emotional intelligence from self awareness to relationship management ncla participants

Emotional Intelligence

From Self Awareness to Relationship

Management

Dr. Eric M. Gladney – Presenter

Prepared For:

NCLA Leadership Institute

Objectives…..

Prove that ―soft skills‖ have hard value

within the life of an organization.

Provide a framework that enables us to re-

think what the elements of success are.

Build a leadership framework that emerging

leaders can begin to leverage across their

careers which enables them to better serve

their constituency.

NCLA Leadership Institute

Mission

The mission of NCLA Leadership Institute

is to create opportunities for learning and

skill building in leadership and mentoring.

The institute will cultivate an improved

understanding of self and others, while

inspiring participants to serve in leadership

roles within the profession at local, state

and national levels.

What is any library’s

most important asset?

Did you say people?

Consider…..

What are the things that make a person a liability?

What are the things that make a person an asset?

Surprisingly These 2 Lists Share

ONE COMMON SOURCE:

The Human Brain

Human Beings Have At Least

2 Types of Intelligence:

Left Brain Right Brain

The Framework

IQ = Intelligence Quotient

– Academic learning, language, rational thoughts,

analysis

EQ = Emotional Quotient = Emotional Intelligence

– Intra-personal competence, interpersonal or social competence

Major Players In The Field

Daniel Goleman – whose best seller

introduced the ideas to most people.

Robert K. Cooper – his work is focused on

leadership. He has coauthored the EQ Map

which allows people to identify how they

have used EQ during the past 30 days.

Reuven Bar-on – has developed an

instrument for measuring EQ ability. It has

17 years of research behind it.

Emotional Intelligence Defined

―Emotional intelligence‖ refers to the

capacity for recognizing our own feelings

and those of others, for motivating

ourselves, and for managing emotions well

in ourselves and our relationships.

Goleman “Working with Emotional Intelligence” 1998.

IQ –vs- EQ (Intelligence Quotient –vs- Emotional Quotient)

• Research indicates

that IQ can help you

to be successful to

the extent of 20%

only in life. The

remaining 80% is

dependent on your

EQ.

IQ

EQ


Self Awareness

Relationship Mgmt

Social Awareness

Self Management

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Influence Inspirational Leadership

Developing Others

Building Bonds

Empathy Organizational Awareness

Service Orientation

Self Confidence Emotional Self Awareness

Accurate Self Assessment

Self Control Trust worthiness

Conscientiousness

Adaptability

Achievement

Self Awareness

Self awareness - knowing one's internal

states, preferences, resources and intuitions.

– the key to increased personal and organizational

performance.

– "bringing to the conscious mind an

understanding of the compulsions that push us

around"

It is waking up and realizing WHO you

really are and WHY you do the things the

way that you do them.

Self Awareness

Increasing our own levels of self awareness

therefore, empowers us to make different

choices.

– Not that we will automatically do things

differently.

– ……some habits die hard!

It allows the leader and the people that they

influence to move to a place of not

automatically reacting in the same old

inappropriate manner as before.

Building Emotional Trust – Group

Exercise

Consider the following statement:

“IF YOU KNEW THIS ABOUT ME, YOU

WOULD BETTER UNDERSTAND WHO I

AM AS A MEMBER OF THIS TEAM.”

Building Emotional Trust – Group

Exercise

What did you learn about yourself?

What did you learn about others?

What did you learn about truthful

communication?

What did you learn about the value of self

awareness?

The Emotional Brain

Your life experiences are not sterile facts; they are

emotionally laden memories.

Self Awareness – Your Current

Environment

Your current life circumstances, at home

and at work sets the context for exploring

your EQ capacities.

Many times, individuals are unaware that

they are having an emotional reaction.

– Underdeveloped self awareness leads to a ―just do it‖ / ―fly by the seat of my paints‖ attitude

– We need emotional competencies to help us in this area.

Self Awareness Emotional

Competencies

High degrees of self awareness are strongly

correlated with the following competencies:

– Intentionality

– Creativity

– Resilience

– Interpersonal Connections

– Constructive Discontent

Values & Attitudes

One’s view of the world and what one

values within it….

– Described in the words we use

– The actions we take

– Consistency over time

– They shape our outlook

– They fuel our compassion

– They inform our intuition

Self Awareness Principles…

Taking the time for mindfulness.

Recognizing and naming emotions.

Understanding the causes of feelings.

Differentiating between emotion and the

need to tack action.

Preventing depression through ―learned

optimism‖.

Managing anger through learned behavior.

Listening for the lesson of feelings.


Self Awareness

Relationship Mgmt

Social Awareness

Self Management

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Developing Others

Building Bonds


Service Orientation




Conscientiousness

Adaptability

Achievement

The Marshmallow Self-Management

Test

The Marshmallow Self-Management

Test– Group Feedback

If you have the courage (self-awareness) to

admit it, which child were you? In what

way(s)?

How do you see marshmallow test relating

to emotional intelligence?

Self Management… Essential

Components

Emotional self-control

Integrity

Innovation / creativity

Initiative / bias for action

Resilience and Achievement drive

Realistic optimism and Intentionality

Emotional Self-Control Fosters a

Positive Work Environment

Emotional self-control refers to how we control or effectively manage the behaviors our emotions trigger.

If individuals fail to self manage and loses control of their emotions often, this can create an atmosphere of negativity that ultimately hampers a team’s productivity.

Enhancing Self Control

Remain aware of feelings.

– Paying attention to how you feel—in the moment—is critical.

Keep a journal.

– Create a list of situations or events that ―trigger‖ negative emotions.

Pay attention to ―self talk.‖

– Tell yourself what it looks and feels like to be under control.

Remember, you have a choice.

Integrity Builds Confidence & Trust

Integrity is defined as ―doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.‖

Imagine for a moment a scenario in which an

organization’s leaders lack integrity. – What do you see?

This behavior (this lack of self-management in the area of integrity), can create a culture where employees & constituents spend valuable time ―second-guessing‖ their leadership.

– …when employees should be focused on goal achievement & constituents benefiting from them.

Enhancing Integrity

Know your values and principles.

– Constantly remind yourself of what you believe in, so you naturally live by your values.

Examine your behavior.

– Determine how well your behavior aligns with your values.

Admit mistakes.

– When you are wrong, don’t hesitate to say so.

Keep your word and treat people fairly.

Enhancing Self Control & Integrity:

Group Exercise

Review the self control & integrity self-

management principles on both sides of the

handout.

Choose one of the questions and write a

brief response. Discuss its impact on your

emotional intelligence with your group.

30 MINUET BREAK


Self Awareness

Relationship Mgmt

Social Awareness

Self Management

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Developing Others

Building Bonds


Service Orientation




Conscientiousness

Adaptability

Achievement

Social Awareness definitions

Social Awareness – Awareness of others feelings, needs or concerns

Empathy (mandatory) – Sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and

taking an active interest in their concerns

Organizational Awareness – Reading a group’s emotional currents and

power relationships

Service Orientation – Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting

customers’ needs

34

Social Complexity in Groups

1. 2. 3. 4.

Individual Level

Group Level

In Groups:

• 1 + 1 =3

• Emotion is

contagious

35

How Social Awareness Affects the

Bottom Line

Group Emotional Intelligence

Trust, Group Identity, Group Efficacy, Networks

Participation, Cooperation, Collaboration

Better Decisions, More Creative Solutions, Higher Productivity

Social Awareness Model

3 Levels

6 Dimensions 9 Norms

Individual Group awareness of members

Interpersonal understanding

Group management of members

Confronting members who break norms

Caring behavior

Group Group self-awareness Team self-evaluation

Group self- management Creating resources for working with emotion

Creating an optimistic environment

Proactive problem solving

Cross-boundary (External)

Group social awareness Organizational understanding

Group social skills Building external relationships

37

Social Awareness…..

It is about . . .

bringing emotions to

the surface and

proactively

understanding their

meaning and impact on

the team and its

performance

It is not about…

catching and

suppressing emotions

as they bubble up

It is not about…

being nice

Social Awareness:

Group Exercise

EQ SELF-ASSESSMENT CHECKLIST

Becoming Socially Aware of Needs

Being aware of others ―needs‖

Needs:

– Unfulfilled physiological and psychological

desires of an individual.

– Explain workplace behavior and attitudes.

– Create tensions that influence attitudes and

behavior.

– Good managers and leaders facilitate need

satisfaction.


Hierarchy of needs theory:

– Developed by Abraham Maslow.

– Lower-order and higher-order needs affect

workplace behavior and attitudes.

– Lower-order needs:

• Physiological, safety, and social needs.

• Desires for physical and social well being.

– Higher-order needs

• Esteem and self-actualization needs

• Desire for psychological growth and development

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Effective Social Awareness Requires

Empathy

The old song title ―Walk a Mile in My Shoes‖ sums up the concept of empathy.

By being attuned to how others feel, an effective leader will likely say and do what is most appropriate in any given situation.

– Calming fears

– Reducing the severity of anger

– Joining in the high spirits of the team

Enhancing Your Ability To

Empathize

Listening is the key. Remember, you don’t have to agree with what is said; it’s about acceptance.

Learn to listen for feelings. People don’t always express their true feelings or concerns directly, so listen for words that express feelings and needs.

Make time for people. Make addressing the concerns and feelings of others a top priority.

Enhancing Your Ability To

Empathize

Acknowledge what you think you heard (or saw). Remember, you don’t have to agree with what is said; it’s about acceptance.

Withhold judgment. When you’re tempted to criticize or dismiss the opinions or feelings of others, stop. Also consider the merits of the other person’s point of view before you respond.

Social Awareness

Self-management

Understanding and sensitivity to the

feelings, thoughts, and situation of

others

Controlling or redirecting our internal

states, impulses, and resources

Self-awareness Understanding your own emotions,

strengths, weaknesses, values, and

motives

Relationship

Management Managing other people’s emotions

Lowest

Highest

Model of Emotional Intelligence

The Three Layers of the Brain

The Layers:

Rational Brain (thinking)

cortex and neo-cortex

analytical & technical ability

Emotional Brain (feeling)

limbic system

feelings, impulses, drives

First Brain

brainstem

How Each Layer Learns:

Rational Brain (reading, studying)

grasps concepts quickly

associations, comprehension

Emotional Brain (experiencing)

motivation, extended practice,

feedback, repetition (breaking a habit)

Gender Differences?

Women tend to be more aware of their emotions, show more empathy and are adept interpersonally.

Men tend to be more self-confident and optimistic, adapt more easily, and handle stress better.

However, on the whole, men and women are generally equal

in total emotional intelligence.

Behavior

Emotions, Attitudes and Behavior

Perceived Environment

Attitude Feelings

Beliefs

Behavioral

Intentions

Cognitive process

Emotional process

Emotional

Episodes

Mirror

Neurons

Relationship Management…

“The key to management success is to

keep the folks who hate you away from

the undecided”

Earl Weaver

Great Leaders Move Us

Through our emotions –

which are contagious

Exercise

Think of a leader for whom or with whom you worked - one that you would gladly work with or for again.

Think of a person in a leadership position that you try to avoid, or left you drained, or hoping for more.

How would you DESCRIBE these people? How did they make you FEEL?

52

Relationship Management Drives

Leadership

Power

– Ability to get someone else to do something you

want done or make things happen the way you want.

Power should be used to influence and control

others for the common good rather seeking to

exercise control for personal satisfaction.

Two sources of managerial power:

– Position power.

– Personal power.

53


Leadership

Position power

– Based on a manager’s official status in the organization’s hierarchy of authority.

Sources of position power:

– Reward power

• Capability to offer something of value.

– Coercive power

• Capability to punish or withhold positive outcomes.

– Legitimate power

• Organizational position or status confers the right to control those in subordinate positions.

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Leadership

Personal power – Based on the unique personal qualities that a person brings

to the leadership situation.

Sources of personal power:

– Expert power

• Capacity to influence others because of one’s knowledge

and skills.

– Referent power

• Capacity to influence others because they admire you

and want to identify positively with you.

55

Alternative change strategies and

their leadership implications.

4 Criteria For Relationship

Management

A decision regarding the best course of action in a particular situation.

An interaction with others based on the research you've done.

An outcome

– How and what you say or do will be guided by a specific outcome you want to achieve.

Your needs

– The outcome you intend to achieve will be guided by your specific needs, or the business needs, at that time.


Organizational Commitment

Affective commitment

– Emotional attachment to, identification with,

and involvement in an organization

Continuance commitment

– Belief that staying with the organization serves

your personal interests

Building Organizational

Commitment

Justice and support

– Apply humanitarian

values

– Support employee well-

being

Shared values

– Values congruence

Trust

– Employees trust org

leaders

– Job security supports

trust

Organizational

comprehension

– Know firm’s

past/present/future

– Open and rapid

communication

Employee involvement

– Employees feel part of

company

– Involvement

demonstrates trust

Intelligence

Intellectual

Emotional

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