why can't i move on? narcissistic abuse: a complex trauma. compiled by jeni mawter

“Why Can’t I Move

On?”

Narcissistic Abuse:

A Complex Trauma

Compiled by Jeni Mawter

www.jenimawter.com

http://www.mymajors.com/blog/creativeoutlook/files/2013/10/chained-dreams-online.jpg

What happened when you met your

narcissist?

The narcissist mirrored your needs, desires,

fears and insecurities. They mirrored your

ideals, beliefs and value systems. They shared

your ethics and human compassion. They

were the whole package.

Mind + Body + Spirit + Soul = Soul Mate

You’d found your Soul Mate!

Narcissistic Relationships

are mutually

addictive

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/b4/78/db/b478dbc011d6086ed99c19e7a55a9769.jpg

Narcissistic Relationships

are mutually

addictiveThe Narcissist

wants to be:

Loved

Adored

Admired

Cherished

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/chain-hearts-

17930342.jpg

You want to

be:

Loved

Adored

Admired

Cherished

A Relationship with a

Narcissist

comes at a cost

Mental Cost = Sanity/Self-

esteem/Confidence

Physical Cost = Energy/Safety/Health

Psychological Cost =

Fear/Depression/Anxiety

Spiritual Cost = Lose your ‘Self’/Soul/Spirit

Social Cost =

Reputation/Networks/Supports

Sexual Cost = Relationships/Pleasure/Trust

Financial Cost = Security/Money/Home/Job

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“Why do you

keep paying

with your life?”

Maybe you don’t know

what you’ve been dealing

with

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Maybe you ignore Warning

Signs

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Don’t listen to your intuition?

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Maybe you do know

EVERYTHING about

Narcissistic Personality

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Yet you

still

can’t

move on!

Knowledge

hasn’t helped you

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Knowledge alone is not enough

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Maybe you choose not to

act?

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs47/f/2009/239/3/4/

i__m_sorry__my_hands_are_tied__

by_boobookittyfuck.jpg

Maybe you don’t know how to

act?

http://www.psychologyatsouthyarra.com.au/images/psychology_help.jpg

Don’t know where to start?

http://orgjunkie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/when-you-dont-know-where-to-start2.jpg

What

to do?

Who

am I?

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uploads/Potter-11.jpg

Caution!

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Why are you stuck

in this perpetual cycle?

Stuck in the aftermath of

Narcissistic Abuse?

Some thoughts

…

Have you become

dehumanized?

As human beings we:

- have essential needs to be accepted, loved and respected by ourselves and others.

- have dreams and hopes for meaningful and productive futures.

- need to feel connected with others.

- need some form of control in our lives.

Society Let You Down? - Mythshttp://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Society Let You Down? – Family

http://real.fstatuses.com/cards/hearts/642154.jpg

Society Let You Down? –

Religious Leaders

http://images.3aw.com.au/2012/12/19/3901153/191212-Religious-Symbols.jpg

Society Let You Down? –

Health Professionals

http://www.paulkiritsis.net/drugabuse.jpg

Society Let You Down? -

Counselors

http://image.slidesharecdn.com/7mythsaboutnarcissism-110215075316-phpapp02/95/7-myths-about-narcissism-4-728.jpg?cb=1411737172

Society Let You Down? –

Law Enforcement

http://d3thflcq1yqzn0.cloudfront.net/022416038_prevstill.jpeg

Society Let You Down? –

Legal System

Narcissists

love

Courtroom Drama

http://storytweetblog.com/2014/09/13/

narcissistic-repercussion/

Society Let You Down? –

You

ME?!!!

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/111/3/d/what_do_you_mean_meme_by_jasperseidel-d4x2gtr.jpg

Maybe you won’t believe

the abuse is deliberate

https://www.pilkington.com/~/media/Platform/Icons/Pilkington%20Product%20Categories/BLC%20Safety%20Securi

ty.ashx?mw=200

You’re keeping up a façade

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You feel ashamed …

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2011/7/6/1309962558124/Young-black-man-with-

head-007.jpg

You’ve been in denial

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/thumb/msid-22175182,width-310,resizemode-4/poke-me-shouldnt-we-

stop-being-in-denial-over-the-health-of-our-leaders-people-readers-react.jpg

You’ve been living with the

false hope that things will

change

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/043/0/7/false_hope_by_feelmefromtheINSIDE.jpg

It feels like you’ve got

too much to lose

http://www.jobboardscripts.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/stay-or-leave.jpg

You’re being Triangulated

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You feel overwhelmed

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You feel abandoned

http://www.runningwithspoons.com

You’re confused …

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When you Dissociate to

Disappear,

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it feels like you’ve lost your

soul

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You’ve become a “Missing

Person”

in a body

http://pixelsatanexhibition-com.zippykid.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/michelle-robinson_uselessness-project-365-looking-for-the-lost-self_130201-1024x768.jpg

You don’t know who you are

anymore

http://www.pastortullian.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/identity_crisis-291x3001.jpg

Your assumptions about

yourself

have been shattered. You now

feel: - Vulnerable

- Unlovable

- Irrational

- Immoral

- Unworthy

- Unforgiving

- Irrelevant

- Weak

- A poor judge of character

- Shameful

- Not Safe

- Undeserving

- Lack confidence

- Gullible

- Desperate

- Bitter

- Angry

- Naïve

- A failure

- Traumatized

- Powerless

You don’t have the energy

to move on

You were taught wrong!

http://www.liveluvcreate.com/image/love_respect_forgive-439073.html

When you expect nothing

in return you’ve learnt …

http://blank.to/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/5_k.jpg

You’ve become Nothing

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Maybe you’ve been betrayed

too many

times!

http://www.psychic-medium-readings.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/betrayal-240x300.jpg

You’ve lost all your trust

http://drewchial.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/trust-fall.jpg

Maybe there are too many

narcissists in your life?!

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Your boundaries are being

violated

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You are in a permanent state

of

Hypervigilence

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8nE/Tqn6nW_3uzI/AAAAAAAABVk/PimfqmmjPX8/s400/Fight%2BOr%2BFlight%2BUncertainty.jpg

You can’t concentrate or

sleep

http://www.batte.com/images/figures/e.exhaustion.w.jpg

You’re exhausted …

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You’re bogged down with

negative self talk

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You’re confused by

mixed messages

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You think you’re going

Crazy!

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/357/e/5/i__m_not_crazy____am_i__by_maxkill300-d4k1m5d.jpg

The Pain is Physical and

Constant

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Yet your wounds are invisible

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war/_jcr_content/par/solution/contextImage.aspectfit.0x0.jpg/1393779650822.jpg

Tactic: Reversal of Victim

RoleThe Narcissist puts a huge amount of effort into their

public persona. Bystanders believe that they are

genuine, righteous and kind. If a victim attempts to

disclose their maliciousness The Narcissist makes

derogatory remarks about the target’s mental state,

character and motives.

They use role reversal, feigning moral indignation

and playing the role of victim. Believing the public

persona supporters see the real victim, attempting to

be heard, as the abusive one.

From http://psychopathresistance.wordpress.com

People don’t understand

the extent of your torment

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9a/c1/25/9ac1255051f26cc63203a58ab14556a1.jpg

So there’s No Validation

We heal

when

we are

heard

and

validated

No Validation means No Justice

from

Legal Systems

Family

Friends

Work Colleagues

Peers

New Partners

Health Systems

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d_1024x768

It feels like it’s never over

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Nothing gets resolved!!!

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You feel trapped

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06web.jpg

You’re Emotionally ‘Shut

Down’

http://chosen129.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/04/HolleyGerth-Quote.jpg

‘Self’ doubting

http://www.nextbigwhat.com/pi-of-life-please-stop-hiding-in-the-cracks-297/

Isolation gives ‘Self’

Protection

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You keep re-living the pain

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Your pain is your identity

http://www.imaginationstudio.com/images/digiart/damedium/Identity%20Crisis.jpg

You’re stuck on being ‘The

Victim’

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Steve+Maraboli+Quote+Victim+Mentality.jpg

You’re Stuck in the Past

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Unresolved

Grief and Forgiveness

http://brainbodybalance.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/forgiveness1-300x227.png

You’re too nice! In order to move on

you must reject what drives you

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42xbI/AAAAAAAAANA/RgeO0vYQf_8/s1600/I+Face+Trials+with+an+Open+Mind%252C+Faith%252C+Love+

and+Kindness.jpg

You feel meaningless

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/203/488566808_3c5703fecb.jpg?v=1178597646

You feel used and

discarded

http://dethcheez.deviantart.com/art/Discarded-2-Close-Up-60849999

You feel powerless

http://www.carolecgood.com/1206409464X4DK13I.jpg

You feel

battle

worn

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com

/2013/01/top-taps-127-42.jpg

?w=500&h=750

Why is it so easy

for an abuser

to get away with it

and so difficult

for an abuse victim

to be heard?

Unless others have experienced

Narcissistic Abuse they don’t

believe it

https://afternarcissisticabuse.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/1inexplicable.jpg?w=604

You can’t change

a Narcissist

so you have to

change your ‘Self’

What is your ‘Self’?

http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/who-am-i-sladjana-endt.jpg

Needs

Desires

Opinions

Thoughts

Feelings

Values

Beliefs

Voice

Ideals

Start by

finding the

missing

‘You’

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/

originals/7a/54/f6/7a54f6983fa3ae

7506473501c28fee9b.jpg

Maybe create a new ‘You’

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Watch this space!

http://www.birmingham-box.co.uk/files/images/applicationfiles/1128.001eeb5e/800x600.fitdown.jpg

About Jeni Mawter

Jeni Mawter is an Australian

writer whose young adult

multi-text novel, Kiss Kill, is

about Narcissistic Personality

Disorder.

http://amzn.com/B00PIADCNY

www.jenimawter.com

Narcissistic Abuse

thrives in secrecy

Please

share

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Other Narcissistic Personality Disorder links to share

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http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/narcissistic-victim-syndrome-a-powerpoint-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/verbal-abuse-and-the-narcissist-communication-tactics-designed-to-make-you-crazy