Mastering Nonverbal Communicationin Teaching Relationships

Presenter: Diane Menke Pence, MSEd, Graduate Intern

EIU Department of Counseling & Student Development

Content: Michele Melvin, EdS, LCPCFaculty, EIU Dept. of Counseling & Student DevelopmentSr. Partner, Hunter & Melvin Professional Counseling

and Diane Menke Pence, MSEd, Graduate Intern

EIU Dept. of Counseling & Student Development

Observation Skills • Attending Skills • Cultural Context

Presentation Goal To educate student teachers about

the uses of observation and attending skills

as they apply to nonverbal communication

in order to maximize effective communication

with students, parents, and colleagues,

and to become sensitive to

cultural differences along these lines.

OBSERVATION SKILLS

OBSERVATION SKILLS...

…Noticing what goes on, both nonverbally and verbally, between you and the student, parent, or colleague you are talking to.

OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE IMPORTANT, BECAUSE…

Up to 85% of communication is nonverbal!

What you NOTICE can greatly help you understand the other person and navigate discussion accordingly.

Verbals can be contrasted by nonverbals (incongruency) which reveal the other person’s true feelings…

…or supported by nonverbals (congruency) which accentuate the person’s feelings

Observation can help you bridge individual, cultural, and/or gender differences

OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE IMPORTANT, BECAUSE…

...help you notice and question nonverbal subtleties and changes especially in response to you (your behavior, inquiry, or confrontation)

…help you consider what the other person may be feeling

Observation can…

What To Observe In The Other

Person’s Nonverbal Communication

Notice Body Language•relaxed or tense body and how it changes with discussion

•open or closed posture and how it changes with discussion

•body language that is incongruent with words

•intensity of movement as an indicator of mood, personality, or outlook on an issue

How to Use Body Language EffectivelyUSE:

• Mirroring• assume posture and movements of other person

• Pacing: • start with mirroring, then move to more positive posture/movement

OBSERVE:• When movement is synchronous

• mirroring one another’s movements• When movement is complementary:

• harmonious movements• When movement is dissynchronous

• differing movements that might show conflict

Notice Facial Expression• incongruent smiling• look of confusion or being lost• expressionless or flat affect• affect demonstrating various moods or emotions

• blood flow changes (e.g. blushing or growing pale)

• avoiding eye contact, inconsistent eye contact, or intense staring

• grimacing, frowning• eyes welling up• tightening of lips• agreement, understanding, connection, excitement

Notice Eye Movements

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) suggests that there is a link between the way our eyes move and the way we think

In NLP, eye movements are known as eye accessing cues—they enable us to access certain information

Noticing eye movements can help us to understand how a person relates to the world—i.e. visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically—and communicate with them according to THEIR representational systems

Eye Accessing Cues

Looking up, or defocusing, usually represents visual accessing

Looking sideways usually represents auditory accessing

Looking down to the right (your left as you face the person) usually represents kinesthetic accessing

Looking down to the left (your right as you face the person) usually represents an internal dialogue

Applying accessing cues For those visually accessing,

respond in terms of SEEING “This is how you see it…” “I see what you mean”

For those auditorily accessing, respond in terms of HEARING

“It sounds like you aren’t happy with that grade”

“I hear what you’re saying”

For those kinesthetically accessing, respond in terms of FEELING

“That must feel awful” “I feel happy for you”

WARNINGS!1. Don’t behave nonverbally in any way that is incongruent for you.

you will feel awkward you will be transparent to the other person

you will likely make you both feel uncomfortable

2. You must interpret the other person

within his/her context not your context.(e.g. race, ethnicity, gender, generation, personality, values, etc.)

SOMECULTURAL

DIFFERENCES

Eye Contact and Gaze

Western cultures: Direct eye contact seen as positiveDiffers for some races

– African American—more eye contact when talking, less when listening

– Anglo Americans—often the oppositeProlonged eye contact may be seen as sexual interest

Arabic cultures:Prolonged eye contact is common

– Shows interest– Helps them understand truthfulness

Japan, African, Latin American, & Caribbean cultures:Avoid eye contact to show respect

Facial Expressions

Many Asian cultures:Suppress facial expression as much as possible

Many Mediterranean culturesExaggerate grief or sadness

Most American men Hide grief and sorrow

TouchWestern Cultures

– Handshake is common– Hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender, family– Some differences between African American & Anglo Americans

Islamic/Hindu cultures– Typically don’t touch with left hand– Generally don’t touch between genders; with same sexes is

appropriate– Common to see two men or two women holding hands

(friendship)Many Asian cultures

– Don’t touch the head because it houses the soulLatino, Middle-Eastern, & Jewish cultures

– Touch is okay—emotion encouraged– Opposite-sex handshakes acceptable; usually same-sex

English, German, Scandinavian, Chinese & Japanese cultures– Do not subscribe to overt displays of affection

Posture Bowing

– Not done, criticized, or affected in US– Shows rank in Japan

Slouching– Rude in most Northern European areas

Hands in pocket– Disrespectful in Turkey

Sitting with legs crossed– Offensive in Ghana, Turkey

Showing the soles of feet– Distasteful in Thailand, Saudi Arabia

GesturesSome cultures are animated, others

restrained

Amount of gesturing varies from one culture to another

A gesture acceptable in your culture may be offensive in another– e.g. Pointing

US, Asia with index fingerGermany with little fingerJapan with entire hand

General Appearance and Dress

Differing cultural standards– What is attractive– What constitutes modesty– What is required by one’s religion

ATTENDING

SKILLS

ATTENDING SKILLS ARE…

… the way you convey to a student,

parent, or colleague that you

are engaged in communication with

him/her.

• demonstrate respect • build rapport • encourage talk, openness• foster cooperation lends well

to problem-solving• lessen intensity of

confrontation, conflict• allow you to fall back when

you are“lost”• model positive communication

WHY USE ATTENDING SKILLS IN MY TEACHING RELATIONSHIPS?

Partner Activity: Role Play1) Choose a partner2) Play these roles:

– Person 1: talk about something fun you did recently– Person 2: use the poor attending skills

– Don’t look at the person– Respond minimally or not at all– Position your body so that you are not facing

them directly, etc.

What was difficult about this…

…for the listener? …for the speaker?

5 GENERAL ATTENDING SKILLS

1. VISUAL / EYE CONTACTDO:

• look at talking people in the eye• convey interest with your eyes• show empathy with your eyes • hold eye contact sensitively

DON’T:• stare off or avoid eye contact• shift your gaze continuously• stare TOO intensely• break eye contact abruptly

2. VOCAL QUALITIES

DO convey genuine interest with your…

•speech tone•rate•volume•pauses

DON’T:

• sound bored, hurried, sleepy, overexcited• forget to allow for silence• allow for too much silence• talk too loudly or softly (not matching

volume)

3. VERBAL TRACKING & SELECTIVE ATTENTIONDO:

• follow the person’s story as it is told to you

• follow the person’s story through his/her particular story-telling pattern

• show more interest nonverbally in productive aspects

of a person’s story • show less interest nonverbally in story telling, negative behaviors, or reports of negative behavior

DON’T:• change the subject to meet your personal agenda • lose track of his/her story because you are distracted or

dominating

DO:• face the other person with your whole body

• clear the space between you• lean in slightly • use facial expressions and gestures appropriateto the discussion content

DON’T:• sit back or turned away• be physically blocked• have a blank or inappropriate expression• over or undergesture

4. BODY LANGUAGE

5. NONVERBAL ENCOURAGERS

Encourage communication without saying a word by using…

•nodding•welcoming hand gestures•smiling and other positive facial expressions

•empathic expression•open posture•leaning in at interesting points

WARNING…again!

Apply attending skills

within the context

of the student, parent, or colleague’s

race, ethnicity, gender, generation,

personality, values, etc.

Partner Activity: 2nd Role Play1) Get together with your same partner2) Switch roles:

– Person 2: talk about something fun you did recently– Person 1: use good attending skills

– Good eye contact– Good vocal qualities– Verbal tracking– Good body language– Nonverbal encouragers

What was different this time…

…for the listener? …for the speaker?

Summary: Nonverbal Communicationin Teaching Relationships

Use OBSERVATION and ATTENDING skills to maximize effective communication with students, parents, and colleagues

AND

Be aware of CULTURAL CONTEXT to help you be sensitive to cultural differences

in nonverbal communication