overview communication skills nonverbal communication oral communication written communication...

Overview

• Communication Skills• Nonverbal communication

• Oral communication

• Written communication

• Interpersonal Applications

• Business Applications

Principles of Business Communication

Why Study Communication?

• The Only Completely Portable Skill• You will use it in every relationship

• You will need it regardless of your career path

• The “Information Age”• The history of civilization is the history of information

• Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of information and knowledge through time and space

Why Study Communication?

• Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills

• You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication

• People Overestimate Their Own Communication Skills

We Want Others to Change

What Is Communication?

• Transfer of Meaning—No

• Influence of Mental Maps—Yes

• Redundant

• Visual

• Auditory

• Kinesthestic

• Energetic

What Is Communication?

• Conscious and Intentional

• Nonverbal

• Verbal

• Unconscious and Unintentional

• Nonverbal

• Verbal

Unconscious Processing

• Conscious Processing = 7±2/Second

• Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec.

• Short-term Memory

• Long-term Memory

• Habits

• Physical

• Mental

Habits

• Learned Behavior

• Established Over Time

• Practice

• Self-talk

• Change

Learning

• Unconscious Incompetence

• Conscious Incompetence

• Conscious Competence

• Unconscious Competence

• Mastery

External Reality

• The Map is Not the Territory• We delete information

• We distort information

• We generalize

• We assign meaning

• Models of the World

Sensory Data

• The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience• What we see

• What we hear

• What we touch, taste, and smell

• The Four-tuple

• Meanings and Memories

Filtering Experience

• Primary Mediation

• Secondary Mediation• Genetic predisposition

• Conditioning

• Personal profiles of behavioral type

• Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors

• Physical and mental state

Perception Can Be Tricky

The Communication Process

Sen

sory

Dat

a

Sen

sory

Dat

aSender Receiver

Filters

BeliefsValues

Questions &MetaphorsBeh. Type

State

Filters

BeliefsValues

Questions &MetaphorsBeh. Type

State

Decision-Making

Message

Channel

The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003

Encoding

Decision-Making

Encoding

Metaphor: The Language of Perception

• Metaphors and Similes• My love is a flower.• My love is like a flower.

• Core Metaphors• Argument is war• Business is war• Business is a sport or a game• Business is a building

Core Metaphors

• Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies

• Perceptual Filters

• Common Operational Metaphors• Time is…

• Learning is…

• Men/Women are…

• Success is...

• Life is…

Experience, Language, and Meaning

Experience

Sensory Data

Mental Maps

Language Meaning

Symbol Systems

• Language• Words and sentences

• Meaning and labels

• Mathematics

• Money

History of Communication

• Nonverbal: 150,000 years

• Oral: 55,000 years

• Written: 6,000 years• Early writing: 4000 BC

• Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC

• Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC

• Book printing in China: 600 BC

• Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD

Communicating Meaning

• Physiology and Appearance: 55 percent

• Paralanguage: 38 percent

• Language: 7 percent

Sensory Data and Mental Maps

• Bridge Between Internal and External

• Internal and External Processing

• Internal Processing

• Posture and breathing

• Language and paralanguage

• Eye accessing cues

Sensory Modalities

• Visual

• Auditory

• Kinesthetic• Touch

• Taste

• Smell

• Emotional responses (feelings)

Preferred Sensory Modalities

• People Use All Their Available Senses

• Some Prefer Visual

• Some Prefer Auditory

• Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster• Senses of touch, taste, and smell

• Associated emotional responses

• Some Prefer “Digital” Processing

Visuals

• Vocabulary• I see what you mean.

• It looks good to me.

• Let’s stay focused on the problem.

• She has a bright future.

• He’s always in a fog.

• Physiology and Appearance

• Paralanguage

Auditories

• Vocabulary• I hear what you are saying.

• It sounds good to me.

• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

• That’s music to my ears.

• He’s always blowing his own horn.

• Physiology and Appearance

• Paralanguage

Kinesthetics (Kinos)

• Vocabulary• I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me.

• It smells fishy to me.

• It left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

• She’s still rough around the edges.

• He’s a smooth operator.

• Physiology and Appearance

• Paralanguage

Eye Accessing Cues

Vr

Ar

Ai

Vc

Ac

K

Exercise: Observing Eye Movements

• Ask questions that require internal processing.

• Visual

• Auditory

• Kinesthetic

• Taste or smell

• Touch

• Emotions

Exercise: Flexibility

• Determine your preferred system.

• What are you doing when you “think”?

• Speak for two minutes using predicates from one sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two.

• Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

Rapport

• Finding Commonalities• Values

• Vocabulary and paralanguage

• Physiology and appearance

• Matching and Mirroring

• Cross-over Matching

People who are like each other, like each other.

Developing Rapport

• Nonverbal (what you see and do)• Physiology

• Appearance

• Congruence

• Verbal (what you hear and say)• Sense-based predicates

• Values, beliefs, and criteria

• Voice tone and rate of speech

Reading Nonverbal Messages

• Sensory Acuity

• Agree and Disagree

• Posture and Movement• Associated or dissociated

• Bodily response

Exercises: Rapport

• Matching and Mirroring

• Observing others

• Practicing

• Calibration

• Like/dislike

• Yes/no

Congruence

• Physiology• Left/right body

• Left/right brain

• Nonverbal and Verbal Messages

• “Parts”

• Groups

Strategies

• The Structure of Subjective Experience• Four-tuples

• Syntax

• Learned Behavior• TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit)

• Habits

• Skills

Common Strategies

• Spelling• Auditory (spell “phonics” phonetically)

• Visual

• Making Decisions

• Communicating• Listening and speaking

• Writing

Decision-making Strategies

• Purchasing• An inexpensive product

• Dinner in a nice restaurant

• An expensive product or service

• Relationships

• Career Choices

Communication Strategy, 1 & 2

• Pace• Match (nonverbally and verbally)

• Meet expectations

• Lead• Set direction

• Maintain interest

• Maintain rapport

Communication Strategy, 3 & 4

• Blend Outcomes• Understand objectives and desires

• Create win-win solutions

• Motivate• Clarify who does what next

• Future-pace possibilities

• Presuppose positive results

Exercise: Eliciting Strategies

• Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant

• Learning Something New

• Teaching Something for the First Time

Personal Profiles

• Achiever

• Communicator

• Specialist

• Perfectionist C

SP

A

Profile Characteristics• Achiever

• Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win.• Sees life as a competition.

• Communicator• Likes to achieve results by working with and through people.• Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results.

• Specialist• Likes to plan work and relationships.• Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.

• Perfectionist• Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail.• Complies with authority and tries to provide the “right” answer.

Metaprograms

• Action — Initiate or Respond

• Direction — Toward or Away From

• Source — Internal or External

• Conduct — Rule Follower or Breaker

More Metaprograms

• Response — Match or Mismatch

• Scope — Global or Specific

• Cognitive Style — Thinking or Feeling

• Confirmation — VAK and Times

Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms

• Metaprograms are revealed by

• Nonverbal messages

• Language

• Question s

• What do you mean?

• How do you know?

• What’s important to you about that?

Changing Behavior

• Patterns and Pattern Interrupts

• Anchors and Anchoring• Stimulus-response conditioning

• Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors

• Advanced Language Patterns• The Metamodel

• The Milton Model

Exercise: Anchoring

• Setting Anchors

• Kinesthetic

• Visual

• Auditory

• Stacking Anchors

• Collapsing Anchors

• Using Sliding Anchors

The Structure of Subjective Experience

• Sorting for Time• Past, present, and future

• Timelines

• Sorting for Like and Dislike

• Creating and Changing Meaning

Modalities and Submodalities

• Visual Submodalities• Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view

• Color or black & white, moving or still

• Auditory Submodalities• Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm

• Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)

• Kinesthetic Submodalities• Location, strength, duration, movement

• Quality (warm, cold, “tingly,” etc.)

Exercise: Changing Submodalities

• Select something, someone, or an activity you want to like better.

• Elicit submodalities for

• Things you like.

• Things you dislike.

• Change the submodalities with which you represent the thing, person, or activity.

Belief Systems

• Cultural

• Parental

• Group

• Individual

• Global (Identity)

• Cause-effect• If X, then Y

• If I study, then I will...

• Rules• Can/can’t

• Must/must not

• Should/should not

Values

• A Type of Belief

• Hierarchical

• Either Positive or Negative• Something desired

• Something to avoid

• Congruent or Incongruent

Core Questions

• Remain Out of Conscious Awareness

• Focus Attention

• Influence Interpretation of Events

• Influence Psychological State

• Influence the Range of Possibilities

Exercise: Belief and Disbelief• Elicit the submodalities of something you

believe absolutely.

• Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt.

• Elicit the submodalities of something you disbelieve.

• Select a limiting belief and change its submodalities.

Frames and Reframes

• The Filters That Determine Meaning• Influence State and Behavior• Creating and Changing Frames

• Anchoring• Reframing Context• Reframing Content

Reframing Context

• Key Questions• Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful?

• When would the characteristic or behavior be useful?

• What would have to be true for this to be useful?

• Common Context Reframes• Rudolph’s red nose

• Oil

• Procrastination

Reframing Content

• Key Questions• What else could this mean (or be)?

• What am I missing here?

• How can he or she believe that?

• How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?

• Common Content Reframes• The ugly duckling

• Plastic or sawdust

• Failure

The Metamodel

• Used to Understand Another’s Mental Maps

• Used to Recover Lost Information

• Used to Help Correct Distortions

• Universal Metamodel Questions• What, who, or how specifically?

• What do you mean?

• How do you know?

• What would happen if you did (or didn’t)?

Metamodel “Violations”

• Unspecified Nouns• Abstract nouns (a student, teachers)• Nominalizations (freedom, justice)

• Unspecified or Missing Pronouns• Someone you know. . . .• It’s wrong to think that.

Metamodel “Violations”

• Unspecified Verbs• You have to learn this.• You will solve your problems.

• Unwarranted Generalizations• You never want to do anything.• Politicians are crooks.

Metamodel “Violations”

• Unwarranted Comparisons• Brand X gives you more.• Sally is the best.

• Unwarranted Rules• You can’t do that on television.• Clean your plate.• No pain, no gain.

The Milton Model

• Used to Change Another’s Mental Maps

• Used to Create New Possibilities

• Used to Influence

Milton Model Techniques

• Metamodel “Violations”

• Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs.

• Generalizations

• Comparisons

• Shifts in referential index

More Milton Model Techniques

• Presuppositions

• Embedded Questions

• Embedded Commands

• Negative Commands

• Metaphors

• Quotes

• Ambiguities

Basic Language Skills

• My automobile prefers to warm up slowly.• The organization is in excellent shape. For

example, the record profits last year.• The company has decided to purchase new

furniture.• While busy working at the computer all day

was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.

More Basic Language Skills

• Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior to his boss, but also to the company president.

• The data is from “Service Is the Key”, by Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of Customer Relations.

Language Skills for Case 1

• As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my responsibility to set up our companies annual convention.

• I am writing this letter to inquire about your hotel’s accommodations.

• How many people can your hotel accommodate at one time?

More Language Skills for Case 1

• Does your hotel have banquet facilities?

• How many conference rooms does your hotel have with audio/visual equipment?

• I must have your answer by July 10th so that I can make a decision.

• Thank you in advance for sending this and other helpful information.

Block Format andMixed Punctuation

• Date goes on left margin• 5 January 2004• January 5, 2004• NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004

• Inside address includes the following:• Name of the individual with courtesy title• Professional title and/or office or department• Organization plus “mail stop” information• City, state, and ZIP code information

Block Format andMixed Punctuation—Part 2

• Salutation• Dear Ms. Goldman:• Dear Director:• Ladies and Gentlemen:

• The signature block includes the following:• An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely,

Cordially, Best Wishes)• The signature of the person who wrote the letter• The typed/printed name of the writer

Message Structure for Case 1

• Ask the most important question.• What is the make-or-break question?

• Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms?

• Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?

• Explain your needs.• What does she need to know to help you?

• What does she not need to know?

• What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?

More Structure for Case 1

• Ask your secondary questions.• What is implied by the numbered list?

• How do you ensure that the information you receive will help you make a decision?

• Set and justify an end-date.• Is it possible that she can help you in ways you haven’t

asked about?

• Why do you need a time index to justify a specific end-date?