tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1132

8
The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read Chapter 7 or 13 Bankruptcy 20 years experience | affordable | fast | personal service (303) 525-9531 www.coloradobklawyer.com email: [email protected] HILL LAW OFFICE, P.C. Lawrence R. Hill, Attorney at Law 1901 W. Littleton Blvd. | Littleton, CO 80120 Weareadebtreliefagency.WehelppeoplefilebankruptcyundertheBankruptcyCode. Front Page Classifieds Pottery Barn Style Beautiful New Panel Bedroom Set - $1799 Stunning Espresso raised panel window frame. Solid wood dovetailed drawers with felt lining, unique nickel hardware. 7-Piece Set includes Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Nightstand, and 5-Drawer Chest! List Price $5,800 sell: $1799 Call 303-758-1312 New King Pillowtop Mattress Set Foundation with Warranty. $255 Can Deliver. 303-758-1312 $599 Brand New All Wood 5 PC Bedroom Set In box with manufacturer’s warranty. Can Deliver. 303-758-1312 New Leather Sofa In original carton with warranty. $599 Can Deliver. 303-758-1312 Queen Pillowtop A Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set with warranty. $159. Delivery Available. 303-758-1312 5-PC New Microfiber Living Room Set. With warranty $599 Can Deliver. Call - 303-758-1312 Beautiful Cherry Formal Dining Set - 8 Piece Table with leaf, 2 arm charis, 4 side chairs. NEW!!! All in original boxes. All SOLID Hardwood! Lists for over $3000, must sell $899. Delivery available. Hutch available. Call 303-758-1312 TIDBITS® LOOKS AT THE HISTORY OF THE WHITE HOUSE by Kathy Wolfe It’s not just the home of the U.S. Presi- dent; the White House has also been the site of diplomatic decisions, weddings, births and Easter egg hunts. This week, Tidbits goes behind the scenes at the Executive Mansion. Because the First Continental Con- gress met in Philadelphia in 1774, that city was considered the first U.S. capi- tal. Since several other cities were the meeting place for Congress over the next 26 years, they were all technically regarded as the capital city. These cit- ies included Baltimore and Annapolis, Maryland, Lancaster and York, Penn- sylvania, Princeton and Trenton, New Jersey and New York City, New York. While most meeting places were a court house, state house, or city hall, home to Congress in Trenton for seven weeks was the French Arms Tavern. The U.S. Constitution authorized a 100-square-mile plot of land for the seat of U.S. government. In 1791, George Washington chose the land in Mary- land and a smaller section in Virginia. He and the city planner Pierre L’Enfant selected the site for the president’s res- idence, the site known today as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. L’Enfant called the area the Capital City. To Thomas Jefferson it was Fed- eral Town, while Washington referred to it as Federal City. The commission- ers who were appointed to obtain the property gave the name of Washington to the city. continued on page 2! Issue #1132 April 05, 2010 Denver Metro Area Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC FOR ADVERTISING CALL (303) 688-1987 [email protected] Do you suffer from: Horizons Clinical Research Center, LLC is conducting clinical research studies of investigational treatments for these conditions. As a participant in one of our research studies you will receive: - All clinic visits, lab assessments, medical exams, and investigational treatments free of charge - Also compensation for your time and travel To learn more call 303.399.4067 or email info@horizonscrc.com Overactive Bladder? Psoriasis? Acne? Hypertension with Type 2 Diabetes? Post-Menopausal Low Sex Drive? Solid, Dependable Professional service at a price you can afford. All Plumbing Repairs Drain and Sewer Cleaning Hot Water Heater EXPERTS Mention “Tidbits” and save $29! Some restrictions apply. Call for details. Limited time offer. Colorado’s 1st LICENSED GREEN Plumber 303-916-6226 www.PlumbingHelpToday.com Call Today! (303) 856-3554 “Se Habla Español” Accounting & Consulting Services, LLC www.acs-denver.com DON’T DELAY!!! File your 1040 or Extention Form 1040 U.S. Individual Tax Return by April 15th “A real pro gym for everyone” MMA BOXING amateur boxing team JUI JITSU MUY THAI CROSSFIT CARDIO boxing, kickboxing Classes start as low as $49.99! NOW OFFERING KIDS AND ADULT CLASSES Mention this ad and receive one free training class A.T.T. ALTITUDE 11091 E MISSISSIPPI AVE, AURORA , 303-366-0629 THE SHOW THAT’S LEAVING MILLIONS IN AWE. APRIL 17–18 THE BUELL THEATRE Presented by Chinese Divine Culture Assn. & Falun Dafa Assn. of Colorado ShenYunPerformingArts.org TICKETS: (866) 464-2626 | INFO: (888) 316-4234 TicketsWest.com / King Soopers PRICES: $100, $80, $60, $45, $35 Sponsored by The Denver Post Community, CBS4 & Tidbits - Denver Metro Area

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Issue #1132 - Weekly issue of Tidbits - Denver Metro Area. The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read

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Page 1: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

FREEThe Neatest Little Paper Ever Read

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©2006

OVER 4 MILLION

Readers WeeklyNationwide!

Chapter 7 or 13

Bankruptcy

20 years experience | a�ordable | fast | personal service

(303) 525-9531www.coloradobklawyer.com

email: [email protected]

HILL LAW OFFICE, P.C.Lawrence R. Hill, Attorney at Law

1901 W. Littleton Blvd. | Littleton, CO 80120

We are a debt relief agency. We help people �le bankruptcy under the Bankruptcy Code.

Front Page Classifieds

Pottery Barn Style Beautiful New Panel Bedroom Set - $1799

Stunning Espresso raised panel window frame. Solid wood dovetailed drawers with felt lining, unique nickel hardware. 7-Piece Set includes Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Nightstand, and

5-Drawer Chest! List Price $5,800 sell: $1799

Call 303-758-1312

New KingPillowtop Mattress Set

Foundation with Warranty. $255 Can Deliver.

303-758-1312

$599 Brand New All Wood 5 PC Bedroom Set

In box with manufacturer’s warranty. Can Deliver.

303-758-1312

New Leather SofaIn original carton with warranty.

$599 Can Deliver. 303-758-1312

Queen PillowtopA Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set with warranty.

$159. Delivery Available. 303-758-1312

5-PC New MicrofiberLiving Room Set. With warranty

$599 Can Deliver. Call - 303-758-1312

Beautiful Cherry Formal Dining Set - 8 Piece

Table with leaf, 2 arm charis, 4 side chairs. NEW!!! All in original boxes. All SOLID Hardwood! Lists for over $3000, must sell $899. Delivery available. Hutch

available. Call 303-758-1312

TIDBITS® LOOKS AT THE HISTORY OF THE WHITE HOUSE

by Kathy Wolfe

It’s not just the home of the U.S. Presi-dent; the White House has also been the site of diplomatic decisions, weddings, births and Easter egg hunts. This week, Tidbits goes behind the scenes at the Executive Mansion.

Because the First Continental Con-•gress met in Philadelphia in 1774, that citywasconsideredthefirstU.S.capi-tal. Since several other cities were the meeting place for Congress over the next 26 years, they were all technically regarded as the capital city. These cit-ies included Baltimore and Annapolis, Maryland, Lancaster and York, Penn-sylvania, Princeton and Trenton, New Jersey and New York City, New York. While most meeting places were a court house, state house, or city hall, home to Congress in Trenton for seven weeks was the French Arms Tavern.The U.S. Constitution authorized a •100-square-mile plot of land for the seat of U.S. government. In 1791, George Washington chose the land in Mary-land and a smaller section in Virginia. He and the city planner Pierre L’Enfant selected the site for the president’s res-idence, the site known today as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.L’Enfant called the area the Capital •City. To Thomas Jefferson it was Fed-eral Town, while Washington referred to it as Federal City. The commission-ers who were appointed to obtain the property gave the name of Washington to the city.

continued on page 2!

Issue #1132April 05, 2010

Denver Metro Area Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC FOR ADVERTISING CALL (303) 688-1987 [email protected]

Do you suffer from:

Horizons Clinical Research Center, LLC is conductingclinical research studies of investigational treatments for these conditions. As a participant in one of our research studies you will receive:- All clinic visits, lab assessments, medical exams,

and investigational treatments free of charge- Also compensation for your time and travel

To learn more call 303.399.4067 or email

[email protected]

Overactive Bladder?Psoriasis?

Acne?Hypertension with Type 2 Diabetes?

Post-Menopausal Low Sex Drive?

Solid, DependableProfessional service at a

price you can afford.All Plumbing Repairs• Drain and Sewer • CleaningHot Water Heater • EXPERTSMention “Tidbits” and

save $29!Some restrictions apply. Call for

details. Limited time offer.

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Call Today!(303) 856-3554“Se Habla Español”

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TicketsWest.com / King SoopersPRICES: $100, $80, $60, $45, $35

Sponsored by The Denver Post Community, CBS4 & Tidbits - Denver Metro Area

Page 2: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Page 2 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Issue #1132

four dining rooms and 35 bathrooms, as well as a fully equipped hair salon.The six levels of the White House are acces-•sible via three elevators or eight staircases, and contain 132 rooms and 35 bathrooms. There are 412 doors, 147 windows and 28 fireplacesinits55,000squarefeetoffloorspace. It sits on just over 18 acres, and has its own tennis court, running track, pool and movie theater. Richard Nixon added a single-lane bowling alley during his term. A painter needs about 570 gallons of paint to cover the exterior.

THE WHITE HOUSE (continued)The name of James Hoban is not a well-•known one, but his accomplishment lives on. When Thomas Jefferson organized a competition to obtain the best design for the President’s House, a striking entry was submitted by this Irish immigrant. Jefferson himself presented his own design; howev-er, he and seven others were outdone by Hoban, who went on to design many other public buildings on the Eastern seaboard.Thefirstcornerstoneofthehousewaslaidin•the fall of 1792, and it took until late 1798 to complete the exterior. While George Wash-ington supervised the construction, he nev-er lived in it. John Adams was elected presi-dent in 1797, and he and his wife Abigail werethefirstresidents,movinginwhenthehome was nearly complete in 1800. They only lived there four months before Adams’ successor, Jefferson, took residence.Only one U.S. president has had his wedding •in the White House. In 1886, Grover Cleve-land married 21-year-old Frances Folsom in the Blue Room, and made her the youngest F i r s t L a d y in U.S. history. Seven y e a r s l a t e r , s h e g a v e birth to daughter Esther, the only child of a presi-dent ever to be born in the house. But Es-therwasn’tthefirstbabytobebornthere.That honor belonged to Thomas Jefferson’s grandson, born to Jefferson’s daughter dur-inghistermofoffice.The East Room has served many different •purposes during its history. Abigail Adams used it as a laundry room. During the Civil War, it served as quarters for Union troops. Years later, Jackie Kennedy used it as a theater for the performing arts. It was also where the bodies of both Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy lay in state following their assassinations.Over the years, presidents have added what •were deemed necessities to their home. Millard Fillmore established a permanent library during his term in the mid-1850s. He was also responsible for the installation of thefirstbathtubwithrunningwater.WilliamHoward Taft, portly at nearly 350 pounds, had a custom-made bathtub installed, large enough to hold four average men. Electric lights were put in during the term of Ben-jamin Harrison, but neither he nor his wife ever touched the switches. They were both afraid of being shocked and called their ser-

vants when they wanted the lights turned on or off.Teddy Roosevelt moved in with six children •and found the home too small to contain them. He ordered the construction of a tem-porary building for additional office spacefor the staff. The greenhouses and conser-vatories were torn down to make room for this temporary addition that turned out to be permanent. Today it is known as the West Wing.AChristmas Eve, 1929, electrical fire se-•verely damaged the West Wing during Her-bert Hoover’s administration. The roof had to be replaced and the charred interiors rebuilt, and in the restoration process, air-conditioning was added.William Howard Taft was responsible for the •firstOvalOfficein1909,theofficialofficeofthepresident.Prior to that time, theofficewas rectangular. It was later rebuilt follow-ing thedamageof the1929fire. In1934,FDRaddedasecondfloortotheWestWingandhadanewOvalOfficecreated,theonein use today. At one time, the present Oval Officewasfilledwithclotheslines!In 1933, a March of Dimes campaign fund-•ed the addition of a swimming pool at the White House for the therapy of polio-strick-en Franklin Roosevelt. The pool was built in the old laundry rooms. Today, this is the site of the White House Press Room, built over the top of the pool, which still exists underneaththefloor,accessiblethroughatrapdoor. The deep end is under the press secretary’s podium, while the camera crews stand atop the shallow end.Harry Truman spent much of his presiden-•cy renovating the majority of the building, which had been deemed in danger of col-lapse. While the living area was entirely gutted and refurbished from 1949 to 1951, Harry and Bess resided across the street at BlairHouse,theofficialguesthouseforthepresident. Expanded over the years, this “guest house” has 70,000 square feet and includes 119 rooms, 14 guest bedrooms,

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Page 3: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Page 3April 05, 2010

On • April 7, 1776, Navy Capt. John Barry, commander of the American warship Lexington, makes the firstAmerican naval capture of a British vessel when he takes command of the warship HMS Edward after a desperate battle off the coast of Virginia.On • April 9, 1865, at Appomattox, Va., Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee surrenders his 28,000 troops to Union Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, effectively ending the Civil War. Forced to abandon the Confederate capital of Richmond, Lee had no other option.On • April 10, 1906, O. Henry’s second short-story collection, “The Four Million,” is published. O. Henry was the pen name adopted by William Sydney Porter. Porter began writing in the late 1880s but did not seriously apply himself until 1898, when he was jailed for embezzling from a bank in Austin, Texas.On • April 8, 1935, Congress votes to approve the jobs-creating project Works Progress Administration, a central part of President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s “New Deal.” The careers of several important American artists, including Jackson Pollack and Willem de Kooning, were launched thanks to WPA endowments.On • April 11, 1961, Bob Dylan plays hisfirstmajorgiginNewYorkCity,opening for bluesman John Lee Hooker at Gerde’s Folk City. With his guitar and harmonica, Dylan was a unique stage presence with a vast library of American folk songs in his repertoire.On • April 6, 1970, Sam Sheppard, a doctor convicted after a sensational trial of murdering his pregnant wife in 1954, dies of liver failure. After a decade in an Ohio prison, Sheppard was released and later acquitted followingare-trial.Hebrieflyreturnedto medicine and later embarked on a short stint as a pro wrestler called “The Killer.” His story is rumored to have loosely inspired “The Fugitive” television series and movie.On • April 5, 1984, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar scores the 31,420th point of his career, breaking the NBA’s all-time scoring record, which had been held by Wilt Chamberlain. The 7-foot-2 Abdul-Jabbar was born Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor Jr. in 1947 in New York City, and changed his name in 1971 after converting to Islam.

(c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.

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Page 4: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Page 4 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Issue #1132

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) You might be upset about having to deal with problems that are no fault of your own. But you can turn the annoyance into an asset by showing how quickly and how well you can resolve them.TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) The Bovine’s fondness for tidiness pays off when you untan-gle a situation that seems hopelessly snarled. You might later be surprised to learn who will be expressing his or her gratitude.GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Although you can tackle your assignment the way you pre-fer, it might be a good idea to at least ask for suggestions. Who knows? One or two might even turn out to be helpful.CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Make all the changes in your plans or proposals that you feel are necessary before -- repeat, before -- you submit them to your colleagues. You’ll come off looking more decisive that way.LEO (July 23 to August 22) You might feel a mite intimidated in a new environment, be it a job, a classroom or meeting the future in-laws. But enter with a big smile, and everyone will see you as a real take-charge Cat.VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) This could be a romantic time for you if you can set aside your cynicism and let yourself believe that someone really cares. If you’re already in a relationship, expect your partner to be extra-loving.LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) It’s a good time to shed any doubts about your abili-ties. You’ve proved yourself in the past, so why not accept that you’ll do just as well, or better, in dealing with the new challenge ahead?SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Your suspicions might be on the mark, but unless you can prove what you assume, you need to exercise that Scorpion discretion and let events unfold without your assistance.SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Be careful not to go over the top this week. Avoid overeating (especially of the wrong foods), or drinking too much, or working too hard. You can do it all, but in moderation.CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A family matter is given to you to resolve be-cause you have the gift for bringing quarrel-some kinfolk together. But while you’re playing Dr. Phil, don’t neglect your career obligations.AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Someone of importance shares your goals but disagrees with your plan to achieve them. Never mind. Defending your methods with logic and facts earns you admiration and re-spect.PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Consider getting away, perhaps for the weekend, de-spite all the demands made on your time and energies. You’ll return refreshed and ready to tackleitallwithyourusualfinesse.BORN THIS WEEK: You have a sense of honesty that makes people believe and trust in you.

FOR WEEK OF APRIL 05, 2010

(c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.

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Page 5: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Page 5April 05, 2010

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EventsProject C.U.R.E: April 19, 2010, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, 10377 E Geddes Ave, Centennial. The South Metro Chamber has teamed up with Project C.U.R.E. and established a sorting session on the 3rd Monday of every month.ProjectC.U.R.E.isanon-profitthat gathers unused medical supplies that would normally be thrown away. Those supplies are then sorted, boxed, and shipped to developing countries around the world in dire need of items as simple as latex gloves and sutures. www.TheBestChamber.com or call 303.795.0142.

Cinco de Mayo Festival: May 8, 2010 - May 9, 2010. Civic Center Park - FREE. 10:00 am - 8:00 pm. The largest Cinco de Mayo festival inthecountry!Liveentertainment,art, food, drink, children’s activities. 720-913-0630

B.A.D. - Bikers Against Diabetes: 9th AnnualPokerRuntobenefitChildrens’Hospital Diabetes Research. May 16, 2010 Registration @ 8:30am - 1st Bike out @ 9:00am. $20 Rider / $10 Passenger. Breakfast Buffet available @ 8:00am for $6.00. Live Band - Raffles-SilentAuction-50/50Drawing.Fraternal Order of Eagles of Aurora #3224, 1151 S. Galena St

Under the August Moon: August 28, 2010, 6:00 pm, Polson Farm, 5201 Manhart St/CO Hwy 67, Sedalia. Annual Colorado Event featuring four songwriters from Nashville in-the-round. Each songwriter takes a turn presenting songs they wrote for famous recording artists. They explain why they wrote each song and the details surrounding each song, then they play them the way they originally wrote them. All done while you eat a wonderful dinner andenjoythesounds;alltobenefitSt.Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. $125/person. 303.377.9987, [email protected] or www.StJude.org/SongwritersSupper

Toastmasters International: Every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month. Become the Speaker and Leaderyouwanttobe!11:30am-12:30 pm, 6060 S Willow Dr, DTC. Contact Michelle at 720-987-3459. www.wrytoast.freetoasthost.com/index.html

Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District: First Friday of every month 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum: First Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm. 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgDenver Art Museum: First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens: Free days Check web site for 2010 schedule of free days.1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science: Check web site for 2010 Free days. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots: Denver FirefightersMuseum1356TremontPl,(303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art: First Saturday of every month admission = 1 penny. 1275 19th St in Denver. 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave. 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsColorado Avalanche - NHL

Canucks host: Tue Apr 6, 8:00 pm•Oilers host: Wed Apr 7, 7:30 pm•Blackhawks: Fri Apr 9, 7:00 pm•Kings: Sun Apr 11, 1:00 pm•

Denver Nuggets - NBAAt Oklahoma City: Wed Apr 7, 6:00 pm•LA Lakers: Thu Apr 8, 8:30 pm•San Antonio: Sat Apr 10, 7:00 pm•Memphis: Mon Apr 12, 7:00 pm•At Phoenix: Tue Apr 13, 8:30 pm•

Colorado Mammoth - NLLAt Edmonton: Fri Apr 9, 7:00 pm•At Calgary: Sat Apr 10, 7:30 pm•Boston: Fri Apr 16, 7:00 pm•Calgary: Fri Apr 23, 7:00 pm•

Colorado Rockies - MLBAt Miilwaukee: Apr 5, 12:10pm, Apr 6, •6:10 pm and Apr 7 11:10 amHOME OPENER• : San Diego: Apr 9, 2:10 pm, Apr 10, 6:10 pm, and Par 11, 1:10 pmNY Mets: Apr 13, 6:40 pm, Apr 14, 6:40 •pm, and Apr 15, 1:10 pmAt Atlanta: Apr 16, 5:35 pm, Apr 17, •5:10 pm, and Apr 18, 11:35 am

Superman had Foster Parents:Help a child in your community by becoming a licensed

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Page 6: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Page 6 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Issue #1132

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It was Benjamin Disraeli, 19th-century •BritishPrimeMinisterandthefirstEarlofBeaconsfield,whomadethefollow-ing sage observation: “The most dan-gerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.” You’ve probably never heard of Hur-•ley, Wisc., but if you lived in the area, you’d know that the town is home to a 15-foot-tall corkscrew. It can be found, appropriately enough, outside Cork-screw Liquors.Except for the queens, all wasps die in •the autumn.The Japanese ruling family is the old-•est continuing hereditary monarchy in the world. The current emperor, Akihito, is the 125th holder of the title. Interest-ingly, he’s also a marine biologist and has published papers on ichthyology in both English and Japanese scholarly journals. For reasons that aren’t quite clear, in •Sweden, it’s illegal to train a seal to bal-ance a ball on the tip of its nose.It was March 15, 1952, when the larg-•est amount of rainfall in a single 24-hour period was recorded. It was the island of Reunion, in the Indian Ocean, that had the misfortune to receive a whop-ping 73.62 inches of rain on that Ides of March. That’s more than 6 feet of rain in asingleday!Feel like you have a lot more stuff than •you used to? You’re not imagining things -- and you’re not the only one. According to the Self-Storage Associa-tion, the number of businesses offering on-premises storage of all those things youcan’tfindroomforathomehasin-creased nearly 10 times since 1964.

Thought for the Day: “I no longer worry about being a brilliant conversationalist. I simply try to be a good listener. I notice that people who do that are usually welcome wherever they go.”

-- Frank BettgerWEEKLY ANSWERS

In a rush to work one morning, I pulled up to the drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant and ordered some coffee. Because I was in a hurry, I asked them to put a couple of ice cubes in the coffee so it would cool down more quickly and I could drink it faster. I sat there at the pick-up win-dow for a few minutes, wondering where they had to go to get my coffee, when a frustrated teenager finally came up andsaid, “I’m sorry for the delay, but the ice youwantedinyourcoffeekeepsmelting!”

A couple months ago, I entered a con-test and ended up winning a few acres of swamplandbelowthefloodplaneinMis-sissippi. Before I knew it, I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I built it on my new land. Last week, I won enough money in the lot-tery to quit my job and move down there for good. And just last night, as sat on my new porch watching the rain and listening to the thunder, it all started to sink in.

My son, Ken, was married yesterday. I heard him tell his bride, Caryn, that his ring was so tight it was cutting off his circu-lation. She replied, “That’s what it is sup-posed to do.”

Have you heard about the pharmaceuti-cal company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, com-pels them to go join a convent? The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit forming.

A naive young lass was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature.” Her question was, “If you are in

a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a minute or two and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

The patient is adamant. “Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans...” “What makes you think you need all these?” “Well,” replied the patient, “my boss said if I wanted to keep my job, I needed to get reorganized.”

The policeman couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw a woman drive past him on the freeway, busily knitting. Quick-ly he pulled alongside the vehicle, rolled downhiswindow,andshouted,“Pullover!”“No,” the women yelled back cheerfully. “Socks!”

I was in the waiting room of my doctor’s officetheotherdaywhenthedoctorstart-edyelling,“Typhoid!Tetanus!Measles!” Iwent up to the nurse and asked her what was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots around here.

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insur-ance office to file a disability claim.As Iscanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under “Reason unable to work,” she wrote: “Can’t stand to cook.”

I saw some strange goings on in the city today. A group of sterile monks in white robes were circling a large urn containing flowers,chanting,raisingtheirhands,bow-ing to the urn, and performing some kind of ritual on one young member of the group. It appeared to be a vase sect to me.

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, “You know, Benny’s a walking economy.” His friend replies, “How so?” “His hair line is in recession, his stomachisavictimofinflation,andbothofthese together are putting him into a deep depression.”

I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He re-plied, “I left my job because of illness and fatigue.” A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out my neighbor’s boss got sick and tired of him.

By Samantha Weaver

(c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.

WEEKLY FUNNIES

Call (303) 688-1987 or

emailInfo@TidbitsofDenver

.comToday!

Page 7: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Page 7April 05, 2010

What is Clinical Research?Why Participate in Clinical

Research?Why be a Volunteer in

Research? By Bill Arnold

If I am not mistaken the readers of Tidbits are like most people in this country which would mean that a full 75% of you would claim that you have little to no knowledge about clinical research. This is according to a recent poll conducted by CenterWatch, the global center for research trial information. I would like to improve upon that percentage by explaining a little about research and moreimportantlyaboutthepotentialbenefitsthat participating in a research study can provide.As you might guess, the many new medications that are constantly being developed must all go through a considerable process of testing before they are made available to the public. New drug research begins with years of laboratory experiments, then extensive testing in animals, and finally, if approved by the Food and DrugAdministration (FDA), testing in people. The FDA is responsible for ensuring the safety of those people who volunteer to participate in research. To accomplish

that it has imposed mandatory safeguards and regulations, in addition to requiring that each clinical research study follow a carefully constructed protocol. This protocol must be approved by the FDA before a study can be initiated and then followed with strict adherence by those who conduct the research. Once a new drug is approved for clinical testing it will go through three initial phases of investigation by research sites carefully selected by the pharmaceutical company to conduct the study. It is only after this required testing has been completed that a drug is submitted to the FDA for approval. Even after a drug has been FDA approved it may go through further post-market testing. These phase IV studies are very common andinfactconstituteasignificantportionofthe studies we conduct at Horizons Clinical Research Center, LLC, here in Denver.You may wonder why people volunteer to participate in research and really there are a number of reasons. Many simply would like to help advance modern medicine, and their participation is vital in obtaining the knowledge to improve the health care for countless people. Others may be frustrated with existing medications and hope to find greater success with investigationaltreatments not available to the general

public. For some people, perhaps without health insurance, participating in research is a means of obtaining more and better medical attention for their health condition than they would otherwise receive. Volunteers also receive all of their clinic visits, lab assessments, medical exams and study medication free of charge. Typically volunteers also receive compensation for their time and travel, so not only may therebehealthbenefitsforparticipatinginresearch,butfinancialonesaswell.This is a very short discourse on clinical research but you can now consider yourself more knowledgeable about the subject than three quarters of the country. Horizons Clinical Research Center, LLC can be reached at 303-399-4067 or by e-mailing [email protected]

Email [email protected] Call (303) 688-1987

1. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: By what other name do most people know Esther Pauline Friedman?2. GEOGRAPHY: What South American country lies between Colombia and Peru?3. FOOD & DRINK: What are the two ingredients in a Black Russian cocktail?4. LANGUAGE: What does the Greek suffix“gamy”meaninEnglish?5. MUSIC: What does the musical direction “estinto” mean?6. HISTORY: In what year did test pilot Chuck Yeager break the sound barrier?7. TELEVISION: What is the name of the dog on “Family Guy” animated series?8. AD SLOGANS: “The dogs kids love to bite” were made by which company?9. SCIENCE: What would an entomologist study?10. MOVIES: What brother and sister had acting roles in “Sixteen Candles”?

Answers1. Ann Landers, her pseudonym2. Ecuador3. Vodka and Kahlua4. Marriage5. Play as soft as possible6. 19477. Brian8. Armour9. Insects10. John and Joan Cusack

(c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.

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Page 8: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1132

Page 8 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Issue #1132

Why Men Tend To Be Happier

NICKNAMESIf Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, •they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will •affectionately refer to each other as Fat-Boy, Gas-man and Four-eyes.

EATING OUTWhen the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John •will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back..When the girls get their bill, out come the •pocket calculators.

MONEYA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.•A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she •doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMSA man has six items in his bathroom: •toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.The average number of items in a woman’s •bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 15 of these items.

ARGUMENTSA woman has the last word in any •argument.Anything a man says after that is the •beginning of a new argument.

FUTUREA woman worries about the future until she •gets a husband.

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A man never worries about the future until •he gets a wife.

NATURALMen wake up as good-looking as they went •to bed.Women somehow deteriorate during the •night.

OFFSPRINGA woman knows all about her children. •She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short •people living in the house.

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