GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE WIND AT YOUR

BACKLori Poore & Ginny Sharp Certified Guidance Counselors District #204

lori_poore@ipsd.org ginny_sharp@ipsd.org

Parent University January 26, 2008

LIFE FOR TEENS

IS NO PLAYGROUND

It is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or

wrong choices.

Parents can teach teens skills to help them make

better choices.

“WE CAN’T MAKE THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM

THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.”

NAVIGATION NECESSITIES

What are Effective Teens Choices Based on?

PRINCIPLESPRINCIPLES

1. Are they reactive or proactive?2. Do they know where they are going?3. Do they prioritize the things they have to do?4. Do they see life as a competition?5. Do they talk first and then pretend to listen or listen actively?6. Do they cooperate with others or do they think they are better off doing everything by themselves?7. Are they so busy with life that they do not have time to: • Spend quality time with family and friends• To do their homework• Read good books• Exercise• Take time for nature or other inspirational things?

What is an effective teen?What is an effective teen?

PARADIGMThe way you see

something,your point of view,frame of reference,

or belief.

What is a paradigm shift?

A paradigm shift is a way of looking atsomething differently. We are stepping “outside the box”. When we make a paradigm shift we can see,think, feel and behave differently. Example: Ptolemy thought the earth was the center ofthe universe. Copernicus believed the sun was the center of the universe. (a paradigm shift occurred)

Frank Koch wrote:

Two battleships assigned to the training squadronhad been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow." "Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out. Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a collision course. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees." Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees." The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees." "I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees." By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees." Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse."

We changed course. Steven Covey (in “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People”) tells that story to teach that principles are

“like lighthouses.” They are natural laws that cannot be broken.”

To show regard or value for someone or something.

Emotional Bank AccountLike a checking or savings account,

you can make deposits or withdrawals.Personal-How you feel about yourself. (Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.)

Relationship-How you feel about others. (Amount of trust and confidence you have in each

of your relationships)

Personal Bank Account Deposits

• Keep promises to yourself

• Do small acts of kindness

• Be gentle with yourself

• Be honest in all your dealings

• Enhance your talents

• Take care of yourself

• Think positively and use positive self-talk

Personal Bank Account Withdrawals

• Break promises to yourself

• Isolate yourself

• Put yourself down

• Think negatively and use negative self-talk

• Be dishonest with yourself

• Neglect your talents

• Wear yourself out

• Expect yourself to be perfect

Relationship Bank Account Deposits

• Keep promises to others

• Do small acts of kindness

• Be loyal to those not present

• Listen actively

• Say you are sorry

• Set clear expectations

• Allow others to be different

Relationship Bank Account Withdrawals

• Break promises

• Keep to yourself

• Gossip and break confidences

• Do not listen

• Be arrogant

• Set false expectations

7 Habits of Highly Effective TeensHabit 1 Be Proactive

Habit 2 Begin With The End in Mind

Habit 3 Put First Things First

Habit 4 Think Win-win

Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Habit 6 Synergize

Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw

Habit 1 Be Proactive

Teenagers are the product of their environment, upbringing, and choices. Are their choices proactive or reactive? They need to take

responsibility for their choices

and their life.

CIRCLE OF NO CONTROL

CIRCLE OF CONTROL

AttitudesWeather

Birthplace

Parents

What other

people say and

do Choices & Responses

Ourselves

Habit 2 Begin With the End in Mind

Define their mission and goals. Values are self-chosen & provide foundations for decision making

about where they are going in life.

Habit 3 Put First Things First

Prioritize

Actions flow from that which is important.

Habit 4 Think Win-win

Mutual Benefits.

Have an “everyone can win”

attitude.Win-win is like an

all you can eat buffet.

Habit 5 Seek First to Understand,Then to be Understood

Communication solves

problems.

Listen to people

sincerely.

Habit 6 Synergize

Open-mindedness. Teamwork. New ways to do things. Work together to achieve more.

Celebrate differences.

A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor.

Habit 7 Sharpen the SawContinuous self-renewal and self-improvement in:

your brain

your heart

your body

your soul

SOLUTION ORIENTED PROBLEM SOLVING

1. Name the problem, and who owns it. (Be sure it is the REAL problem)

2. Describe it specifically. (Name the parts of the problem.)

3. Brainstorm. (Name all the solutions you can think of, no matter how crazy they may seem.)

4. Think about each solution:•Does it honor the values of your parents, yourself, and others whom you respect?•Would it solve the problem?•Would it affect yourself and others for better or worse?

5. Choose a solution, and act on it.

6. Evaluate the outcome:•Is the problem solved?•Did the solution produce the results you expected?•How did the solution fit with your feelings and values?•Did the solution fail to meet your or the other party’s needs in any way?•What else happened?•Would another solution work better?

Expected OutcomesExpected Outcomes

• Increased engagement and motivation

• Greater responsibility for learning

• Increased peer collaboration skills

• Greater confidence and self-esteem

• Increased listening skills

• Greater content mastery

• Better peer collaboration

• More time on task

• More skill in analyzing and solving problems

GETTINGGETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE UNDERWAY WITH THE

7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens