Human NeedsThe engine for change

Nora Femenia, Ph.D

Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc.

Index❏ Needs & Conflict❏ The Dual Nature of Our Needs❏ Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

❏ 1. Certainty & Comfort❏ 2. Variety❏ 3. Significance❏ 4. Love & Connection❏ 5. Growth❏ 6. Contribution

❏ The Marriage Contract❏ His Needs, Her Needs

Index (continued)❏ The 5 Needs of a Wife

❏ 1. Affection❏ 2. Conversation❏ 3. Honesty❏ 4. Financial Commitment❏ 5. Family Commitment

❏ The 5 Needs of a Husband❏ 1. Sexual Satisfaction❏ 2. Recreational Companionship❏ 3. An Attractive Spouse❏ 4. Domestic Support❏ 5. Admiration

❏ Conclusion

Needs & ConflictNeeds are conditions for a normal life which lets us feel “human.”We have to conflict with each other when our basic needs aren’t being met. If something feels missing, there is a hidden need asking for satisfaction.

The Dual Nature of Our Needs

Maslow’s Hierarchy of NeedsImage courtesy of Wikipedia

Human Needs PyramidA variation of Maslow’s hierarchy:

First Need: Certainty & ComfortFeeling safe and generally comfortable.

It means having a roof over our heads, food on our plates, and enough money to comfortably survive.

Second Need: VarietyWe need challenges, life changes, wonder, and sometimes challenges, crises, and the creation of new conflicts.

We have a natural avoidance of boredom and will chase excitement, sometimes even because it means taking a risk.

Third Need: SignificanceWe all need to feel special and appreciated, we need to feel that our personalities and what we do matters.

Positive achievements usually motivate people to reach higher.

Fourth Need: Love & ConnectionWe all have a deep instinct to love, be loved and generally feel connected to others.

Frustration of this need makes living meaningless.

Fifth Need: GrowthWe need to feel like we’re constantly improving and achieving milestones towards higher goals in our lives.

We fulfill this need by challenging ourselves to greater tasks and goals.

Sixth Need: ContributionWe have a need to feel like we’re adding to our society in significant ways. What we provide is important for other people’s lives.

It makes us feel appreciated and connected to our surroundings.

The Marriage ContractMarriage is a contract by which both sides agree to satisfy the other’s human needs, along time and through life changes.

Let’s see how human needs look different from the gender divide.

His Needs, Her NeedsWives and husbands have the same needs but express them in different ways.

It’s best to approach these differences from a his/her’s perspective.

The 5 Needs of a Wife1.Affection2.Conversation3.Honesty4.Financial Commitment5.Family Commitment

First Need of a Wife: AffectionFor most women, expressed affection means security, protection, comfort and approval.

Affection is the glue of her relationship with a man.

Second Need of a Wife: Conversation

Wives need their husbands to talk and listen to them. Communication is a must.

They don’t want the conversations and displays of affection to stop after the wedding.

Third Need of a Wife: HonestyA wife needs to trust her husband completely.

Honesty gives the wife a solid foundation on which to build their relationship and raise a family.

Fourth Need of a Wife: Financial Commitment

The wife needs to know that the husband is an adept provider.

This need is still necessary even when the wife is a career woman; she needs to feel supported, just in case.

Fifth Need of a Wife: Family Commitment

Most married women want to create a home and have children.

They want their husbands to owntheir share in the nitty gritty of raising their children.

The 5 Needs of a Husband1.Sexual gratification2.Recreational companionship3.An Attractive Spouse4.Domestic Support5.Admiration

First Need of a Husband: Sexual Gratification

Husbands have a deep need for sex, as deep as wives have for affection.

Sex comes naturally and often, if there’s enough affection in the marriage.

Sex makes them feel desirable.

Second Need of a Husband: Recreational Companionship

Men place a lot of importance on their wives joining them in recreational activities.

Wives that don’t join their husbands in recreation are taking a serious risk with the marriage.

Third Need of a Husband: An Attractive Spouse

A husband needs a wife he finds attractive.

Most men find it impossible to appreciate a wife on her inner qualities alone.

He needs to feel proud of her.

Fourth Need of a Husband: Domestic Support

Husbands want to delegate the responsibility of running a comfortable home, including their own care.

Husbands often fantasize about their wives welcoming them back to a well-maintained home after work.

Fifth Need of a Husband: AdmirationHusbands want wives to be proud of them and to tell them so.

They want to be encouraged to take on challenges above their current level.

ConclusionEveryone has basic human needs that need to be

constantly satisfied to feel complete.

Marriage is the basic association which promises reciprocal attention to each other person’s needs.

Their needs are basically the same but husbands and wives define them in different ways.