awol issue 306

hua hin, ThaiLanDanyone travelling beyond the flyover south of the town cannot have failed to see the colourful new water park emerging, as Vana nava hua hin nears completion. Billed as asia’s first water jungle, it is due to open fully to the public on 1st December, but prior to that there is a surprising sneak peek opportunity, as the Tempology “underground dance music festival” takes place this Saturday (22nd november) offering festival goers the chance to enjoy rides and a swim while listening to a line-up consisting of local underground heroes and a mixture of live bands and DJs who will play the whole spectrum of dance music from indie disco, house and roots music to hard-edged techno. Tickets are 500 baht each, and more information can be found on www.tempobkk.com.Vana nava itself s expected to bring in more than 300,000 visitors in its first year, and is the first phase of a larger 35- rai mixed-use development. The park’s highlights include The abyss, and the 31-metre-high Vana nava Falls, which is said to be asia’s tallest man-made mountain waterfall, as well as LED lighting in all the pools. Other slides and attractions include the Slide Jungle, a large tower with 6 of the fastest slides ever built and the Surf Zone consisting of a Double Flow Rider as well as a bar, a game arcade and live DJ station.Daily admission to the water jungle zone starts at 1,000 baht per adult and 600 baht per child, with a family package for 2 adults and 2 children at 2,600 baht. Operating times during the regular seasons will be 10am - 6pm, extended to 10am - 9pm during the peak season and on public holidays. For more information and special deals, visit www.Vananavahuahin.com.

GET RACING FROM ONLY 400 BAHT!

OPEN EVERYDAY 10.30AM - 7PM, LATE NIGHT BY APPOINTMENTCall 032 547 199 (Office) or 081 817 3000 (Mobile)Soi 2, Phetchkasem Road opposite Hua Hin Airport

www.gokarthuahin.com

issue 306

new water jungle opens in ten days; music festival there this weekend

VictorNaresdamri Rd. opposite Brasserie de Paris Rooms/family suites in heart of Hua Hin

a/c, lcd tv, dvd player, fridge, free premium wifi, cable tv

www.victorguesthousehuahin.com

guesthouse open24/7

Page 3

Weather

Local Information

Balloon Chasers

Axis Of Evil

Your free weekly newspaper since 2008

make a splash!

21 November 2014

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Open every day from 1pm - late12/10 Soi Samoprong, Hua Hin Tel. 080 652 0531

Located off the canal road north of the traffic lights; turn left at the blue bridge after the petrol station and right before the 7-11. We are about 100m up on the right.

BBQ, Ribs, Chops, Burgers, Snacks etcEat In or Take Out

Air con, Pool table, Draft LeoLarge domestic beers 110 baht

Live Band Every Thursday & Saturday from 7pm

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Contact us NOW for a free inspection and quote for your pool or spa

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HAPPY HOUR! 1 - 7pmSangsom + mixer 40 baht

Wine 55 baht Large domestic beers 65 baht

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LIVE SPORTS TV including Premier League Football

now back on tap in khao takiab at the lost cafÉ

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aWOl paGe 3

AWOL with Gunya

Photos coutesy of Haribo

Daily Prices:2014 Toyota Yaris from ฿ 600Honda City from ฿ 700Toyota Fortuner from ฿ 900

includes Full Car Hire Insurance, Sat Nav, Dash Cam and Breakdown Cover

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Allied with ACTA Advokatfirma(Sweden)ourlocalreferencesincludeBlack Mountain Group, Thai NordicProperty, Black Mountain Resort,Hagstate(PrimeRestaurant),Matisse(BlackMountainItalianRestaurant)

For further information or appointment contact: Michelle by Email: [email protected] orMobile: 092 427 3344Website: www.actahuahin.com

Find our office at La Vallee on the Pala-U Road

4



World Weather (21-11-14)

CITY Min. Max. WeatherAmsterdam 2 9 OvercastAnkara 6 16 ShowersAthens 12 19 FineAuckland 12 19 CloudyBeijing -1 12 FineBerlin 4 7 CloudyBuenos Aires 15 25 CloudyCairo 14 22 DrizzleChicago -8 -4 FineCopenhagen 3 6 CloudyDubai 21 28 ClearDublin 9 10 CloudyGeneva 0 7 CloudyHelsinki -1 1 SnowHo Chi Minh City 24 32 CloudyHong Kong 21 25 ClearIslamabad 9 24 ClearJakarta 23 32 RainJerusalem 12 22 WindyJohannesburg 11 28 ThunderstormsKarachi 16 32 FineKuala Lumpur 25 33 ThunderstormsLondon 7 10 CloudyMadrid 8 17 FineManila 23 31 ThunderstormsMexico City 10 23 ThunderstormsMoscow -7 -2 FineMumbai 25 35 CloudyNew Delhi 9 28 FineNew York -1 6 FineOslo 0 2 Snow ShowersParis 6 10 MistPerth 13 22 Chance of RainPhnom-Penh 25 33 Partly CloudyRio De Janeiro 16 31 CloudyRiyadh 18 28 ClearRome 8 20 CloudySan Francisco 12 17 RainSeoul 5 14 CloudyShanghai 14 21 CloudySingapore 24 32 ThunderstormsStockholm 2 4 SnowSydney 22 38 FineTaibei/Taipei 18 25 RainTokyo 9 16 FineVancouver 6 9 ShowersVientiane 18 31 ClearYangon 22 33 Partly CloudyZurich 3 7 Cloudy

local Forecast aNd tIdes

Saturday 0 Mostly sunny 32 25 06:08/ 15:15 11:41/ 22:50 Sunday 0 Sun through high clouds 31 25 06:49/ 15:23 12:37/ 23:26 Monday 1 A morning shower 31 25 07:35 - Tuesday 1 A stray shower in the am 32 25 08:23 00:03 Wednesday 5 A couple of am showers 31 25 09:10 00:42 Thursday 7 Mostly cloudy, a little rain 29 25 09:52 01:20 Friday 7 Some rain and a t’storm 30 24 10:28 02:00

WeaTheRaND TIDes

thaIlaNd Weather (20-11-14)

Place Temp. Hum. ConditionsAranyaprathet 32 °C 44% Haze Bangkok 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Bhumibol Dam 30 °C 51% Scattered Clds Bua Chum 30 °C 40% Haze Chaiyaphum 30 °C 37% Haze Chanthaburi 31 °C 58% Partly Cloudy Chiang Mai 29 °C 40% Partly Cloudy Chiang Rai 27 °C 54% Scattered Clds Chumphon 31 °C 55% Haze Hat Yai 26 °C 94% Light Rain Kam Paeng Phet 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Kanchanaburi 31 °C 37% Haze Khanom 29 °C 74% Mostly Cloudy Khlong Yai 31 °C 58% Partly Cloudy Khon Kaen 30 °C 40% Partly Cloudy Ko Lanta 27 °C 84% Mostly Cloudy Ko Samui 29 °C 74% Mostly Cloudy Ko Sichang 31 °C 43% Scattered Clds Krabi 27 °C 84% Mostly Cloudy Laemchabang 32 °C 58% Scattered Clds Lampang 29 °C 51% Scattered Clds Lamphun 33 °C 45% Partly Cloudy Loei 28 °C 51% Partly Cloudy Lop Buri 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Mae Hong Son 31 °C 46% Scattered Clds Mae Sariang 28 °C 56% Scattered Clds Mae Sot 30 °C 42% Partly Cloudy Mukdahan 28 °C 48% Scattered Clds Nakhon Phanom 28 °C 48% Scattered Clds Nakhon Ratch. 29 °C 44% Haze Nakhon Sawan 30 °C 38% Haze Nakhon Si Tham. 25 °C 100% Light Rain Nan 29 °C 37% Partly Cloudy

Place Temp. Hum. ConditionsNarathiwat 27 °C 84% Light Rain Nong Khai 30 °C 55% Partly Cloudy Pattani 26 °C 94% Rain Pattaya 30 °C 55% Haze Phayao 27 °C 54% Scattered Clds Phetchabun 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Phetchaburi 30 °C 55% Clear Phitsanulok 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Phrae 31 °C 38% Mostly Cloudy Phuket 28 °C 74% Mostly Cloudy Prachin Buri 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Prachuap K.khan 30 °C 55% Clear Ranong 31 °C 53% Haze Rayong 30 °C 68% Haze Roi Et 30 °C 47% Haze Sakon Nakhon 28 °C 48% Scattered Clds Sattahip 30 °C 55% Haze Satun 26 °C 94% Light Rain Songkhla 26 °C 94% Rain Suphan Buri 30 °C 48% Scattered Clds Surat Thani 24 °C 100% Overcast Surin 29 °C 55% Partly Cloudy Tak 30 °C 51% Scattered Clds Takua Pa 28 °C 74% Mostly Cloudy Tha Tum 30 °C 63% Partly Cloudy Tha Wang Pha 29 °C 37% Partly Cloudy Thong Pha Phum 30 °C 40% Haze Trang 27 °C 89% Overcast Ubon Ratchathani 30 °C 45% Scattered Clds Udon Thani 29 °C 45% Clear Uttaradit 30 °C 51% Scattered Clds Wichian Buri 30 °C 37% Scattered Clds

Rain Conditions Temp. °C Tides (mm) High Low High Low

YOUR aD heRe FROm ฿66 a WeekCall 081 649 8361

Email [email protected]

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Orchid Restaurant 94Top Quality Thai & International Food from our Thai and Internationally Trained English Chefs

Delicious Traditional Sunday LunchesEvery week from noon we serve Pork (290 baht) and

one of Lamb or Beef (340 baht) with all the trimmings; check our Facebook page for regular updates.

Reservations Recommended on 092 357 8185All Day Breakfasts from 11am

Full English 170 baht, Small 130 baht

Great Value Quality SteaksBlack Angus Australian Sirloin and trimmings just 499 baht

Daily SpecialsCheck our blackboard for different dishes every day

phetchkasem road

soi

94

to market village

to khao takiab

orchid rest. 94

N

088 186 7495 (Thai) 092 357 8185 (Eng)Orchid 94 Restaurant

Fully Licensed Restaurant Open 11am to 9pmClosed Mondays

aWOlaUTUmN maDNess!

BUY 12 mONThs OF aDs, GeT 1 mONTh FRee!

Offer runs from now to end of November; prices and sizes applicable are those in the current AWOL Media Guide.

Example: Quarter page ad52 issues cost 21,000 baht (approx. 404 baht per issue)

plus 4 extra issues becomes 375 baht per issueAds must be paid for completely in advance

Contact us for more informationTel. 081 649 8361

E-Mail: [email protected]

hURRY!!

ONlY 9 DaYs leFT!

6



meals only (d

rinks n

ot included)

10%

OFF!

AWOL

valid to 2

8/11/14

at

buffalo tavern

Public House and restaurant

new! kepplers irish cider on draught just 160 baht a pint

Plus thatchers cider in bottlesall day breakfast from 8.30am

sunday roast available every day childrens menu

Our rooms are currently being renovated large outside sun terrace and free WIFI

www.buffalobillshuahin.com [email protected] on the corner of Chomsin/ Naresdamri rd by the fishing pier

For bookings or more information call 085 291 8685, 080 727 4710 or fax 032 530087

pROpeRTY maRkeTplace

CALL 082 298 0500 Or 081 649 8361 EMAiL [email protected]

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neW pOOL viLLAs in sOuth huA hinprice: from 3.9 m baht for 2 bed to 6.8 m baht for 3 bed

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7 design optionssun roof deckseasy access to townFull air con Packsclubhouse24 hour security

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beAutifuL LAnd in West huA hinprice: 1.5 m baht contact owner on 088 894 6100

1 rai (1600sq m) tab tai areaMountain views 16km to townoverlooking streamdual access front and back to public roads

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a section for all you budding etymologists where each week the origin of a word or phrase is investigated.

served up By...

Bobby’s British Breakfast FoodsUK Sausages, Ham, Bacon, Pies, Teas etc.

Call 087 155 7737 or 089 985 7473

This week it is..... Field daya day of excitement or a circumstance of opportunity.The origin use of this term comes from the military. The literal sense of the term, that is, a day spent in field manoeuvers, is now little used. The first reference we have for that meaning is from 1747, in Scheme Equip. Men of War:“These periodical Intervals of eating and drinking ... are to the Citizens as it were Field Days, for improving their Valour.”a more specifically military reference comes from a little later, in The Edinburgh advertiser, May 1776:“The officers, on a general field day, instead of commanding, are obliged to coax them [the soldiery] to go through their different manoeuvers.”‘Field day’ was a commonly used term in the military throughout the rest of the 18th century. During the 19th century it began to be extended to refer to any event that might happen in a field; for example:hunting: “Sometimes a dance (though rarely on field days, For then the gentlemen were rather tired).” - Lord Byron, Don Juan, 1823.

eVeRY aDVeRT IN

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4000 peOple, ONlINe aND

IN pRINT eVeRY Week

**********In 2013

the aWOl website had an average

of over 2,000 unique visitors

a week

Scientific expeditions: “We had a delightful field-day in the abbey.” - Sir George Gilbert Scott Recollections, 1878.around that time the term also began to be used for any exciting or welcome event, as in Thomas Creevey’s Letters, 1827:“Saturday was a considerable field day in Arlington Street, ... and a very merry jolly dinner and evening we had.”We spend less time in fields now than before and during the 20th century the term was further extended to include opportunity as well as enjoyment; for example, ‘Clergyman found drunk in nightclub - the tabloids will have a field day with that’.

is there an english phrase or saying that you would like to know more about?

email it to us on [email protected]

Terrace 90Open: 2pm - 10pm(Last order at 9.30pm)From 1 Dec. Open 11am for Lunch•Authentic BBQ St. Louis Ribs and Tex Mex• Lamb Chops and Steaks from the Grill

•Great Margaritas and Cocktails• Imported and Local Beers

Check Facebook and our Website for SpecialsE-mail: [email protected] Website: www.Terrace90.com

https://th-th.facebook.com/terrace90

032 516 587250/133 Soi 90, Hua Hin

27 November THANKSGIVING BUFFET650 Baht per person, under twelves 450 Baht

Pre Paid Tickets/Reservations RequiredAll Nationalities Welcome

Opens 5pm, Buffet from 6pm•RoastUSButterballandSlowRoastedTurkey•SlowRoastedHoneyHamandSmokedHam•TraditionalSageStuffing

andCornBreadStuffing•AndAlltheFixings(www.terrace90.com)•PumpkinPieselectionandallthefixings

Most Major Credit Cards Accepted

The Famous Terrace 90 All You Care To Eat Buffet

Returns Every Tuesday from 2 Dec at 6pmWith BBQ, Roasts, Pasta, Salads,

Soups, Fresh Baked Bread and Dessert plus so much more

399 Baht, Children 250 Baht

Book Your Holiday Now; Party in Our Private Upstairs Terrace. Book Early To Reserve Your Date. We build the

Buffet to fit your group and budget.

8



aWOl sUDOkU

Each week we have an easy and a hard Sudoku puzzle. Just fill in the empty squares so that each horizontal and vertical line, and each section, has all the numbers 1 to 9.

Puzzle

1

Puzzle

2Last issue’s

solutions

puzz

le 1

(eas

y)

puzz

le 2

(har

d)

ALL NATIONShua hin

guesthouse and bar12 rooms from

350 baht a nightfree wifi for guests

032 512747allnationshuahin@

gmail.comDrop your AWOL

Classifieds in here

Dream Restaurant & BarSoi 88 (just up from Stand Online)Buffet on Fridays just 279 bahtSwedish/Thai/European Food

0915094729 Th/Eng 0805626735 Swe/Eng

solve your dining puzzles at dream restaurant & Bar

EXPAT INSURANCE SOLUTIONSHealth(upto85),Car,

Motorbike,House,Commercial.FullmedicalcoverforexpatsworldwideTravelinsurancespecialist(includingasrequiredforSchenghenvisas)

Soi94,lastunitonleftbeforerailway085 962 2232 or 032 512075

[email protected]

www.asiaexpatinsurance.com

9

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10



THE AWOL NOTICEBOARD

get noticed!Place an ad on the AWoL noticeboard, available in four sizes:Small - 100 baht per weekMedium - 150 baht per weekBig - 300 baht per weekLarge (this note) - 500 baht per weekAll ads are a minimum of 4 weekscontact [email protected] or call 081 649 8361

driviNg iN thailaNd?

international

driving licence valid

5 years 1800 bt.

call

089 530 8771 (eng)

Lost something?

Missing Pet?

Get help finding

them with the

AWOL Noticeboard

This size 150

baht per week

Contact AWOL on

081-649-8361 or email to [email protected]

tell eVerYoNe aBoUt the

haPPY hoUr eVerY daY at

YoUr Bar

guesthouse for sale

in central hua hin

082 298 0500

BUSINESS FOR SALE ?

Why not place an ad on

the Noticeboard - this size

just 150 baht per week

(minimum 4 weeks)

ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUSIfyouwanttodrink,

that’syourbusiness,ifyouwanttostop,wecanhelp.

Call to speak to an AA member:

Davies - 0870 620 098

Henrick - 0879 083 285

Loren - 081 007 6856www.aathailand.org

MeetingseverydayinHuaHin

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TauRuS apr 21 – May 21You’ll become frustrated and

depressed when, after approaching beautiful women with the corny line “I must paint you,” you find it actually works like a charm.

GEMini May 22 – June 21A horrifying incident with a knife-

thrower, a chainsaw-juggler, and a fire-eater will result in grievous bodily harm, although it’s kind of a surprise that it mostly involves being hit by a bus.

CanCER Jun 22 – Jul 22The stars are sorry, but someone

has already thought of starting a band with two of each instrument in it. It wasn’t all that great an idea then, either.

LEO Jul 23 – aug 22You aren’t the first person to try to

change someone after falling in love, but you might be the first to try to make that someone into a robot.

ViRGO aug 23 – Sep 22The powers-that-be will get back

to you on that pesky legal matter with the news that they’re sorry, but you can’t be officially recognized as the first blind person to drive across China if you poke out your eyes just before the finish.

LiBRa Sep 23 – Oct 23Some say the world will end in

ice, some fire. However, the end of your personal world will be most notable for banal remarks on the humidity.

SCORpiO Oct 24 – nov 21While it’s true there is no

plumbing the depths of the human heart, you’ll come up with some novel ideas about its heating and electrical wiring.

SaGiTTaRiuS nov 22 – Dec 21Your theory that there are only

two types of people in the world won’t go over well with the only other survivor of this week’s global thermonuclear holocaust.

CapRiCORn Dec 22 - Jan 19You’ve always considered yourself

a belt-and-suspenders type, but all everyone else seems to focus on is your lack of pants.

aquaRiuS Jan 20 – Feb 18Buck up: You still have a lot of life

ahead of you, even if the good part was over years ago.

piSCES Feb 19 – Mar 20You will fall into a pattern of self-

destructive behavior this week when you discover how much fun that sort of thing is.

aRiES Mar 21 - apr 20After a long, sweaty, painful time

trying to fix a knotty problem yourself, you’ll finally admit defeat and call in a real thoracic surgeon.

s & s IndIan restaurantCurries from only 90 bahtEat in or takeaway 081 455 5298

Soi 94

Certificate of Excellence 2012, 2013, 2014

Bars / PUBs telePhoNeBobby’s Bar 089 985 7473Dizzy Dolphin 080 652 0531Lost Cafe 086 043 5058Lucky Shot 086 178 1550Railway Tavern 085 429 0378The Bridge 089 586 1700

serVIces & other telePhoNeACTA Law Firm Hua Hin 092 427 3344CN Pool Service 081 572 3996Easy Car Rental 086 166 9880Siam Consulting 032 512075

under offer from

accoMModatIoN telePhoNeAll Nations Guesthouse 032 512747Dream Guesthouse 080 562 6735Victor Guesthouse 032 511564

ProPertY telePhoNeHot Property 032 533 533Lucky Real Estate 082 298 0500Sopha Land and Houses 083 324 0907

sPorts & leIsUre telePhoNeThe Dartman 087 155 7737Go Kart Hua Hin 032 547 199

restaUraNts/ Food telePhoNeAll In Hua Hin 032 530067British Breakfast Foods 087 155 7737Buffalo Tavern 032 530087Dream Restaurant & Bar 080 562 6735Hua Hin Ham & Bacon 032 513144Let’s Eat 082 248 0345Orchid Restaurant 94 092 357 8185S & S Indian 081 455 5298Terrace 90 032 516587

12



Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Can you crack the code and solve the crossword? Every letter of the alphabet is used at least once. Three letters are already in place to get you started. use the 1-26 small grid to keep track.

aWOl cODeWORD

Last issue’s solution

Let’s EatRESTAURANT

Open 9am to 9pmenglish breakfast and thai food

Soi 3 Khao Takiab (next to 7-11)call 082 248 0345 or 089 450 5755

an a to z of good food at let’s eat

a b c d e F g h i J k l mN o p Q r s t U v W X Y Z

ThIs aDVeRT jUsT 300 BahT a Week!*

*when booked for 13 issues

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUSAnon-profitfellowshipofmenandwomenforwhomdrugshavebecomeamajorproblem

Meetings now in Hua Hin every Sunday at 11.30am

and every Thursday at 6pmCONTACT

Add 086 014 7585Emmanuel K. 090 438 387

Mark 084 314 1928

13

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TWO TiGERS:Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file.The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. a few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger’s tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn’t want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place.he decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, “Did you just lick me twice in the butt?”The other tiger replied, “Yeah, sorry about that. i just ate a lawyer and i was trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”

kLEpTOMania“Mr. Chilton,” the analyst said, “i think this will be your last visit.”“Does that mean i’m cured?” he asked.“For all practical purposes, yes,” she said. “i think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven’t stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from.”“Well, that’s terrific, Doctor. Before i go, i’d like to tell you something. although our relationship is strictly professional, it’s been one of the most rewarding of my life. i wish i could do something to repay you for helping me.”“You’ve paid my fee,” the doctor said. “That’s the only responsibility you have.”“i know,” Chilton said. “But isn’t there some personal favour i could do for you?”“Well,” the doctor said, “i’ll tell you what. if you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a nice portable colour television.”

Send your jokes to [email protected] and get your name in print!Brought to you by The Railway Tavern

Railway TaveRn

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PUB & CAFEHUA HIN SOI 88085 429 0378

SnOW STORMa blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “if you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it”.pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.The driver nodded and said, “Well, i’m done with Wal-Mart; now you can follow me over to k-Mart.”

JOE ThE LaWYERJoe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. he got to the gates of heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.”“What do you mean,” he replied, “i’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did i have to die now?”“45? You’re not 45, you’re 82,” replied the angel.“Wait a minute. if you think i’m 82 then you have the wrong guy. i’m only 45. i can show you my birth certificate.”“hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel and disspeared inside. after a few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but by our records you are 82. i checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82...”

contacting aWoltelephone: 081 649 8361 (Eng) or 081 614 8728 (Thai)Facebook: AWOLexpat twitter: awolhuahinoffice: 136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin, 77110, Prachuap Kiri Khan

advertising: [email protected]: [email protected]: [email protected]: [email protected]: [email protected]: www.awolonline.net

14



BUsINessestaBlIshed restaUraNt/Bar For sale. Prime location in Khao Takiab near Wora-Bora and Amari Hotels. 3 year rolling lease paid up to Sept. 2015 (15,000 baht/month), 2 eating areas/bar, 2 kitchens, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms and private lounge upstairs, all clean and maintained. Price includes stock, appliances, equipment, furniture etc. 1.1m baht o.n.o. E-mail [email protected] tel. 090 445 5806 for details.rooMs aVaIlaBle IN family run guesthouse from 3,000 baht a month. Weekly and daily rates available. Tiks Place at VIP Condo just north of Hua Hin airport. Please call David on 092 927 7207 or email [email protected] for more information.WaNted gUesthoUse/hotel WIthIN 400m of beach near central Hua Hin. Call 081 817 3000

serVIcesadVertIse YoUr serVIce here for just 1000 baht for 3 months or 500 baht for 4 weeks. Or go to www.awolonline.net/business and place the ad there.

WaNtedlookINg For teNNIs partner (or joining a team of 4), 1 or 2 times a week. Medium level. Robert tel. 098 356 2290

eMPloYMeNtarchItectUral draFtsMaN, JoB offered; Full time job for an Architectural Draftsman, part time jobs for Handy Men, part time job for Webmaster, and part time job for Home cleaning service Staff (Thai citizens only). Call 081 253 1443 or email [email protected] Male staFF required to help customers and repair go karts; training will be given, no experience required, easy work, lots of fun please call 032 547 199staFF WaNted FeMale waitress staff wanted full training given; MUST HAVE A BRAIN!! Email info@ buffalobillshuahin.com or call 080 727 4710gUesthoUse reqUIres staFF - maid, daytime and nighttime staff and security guard. Please call 081 817 3000 or 087 155 6115

geNeral60 lIter PortaBle FRIDGE FREEZER (Australian designed and built for use in pickups/4X drives) Ideal for keeping food frozen on long shopping trips or beer cold (90 cans!) Cooling Capacity +10c to -18c. New Baht 34k - SELL - Baht 25k ONO -(view web: www.arb.com.au/products/arb-freezer-fridges) Call Patrick/Kan - 0877 124 630 (Soi 88)WatertaNk 1,000 lIter blue, very clean, full function, 2,500 BAHT, in Cha-Am, near Golden Beach Hotel, call for more information 080 773 54 96 FIVe 15 draWer filing cabinets 2,000bt each; one counter/ desk with side desk 5,000bt; one high backed swivel chair 1,500bt. All as new tel 089 530 8771 (Eng), 089 128 9556 (Thai)toP oF the range, barely used wheelchair for sale, 4,000 baht. Contact 090 794 7787hIgh qUalItY leather sofa - 3 seater, maroon colour. Cost new 55,000 baht, selling for 22,000 baht. Call 089 054 3205

Buy, sell, rent or lease, this is the place to do it with ease

caPsUle coFFee MachINe for sale. Model Nespresso. Unused price 6,000 Baht including 20 caps.Call 084 893 5164 DimikINgsIze teak Bed and mattress. Old teak wood king size bed with Serta mattress (very comfortable) Bed cost 10,000 Baht 12 years ago, mattress cost 14,000 2 years ago. For sale at 10,000 Baht. Pls call Lorraine on 085 291 8685 for more details.

geNeral - sPortsgolF clUBs For sale Set of Slazenger ‘Firesteel 2’ clubs Incl. 1,2 & 3 woods, 5,6,7,8,9 Irons. Pitching wedge, Sand wedge. 18deg Skymax Hybrid (new) + Donnay 10.5deg (Fairway?) wood. Dunlop putter, recently re-gripped (fat grip). All above including Slazenger bag, for 9000 Thai Baht. Additional: Top Flight 10.5deg Titanium Syncroflex no. 1 Wood 2000 Thai Baht. Call Terry on 088 542 2918 For sale golF clubs and bag; 1,3,5 woods, 9 cavity back irons, SW to 3 iron, Bag, 8,000 bt ono. Keith@081 466 1875lakeVIeW MeMBershIP For sale - 95,000 baht including transfer fee. Gives access to 4 18 hole courses. Contact John on 083 313 6770.

aUto: 3 Wheels & lesshoNda cBr 250cc Candy Apple Red, 4000 km, registered Dec 2012. Price 85,000 or very near offer. Please call 081 817 3000YaMaha FINo BlUe and white 20 months old 7,800 km 25,000 baht. Call 081 817 3000

aUto: 4 Wheels PlUsNIssaN, sIlVer MetallIc, like new, MARCH 1200 cc, 79kW, automatic, first date 6/2012, tax and insurance paid, accident-free (100%), only 35,000 km, long distances, all inspections, 1 driver, non-smoker, best conditions, 5.8 l / 100 km, original price 620,000 BAHT, selling price 50% = 310,000 BAHT, basis for negotiable, for more information please call 080 773 5496 in North Cha-Am Beach.hoNda crV 2013. 2.0 registered January 2013. Crystal black pearl with full cream leather interior. Excellent condition throughout with only one owner from new. No accident. Full Honda (Hua Hin) service history. Only 11,700 kms to date. Climate control, CD player, Bluetooth, electric seats, electric door mirrors, Audio & video on reverse etc etc. Paid THB 1,300,000 but will accept THB 890,000 ono for quick sale. Tel: 0833 120 076 QUINN, email: [email protected] Jazz 1.5 Vtec in black, excellent all round condition. Top of the range model, with 7-speed automatic/manual transmission. One owner from new, full Honda service history with invoices. First reg July 2007, travelled only 59,000 km. Taxed to July 2015, Class 1 insurance with AXA to 22 May 2015, fully transferable at no cost. 325,000 baht ono. Please call Tony on 085 224 2095

PlacINg a classIFIed WIth aWolAll adverts are free except adverts for Property For Rent or Sale, Business or Services and Auto.Free ads will be included for at least four weeks automatically. Please use our online Classifieds to enhance your chances of a successful ad.OPTION 1: register or log in at www.awolonline.net/classifieds and place your advert there; OPTION 2: email to [email protected]; OPTION 3: write the details clearly in BLOCK capitals on paper and deliver to staff at all Nations hua hin, dechanuchit road. The deadline for guaranteed inclusion in that week’s issue is 6pm on Tuesday. Please notify us if your advert is no longer needed.

BUsINess aNd serVIcesRates: Up to 50 words: 500 baht for 4 issues, 1000 baht for 13 issues. Additional words charged at 20 baht per word. Example: 60 words charged at 500 plus (10 x 20)=700 baht for 4 issues, or 1000 plus (10 x 20)=1200 for 13 issues.Please note that paid ads placed online can have up to 750 words and 3 images depending on which plan is selected.

aUtoRates: Items priced up to 10,000 baht, 13 issues for 500 baht. Items priced over 10,000 baht, 13 issues for 1000 baht. Maximum 50 words for all ads; unpriced items pay the higher rate.

ProPertY For sale or reNt OPTION 1: fixed fee and/or commission deal with ads in the paper, online and at the Lucky Real Estate office. Contact [email protected] or [email protected] for details.OPTION 2: Rates: Same as for Business and Services above. Will feature in both printed and online classifieds.

Contact [email protected] for further information or to place an advert.

HELP NEEDED FOR THE SLUMS IN HUA HIN

We are working to help the Slums of Hua Hin and would love to have you deliver your goods with us, so you know your donation is going directly to those

who need it. We need secondhand items, clothes and household goods.Why not join us and come to the slums with us?

We leave from our offices at 17:20 Every Tuesday evening. Visit us any day, on Soi 88, over the railway, 200m up on the left, 2nd floor above IQ hair dressers

Facebook@Power of Love ChurchTel K. Andrew 080 999 3603 K. Panaya 092 592 3604 (Thai)(Services every Sunday 10 am at Hilton Resort and Spa)

Power Of Love Church

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ProPertY For salelaNd For sale 1 rai (1600sq mtr) level building block in Tab Tai with mountain views. Green Chanot (title). (16km/23min) from Market Village. Power, water and concrete road 50 metres. 2.5 metre concrete and wire fence on one side. Dual access front and back to public roads. Flood free overlooking Sam Phan Nam stream. 1.5 million thai baht. Call Ian 0888946100Best sea VIeW condo in Khao Takiab for sale. 63.5 sqm, corner unit, 2 bed, 2 bath, with unobstructed sea and golf course view. See pictures on www.409bvv.weebly.com, Price 5.5 m baht, just reduced!. Contact owner on 086 166 9880 or email via website.Pool VIllas oN small development at great prices in Hua Hin; from 3.49m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.FUllY FUrNIshed VIlla 3 bed off Canal Road; 5.7m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.eUroPeaN stYle VIlla, 3 bed, 2 bath between Hua Hin and Cha Am; 5.2m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.stUNNINg l shaPed Borfai bungalow; 9.9m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.large BUNgaloW Near town centre; 4.5m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.VIlla oN large plot near Cha Am; 3.5m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.Pool VIllas oN small development at great prices in Hua Hin; from 3.49m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.BeaUtIFUl NeW hoUses on quiet project;from 3m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.attractIVe hoUse oN small gated village; 3.6m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.delIghtFUl sMall hoUse in Hua Hin; just 1.8m baht. Go to luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.FoUr Bed VIlla On Stilts 4.9m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.FUllY FUrNIshed VIlla 3 bed off Canal Road; 5.7m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.Pool VIlla oVerlookINg lake in Hua Hin, 2 bed; 6.9m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

large hoUse/laNd Near Palm Hills, 4 bed; 4.5m baht.Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.BeaUtIFUl tWo storeY house in Hua Hin; 12.5 m baht. Go to www.awolonline.net/property or luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771 for details.

ProPertY WaNtedI aM lookINg for a 3 bedroom villa on a secure private, completed development, with a swimming pool, close to Hua Hin and the beach, budget no more than 5m baht. For sale by the owner only. Contact 080 100 4194loNg terM reNtal properties wanted, particularly pool villas in good areas. Please contact Lucky Real Estate on 089 530 8771 or [email protected]

coMMercIal ProPertYceNtrallY located gUesthoUse for sale. Please contact 089 530 8771 for details.sUNrIse coast coMMercIal properties - we have a variety of land, resorts and other commercial opportunities available in the Bang Saphan area. Contact 089 530 8771 for details.

ProPertY For reNtFor reNt oNe bedroom single houses, fully furnished with a/c unit in bedroom. Ten units available at Baan Skaarstein opposite temple in Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin. Rent negotiable depending on length of stay. Contact: Jim 085 744 5758 or Aon 095 675 3540 (Thai)For reNt tWo bedroom bungalow in Baan Suksabai Soi 102. 3 a/c units. Rent negotiable depending on length of stay. Call for viewing Jim: 089 910 3199, Nok: 085 744 5758 or Aon: 095 675 3540UNFUrNIshed detached 2 bed, 2 bath bungalow with undercover carport & gardens on secured quiet beachside complex close to airport. use of two swimming pools, gym and private access to beach. 10,000bht. per month, negotiable. min. one year contract. Please call David on 092 927 7207 or email [email protected] for more information.toWNhoUse For reNt, available from Dec 1st, 2 bedroom in soi behind Grand Hotel. Call for viewing appointment 089 024 7731loVelY hoUse For rent on Palm Hills golf course; 20,000 baht per month (min. 6 months). More details on www.luckyhuahin.com or call 089 530 8771

SALES AND RENTALSNEW DEVELOPMENTS - PRE-OWNED HOMESCONDOS & APARTMENTS - VILLAS & HOUSES

RESORTS - BUSINESSES - LAND

Contact: Tel.: 082 298 0500E-mail: [email protected]

Website: luckyhuahin.com

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UseFUl NUMBers

Police 191 Crime 195 Fire 199 Traffic Control Centre 197 Highway Police 1193 Tourist Police 1699 Tourist Service Centre 1155 Missing Persons 02 282 1815 Hua Hin Police Station 032 511 027Hua Hin Tourist Police 032 516 219Cha-Am Police Station 032 471 321 Bangkok Hospital Hua Hin 1719Hua Hin Hospital 032 511 743San Paulo Hospital 032 532 576 to 585Hua Hin Red Cross 032 512 567Hua Hin Municipality 032 532433Hua Hin Tessabahn 032 511 047 Hua Hin Immigration Of. 032 520 616Hua Hin Bus Terminal (non air-con) 032 511 230(air-con) 032 511654, 512543Hua Hin Railway Station 032 511 073Tourist Information 032 513 885Hua Hin Electricity 032 512 215Electricity Call Centre 1129Hua Hin Water 032 511 677TOT 032 519 000/001 TT&T 032 532 018CAT 032 511 350Alcholics Anonymous 0870 620 098Narcotics Anonymous 084 314 1928

local coNsUlar rePreseNtatIVes

CANADIAN Rick Pomerleau 087 153 3817or e-mail on [email protected] Mr. Sipi Siljamaeki 087-911 8119or e-mail: [email protected] Mr. Christopher Byrd 081-173 4469or e-mail: [email protected]

mONeY &INFORmaTION

oVerseas calls INForMatIoN

REVERSE CHARGE CALLSThe list below is the free number you need to call to connect to an operator of that country to request the reverse charge call.ARGENTINA 001-999-54-1000/ 2000AUSTRALIA 001-999-61-1000/2000AUSTRIA 001-800-28787421BAHRAIN 001-999-973-1000 BRUNEI 001-999-673-1000CANADA 001-999-15-1000/2000DENMARK 001-999-45-1000FRANCE 001-999-33-1000GERMANY 001-999-49-1000 HAWAII 001-800-865-8424 HONG KONG 001-999-852-1086INDONESIA 001-999-62-1000/2000ISRAEL 001-999-972-1000/ 2000ITALY 001-999-39-1000 JAPAN 001-999-811-0051KOREA 001-999-82-1000/2000/2001 MACAU 001-999-853-1000MALAYSIA 001-999-60-1000/4000/4001MALTA 001-999-356-1000MEXICO 001-999-52-1000 NEPAL 001-800-977-1-9999 NETHERLANDS 001-999-31-1035 NEW ZEALAND 001-999-64-1066PHILIPPINES 001-999-63-1000/3000/6000PORTUGAL 001-999-351-1000RUSSIA 001-999-7-1000 SINGAPORE 001-999-65-0000/2008SOUTH AFRICA 001-999-27-1000 SPAIN 001-999-34-1066TAIWAN 001-999-886-1000U.A.E. 001-999-971-1000 U.K. 001-999-44-1066U.S.A. 001-999-1-1111/2001/2002

AWOL would like to thank the staff at CAT in Hua Hin for providing the above numbers.

FREE CALLSIf your mobile phone or device and that of the person you are calling supports it, you can use a number of apps to make free calls anywhere, with the best known being Skype and Viber.

CHEAP CALLSThe mobile phone operators offer special numbers to prefix an international number to get cheap rate international calls. More information call

True 1331 AIS 1175 DTAC 1678

exchaNge rates (19-11-14)TT Buying rateCURRENCY BAHTUS Dollar 32.66Pound Sterling 50.87Euro 40.78Japanese Yen 27.84Malaysian Ringgit 9.18Singapore Dollar 25.01Brunei Dollar 24.26Chinese Yuan 5.33Indonesian Rupiah 2.50Indian Rupee 0.48Korean Won 0.03Australian Dollar 28.24New Zealand Dollar 25.62Swiss Franc 33.92Danish Krone 5.48Norwegian Krone 4.82Swedish Krona 4.41Canadian Dollar 28.71UAE Dirham 7.30Bahrain Dinar 63.11Omani Rial 62.26Qatar Riyal 7.18

AWOL makes no warranties, express or implied, regarding these rates and shall not be liable for any losses or damages incurred in connection with them.

crYPtIc crossWord solUtIoN

local radIo

HUA HIN SKYWEB 98.25 FM and online at www.huahinskywebradio.com featuring English DJ.Phil Keekuee from 11am - 1pm and 4 - 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am - 2pm and 3 - 6pm Saturdays

YOUR aD heRe FROm ฿66 a WeekCall 081 649 8361

Email [email protected]

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TO hUllaND Back

mags meanderings: from som tam to mushy peas

SnaiLS BEFORE SWinELooking for a gift for that special someone? Look no further. These two little gems came to my attention just the other day.The first - bacon flavoured massage oil - may not appeal to all faiths. But you have to admit that it sounds like a winner. available on amazon it could certainly liven up breakfast times, giving a whole new meaning to breakfast in bed, although there is no indication as to whether it is produced smoked or unsmoked, and as we all know some people are very fussy about their bacon.The second offering is quite frankly bizarre by comparison. Last week i mentioned all the retail ads which land in my inbox, and one of those retailers is the popular uk high Street supplier of health foods holland and Barrett. it’s the place to go for your cod liver oil capsules, pitted prunes and all things herbal.This time though holland and Barrett have surpassed themselves by offering gift packs of snail gel beauty products. For just 40 pounds - or around 2000 Baht - you get snail gel hand and nail elixir, snail gel facial serum, and the mysterious sounding ‘original snail gel.’ (probably best not to confuse that with the bacon massage oil.)all snail products are of course organic, and are derived from a ‘unique substance’ which snails produce to regenerate and protect their shells and skin. This ‘remarkable secretion’ is blended with other natural products to help soothe and moisturise the skin.i realise that we women are prone to trying all kinds of miracle skin products which promise eternal youth. Some even get quite nasty substances injected into their wrinkles. But i honestly can’t see snail gel flying off the shelves, can you?You might fancy a coffee now to help you recover from visions of snail gel on the bathroom shelf. Which brings us to this weeks word - ‘barista’. With the huge rise in Starbucks world wide, plus all its very similar big brand rivals, ‘barista’ has become a quite common word to describe those who serve up our caffeine shots.

Back in my hua hin days a leisurely break now and then during shopping trips provided an excuse for a relaxing half hour or so just watching the world go by. Whether in Bon Cafe - which was on naebkerhardt Rd in a lovely old wooden building, or at one of those mobile sidewalk huts serving 20 baht shots of thick black stuff.Some things don’t change, and the same routine is followed here in the uk, (where coffee consumption now exceeds that of tea) except that now we are served by Baristas. Which means that as well as being trained to drive the coffee machines provided, they are also adept at adding the frothy milk, and should be able to make pretty patterns on the top of that milk.Rather like our bartenders used to be able to make the shape of a shamrock on top of a pint of Guinness, (now sadly a dying art) the word ‘barista’ is in fact derived from the italian for bartender.

Dream Guesthouse

Cheap room for rent from just 350 baht

0915094729 Th/Eng 0805626735 Swe/EngSoi 94 (1st left after 7-11)

All articles are published in good faith and based on information available to us at publication. Some articles are satire or ‘spoof’ stories intended as humour. No responsibility is accepted other than that stipulated by law. Although the information in this publication has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, AWOL cannot guarantee accuracy in all cases. Any opinions expressed are those of the contributor and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher.All materials copyright. All rights reserved and no part of this

publication may be reproduced in part or in full without the previous written consent of the publisher. Neither can any part be stored in a retrieval situation, nor transmitted by electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or any other means.AWOL is printed by Petchpoom Printing, and we can be contacted on [email protected] or 081 614 8728. Please send any other communications to Mrs Chukamol James, Managing Director, AWOL Co. Ltd., 136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Mooban Borfai, Hua Hin, Prachuap Kiri Khan, 7110, THAILAND.

dIsclaIMer

GeT NOTIceD!An advert in

aWOl is the best and cheapest

way to reach your customers

18



BallOON chaseRs

parties, special deals, regular events, celebrations and more; to get it in aWOL email [email protected]/chrIstMas/NeW Year

TERRaCE 90, Soi 90; 27th november Thanksgiving Buffet from 5pm 650 baht (450 for under 12s). See full details on page 7.COCO BEaCh CLuB, naresdamri Road; 27th november at 4pm Thanksgiving Day Buffet 690 baht. (reservations, call 032 908080 after 4.30pm)receNtlY added aNd coMINg sooN

SaY ChEESE GuESThOuSE/RESTauRanT, amuaysin Road; Live Jazz every Monday 7 - 10.30pmThE aDMiRaL BaR & GRiLL, Damnoernkasem Road; Every month The Comedy Club - contact venue for details and ticketsDREaM RESTauRanT & BaR, Soi 88; Every Friday from 6pm Buffet featuring Swedish, Thai and European food, just 279 baht. also have pizzas and kebabs.aLL in hua hin, Srasong Road; 6 - 9 novemberFest with special beers and prices.regUlar eVeNts

Baan SiLapin aRTiST ViLLaGE, pala u Road; Jazz Jam Session every Sunday from 7pm.BOBBY’S BaR, Soi 102.; Free Bar B que every Friday from 5pm. when spend 180 bt. Sunday Roast - spend 200 baht on drinks and get it free!. British Breakfast all day, Only 99 bt. CapTain DOuGS, khao Takiab; Every Friday from 7pm BBq plus a beer just 300 baht.DiZZY DOLphin, Soi Samorphong; happy hour every day from 1 - 7pm - Samsong + mixer 40 baht, Wine 55 baht, large domestic beers 65 baht JOhnnY’S 56, Soi Selekam/poolsuk; Last Thursday

every month fun pub quiz from around 7.30pm.JuST LikE MOM’S, Soi Wat khao noi (near Dinosaur Market); everyday different daily special 110 baht - with mash,vegetable and dinner roll. Breakfasts from 8.30am.SMOR Spa ViLLaGE, khao Takiab; Every other Saturday from 7pm indian Buffet Dinner plus live music - all you can eat for 350 baht; reservations 032 536 800SunSET BOuLEVaRD, khao Takiab; periodic Tuesday all video fun pub quiz. Food available. Bookings recommended. Call Mike 084 376 9438. ThE FaT CaT, naresdamri Road; Live Jazz every day (except Sunday) from 7 to 9 pm. Old songs played on cornet and double bass, plus special jazz food menu.Tk ROaDhOuSE, khao Takiab; Monthly pub quiz; pie & a Beer 150 ThB special during the football. unCLE BRYn’S (2km past palm hills north along klong road. Turn left and 200m on left.); Large Chang 53 baht, large Leo 55 baht. Open daily 7am-10pm. 085 405 6976 (T) 080 197 2072(E)uRBan FuZiOn, Soi 61; happy hour every day 3 to 8pm; Beer Buckets - 5 local beers 350 baht; Daily specials.BrItIsh stYle sUNdaY roasts:

Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102Chaaam pub & Restaurant Coco Beach Club, naresdamri Road (reservations, call 032 908080 after 4.30pm)hua hin Miss You, Soi 80Jungle Juice, Soi SelekamLin’s Cafe, phetkasem Road between Sois 80/78Orchid Restaurant 94, Soi 94palm Bistro, Soi 88 (032 828144)Seajays Resort, off pala-u Road. 083 311 1787Ye Olde Buffalo Tavern, Chomsin RdZab Wer, Soi 112.

get an insight to the happenings in and around the area

The hOlIDaYs aRe cOmING!Make sure to get your Thanksgiving,

Christmas or New year offer, or your special offers on drinks, or parties into Balloon

Chasers in plenty of time. it’s FrEE, so what have you got to lose?

send your information to [email protected]

19

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hUa hIN GOlFcha aM golF clUB

Contact: [email protected] December CGC Tournament

lake VIeW MeMBers clUB

14TH NOVEMBER 2014 AB Individual Stableford1st Rodger Teasdale (17) 31 pts2nd Mike O’Brien (16) 30 pts3rd Mike Knight (15) 30 pts4th Doug East (13) 30 pts 17TH NOVEMBER 2014 AB Individual Stableford1st Rodger Teasdale (17) 39 pts2nd Craig Miller (4) 36 pts3rd Reto Vorburger (5) 35 pts4th Mike Knight (15) 34 pts 19TH NOVEMBER 2014 AB Team Stableford1st Craig Miller (4) & Doug East (13) 47pts2nd Steve O’Brien (15) & Mike O’Brien (16) 47pts3rd Peter Tucker (12) & Mike Knight (15) 43 pts4th Reto Vorburger (5) & Greg Smith (18) 40 pts

FIXTURESLake View every Monday, Wednesday, Friday

hUa hIN golF socIetY

RESULTS18TH NOVEMBER 2014Springfield A + B Stableford 42 enteredA group: 1st Andrew McDermott 37 pts (09) 2nd Darren Sellars 35 pts (12)3rd Boom Schroeder 35 pts (13)4th Pekka Hogman 35 pts (14)B group: 1st ‘Kurre’ Westerling 35 pts (20)2nd Bernard Morgan 34 pts (29)3rd Michael Sherlock 33 pts (19)4th Marjorie Sherlock 33 pts (33)

14TH NOVEMBER 2014Lake View C - D Medal/Stableford 28 enteredA group (Medal): 1st Thomas Pagden 72 - 01 = 712nd Daniel Bechu 80 - 07 = 733rd Huub Korver 82 - 07 = 754th Chuck Carriere 89 - 12 = 77B group: 1st Ian Strathearn 32 pts (16)2nd Robert Bird 32 pts (16)3rd ‘Kurre’ Westerling 31 pts (20)4th James Barber 30 pts (27)

FORTHCOMING FIXTURES25th November 2014 Banyan 4 Man Waltz28th November 2014 Royal Ratchaburi Stabelford

BUtterFlY rock golF socIetYRESULTS17TH NOVEMBER 2014Lake View AB Stableford 25 entered1st Gerry Paget 38 pts (07)2nd John Anstee 38 pts (22)3rd Richard Hooi 37 pts (11)4th Alan Simpson 37 pts (13)

12TH NOVEMBER 2014Banyan Stableford 17 entered1st Trevor Sherrington 38 pts (15)2nd Phil Knight 38 pts (10)3rd Ronnie Thorley 35 pts (20)4th Mick Mace 35 pts (18)

UPCOMING FIXTURES24th November 2014 Lakeview C&D Stableford26th November 2014 Black Mountain Stableford28th November 2014 Lakeview A&B StablefordroBIN’s roll UP

Held every Friday at Palm Hills. Thanks to Robin Heath for organising and results. Please contact Robin on [email protected] if you are interested in playing. Results appear here when available.

MaJestIc creek MeMBers clUB

No results this week

across8 Success, or the failure before this (8)9 A psychotic motel owner lets up (6)10 Walks made person fit (10)11 Superior neighbor taking part in robberies (4)12 Be unwell after animal attack (6)14 Hitch-hiker’s request for a tonic? (4-2-2)15 Keeps turning nastier (7)17 Early missionary or saint in a European setting (7)20 Dagger procuring end of Becket in T. S. Eliot play (8)22 Number one trapper in New York (6)24 A social worker I opposed (4)25 A sort of tender name? (10)27 Most rational form of assent (6)28 Beasts overturning legislation by trickery (8)

cRYpTIc cROssWORDThe solution is on page 16

doWN1 Cat, losing direction, is found in Asian river (6)2 False introduction to stage by bad actor (4)3 An American statesman, open about nothing (8)4 Crime’s delays? (4-3)5 Astronomical measurement of radiation’s source in space warp (6)6 Film star injures Greek hero, according to Spooner (5,5)7 Left-over rail used in construction (8)13 Always a lofty newspaper? (2,3,5)16 European head of state entertained by English college student (8)18 The highest point left in a boat (8)19 Contemptible information (7)21 Proceeded to enter Tchaikovsky’s first and last score (6)23 Row about Northern Ireland becoming less significant (6)26 Alum ground with heavy hammer (4)

20



LUCKY SHOT BARHua Hin’s only pool bar with FOUR 9’ tablesAsk about our drinks specials

and other special offers Contact Andy on 086 178 1550

Email: [email protected]/3 Poolsuk Road, Hua Hin

hUa hIN Pool BIllIard leagUe

RESULTS Week 8 14th November 2014Chang Boom Boom v Lucky Shot B n/aClansmen v no game Hua Hin Miss You (6) 1 - 7 (19) Maria Bar 1 Lucky Shot A (14) 4 - 4 (10) Jaew Bar Lucky Shot Maria (13) 5 - 3 (11) Infinity Bar Pa’s Beer Gdn (17) 6 - 2 (12) TK Roadhouse 2 Pistol Petes v Coopers Beer Garden n/aTK Roadhouse 1 (17) 7 - 1 (6) Aussie Bar

LEAGUE TABLEteam P W d l +/- PtsPistol Petes 6 6 0 0 32 12Chang Bm Bm 6 6 0 0 22 12Lucky St Maria 7 6 0 1 20 12Lucky Shot A 8 6 0 2 14 12Maria Bar 1 8 4 1 3 12 9TK R’dhouse 1 8 4 1 3 4 9Clansmen 7 4 1 2 2 9Pa’s Beer Grden 8 3 2 3 6 8TK R’dhouse 2 8 4 0 4 2 8Infinity Bar 8 3 1 4 -6 7Lucky Shot B 6 3 0 3 4 6Jaew Bar 7 1 0 6 -16 2Coopers Br Gdn 6 1 0 5 -24 2Aussie Bar 7 0 0 7 -24 0HHin Miss You 8 0 0 8 -48 0

FIXTURESWeek 9 21st November 2014Aussie Bar v Hua Hin Miss You Chang Boom Boom v Lucky Shot Maria Coopers Beer Garden v Clansmen Jaew Bar v Infinity Bar Lucky Shot B v Pistol Petes Maria Bar 1 v Pa’s Beer Garden TK Roadhouse 2 v Lucky Shot A TK Roadhouse 1 - no game

Week 10 28th November 2014Clansmen v Lucky Shot B Hua Hin Miss You - no game Infinity Bar v TK Roadhouse 2 Lucky Shot A v Maria Bar 1 Lucky Shot Maria v Jaew Bar Pa’s Beer Garden v Aussie Bar Pistol Petes v Chang Boom Boom TK Roadhouse 1 v Coopers Beer Garden

thUrsdaY FrIeNdlY Pool leagUe

RESULTSWeek 9 13th November 2014Dara Bar 13 - 5 Coopers Beer Garden Hua Hin Miss You 6 - 12 Clansmen Hut Bar 10 - 8 Chill Chill Jaew Bar 7 - 11 Casanova’s Monica’s Bar 8 - 10 Squealing Pig No match - Bar 80 Saloon, Maria Bar, Pistol Pete’s

LEAGUE TABLEteam P W d l +/- PtsClansmen 7 7 0 0 58 106Maria Bar 7 6 0 1 40 93Dara Bar 8 6 0 2 12 90Pistol Petes 7 5 1 1 20 84Squealing Pig 8 4 1 3 6 84Monica’s Bar 7 3 0 4 6 72Hut Bar 7 3 1 3 -18 61Chill Chill 7 2 0 5 -14 60Coopers Br Gdn 7 1 1 5 -18 57HHin Miss You 8 1 1 6 -38 56Casanova’s 7 1 2 4 -28 53Jaew Bar 6 1 1 4 -8 51Bar 80 Saloon 6 1 2 3 -18 49

FIXTURESWeek 11 27th November 2014Hua Hin Miss You v Dara Bar Jaew Bar v Bar 80 Saloon Maria Bar v Clansmen Monica’s Bar v Casanova’s Pistol Petes v Chill ChillNo match - Coopers Beer Garden, Hut Bar, Squealing Pig

hUa hIN khao takIaB sUPer Pool leagUe RESULTSWeek 13 13th November 2014Beach Hut 11 - 9 JJ Sport Bar Bobby’s Birds 13 - 7 Muan Bar 1 JNB Bar v Jungle Juice n/aLek Bar 9 - 11 TK Roadhouse Maria Bar 15 - 5 Somatch (3D + 1) Bar Muan Bar 2 14 - 6 Salute Bar My Way Bar 9 - 11 Exotic Bar Sasa Bar 8 - 12 Chon Bar Soda Bar v Bobby’s Boys n/aTK Roadies 9 - 11 Lanla Bar

FIXTURES Week 15 27th November 2014Beach Hut v TK Roadhouse Bobby’s Boys v Salute Bar JNB Bar v JJ Sport Bar Lek Bar v Bobby’s Birds Maria Bar v Exotic Bar Muan Bar 2 v Lanla Bar My Way Bar v Chon Bar Sasa Bar v Muan Bar 1 Soda Bar v Somatch (3D + 1) Bar TK Roadies v Jungle Juice

LEAGUE TABLEteam P W l +/- PtsMuan Bar 2 13 12 1 84 172Maria Bar 13 9 3 64 162TK Roadhouse 13 10 2 64 162Lanla Bar 13 11 2 56 158TK Roadies 13 9 3 50 155Beach Hut 13 7 6 -2 129JNB Bar 11 7 3 30 125Bobby’s Boys 12 7 3 10 125Jungle Juice 12 5 3 4 122Muan Bar 1 13 3 7 -20 120Bobby’s Birds 12 5 6 -6 117Somatch Bar 12 5 6 -8 116Exotic Bar 12 6 6 -14 113JJ Sport Bar 12 4 7 -16 112Lek Bar 12 3 8 -24 108Chon Bar 12 3 8 -32 104Sasa Bar 12 3 9 -36 102Salute Bar 13 1 8 -60 100Soda Bar 12 2 9 -56 92My Way Bar 13 0 12 -88 86

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hUa hIN/khao takIaB FUN Pool leagUe

RESULTS Week 1 19th November 2014Beach Hut Bar 15 - 3 Aussie Bar Bobby’s Bangers 9 - 9 Bobby’s Beauties Casanova’s 7 - 11 The Bridge Clansman 14 - 4 Sunset Boulevard Dara’s Bar 9 - 9 Saloon Bar 80 Jaew Bar 4 - 14 Pistol Pete’s Maria’s Bar 8 - 10 Muan Bar Monica’s 7 - 11 The Squealing Pig TK Roadhouse 11 - 7 TK Roadies

LEAGUE TABLEteam P W d l +/- PtsBeach Hut Bar 1 1 0 0 12 2Clansman 1 1 0 0 10 2Pistol Pete’s 1 1 0 0 10 2TK Roadhouse 1 1 0 0 4 2The Bridge 1 1 0 0 4 2Squealing Pig 1 1 0 0 4 2Muan Bar 1 1 0 0 2 2Bobbys Bngers 1 0 1 0 0 1Bobbys B’ties 1 0 1 0 0 1Dara’s Bar 1 0 1 0 0 1Saloon Bar 80 1 0 1 0 0 1Maria’s Bar 1 0 0 1 -2 0Casanova’s 1 0 0 1 -4 0Monica’s 1 0 0 1 -4 0TK Roadies 1 0 0 1 -4 0Jaew Bar 1 0 0 1 -10 0Sunset B’vard 1 0 0 1 -10 0Aussie Bar 1 0 0 1 -12 0

FIXTURESWeek 2 26th November 2014Aussie Bar v Bobby’s Bangers Bobby’s Beauties v TK Roadhouse Muan Bar v Monica’s Pistol Pete’s v Maria’s Bar Saloon Bar 80 v Jaew Bar Sunset Boulevard v Dara’s Bar The Bridge v Clansman The Squealing Pig v Beach Hut Bar TK Roadies v Casanova’s

hUa hIN socIal Pool leagUe

RESULTSWeek 13 19th November 2014Jungle Juice B 10 - 9 All Nations GH King Bar A 11 - 8 JW Red Limelight 9 - 10 Buckleys Pink Panther 12 - 7 Jungle Juice A Sabai 12 - 7 Chon Bar Tiger Bar 12 - 7 King Bar B No match - JW Black

LEAGUE TABLEteam P W l +/- PtsPink Panther 12 11 1 60 22Buckleys 12 10 2 44 20Jungle Juice B 12 10 2 34 20Limelight 12 9 3 44 18King Bar A 12 9 3 8 18All Nations GH 12 7 5 8 14Jungle Juice A 12 6 6 -4 12Sabai 12 5 7 -4 10Tiger Bar 12 3 9 -24 6JW Red 12 3 9 -26 6JW Black 12 3 9 -40 6King Bar B 12 1 11 -42 2Chon Bar 12 1 11 -58 2

FIXTURES Week 14 26th November 2014All Nations GH v Jungle Juice B Buckleys v Limelight Chon Bar v Sabai Jungle Juice A v Pink Panther JW Red v King Bar A King Bar B v Tiger Bar No match - JW Black

cha aM Pool leagUe

hUa hIN/khao takIaB ladIes Pool leagUe

RESULTS Week 20 17th November 2014JJ Sports Bar 4 - 8 Dara Bar Jaew Bar 4 - 8 TK Roadhouse Monicas 4 - 8 The Squealing Pig Muan Bar 7 - 5 The Clansmen Pistol Pete’s 5 - 7 Sunset Boulevard Railway Tavern 8 - 4 Somatch (3D+1) Bar Sa Sa Bar v Salute Bar n/a

FIXTURES Week 21 24th November 2014Bobby’s Birds v Monicas Dara Bar v JNB Bar Jaew Bar v JJ Sports Bar Somatch (3D+1) Bar v Sa Sa Bar Sunset Boulevard v Railway Tavern The Clansmen v Pistol Pete’s The Squealing Pig v Muan Bar TK Roadhouse v Salute Bar

LEAGUE TABLEteam P W d l +/- PtsMuan Bar 20 18 0 2 98 36Railway Tavern 20 16 1 3 52 33Sunset B’vard 20 13 1 6 24 27Squealing Pig 20 11 3 6 32 25Dara Bar 20 11 3 6 18 25Pistol Pete’s 20 11 1 8 8 23The Clansmen 20 8 4 8 18 20Sa Sa Bar 19 9 2 8 -2 20Bobby’s Birds 19 9 2 8 -10 20TK Roadhouse 20 9 1 10 -6 19Jaew Bar 20 7 2 11 -16 16JNB Bar 19 4 4 11 -28 12JJ Sports Bar 19 5 1 13 -38 11Monicas 19 2 6 11 -60 10Somatch Bar 20 3 3 14 -30 9Salute Bar 17 1 4 12 -60 6

RESULTSWeek 11 13th November 201469-Sixtynine Bar 3 - 3 Cha Cha Bar1 Butterfly bar 2 3 - 3 My-Bar Cha Cha Bar2 5 - 3 Pim Bar blue lagoon 3 - 3 Butterfly Bar 1

FIXTURESWeek 13 27th November 2014blue lagoon v 69-Sixtynine Bar Butterfly bar 2 v Cha Cha Bar1 Cha Cha Bar2 v Butterfly Bar 1 My-Bar v Pim Bar

LEAGUE TABLEteaM P W d l +/- PtsCha Cha Bar1 10 6 2 2 16 14My-Bar 10 2 5 3 -8 9Pim Bar 10 5 3 2 8 13Cha Cha Bar2 10 4 4 2 14 1269 Bar 10 1 6 3 -6 8Butterfly Bar 1 10 2 6 2 -4 10Butterfly bar 2 10 0 8 2 -6 8blue lagoon 10 0 6 4 -14 6

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hUa hIN darts leagUe

RESULTS The season is over.

LEAGUE TABLEteaM P W d l +/- PtsJungle Juice 18 16 0 2 172 32CAT Jiggapik 17 15 0 2 174 30URS TREFF 17 14 0 3 168 28URS TREFF 2 17 10 1 6 18 21The Clansmen 16 7 2 7 -44 16HHin Miss You 1 17 7 1 9 -52 15O’Neills 18 6 0 12 -52 12Johnny’s 56 18 6 0 12 -72 12Robin’s Rest 17 3 0 14 -106 6Chill Chill Bar 17 0 0 17 -206 0

FIXTURES Details of the new league will appear here when available.Season summary: League Winners: Cat JiggapikRunners up: Jungle Juice Cup Winners: Jungle JuiceRunners up: URS TREFF 1 Singles Winner: Golf URS TREFF 1Runner up: David Hughes Jungle Juice There will be a meeting to discuss the next season on 25th (Tuesday) Nov. at Hua hin Miss You Bar soi 80.

hash hoUse harrIers - a drINkINg clUB WIth a rUNNINg aNd WalkINg ProBleM!

The Cha-Am and Hua Hin Hash House Harrier Clubs meet alternate Saturdays for around an hours run/walk in the countryside followed by a social gathering. If you would like to come along then visit the new single website at http://www.h2h3-cah3.com or Facebook at www.facebook.com/H2H3CAH3 for full details and directions. People attending and participating do so entirely at their own risk.NEXT RUN Saturday 22nd November 2014 @ 4.00 pmCha-Am H3 Run #244Location: Near the Springfield Golf Course, Route 1001. Google Map link: https://goo.gl/maps/XnfgOGPS Coordinates: N 12.723681, E 099.887141 (N 12 43.421, E 099 53.228).From Hua Hin or Cha-Am via the By-pass Google Map Link https://goo.gl/maps/XnfgOMake your way to the Springfield Road Road (Route 1001) located between Km Markers 10 & 11. From Hua Hin turn LEFT, from Cha-Am turn RIGHT, and then continue on Route 1001 for 3.5 km and turn RIGHT at HHH sign and continue a further 2-300 m to run siteFrom Hua Hin or Cha-Am via Phet Kasem RoadMake your way to the Springfield Road (Route 1001) located between the 201 & 202 km marker. From Hua Hin turn LEFT, from Cha-Am turn RIGHT after making a U-turn and then continue on Route 1001 to the by-pass. Cross over with care and follow directions as above.HARES – Old Macdonald & Quick Micky Mou..ON ON ON: The Thai Kitchen situated close to Silpakorn University.Fees: Male Drinkers ฿200, Female Drinkers ฿150, Teetotalers ฿100, kids ฿50, under 8’s Free. Your effort to bring the CORRECT change would be very much appreciated.

hUa hIN cItY F.c

RESULTSCHAMPIONS LEAGUE GROUP A4TH OCTOBER 2014 Prachuap FC 5 - 1 Hua Hin City25TH OCTOBER 2014 Hua Hin City 3 - 0 Prachin Buri2ND NOVEMBER 2014 Hua Hin City 2 - 0 Udon Thani FC9TH NOVEMBER 2014 BCC-Tero 2 - 0 Hua Hin City15TH NOVEMBER 2014 Hua Hin City 3 - 1 FC Phichit

FIXTURESCHAMPIONS LEAGUE GROUP A22ND NOVEMBER 2014 Phichit FC v Hua Hin City26TH NOVEMBER 2014 Hua Hin City v BCC-Tero 30TH NOVEMBER 2014 Udon Thani FC v Hua Hin City7TH DECEMBER 2014 Prachin Buri v Hua Hin City14TH DECEMBER 2014 Hua Hin City v Prachuap FC

One of our readers, Kevin, is organising transport to some of these games; if you are interested please call him on 085 185 0297

THAI DIVISION 2 REGIONAL LEAGUECHAMPIONS LEAGUE GROUP A TABLEteaM P W d l gd PtsPrachuap 5 3 0 2 2 9BCC Tero 5 3 0 2 2 9Hua Hin City 5 3 0 2 1 9Phichit 5 2 0 3 0 6Udon Thani 5 2 0 3 -2 6Prachin Utd 5 2 0 3 -3 6

Hua Hin City Football Club is the local professional team for the area formed in 2011. They currently play their home matches at the Kai Tanarat Stadium in Pranburi.

ImpORTaNT NOTIce TO OUR cha am ReaDeRs

Due to problems finding a partner to distribute AWOL in Cha Am, we are sorry to announce that AWOL will no longer be

available there for the forseeable future.The closest distribution points will now be Go Kart Hua Hin at

Soi 2 and the Immigration Office in Soi 19/35.If anyone is interested in distributing AWOL in Cha Am, please

contact us on 081 649 8361

AWOL will still be available online of course, so anyone who is struggling to get hold of a printed copy can read or download the digital issue from either the AWOL website (www.awolonline.net) or via Facebook, Issuu, JooMag or MediaFire. You can also join our email subscription service which will notify you (with

a link) when the latest AWOL is available.

23

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Home of the Free Sunday Roast & Free Bar B Que every Friday

Call 089 985 7473

Bobby’s BarFOOTBall NeWskicked off By BoBBy’s Bar

Soi 102, Hua Hin (200m on right after railway)

FaNtasY PreMIer leagUe

If you wish to take part in the Fantasy or Predictor leagues please contact [email protected] for instructions.

AWOL CHALLENGE TABLE 2014/2015team gW tot

1 Hua Hin Utd 63 6122 Wanderlust United 53 6023 Lost Cafe 60 595

4 Free Rolf City 73 5935 Mr ChaAming 66 5796 Red & Blue Bangers 70 5727 Let’s be avin you 82 5658 Waste of money 48 5639 Dunne’s Destroyers 60 55410 Pensioners 59 54611 Fingers Clayton 60 54212 xxdroggiesbackxxx 67 52213 FC Mukdahan 54 51314= headless chickens 62 49014= AWOL Wanderers 49 49016 Sammy Doo Racing 55 48417 *@>‹*≠ FC 61 47818 Thailand Silkmen 66 46419 Eric 43 43520 Dans Demons 13 42821 Portsmouth City 51 40322 Madrid Spurs 51 40123 FC OK 31 358

FIxtUres

(all times Thailand)SATURDAY 22ND NOVEMBER 2014PREMIER LEAGUEChelsea v West Brom 22:00 Everton v West Ham 22:00 Leicester v Sunderland 22:00 Man City v Swansea 22:00 Newcastle v QPR 22:00 Stoke v Burnley 22:00 CHAMPIONSHIPBrentford v Fulham 02:45 Cardiff v Reading 02:45Huddersfield v Sheff Wed 19:15 Blackburn v Leeds 22:00 Blackpool v Bolton 22:00 Bournemouth v Ipswich 22:00 Charlton v Millwall 22:00 Norwich v Brighton 22:00 Rotherham v Birmingham 22:00 Watford v Derby 22:00 Wigan v M’boro 22:00 Wolves v Nottm Forest 22:00 SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIPCeltic v Dundee 22:00 Dundee Utd v Kilmarnock 22:00 Hamilton v St Mirren 22:00 Inverness CT v Motherwell 22:00 St Johnstone v Ross County 22:00

SUNDAY 23RD NOVEMBER 2014PREMIER LEAGUEArsenal v Man Utd 00:30 Crystal Palace v Liverpool 20:30 Hull v Tottenham 23:00 SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIPPartick Thistle v Aberdeen 19:45

TUESDAY 25TH NOVEMBER 2014PREMIER LEAGUEAston Villa v Southampton 03:00

eNglIsh PreMIer leagUe taBle

team P gd Pts1 Chelsea 11 17 292 Southampton 11 18 253 Man City 11 10 214 West Ham 11 5 185 Swansea 11 4 186 Arsenal 11 6 177 Man Utd 11 3 168 Newcastle 11 -2 169 Stoke 11 -1 1510 Everton 11 2 1411 Liverpool 11 -1 1412 Tottenham 11 -2 1413 West Brom 11 -2 1314 Sunderland 11 -7 1215 Hull 11 -2 1116 Aston Villa 11 -11 1117 Crystal Palace 11 -6 918 Leicester 11 -7 919 QPR 11 -11 820 Burnley 11 -13 7

FeatUred gaMe

SATURDAY 22ND NOVEMBER 2014PREMIER LEAGUEMan City v Swansea 22:00 Both of these teams will be hoping that not only can they get all three points here but also that Chelsea, Southampton and West Ham slip up in their respective matches, but in particular the leaders from Stamford Bridge. It should be an entertaining game with lots of fast attacking football, and we also expect plenty of goals - both teams average a goal a game conceded so far, and both offer a significant goal threat from several positions. We think the final outcome will be score draw, which will do neither’s title aspirations much good.

PreMIer leagUe PredIctor

AWOL CHALLENGE EPL PREDICTION TABLEPlayer gW tot

1 livinginlos 16 181

2 AWOL 18 160

3 oskar 0 141

4 Mr Blobby Green 0 140

5 kevharris2502 28 131

Please enter predictions at least a couple of hours before the first match of the week kicks off.

aDVeRTIse heRe FOR jUsT

400 BahT a Week*contact [email protected] or go to www.awolonline.net

for our media Guide*when booked for 13 issues

24



Usa vs FIFa uSa

The US has expanded the Axis of Evil to include World football governing body, FIFA.The Axis of evil, named by President George w. Bush in his 2002 State of the Union speech previously included Iran, Iraq, and North Korea.It is thought that FIFA’s recent report entitled ‘Why we’re brilliant and all the others, especially England, aren’t,’ is the trigger for their inclusion.The FA welcomed the announcement.“About bloody time,” said Chairman Greg Dyke. “This is a grotesque, bloated and corrupt organisation. Not like the FA.”“After all, when it came out that we’d all been given nice watches as bribes, we sent them straight back. No messing. We didn’t even have to wait to be told.”“We have amassed a vast dossier on the crimes of FIFA,” said a spokesperson for the White House. “They’ve accepted

us adds fifa to axis of evil

Above: Many in the football world believe Blatter (left) is a Sith Lord (right)

bribes, they’ve given bribes, they flout local regulations, they run an active slave trade, they worship the devil, they leave the toilet seat up, they don’t serve dolphin-friendly tuna, and we have a great deal of evidence to suggest it was them who attached a pogo-stick to the bottom of the Philae lander.”Despite the accusations, FIFA remained

defiant. “This announcement is provocative and unwarranted. FIFA will defend itself against this constant harassment and slander,” said a spokesperson. Frankly, Sepp’s been looking forward to trying out the army of evil robo-soldiers he’s built in his secret lair under a volcano. So bring it on America.”

awol issue 306

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