innerspace / stripe communication workshop
TRANSCRIPT
Communication Workshop
Semira RahemtullaMay 24, 2016
Who am I?
• Co-founder/CEO of PlayTell• Director, Product Mgmt @ Guidewire (IPO 2010, $4B+ market cap)
• UX Designer @ multiple startups• Harvard Ed.M Technology In Education• Stanford Computer Science (undergrad)
Semira RahemtullaCofounder of InnerSpace
One Big Idea
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Exercise #2: If You Really Knew Me…
• Each person gets 2min to complete the sentence “If you really knew me (right now)….”
• No responses except “Thank you”
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
Self-Disclosure
“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN
Feedback & Influence
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
My Feedback Dilemma
“You’re not handling the claims project very well. Your spec is disorganized and incomplete. And because of that, we’re now at a point where the feature won’t get done on time.
I need you to fix the spec like we talked about so we can get the project on track.”
My Feedback Dilemma
“You’re not handling the claims project very well.
96%Chance of Defensiveness
Harsh Startup
So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behaviorWhen you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!
Better feedback for Bob?
• Focus on specific, observable behaviorYou didn’t change the spec like we discussed
• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI’m feeling concerned about the project and getting it
done on schedule• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentionsCan you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Setup
1. Check in – “Is now a good time?”
2. Soft Start– Do not use praise to buffer criticism (“The Sandwich”)– Do emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
“My intention is…… / This matters to me because…”
Exercise #4Complimentary Feedback
Exercise #4: Complimentary Feedback
Think of one thing your coworker does that you really appreciate1. Describe the behavior as specifically as
possible2. Describe the impact the behavior has on
you
#1 Factor for Happiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityBuilding a culture of appreciation
1. Create a space for it2. Lead by example
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus
area
Communication & Management– Too much/little– Choice of format– Email etiquette– Language choices,
communication style with others– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from this
person? – How do they impact others? – What do they model well? – Anything you worry about? – Arrival/departure times– How they speak/listen/act/dress
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net ☺