregnancy.”‘Thathithome.Thedrinkinghadn’tharmedmebutithadlabelledmychild

“special”.Hehaddonenothingtodeservethisandyet,hewastheonepayingformysins.‘Icouldnotexcusemyselfandfeltlikeendingmylife,butthethoughtofmy

sonpreventedmefromtakingastepfurther.IfIwasn’taround,whowouldlookafterhim?Whatdoeshisfuturehold?MyhusbandandIdidn’tblameeachother,butourselves.Wetookstrengthfromeachotheranddecidedtoquitdrinking.Itwasveryhardandwekeptfailingatourattempts.Weendedupdrinkingintheevenings,justlikeweusedtobefore.‘Thankfully,wefoundAAandnowthat’sthetimeIkeepformymeetings.

Thewithdrawalwaspainfulanddifficult.Oncetheeveningispast,IammoreincontrolandIreturnhome.Myson’sfaceisastarkreminderofwhyImustnevertouchadrinkagain.WhydidGodmakesuchanaddictivethingonearth?’Hervoiceshookwiththeemotionsthatshekeptbottledinsideher.‘Iamscaredtohaveanotherbaby.WhatifIgetanotherchildlikemyson?’Thechairmansteppedin,‘Thankyou,RaveenaAlcoholic,forsharingyour

personalstory.PeoplecometoAAwhentheyreachthelowestpointintheirlives.Thatpointdiffersfrompersontoperson.Wehadoneteenagerwhoonceaskedhismotherformoneytobuyalcohol.Whensherefusedtopartwithit,hepushedheranddamagedherleg.Intime,shedevelopedalimp.Itwasaneternalremindertothesonabouthowhehadhurtheranditbecamehisturningpoint.Oncepeopledesperatelydesireachangeinthemosthonestwaypossible,theycomeherebecausewecanhelpthemmakeithappen.’Next,awell-dressedmiddle-agedmaninthefrontrowintroducedhimself.He

said,‘IamHarryAlcoholicandbelongtoawealthyfamily.Ihavenoexcuse.IgotthehabitbecauseIenjoyeddrinkingwithmyfriends.Sincemyfatherhadhisownbusiness,Idecidedtojoinhimaftermygraduationandfellinlovewith

oneofthesecretariesnamedMaria.Shelearntofmyweaknessesandaboutthedrinkingtoo.Astimepassed,weseriouslybeganthinkingofmarriage.‘“Iwantyoutoquitdrinking,”shetoldme.“WithGod’sgraceandlove,you

willleaveit,I’msure.”‘Atfirst,myparentswerehesitantaboutthematchbutsoontheytookto

Mariaandwehadabigfatwedding.Still,Icontinuedtodrink.Twoyearslater,mymotherandfatherdiedinacarcrashandIwastheonlyonetoinheritallthattheyhadbuilt.ImanagedtheofficeandMariamanagedeverythingathome,includingthefinances.Wealsohadabeautifulbabygirlandlifewaswonderful.Yet,myhabitcontinued.‘WhenMariaspoketomeaboutit,Ididn’theedherwords.Everyday,I

wouldaskherformoneytospendatthebar.Oneday,sheputherfootdown,“No,youwon’tgetanymoremoneyforthis.IdecidedtomarryyouinthehopethatyouwouldimproveandbecauseIlovedyou.Youarethesame,despitebecomingafather.”‘IbecamesoupsetthatIabusedherverballyandtoldherthatthemoneywas

mineandthatshehadnorightoverit.Withtearsinhereyes,shehandedmesomemoneyandIrushedtothebar.Thenextmorning,Ifeltbadandapologizedtoher,“I’msosorry,Maria,Iwaswrong.Iwillneverdoitagain.”‘ButIdid.Againandagain.‘Oneday,thesameincidentrepeateditselfandMariarefusedtogiveme

money.IsawmydaughterplayingonthesideandyelledatMariawithhate,“Ifyoudon’tgivemewhatIwant,Iwilldosomethingtothebabyandthenyouwillregretit.”‘Iwasincompleterage.That’stheonlyreasonIsaidit.Ilovedmydaughter

morethanmylife.‘ButMariaturnedpale.SheprobablythoughtImeantit.Shebroughtoutall

themoneyshehadandhandedittome.“Takeit,”shesaidandwalkedoutoftheroomwithmydaughter.‘Itookallthemoney,calledafewfriendsandwenttoapopularbarthatI

frequentedandwhoseownerIknew.PeoplewouldoftenjoinmethereandpraisemygraciousnaturebecauseIpaidforeveryone’sdrinks.Butinmyheart,IwasstillmadatMaria.IwantedtoshowherthatIwasnotahenpecked

husband,soIdrankmorethanusualthatday.TheownerallowedmetocrashinaroomabovethebarbecauseIwasn’tinanystatetowalkordrive.‘WhenIcamehomethenextmorning,therewasanoteonthefridge.Itwasa

handwrittennotefromMaria.

Iamleavingwithmydaughter.Youwillneverchange.Youmayhaveruinedmylife,butIdon’twantmydaughter’stoberuinedtoowithadrunkmanforafather.

‘Ilookedaroundtheapartment.Alltheirclothesweregone.‘ButIknewshewouldcomeback.Toforgetmydomesticproblems,Ibegan

drinkingevenmore.Maria,however,didn’tturnupatall.Weeksturnedintomonthsandmonthsintoyears.Ididn’tknowwhereshewasanymore.‘Withinafewyears,Ilosteverything—mybusinessandmyproperties.‘Now,theownerofthatsamepopularbarinstructedthebouncersnottolet

meinwithoutmoney.Myfriendsforgotaboutmetoo.ItgotworseandIbeganbeggingattrafficlights.AllthemoneyIgotwentintobuyingandconsumingdesiliquor.‘Oneday,IsatatatrafficsignalandthoughtthatIsawMariainoneofthe

cabswithachild.WhenIwentcloser,Irealizedthatitreallywasher,alongwithmydaughter.Excited,Iknockedatthecarwindow.She,however,dismissedmewithawaveofherhand.“Nevertalktostrangers,”shesaidtoourdaughter.“Lookatthisdirtymanbegginghereinsteadofworkingsomewhere.”‘Shedidn’trecognizeme!BeforeIcouldfindanywords,thelightturned

greenandthecarspedaway.‘Thatwasthelowestpointinmylife—Ihadlostmywife,daughterandwhat

myparentsandgrandparentshadbuiltforme.Myfamilyhadhadahumblebeginning.MygrandfatherhadcomefromKolartoBengalurucityasaclerk,workedveryhardandsavedmoneytostarthisownbusiness.Ittookdecadesforhimtoofficiallyreachthe“rich”status.HisnamewasHarryandIhadbeennamedafterhim.Butlookatme!Ihadsquanderedawayallhiswealthandbecomeabeggar.Iwantedtocommitsuiciderightthereandthen.‘Idon’trememberhowbutsomeonetookmetoanopenAAsessionina

churchandforthefirsttimeinmanyyears,Ifeltarayofhope.Iheardpeopletalkingabouttheirdarkesttimes.Theywerepeoplelikemewhohadlosteverythingandthengoneontobuildadecentlifeforthemselves.MaybeIcould

trytoo.It’sbeenfifteenyearssincethenandIhavebeensoberforalongtime.NowIspendmylifeinservicetootherslikemebybringingthemtoAAandhelpingthemontheirjourney.’Theapplauseintheroomwasfollowedbyadeafeningsilence,eachofus

busywithourownthoughts.‘Hisdaughtermustbeworkingnowandmaybemarriedtoo!’Ithought.‘His

wifeisabravewoman.Shemadetherightdecisionforherselfandthechild,butwhatalifetheyhaveallled.Everyonehassufferedalifetimebecauseofalcoholaddiction.’Ididn’tknowifalcoholismwasaformallyrecognizedmedicaldisease,but

AAwasaboonforthepeopleitserved.Coffeewasservedinpapercupsforallofus,andastringedpurseandaround

medalwascirculated.Thechairmanannounced,‘YoucancontributeonlyifyouareAAmembers.Wedon’tacceptmoneyfromothers.’Afewcontributedandmostofthememberstookthemedal,helditcloseto

theirheartandprayed.Atlast,thechairmaninvitedBharattocomeandcutthecake.‘Wehavealso

invitedBharat’sfamilytodaybecausehewouldn’thavereachedthismilestonewithoutthem,’hesaid.Withpride,Bharatblewoutthelonecandleonitandcutthecake.Thenhe

thankedhisfamilyprofuselyalongwiththepeopleinAAwhohadgivenhimbackhislife.Hisfatherthenhandedhimamedal.Hewasspeechless,chokedwithemotion.

Afterhehadcomposedhimself,hesaid,‘BharatismyonlychildandIhavecelebratedmanyeventswithhim,includinghisbirthdaysandwedding.Buttodayishisrealbirthday.Foralongtime,IwasashamedtohaveasonlikehimbuthehaschangedandIamaproudfather.’Bharatsmiledandpattedhisfather’sshoulderandlookedatthesmall

gatheringwithgratitude.‘Analcoholicisanalcoholicforever,’hesaid.‘Icannottakeanymedicineswithalcoholiccontent,notevenaspoonfulofcoughsyrupwhenIamunwell.ButIamhappywithwhereIamrightnowandIpromiseIwillcontinuetocelebratesuchbirthdayseveryyear.’IglancedatBharat’swifewhostoodnearby.Ithadbeennocakewalkforher

withthekindofpressuresocietyoftenforcesonIndianwomen.Shehadhada

troublesomemarriagewithouttruecompanionshipandwasstillstandingbesideherhusband.Afewminuteslater,themeetinggotoverandpeoplestartedleaving.Ialso

stoodupandRameshaccompaniedmetothecarwaitingoutside.‘Doeseveryonereachsobriety?’IaskedRamesh.‘Itdepends,Aunty.Therearechancesofrelapsing.That’swhywemeet

regularlytokeepoururgesincontrol.Evennow,whenIseeanalcoholadoradrinkingsceneinamovieontelevision,Iswitchitoff.Idon’tgotoanyweddingthatservesliquor.Itisveryeasytofalloffthewagon.SurrenderingtoGod,whichisoneofthestepsinAA,isveryhelpful.Goddoesn’tmeanaspecificreligiousone.EveryonehasaGodwithinthemselves.Itsimplymeansahigherpower.InAA,wehavethefreedomofchoosingourGod.ItisagreatorganizationandBengalurualonehaseightycentres.AAoperatesin186countries.Aunty,nowonderourancestorswereintelligent.Theytoldustokeepawayfrombadhabits.Itmaystartassocialdrinkingbutunfortunately,somegethookedtoit.Andoncetheyarehooked,theirlifebecomesmiserable.Iftheyhadnottrieditinthefirstplace,theywouldnothavebecomealcoholics.’IsatinthecarandthoughtaboutthefamousMarathiplayEkachPyala,a

populardramaofthe1940s,andanotheronecalledDevadas,whichisaplayaboutamanwho,aspeopleliketobelieve,turnedtothebottlebecausehecouldnotmarryParo,theloveofhislife.Butthetruthisthathewassimplyanalcoholic.IntheMarathiplay,theprotagonist,Sudhakar,andhiswife,Sindhu,area

happycouple.Oneday,analcoholicfriendinsiststhatSudhakarshoulddrinkonesipofalcoholtocelebrateanevent.Heevenoffershimapeg.Sindhuobjectstoherhusband’sdrinking,whomocksher,‘OSindhu,don’tworry.Ourlife’sshipwillnotdrownwithonepeg.’Unfortunately,herhusbandlikesthetasteandintime,becomesaslaveto

alcohol.Theplayshowshowtheirlifeisruined.Thefirstpegisenoughtogetyouonthejourney,ifyouhaveatendencytowardsalcoholism.Unfortunately,nobodycanpredictuntilyoutrythatfirstglass.Whosaysmoneyistheultimategoaloflife?Itisn’t.Youwillfindoutwhen

thetimeisright.

Oneoflife’sgoalsistheabilitytounderstandhumannatureandraiseafellowbeingfromrockbottomtobecomingausefulmemberofsociety.Weallloseafewbattlesinourlives,butwecanwinthewar.There’salwayshope.

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Thiscollectionpublished2017

Copyright©SudhaMurty2017

ThemoralrightoftheauthorhasbeenassertedJacketimages©NeelimaPAryanISBN:978-0-143-44005-5

Thisdigitaleditionpublishedin2017.

e-ISBN:978-9-386-65160-0

Thisbookissoldsubjecttotheconditionthatitshallnot,bywayoftradeorotherwise,belent,resold,hiredout,orotherwisecirculatedwithoutthepublisher’spriorconsentinanyformofbindingorcoverotherthanthatinwhichitispublishedandwithoutasimilarconditionincludingthisconditionbeingimposedonthesubsequentpurchaser.