CABINET OF CURIOSITY

At Marketo, we’re all about the science of marketing.

Everyone thinks of marketing automation as a new field. But few people know about our rich heritage as marketing automation pioneers – a story that stretches back to the experiments of Dr. Gustav Marketo.

More than any single individual, Dr. Marketo advanced the science of marketing through the use of mechanical, electrical and galvanic technologies.

His revenue-generation machines (some of which are still in working order today) were considered a marvel of Victorian engineering and a considerable aid to the early pioneers of marketing science.

But few people know that Dr. Marketo also sent the world’s first tweet (“Watson come quick, I need #tea.”) and posted the first user-generated video (“Charles has inadvertently masticated my digit.”).

This brief catalogue is intended to correct these misperceptions and restore Dr. Marketo to his rightful place as the original source of the ideas behind today’s Marketing Automation technology.

The Communication Personaliser

is a thoroughly modern audience targeter that safely and hygienically directs bespoke communications to each prospective purchaser based on

their previous behaviours.

Fig. 1 — Model No. 6

IS AN EFFICACIOUS DEVICE FOR THE MODERN SOCIAL

MEDIA DANDY.This machine produces, by a few minutes daily use, the highest form of social engagement, with perfect safety, and without a sense of fatigue. Hashtags are

easily removed with a clean, damp chamois.

THE TWEET AMPLIFICATOR

& CLARIFICATION

Measurement Compendium The Analytical Measurement Compendium is justly considered as one of the most complete arrangements

of its kind. All tools are:— IRIDIUM-TIPPED —

Therefore never wear out

— Indefatigable —Measure continuously for many hours

— economical —Outlasting 20,000 steel pens

— finally —As nearly perfect as inventive skill can produce

Also brass-mounted and handsomely relieved with your company's logotype and livery.

The Complete & Comprehensive Sales Lead Recycler

Pronounced by content experts, the press and the community at large the most perfect

and complete Lead Recycler of the day.

Leads are pumped for recycling using an eminently scientific substance based ONLY ON OZONIC OXYGEN.

Fig. 4 — The Complete & Comprehensive Content Curation Laboratory

KLOUT INFLATORAN ABSOLUTELY SAFE, PERMANENT AND RAPID CURE FOR PROBLEMATIC INFLUENCA

A SPECIAL PREPARATION FOR MARKETERS, BRAND OWNERS AND STUBBON CASES (EITHER SEX) WHICH HAVE RESISTED OTHER TREATMENT. ABDOMINAL KLOUT INFLATION A SPECIALITY – USING A UNIQUE TRANSPARENT FLUID FOR TRAINING, FIXING AND

BEAUTIFYING THE KLOUT SCORE OF ALL SORTS AND CONDITIONS.

AN ENGLISH CLERGYMAN WRITES:"Your Klout Inflator acted admirably."

A novel and pleasant mode of administering and progressing sales

leads from initial contact to successful and mutually agreeable

revenue realization.

Based on the teachings and investigations of Franz Anton Mesmer, the Lead Nurturator is the most effective electric appliance ever offered to the public, and for restoring lost

leads it has no equal.

WEB SEMINARS HAVE BECOME THE ORDER OF THE DAY IN

POLITE SOCIETY.

Will quickly clean and burnish presentation material in a manner

not attainable with the old-fashioned glass slideware – and without damaging headlines.

Marketers requiring a webinar are respectfully invited to inspect this new machine in operation, when

they will be at once convinced of its surpassing excellence.

If not approved of, may be returned unconditionally and the

money refunded.

SALES-MARKETING

ALIGNIFICATORq

ADMINISTERS AUDIBLE MULTI-CLAPPER ALERT ON CREATION

OF A SALES-READY LEAD WITH CORRESPONDING ELECTRIC SHOCK.

An efficacious way to achieve instant sales team vigilance.

Integrates with patron relationship management apparatus.

qTHE GOLD MEDAL

AND A SILVER MEDAL AT THE GREAT

OPTIMISATION EXHIBITIONS, SOUTH KENSINGTON

.

A/BTESTING TABLE

BEHAVIOURTRACKER

)WITH CONSOLIDATED LANDING PAGE AND

SOCIAL MEDIA INTEGRATOR. THE PUBLIC ARE CAUTIONED AGAINST

COUNTERFEITS.

TWEET SHOOTERCapable of emitting 16 Re-Tweets per hour in Brisk Mode. We guarantee that an operator will produce from two to three times as much work in a day as a clerk can possibly do with a quill

IN THE MARKETO LEAD WARMER WE CLAIM TO HAVE CREATED A STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE

NOT ONLY IN PRINCIPLE, BUT IN THE DETAILS OF CONSTRUCTION, THAT IS UNAPPROACHED

BY OTHER LEAD WARMING MACHINES.

HAS THE WORLD RECORD FOR SPEED IN OPPORTUNITY DETECTION AND

EVENT TRIGGERISATION.

Those who have experienced the worthlessness of hand counting machines and the troublesomeness of two-pen

systems are continually exchanging for ourSILENT SCORING MACHINES.

LEAD SCORING AUTOMATA

anonymous web traffic analyser

Has proved successful where many analysers have failed. Anonymity is no

longer a barrier to rigorous analysis.SEND FOR FULL PARTICULARS.

LANDING PAGECOOKIE CATAPULT

ATTACHES TRACKING MECHANISM TO THE COAT-TAILS OF UNSUSPECTING VISITORS. FROWNED UPON IN SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES.

REPUTATION MANAGER

AGREEABLE TO USE, CERTAIN IN ITS EFFECTS, AND HARMLESS IN ITS ACTION,

IT MAY BE SAFELY USED BY LADIES AND CHILDREN.

CONTENT RE-PURPOSING CONTRIVANCE

Old content goes in, new content comes out. Portable for use in any forum.

Code ReaderMr. Fergus Gloster

is available as a personal Quick Response Code

Reader should you happen upon such a code.