tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1118

The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©2006

FREEALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2007

Chapter 7 or 13

Bankruptcy

20 years experience | a�ordable | fast | personal service

(303) 525-9531www.coloradobklawyer.com

email: [email protected]

HILL LAW OFFICE, P.C.Lawrence R. Hill, Attorney at Law

1901 W. Littleton Blvd. | Littleton, CO 80120

We are a debt relief agency. We help people �le bankruptcy under the Bankruptcy Code.

Front Page Classifieds

Pottery Barn Style Beautiful New Panel Bedroom Set - $1799

Stunning Espresso raised panel window frame. Solid wood dovetailed drawers with felt lining, unique nickel hardware. 7-Piece Set includes Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Nightstand, and

5-Drawer Chest! List Price $5,800 sell: $1799

Call 303-758-1312

New KingPillowtop Mattress Set

Foundation with Warranty. $255 Can Deliver.

303-758-1312

$599 Brand New All Wood 5 PC Bedroom Set

In box with manufacturer’s warranty. Can Deliver.

303-758-1312

New Leather SofaIn original carton with warranty.

$599 Can Deliver. 303-758-1312

Queen PillowtopA Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set with warranty.

$159. Delivery Available. 303-758-1312

5-PC New MicrofiberLiving Room Set. With warranty

$599 Can Deliver. Call - 303-758-1312

Beautiful Cherry Formal Dining Set - 8 Piece

Table with leaf, 2 arm charis, 4 side chairs. NEW!!! All in original boxes. All SOLID Hardwood! Lists for over $3000, must sell $899. Delivery available. Hutch

available. Call 303-758-1312

TIDBITS® GIVES YOU THELONG AND SHORT OF IT

by Kathy Wolfe

This week, Tidbits says, “Well, that’s about the long and short of it!” and looks at a little of both.

Nestled along the slopes of Mount Niesen •in the Swiss Alps is the longest staircase in the world. Its 11,674 steps run alongside a cable railway and are not open to the pub-lic, but are used only by service personnel. H o w -ever, on one day e v e r y J u n e , 2 0 0 l u c k y p e o p l e run the route in the an-nual Niesenlauf stair run. The race goes on whatever the weather or visibility may be. The record-holder has a race time of just over an hour. Compare this run to the stairs of the Empire State Building – the number of steps at Mount Niesen is equal to climbing the building more than seven times!If you’re a fan of yard sales, you might want •to catch the world’s longest one, held the firstweekendeveryAugust.Thisfour-dayevent was created by Tennessee tourism officialstogetpeopleoffthehighwaysandinto this very scenic area. The row of ven-dors stretches from Gadsden, Alabama to West Unity, Ohio, a distance of 654 miles, and features as many as 5,000 booths along the way.In January of 2008, Robert Davis climbed •on his Yamaha snowmobile, and over the next 60 days, traversed across Maine and eastern Canada. Davis logged 12,163 miles on his trip, giving him the longest snowmobile journey title. It took Russian Vasilii Hazkevich a little longer to drive his tractor just a little farther, 13,172 miles. He made his trip in 103 days. Another adven-turesome traveler went even a little farther on his riding lawn mower, a distance of 14,594 miles. Gary Hatter started in Maine and didn’t quit until he’d been in all 48 mainland states, Canada, and Mexico, a feat that covered 260 days.At the 2003 American Rabbit Breeders As-•sociation National Show, an English Lop bunny named Nipper’s Geronimo grabbed the title of longest rabbit ears, with a win-ning measurement of 31.125 inches.

continued on page 3!

Issue #1118December 21, 2009

Denver Metro Area Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC FOR ADVERTISING CALL (303) 688-1987 [email protected]

Horizons Clinical Research Center, LLC is conducting clinical research studies of investigational treatments for these conditions. As a participant in one of our research studies you will receive:

and investigational treatments free of charge

Do you suffer from:|

| ||

For more information call 303.399.4067,

email [email protected] visit us on the web at www.horizonscrc.com

C E L LBLOCK

Broken Phone?

REPAIRCENTER

RepairsAny and All Kinds »LCDs »Water Damage »Flashing Unlocking Accessories »Buy & Sell » Used Phones

“Get Your Phone Rehabilitated”

720. 324. 823610731 E Alameda Ave Unit F, Aurora 80012

(Alameda and Havana)

Mention This Ad - Get 10% OFF

Open 7 days a week

$200 OFFEnergy Star Water Heater*

Call Today for ALL your plumbing N E E D S !

303-916-6226

*May not be used with any other offers. Good through 3/31/10 or while supplies last.

www.PlumbingHelpToday.com

Because Quality Lasts

Accounting & Consulting Services, LLC

Let our CPAs help you... PREPARE FOR TAX TIME

Maximize your deductions BEFORE December 31st

Don’t wait -Call Today!

(303) 856-3554“Se Habla Español”

www.acs-denver.com

“A real pro gym for everyone”MMA

BOXING amateur boxing teamJUI JITSUMUY THAICROSSFIT

CARDIO boxing, kickboxing

Classes start as low as $49.99!

NOW OFFERING KIDS AND ADULT CLASSES Mention this ad and receive one free training classA.T.T. ALTITUDE 11091 E MISSISSIPPI AVE, AURORA , 303-366-0629

Heirlooms

Mall1947 S. Havana

Aurora, CO 80014303.337.6880Mon-Sat 10-6

Sun Noon-5

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Issue #1118

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Your love of the holidays creates a special bond between you and the people in your life. Use this as a way of building stronger relationships that will carry over well beyond this time.TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) A new approach could go a long way toward resolving a painful estrangement, especially at this holiday time. And since your aspects favor friendship this week, why not go ahead and try it?GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Your positives continue to dominate, and any negative fac-tors that squeeze in can be dealt with easily. The secret is to tackle them at once and not allowthemtobenefitbyyourneglect.CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Good news: A colleague’s remarks could help you move to-ward ultimately resolving that persistent work-place situation. Meanwhile, enjoy the holidays with loved ones.LEO (July 23 to August 22)Noonereflectsthe bright holiday more than all you Leos and Leonas who love the shimmer and glimmer of the season. P.S.: There just might be a very special something from Santa.VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Cel-ebrate the holidays by being more receptive to new experiences. Overriding the Virgo re-luctance to try new things could be the best gift you’ve given yourself in a long while.LIBRA (Septeber 23 to October 22) Good news about a loved one makes the holidays even more festive. Expect some unexpected gifts, so be prepared with a few nicely wrapped packages of goodies to offer in return.SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) The holiday season provides an opportunity to meet new people, some of whom you might even consider “worthy” enough to join the Scorpio’s select group of friends.SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to Decem-ber 21) You always bring your own wonderful sparkle and light to the holidays, and don’t be surprised if this year someone special reach-es out to respond to your warmth in kind.CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Togetherness is the dominant theme for the Goat’s holiday celebrations this year. That means reaching out to bring everyone you care for into your very own special circle of light.AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A reminder of a very special moment from the past makes the holidays more memorable for the romantic Aquarian. New friendships hold the promise of a romantic future as well.PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Getting into the swim of things for all you party-loving Pisceans is easy enough this holiday season. And, of course, you can expect to impress people wherever you go.BORN THIS WEEK: Your dedication brings you the success you strive for, and your gen-erosity impels you to reach out and help oth-ers on their way up.

FOR WEEK OF DECEMBER 21, 2009

(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

SEEKING ANSWERS?

Intuitive Psychic

CALL DEBORAHGIFTED READER

1-888-330-6853

Shopping for last-minute gifts? Personalized baskets are always a hit, and it’s something you can do yourself. You can put nearly any-thing in a basket (add colored tissue paper and a ribbon) once you know your theme:

Crafts supplies, colored papers, scissors, •and a glue gun will please a crafter or an artistic child. Go with a cookbook, spatula, cheese •grater, kitchen towel and new frying pan for the cook.Puzzle and crossword books, a mechani-•cal pencil and a padded lap table for a puzzle fan. Stop at a gourmet food store and load up •a basket with crackers, cheeses, ham, sausage, candies and a cheese slicer. Keep an eye out for possible allergens, like nuts.

The best gifts are those that last all year. Some ideas:Forthefilmbuff,aNetflixsubscription--•Besides the low cost, there are no late fees. The movie CDs come in the mail, you keep them as long as you want and than pop them into the postage-paid red envelope to send them back. Select from plans offering a single film to multiplemovies at one time. The recipient needs a computer to make movie selections, and the monthly charge will show up on your credit card.Magazine subscription -- Select one with •a topic of interest to your recipient. Call directly to make sure there’s no confu-sion over billing versus delivery address, and ask which issue will be delivered first. Buy a copy of the current editionand wrap it with a card and a note about your soon-to-arrive gift.Gift baskets -- Check Harry and David’s •12-month Light Size Club Gift for a se-lection of fruit baskets that are sent each month. Also available are eight-month, five-month and three-month clubs. Call1-877-322-1200 after looking at the se-lections at www.harryanddavid.com.Your time -- Give the gift of yourself. A •packet of handmade coupons, each goodforaspecificchoreorevent,ortobe “cashed in”duringaspecificmonth,can go a long way to helping someone who might prefer your time over a new sweater.

Ifallelsefails,goforagiftcertificatetotherecipient’s favorite store. Be sure to ask about any fees for not using the card within a certain time frame.David Uffington regrets that he cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to [email protected].

Last-Minute Gifts? Don’t Panic

Individual Health & Dental • InsuranceAutos & Homes• Umbrella•

Group Health & Ancillary • BenefitsWork Comp & Business Liability•

(303) 397-7830 We’re here to help YOU! (877) 397 - 7830

HOME WORK

Unemployed?Tired of being

Broke?Be Your Own Boss!

Start Today!www.MaverickClubSite.com

When your financial obligations get too big...

Morse & Associates, LLC is here to help.

$500Bankruptcy

Garnishments• Foreclosure• Harassment•

Free Consultation

Payment Plans

Available

(303) 300-66841-877-284-7529

www.MorseBankruptcy.comWe are a federally designated debt relief agency

pursuant to Title 11 of the U.S. Code, to help people file bankruptcy

Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area December 21, 2009

America’s ninth president, William Henry •Harrison had the shortest term of any of our chief executives. After standing in a gloomy rainstorm delivering the longest in-augural address ever given, Harrison de-veloped pneumonia and died after only 31 daysinoffice.Harrisonheldotherrecordsas well – up to that time, he was the oldest mantobeelectedpresidentandthefirsttodieinoffice.Heistheonlypresidenttohave a grandson elected to the same of-fice,our23rd,BenjaminHarrison.The Guinness Book lists the shortest man •on earth as having a height of 2 feet, 5.37 inches. He Pingping is 20 years old and hails from China.The record for the shortest time for a one-•mile run hasn’t been broken in more than ten years. It was set by Hicham El Guer-rouj of Morocco, who ran the distance in an amazing 3 minutes and 43 seconds in 1999.The United States is home to only one •ofthetopfivetallestbuildings.Chicago’sSears Tower ranks number four in the world behind Taiwan’s Taipei 101 at 1,667 feet, and Malaysia’s twin Petronas Tow-ers at 1,483. There is only a 32-foot dif-ference between the twin towers and the Sears Tower.

LONG AND SHORT (continued)An Illinois bloodhound named Tigger •boasts the longest ears on a dog, mea-suring 13.75 inches on the right side and 13.5 inches on the left.Stretching 1.24 miles across Japan’s •Akashi Strait is the world’s longest suspen-sion bridge, the Akashi Kaikyo, or Pearl Bridge. Prior to its completion in 1998, people traveled on ferry boats from Kobe on the mainland to Awaji Island. However, after 168 children were killed in two sepa-rate ferry accidents, the Japanese gov-ernment made the decision to build the bridge.It took Cuban cigar maker Jose Cairo six •days to roll the world’s longest cigar, mea-suring nearly 149 feet. The stogie snaked through a room and out the windows of an old fort near Cuba’s Havana Bay. This feat, accomplished in 2008, was the fourth Guinness record achieved by Cairo.Xie Oiuping began growing her hair when •she was 13 years old, and 31 years later it had reached a length of nearly 18 and a half feet.

Tony Collins spent 77.5 hours on a hospi-•tal gurney in Britain’s Princess Margaret Hospital waiting for someone to pay atten-tion to his virus. He checked in at the front desk on a Saturday at 3:00 PM and wasn’t given a bed until Tuesday at 8:30 PM. And if once were not enough, at a later date when this diabetic patient fell ill again, he waited 60 hours on the gurney during that trip!It should be no surprise that Alaska has •the longest coastline of any U.S. state, with 6,640 miles of waterfront. Florida is a distant second with 1,350 miles and Cali-fornia in third place with 840 miles.Wick, Scotland is home to the shortest •street in the world, extending a mere 6 feet, 9 inches. Ebenezer Place has only one address along its length, the front door of a bistro that is part of Mackays Hotel. This Scottish community nabbed the title away from another United King-dom locale, Bacup, Lancashire, England,

whose Elgin Street measures 17 feet, 2 inches in length.The 98-foot-long Bridge Street in Hot •Springs, Arkansas hosts the world’s short-est St. Patrick’s Day Parade every year, featuringfloats,marchingbands,clowns,and other unusual entries. Residents claim that Bridge Street is “America’s shortest street in everyday use.”Shopping in More’s department store in •Kawasaki, Japan has been made so much easier with the construction of the world’s shortest escalator. At just 32 inches in ver-tical height, this moving staircase has only fivesteps,andonlygoesdown!Some celebrity couples just couldn’t make •it work! Drew Barrymore’s 1994 marriage to Jeremy Thomas lasted just 29 days, while actor Dennis Hopper and Mamas and Papas singer Michelle Phillips only made it eight days. Brittany Spears’ im-pulsiveLasVegasfirstmarriageendureda mere 55 hours, but it still lasted longer than the union between actress Robin Givens and tennis instructor Syetozar Marinkovic who split before the wedding day was out. When it came time for her second marriage, Drew Barrymore made it last a month, beating the record for her first.

The Neatest Paper Ever Read!

Owned and operated by:Mountain View Publishing, LLC

[email protected](303) 688-1987

www.TidbitsOfDenver.com

For advertising or distribution information call or e-mail us

today!

Everyday Case Discounts on

Wine and Spirits!In-Store Tasting Every Saturday 4PM - 6PM

LIQUOR WAREHOUSEWarehouse Selection and $avings

1550 S Parker Rd.(SE Corner of Parker Road & Florida Ave.)

303-368-8445

Super Low4.35%Sales Tax

CONVENIENT DRIVE-THRU

10% OFFANY WINE

OR LIQUOR PURCHASE

Excludes sale items, beer, and cigarettes. One coupon per visit. Not valid with other offers

Expires 1/31/10 TB

OPENMon - Thurs 9AM - 10PM

Fri & Sat 9AM - 11PMSun 10AM - 6PM

Aurora Sentinel

Colorado B

lvd.

Manaco Iliff

I-25

Mississippi Ave

FloridaParker Road

Hampden Ave

Havana

Take This Coupon To Wallaby’s and $AVE!


On • Dec. 24, 1851, a devastating fire at the Library of Congress inWashington, D.C., destroys about two-thirds of its 55,000 volumes, including most of Thomas Jefferson’s personal library. Today, the collection, housed in three enormous buildings in Washington, contains more than 17 million books.On • Dec. 23, 1888, Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh, suffering from severe depression, cuts off the lower part of his left ear with a razor while staying in Arles, France. He later documented the event in a painting titled “Self-Portrait With Bandaged Ear.”On • Dec. 27, 1900, prohibitionist Carry Nation smashes up the bar at the Carey Hotel in Wichita, Kan., causing several thousand dollars in damage and landing her in jail. Nation became famous for carrying a hatchet and wrecking saloons as part of her anti-alcohol crusade.On • Dec. 21, 1937, “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” debuts. Thefilm,createdbyWaltDisney’sanimation company, was the firstfeature-length animated movie. The film became a classic, andbox-office receipts recouped thefilm’s cost of $1.5 million by theendofitsfirstyearincirculation.On • Dec. 26, 1946, in Las Vegas, mobster Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel opens The Pink Flamingo Hotel and Casino at a total cost of $6million. The 40-acre facility wasn’t complete. Because gamblers had no rooms at the hotel, they took their winnings elsewhere. The casino lost $300,000 in the firstweek of operation.On • Dec. 22, 1952,thefirstCorvettesports car, a running production-ready prototype, is completed. The name “Corvette” came from a type of small, maneuverable warship used by Allied forces in World War II. On • Dec. 25, 1996, 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey is killed in her Boulder, Colo., home. John and Patsy Ramsey, her parents, called police at 5:52 a.m. the following morning to report their daughter missing. JonBenet’s body was found under a blanket in the basement that afternoon.


1. MOVIES: What horror actor starred in the 1958 version of “The Fly”?2. LANGUAGE: “Draw, O Caesar, erase a coward” is an example of what?3. COMICS: What was the name of Caspar the Friendly Ghost’s ghost horse friend?4. LAW: What did the 21st Amendment to the Constitution do -- or rather, undo?5. TELEVISION: What was the name of the evil group that battled the good guys on “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.”6. CHEMISTRY: What is the symbol for the element gold?7. INVENTIONS: Who is credited with inventing the bicycle pedal?8. LITERATURE: Who wrote the autobiographical novel “Empire of the Sun”?9. ART: For what subject matter was painter John Singer Sargent best known?10. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: Who said, “The unexamined life is not worth living”?

Answers1. Vincent Price2. A palindrome (reads the

same forward and backward)3. Nightmare4. It repealed Prohibition5. THRUSH6. Au (from the Latin word

“aurum”)7. Pierre and Ernest Michaux8. J.G. Ballard9. Portraits10. Socrates


Joeleen BeckerCall (720) 985-2010

www.aPlanForEveryone-Colorado.com

HEALTH INSURANCE RATES ARE GOING UP!

CALL ME TO LOCK IN YOUR LOW RATE FOR 3 YEARS, BEFORE THE

NEW YEAR.JOELEEN

720-998-1417


Reach 40,000+ readers every

week.PLACE YOUR

CLASSIFIED AD HERE

Call (303) 688-1987 or email Classifieds@

TidbitsOfDenver.com

1986 Subaru Brat - 5 speed, good

brakes, new tires and new paint,

good upholstery andglass$3000.00

(303) 343-8761

NO SALARY LIMITATION!Earn as much as you want! Immediate

openings for sales representatives. Must have own

transportation, be self-motivated and be able to cold call.

Contact HR@

TidbitsOfDenver.com

Your Guide To Holiday CheerIf you are planning on a holiday cocktail party or dinner party, you will probably be serving a little liquid holiday cheer.Wallaby’s Liquor Warehouse offers you some advice for your holiday gathering:When determining how much wine you will need, follow this simple guide:For a 2 hour cocktail party; 2 glasses/personFor a 4 hour dinner party; 5 glasses/person1 750ml bottle of wine will pour 5, 5oz servings.The proper temperature to serve white wine is approximately 45 degrees. You should serve red wine at 65 degrees. A good wine to drink before your meal, while mingling,isaMoscatoD’Asti.This$13-$20wine is sweet and low in alcohol.If you are serving beef, you might want to serve a Cabernet Sauvignon. Cabs start at about$10andareveryboldandassertive.Savignons do not pair well with spicy foods but do well with milder spices, such as black pepper. You can also serve a Merlot. Merlot-based wines are usually medium-bodied with hints of berry, plum and currant. Pick up a few bottlesatWallaby’sfor$8-$20each.

For pork or salmon, try Pinot Noir. The tremendously broad range of bouquets, flavors,texturesandimpressionsthatPinotnoir can produce sometimes confuses tasters. At Wallaby’s you will find a widevariety in the $8 - $20 range and friendlysalespeopletohelpyoufindtherightbottlefor your party or meal.Lamb is often a holiday favorite and you’ll want to serve Shiraz (also known as Syrah). These wines are often quite powerfuylly flavoredandfull-bodiedandwithinthe$8-$20range.Ifyouareservinglobsterorothershellfish,tuna or light meat then a Sauvignon Blanc is what you will want to serve. Depending on the climate, the flavor can range fromagressively grassy to sweetly tropical. Wine experts have used the phrase “crisp, elegant, and fresh” as a favorable description. When slightly chilled, pair this wine with cheese and sushi. Walalby’s Liquor Warehouse has several SauvignonBlancs for between $8and$20.For a good dessert wine in the $8 - $25range, try a Riesling. This white German wine is used to make dry, semi-sweet, sweet and sparkling wines. Riesling wines are usually pure and seldom oaked. Port is typically a sweet red wine often served as a dessert wine. Porto Pocas is a

goodchoiceat$11andupperbottle.If a bold red is more your speed, try a Zinfandel.Between$10and$20perbottle,Zinfs are a good affordable choice. White Zinfandel is an off-dry to sweet, pink-colored wine. White Zin is a good choice to drink with hors d’ovres and is available for aslittleas$8perbottle.PinotNoircanalsobe served with hors d’ovres.Will you be caroling or taking a hay ride? Try a warm mulled wine such as Gluhwein. Starting at $6 a bottle, this is a holidayfavorite.And let’s not forget the bubbly. Wallaby’s Liquor Warehouse has a wide variety of sparkling wines (cava) and Champagnes. Sparklingwinesrunaslittleas$10abottlewhile high end Champagnes begin around $30.ForanexcellentAmericanChampagne,try Schramsberg; the only champagne served at the White House.Wallaby’s Liquor Warehouse is located at 1550 S Parker Rd (SE Corner of Parker Rd and Florida Ave in Denver). See ad and coupon on page 3!

Email [email protected] Call (303) 688-1987E D U C AT I O N

OCEAN CORP. Houston,

Texas. Train for New Career.

Underwater Welder, Commercial

Diver, NDT/Weld Inspector. Job placement and financialaidfor

those who qualify, 1-800-321-0298.

MISCELLANEOUS

WHERE SINGLES MEET: Listen

& Reply to Ads FREE! Straight 303-302-3022

Curious? 303-302-3020 Use FREE

Code 7325,18+Call 888-Megamates!

Locally Owned Family Business offers$99a

month for most bookkeeping tasks, including payroll.

Call Today. Receive the FIRST MONTH

FREE. (303) 909-1670

www.99Dollar

Bookkeeping.com

Dear Tidbits Readers: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area can now place your display or classified ad in over300 papers across the country! Papers such as: American Classifieds; PennySaver; Thrifty Nickel; and other Tidbit publications throughout the USA. There is no need to contact each paper individually to place an ad.

PRIVATE PARTY ADS - start at $12.00 per week for the first 20words and 35 cents for each additional word.

B U S I N E S S /COMMERCIAL ADS - start at $18.00 per week for the first 20words and 35 cents for each additional word.Email us at C l a s s i f i e d s @TidbitsOfDenver.com or call us at (303) 688-1987 to place your ad today

A D O P T I O N

ARE YOUR PREGNANT? Professional

secure couple wishes to adopt and Love your infant. We can

help with medical/living expenses. Completely legal. Call our attorney David Radis 800-

637-2882.

FURNITURE

BOOKKEEPING

DIY Network TV Show Casting Denver Area Homeowners

Have you messed up your own

renovation project and don’t know

what to do next?Share your

struggle, get some expert help and be

on TV! There’s no cost to participate

and Producers are casting

immediately! For an application

or more information, please

call 303-712-3247 or

email rescue@

highnoontv.com

Kitchen Dining Table &AccessoriesFrench Country Set with 4 chairs, area

rug, chair pads, lamps

303 766-9649$300.000

FOR RENT $1300. Monument School District 38. 3 BR, 2.5 Bath, 1-Car

Garage with versatile Bonus

Room. Easy commute to Denver

and Springs. Available now 719-337-9203, 719-332-4659.

C A S T I N G C A L L

E M P L O Y M E N T


Need a new best friend?

Kitty Mae - 1-year-old, spayed female, short hair mix. ID #A0529551

Cat Of The Week

Dumb Friends League2080 South Quebec St.

Denver, CO 80231 (303) 751-5772www.ddfl.org

Call to adopt one of these or any of the other wonderful pets available

for$55-$115.

Dog Of The WeekSasha - 1-year-old, female spayed Australian cattle dog mix. ID# is A0537595

It was French author, philosopher and •journalist Albert Camus who made the following sage observation: “Nobody re-alizes that some people expend tremen-dous energy merely to be normal.”According to records kept by the Social •Security Administration, the name “Ba-rack” was ranked 2,409th in 2008, up more than 10,000 spots from 12,535th in 2007.Large cities often use high-occupancy •vehicle (HOV) lanes in order to encour-age carpooling and help reduce trafficcongestion. As soon as the lanes ap-pear, however, people start getting cre-ative about ways to get around the re-striction. Pregnant women have claimed to be carrying an extra passenger even when all the other seats are empty, and more than one person has placed a man-nequinorinflatabledollinthefrontseatin an effort to fool authorities. Recently, an undertaker in Los Angeles went to court to appeal a judgment against him, claimingthatthebodyinacoffinintheback should count as a passenger.Are you a hypergelast? If you are, it’s •nothing to be ashamed of; in fact, it might mean you’re the life of the party. A hypergelast is someone who laughs a lot.Moore’s Law is not good news to those •of us who might be a bit technologically challenged; it states that computer tech-nology doubles in complexity every 18 to 24 months.Those who study such things claim that, •when it comes to accidents involving household appliances, you’re more like-ly to be injured by a washing machine, but if you are injured by a clothes dryer, it’s more likely to be fatal.

Thought for the Day: “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”

-- Thomas SzaszWEEKLY ANSWERS

A piece of pavement walked into a bar. It grufflyorderedabeer,drankitdowninonegulp, slammed his money on the counter, and then left. “Whew!” sighed the bartend-er. “That was a close one!” “Why?” asked another customer. “That guy that was just here? He’s a cycle path.” My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t operate my Game Boy?” “I’d love to drive a big rig,” I told my uncle, a truck driver, “but I’d worry about driving down the road some late night and falling asleep at the wheel.” “Here’s a tip to stay awake,”heoffered.“Puta$100billinyourleft hand and hold it out the window.” My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was es-cortingthesuspecttotheofficeinthefrontof the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run. After a scuffle, my friend pinnedhim against the wall and looked up to see several surprised customers staring at him. “Everything’sfine,”hereassured.“Thisguyjust tried to go through the express line with more than ten items.” “You just go ahead,” the man in the shop-ping mall said to his wife. “While you’re shopping, I’ll just browse in the hardware store.” An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ringing up the last of a basket full of tools and supplies. “Are you buying all this?” his wife asked incredulously. “Well, yes,” he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm

toward the interior of the store, he added, “But look at all the stuff I’m leaving behind.”One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, “Mommy, to-day in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl re-plied, “My homework.” A college student at a recent football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a dif-ferent world,” the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh....” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the old geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are YOU doing for the next generation?” A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old estab-lished hair cutters’ place. They put up a big bold sign which read: “We give seven dollar hair cuts!” Not to be outdone, the old master barberputuphisownsign:“Wefixsevendollar hair cuts!” A passenger jet was suffering through a se-vere thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?” To which he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not manage-ment.” Mother: “Why are you home from school so early?” Son: “I was the only one who could answer a question.” Mother: “Oh, really? What was the question?” Son: “Who threw the eraser at the principal?” When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included re-spondingtofireandburglaralarms.Asidedoor of the building was wired with a secu-rity alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning “Alarm will sound if opened,” failed to deter people from using it. One day, after attend-ing to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that to-tally eliminated the problem: “Wet paint.”

By Samantha Weaver


WEEKLY FUNNIES

Call (303) 688-1987 or

emailInfo@TidbitsofDenver

.comToday!


EventsCabinet of Curiosities: October 9, 2009 - March 5, 2010; Indoor Gallery at the Museum of Outdoor Art, 1000 Englewood Pkwy, Ste 2-230, Englewood. Mon - Thu 9:00 am - 5:00pm Fri 9:00 am - 4:00 pm. A whimsical exhibition showcasing the talents of 12 artists working in a new vintage style to create artistic worlds in furniture, cabinets, rooms, antique luggage, hand blown glass and fashion armoires. The juxtapositions of disparate objects is sure to delight the historian, tinkerer and armchair scientiest. Among the many oddities, you will see Lewis Carroll’s “Imaginary Cabinet Room” by Lonnie Hanzon, Nick Bantock’s “Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man” and Elaine Pellham’s “Fisher King’s Tackle Box”.ADMISSION IS FREE! www.moaonline.org

The Aurora Business Women invite you to attend the Woman of the Year event on Thursday, January 7, 2010, at 5:30 pm at which time 2 outstanding Aurora business women will be honored. Former First Lady of Aurora, Kate Tauer, will be keynote speaker. The event costs $20fordinnerandisbeingheldatSt.Andrew’s Village, 13801 E. Yale, Aurora, CO. Contact Teresa McEldowney ([email protected],or303.947.2209)prior to December 31, 2009, to make reservations.

National Western Stock Show and Rodeo: January 9, 2010 - January 24, 2010. Denver Coliseum. Bulls and broncs, cowboys and cowgirls - rodeo’s biggest superstars perform amazing feats of. athleticism during each performance of this professional rodeo. Showcasing the elegance and athleticism of the world’s top reining horses, the hard-hitting competition of Denver Professional Bull Riders Chute-Out and the Mexican Rodeo Extravaganza, this event has something for everyone. See WEbsite for full schedule: www.NationalWestern.com

Colorado Indian Market and Southwest Showcase. Denver Merchandise Mart.January 22, 2010 - January 24, 2010. From traditional Indian jewelry and pottery to paintings and sculptures, this is the place to findallmannerofthingsrelatingtoIndiancultureandheritage.$10Adults,FreeChildren 13 and younger.

Toastmaster s International: Every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month. Become the Speaker and Leader you want to be! 11:30 am - 12:30 pm, 6060 S Willo Dr, DTC. Contact Michelle at 720-987-3459. www.wrytoast.freetoasthost.com/index.html

To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail [email protected]

Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District: First Friday of every month 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum: First Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm. 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgCU In Broomfield World Music Series: Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month,7pmBroomfieldAuditorium,3Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum: First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens: Free days Check web site for 2010 schedule of free days.1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science: 2009 Free days: No more free days in 2009. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots: Denver FirefightersMuseum1356TremontPl,(303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art: First Saturday of every month admission = 1 penny. 1275 19th St in Denver. 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave. 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsColorado Avalanche - NHL

Wild host: Mon Dec 21, 6:00 pm•Ducks: Tue Dec 22, 8:00 pm•Stars: Sat Dec 26, 7:00 pm•Senators host: Wed Dec 30, 5:00 pm•Red Wings host: Thu Dec 31, 5:00 pm•Blue Jackets host: Sat Jan 2, 5:00 pm•Islanders: Wed Jan 6, 7:00 pm•Hurricanes host: Fri Jan 8, 5:00 pm•Sabres host: Sat Jan 9, 5:00 pm•

Denver Broncos - NFLAt Philadelphia: Sun Dec 27, 11:00 am•Kansa City: Sun Jan 3, 2:15 pm•

Denver Nuggets - NBAAtlanta: Wed Dec 23, 7:00 pm•At Portland: Fri Dec 25, 8:30 pm•Dallas: Sun Dec 27, 6:00 pm•At Sacramento: Mon Dec 28, 8:00 pm•At Utah: Sat Jan 2, 7:00 pm•Philadelphia: Sun Jan 3, 6:00 pm•

Colorado Mammoth - NLLAt Washington: Sat Jan 9, 8:30 pm•Edmonton: Sat Jan 16, 7:00 pm•

Superman had Foster Parents:Help a child in your community by becoming a licensed

foster parent with Denver Area Youth Services. For more information please contact Sarah at 303-302-3263.

Caroline’s Interior Consignments

Tuesday - Friday 10:00 am - 6:00 pmSaturday 10:00 am - 5:00 pm

Sunday 1:00 pm - 5:00 pmClosed Monday and legal holidays

10890 E Dartmouth Ave Ste D, Denver(between Havana and Parker)

(303) 337-8181

Truck Loads of new items Every Week!

100’s of pieces of new furtniture at LOW prices!

Shop Here for Quality and Savings!

Meat Market & Italian Deli15380 Smoky Hill Rd., Aurora CO 80015

(SE Corner of Smoky Hill and Chambers)303-699-4532

What’s on Your Wish List?Prime Rib• Pork Crown • RoastFresh Turkey•

Leg of Lamb• Rack of Lamb• Bone in Ham• Boneless Ham•

Carmine Lonardo’s

Call For Orders Today!

How to Eat an Elephant

Losing weight, toning and firming your body is a challenge - I want to help YOU!

Improve the quality of your lifeLook younger - Feel Better -

Be More Active...Let me help you make a

difference today!Kim Sopoci

personal fitness trainer

www.KimSopoci.com(303) 690.3507


Feline Physics Laws:Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heatflowsfromawarmertoacoolerbody, except in the case of a cat, in which caseallheatflowstothecat.

Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction Acatmustlayonthefloorinsuchaposition to obstruct the maximum amount ofhumanfoottraffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

Laugh Lines!

2004 SAAB 9,3 #59021A $9,997 Service history available 81k miles

2005 CHEVY COBALT #P10684 $7,777 This is a steal! 27k miles 2001 FORD MUSTANG #99154AA $8,994 Convertible, GT, hurry in!

2008 CHEVY AVEO #P10806 $8,777 Line new! 42k miles

2002 VOLVO S60 #910019A $8,677 Great savings! 76k miles

2001 SAAB 9,3 #59016A $6,997 Super clean, and ready for immediate delivery

2002 CHEVY TRACKER #P10760 $5,9994X4, WONT LAST!

2003 CHEVY MALIBU #P10613A $2,997 Great Starter Car!

Need Money? We will buy your vehicle with no obligations.

www.MikeShawAuto.com

Mike Shaw Chevrolet/Saab HUGE Pre-Owned Sale!FREE CAR

WASHWith Any Service

FREE VEHICLE

INSPECTION

With Any Service

$21.95

OIL CHANGE

All Makes All Models

Special Oils Extra

www.MikeShawAuto.com

Committed to Colorado

1080 S Colorado Denver CO 80246Service: 303-691-1264 Sales: 303-691-1290

Service HoursM-F 7:00 am - 6:00 pmSat 8:00 am - 5:00 pm

Sales HoursM-F 8:30 am - 9:00 pmSat 8:00 am - 7:00 pm

State of the Art

Collision Repair

Facility

Free Estimates

2009 INFINITI G37 #P10637 $27,974Super Clean, loaded! 20k miles

2008 HUMMER H3 #P10651 $21,497Wont last long! Hurry in!

2008 FORD F150 #P10769 $24,763Loaded, and ready for work or play 50k miles 2008 LAND ROVER #P10740A $43,888RANGE ROVER Navigation, loaded! 41k miles

2000 CHEVY 2500 #P10825 $10,999Great work truck! 4X4

2007 SUBARU IMPREZA #P10817 $10,777AWD, WONT LAST!

2009 CHRYSLER PT CRUISER #P10733Carfax 1-Owner! 19k miles $10,7772005 FORD MUSTANG #P10618A $10,578V-6, great starter car! 44k miles

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration Norugmayremaininitsnaturallyflatstatefor very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Help Wanted!You read this ad - and so did 40,000

other people.

Each week 40,000 people read Tidbits - Denver Metro Area. YOU can help businesses increase their visibility by placing their ad in Tidbits.

NO PRIOR SALES EXPERIENCE NEEDED!

We will train you!• We have some of the highest commission •

rates in the industry!You Are What You Earn!• There is no ceiling!•

Interested?We are hiring NOW!

Send an email TODAY to:[email protected]

tidbits - denver metro area - issue #1118

Documents