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WRITING MOvIESFOR FUN AND PROFIT!

How We Made a Billion Dollars at the Box Oce

and You Can, Too!

ROBERT BEN GARANT

& THOMAS LENNON

Foreword by John Hamburg

A Touchstone BookPublished by Simon & Schuster

New York London Toronto Sydney


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Touchstone

A Division o Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue o the Americas

New York, NY 10020

Copyright 2011 by Third Baptist Holding Corp, and Lennon Entertainment, Inc.

RENO: S.O.S! Twentieth Century Fox. All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions

thereo in any orm whatsoever. For inormation address Touchstone Subsidiary

Rights Department, 1230 Avenue o the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Touchstone hardcover edition July 2011

TOUCHSTONE and colophon are registered trademarks o Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For inormation about special discounts or bulk purchases,

please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at

1-866-506-1949 or [email protected].

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event.

For more inormation or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers

Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Manuactured in the United States o America

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Library o Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Garant, Robert Ben.

Writing movies or un and proft! : how we made a billion dollars at the box ofce

and you can, too! / by Robert Ben Garant & Thomas Lennon.

p. cm.

1. Motion picture authorship. I. Lennon, Thomas. II. Title.

PN1996.G34 2011

808.2'3dc22 2011011985

ISBN 978-1-4391-8675-6

ISBN 978-1-4391-8677-0 (ebook)


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This book is dedicated to entertainment lawyers everywhereespecially Karl Austen

A portion o the authors proceeds rom this book are being

contributed to the USO o Metropolitan Washington,

a priate, nonprot organization dedicated to sering

actie duty military members and their amilies

in the greater Washington, D.C., region.


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CONTENTS

17. How to Pimp Your Moie 110

18. Naysayers 114

19. The Siler Lining 116

20. Our Lunch with Jackie Chan 120

21. Credit$ 124

22. Liing in Los Angeles 130

PART TWO: WRITING A SCREENPLAY23. I Your Screenplay Doesnt Hae This Structure, It Wont Sell,

or Robert McKee Can Suck It 147

24. In a Few Pages, Well Teach You How to Formulate

Characters in a Script 154

25. How to Write a Screenplay 166

26. Writing Action and Description 170

27. Adice or Writing with a Partner 175

28. Rewrites: You Want It When? And Im Getting Paid What?!?!?!!? 180

29. Martin Lawrence Has a Few Thoughts or How to Take Notes

rom a Moie Star 188

30. Arbitration or Who Wrote This Crap? 19331. Sequels! 198

32. Getting the Book Rights 201

33. Im Drinking Too Much. Is That a Problem? 204

34. Final Thoughts 208

Appendix: Sample Outlines 211

Glossary 295

Acknowledgments 313

Index 315

All tatplus FREE SAMPLES!


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FOREWORD BY JOHN HAMBURGWriter o Littl Focks, I Lov You, Man,

Mt th Focks, Zooland, and Mt th Pants

Ive known Tom Lennon and Ben Garant since the time they were young,hungry sketch comedians resh out o New York University, trying to

make a go o it in the big city. And rom those humble beginnings, its

been an honor and pleasure to watch two o the unniest, most talented

comedic minds I have ever come across completely sell out and get rich

by churning out an endless supply o mindless Hollywood screenplays.

Now, having just purchased this tome, youre probably asking your-

sel, Why the hell did I just shell out twenty bucks or a how-to book by

the writers oHerbie: Fully Loaded? Thats a great question which I donot have the answer to. You clearly made an impulsive decision, and now

you have to live with it. What I do know is that, when it comes to writ-

ing big, commercial, hit movies, Tom and Ben truly know what they are

talking about. They treat the job like proessionalsmore like termina-

tors reallyand their talent, insane work ethic, and practical approach to

movie-making has made them two o the most successul scribes in the

industry.

Whereas most o us try our hardest to dress down or our meetingswith studio executives, when Tom and Ben go to pitch, as legend goes,

they wear matching suitsexpensive black suitsso that the execs who

may potentially shell out millions o dollars or these guys to write their

next potential ranchise know that they mean business (having directed

Tom as a gay man with whom Paul Rudd goes on a man date inI Love

You, Man I also know that black is incredibly slimming on him).

So, in spite o what I wrote a couple o paragraphs back, you have

actually made a very wise decision to purchase this book. Aside rom the

trademark Lennon/Garant wit weve seen in movies like Vin Diesels The


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FOREWORD BY JOHN HAMBURGG

Paciferand the Queen Latiah/Jimmy Fallon vehicle Taxi, this is the most

practical, no-nonsense, and useul book Ive ever read on what it really

takes to make it as a writer in the movie business.

John Hamburg

New York City

November, 2010


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INTRODUCTION

Quit now, or you might just get rich!

So you want to write movies or un and prot?

By now youve noticed that the words un and have been crossed

out rom the title o this bookand or good reason: this is not someruity Robert McKee screenwriting guide thats going to help you crack

your storythis book is not or un. It is the guide to writing hit movies

that make you and the studio piles o money. Period. Yes, we know there

was a period at the end o the sentence, but we added the word period

too, to show you how very serious we are, exclamation point.

Now, i you want to write art-house lms, please put this book

down immediately and go gaze longingly out the window. We have no

practical inormation or you on how to write Atom Egoyan lms or

the kind o lms that they show at the Angelika Film Center in Robert

DAviDMichELLincoLn


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INTRODUCTION

McKeeloving Greenwich Village. We do have an appreciation or art-

house lms, especially the ones where you see Helen Mirrens boobs.

This book is not about screenwriting theory. As Grandpa used to

say: Screenwriting theory and a MetroCard will get you a ride on the subway.

This book is ull o the practical inormation that nobody else can tell you

about surviving and conquering the Hollywood studio system. This is

inormation you need to know, and you will nd it only here. And in case

you dont believe us, with our screenwriting weve made:

$1,467,015,501

and counting at the box oce.

Yes, three commas mean billion, people. And people oten get con-

used. A billion is ONE THOUSAND MILLION, not one hundredmillion. Grandpa used to say: One hundred million dollars and a Metro-

Card, and you can buy your own train. Like those two dudes in Wild Wild

West.

In this book, you will learn everything you need to know about how

to sell and write your own GIANT, FOUR-QUADRANT BLOCK-

BUSTER! (Hell, yes, we put selling beore writing. Any crusty old flm

school proessor can tell you how to write a scriptbut i they knew how to sell

one, they wouldnt be working at some crappy flm school!)Youll learn how to pitch, why to write a spec, when to shut up and

nod, and what to do with the giant mountains o cash youre going to

earn writing movies in abulous Hollywood, Caliornia!

How do I get an agent? Whats a producer do? How do I or-

mat my script correctly to turn it in to 20th Century Fox? Should I use

Windex or soap and water to clean the see-through glass hood on my new

Lamborghini?

Youll learn all this and more in this easy-to-read guidebook to

making millions and millions o dollars the old-ashioned waywriting

movies or some giant Hollywood studio! (We even include a ew compli-


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INTRODUCTION

ThoMASLEnnon

ARchivES

mentary samples o movie treatments and outlinesyours ree with the

purchase o this book!)

So what are you waiting or! Turn the page and dive ina wonderulworld o un and prot awaits!

R. B. Garant & Thomas Lennon

(Dictated, but not read)


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PART ONESELLING YOUR MOvIE

I you dont sell it, its not a screenplay.

Its a stack o paper or the recycling bin.


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1GETTING STARTED IN HOLLYWOOD

As the title o this chapter implies: YESyou need to be in Hollywood,

Caliornia, i youre going to make even TINY piles o money writing

movies. Once you are rich and established, THEN, and only thencan

you move into a abulous brownstone next to Ethan Hawke in New Yorks

independent-movie-loving West Village. But until youre a huge success,

you need to be in Los Angeles. Period. Exclamation point.

Why? you ask. Im a writer, I can write anywhere. Well, guess what:

ThATS BuL7$*!t

I youre serious about screenwriting, you must be in Los Angeles,

Caliornia. It is the world headquarters o the movie industry. (Outside o

India, which is the REAL world headquarters o the movie industry. They

make so many movies its ridiculous.)

You need to have access to the studios all the time, and they need

to have access to you. You have to live in L.A. so that you can go to the

DAviDMichELLincoLn


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WRITING MOvIES FOR FUN AND PROFIT!

4

studios and meet ace-to-ace. At any time. Movies take YEARS to get

madeit could take eight to ten YEARS to get a movie going. Stars will

get attached, all out . . . your star will pick up a tranny on Santa Monica

Boulevard, go to rehab, punch a cop, impregnate a nanny . . . or the worst

ate imaginable: their level o ame will cool o the tiniest bit.

You NEED TO BE AROUND the people who are making the decisions.

You need to be on their radar.

You need to be in L.A.

You need to be there, doing punch-ups and round tables and some-times REWRITING ALL OF ACTS I AND III ater a horrible table

read. (This happens more oten than you might imagine.) Theres also

almost always a writer or team o writers on call or movies that are in

production. You need to prove to the studios that you can be a hero to

them by: Coming up with new scenes, dialogue, gags, structure. Being

available. And guring out a way to make their ideas work.

There is, quite simply, ONE THING every studio executive wants.

TO MAKE SUCCESSFUL FILMS? you ask.No. TO NOT GET FIRED, dummy. Successul lms are a bonus,

but the turnover or executives at the studios is ast, and not getting

red is the immediate goal around town. Many executives wont last

the length o a whole movies production at a studio. THEY WANT TO

STAY AT THEIR JOBS, and you need to help them.

BE THE PERSON WHO HELPS THEM NOT GET FIRED.

That means you need to be around.

HERES WHAT YOU WILL NEED TO GET STARTED

IN HOLLYWOOD

1. The Right Tools

The industry standard or all scripts is a computer program called Final

Drat (www.naldrat.com). You must write in this program; there is no

other accepted ormat. Its also a really great program and phenomenally

easy to use. Its also a little bit expensive, so save your receipt and use the

program to GET RICH QUICK. I you already have Final Drat (which,


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GETTING STARTED IN HOLLYWOOD

5

i youre holding this book, is quite likely), learn how to properly ormat

your script (See chapter 6, Idiot Check.). The vast majority o scripts

are ormatted WRONG.

2. An Agent or Manager

Yes, you need an agent. And to get one these days, you must be creative.

Simply sending out your script is perhaps the LEAST likely way to get

one. Sending out your script unsolicited is about as appealing to agents

as a cold call rom a discount butt sandwich company. A method that will

have a much higher success rate would be to write a short script, unny,

scary, or touching, and SHOOT IT. Get it up on YouTube or FunnyorDie(or the hundred other sites like those). BE CREATIVE. Do a reading, put

up your play, enter a screenwriting competition. Try ANYTHING. You

will have to. But the absolute astest way is to HAVE SOMETHING

PRODUCED. Something concrete they can point to and say, Theres

talent. Even i its thirty seconds long and only on the internet, a n-

ished product gives you a huge advantage over a script on paper. I you

dont know any actors, take a class at the Upright Citizens Brigade in Los

Angeles; you will meet tons o actors. (They have a theater and school inNew York, too, but you already know YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO

BE IN NEW YORK, DUMMY.)

Remember, the movie sotware that comes FREE on any Mac com-

puter has better editing programs than ever existed or most o the his-

tory o the movie industry. I Orson Welles were alive today, he would be

thrilled and amazed at the moviemaking power o a fip camera and the

simplest laptop computer.*

S

Wy d yu eed a aget r maager?

* I Orson Welles were alive today, his penchant or chili cheese ries

would have made him approximately the size o the Grith Park Ob-

servatory (pictured here, or scale).

DAviD

MichELLincoLn


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6

For SEVERAL reasons.

Most studios will not take unsolicited material. They wont even look

at your script unless an agent or manager hands it to them. And it has to

be a rep (representativethat means agent or manager) whom the stu-

dio has done business with in the past. (Your buddy Rick cant just print

up cards that say Agent Rick on them and expect to be able to get your

script into a studio.) The studios do this to weed out the rira.

You need someone to negotiate your deals or you. To negotiate well,

your reps need a LOT o inormation (what deals have been negoti-

ated similar to yours and or how much money, how much cash does the

studio have at the time, etc.). They need inormation, negotiating skills,the charm o a diplomat, nerves o steel, and the balls o a great white

shark.* The negotiations can get REALLY nasty. (Especially as you get

more expensive!) Your reps and the studio will really play hardball as

your quote gets higher and higher. You dont want to be the one nego-

tiating or yoursel; you want to be the good guy. Let your reps be the

pricks.

Some writers not only have an agent and a manager, they also have

an ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER. (We have all three. And our lawyeris the scariest one on our team. Hes a nice guy and all . . . hes just ready

to chew your heart out and spit in back in your ace at the drop o a hat.)

A etertamet lawyer? Really?

YES! His job is JUST to negotiate deals. Hes usually the one guy on your

negotiating team who doesnt have a buddy-buddy relationship with thestudio. Because hes NOT the one whos out there every day, schmooz-

ing and getting jobs or his clients. Hes a lawyerhis job is to be hated/

eared. AFTERyour reps have gotten you in the door and youve gotten

the job, the LAWYER swoops in to help negotiate the deal. He usually

gets us 25 percent more cash than we would have gotten without him.

Bak t maagers ad agets:

* Memo to assistant: Google whether great white sharks have balls or not.


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7

So they get your script in the door, they negotiate your dealand . . .

Good reps have relationships with people at the studios. Theyre usu-

ally pretty gregarious people. They go to a lot o parties and are riends

with people in every area o the businesstalent and studio execs and

producers. They know which exec, at which studio, is buying what kind

o scripts at any given time. I you have a spec, they have a good sense

o which studio or producer might want it. And they are always sni-

ing around to nd you work and to set you up with people who might

hire you.

Trust us. You need a manager and/or an agent. An entertainment

lawyer too.Do you need an agent AND a manager? Not always. We like hav-

ing both, because between all o them, they cast a VERY WIDE NET

to nd us work. And when were making big business decisions, we like

getting advice rom dierent points o view. They dont always agree with

each other on what our next move should beand thats a good thing. It

makes us think about our next moves very careully.

But not everyone has both. (Oh, and those people do not come ree.

They all take a percentage o what you earn.)

Wats te deree betwee

a maager ad a aget, ayway?

For one thing, agents tend to be more specialized: we have a eatures

agent, a TV agent, an acting agent, and a literary agentour guys, eachhandling one aspect o our career, all at the same talent agency. They each

have tons o clients, but they can handle it, because they are ocused on

one aspect o your career. Managers tend to ocus on your entire career

every aspect o what you do.

Managers tend to have ewer clients, and they ocus on the big

picture, or where your career is going. This may be overstating the di-

erence between managers and agentsbut agents tend to be ocused on

your next job; managers tend to ask you questions like Where do you see

yoursel in ve years?

Heres how one o our managers explains the dierence:


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8

WHaT IS THE dIFFErEncE BETWEEn

a manaGEr and an aGEnT?

Peter Principato

ounder, Principato Young Entertainment

(and Toms manager)

A recent age-old question. These days, I think there are more manag-

ers than there is actual talent to represent. That is because it is honestly

easier to become a manager than it is to become an agent. An agent is, by

denition, a licensed employment agency, while anyone can hang a shin-

gle on the door and say they are a manager. Even though the job require-ments are similar and the agent/manager paradigm continues to change,

there are dierent types o agents and dierent types o managers.

Agents are glitzy; Managers are down-to-earth

First o all, the simplest way I can explain the dierence between agents

and managers is to look back at high school, as show business is just a

bigger blown-out version o high school to begin with. You have yourcliques, still made up o high school stereotypes: the popular crowd,

the nerds, the slow kids, and the indescribables, with the studios and

networks playing the role o athletic departments and school clubs and

the power shit changing with each and every project that people put

out. That said, agents are like the specic subject teachers (math, so-

cial studies, english, science, etc.), and managers are like the guidance

counselors. Managers help make the right choices, guide a career, look

toward the uture, really get to know a clients hopes and dreams, andtry to lay a path to make them come true. This doesnt mean that there

are not agents who do the same, but or the most part the agents have

expertise in a very specic area. You have your lm talent agents, lm

literary agents, TV literary agents, TV talent agents, personal appear-

ance agents, book agents, etc. Best-case scenario? Managers try to have

an expertise in ALL these areas and understand how to navigate the big

picture, to make sure a client, who may have many talents and abilities,

is utilizing all o these assets and not just concentrating on one specic

area.


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9

Agents are heat seekers; Managers are caretakers

Also, agents tend to have much larger client lists to ulll the needs o

opportunities being oered and to control a market share o the busi-

ness, while managers tend to have ewer clients to ocus on. Now that

doesnt mean that managers will not have a good amount o clients.

Agents tend to like to represent people with existing credits and a body

o work so that they can plug them into opportunities more easily, while

managers tend to take chances early on in a clients career, helping build

a body o work to attract an agent. These days agents and managers

work hand in hand with each other and balance out the relationship,giving the clients more eyes and manpower to create and nd opportu-

nities to build a career on.

Agents love money; Managers love art and commerce

Gone are the daysalthough some people still handle their business

this waywhen the agents controlled all the ino and fow o that ino,

and managers work out o their homes with one or two clients and takecare o all the personal needs o a client; we have evolved and the busi-

ness invented the personal assistant, and while more and more agencies

grow in power, infuence, agendas, and prestige, the bigger they get, the

more critical the need or the modern-day manager has become. It is

a new day. A day when the agent and the manager work hand in hand

while watching their backs! Having been both, it is a ne line indeed,

but one thing is clear: the need or both has become most urgent. Until,

o course, a client decides they dont want either and just sticks with anattorney to make deals. OY!

I think, to sum it up most clearly:

Agents wear suits; Managers wear jeans

3. Discipline

The single most important ingredient in your success and the thing that

will separate you rom amateur screenwriters (pronounced: everyone in

the world) will be your work habits. Here is a general rule o thumb: AL-


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2WHY ISNT ANYONE BUYING

MY BRILLIANT SCRIPT?

There are many sel-proclaimed screenwriting gurusthough how you

get to be a guru o something youve never actuallydone is beyond us.

Screenplays are like blueprints. A guy whos drawn up a lot o blueprints

that have never actually been made into buildings is not an architecture

guru, hes an unemployed douchebag. A guy who talks about screen-

writing but whos never sold a screenplay is not a screenwriting guru,hes a lecture circuit bullshit artist. From now on, thats what well call

them.

. . . Where were we? Oh, yeah:

There are manylecture circuit bullshit artists who say that to write a

good screenplay, the most important thing is to come up with a story

that needs to be told. They use that phrase over and over: Is yours a

story that needsto be told?

Heres a little homework or you. Go see what movies are playing in

your local theaters right now. Well wait.

DAviDMichELLincoLn


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12

Okay, nowcan you honestly say any o those movies playing has a

story that NEEDED to be told? Really? Was Transormers 2: Revenge o

the Fallen a story that neededto be told?

Even with the greatmovies? The Matrix. Casablanca. Terminator. The

Pacifer.* Are those stories that neededto be told? A documentary about a

guy wrongully accused o murder, and the guy is still on death row right

nowsure. That story needsto be told.

Stud Mes eed t be e tg:

EnTERTAininG.

Some producers will say that the movie being entertaining is the

ONLY important thing. Screw character development, screw story. We

dont go quite that ar. But ater we turn our script in, they usually hand it

over to another writer, who proceeds to take out the story and characterdevelopment SO THAT THE MOVIE IS SHORT AND ENTER-

TAINING.

A movie where Luke Skywalker and his dad go through therapy and

work out their issues would probably make a good story. But unless they

blow up a couple Death Stars along the way and get Princess Leia wet

AND in a bikini (two dierent scenes) thenstory-schmory. Even mov-

ies about serious topics need to be entertaining frst. (Remember, were

not talking indies here. Were talking about STUDIO MOVIES.)Norma Ray, Silkwoodentertaining as hell. Theyre studio movies. They arent

slow, and they keep you on the edge o your seat.

I youre running around Hollywood and you cant understand why

your GREAT STORY isnt selling . . . then check: Is your movie as enter-

taining as Die Hard?

I not

* Do we really put The Paciferup there with Casablanca? Yes. Yes, we do. But dont trust us. GO

BUY IT ON DVD RIGHT NOW; MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOURSELF.


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WHY ISNT ANYONE BUYING MY BRILLIANT SCRIPT?

13

Go BAcK To ThE DRAWinG BoARD

Theres another consideration i your movie isnt selling: Is yourmovie a lot like OTHER MOVIES that play in the theater? We dont

mean a rip-o o some specic movie, like a Terminatorrip-o (those go

straight to DVD, because no movie stars will do them). We mean:

is t lke te kds mes tat play

multple teaters ad make mey?

Is it an epic tale about people rom dierent religions in a ve-way

never-requited love pentagon set in a leper colony during the Spanish

Inquisition? Thats gonna be a tough sell, buddy. Not a great date movie.

Best o luck to you.

Is it a love story about a Hugh Granttype guy who walks dogs or

a living? SOLD! Is it about a bank heist that gets stopped by an o-duty

cop who plays by his own rules? SOLD! Is it a comedy about an under-

dog in love with a girl out o his league?! OH MY GOD! WE LOVE IT!

Rule 1: n e wats yu t reet te weel.

Lets put it this way: Do you like movies that challenge and conuse

you? We do. Sometimes.Eraserheadis great. But not every night. Can you

take your in-laws and their kids to see Eraserhead? Can you pop Eraser-

head into your Blu-ray when your amily is over or Christmas to shuteverybody up or two hours? Can you give a DVD oEraserheadto your

olks or their birthday?

Dont get us wrong, we loveEraserhead. But 95 percent o Americans,

i you orced them to watchEraserhead, would want to punch that movie

in the ace and would punch YOU in the ace or making them watch it.

I you want to make movies like that, make an indie. Make a movie with

people who dont care about box-oce receipts.

Rule 2: Mst peple d t g t te mes t be alleged.

Tey g t te mes t be etertaed.


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14

O the writers we know who HAVENT been able to break into the

businessa lot o them think they can break into the movie business by

writing a script that breaks all the rules. QUITE THE OPPOSITE. Fol-

low all the rules, to the letter.

The OTHER reason that your brilliant screenplay youve been tak-

ing all over town isnt sellingis just that:

DonT hAnG YoUR DREAMS on

YoUR onE BRiLLiAnT ScREEnPLAY.

We know a ew writers whove ailed because, when their one screen-

play didnt sell, they kept tweaking it, and honing it, and rewriting it,

based on whatever eedback they got rom the last studio. A studio that

passed on it.

Ts s a bg mstake.

oe te bggest.

I everyone passed on your scriptconsider it dead. Bury it. Dig it up

again years rom now when youre as big as Tarantino, and theyll green-

light your old unsold scripts.

But you will never become a great screenwriter or write a great

screenplay by rewriting the same script over and over again. This bringsus back to a theme were going to hit a lot:


26/62


15ALWAYSBE

WRiTinGAlways be wrtg. Always be writing.

Always be wrtg.

Always be working on a new script. There are more reasons to always

be writing a new script than there are In-N-Out Burgers in the greater

metropolitan Los Angeles area. (See Chapter 22, Living in Los Angeles.)

1. I your rst script doesnt sell, you NEED to hae another one so that

maybe itwill sell, instead.

2. I your rst script des sell, then you nEED to hae another one so that

maybe it will sell too. Ater a studio reads your script, whether they buy it

or not, the next thing theyre going to say to you isSo whats next?

3. I youre looking or representation, they may not like the rst thing you

wrote; you should hae more than one script.

4. I youre looking or representation and they LOvE your rst script, they

need to know youre not a one-hit wonder. An agent once told us, I dont

represent scripts. I represent writers. Hae a bunch o scripts.


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16

5. ThiS onE iS ThE BiG onE: Yu get better at smetg ly by

dg t er ad er. D t statly. D t maaally.

I you want to be a painter, a boxer, or race proessional racing midg-

ets, the only way to get better at it is by doing it every day, or many hours

a day, with great discipline, or years and years.

People make the mistake o thinking that their rst script is going to

be great. It wont be. They think that they are born with a style and that

style will be PERFECTED beore theyve ever even written FADE IN.

It wont be. Your style will develop. It will grow. You will get better. Your

style will change.Dont believe us?

Try ts lttle epermet!

(it wll take yu a year, maybe twbut yu hAvE t d t.)

STEP ONE: Write a screenplay. Then read it. Then rewrite it.Keep rewriting it until it is the GREATEST SCREENPLAY IN HISTORY.

REPEAT with screenplay 2. Keep rewriting it until it is the

GREATEST SCREENPLAY IN HISTORY.

REPEAT with screenplay 3.

nw

G bak ad reread ScREEnPLAY 1. G, d t. Well wat.


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17

Did you go back and read your rst screenplay? Itsucks, right?

Seeyouve learned a TON by writing a bunch o screenplays!

Rule 3: Yu dt beme a gd wrter by tkg abut t.

Yu dt get better by talkg abut t. Yu get better by wrtg.

I your brilliant screenplay isnt sellinglearn rom your mistakes,

and WRITE ANOTHER ONE.

Nowstop reading this book, and GO WRITE ON YOUR SPEC.

Then come back and read the next chapter. Its terric!


29/62

3HOW TO PITCH YOUR MOvIE

Knowing how to pitch your movie is the only thing standing between

you and piles o money up to your armpits. Money that can be traded

or jet skis, piatas, and hot udge sundaes served o the bare bottoms o

Brazils most attractive models. So PAY ATTENTION. These ew simple

steps will show you how to pitch properly. Take notes, this is important!( Just kidding about the notes, we already wrote it all down or youjust

rip these pages out o the book and stick to them. Yes, even i youre in a

bookstore and havent purchased this book, YOU SHOULD STILL RIP

THESE PAGES OUT AND KEEP THEM HANDY!)

For the perect pitch, your movie needs two things:

1. A ew dea tat s easy t desrbe terms oThER SUccESSFUL

FiLMS.

Like wee said, be original, but dont reinent the wheel. Inoking the

name o a lm that has MADE A TON OF MONEY in your pitch is neer a

bad thing in Hollywood. For example: Its Di Hadmeets Hom Alon

set at a Chuck E. Cheese. PG. But instead o Bruce Willis to the rescue,

its an eight-year-old. And Hans Gruber is an animatronic raccoon gone

haywire. (This idea will probably sell, and its yours ree with the purchase

o this book.)

2. Te ma arater must be te kd awed-but-amazg arater a

MoviE STAR wats t play.


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HOW TO PITCH YOUR MOvIE

19

Remember: only a moie star or studio head can get your moie greenlit.

There are six or seen studio heads in the entire world and teen to

twenty moie stars. So shoot or a moie star, and your odds o getting your

pitch made into a lm will be three times as good. I a moie star wants to

make your moie, the studio head will hop on board immediately. All you

can do once a star is attached is to pray that he doesnt accidentally pick

up a transestite prostitute in ront o a news crew on his way home. Or

star in Gigli. It happens, een to the best o us.

A fawed-but-amazing character should be something like: GREG

(36) is the only dad in the all-moms CARPOOL. Despite his amazingly good

looks, hes shy around women. Hes too caught up in his work to notice thathes missing his son DANNY (7), growing up beore his eyes. Like it or not,

the example that studio heads throw at us ALL THE TIME is Lia Lia. Jim

Carrey is a TOTALLY LIKABLE, PERFECT FATHER with ONE FLAW: he lies.

(FEEL FREE TO USE THIS CHARACTER, GREG, COMPLIMENTS OF

THE AUTHORS, WITH YOUR PURCHASE OF THIS BOOK.)

Ad w te Art te Pt. i a ew rules:

1. Dress well.

DO NOT show up at a pitch in a Cabo Wabo T-shirt and fip-fops. The way

you look at a pitch should inspire condence. It should say to the buyer: I

dont write as a hobby, I write as a proession.

Let: Sammy Hagar in a Cabo Wabo T-shirt: No.Right: William Faulkner: Yes.

GETTYiM

AGES

GETTYiM

AGES


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20

2. Be able t desrbe yur me e setee.

For example: Its an animated ersion o Th Commitmntswith Santas

reindeer, showing how the sleigh-pulling team got together or the rst

time. (You cant hae that one. Uniersal owns that one.)

3. Keep yur pt srt.

NO JOKE. Keep it short. Do not waste their time. Keep your pitch to under

teen minutes. I possible, to around twele or thirteen minutes. Most

humans, especially those in the moie industry, hae ery short attention

spans. Dont abuse them. Keep it short, and let them ask questions ater-

ward.

4. At ut as mu as yu a.

Dont be araid to actually play the characters.

Take an improisation or acting class to hone your skills or pitching.

Make your pitch a pfomanc. Its more un or you and themand its

also the clearest way to tell the story. Its the way were most accustomed

to haingstories toldwere used to hearing them perormed. Dont be

shy. This is your one chance. Play eery character and moment to the hiltbut do not iolate number 3.

5. Prate yur pt.

Out loud. Say the pitch out loud oer and oer again, until youre so relaxed

telling it that you could tell it on a Tilt-A-Whirl. Practice the pitch. Saying it

out loud will also call attention to problems, glitches, and awkward parts

o the pitch, which you can correct. I you hae riends who will listen to

itTEST IT OUT ON THEM. The more you rehearse the pitch, the better itwill be. It will also help you time the pitch.

6. Be graus.

Seen times out o ten, your pitch WILL NOT SELL, and or reasons beyond

your control. Dont be surprised to hear things like Adam Sandler already

has a competing lion tamer moie in the works, so we cant buy a lion

tamer idea right now. Een i they dont buy your pitch, remember: YOU

ARE A WRITER. THEY NEED WRITERS. So be gracious, charming, and

generally wonderul to be aroundand you may well still get hired!!! To


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21

x another writers script, or work on the SOMALI PIRATES idea theyre all

excited about at Paramount.

RULE 4: i yu dt sell a pt, tats kay.

More oten than not, they want you to work on an idea THEY came

up with anyway. I you leave the room with them thinking: We wont do

his Die Hardin a Chuck E. Cheese idea, but that guys obviously a good

writer. Youve won! Youre in the door. Theyll call you in on another

project. I youre easy to work with, YOU WILL GET HIRED AGAIN.And again. Be gracious, polite, and the least amount o a dick you can

possibly be. Hollywood is a small town, and the assistant youre com-

plaining to today will be running the studio next year.


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WRITER SAFETY TIP: DONT PITCH DRUNK!

Okay, truth be told: we never actually pitched drunk, per se. But we did

pitch Disney with hangovers so bad that we had a moderate case o the

spins. And we were pretty conused in general, and we struggled to re-

member even the general idea o the slobs-versus-snobs comedy we had

been working on. (The general idea was: In the Future, Earth has run out

o beer. Hops will not grow in our hostile environment. A team o ragtag

losers who ailed the space program is assembled to make an intergalacticBEER RUN to another planet.)

But . . . we were so hung over that not only was it hard to pitch, it was

also almost IMPOSSIBLE to eat the chicken Caesar salads in ront o us

in the wonderul Disney executive dining room called The Rotunda.

Thats pretty hungover, indeed. The night beore, the very unny David

Cross oMr. Show had bought us a round o tequilas ater a bunch o

beers at a terric bar called the Three o Clubs,* and the rest is a movie

* Three o Clubs is apparently actually called: Three Clubs, 1123 N. Vine Street, Los Angeles,

CA 90038, www.threeclubs.com.

RoBYnvonSWAnK


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23

that never happened called Beer Runners. (Still a moderately good idea,

and NOT yours ree with purchase o this book.)

Remember: pitching is a perormance; you need your rest! Pitching

with a hangover can happen easily, especially i you are a New York writer

whos been fown out to Los Angeles or meetings. Be careul. L.A. is

a un town (in very small doses) and youll keep thinking: Its so early

here!* Sure, Ill have one more. Next thing you know, youre holding

on to the table or dear lie and staring down a chicken Caesar salad as

though its your mortal enemy. Sad. And when youre so hungover that

you almost have the shit-n-spinsyou probably dont SMELL that great

either! And people in this town already think writers stink, so dont giveem any more ammunition, Mr. Faulkner!!! Be sensible. Head back to the

hotel room and watch either a hit lm on pay-per-view or some o the

wonderul, award-winning pornography that our cousins in the San Fer-

nando Valley have assembled!

* Los Angeles is in the Pacic time zone, three hours earlier than New York City.


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36/62

JOINING THE WRITERS GUILD OF AMERICA, WEST

25

How do I get into this wonderul guild? you ask.

It was a while ago, so we kind o orgot how we got in. (Might have

been selling our pitch oLets Go to Prison, a decent rental right up until

the last ten minutes or so.)

So to answer that question simply, we asked the ormer president o

the Writers Guild, West, and our homey, Patric Verrone.

Hey, Patric, whats the easiest way to get into the WGA?

Hey, guys, great question. In my opinion, the easiest way to get into the Writers

Guild is to write the same exact thing that eery one o the oer ten thousand

writers who already belong to the Guild wrote: something totally original andunique that none o the oer ten thousand writers who already belong to the

Guild wrote. Not to be acetious, but i you ask one thousand writers how they

broke in, youll get a thousand dierent answers. Go ahead, ask. Ill wait here.

And while Im waiting, Ill let you know that there are a ew other requirements

or Writers Guild membership (or both the Writers Guild, East, in New York and

the West in Los Angeles). First, your original and unique piece o writing needs

to be o an audioisual nature (lm, Tv, radio, new media). Second, because the

guilds are labor unions under ederal law, membership standards are based onactual labor. In other words, you hae to do writing thats considered work.

(Unortunately, it cant just be done or un, as the title o this book might sug-

gest.) Thus, you hae to be paid or your writing (it doesnt hae to be produced;

just bought or optioned). Most important, you hae to perorm the work under

a Writers Guild contract or a producer who has signed the WGA Minimum

Basic Agreement. Naturally, eery writer wants to work under a WGA contract

because it means that you get paid a minimum salary; receie residuals when

your writing is reused; hae your name credited on the nished product; and get

health insurance, a pension, and other benets. But not eery producer is willing

to meet the standards o a WGA contract (especially in reality Tv and animated

lms), so its up to eery writer to insist on that contract and its terms. I you do,

youll be eligible or membership and youll get to tell your totally original and

unique story about the easiest way to get into the Writers Guild.

Patric verrone, ormer president, WGAW

See, there you go. Its that easy. I you consider that easy. (Which its

not, really.) Technically, you need to build up points to join, but the


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26

number o points you need can be met with just ONE screenplay sold to

a studio. So ollow all the other advice in this book, and get yoursel into

the Guild. Your teeth will thank you or the wonderul dental coverage.

And once youre in the Guild . . . the perks just keep on coming.

Were talking about partying your ass o with Patron Gold, luxury boxes,

and stone-cold oxes. Because thats how we roll in the WGAW.*

* This part is pretty much not true. Thats not really how we roll. But there are occasional

mixers, with some really nerdy guys and ladies. And occasional movie screenings. And theres aPRETTY GOOD place to lock your bike in the WGA underground parking garage on Fairax.

DO NOT PARK YOUR BIKE AT THE RAILING OUT FRONT. THE SECURITY GUY

WILL YELL AT YOU.


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40/62

5I SOLD IT! NOW WHAT HAPPENS?

Frst conGRATULATionS.

You just sold a *%#in movie! You are now a Proessional Screenwriter.

Youre gonna run into a lot o people in Hollywood who say theyrescreenwriters. A great majority o those people are Full O Shit. Theyve

never sold anything but lattes. You, however, are a Proessional Screen-

writer. Take a minute to enjoy that.

Then: breathe in the act that nowthe pessue is . It is very

easy to sit around a bong and talk a big game. Actually WRITING

SCREENPLAYS or a living, however, takes talent, brains, perseverance,

hard work, tact, cunning, and shoe leather.

okays yu sld a me, a pt, r a spe. nw wat?

Well, expect some congratulatory phone calls rom your reps and

rom the studio execs who bought your movie. The studio will say, Were

all really excited. But beore you get those calls, there will be . . .


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30

THE NEGOTIATIONA studio liked your pitch or spec. Heres what happened ater you let

their oce.

The executive who you pitched to went to their BOSS. Unless you

pitched to the BOSS, the president o the studio. Thats rare. Will Smith

pitches his movies to the president. Almost everybody else pitches to

someone below them.

So the exec you pitched to went down the hall and pitched your

movie to their Boss. (Thats a comorting thought, huh? Your ate is in the

hands o some dude who heard you describe your movie once.) The Bossliked it and said WELL TAKE IT! Sometimes the Boss says NO.

Sometimes the Boss says, I like it, but not enough to buy it. Id like

the writer to come in and pitch it to me themselves. (Maybe so they can

ask you a ew questions or see i youre okay with their notes.)

These days, the economy being what it is (Thks lt, [iset

e f uet pesiet hee!], sometimes even i the Boss wants

to buy it, they have to run it by a ew people. They might run it by the

MARKETING department, to see i they think they can sell your movie.Sometimes they even have to run the movie past CORPORATE.

So they liked your movie. They want your movie. So they called

your reps. They asked or YOUR QUOTE. Whats a QUOTE?Yu

QUoTE is the iusty te f hw uh ey j stu-

i pi yu f the LaST pble vie yu wte. You have

a QUOTE or an original script, a QUOTE or a sequel youve writ-

ten, a QUOTE or a week o rewrites, etc. I someone who was NOT a

major studio paid you to write a movie, you do not have a quote. I someindie company paid you a billion bucks to write a movie, that is NOT a

QUOTE.* Studios acknowledge only payments made to you by them-

selves or other major studios.

Which brings us to the big question everyone asks:

hw mu mey am i ga make?

* That is a ridiculous scenario.


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I SOLD IT! NOW WHAT HAPPENS?

31

That depends on a lot o things:

is ts s te frst me yue eer sld?

I it is, you DO NOT HAVE A QUOTE. I you dont have a quote,

the WRITERS GUILD has standard minimum payments or writing a

screenplay. As o the printing o this book, the minimum payment or an

original screenplay is $109,783.

They have to pay you AT LEAST that much.

You get paid in installments, as you do the work:

$43,875 or commencement (to start writing)

$43,875 or turning in the rst drat

Then they gie you notes, and you get paid.

$22,033 to turn in the FINAL DRAFT.

Guild minimum or a spec script is $80,427.

But be warnedsometimes it takes MONTHS to get paid. We thinkthe record or us was once eleven months, rom getting commenced to

getting the check.

Te gd ews syull get mre ta Guld mmum we:

MORE than one studio wants to buy your movie. Then you get to

hear two o the most wonderul words you can hear as a writer:

Bddg war!

Woo-hoo! Two studios (or, super woo-hoo, more than two studios)

have to outbid each other or your movie. And thats superun. Then who

knowsthe sky is the limit.

oR yu Do ae a qute:


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32

Your SECOND movie deal will always be bigger than the rst. Even

i your FIRST MOVIE didnt get made, its usually a 10 percent bump-

up. The studios (and your reps) gure: you sold one movie, you know

how to writeso youre going to get a raise.

i yur last me atually didget made:

We gotta askDID IT FLOP? IF YOUR FIRST MOVIE

FLOPPED . . . sorry, you might not ever work again. It doesnt matter i

it wasnt your ault: i the director screwed it up and the movie didnt re-semble your script at all. It doesnt matter. You might be done. Hope you

nished college and learned a skill. Tough racket, huh?

i yur last me made ts mey bak:

Youll get more than a 10 percent bump. Maybe 30 percent. Maybe

more. Depending on how your last movie did.

i yur last me made a rtue:

Hear that BEEP BEEP BEEP? Thats the MONEY TRUCK

backing up to your house! Screenplays written by proven moneymak-

ing screenwriters regularly sell or over a million bucks. Usually in the

$1 million to $3 million range. There are about twenty guys who get paidthat, and higher.

WARNING: Seven gures may seem like a lot o money. Because it

is. But youll take home only about a ourth o that. No jokeor every

buck you get paid, youll actually SEE about 25 cents.

But . . . one-ourth o seven gures is still pretty damn good. It aint

Stiller money, but it beats working at Carls Jr. Heres who-all gets a

chunk:

AGENT: Usually 10%.

MANAGER: Usually 10%.


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33

LAWYER: Could be 5%. Could be more. Could be less. Some

charge by the hour.

BUSINESS MANAGER: Could be 5%. Could be more. Could be

less. Some charge by the hour.

WRITERS GUILD DUES: 1.5%.

FEDERAL INCOME TAX: Were in a very high bracket (and hope-

ully you will be too).

CALIFORNIA STATE INCOME TAX: Ugh. Forget it, this state is

a MESS. Its BROKE. And who has to pay? Usthe rich people. Lie is

so unair.

oter Tgs Tat Yur Reps Wll negtate Fr

BAcK EnD: A percentage o the prots. You wont get that. We dont care

who you arei youre reading this book, odds are about one in a gajillion that

youre going to get a percentage o the prots. I you DO get thatcall us,

and tell us how you pulled it o. (Dont call us. E-mail our agent at CAA, Scott

Greenberg.)

A PRoDUcER r DiREcToR DEAL: I you want to produce, thats a whole

other book. People oten ask us, What IS a producer, anyway? Producers

might do anythingrom being inoled in eery single creatie decision in a

moie to doing NOTHING at all, just collecting a ee. But they were inoled in

some early aspect o the deelopment o the moie. Maybe it was their idea and

they hired the writer. Maybe they ound the script and took it to the studio.

And i you want to direct . . . thats alsoway too much to t into this book.

Wed recommend watching Living in Olivion, Hats of Daknss, and Lost in La

Mancha. I you STILL want to direct ater those . . . more power to ya.

RETAininG SEPARATED RiGhTS To YoUR MATERiAL: So that they hae

to come to you AND PAY YOU i they make the moie into a Tv show or lunch

boxes. You will get these only i the Writers Guild determines that you get a

WRITTEN BY credit on an original screenplay. This kinda shit gets allycom-

plicated and has its own chapter (See Chapter 21, Credit$.) As a member

o the Writers Guild, youll get paid when they do sequels, books, and ideo


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34

games, anywaybut not NEARLY as much as you would i you had SEPARATED

RIGHTS. And you wont get creatie control.

cREDiT BonUS: Extra money i you receie ull or partial credit on the nal

lm. (See chapter 21.)

LAST-WRiTER BonUS: Extra money i you are the last writermeaning

either that you were the ONLY writer who worked on the script or, ater they

hired twenty other writers to do changes, they rehired YOU at the end o the

process to x what all those other douchebags did to your script. This happens

ALL THE TIME.

Box-oFFicE BonUS: Extra money i your moie hits certain prenegotiated

amounts at the box oce$100 million, $150 million, etc. WOO-HOO! Buy a

boat!

PASSivE PAYMEnTS on REMAKES, SEQUELS, AnD ThE LiKE: The Writ-

ers Guilds rules say that i they make a sequel o your moie, you AUTOMATI-

CALLY get paid 50 percent o your writing ee (the one you got paid or the rst

moie) or the sequelWHETHER YOU WORK ON IT OR NOT!

So i you got paid a million bucks to write Sup bananayoure gonna

get a $500,000 check when they make Sup banana II: back in th Saddl, and

you dont een hae to lit a nger. Neat, huh? And your reps can prenegotiate

or MORE than 50 percent. Obiously you get paid MORE i you dowrite it. You

always get paid more or sequels. Sequels mean the rst one did really well . . .

or at least well enough to make a sequel.You also get paid i they remake your moie or make your moie into a Tv

show, but the amount aries. The Guild has standard minimums, and theyre

not bad.

Well be hest lt f this stuff is stuff YoU arE noT

GoInG To GET For a LonG, LonG TImE. Until your movies

have made about a billion bucks at the box oce. The main thing youll

negotiate or is money.

Okay . . . whew. Your reps and the studio have to agree on all that

stuit sometimes takes weeks.


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35

Te, ater te deal s lsed:

Youll get a contract in the mail, or youll go to your reps oce and

sign it. Your reps will call and say, Were all eeling really good about the

deal. The studioll call and say, Were all really excited.

We always send our reps a little gitour agent, our manager, our

lawyer, and any producers involved.

Tom usually sends red wine. Ben usually sends sake.

okay, yu sged te deal. nw wat?

You dont start writing right away. Usually you have ONE MORE

MEETING with the studio. You shake hands, they give you a Diet Coke

or bottled water, they say how happy they are to be in business with you,

and thentheyll usually GIVE YOU A FEW NOTES.

DONT PANIC: they very rarely pull a bait and switch (I know

you sold us an intergalactic heist comedy, we want you to write a period

drama about Mao Tse-tung). Were sure thats possible . . . but weve

never heard o that happening.

Those sorts o cockamamie notes usually come later, ater youve

given the studio the rst drat. (See Chapter 10, Why Does Almost

Every Studio Movie SUCK Donkey Balls?)

When you go in or this meeting, dont orget: ACT REALLY

GRATEFUL AND EXCITED. Hopeully, youll actuallybe really grate-

ul and excited. We say this only, because we heard a story o a guy whodecided he was hot shit now that he was a proessional screenwriter.

He went in and argued with the executive who JUST BOUGHT HIS

MOVIE about some minor pointand the studio yanked the deal right

out rom under him. Nothing was signed yet. (Oops. Sor-ry.)

Now you start writing. Unless you sold a spec. Then you start REWRIT-

ING, based on the studios notes. And unless youre Quentin Tarantino,

youre gettin NOTES, pal.

hw lg d yu ae t WRiTE ThE ScRiPT?


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36

There are standard time periods you have to write a script; theyre

the same or every project:

To write the rst drat:te weeks.

When you turn it in, the studio has s weeks to read it

and get back to you with their notes.

Ater they gie you notes: you hae s weeks to do those reisions.

Theyll start calling you about week seven and asking you Hows

it coming? and When do you think youll be turning it in? Spyglass

Films starts this on about day two. But keep in mind, i theyre buggingyou or the scriptTHEYRE STILL ENGAGED IN THE PROCESS.

Dont worry when people are bugging you or the nished script. Worry

when people ARENT bugging you or the script. You or your project

may have cooled o. Dont worry. You have ten weeks. But turning it in a

little early is ALWAYS a good thing. Eight weeks is good. Theyll know

you didnt rush, but theyre still getting it early.

Most movie deals used to be composed o a FIRST DRAFT and

ONE SET OF REVISIONS. That means they CANT re you ateryour rst drat. They have to at least give you notes and let you TRY to

x the script, AKA do their notes. (See Chapter 10, Why Does Almost

Every Studio Movie SUCK Donkey Balls?)

But now, with the economy in the toilet (Thks lt, [iset e

f uet pesiet hee!], most studios (especially Paramount) are

only doing ONE-STEP DEALS. You get paid, you write a drat, you turn

it inthats it. The studios are saving a ortune that way.

Some deals also have an OPTIONAL POLISH. That means they giveyou another set o notes (ater youve done your SECOND drat) and you

haveTWo To FoUr WEEKS to do them. But just because its a pol-

ish, that DOES NOT mean it will be less work. Sometimes doing their

notes will mean completely throwing out 50 percent, 75 percent, even 100

percent o the script and rebuilding it rom the ashes. Their note may be:

We need to change the characters and the setting and the storyand

theyll still call it a POLISH and give youTWo weeks.

Thats why you HAVE to be very good, very ast, and very disci-

plined. Sometimes its crunch time.

Oh, and the six weeks they contractually have to get their notes back


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37

to you? They breach that ALL THE TIME. Youre supposed to get paid

a penalty when they do that. You wont get that penalty. Ever.

We saved the best news or last:

Te best tg abut sellg yur frst srpt:

noW YoURE in ThE DooR!

Hollywood is a town thats TERRIFIED o sticking its neck out or

any unproven commodity.NO ONE wants to be the FIRST ONE to hire a new young writer.

Getting your rst job in Hollywood is a MILLION times harder than

getting your SECOND. (Unless your rst movie tanksbut worry about

that later.) Ater youve written a script or a studio, youre in the club.

Your agents and reps will be sending you scripts to rewrite and setting up

meetings to hear the studios ideas all the time. Your phone will ring con-

stantly. Until you @&k up.

Tonight, go celebrate. Go out or sushi, smoke a bowl, and pop agood movie into the Blu-ray.

Now that youre a writeryou can write it all o.*

* Subject to U.S. and state tax laws.


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6IDIOT CHECK

You are now only ten short steps away rom turning in your script!

1. Make sure your script is the right length.

2. Make sure your script is ormatted correctly.

3. Make sure your title page is correct, has the right date, and is alsoormatted correctly.

4. Spell-check your script.

5. Fact-check your script.

6. Clear your reision marks, and make a clean PDF o your script.

7. Clearly mark your OFFICIAL drat and sae it someplace where YOU can

nd it. AND BACK IT UP.

8. Register your script with the WGA.

9. Double-checkhae you been paid yet?

10. Make sure youre turning it in to the right person or peopleAND TURN

IT IN.

1. Make sure your script is the right length.

I its a comedy, it should be about 100, 110 pages. A little longer i its a

drama. Well repeat that. Its important:


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51/62


40

Cut unnecessary scenes. I your script is 130 pages, we promise you, there

are some unnecessary scenes. And any scene that doesnt moe the plot

orward is unnecessary.

Trim any lengthy descriptie action paragraphs. They are boring and hard

to read.

Trim any long speeches. Go watch one o your aorite moies. Youll

noticethere AreNT many long spchs. The longest speech in Sta

Wasis Leias Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi speech. Its only about 1 min-

utes. And its ALL THE PLOT YOU NEED or all three Sta Was lms. In

Casalanca, Ricks longest speech is his Youre getting on that plane

speech. Its about 1 minutes. I your screenplay has any speeches lon-

ger than 1 minutes, make sure they are better than Humphrey Bogarts

Youre getting on that plane speech. I you hae TWO speeches that

longcut one entirely.

Then, when theres nothing let to cut and your script isstill 115

pages . . . CUT ANOTHER FIVE PAGES. We do a thing we call

Word TETrIS: go through your script, and take out WORDS that

make one line o action or dialogue into two lines.Change:

Bb takes his hand fm his pcket f Tm t

shake. Tm shakes it.

To:

Bb ffes his hand t Tm, wh shakes it.

I you go through an entire script doing this, you can cut FIVE

PAGES rom your script without cutting a single thing!

2. Make sure your script is ormatted correctly.

There is a standard ormat or screenplays (as well as a standard ormat

or SITCOMS, ONE-HOUR DRAMAS, etc.). Heres what a standard

script looks like.nte whee the TranSITIonS, ScEnE HEad-

InGS, cHaracTErS, acTIon, dIaLoGUE, ParEn-

THETIcaLS g.


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IDIOT CHECK

41

Transitions go here, like this:

FADE IN:

Then wite SCENE HEADING, descibingwhee the net scene is taking place. Like:

ExT. [exterior] A SEEDy BroTHEL CAIro NIGHT

INT. [interior] SEEDy BroTHEL CoNTINuouS

y wite the actin hee. Keep

actin t the pint. N ne wants t eadlng paagaphs f slw, spedetaileddesciptin. Save that f mancenvel:

rICK (mid-40s) entes.

rICKricks dialge ges hee.

rick lks t the windw, bed with thisscene.

rICK (CoNTD)(t himself)

I thght this was a bthel. Whenis smething inteesting ging thappen?

CuT To:

ExT. [establishing shot] THE PENTAGoN DAy

INT. THE PENTAGoN CoNTINuouS

Seveal HIGH-LEVEL GENErALS stand and amap.

GENErAL SMITH(fis)

Get me rick Mandesn pnt!


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IDIOT CHECK

43

DISSoLVE BACK To:

INT. SEEDy BroTHEL PrESENT DAy

rick wipes a tea fm his ee.

ec., c.

Some studios have ormats they REQUIRE you to use. Their re-

quirements are varied and very technically specic. Some studios want

you to double-space the line beore the SCENE HEADING. Some have

specic MARGINS and headings or you to use.

For example, 20TH CENTURY FOX requires this layout:

Under the Document menu, choose Page Layout.

In the Margins tab you will see your top and bottom margin op-

tions. These must be set at:

Top 1.12" (For the Mac) 1.13" (For a PC)Bottom 1.00"

Header and Footer Margins should both be .50".

In the Optionstab you will see your line spacing options. This must

be set at normal.

Under the Format menu, choose Elements . . .

In theFonttab, make sure all onts are set to Courier 12.

In the Paragraph tab, you need to check each o the elements bygoing down the list on the let and checking the margins (or indents)

on the right.

Elemet Let Rgt

General 1.25" 7.25"

Scene Heading 1.25" 7.25"

Action 1.25" 7.25"

Character 3.25" 6.25" (Flxil)

Parenthetical 2.75" 5.75" (Flxil)


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44

Elemet Let Rgt

Dialogue 2.25" 6.25"

Transition 4.25" 7.25" (Flxil)

Shot 1.25" 7.25"

Please note that the latest versions o Final Drat . . . have slightly

dierent deaults than earlier versions. For the most part they have

shited the margins by " on the let and adjusted the right so that the

actual measurement is the same.

The ollowing newer Final Drat deaults are also acceptable under

Fox ormat.Note that you are allowed to change the dialogue element to the

more generous 4" measurement i you wish.

Elemet Let Rgt

General 1.50" 7.50"

Scene Heading 1.50" 7.50"

Action 1.50" 7.50"

Character 3.50" 7.25" (Flxil)

Parenthetical 3.00" 5.50" (Flxil)

Dialogue 2.50" 6.00" (6.5" ight indnt accptd)

Transition 5.50" 7.12" (Flxil)

Shot 1.50" 7.50"

Under the Document menu, choose More & Continueds.

For the Dialogue breaks options please check mark the ollowing:

Bottom o page or the (MORE) label.

Top o next page or the (CONTINUED) label (upper caps

preerred).

For the Scene breaks options please check mark the ollowing:

Bottom o the page or the (CONTINUED) label.

Top o next page or the CONTINUED: label

CONTINUED (#)(This unction will do a page count or a scene.)


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IDIOT CHECK

45

Title Pge

The preerred ont is Courier. Use 24 point size or the title and

12 point or the rest o the page.

WARNER BROS. has a ew rules o its own:

WarnEr BroS. STandard ScrIPT FormaT

Stage direction and shot headings(also known as slug lines) have

a margin o 1.7" on the let and 1.1" on the right. Remember

TWo BLanK LInES PrEcEdE EacH SHoT

HEadInG.

Dialogue has a let margin o 2.7" and a right margin o 2.4".

Character names over dialogue have a let margin o 4.1".

Parenthetical direction within dialogue has a let margin o 3.4"

and a right margin o 3.1"

Scene/shot numbers: When a script is numbered in preproduc-

tion, the let number is placed 1.0" rom the let edge o the

page and the right scene number is placed 7.4" rom the let

edge o the page.Top page margin is .5" (3 single lines) beore the page number. A

single blank line separates the page number rom the body o

the script, which begins with either a CONTINUED: or a new

shot heading/slug line.

Bottom page margin is at least .5" (3 single lines) ollowing the

(CONTINUED) or the end o a scene.

Total page length is a maximum o 60 lines, including page num-

ber and CONTINUEDs (but not including the 3 line margin

at the top and bottom o the page).

Paper size is 8.5" wide and 11" long.

Fontis 12-point Courier New.

Etc., etc.

Its complicated, right? Thats why you should . . .

GET a SamPLE ScrIPT From THE STUdIo. Ask your reps

to get it or you. AND (advice o the obvious): MAKE YOUR SCRIPT

LOOK LIKE THE ONE YOU GOT FROM THAT STUDIO.

Again, the best ormatting sotware, as weve said, is:


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46

Fal Drat! www.faldrat.m

See Chapter 1, Getting Started in Hollywood. You should havebought Final Drat by now. We cant stress it enough. This sotware is a

NECESSITY. I you are serious about writing a screenplayBUY IT.

Online is the easiest way to buy it. Do it. Now. Well wait or you.

See! Final Drat practically ormats your script or you. You can set it

to whatever ormat youre writingSCREENPLAY, WARNER BROS.

SCREENPLAY, SITCOMyou name it. It has spell check, it can add

ooters and headers, it can mark your REVISIONS in dierent colors to

keep track o which set o REVISIONS youre on. It will even REGIS-

TER your script with the WGA or you.

3. Make sure your title page is correct, has the right date, and is

ormatted correctly.

EVERY script needs a TITLE PAGE. It comes beore page 1 o thescript.

It should look like this:


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THE NAME oF your MoVIE(ges hee. We sall wite it in a slightl lage fnt.)

b

(y pt name hee)

&(If have a patne, pt thei name hee)

(if yu cp d m ppy k,

cmc k, m yu w )

Based n sme bk, b sme dde.

revisins b

(t m f duc w w yu cp w

, d y w d.)

Cent revisins b

(t m f duc w cuyw

yu cp w .)

(t d yu ud df .

C d, w c uqu df.

KeeP this aCCUrate anD UP-to-Date,

fd wc df yu wk w vy cfu.)

sm pp pu

NamedAddessdPhne Nmbe(o f yu rePs. W v d. Uuy stUDio w pu m d CoPYright

laW m , w p yu cp.)


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48

Again, FINAL DRAFT will do this or you. Thats

Fal Drat! www.faldrat.m

4. Spell-check your script.

This may seem obvious, but DO IT. Then DO IT AGAIN. Typos, even

small ones, make your script and YOU look unproessional. We prooread

our script several timesthen we alwaysPAY someone to proo it again.

We pay him about $100. Its worth it.

Oh, and its is always a contraction o it is. Youd be surprised howoten this comes up.

5. Fact-check your script.

Make SURE all o your reerences are CORRECT. I one mistake glares

out to someone whos reading it (The Battle o Waterloo wasnt in 1820!

Who are these morons?!?), that might be the ONE THING that makes

the person PUT YOUR SCRIPT DOWN beore nishing it, the straw

that broke the camels screenplay. Mistakes make you look dumb. Checkall your dates, name spellings, geography, state capitals, amous quotes,

song lyrics, timely reerences in a period pieceanything thats rom

the REAL WORLD better be 100 percent right. Do it. Fact-check. Get

on Google, get on Wikipedia, or go to the public library.*

6. Clear your revision marks, and make a clean PDF o your script.

In Final Drat: go to EDIT and hit SELECT ALL. Then hit CLEAR

REVISIONS in the TOOLBAR. Sometimes you have to do it twice.

Check that all o the revisions are cleared. Then go to FILE. Scroll down

to SAVE AS and SAVE AS a PDF.

Always turn in your scripts as PDFs. Why? you ask. Well, weve

had a producer, a director, and even an actor tweak our scripts without

telling us. Its unproessional, but it happens. A PDF, unlike a Final Drat

le, is a locked document. Meaning: a Final Drat le can be tweaked,

* Obviously this is a joke. DO NOT GO TO THE LIBRARY. The library is or creepy internet

predators and homeless people.


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50

9. Double-checkhave you been paid yet?

Check with your agent or manager: Have you gotten your commence-

ment check yet? DONT TURN YOUR SCRIPT IN UNTIL YOU

HAVE GOTTEN PAID.

Sometimes, your agent calling the studio and telling them The

script is done is the only thing thatll get some executive to pick up the

phone and get you paid.

10. Make sure youre turning it in to the right person or people

AND TURN IT IN.

Youll turn in your script by e-mailing the PDF. When your career is juststarting, youll e-mail it to your reps, and theyll turn it in to the studio

or you. Then theyll bill or delivery. Woo-hoo! More money!

Sometimes your reps will have a note or two. Listen; theyre part o

your team. But in the end, remember: its YOUR script. (Until you turn it

in, that is. Then its the studios script.)

As your relationships with the studios grow, youll eventually e-mail

your scripts directly to your executive, your producers, your director,

sometimes also to the movie stars attached (i theyre involved in the cre-ative process). We e-mail stu right to the studio, then CC our reps. Al-

ways CC your reps. So they have a copy, and so that they can BILL. You

aint doing this or your health. The air in L.A. is terrible. Youre doing it

or the money.

And whatever you do: maKE SUrE YoUrE GIVInG THE

ScrIPT To EVErYonE WHOS SUPPOSED TO GET A COPY

and no one else. I you orget to CC someone whos supposed to get

a copythey will take it personally. They will be mad. NEVER DOTHAT.

Also, dont accidentally e-mail it to someone whos NOT supposed to

get it. The studio will FREAK OUT. And they may sue you.

Thats it. Turn that bad boy in. Then sit back and wait or the acco-

lades and Academy Awards to come pouring in!*

* This has never happened to us. But well take a check over accolades and Academy Awards any

day. Yachts are more un than trophies.


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These two guys are the reason Night at the Museum won so many Oscars. --BEN STILLER

Tom and Ben are two of the writers currently working in Hollywood. I can add they make a profit on each of their

writing jobs, as I believe they have very little overhead. Therefore, they are clearly qualified to write this book. Havingnot read it, I can tell you that it is uproariously funny, perhaps the best book on writing ever.--ZAKPENN,FILMSCREENWRITER&DIRECTOR

These guys are proof that with no training and little education, ANYONE can make it as a screenwriter. --PAUL RUDD

Some screenwriters have a knack for capturing the heart and soul of characters, the nuance of themes, the richness of

the human experience And some are like Tom and Ben --SHAWN LEVY FILMDIRECTOR & PRODUCER
http://www.writingmoviesforfunandprofit.com/http://itunes.apple.com/us/book/writing-movies-for-fun-profit/id409809547?mt=11http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Writing-Movies-for-Fun-and-Profit/Thomas-Lennon/e/9781439186770http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Movies-Fun-Profit-ebook/dp/B004G8QTWA/http://books.simonandschuster.com/Writing-Movies-for-Fun-and-Profit/Robert-Ben-Garant/9781439186756http://www.powells.com/biblio/62-9781439186756-0http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781439186756http://www.booksamillion.com/p/Writing-Movies-Fun-Profit/Thomas-Lennon/9781439186756http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=1439186758http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Writing-Movies-for-Fun-and-Profit/Thomas-Lennon/e/9781439186756http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Movies-Fun-Profit-Billion/dp/1439186758/

writing movies for fun and profit by thomas lennon and robert ben garant—start reading now!

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