A basic overview of Japanese Etiquette

Amanda Burden (Yamanashi 2003-2006)

Language• Do you need to speak Japanese?

– Yes:• to establish rapport • to show initiative • to become part of the team • to demonstrate interest in the country• to earn the respect of your peers for studying such a

difficult language

Language ctn’d

• Not necessarily…– It’s all about HOW you say it– Actions speak louder than words!

• Basic useful phrases– Sumimasen– Domo arigatou gozaimasu– Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu

Overview• Consider your role– Are you a guest? – Are you a “foreigner”?

• Consider the environment– Formal / business / casual

Situations• Meeting people

• Guest

• Dining

• Maintaining relationships

Meeting people

• Supervisor

• Kocho / Kyoto sensei

• Other teachers

• People in the community

Greeting!• Hajimemashite

– To shake or bow?• Either is fine: YOU initiate

• ~ desu. – Say your name slowly– If you have a business card, get it ready

• O sewa ni natte orimasu – This means “Thank you for taking care of me!”– ONLY to people who are helping you

• Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu– This means: “I I hope to start a good relationship”

Business cards• Your supervisor– Get a meishi case

• Your kocho / kyoto sensei– If you receive it at a table, leave it face up in front of

you and after the meeting, store it

• Other teachers– Probably won’t give you business cards

• People in the community– Treat them like kocho / kyoto sensei

Omiyage• To your supervisor– Tsumaranai mono desu ga…

• To kocho / kyoto sensei

• To other teachers

• To people in the community– Neighbors– New friends

PRACTICE!

• Amanda sensei, supervisor

• Amanda sensei, kocho / kyoto sensei

• Amanda sensei, home economics teacher

• Amanda san, elderly neighbor downstairs

As a guest• Be on time!!!

• When entering a home…– O jama shimasu – I’m invading your space– Take off your shoes in the genkan (foyer)– If you’re offered slippers, remove them and leave them outside if entering a tatami room

• If you brought omiyage (which you did!), present it to the host / hostess– Spirits in the States, flowers in France, junk food in Japan (sweets, dessert or snacks!)

• Giri / Ki o tsukau– Japanese hosts will go OUT OF THEIR WAY to be gracious, so don’t push it with special requests.

• Ex: What would you like to drink?– Japanese people will ask what your friend / host is drinking and have the same so as not to inconvenience them – Don’t worry about that, but don’t make special requests to come off as a high maintenance guest– The onus is on THEM to offer, and YOU to refuse…

• For dietary restrictions…– Let the host know as far in advance– If there are food items you can’t eat, express deep regret and use the “STOP” gesture

• Spending the night– You’ll be offered the bath – scrub yourself down and do you washing with soap outside of the bathtub using

the pail OR shower– Don’t drain the water, because it’ll be reused. If you’re squeamish, you can skip the bath part.

• Consider the circumstances under which you were invited…*

As a guest ctn’d

• Sitting– Under kotatsu• If your legs are too long, beware kicking someone• Cross legged is best

– Not under kotatsu• It’s rude to cross legs for ladies• Seiza alternatives: legs to the side (ladies), cross legged

(men)– Position• Least important person sits near the door – NOT you

Dining• Chopsticks

– Don’t play with them, use them to gesture, spear anything, etc.

• Family-style food– If you go to a restaurant, expect to share*– Don’t “help yourself” – the host will serve you– Don’t hover your chopsticks over a dish

• Pouring drinks– Pour drink for your neighbor– If at an enkai, wait for the toast to imbibe!– If you need more of a beverage, offer your neighbor some and they’ll do the same

• Rice– Rice is the staple of the meal; all items prepared are meant as complements– It’s slightly sticky to enable you to grab large clumps, so don’t mix it up or add soy sauce– You may pick up the chawan (bowl) to eat it

• Itadakimasu– Wait after the host is seated to eat– If you want more of something, you can comment on how delicious it was if you’re shy to reach for more!

Dining ctn’d• Table Manners

– Eating Noodles• Slurping is fine, but it’s not sucking, it’s inhaling• Not necessary for spaghetti, though some do it

– The aftermath• You don’t have to clean your plate• Not always necessary to stack plates that are finished• Keep your area clean

• Paying…– If you’re invited by senpai, they *may* treat you

• Refuse until they seem offended• Thank them profusely!• Gochisou samadeshita• A little thank you note with a “one-point English” joke or something is a thoughtful gesture

– Going Dutch is a bit different• The designated host usually divvies up the check• Men usually pay more than women• Vegetarians / non-drinkers, beware…

– If you need the waiter / waitress• Sumimasen• Onegaishimasu

PRACTICE!

• At a new friend’s home

• At a restaurant

• At an enkai

Miscellaneous tips: Don’ts• Be late or cancel

– If you are late, it’s important to apologize; the greater the inconvenience, the more ways you should demonstrate your regret

– If you *must* cancel, deeply apologize and suggest an alternative date or solution– You will not receive invitations again if you continue to dottu kyanseru

• Attend to personal grooming in public– Blow your nose in private– Mints are better than chewing gum – you can bring a toothbrush around if you need– Do your makeup in the bathroom

• Some Western body language – Yawning is BAD, period (kara genki)– Fidgeting / shaking legs comes off as childish

• Be a rude communicator…– Don’t ask why!– Communication in Japan is like bowling, not tennis– Complaining or commenting about how something is weird in Japan may be taken personally

• Be sarcastic

Miscellaneous tips: Don’ts ctn’d

• WARPS

• Automatically feel that you have to take it!– If *you* feel offended by…• A personal question, just smile and say, Chotto

hazukashii desu…• A comment, just make a tight smile and try to move the

conversation away from it• A gesture (sexual harassment), you don’t have to

tolerate it and can be firm in cutting off that behavior

Miscellaneous tips: Do’s• Appearances count!

– Keep your hair and clothing tidy and in good condition• Get anti-mildew stuff for your closet• Get a fan to blow air through your closet for drying clothing

– The amount of care you put into your appearance reflects how much care you will put into the relationship

– Keep your apartment clean and in good shape for your sanity and to increase your social options

– Open body language – crossed arms vs. folded hands

• Thank people graciously!

• Ask questions politely– People love to share information about themselves and their culture– Who, what, when, where, how are fine…

• Be comfortable with silence

• Bring a stash of Western goodies just in case– Wrapped non-chocolate mints or hard candy lasts at least a month– Pencils, pins, postcards, blank CDs to make mixes…

Miscellaneous tips: Do’s ctn’d

• Earnestness goes a long way

• Actions speak louder than words

• SMILE

Resources

• Google “Japanese Etiquette”

• Big eyes and ears

• Books by Donald Richie (Temple University professor)

• Hokkaido Highway Blues: Hitchhiking Japan by Will Ferguson