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E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

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here’s always one. That’s what people say if someone’s too loud… or too quiet, or that little bit odd… or even rude. It’s hard for everyone to get on with every person they meet, but it is our unique identity that makes us wonderful. Not everyone you meet will “get” you. You won’t even like every person you meet

(though hopefully that’ll be rare!) nor will every person you meet like you (though hopefully that too is very rare!!). In this issue we look at all types of relationships – romantic, platonic, familial, relationships with colleagues and even with strangers! When God is first in your life, and your relationship with Him is strong then you can approach all of your relationships with an attitude that

will please Him. You are God’s child, he wants you to be safe, happy and progress in life. Every person you meet is also a child of God’s and he wants the same for them also. Take the time this month to look at your relationships: are they going well? Are they maintained healthily? Do they need some attention, some repair? I pray you strengthen all good relationships and work to mend the problems in any which need help. Love each other as God desires you to.

I hope you enjoy this issue,

God bless you,

Zoë and the Enthuse team

E D I T O R I A L V I E W

Editorial 3

Swansea University clocks 90

4-5

How to Meet New People

6 - 7

Makings of a Successful Marriage Part III

8

Book Review/ Birthdays 9

Local Girl meets Boy 10-11

Pastor’s Desk 14-15

Look Out - A quick-tip 16

Less than the best 17

4 Initiatives 18

CONTENTS FEBRUARY 2010

ENTHUSE

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10-11 COVER STORY

Chris & Mike Day talk about how local girl meets boy and the journey of marriage in a Chris-

tian setting.

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Contributors to this Issue:

Zoë Abbott Ifor Ap Daffyd Pastor Felix Makanjuola Jr Ayo Thompson Alice Davies Obiageli Anne Okolotu

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

4 E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

Friday 22nd January 2010 marked the 90th birthday of Swansea University!

Ninety years ago, the university was established by Royal Charter from King George V, with a remit to serve the people of Swansea and beyond. Since its foundation, the university has played a pivotal role in the region’s life, well-being, and prosperity.

C O M M U N I T Y T O G E T H E R

For more information please see the university website: http://www.swansea.ac.uk/news_centre/Releases/10220190thanniversary/

(Singleton Abbey - 1920)

5

CLOCKS 90

C O M M U N I T Y T O G E T H E R

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

(Technium Digital on Campus - 2005)

(Singleton Campus - 1920)

6

L I F E S K I L L S

Getting more out of your current relationships can go a long way, but life doesn't stop there. We need to constantly relate to various kinds of people in order to move from one stage of

life to another. Sometimes you're at a point where you need to meet entirely new people. Not having easy access to potential new friends is a big barrier for many people in creating a social circle. Here are my ideas of ways to meet new people. I think most of us find it easiest to meet new people when the ice is already broken by the circumstances. And by and large we find it more much harder to approach strangers. Once you've met some people, take the initiative to invite them to hang out outside of the circumstances in which you met. It's all about being proactive. Here are some tips on how to meet new people: in different social situations.

Don't over-think the process If you're inexperienced with making friends, you may see the process as being more drawn-out and complex than it really is. The key here is to be as relaxed as possible, it’s not everyone you meet you will foster a friendship with so just relax and take it one step at a time.

Develop hobbies Having hobbies or joining communities where you'll naturally meet a lot of people is a good way to meet new people, and what better way than to meet someone you already have something in common with and a built-in activity to do with them.

Invite potential friends to do something with you

One of the best ways to meet people is to throw a party or a get-together or organise a book club. This is particularly good as you will be in your own comfort zone, which means you will feel a little bit more relaxed than usual.

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

7

L I F E S K I L L S

Facebook group

by

Felix Makanjuola Jr

Make a habit of getting people's contact information

Be proactive whenever you meet new people. If there is some-one you think you may get along with, why not ask for their number, chances are they may also be interested in you, but you never know until you ask.

Make plans To hang out with someone you've got to plan it. Sometimes the process is straight forward. You ask them if they want do something, they agree, and you set a time and place. At other times trying to nail down a plan can be tedious and unpredictable, especially when more than one other person is involved. Try your best to get used to it. I had to accept I could not perfectly control and arrange eve-rything ahead of time. I had to come to peace with the uncer-tainty of trying to organize events.

Do your best to accept every invitation Well, again you have to make an effort. If you are being in-vited to events and the like, try to make an effort even when it is not very convenient. People will only be friendly to you if you too are to them, and they will be more likely to recipro-cate if and when you invite them.

Keep in touch, and keep hanging out If you do not service a newly developed relationship, it will not last. You only get out what you put into a relationship. So, try making a call once in a while, or offer to pay a visit.

Don't be overly picky Your initial goal should just be to get some sort of social life

going. So hang out with whoever you get along with and who-

ever seems interested in doing things with you. Your best

relationships might not be with those you initially thought!

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

8 E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

M A R R I E D L I F E

After the first or second year of marriage,

when the initial "tingle" is starting to fade,

many couples find that their relationship’s

"love tanks" are running on empty.

In life, the number one emotional high

reported by individuals is feeling the pres-

ence of God in their lives. The emotional

high of being in love (which arguably lasts

around 2 years) is the second highest emo-

tional experience that people reportedly

have.

That is why it can be so difficult to try and

talk some sense into someone who is in the

midst of falling in love. Obsessive love can

render people mentally incompetent. So it

is important to keep a record of you emo-

tional experiences.

Individuals may have been expressing love

for their spouse, but in reality they may

have been speaking a different ‘love lan-

guage.’ Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian coun-

sellor and author, first introduces this in his

book The Five Love Languages. The best way

to fill your relationship’s ‘love tank’ is to

express love in your spouse’s love lan-

guage. Each of us has a primary love lan-

guage. Usually, couples don't have the

same love language. It’s like two people

trying to have a conversation together and

one’s speaking English and the other Chi-

nese, even though they are both talking

sense. Communication is limited and is of

no use if you don’t understand each other’s

language.

16. Determine your own love language

Since you may be expressing what you

need, you can discover your own love lan-

guage by asking yourself these questions:

versary or who never give gifts to some-

one who truly enjoys gift giving will find

themselves with a spouse who feels ne-

glected and unloved.

Acts of Service

Discovering how you can best do some-

thing for your spouse will require time

and creativity. These acts of service like

vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, plant-

ing a garden, etc., need to be done with

joy in order to be perceived as a gift of

love.

Physical Touch

Sometimes just stroking your spouse's

back, holding hands or a peck on the

cheek will fulfil this need.

17. Determine your spouse’ love language

Don’t be afraid to ask your spouse what

love language speaks to them best. Dr.

Chapman recommends that you have a

"Tank Check" 3 nights a week for 3 weeks.

Ask one another "How is your love tank

tonight?" If, on a scale from zero to ten, it is

less than 10, then ask "What can I do to

help fill it?" Then do it to the best of your

ability.

The summary of these practices can be

summarized in the Bible verse that con-

cisely defines how love in marriage should

be. I Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient,

love is kind. It does not envy, it does not

boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not

self-seeking, it is not easily angered and it

keeps no record of wrongs.”

I pray God continues to bless your mar-

riage. Amen.

A. How do I convey love to others?

B. What do I complain about the most?

C. What do I request most often?

Speaking in your spouse's love language

probably won't be natural for you. We're

not talking comfort; we're talking love.

Love is something we do for someone else.

So often couples love one another but they

aren't connecting. They are sincere, but

sincerity isn't enough."

Dr. Chapman writes about the importance

of being able to express love to your spouse

in a way that your spouse can understand

collectively called the five emotional love

languages.

Words of Affirmation

This is when you say how nice your

spouse looks, or how great the dinner

tasted. These words will also build

your spouse's self image and confi-

dence.

Quality Time

Some spouses believe that being to-

gether, doing things together and focus-

ing in on one another is the best way to

show love. If this is your partner's love

language, turn off the TV now and then

and give one another some undivided

attention.

Gifts

It is universal in human cultures to give

gifts. They don't have to be expensive to

send a powerful message of love.

Spouses who forget a birthday or anni-

The Makings of a Successful Marr iage - Part IV

9

B O O K R E V I E W / B I R T H D A Y S

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

“Something More” by Christine Marshall

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed reading this book. Written in America in the 1970s I didn’t expect it to have such relevance today. But the step by step insights are timeless. Mar-shall addresses each of the most difficult aspects of our lives – like giving thanks to God even through dire grief, and forgiving those who have deeply wronged us without provocation. Fluently written, she brings together her own personal,

often heart-breaking, often heart-warming experiences, with those people she’s known from across the world.

This book, with the voice of a beloved wise aunt, reveals itself as a precious handbook for relating all things to God, trusting always in him and listening for and recognising answers to prayer.

Read this book when you’re ready to have a better relationship with God, your family and those around you. Read it when you’re tired of having your prayers get no higher than the ceiling.

Book Review by Zoë Abbott

Name Date

Jumoke Sanusi 2nd

Felix Makanjuola Jr 19th

Daniel Durowaiye 19th

Bassey Uno-Asuquo 2nd

Ifeanyi Anthony Igweike 23rd

Flora Nwafor 24th

Eri Kasimi 5th

Bimpe Ladega 8th

Sainey Nije 15th

George M Eleady-Cole 11th

Samuel Ajanaku 19th

Ayodeji Oluwole 8th

Birthdays in February

10

Chris & Mike Day speak with Zoë Abbott on marriage in Christ.

irl Meets Boy

Christine first met her boyfriend through youth group meet-ings between her church and others in the area. She didn’t know him that well; he was from Hereford but moved down with his family in 1969. After school Mike moved to Cardiff for work, and Chris went to study at Cardiff University. The two continued their friendship, sharing lifts back to Swansea on weekends, even giving each other relationship advice. Af-ter four years, and now single at the same time Mike found his chance to ask Chris out. Worried about spoiling their friendship Chris hesitated, but couldn’t resist trying a rela-tionship. Just two weeks later Mike proposed! This was too quick and Chris held out for… four months. They married the following June, one year after they got together.

amily Life

That was 1977 and 33 years later they have two caring Chris-tian grown-up children and are leading busy successful lives. So how did this loving couple raise a family in Christ in to-day’s society of moral questions and tough choices? They tell me that the key is to build a strong foundation for the rela-tionship to grow. Most important to their relationship was the friendship that grew over time. Every marriage is made in the eyes of God with two people pledging their devotion to each other for the rest of their lives. To spend a happy life together a true friendship is very important.

At their daughter’s marriage last year, these were the words on love which the Day family most identified with: to love is to have “roots that grew to-wards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two”

To help someone else find God it is best that you know him a bit yourself. To know God is to maintain a relation-ship with him every day, to want to know all about Him, seek them out. To bring up children in Christ is to help them have a daily relationship with God also. Every breakfast time the Day family prayed together, reading bible passages together and discussing

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

them together, questioning together what they meant. Each night before bed the family read bible stories and modern moral stories which helped develop their place in the world. No radio was allowed on car journeys as the tape-deck always played the children’s favourite Christian songs!

Chris and Mike explain that teenage years are difficult for both the child and the parent. So many things are going on in a modern teenager’s life: the temptations of an immoral life can seem so attractive, the struggles of life can seem so daunting, and going through them can feel very lonely, even with the closest of parental relationships. For a parent, having teen-age children can also be scary and daunt-ing: the fears of losing children to tempta-tion and the struggle of giving them ad-vice that’s appropriate and they hear. As parents, Chris and Mike found the strong foundations they laid helped the children to keep Christian friendships strong through their troublesome teenage years. God was with them through these years of change, but they also heard and felt

him and kept him in first place in their lives. Prayer is not a once-a-week ritual but should be a constant dialogue with God, and maintaining this keeps it’s strength.

he Secret

Speaking frankly Mike explains that having a shared faith in God, and each putting Him first in their life keeps their priorities, their spiritual and earthly relationships in top con-dition. They both feel that it was God who brought them together, giving weight to their marriage being something worth working at and keeping special. [[

Alongside their personal relationships with God,

“roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen

from our branches we found that we were

one tree and not two”

11

C O V E R S T O R Y

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

their friendship with each other is the most important thing: enjoying each other’s company, sharing their lives.

Mike and Chris always make time for each other – a weekly date night, either alone, or together with friends. Communi-cation, as with all relationships, is very important, keeping trust and friendship strong. They share this message with us: “Make sure to stay true to yourself: making time for yourself and the things you enjoy is as important as sharing things: staying happy keeps you both happy!”

Chris Day was an integral part of research teams in Swansea University’s biological science department, her home town to which she returned and has started and developed many friendships within each of the churches she attended. Starting mother-toddler

groups and bible study groups, Chris naturally fell into both organisational and mentoring roles. Mike has been a Swansea Liberal Democrat Councillor since 1999, taking over as Cabinet Member for Edu-cation in 2004 and his work is varied including man-aging business incubation facilities at Swansea Uni-versity. In church he too took leadership, as both church secretary and treasurer in Cardiff. It is al-ways encouraging to see God promote those who work always for Him.

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is, for brethren to dwell together in unity!

…For there the Lord commanded the blessing – Life forever-more. Psalm 133

12 E N T H U S E J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F F O C U S

S E L F D E V E L O P M E N T

13 E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

W H A T ’ S O N

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14TH MARCH

Celebrate mothers and motherhood with a unique service with a

difference.

Come celebrate motherhood!

Hosted by RCCG Place of Victory

14 E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S I P S

Ever wondered just how strong your friendships really are? Well you can find out. What

your friend is willing to share with you determines what you should share with them. This

reveals to you just how strong your friendship is with that particular person.

Pastor Felix Makanjuola Jr.

15

Jonathan and David are good examples of how friends treat each other. They should love each other and care about their needs. They should be encouraging and help in tough times. Jonathan could have been upset that David would be king instead of him. After all, he was the next in line.

However, God had anointed David to be king and Jonathan knew that he must follow God. Jonathan told David to go in peace. He made a promise that they would be friends forever and he would always take care of his family just as David promised he would take care of Jona-

P A S T O R ’ S D E S K

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lthunit.org

than’s family. (I Samuel 20:1-42)

Whether you are single or a couple, a good friendship keeps you sane. The essence of having another being other than you is for companionship; and as a Christian, to put more thou-sands to flight. No one is an island however; you also need to prepare to be a friend. You can only effectively work in syn-ergy with another when you are whole.

Friends bring out the best in you, even when you don’t think so. They help you to keep things in a godly perspective and let you know when you can do better. Preparing yourself for friendship is like mixing the dough before baking. It’s time we looked inwardly and asked “what sort of traits do I possess that would benefit another?”

Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. The term connotes a relationship which in-volves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and re-spect, along with a degree of rendering service to each other in times of need or crisis.

Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loy-alty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behaviour, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often dem-onstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviours. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrat-ing the following on a consistent basis: the tendency to desire what is best for the other, sympathy and empathy, honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the per-ceived faults of one's counterpart’s mutual understanding

Love is closely related to friendship; it involves strong inter-personal ties between two or more people.

There are two distinct types of love namely: Platonic love, a deep and non-romantic connection or friendship between two individuals. It is love where the sexual element does not enter. Romantic love: considered similar to Platonic love, but in-volves sexual elements.

The greatest life skill you can develop is the ability to relate to people. There isn't anything created that doesn't exist to cater to or for people. You can have all the qualifications in the world but they are useless if you can't relate to people. However it is possible to have no qualifications and yet suc-ceed because of the ability to relate to people.

Everything rises and falls on friendship. So, are you a friend

or a foe?

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

16

I’ve always loved living here as I’ve always felt so safe. But it does not matter whether you’re in Swansea, Seattle or Swaziland, we all need to be careful when walking around at night . It’s not that unusual either: studying late at the library, working late in the of-fice, popping over to see a friend or out to grab a pint of milk… and with the nights still drawing in early, it doesn’t even need to be that late for it to be dark.

Here’s some quick suggestions to keep in mind when out and about…

Protect Yourself

1. Plan your route: walk on the paths and roads with streetlamps

2. Keep all valuables hidden: especially your phone. Don’t be

fooled into thinking being on the phone will deter someone – it will encourage them! They’re right there, potentially able to take your phone whilst you’re distracted!

3. Keep your head up, look where you’re going, don’t look like a

victim

4. Check your watch (even if you’re not wearing one: pretend!) as

if you’re late and someone’s expecting you

5. If someone’s walking behind you change your pace or direc-

tion… cross the road even… if they follow you, calmly, wait until you’re under a street-lamp or by a bright building and turn around and ask them something unthreatening like “Do you have the time please?” (if they’ve seen you check your watch, say it’s broken!) – once you’ve seen their face they’re much less likely to attack you, even if they were a threat, they’ll find someone easier to attack… someone who’s not really paying attention… Do NOT, by the way, say you’re lost… you want to keep your power in the situation.

If you are lost – ask someone in a shop, someone who you don’t feel threatened by, and ask them in a way they won’t feel threatened by you either, as in, somewhere in the light!

Make others feel safe

1. If you’re walking towards someone who might feel intimi-

dated by you (someone who’s a small frame, the elderly or a young mother with child, or for you guys, pretty much any girl by herself) – make sure you walk on the inside of the pave-ment, so they wont feel liable to be trapped as you walk by: you know you would never harm them, but they don’t.

2. If you need to ask directions – ask in the light – stop un-

der a street-lamp, or ask by some open shops so they can see you’re not afraid for them to see your face.

If you’re walking behind someone who may feel vulnerable – if you can - leave plenty of space between you as you walk, or leave them room as you pass them.

As a woman who often travels alone – I am always incredibly grateful to people who act in this considerate way: it is no-ticed: thank you.

If you do get confronted

Remember that you are SO MUCH more valuable than your belongings.

No one could ever replace you! If someone attacks you for your phone/wallet/i-pod etc quickly throw them away from you and run in the opposite direction: they will want your be-longings more than they’ll want you!!

If you shout for help but find no-one’s really responded – try to remember to shout “FIRE” – a recent police release said more people respond to the cry for help against fire than an attacker as often it’s thought to be a relationship argu-ment…! Food for thought…

S E L F A W A R E N E S S

A quick-tip survival guide

by Zoë Abbott

NATIONAL INSURANCE

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S I P S

17

By Ayo Thompson

So, why do ladies "stick it out" with a guy that maltreats them – emotionally, mentally, physi-cally?

There are many "good" reasons that have been given for staying in such a relationship..."Oh I love him so much", "I'm the one that he really loves, the other girls are the ones who keep running after him", "it's really not that bad, it's only when I upset him or when he is angry/drunk/depressed", "he loves me a lot that's why he is so possessive", "it's normal in all relationships, every one has up and down moments".... Too many rea-sons, too many excuses, yet all not valid for staying with someone who would “end up killing you deep inside” as sung by a famous male quartet. If he makes you cry, if he makes you sad, if he makes you lose your self esteem, you need to leave, don't stay with him... If he makes you an emotional yoyo- high one second and so low the next- he is slowly killing the essence of you: No one should ever be allowed to do that to you. The sad thing is that if you stay with him, you will miss out on the opportunity to open your eyes and your heart to another person worthy of your love. Isn’t it funny how we think "it’s him or no other"? The fact is, you would never find out the truth if you continue to stay with him. It’s good to remember the wise saying that states " a child thinks his father's farm is the biggest and the best until he goes out and sees the neighbours". I have good news for you, you can definitely do better. You need to recognise and understand that YOU ARE A STAR, PRICELESS, BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY CREATED. You need to be with someone who not only knows and says it but makes you feel that way. You need a man who would celebrate you just as you do to him. Don't settle for any less.

N O S T R I N G S

E N T H U S E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 0 — M Y M O N T H O F R E L A T I O N S H I P S

Are you useful?Do you want to make an impact in your community but don’t

know how? Do you want to stand out?

Sharpen your gifts and skills. Get empowered at the

Baptismal Classes - 7th March 2010 Start

Empowerment Workers Training II - 10th March 2010 Start

For details email: info@placeofvictory.org.uk

18

C O M M U N I T Y T O G E T H E R

Beyond tomorrow is Vision; being able to see the future and move into everything God has ordained; not just today or tomorrow, but for years to come to help towards achieving the vision of the church for the next 5 - 10 years:

Imagine

New Possibilities

Imaging having unlimited resources to meet the needs of our community

Ignite

our passion

Imagine using your gifts and creativity to fulfil God’s plan for the church

Invest

in the Future

Imagine being a part of something significant that impacts future

Inherit

the Promise

Imagine taking bold steps and achieving your heart’s desires

The Small Groups Semester started in January 2010. Register early to avoid disappointment.Register early to avoid disappointment.Register early to avoid disappointment.Register early to avoid disappointment.

• If you are interested in joining a Small Group immediately please email the group you wish to join as the subject line and include your details as speci-fied below in the body of the email.

• If you are interested in starting a Small Group, please email Start a Small Group as the subject line and include the following details below as well as what the group will entail in the body of the email and you will be contacted shortly.

Hi, welcome to the 4I small study groups at Hi, welcome to the 4I small study groups at Hi, welcome to the 4I small study groups at Hi, welcome to the 4I small study groups at Place of Victory.Place of Victory.Place of Victory.Place of Victory.

A 4I Small Group (SG) is the getting to-gether of at least three and no more than twelve people to study a specific subject matter generally referred to as the curricu-lum.

Apart from the obvious primary purpose of fostering purposeful & meaningful relation-ships, these groups have been created to help towards achieving the church’s vision.

For further details or information of our initiatives, please email: smallgroups@placeofvictory.org.uk

SG REGISTRATION FORMSG REGISTRATION FORMSG REGISTRATION FORMSG REGISTRATION FORM

Please pick 1 or more groups you wish to attend this semester:

Group 1 - How to become a better you

Group 2 - Sex & the woman

- (ladies only)

Group 3 - Sex and the man

- (men only)

Group 4 - Being a contagious Christian

Group 5 - Doing life together

- (married/couples)

Group 6 - City keepers (call to pray)

Group 7 - Fashion Focus

Group 8 - The Financial Clinic

Group 9 - No strings (Singles)

First Name:

Last Name:

Email Address:

Mobile Number:

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