Love Theories

Day Two

The Triangle Theory of LoveRobert Sternberg

• Passion, intimacy, and commitment• Varieties of love occur b/c of the

ways people combine these elements.

Theory of Love

• Liking= Intimacy alone• Companionate love = intimacy +

commitment• Romantic love= intimacy + passion• Infatuation = passion alone• Fatuous (shallow) love= passion +

commitment• Empty love= commitment alone.

Ideal love according to Sternberg

• Consummate love= combines all three ingredients.

• Most relationships romantic passion subsides and intimacy increases. Why?

Attachment Theory of Love

• People acquire their attachment styles in large part from how their parents cared for them.

The attachment theory of Love. Philip Shaver and Cindy Hazan

• There are three forms of attachment:

secure

avoidant

anxious-ambivalent

Securely attached lovers

• Secure about their position in the relationship.

• Rarely jealous or worried about being abandoned

• Adults: they report having had warm, close relationships with their parents.

• Parents were benevolent and kind• Based on surveys: 59% of adult pop.

Anxious/ ambivalent Lovers

• Always fretting about their relationships

• Want to be close but worry that their partners will leave them.

• People describe them as “clingy”• Adult: report feeling more

ambivalence toward their parents, esp. mothers

• Parents were punitive and kind• Survey 11% of adult pop.

Avoidant Lovers

• Distrust and avoid intimate attachments

• Adult: describe their parents in almost entirely neg. terms

• Parents were cold, punishing, and rejecting

• Survey: 25% of adult pop.

Summary of the three types

• Anxious = I often worry that my partner will stop loving me.

• Avoidant = My partners often want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

• Secure= Sometimes people see me as boring because I create little drama in relationships.

• Rarely: a person can be the combination of anxious and avoidant.

Results

• Mismatched attachment styles can lead to a great deal of unhappiness in a relationship, even for people who love each other greatly.

• Goal: tap into a more secure mind-set and finding secure role models.

The End