Cascadian Bioregion, Earth -- The controversial pagan cult known as “The Wolves of Vinland” announced today that they will be taking their ongoing spiritual war on the Blank Empire to space. On December 2nd, Paul Waggener, aka “Grimnir,” responded to claims made Friday by the New York Times that the Wolves were the “environmentalist component” of the “Alt-Right” political move-ment.

“We reject this false characterization completely,” Waggener wrote. “In fact, we belong to the CTRL-Right, and we’re in charge not of the environmental component, but the SPACE COMPONENT. The only race we care about is the space race. We’re dedicated to the idea that space belongs to the Working Man, and we won’t let the forces of bourgeois tyranny—such as this Space Monkey-run, purported “news” paper—stand in our way.”

Since this announcement, sources close to the Wolves have confirmed that the group, which has gained some notoriety in recent years for its unapologetic practice of a grisly form of heathen black magic known as “Brosatru,” has invested heavily in the development of devices designed to meet the challenges of interplanetary travel.

Author Jack Donovan, linked to the Cascadian chapter of the Wolves, which released several photos today of known Wolves members outfitted for space, admitted to spending, “at least 40 dollars,” between trips to Wal-Mart and several area thrift stores. “We’re not kidding ourselves. This is going to take a lot of hard work and it won’t be cheap, but I think we’re onto something here,” he stated, as he gazed dreamily toward the heavens.

When asked for comments concerning the Wolves’ technological advances, Matthias Waggener, sometimes known as Jarnefr and current chair of the Wolves athletic program replied: “We haven’t settled 100% on a technology of locomotion, but we are drinking a lot of Tang and we can ride our bikes pretty fast.” A member identified as Gunnar added, “F*ck yeah!” and crushed a can of Nat-

“The Only Way Forward Is Upward” Wolves of Vinland Announce Space Program

3 DECEMBER 2016 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WOLVESS P A C E P R O G R A M

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ural Light on his forehead. It is not known if the can was later recycled, further calling into question claims that the Wolves are environmentalists, or even truly “white.”

Little else is known about the aims of the Wolves’ space program, and many questions remain. How-ever, one member, referred to by others as Galdr, promised that more revelations are forthcoming. As he disappeared into the woods, he screamed, “WE ARE F*CK SORCERERS FROM MARS! F*CK SORCERERS! FROM MARS!” Other Wolves present nodded, hungrily.

For more information about the Wolves of Vinland and their developing space pro-gram, readers are advised to “sacrifice three young roosters to Heimdallr, “and “look right at their guts.”

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Enclosed : Recently declassified photos

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Author Jack Donovan, code name “Ofnir,” leads the way for the Cascadian chapter, giving the Operation Werewolf hand gesture to rally support from Earthbound donors.

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BrotherWolf Afi Volundr signals “92” as he dons his Hagalaz helmet, ready to make the ultimate sacrifice for the tribe.

BrotherWolf Fjall aligns his chakras for astral battle against the Jötnar known to reside on the dark side of the moon.

BrotherWolf Rekkr prepares his hands for “space pimp-ing,” a possible source of funding for future endeavors by the forward-thinking Space Wolves. His ray guns are sure to let his charges know, “what’s what.” Note the string of future-tech condoms across his chest, inspired by an-cient mythologies. They have been specially designed to protect the Wolves from “Space AIDS,” which is believed to be faster than regular AIDS, involving rapid genital necrosis and chest bursting alien spawn.

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In his Thurisaz helmet, BrotherWolf Ofnir recites terrible incantations, invoking unspeakable -- pos-sibly even racist -- gods and spirits, to channel the mysterious power of VRIL. It is believed that VRIL will be one of the main energy sources harnessed by the Wolves to make interplanetary travel and battle possible.

BrotherWolf Ofnir, illuminated by VRIL-powered lights, reveals a peice of a sacred asteroid. Have the Wolves been to space ALREADY?!!!!

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