100 first nights or the diary of a woman sharing her bed with a sleepwalker
TRANSCRIPT
100 FIRST NIGHTS or THE DIARY OF A WOMAN SHARING HER BED WITH A SLEEPWALKER
I am exhausted, dog tired, scared to death and full of determination: this can’t possibly go on… I need to come up with solutions, or else my husband and I will break down.. Need to find ways to wake him up every time he sleepwalks. Otherwise he will hurt himself like he did when he rode his bike on the roof of the Empire State Building!
DAY 1I placed a bell on the door of the bedroom. This was not very helpful though: I woke up earlier than he did! As soon as he tried to open the door!
DAY 2
I installed gates on stairways. An additional hurdle for him, which was more efficient. However, he found a way of breaking them! Damn!
DAY 3I had to take more drastic measures! I applied lots of glue on the gate handle! This worked! We had to remove the glue though afterwards…
DAY 4As the gates proved to be more successful I experimented with them further on. I tied a bucket of stinky water to the handle. He hates bad smells and would wake up as soon as it overturned on him! He did! He was mad at me though and I discarded this one as a solution
DAY 5Still experimenting with the gate.. To make it noisy I tied pot covers and ladles to it. Again.. I woke up earlier than he did!
DAY 6I knew he would hate me, but… Another “smelly” experiment with the gate! I tied 2 skunks to it.. Well, no need to write what happened at night…
DAY 7Rattles! (not snakes, no!) My cousin’s rattles in the attic! I tied them to his foot. The sound was sure to wake him up.. I woke up earlier…
DAY 8I had to be more techie! Motion detectors with an alarm! I spent half of my monthly salary on it! It worked, but it was very loud and woke up everyone in the neighborhood!
DAY 9Inspired by the success we recorded last night, I put our Santa next to his side of the bed. A huge toy with a motion detector, turning it on and making him go “Jingle Bells”. Much better, we were the only people to wake up!
DAY 10Motion detectors worked fine so far! Another wicked toy – a laser point with motion detectors inside. The idea was to point the laser line into his eyes as soon as he got up. It worked.. But I read somewhere laser points can blind a person.. The idea was discarded!
DAY 11Cold shower from the ceiling with motion detectors again! It worked, however, he asked me to apply some shampoo on his hair! Very funny!
DAY 12
Special cellophane bags with ice cubes put in his slippers! The bags would keep the ice cold for 8 hours. Not bad, it worked!
DAY 13A tap of cold water at the bed. It would overturn and wake him up! Theoretically! In fact he managed to pass it by!
DAY 14
A watering-can with a motion detector! It would sprinkle cold water on him when he got out of the bed! This worked better!
DAY 15A cellophane pillow with holes to let out streams of water when pressed, put at his side of the bed. Not bad
DAY 16
“Too much water will kill my marriage”, I though. I sharpened the scales of his massager-slippers. The pain did wake him up.. But he looked miserable
DAY 17A mouse trap! very painful though.. Discarded the idea
DAY 18
Hot water bottle at his side of the bed, on the floor. Less effective than cold showers though..
DAY 19Smell bombs! Nasty odor.. Again.. This time he tried to kill me for that thank god he didn’t really mean it!
DAY 20Was too exhausted to think of a better solution this time. Just locked up all weapons in the house so that he didn’t kill me as he was threatening last night
DAY 21Heavy shoes! Of course! I put his army boots instead of the slippers! Not very helpful! He could still walk around the house in them!
DAY 22
I read alcohol exacerbated the problem, so I hid all the bottles we had at home… we liked to take a sip before going to bed.. It turned out to help!
DAY 23The same article advised to avoid caffeine near bedtime. We eliminated it too. A much more peaceful night! thank God!
DAY 24
“Don’t eat or drink before going to bed”, the article went on. This didn’t help though…
DAY 25“Don’t watch TV or listen to the radio in bed”, was the final advice of the expert. Well, that changed nothing at all…
DAY 26I already knew what time he would sleepwalk approximately. So I set the alarm and tied the clock to his wrist! He sleepwalked at a different time! Much earlier this time!
DAY 27Bought a talking parrot and taught him to shout as soon as my husband got up at night. Worked! But it was not a reliable thing I understood! Had to find more solutions!
DAY 28
The “pets” ideas went on and on! I tied our dog to his foot. It did work, but was a loud wake-up call
DAY 29A box full of cockroaches! I put it on the floor, hoping he would overturn it and wake up! He did! But it was me who woke up when one of those creatures was trying to get into my mouth! Urgh!
DAY 30
Quite stressed, I just came up with a simple solution! I tied his feet to mine! Not very comfortable though…
DAY 31Tied he feet to the bed! More comfortable for me, but less for him!
DAY 32
Tied his arm to mine. Not comfortable again! Horrible idea!
DAY 33Put the remote control of the tv set on the floor, hoping he would tread on it and turn the tv on. He didn’t.. He missed it!
DAY 34
Tied dumb-bells to his feet to keep him in bed! As ill luck would have it he wanted to go the toilet and had to wake me up!
DAY 35Tied his two feet together, hoping no toilet issues would rise this time. They did! a bad idea!
DAY 36
Strait jacket! Why didn’t I think of it earlier? Well.. A VERY bad idea! He couldn’t hug me in it!
DAY 37This was not intentional… it just happened… I left him handcuffed to the bed after we made love and fell asleep… His arms hurt for 2 days after that!
DAY 38
Tied a toy mouse to his foot and set our cat free at night.. Well.. Cat claws turned out to be very aggressive.. My poor husband’s feet were in scars…
DAY 39Put eggs on the floor. It was disgusting! A bad idea!
DAY 40
A banana skin on the floor! And some pillows around so that he didn’t hurt himself when he fell down! Worked..
DAY 41A sticky chewing gum on the floor…
DAY 42
Glued his slippers to the floor!
DAY 43Sprinkled tin-tacks on your bedroom floor.. NO to this idea!
DAY 44
Water sprinkling slippers! Not bad!
DAY 45Pleasant smells this time.. The perfume he adores, which is always a “wake-up” for him.. A bucket with this perfume tied to the stairway gate.. A very expensive idea which WORKED!
DAY 46
Simple… just locked the door… He tried to break it! Not able, he used the window! not a solution
DAY 47Locked the windows! Cutting off the fresh hair! bad idea!
DAY 48
Made a staircase with books on the floor, by his side of the bed! He climbed the staircase ok and went ahead! Can u imagine?!?!?
DAY 49Bought a robot, with motion detectors, alarm clocks and stuff! Technology can never be trusted! broke on the following day! …
DAY 50
Ordered earphones with installed motion detectors and an alarm! Worked till it broke!
DAY 51Squeaking slippers! Didn’t work!
DAY 52Balloons on the floor which would hopefully explode if he stepped on them! the did, but the neighbors called the police, thinking it was an armed attack!
DAY 53Slight electricity shock on the doors and windows… well, not the best idea.
DAY 54
Hot coal pieces on the floor. They hurt!
DAY 55Hot sand on the floor! Much better than the coals!
DAY 56
Warm stones on the floor! Ahem.. Sand was better!
DAY 57Burning candles on the floor… Would not hurt a lot but enough to wake up! Worked! But not a solution for every day!
DAY 58
I read relaxing things would help… A relaxing oil massage did! He didn’t sleepwalk that night!
DAY 59As well as the relaxing Jacuzzi with aroma therapy candles… But they failed from time to time…
DAY 60
What do you think helped best of all? A tiring love-making! But I got tired too! And I had to wake up at 5 am for work!
DAY 61Would a double-edged adhesive tape put on the floor of the room help? No!
DAY 62
A wet towel on the floor! It did wake him up, yes!
DAY 63A rope wrapped around the bed-rods, making the bed a safe, house-like refuge! It helped! But not comfortable!
DAY 64
Singing Christmas fir tree lights wrapped around the stairway gate. They woke him up!
DAY 65Scorpions without any venom, on the floor in a box, like cockroaches.. Oh, it HURT! BAD IDEA!
DAY 66
Pencils scattered on the floor! Woke him up!
DAY 67M&Ms scattered on the floor! Woke him up!
DAY 68
Lego toys scattered on the floor! Too painful but woke him up!
DAY 69A fir tree branch on the floor with spikes! Good idea! Not very painful!
DAY 70
Bobbing for apples? Apples on the floor! Worked!
DAY 71Slippery moss on the floor! Worked!
DAY 72
Crabs on the floor! Erm.. Painful, but worked!
DAY 73Table tennis balls scattered on the floor and pillows so that he didn’t hurt himself while falling.. Well, he did though.. Hurt his back badly…
DAY 74
Hair fasteners with sharp edges on the floor… slightly painful, ok!
DAY 75Enough! No more pain! Relaxing ocean sounds before going to sleep! Worked just fine!
DAY 76
As well as rain sounds! Water has healing powers, definitely!
DAY 77Psychological, analytic talks before bedtime… had a soothing effect!
DAY 78
Strong air current generating gadged fastened to the stairway gates! Worked! He hates wind!
DAY 79Fireworks at the gates with motion detectors! The neighbors didn’t like the idea though…
DAY 80
A box full of termites… even worse idea than that with cockroaches!
DAY 81“Crocodile” slippers with a closing mouth as soon as the person puts his feet into them! worked!
DAY 82
Halved watermelons as slippers! Urgh! He didn’t like them though was woken up!
DAY 83Fresh grapes on the floor, slippery and nasty if stepped upon! Didn’t help!
DAY 84
Cones scattered on the floor! I had forgotten the pillows around them! the fall they caused was painful!
DAY 85Herbal drinks before going to bed! The soothed and calmed but were not very helpful…
DAY 86
I changed the bedroom wallpaper color to light blue for calming effects! Well… it helped a bit!
DAY 87Enough of pain! I decided to remove all the sharp and dangerous objects from the bedroom! Not enough.. Had to combine this with another solution to wake him up!
DAY 88
Removed sharp or breakable objects from the area near the bed and turned on calming ocean sounds... A short-term solution…
DAY 89Placed soft pads on the sharp corners of the furniture and combined it with a bedtime oil massage that had worked earlier… not bad!
DAY 90
Moved our bed to a safer location after reading feng-shui books! You know, it was the best solution! Sleepwalking got more and more rare!
DAY 91I hang bulky, heavy drapes on the windows so that it was difficult for my husband to open them..
DAY 92
I made sure the bedroom was quiet and calm, no noises, no rattles, no sharp objects! Things were getting better!
DAY 93I just blocked the stairways with a couple of ropes fastened to the walls and removed the gates!
DAY 94
However, to be on the safe side I kept the dog in our bedroom!
DAY 95We started meditating before going to sleep… That helped a lot!
DAY 96
We even went to a renowned doctor for a treatment with hypnosis. This, too, had its positive effects!
DAY 97Antidepressants and vitamins! They helped enhance the effect!
DAY 98
Don’t be surprised, but sleeping on the floor, on a mattress was very comfortable, beneficial and relaxing!
DAY 99Sound therapy worked just fine! Apart from water (rain, snow, ocean) sounds, many others were very beneficial! Birds chirping and even sounds produced by frogs!
DAY 100The best and most luxurious treatment of all was the water mattress I bought for our wedding anniversary! Sleepwalking was gone! We could live happily thereafter!